A dimly lit metal tube, smelling like blood. With no more electric voltage going through the LCL, it was just this orange liquid, slightly too viscous and with its very own odour. Shinji had not changed his location inside the entry-plug, but whereas before he had seen the entire sky around him, now he was trapped in here.
And in there, he was whimpering. Tears were forming and dissolving in the LCL, all because of the pain.
As bad as battles were, the post-battle was almost worse. It was always the same. One moment, Shinji was going crazy fearing for his life, feeling the worst pains he could have ever imagined... and then it was over, and he left behind in this capsula. And all he could do was sitting miserably in the LCL and wait to be retrieved. Almost like an object. With nothing to do but relive the fight over and over again.
If he was conscious enough for that, anyway.
And right now, it was even worse. Shinji sat on his pilot seat awkwardly leaned to the right. If his left arm so much as gently touched any surface, the pain was unbearable. Even so, it filled up his mind. It wasn't as bad as during the impact, when he had thought that arm would simply explode, but there was no relief, no end to it in sight, only pain.
Pain, and also an uncomfortable reminder of his situation. Misery. Piloting. It seemed nothing would ever change for the better.
He had not seen all that much of the actual battle. Asuka had just told him to get lost. That had stung, even though he had held no great desire to fight anyway. But she had just shouted at him to leave and then... and then when she needed him again, they had just pushed him out of a plane.
Of course he had said before he was ready. What else could he have said? That was the plan after all, battlefield insertion from above. But it was not like he had gotten a great say in this, either.
And now he was seeing, feeling that fall over and over again. Just falling down the sky, inescapably towards the ground. He didn't even visualize the angel that had been lying there. Just the fall. Over and over again. A fall from a plane up high. Only the pain kept him from going into a fugue. Even so, he was breathing heavily.
Light fell into the entry-plug, sudden and unbidden. The smell of blood intensified for a moment, as the liquid got moving and then splashed out of the opened door. Shinji gaped for air and coughed, as his lungs had to exchange the LCL for air again... and that movement caused another spike of pain in his arm.
"Shinji..." It was Asuka's voice. Still blinded by the light, Shinji couldn't see, but the girl hesitated. "Are you..."
"I'm fine," Shinji snapped, and looked away, towards how his arm was doing... but then winced.
"I called HQ," Asuka told him. "Medical teams should arrive in moments."
There was silence. Shinji didn't feel like saying much. He was angry at Asuka, but also didn't want to whine. So he just looked away from Asuka and hoped this moment would pass - his usual strategy with uncomfortable moments.
Asuka just stood at the entry-plug door, her plugsuit boots swamped with LCL, and looked inside. Shinji couldn't see her face, didn't know what she was thinking, didn't want to know, but she didn't say anything, either. That was alright.
He could hear a step splashing through the liquid, but then Asuka apparently stopped. She still didn't say anything, though. The tension just dragged on. Finally, Shinji pressed out, "Why did you do it?"
More splashing - Asuka turning around again? "What do you mean?"
Now Shinji looked at her again. "You just..." Then the moment passed, and he looked down sullenly. "It's fine."
"Shinji...?" Asuka asked.
Even more sullenly, half under his breath, Shinji now said, "You just ordered me pushed out of that plane. Just like that. Like some weapon to drop onto the angel."
Asuka scoffed, a sound that almost physically hurt Shinji. "It was in the middle of the battle! I couldn't move my Unit anymore! It had to be you, and that quick! It was necessary!"
" How is that any different to Misato has always said?"
There was quiet after that outburst. Shinji felt intensely embarrassed. It may have been the same Misato had always said, but that didn't mean it was wrong. Maybe it had been necessary. Maybe he was just being selfish. Maybe...
"I'm not Misato," Asuka answered. Her voice was dark and low, making Shinji almost wince again. "And I..." Asuka breathed out, then she scoffed. "If I'm becoming like her, I need to stop." Another deep breath. "Look, Shinji, there is one thing she'd never do, right? Has never done."
The boy remained quiet, withdrawn. He had no idea what Asuka was talking about, he petulantly didn't care, and his arm was hurting again.
"Shinji...I am sorry. I apologize," Asuka told him. "It was in the heat of battle, but..." Yet another scoff. "I was the commanding officer. It was my responsibility how you ended up. And without you doing your job, we would have... well. You know. So I apologize."
Shinji looked up to Asuka as she was talking. The girl hadn't bowed or anything, but the lack of formality even helped the apology's sincerity. And yet... Shinji was surprised, but he also didn't know what he was supposed to do with that apology. So he just nodded. Then he realized, "It... it is something that Misato so far has never done. Not... really."
Asuka scowled. No, more than just that. An expression of pure and utter disdain flashed over her face for a moment. "Of course not." Pause. "I mean... that doesn't mean you need to find what I do okay. That would be like her, too." She seemed to try to formulate more words, but instead said, in a haughty and dismissive voice, "Do what you want."
She turned. Shinji wanted to call out to her - he wasn't quite clear with what, but he didn't want to let it stand at this - but the move made him wince with pain again, and a moment later he heard voices of people arriving outside.
A giant wall of purple reached into the sky behind Asuka. Unit 01 lay on its back on the mountain slope the battle had just been won in, intermingled with the remains of the angel's body. Getting to the entry-plug in its neck had just been a matter of going up some rocks for Asuka.
Outside was a devastated landscape. Just outside of the rocky landslide caused by the N2 bombs, Unit 02 and the angel had broken up even more of the hilly slopes. Craters from the angel's beams dotted the landscape, entire trees were torn up, rocks and even gigantic boulders were laid bare, and further up the hill the entire forest had been burned down.
Surrounded by that destruction, Asuka was going down the rocks leading to Unit 01 again. She felt bummed out by how she had needed to apologize to Shinji. Not wanting to be like Misato was a powerful motivator, and she could understand Shinji, but... what about herself? Had she not fought herself, unlike Misato who had always just cowered in the Geofront? Had she in fact not carried the majority of the battle? What about herself? Her own well-being?
But it went beyond just that. Even now with command having been her own, this wasn't the grand victorious battle she had envisioned. She had been forced to let Shinji have the kill, and besides... they had won. Now what. It still felt empty. It was the same as always. She had played her role, suffered for it, and then... that was just that. No conclusion, just further misery.
As she trotted away from the entry-plug, medical teams came running up from helicopters that had been parked, by the looks of it, on the remains of the road further up the mountain. People in uniform suddenly, carrying equipment, suddenly appearing among what remained of trees and rocks. Among all the black hair typical for Japanese people, Asuka spotted, to her surprise, blonde hair.
Ritsuko came to a halt next to her, together with an assistant, while the others moved on to the entry-plug. Immediately, the assistant began to expertly cut away a sleeve of Asuka's plugsuit. The girl sucked in air and scowled as she saw the extent of the burn marks - bright red skin all over. Now exposed to air, it seemed to hurt more, despite having lost a source of friction. Immediately, Ritsuko put some kind of thick bandage around, some gel-filled cushions bound together. That brought cool relief.
Shinji was transported up the mountain in a rescue stretcher, past Asuka's and Ritsuko's position. He was still wincing, but getting quieter, while Asuka had her procedure now repeated on her other arm.
"EVA retrieval will be in the new N2 crater," Ritsuko told Asuka.
The girl nodded and turned, to walk towards her own unit again. The pain in her arms had been reduced to a burning feeling, ever-present but without sting. A dull pain, just like after so many exercises in Europe that had ended with her hanging in an EVA carrier, still not free of the LCL, nursing that pain on the return trip.
She stopped. What am I doing here?
Was that it? Just object retrieval after the battle? The pilots picked up just as a matter of cleaning up stuff? The pilots had done their role, and that was all? Where was the victory in all this? It seemed nothing had actually changed.
She balled her hands into fists. But things have changed. I just need to make sure of it.
She turned to Ritsuko again. "You'll get Shinji to hospital, right?"
"Of course," Ritsuko answered.
Asuka nodded, and sucked in breath. "Give me some painkillers."
"Excuse me?" Ritsuko said.
"Painkillers. For now, and later use. My arms still hurt," Asuka insisted.
"That will die down eventually," Ritsuko told her. "It wouldn't be medically..."
"Dr Akagi, this is an order," Asuka told her. When the scientist blinked in confusion, Asuka explained. "I was given command over the mission. Clean-up and retrieval are still part of the mission. Do you want to renege on the agreement NERV made with us?"
Ritsuko scowled... but then sighed. "No, I don't want that." She reached into a bag she was carrying and took out a syringe and two small packages. "Here. 10 droplets should have you pain-free for the day, and the other is for direct application on the skin." Her voice was carefully professional. Cold, but not actively unfriendly. "And a stab for now."
Just seconds afterwards, the remaining pain began to dissipate. "Right," Asuka said... and began walking up the hill.
"Asuka... your Evangelion..." Ritsuko stuttered in her direction.
Asuka stopped and half-turned around. "NERV has the capacities to retrieve Evangelions without pilots, doesn't it? Even with an angel around as we've seen?"
"I mean, yes, but..." Ritsuko began.
"I've done my job," Asuka told her. "I refuse to do their job as well." When Ritsuko failed to fully hide a scowl, Asuka pushed her point. "They should thank me they can still do their job."
Ritsuko tried to hold an even gaze. "So what are you going to do instead?"
Asuka shrugged. "Commandeer a copter, of course."
She was a bit annoyed that, after a walk up through half-burned woods, the copter pilot, a short-haired woman with stern glance and Eurasian looks, was comming Ritsuko for confirmation. She was even more annoyed at the strange look the pilot gave her upon confirmation. She got in with a scowl and sat down on the copilot chair.
"Lift off," she simply told the pilot, without regarding her curiosity. With some delay, the pilot followed the order. Once they were rising up, the wind of their blades sweeping over broken trees, Asuka further commanded, "Take me over the city. Downtown."
She couldn't quite say herself why. But after her victory... well, she wouldn't get a dramatic entrance back into the city. That was not in the cards. But she also didn't want to just be swept aside to the Geofront again. Maybe she wanted at least something resembling a dignified entrance into the city she had just saved, even if it wasn't the full deal.
Or maybe she just wanted to break out. Ultimately, she had gone out to fight because that was just her role. They had been forced to actually ask her this time, but it had still been clear that it had to have been her and Shinji. That was just their assigned fate. No escape from that, and no...
Asuka sighed silently. And nobody cares. Even now.
Maybe she was just chasing a ghost after all. It didn't matter. She was leading the mission, and she had, at the very least, earned herself a copter ride. She could afford to be impulsive, no matter what the critical looks of the pilot told her. To hell with her.
Within minutes the copter had passed the ravaged mountains. Soon, Tokyo-3 came in sight, its still raised defence installation glittering from afar under the late morning sun. Coming from the west, the copter rode right into its warm, splendid rays. Faintly, Asuka heard alarms from below.
Then, as the copter closed in on the city it happened. The defence installations were retracted into the ground. Slowly, with a lot of rumbling, they just went lower and lower and then disappeared. And when the copter had reached the edge of the city, another alarm was blaring: In place of the defence installations, now the city's skyscrapers rose into the sky.
It was a majestic sight. Powerful buildings, one, two, even three hundred metres high, just rising towards the sun, clad in its mighty golden illumination. Chrome and glass reflecting light onto the streets, while the city proudly reasserted itself. Once a defensive fortress, now reborn again as a normal city, defying the attack that had happened.
...not that the city actually had done much to stop the attack.
And right between and above all those movement, the copter was flying, right towards the city centre as Asuka had ordered. From her vantage points, she could see those unbelievable, powerful movements to all sides, a whole city coming to life seemingly just for her.
Asuka knew that this should have been an uplifting moment. Maybe she hadn't planned exactly for this when she had commandeered the copter, but it was coming close. And yet...
The city awakens again for everyone. But only I got burned. Only I nearly died.
It all left her so terribly cold. She still felt empty. Bitter. Had anything really changed? Where was her victory in all this? Was that all she could ever look forward, just doing her role?
"Target reached," the pilot reported. "This is pretty much the dead centre of Tokyo-3."
Asuka frowned. Well, she had ordered this.
... fuck it. She noticed she was sick of people again. Ritsuko and this pilot and even Shinji. People really were only just unnecessary stress. What she needed... what she needed was to get away from people. Or most people anyway.
"The streets are still empty," she remarked. "It should be easy enough to land at most places, right?"
"...I suppose so?" the pilot answered hesitantly.
Asuka named an address and said, "Get me down there."
Only a minute or two later, Asuka hopped out of the copter, its blades still running, on a hot black street right in front of a highly polished wooden garden wall. Holding one hand against her hair, to keep it down against the turbulences of the copter, she told the pilot, "I'll get to the Geofront from here... eventually. Tell Ri... Dr Akagi she can do the debriefing. Oh, and..." She grinned. "Your last mission for today. You can take the rest of the day off on my authorization. But before that... fly me in some pizzas, will you."
The pilot did a double take. Asuka had to laugh. "I know some very dedicated pizzerias here that will probably be open before we'll get to the post-battle traffic rush, so you can make it if you hurry."
Then she leaned against the wall, grass at her feet and the sound of cicadas all around, and called Kensuke's number. It felt... good. The laugh had her shaken out of her post-battle blues.
When he and his father arrived, Asuka was waiting at their very own garden door with a whole slew of pizzas. She was getting quite the appetite just from smelling them. Aida senior looked ever so slightly stumped, a reaction Asuka seemed to draw out constantly from him. Kensuke was smiling awkwardly, genuinely relieved to see her, but very evidently not sure how to react, or what would be appropriate or hell, what Asuka even wanted here.
Of course, what she wanted was to get away. No people (well, except for him, but he didn't count), no drama, no lack of recognition, no captivity in predestined roles. She and Kensuke went to his room, and for the rest of the day they would stay there. Just nothing but pizza and video games.
When they played together, most of the time Kensuke won. He didn't go easy on her, but he also didn't tease her about losses. Just pure competition, just like Asuka wanted. Having her brain fully captured by the challenge. Idly eating slices of pizza or occassionally cuddling up to Kensuke, well, those were nice bonuses.
She had done her job. Let Ritsuko take care of the rest. She wouldn't even just leave the house for the rest of the day anymore.
Shinji gulped as he looked down on Rei. She looked peaceful in her sleeveless gown. The red on her arms looked much less aggressive already. He supposed that was good news, seeing how it had only been one day of therapy, but of course he had no medical knowledge. Rei's hair was still faintly wet, leading to it being messy, with single strains standing up in all directions. A faint smell emitted from it... blood, but not only that.
The nurse who had let Shinji in, and who had just given Rei an injection, left again wordlessly. Shinji remained behind, still looking at Rei, unsure what to do. The anti-agent would counteract the sedative, though the nurse had told him it would be some minutes until Rei would awaken. Enough time for Shinji to be alone with his thoughts.
His own arm was wrapped up, but not in a fixed cast. Ritsuko had said most of the pain had come from his fractured bone hitting a nerve; the fracture itself seemed to be relatively simple. His left lower arm bone was apparently broken at two places, but relatively cleanly so, meaning the arm needed only little fixation. It had ended up just one more damage being done to him by piloting.
Shinji was unsure whether he should sit down, or wait right here at Rei's bedside to wake up. For all the amenities of NERV Headquarters, the hospital rooms could feel a bit sterile. The beds, the chairs with green upholstery, the the small bedside tables, all looked overly functional in a way that was hard to describe. Everything here made it clear that this was in fact a hospital room.
Shinji weighed getting one of those chairs, or if he should just keep standing... or even whether he should leave. Now that Rei was about to wake up, doubts began to burden him down. Seeing her lying there, so vulnerable, so in need of protection, of care... he really wanted all the best in the world for her. Wanted to get her out of her hole of an apartment, away from his father. He wanted to make her smile and be content and finally have happiness...
...but ultimately, he had made all the decisions for her. He was fairly certain that she had no particular attachment to her apartment, but not absolutely so. What if he had done wrong? For that matter, what if the whole agreement with his father was against her wishes? She had been sedated, sleeping away, and he had made decisions for her as if she were a little child.
Understandable decisions maybe. Carried by an urge he was still feeling even now. A stronge urge for tenderness and protectiveness. And yet...
Rei was a strong person. Stronger certainly than he himself. She was her own person, who could make her own decisions. It was a blessing for Shinji that he could give her help at all, a way to repay her for all she had done for him and for... well, just for being Rei. But ultimately, she didn't need a protector. And most certainly not someone making decisions for her.
Rei stirred a bit. Instinctively, Shinji backed away slightly. He balled his hands into fists. I mustn't run away... Whatever happened, it wouldn't do for Rei to wake up all alone. Even if that did mean facing her displeasure afterwards. Thus, he stepped right up to the side of her bed, and waited.
Another stir. Strangely, this one caused a smile on Shinji's face. He maybe was fearing what would come... but then, he was constantly doing that. And this, this was still Rei. She was gentleness, tenderness, safety.
When Rei finally opened her eyes, it was like an automatic reaction. One moment they were closed, the other open. She stared straight up to the hospital's ceiling. Shinji was about to say something, but instead just smiled. Then she turned her head around, realized his presence, and her eyes widened.
"Ah... hello... Rei," Shinji managed to say.
And Rei smiled. Of course, it was only a small tug of the ends of her mouth, but that was how Rei smiled. It was still radiant, every time anew.
There was a silence. It was a a peaceful silence that comforted Shinji with Rei's presence, but still an odd one. Just him standing at her bedside, arms at his side, back slightly arched. Not a relaxed posture. Isn't she going to ask what happened?
So instead, Shinji spoke up. "Uh... how are you feeling?"
The answer came automatically, almost mechanically. "I'm..." Then Rei stopped. She seemed to actually think about the question. "I'm glad you're here."
Even now, when their status as a couple was confirmed, these things still managed to make Shinji blush a little. "Do... do you feel any pain?"
Rei shook her head. "My skin feels unusual at the arms, but there is no pain."
Shinji smiled, and then impulsively grabbed her hand. "I'm glad you're okay. That... that you..." He got a bit gloomy. "That you survived."
Rei's reaction came a bit belated. She seemed to be surprised. Then she took Shinji's hand with her other one, and began softly stroking over its backside. "I don't have any recollection how that happened."
Shinji felt comforted, but what she said made him furrow his brows. "Have you been asleep the entire two days since your sortie?"
"Two days...?" Rei echoed. She shook her head. "I remember drifting in and out of sleep for a time. I didn't know for how long."
"And nobody told you what happened?" Shinji asked. He sounded a little bit indignant. "You didn't ask?"
"I didn't," Rei confirmed. "If it was important to know, somebody would have told me."
That really didn't sit right with Shinji. He squeezed Rei's hand. "Of course it's important! You are."
A slight little blush appeared on Rei's face as she turned her head away, looking down at her body. She didn't let go of his hand, though. "I had a feeling as if..." She seemed to struggle with words. "I wanted that knowledge. But I didn't even know what for. It wasn't required for me to know."
Again, Shinji was indignant... but then he smiled melancholically. Was that so different from his own position? "It is alright to want something just for yourself. It doesn't need to be required. Sometimes... sometimes it isn't easy to get what you want. Even if you deserve it. But that is no reason to imagine you don't deserve it."
Strange how he could say that, see it so clearly, but whenever it had come to his own life, well... Maybe I should listen to my own advice first.
"Deserving..." Rei echoed. Then she nodded. "I do. What did happen?"
Shinji breathed out. "That angel... its main weapon was electricity. As soon as both you and Mari were hitting it, it sent shocks through your units. The units were just fine, but you two were knocked unconscious."
"Oh." Rei merely voiced. "But we were the only pilots at the time."
"NERV scooped Asuka and me up in the shelters," Shinji explained. It sounded a bit resentful.
"...so you piloted for me again?" Rei asked.
This made Shinji look down. The grip on Rei's hand slacked. It wasn't that easy, of course. "...eventually."
There was a pause. Rei was petting his hand. But finally she said. "I have a desire to know more about that."
Despite the situation, Shinji had to chuckle softly at that. "Asuka... Asuka and I... we didn't like the thought. We had quit. And now NERV just wanted to depose of us as if our decisions didn't even matter. And so... well, so..."
He stopped. And Rei didn't prompt him further. She just had his face turned to him and listened, waiting for more to come. Some medical apparatus hummed in the background. Shinji was fairly certain she could stay like that for an hour. But he wasn't sure if he could really tell her. He felt embarrassed.
...and yet, what had he just told her himself? Sometimes it isn't easy to get what you want. Even if you deserve it. But that is no reason to imagine you don't deserve it.
And Rei had a right to know. It wouldn't do if she returned to not even inquiring about herself. "We refused at first." There. He had said it.
"Oh," Rei made again. Then, curiously but also bluntly, "Why?"
Again, Shinji furrowed his brows. He looked at Rei. Finally, he managed to say, "Rei... hasn't it ever bothered you?" When she just looked at him questioningly, he explained. "All the time I have seen you here... you are just following orders. You are doing tests, you are fighting, you even faced down that angel's death beam... and nobody cares. Nobody even mentions it afterwards. All the people around us, our classmates, the NERV crew... they all survive, but only we suffer. And they don't even show gratitude."
"Is that why you pilot? To get praise?" Rei asked.
Shinji winced. But there had been to sting in Rei's voice. No accusation. Just a factual question. "I think so." He remembered that Rei had asked him once before, about why he piloted. He hadn't known then. In a way, it had been an automatism, not a conscious, deliberate decision. But he had reflected on it since then. "I think... I wanted praise from my father. No, that he would finally just see me. Recognize me. But I... I think I would have wished it from others as well. They all survived because of me."
Rei nodded. "If that is why you pilot, you should get praise."
Shinji looked at Rei oddly. He... well, he loved her, but at times she still managed to confuse him. Was it really that transactional for her? "What about you then? Shouldn't you get recognition as well."
Rei seemed to consider that. She was speaking slowly, hesitantly, as if not being quite clear about it herself. "Recently, I have felt... dissatisfied. By my treatment in NERV. But I don't even know what is wrong with it. It is the same as it always has been, and yet only now do I feel..." She fell silent, struggling for words. "But piloting is all I... all I had." Shinji remembered that she had told him that before, too. "The only way to be a little close to people at all. That was always sufficient."
Hearing this from this girl, his beacon of serenity and safety, Shinji felt that his heart was breaking a little. Without letting go of Rei, he took two steps back, reached out, and pulled a chair to her bedside. He sat down and looked at Rei intensely. "You... you deserve so much more, you know. You shouldn't have to... shouldn't have to break your bones just so you can talk to people." He furrowed his brow and added in a lower voice, "That just isn't right." There was genuine disgust in that voice.
Again, Rei looked down on her body. Her face was hard to read, a faint melancholy or faint smile maybe. "I never thought that was an option. I was content to have a bond to people at all."
Shinji bent over her, touched her shoulders and looked right at her. "You have me. Whether... whether you pilot or not."
And Rei looked right back. With a serious face, and with those widen open red eyes. "I know." There was a long pause, long enough to make Shinji posture rather awkward, but he didn't want to retreat awkwardly, either. "So that is why you refused to pilot."
Surprised, Shinji almost fell back into his chair. He managed just so to keep his bandaged and padded arm straight. "Uh, oh... yes." He smiled ruefully. "Misato just told us we had to pilot. She... she expected us to fall in line. Like machines. I think... I think I would have followed that." His voice was full of respect now. "It was Asuka who led the refusal."
"The Second Child," Rei merely said. Shinji was not quite sure where the sudden hardness in her voice came from.
"Uh... ah... yeah," he confirmed. "I mean... we did pilot. Once they asked us for it. I think... I don't think it was too much to expect that they could at least ask?"
"I don't know," Rei said bluntly. And of course she wouldn't. Thoughts like that still made Shinji's heart heavy, no matter how much he had vowed to help her.
He wanted to ask her what she thought at least. Getting her out of her shell was always a good thing. But now... what if she disapproved? What if she scolded him for not piloting? What if she hated him for not fighting for her? It was Rei, of course. Part of Shinji was convinced she would never do so.
But why risk it? Why even bring it up? It was better to ignore it. That was how he had always gone through life so far: By not confronting those things. It was better that people pretended to be friendly or care, rather than openly showing they aren't.
So he hurried to finish this detour. He leaned forwards in his chair again, and looked into Rei's face. "S-so we did eventually pilot. And we won." A small pause. No, this wasn't right. Shinji didn't think he should steal merit like that, even if he hadn't liked the circumstances. "I mean, it was mostly Asuka, really." His voice had gotten a bit darker, thinking back on what Asuka's command of the battlefield had entailed for him. But it had been her, after all. "I merely delivered the killing blow. But that had been her strategy, too."
His voice had been a strange mix of admiration and resentment, something he very much realized himself. He didn't like it, didn't like his confused thoughts about the matter, but that was how it was. Meanwhile, Rei just stared back at him. Of course, that was just her usual way. If she had nothing of consequence to say, she would indeed say nothing. It could be a bit unnerving, even now, but it was also reassuring. Rei was direct and to the point, with no guesses for hidden meanings necessary.
Which really was helpful here. If there was something she had to say about him not piloting initially, she would have said so already... right? It was still something nagging in the back of his mind. And more pertinently, there was that other issue he still had to bring up.
"And uh..." Shinji gulped. "Well, there is another thing. When we... when we agreed to pilot. We... well, that is, I... we did demand something in return. And uh, it also affects you." Rei looked at him questioningly. "I... I demanded... remuneration for all of us. Payments. And..." Well, there was no more delaying it. "New apartments."
Rei blinked. Her face looked genuinely surprised. It was adorable, but also concerning. Shinji's heart almost skipped a beat waiting for her answer. "I... am to move?" She sounded rather disoriented by that.
"Ah... I mean... not if you don't want to!" Shinji hastened to say. "But..." Shinji's shoulders slumped. A suspicion, one so typical for him, that he had fucked up rose inside him. It was only after Rei kept looking at him curiously that he managed to continue in a low voice. "I just didn't like... don't like how you're living. It's... it's a dump." He recalled what he had told his father. That helped. "What's the point of saving the world if I can't even help the people I, uh... if I can't even help you?"
"The apartment I live in is... or was my designated living place," Rei said. It sounded mechanical, but she added in a softer voice. "I didn't think I would live somewhere else. I have lived there for six years."
Six years... since she was eight? "Well... I think you can do better," Shinji told her.
"Better how?" Rei simply asked.
After he had sit there relatively still for a while, Shinji became agitated. His arms moved as he tried to make the obvious (to him) clear. "You barely have any furnishing, no decoration, it's constantly loud... that can't be comfortable. You deserve some more... well, comfort."
"Comfort..." Rei echoed. She turned her head away and looked out towards the room's broad window. "I don't think I know what that entails. I have gotten used to how I live."
"Oh," Shinji made. "Well, I... hm." That was incredibly disappointing. He was feeling uncomfortable now, shifting in his chair. "Well, I..." I should go. I fucked up.
He was about to get up when Rei turned her head around again. He stopped mid-motion, as if caught by her gaze. She held on to his hand, to his wrist. "Maybe it is worth a try. I don't know how to go about it, what actions would be the right ones... but maybe you can help me with that."And strangely, it sounded... hopeful? Which was unusual for Rei.
Oh. "Yes, of course!" Shinji exclaimed, still caught in a half-seated, half-standing up position. He got up and leaned on the railing at the side of Rei's bed. "We can get you properly furnished! Buy the stuff you really want! The colours you like, the amenities you like..." It was if a dam of enthusiasm had suddenly bursted.
"I... I have no idea how to go on about that," Rei said. "But I would like that." Her tone was soft, maybe a bit regretful, but the way she looked at him... maybe Shinji was just imagining it, but he thought he could read Rei relatively well by now, and there was some sort of sparkle in her eyes.
"I... I don't know what you like," Shinji answered. Getting that out of her when they had redecorated her old apartment had been difficult enough after all. "But we could find out. Make something out of the apartment you'll like. Something that is... well, something that is really your own."
Rei raised her upper body, supported on her arms, and looked at Shinji. "I don't know, either. But the thought of finding it out..." She trailed off.
"Yes?" Shinji prompted her.
"I feel like I have energy now to do that," Rei said. "Even though I am lying in hospital."
Shinji grinned. "It's called enthusiasm." Something he had felt preciously few times himself. "You could have a proper kitchen. For me to cook in when I'm over. Or... or maybe you can learn that yourself."
Rei basically froze up But the look she gave Shinji now was very bright. She slowly straightened up her upper body. "I like the idea."
"And... there could be place for other people," Shinji added. "If... if you want to have bonds with other people. You could invite Mari over then, or even Asuka." Not that that seems a likely prospect. "And uh..." Shinji stopped when a thought came into his mind unbidden. He started blushing.
"Yes?" Rei prompted now.
"Well, uh. I think, uh... we could also have... uh... more space if I'm... when I'm..." Shinji was blushing like a tomato now. Doing it was one thing, but openly talking about it quite another.
He was spared by the need to further elaborate when Rei grabbed his collar. She pulled herself upwards, and without any stop in her movement started kissing Shinji. His eyes widened. A moment later, he had both his hands on her waist, and was kissing back.
She hated this. Hated it, hated it, hated it.
Mari lay in her hospital bed, the cover all bundled up around her, with countless open manga strewn around her. She hated the bed with the rails, she hated the lights in the ceiling, she hated the stupid plants they used for decoration - so many decorative plants in the Geofront, NERV Japan probably had an entire separate gardening section.
But most of all, she hated just having to lay there. To lay there, do nothing and "heal". That was what Ritsuko had told her... well, at first. Ever since, NERV Japan's chief medical officer had left dealing with Mari to underlings. They as well had told her she needed rest, to allow her body to heal. Urrrrgh.
Of course, it was not like that she could do much more than lying here. She had tried pacing around the room, but that had gotten old really fast, too. Besides, her legs were covered in burn marks as well, and while the pain during walking was a nice distraction at first, it had quickly gotten too much.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. She blamed herself. If she hadn't lost against the angel, this all wouldn't have happened. You win some, you lose some. She had always figured in the chance to eventually lose to an angel, but she had always thought that would be the end of it then. Not that it would result in utter boredom.
Lying here, unable to do nothing... it was like... like...
Mari closed her eyes and breathed out. Like earlier times. Hastily she grabbed one of the opened manga and tried to resume reading. Anything was better than thinking about that. But she didn't have the concentration. Too much pent up energy, too many thoughts. She couldn't focus on reading because she was too agitated, and she was too agitated because she couldn't distract herself by reading.
She had had years of inactivity. Doing nothing. Things being done to her. Japan was supposed to be a chance to go out and bash in some stuff, even if it meant having to synch. And now this. Ritsuko had told her her injuries would be gone in a matter of days; Mari hoped that the next angel attack would come after that period. She felt the very acute need to bash in some things right now.
She kicked her feet in frustration, causing half the bed cover to fall over the bed's side. Then she breathed in air - that leg movement had not helped with her burns down there. "Goddamn shit," she cursed, and let herself flop onto her belly. Head buried into the mattress, she sighed. She felt like going insane, and she had only been awake for half a day.
Fuck, how will I even sleep tonight? With absolutely no physical activity today!
There was a knock at the door. It's evening already, what else do they still want?But Mari just shouted "Come in!" through the mattress.
The door opened... and immediately Mari heard heard a strangled noise. Lazily, she turned her head around on the mattress without lifting it up... and saw Shinji standing there, arms half-raised, head as red as a tomato.
Oh. Given how short her gown was to keep as much of the burn wounds uncovered as possible... and given her leg movements... Mari grinned into the mattress and then raised her head a bit. "Oh hi there, puppy." At the same time, she stretched a bit, with the intended further effect on her gown. Maybe this will be some fun. Pretending to not notice at all, she said cheerily, "Coming by to say hello?"
"I... ah... yes..." Shinji stuttered. As Mari had thought, he had trouble speaking up with what bothered him. "I thought, uh, someone should check in on you." To Mari's amusement she noticed he couldn't keep his view from her.
Though even aside from the chance of teasing - or rather, flashing - him, it was a nice sentiment. "Well, you've been the only one so far." She began bouncing her lower legs on the mattress. "Come in, come in."
Shinji did but his view was transfixed even while walking. "I was, uh, at Rei's room, uh... I thought I couldn't just leave you alone, if I'm at the hospital anyway."
Mari chuckled. She was enjoying this greatly... and truth be told, despite the circumstances, a bit touched. "Huh. Thoughtful of you."
Shinji began blinking, and tried to look to Mari's face. Unable to say much else, he played his final card. "...are...are you okay?"
"I'm fiiiine" Mari told him. Oh this was just too much fun. "Just boooored. So how's the Kitten?"
"Uh... uh... f-fine, I guess?" And before Mari could say anything more, Shinji managed to add. "Uh... Mari... your gown..."
Damnit. Now forced to look down her body, Mari made as if she had only know seen how much of it was uncovered. "Oh." Then she grinned. "See something you like?"
A veritable waterfall of stutterfing followed from Shinji. "Ah... awa... ah... Ma... M... Mari!"
Now Mari started to laugh wildly. "It's okay. You can look." And in a mock-sultry voice. "Or touch, maybe?"
Now Shinji closed his eyes, stood upright and said, despite a highly red head. "Mari!"
The girl just chuckled and got up into a sitting position on the mattress, the rim of her gown falling down again and thus covering everything. "Fiiine, fine. No more games. You and the Kitten are just too cute together anyway, wouldn't want to risk that."
Shinji scoffed, as if trying to regain some dignity, opened an eye a bit to make sure the coast was clear, and then approached to her bed. "I have no idea what you are talking about," he said.
"Of course not," Mari said mirthfully. A soft chuckle. "Ah, sorry, puppy, it's just I'm going crazy in here from boredom."
A short pause. Shinji's lips quivered in suppressed amusement. "...this must be your worst nightmare."
That hit like a truck. "You have no idea."
Mari's suddenly serious, even grave voice, let an awkward silence fall onto the conversation. Finally, Shinji spoke up, "Uh... but uh... everything else is okay?"
"The pain sucks," Mari said. "Can't stress the burned skin too much. But it's not really bad bad, you know? Doc says I'll get out of here. In an eternity or two. That is, four to six days."
Shinji smiled tolerantly at that. "That's good to..."
Mari darted forwards and grabbed Shinji's collar. "Now tell me why I am even still alive!"
Shinji's reaction was to almost hop backwards in surprise, but Mari's grip prevented that. Then he furrowed her brows. "They didn't tell you, either?"
Mari shrugged while still keeping a hold on that collar. "Doc doesn't really want to deal with me, and her underlings don't know shit."
Clearing his throat, Shinji managed to stand up straight again, leaving Mari's grip behind. "Well, uh... I only saw drone footage of your battle, but..."
It was bad enough to hear from Shinji how she had failed in her sortie. That damn angel cheated again! Hidden powers! But hey, some battles you just lose. What was worse was what came afterwards: She had gotten her ass saved by Shinji and Asuka. Even though both had already quit.
The puppy let himself be stuffed into the entry-plug again, to take over from me. And the princess... Mari hadn't seen Asuka in ages. She hadn't appeared in class anymore and hadn't come to synch-tests, either. As far as Mari had been concerned, Asuka had simply dropped off the face of the earth. It was only later that she had learned, through Geofront gossip, that Asuka now had quit as well.
That had been new. She would never have thought in a million years the proud and haughty princess would be the one quitting. Good on her, though - the girl had become visibly more and more unhappy in Japan. Mari respected standing up for oneself, and to hell what Japanese society thought about fitting in.
...and now I have dragged them both back in again. It was such an awkward and embarrassing thought.
"Wait," Mari spoke up at a later part of the explanation. "You kicked out Colonel Buxom? Well, shit. I guess I can understand it what with how she shoved you into a storage room and all, but I liked her... well, her attributes, anyway." She grinned.
Shinji just scoffed at that. There was no humour in that. The topic seemed to be more serious than Mari had assumed. And that from the well domesticated puppy. What the hell has Misato done to them?
Mari herself didn't greatly care about Misato one way or the other. It was all just a big game to her, after all, with not much in the way of attachments - and hence she was intrigued by this sudden twist. Her game senses began tingling. Now that was something to learn more about. Either to report it to Europe, or even to Russia, or to use it for her own sake. Hmmm...
Shinji continued the story, eventually coming to. "I guess it made sense for Asuka to send me away." He didn't look happy about it, though. "I mean, she certainly knew what she was doing." It was an interesting mix of admiration and resentment Shinji was showing here. "And... I guess that aerial maneuver she made me do made sense. It defeated the angel."
There was a silence. When Shinji lifted his downcast head again, his gaze was met with a sternly raised eyebrow from Mari. "Really now, puppy? 'It made sense'? You're easier to read than Pen-Pen in poker, and his tail waggles always give him away." Mari enjoyed seeing Shinji's utter, utter confusion as she told her nonsense story. "So come on. I won't tell the Princess or your father or even the kitten. What is really going on?"
"N... noth-" Shinji was stopped by another glance from Mari. He sighed and looked down again. Predictable. Finally he said. "It still meant... it still meant they just shoved me out of a plane. Like I was just some sort of bomb to be used." Pause. "No, that wasn't the problem. I have come to expect that. It's... Asuka ordered that." He looked at her as if waiting for some validation on how crazy that was.
"Ahhh..." Mari voiced."Well, our dear Princess has been raised in her castle, I guess she doesn't know any better." When Shinji looked at her oddly, she explained. "She has been doing this since she was 6, puppy. She had been kicked out of a plane at age 8 or 9. That pilots get used like that... yeah, she might have tried to elopse with her knight in shining armour... no wait, that metaphor doesn't work..." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, she might have left over that, but it's still... normal to her. I wouldn't think she even so much as a had a second thought about that."
Mari had expected confusion from Shinji or shock or questions. Instead... nothing. Total silence. And the boy was sitting completely straight and motionless on his chair, too. "...Puppy?"
"I am such a pathetic little boy," he whispered. And with that he hastily stood up and left the room again.
Huh. But then, that was the puppy for you.
"Man, the class is empty today," Touji said in his typically snotty voice, right after he had slammed the room's door open in an equally typical fashion.
"Suzuhara!" Standing in the middle of the room, Hikari had turned towards the source of the noise, and was now frowning angrily. She walked up to the boy in large steps, despite how much smaller she was. "Don't - slam - the doors! You need to be careful with school property."
"Demoted again to Suzuhara, huh?" Kensuke muttered at his side.
The boys had walked to school together... after Kensuke had spent minutes running to make up lost time and only then had caught up to his friend. The morning had been hectic, and he had really not wanted to leave Asuka alone...
Touji was raising his hands. "Hey! And what about us poor students. Shouldn't you be careful with us, too?"
This seemed to just further annoy Hikari, which made Kensuke giggle. He felt like he had really accomplished something yesterday, had found a real way to help Asuka, and the cuddling had been nice, too, especially after she had again... ehem. But it was also nice to just be here again. Hear how his friends were bickering. To just have smaller concerns.
Despite her angry face, Hikari calmed down and now turned his attention to Kensuke. "Aida!" She stopped and furrowed her brows. "...you seem to be in good spirits today."
That stumped Kensuke, but to his surprise, Touji chimed in. "Yeah, she got a point, ya know. You've been kinda... down the past week or two."
Ah. Not a good thing that had shown, but Kensuke could hardly deny it. So he just shrugged his shoulders. "I guess that just happens from time to time. So, Horaki, where is everyone?"
Hikari turned her head around to look at the room. Touji and Kensuke used that chance to enter. "Well, I didn't hear anything about even more people moving away. I think it's just the effect of what happened yesterday."
"None of the pilots are present," Touji remarked in a low voice. "Not even Shinji."
Hikari nodded. The three were standing quite closely near the blackboard, almost like a conspiratorial circle. "It's unusual. And considering what injuries Ayanami or Asuka had at times, and still showed up..."
Kensuke grinned, quite enjoying his advantage in knowledge. "Well, don't bet on that happening again. Like, ever."
Both Touji and Hikari looked at him oddly. Finally, Touji asked in a distrustful voice. "What do you mean, Ken-man? Have you scooped around your conspiracy theory forums again?"
"Well..." Kensuke began - but that was exactly when the teacher entered the room. Everyone hurried to their place. "I'll tell you during the break!"
Usually, Kensuke was one of the more attentive people in class. Not quite to the same level as Hikari, of course, but certainly more so than Rei or Touji. But today, after the usual standing - bowing - sitting down routine, he didn't even try to keep up. There just was way too much on his mind.
Asuka was back at his place. Her sudden appearance, pizzas in hand, had startled Kensuke, but truth be told, it had turned out to be one of his best video gaming sessions ever. He didn't quite know what to make of it. A girl that was his girlfriend and also his friend. And she was his evening hours before they had fallen asleep together had made that rather clear, even if it had been 'just' kissing and cuddling again.
They had talked as well. About Asuka's past. About Kensuke's hobbies (he dearly hoped he had not nerded out too much, though Asuka was striking him as a person who would just bluntly tell him if that were the case). And about plans for the future. Asuka was now a pilot again. She had wondered if that would be her fate forever. At one point, she would have welcomed that... but that was before she had realized what was really being done to her.
And after they had fallen asleep together and woken up together, it just felt sort of natural that Asuka should stay there, at least for one or two nights. Where else would she go? To the Geofront? To Misato? That had been unacceptable. Kensuke would take care of her. Or the whole Aida family, for that matter.
His father had nearly said no to this... but even he couldn't think of a better idea where Asuka could stay until her new apartment would be sorted out. At least not heartless ones. Besides, Kensuke was pretty sure he wasn't just doing it for the sake of his son; Aida senior seemed to genuinely have made Asuka's case his mission, too.
A sigh escaped Kensuke's lips as he laid his chin on his arms folded over his desk. It bothered him that there were no reassurances or comforting words he had been able to tell her. Oh, he had promised to stay at her side of course, and he meant it. But it was not like he could stop the angels from coming. He had felt helpless.
Asuka was doing better, but there still was so much on her plate...so it gave him a feeling of satisfaction, or contentedness, if he could in fact help her. He couldn't stop the angels, but he could give her some form of shelter. Idly, his hand slid into his open bag. And of course, there were also some other ways of helping...
Finally, the school bell rang. Once the teacher was gone, it was time for Kensuke's great show. He took something out of the bag, walked up to a surprised Hikari's table, and slammed what he held onto it - today's issue of Asahi Shimbun. His dad's company really had worked fast.
Turning his head to Touji he called out, "Hey, Touji, you wanted to know what I meant?"
Touji had leaned his chair back and was watching the class. Now he looked at Kensuke as if he were crazy, but then grumbled and did walk over.
Meanwhile, Hikari took a look at the newspaper. "That's... that's Asuka." Kensuke grinned. A black-and-white picture of Asuka's head while she was in casual clothing adorned the first page. Hikari read the headline," 'Heroine of Tokyo-3'. Huh. I mean...a bit dramatic, isn't it?"
That was when Touji arrived."What is... oh hey... Shikinami? In the newspaper? What bank has she robbed now?"
Hikari was holding the newspaper in her hands and had already read a bit. Now she looked up to Touji with a glare."They're writing how she has saved the city over and over again." And an added whisper, "Four times already... and that's just her."
"Four times?" Touji furrowed his brows. "I can only recall three angel alarms since she turned up."
"That would still be having saved the city three times," Kensuke pointed out, hoping it would sound casual.
"I guess," Touji grunted. "Hey... what about the Shin-Man then? Why isn't he in there? Or that new crazy girl?"
Kensuke shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Of course he knew the reason. Shinji wouldn't want the attention. But what he said was, "Hey man. Getting just one pilot as informer, that's quite the coup. Have you seen the author?"
Hikari raised the newspaper up to get to that part. "Aida... your father?"
Kensuke just grinned at her... while,with some delay, Touji burst out laughing and hit Kensuke's back."Ah, I see. Old man scored a big hit, eh? Yeah I guess that's something to be proud of."
Unfortunately, Hikari was a bit more pragmatical in outlook. She sounded concerned. "Will NERV allow this? Won't they shut this all down?"
The girl had a point. Kensuke hung around forums of military nerds, 'NERV watchers' and yes, also conspiracy theorists often enough that he knew how NERV dealt with any kind of criticism. They didn't even need to use Japan's libel laws or abuse the justice system, like other powerful institutions. In Tokyo-3, they were the law.
"If they hadn't found a way I doubt Asahi Shimbun would have published this," Kensuke hence said. A renewed grin. "If my father hadn't found a way, that is."
"Hmm," Hikari just voiced, now lost in the article."Well... that is... uh... bleak..." Slowly, she laid the newspaper down again.
This allowed Touji to grab the front page. "Hmmm... hmm... since she was 6? What the hell, man..."
Hikari took a step sidewards to still be able to read, even with Touji holding the page. Her head became only ever so slightly redder as it nearly bumped against the boy's shoulders. "And it says... it says Ms Katsuragi was one of her guardians even back then..."
"Shit, Kensuke," Touji cursed. This would have normally earned him at least a glare from Hikari, but the girl was too distracted by the newspaper and, perhaps, her proximity to him. "Man, we were so wrong about her, huh? Really dodged a bullet there..."
Kensuke kept the grin on his face. Oh sure, he was proud of his father. It took some guts to negotiate with Commander Ikari. Facing the de facto dictator of Tokyo-3 was a valiant task all in itself... and more than that,it was his father who had pushed for the story, had organized it, and had in fact done most of the work. Hideo Aida could be far more resourceful and determined than his grey mouse-like exterior would let on.
But even so, that wasn't Kensuke's main motivation. It would have made no difference if he had told everyone Asuka's story. It would have been awkward, too. The girl had been in class for weeks, and nobody had cared that she had saved the world three times, now four, in that now that she had made it to the frontpage of Japan's biggest daily newspaper, well...
Kensuke leaned back while others approached the Class Representative's desk. Half the class, easily. And maybe they would learn a thing or two about how Asuka had suffered of the sake of all of their lives.