January Surprise: Chapter 5
At first, there was silence.
Utter, complete silence, the likes of which had never before been experienced in Station 51's day room.
Captain Stanley was the first to speak. Sort of.
"Uh … oh …" he uttered.
Johnny, though, took up the slack.
"Woo hoo hoo!" he chortled. "Now that's some PR! Chester B. Kelly, you've been holding out on us!"
"For about ten years, it looks like," Marco said, squinting at the pictures and then backing away. "What were you thinking?"
"Um …" Chet said. He was blushing furiously, practically lighting the room with his bright red glow.
"What I always wondered," Mike said, "is why the nickname for 'Chester' is 'Chet.' It really oughta be 'Chest.'"
"At least we know what the 'B.' is for, now," Roy said.
"Please, DeSoto, grace us with your explanation," Cap said. He was determined to enjoy the moment, but knew he couldn't be an instigator.
"Babyface." Roy answered.
"Or 'Brawn,'" Marco said. "What the heck happened between then and now, Kelly?"
Chet stood silently for a few seconds. "They said they weren't going to use it," he muttered, as if talking to himself.
"Looks like they changed their minds," Johnny said. "And what the heck did happen?"
"Aw, c'mon, guys! It was a phase! I have these phases, you know?" Chet said. "And, well, the bodybuilding phase was a long time ago."
"A really long time ago," Mike said, in a tone low enough to be heard only by his immediate neighbors, which happened to include Chet.
"It's a lot of work!" Chet said, determined to defend himself. "You try it sometime!"
"All right, everyone; settle down," Captain Stanley said. The moment was rapidly losing its charm. "We still have to get through this slide show, you know." He untaped the calendar page from the projector screen.
"I think I'll take that," Chet said, holding out his hand.
"Suit yourself," Cap said, rolling up the page and handing it to Chet, like a relay runner passing the baton.
"But Cap," Johnny said.
"But what?" Cap said. "I'm sure as heck not gonna give it to you. Besides, I bet you have plenty more where that came from, if I know you."
"I don't … what? It wasn't me!" Johnny protested loudly.
"Uh huh," Chet said. "Sure it wasn't, Gage. Sure it wasn't."
"It wasn't!" Johnny said again. "Roy, tell him it wasn't me!"
Roy had a quick and silent debate with himself. While he wished Johnny hadn't dragged him into this, it was only fair to be honest.
"It wasn't him," Roy said. "And that's all I have to say about this. Cap, let's watch that slide show, huh?"
"Yes, let's do that," Cap said. "I don't wanna hear another word about this until the show is over, capisce?"
Nobody dared say a word, but nods, reluctant and otherwise, were seen around the room.
Cap started the projector, and turned the day room lights off. The show started, with a slide of an action shot taken at a structure fire.
"The mission of the Los Angeles County Fire Department is to save lives," the voice droned. The projector automatically clicked to the next slide—another dramatic shot. "And protect property."
"We're good at our jobs. In 1967 alone, we estimate that over six hundred lives were saved by our men." A photo of a civilian being led from a smoke-filled structure appeared.
"Nineteen sixty seven," someone muttered into the darkness. "Good grief."
"But there's more to the job than those most important tasks. Community relations, be it public education, or simply public kindness—" an eye-rolling photo appeared. of a smiling firefighter, oddly attired in a Class-A uniform while putting a band-aid on a child's knee— "go a long way towards showing our community that we care. The citizens of our community are our taxpayers, and our customers." A woman in an apron shook a fireman's hand, while a smoking pot languished in the yard.
"We must each put our best foot forward, on any given day, to demonstrate that we are pillars of our community." The projector changed photos again, and this time, an enlargement of the bare-chested, kitten-bearing Chet Kelly calendar shot flashed to the screen.
"People the taxpayers can count on, to get the job done." The words were almost unheard over the howls of laughter that accompanied a slide showing Chet in his sultry bedtime pose.
The room erupted in laughter and other sounds. Even Roy, who had seen the photo several times before, and Mike, who had perpetrated the prank, were doubled over in laughter.
The automatic show continued, ignored by its captive audience, until Captain Stanley ended the spectacle, literally unplugging the projector.
"All right—I think whoever you are, you've made your point. If there's anything else in this projector that doesn't belong there, now's your chance to take it out," Cap said, looking around the room.
Chet sat sullenly; it obviously wasn't him. Roy had absolved Johnny of any wrongdoing, and Cap was inclined to believe him. Marco … he'd never pulled a prank in his life, as far as Cap could tell.
That left the two least likely suspects: Roy, who tended to stay out of the Phantom/Pigeon dynamics as well as he could, and … Stoker?
It had to be him, Cap realized. And Roy was in on it, somehow. That nonsense in the parking lot had to have something to do with this.
Cap shook his head. What's this world coming to, he thought, as he continued the show.
Nobody paid any attention at all.
TBC