CHAPTER FOUR

Penelope laid across her bed, staring at the ceiling. She had cried so many tears over the past few days, that had no more to give, despite vowing to never cry again. Just one more way that she had failed. So, she continued to studied the ceiling, having all thoughts and no thoughts all at once.

"Go away," she called out when there was a knock on her bedroom door.

"I am hoping that you will make an exception for me?" Eloise implored, sticking her head through the doorway.

Penelope raised her head, blinking as if she saw an apparition. "What are you doing here?"

Eloise flopped down beside her on her bed. "I thought we should talk."

"What should we talk about? The weather? The last ball? What books are we reading?"

"Definitely the latest fashions," Eloise giggled, causing Penelope to let our her own tiny one. A tiny part of her heart hoped that this was the beginning of their reconciliation. "Colin told me what he has said. I am sorry that my brother is such an idiot."

Penelope patted Eloise's arm. Somehow, she was not surprised that Eloise's brother's stance caused her to rethink her own. "He is not. He is angry and he has every right to be."

Eloise clasped Penelope's hand. "As do you! Entrapment. What could you have possibly done to entrap him?"

"Eloise," Penelope whispered. Despite her cheeks heating, she made eye contact. "I was most definitely compromised."

"With my brother?" The look of disgust of her face caused Penelope to burst out with laughter. "How compromised are you?"

Covering her face with her free hand, Penelope admitted, "Completely. It just sort of happened. There was a mirror and he was telling me how beautiful and deserving that I was-"

Eloise took a shuddering breath. "I do not need to know more. But why on earth are you not marching him down the aisle?"

"He does not want me," Penelope professed, forlornly, "not the real me. You were correct when you said that he could not truly love me until he knew all of me." She sighed. "He knows all of me now and he looks at me with disgust and distrust."

"He does love you. He just…" Eloise's voice trailed off as she tried find the words to assure her friend.

Penelope squeezed her hand. "I will not force him to spend a life with me. He is too good, too kind. Even after all of this, I believe that. He deserves to love someone with his entire heart, someone he can be proud of. I saw what resentment did to my parents' marriage. I cannot live through that again, not when I have a choice to avoid it." Penelope turned her attention back to the ceiling. "I cannot give up Whistledown. When I have to put my pen down at the end of the season, it feels as if I cannot breathe. I am itching out of my skin until I can write her again. I know you hate her, with good reason, but she is me."

"No, no. I understand. It took me a long time, but I realize now that if you were to lose Whistledown, you would lose a part of yourself. You were right; Whistledown is power. Certainly, you did not always use her in the best way, but you've grown. You have given a voice to so many of us."

"Thank you, Eloise." She swiped at the tears that had fallen from her eyes. "I cannot tell you what that means to me."

Eloise grew quiet as she got lost in her own thoughts. "What will you do if there are… consequences?"

Penelope inhaled deeply. "I shall find a small house, perhaps by the sea, and raise this child as a widow. Lady Whistledown has set me up rather nicely. Maybe you can join us and we can live out the spinster life that you have dreamed about."

"Wouldn't that be something?" They laughed together. "Of course, you will have to have a daughter. I do not think we could handle a Bridgerton boy."

"Perhaps, not." Penelope grinned wistfully as the picture of a young boy with dark hair, blue eyes, and a charming smile. "A girl, however, could end up being quite impudent if raised by you and me."

Eloise stared at the ceiling, a smirk upon her own lips. "As she should be. We will teach her that there is power in her voice, even if others try to shut it down. She will take society by storm and have no need for any man."

Penelope smirked. "Only if that is what she chooses. First and foremost, we shall offer her a choice to be anything that she wishes."

"We could spend all day chasing the little one at the beach and spend the evenings writing. I, of course, would write feminist prose. But you, you could-"

"Write a biting novel," Penelope filled in, her tone holding just a bit of bitterness, "one full of romance and understanding where the man is always supportive, no matter what he discovers about his love."

Eloise rolled onto her side to face Penelope. "Do not give up on my brother, Pen. I believe he will be able to reconcile all sides of you. I truly believe he loves you, all of you. He is just too stupid to see it right now. Men are so often stupid and sadly, my brother is not immune"

"I am glad I have you back."

Turning on her back, Eloise moved her head to Penelope's shoulder. "Me, too. Together, we are unstoppable."

Their giggles carried on through the hallway, lifting the spirit of the house.

Eloise returned to Bridgerton House several hours later, a mixture of hope and sadness in her chest. She was making her way up the stairs when she realized that Colin was sitting in Anthony's office in the dark.

"You will make yourself sick," Eloise told him, walking into the cold room.

"It does not matter," he replied, not looking at her.

Eloise sat down at the card table. "She has a plan, Colin, on what to do if she is with child."

Colin shifted to study her. "She told you about-"

"Not any details!" Eloise hurriedly said, throwing her hands up. "It is bad enough that I know my brother compromised my best friend." Eloise reached a hand across the table towards Colin. "She has a plan and it is one that will work. It is time for you to decide if you love the true Penelope or the idea of her that you put into your mind."