January Surprise: Chapter 4

"This is great, Jo," Roy said. "Artichokes, even!"

"Well, you know. I can't not make those on special occasions any more—not after that quiz show! But gentlemen—we have some planning to do, correct?" Joanne said.

Mike wiped his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "The way I see it," he said, "the initial reveal needs to be (a), completely public, and (b), everyone has to see it at once."

"True," Roy said. "Wouldn't have nearly the desired effect if the guys stumbled upon it one at a time. Do you have any ideas about how to work that out?"

Mike grinned. "Do I ever! It'll kinda depend on getting in a little early before the next shift, though. And it's also a lucky thing that C-shift is on today, so we'll be taking over for B-shift. Because we gotta make sure that B-shift's captain is out of the office for a few minutes, and it'll be a lot easier and less risky to try to distract Captain Dodd than Captain Hookrader. If you can handle the distraction, then I can handle the rest."

"Well, you know, anyone can distract Captain Dodd any time by starting up a conversation about stamps. I'll just have to rustle up an interesting-looking stamp, and he'll be all over it," Roy said.

"The MacPhersons just got back from Europe," Joanne said. "I bet they'll have something you can use."

"Perfect!" Mike said. "I'll just have to get into the office for about three minutes to set up the main event. After everyone's seen … it … all at once, and we plant a few more copies in amusing places, just to keep things going, I have a feeling us guys will take care of old Chester pretty handily. He'll regret even thinking about water-bombing me."

"They always say you have to watch out for the quiet ones," Joanne said. "And I sure wish I could be a fly on the wall at Station 51 on your next shift. It seems unfair, somehow, that I found this, but I don't get to see it in action."

"I'll make sure you get a full report," Roy assured her. "And besides, you know Johnny will tell all."

"Speaking of which," Joanne said, "do you think he ought to be in on this?"

Roy looked at Mike. "I dunno, I think it oughta be up to Mike, since it's his revenge."

Mike looked up into the corner of the room for a moment. "No," he said, a slow grin forming on his face. "I actually think it'll be just as fun to see what his face looks like at the main event as it does to see Kelly's."

"And … what's the main event going to be, actually?" Roy asked. "The casual observer notes that you haven't quite mentioned that."

Mike crossed his arms on his chest and smirked.

"You'll see."

~!~!~!~

Two days later, 0730, Station 51.

Roy arrived at the station earlier than was typical for him. But there was a job to be done, and he was ready for his role. Mike was waiting for him in the parking lot, holding a familiar cardboard tube.

"Good news," Mike said. "Station's empty. So this'll be a piece of cake."

"Great," Roy said. "You need a hand?"

Mike shook his head. "You and Joanne gave me a surprise I'll remember forever, so I thought I'd return the favor. I mean, unless you don't want to be surprised."

"I'll stick with knowing what's coming, but not when or where," Roy said.

"In that case, just stay out here, and keep anyone else out of the building for a couple minutes."

"Can do," Roy replied.

Mike looked behind him, as if there could possibly be anyone watching, and then darted furtively into the building. Roy shook his head, thinking it was a good thing Mike never tried for a life of crime, because he'd be terrible at it.

Roy sat on the hood of his sports car, and waited for an all-clear signal from Mike. After only a few seconds, a dark sedan pulled into the lot, and parked next to Roy.

Shit, shit, shit! Roy thought. Of all the lousy timing!

"Good morning, Cap," Roy said, as Hank Stanley unfolded himself from his Oldsmobile. "How's it going?"

"Just fine—and yourself?" Cap asked.

"Good, good," Roy said, moving himself between Cap and the back door of the station.

Cap raised his eyebrows, and looked towards the station and back again. "Something going on in there that I'm not supposed to know about?" he asked.

"What? No! I, uh, just wondered if you could take a look at something real quick, as long as we're out here," Roy said. His eyes darted around the parking lot, looking for a suitable diversion.

"Okay … what'd you have in mind?"

"Well … you see …" A light bulb went on in Roy's head. "It's my car. It's making this weird noise. Here, lemme start it up, and see if you can figure out where it's coming from."

"Sure," Cap said, standing in front of the Porsche. "These foreign jobs can be more trouble than they're worth."

Roy started the engine, and Cap leaned down towards the hood. He moved to one side, then the other, and shook his head.

"I don't hear anything, DeSoto," he said.

Roy revved the engine. "How about now? Sometimes it happens after I accelerate."

Cap listened again, and as Roy watched, he saw Mike peer out from the doorway and give a thumbs-up signal.

Roy stuck his head out the window.

"I don't think it's gonna make the noise," he said, and shut the engine off.

"Well, that's the way these things go," Cap said, thumping Roy on the shoulder. "It never makes the noise when you actually want someone to hear it, right?"

"Right," Roy said, hoping his voice wasn't shaking.

Cap didn't seem to notice. "Well, I see Stoker's here. Hopefully he's made the coffee already; I could really use a cup," he said.

Sure enough, Mike was in the kitchen, putting a fresh pot of coffee on to percolate.

"Hey Cap, hey DeSoto," he said.

"Mornin'," Cap said. "What's B-shift got?"

"Oh, I, uh, didn't look at the logbook," Mike said.

"Really? I'll go check, then," Cap said, as he left the room.

Mike waited till Cap was out of earshot. "Guess I shoulda checked. Oh well. You think he suspects anything?"

"Well … I felt like an idiot trying to distract him with some noise my car wasn't making, but I don't think so."

"Good," Mike said. "I got my thing done."

"What thing?" Cap asked, as he returned to the kitchen. "And B-shift's been out for twenty on an unknown problem."

"My favorite," Roy said.

"And Mike, sounds like you got something done on your days off?" Cap said, not one to let things slide.

"Oh, uh, just a yardwork project," Mike said, fumbling to think of something that wasn't a total lie. "Took out a sapling that wasn't in a good spot."

"Ah. Anyhow—we'll have an easy start to the morning. If you'll recall, we've got our annual required viewing of the department's public relations protocol slide show," Cap said.

"Ah—how not to be a jerk to the citizens," Mike said. "Delightful. If I recall, it's a pretty boring show."

"Makes up for it by being short, though," Cap said. He tapped on the percolator. "C'mon, you. Hurry up."

Just then, the commotion of B-shift's engine crew arriving with Engine 51 interrupted Cap's pot-watching. The engine was dusty on the top and spattered with mud along the bottom, so Roy and Mike hosed it down, while two of the B-shift men squeegeed the water out onto the apron. By the time they were done, it was shift change time, and the rest of the A-shift crew had arrived.

Roll call was the usual pro forma occasion, with Cap handing out daily assignments.

"And now, we're all going to the day room, and we're going to politely sit through our annual viewing of the PR slide show," Cap said, concluding their informal morning meeting. "Kelly, you wanna give me a hand with the AV equipment?"

"Sure thing, Cap," Chet said.

Roy noticed Mike biting his lip, and knew the beginning of the revenge was close at hand.

Chet set up the tripod legs and pole of the projector screen, while Cap fiddled with the slide projector.

"All right, Kelly. Raise that screen up, will ya?" Cap said.

Chet grasped the D-ring at the top of the rolled-up screen, and hoisted it up to the hook at the top of the stand. And there, in the middle of the screen, was January's Man At Work.

TBC