April moves out.

"Jackson?"

He looked up at her. They hadn't spoken or even really been in the same room since that talk a couple of nights ago.

It causes me pain the way that we're doing this.

"Do you have a couple of minutes? I wanted to talk.", April continued.

"Yeah. Of course. Why don't you -", Jackson gestured towards the couch & she eyed it warily, seeing as the last conversation they had there was one of the hardest in her life but shook her head slightly & went to sit across from him.

She'd shut down & shut him out. He senses it as he's trying to read her right now, but he can't. And that's killing him. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was never supposed to end up this way. How did he let it? How were they worse off now than when they literally got divorced.

"I just wanted to confirm our arrangement regarding Harriet.", she broke him out of his thoughts, "It'll still be switching off every other week?"

"Yeah.. I.. Yeah, I think that makes sense. Obviously we can deal with one offs, as & when required, right?"

"Of course."

"So…"

"I.. found a place.", April cut him off, "It's not too far."

"Oh.", he swallowed roughly, "Trying your best to get the hell out of here, huh?", he chuckled, trying to joke to lighten the mood but she just looked at him stoically before continuing.

"The lease will start from the 1st of next month so it's still a couple of weeks out though."

"That's kind of expected, right?"

"Yeah."

"So we can.. figure out the details in the mean-"

"I'll be moving out on Friday.", she cut him off.

"What?"

"I've booked a room in the Archfield.."

"April.."

"And I'll have most of my packing done by then & the movers will be here-"

"April!"

"On Saturday, if you're available to let them in or I can reschedule-"

"APRIL!", he all but yelled, "Stop."

And she did. She took a deep breath & sat there without looking at him. She just wanted out. Literally & figuratively. And she was hoping this conversation could be wrapped up asap but apparently today he had things to say.

"April..", he tried to catch her eye, hoping desperately that she looked at him, sighing deeply when she didn't. "It's just 2 weeks, you don't have to rush out. Just plea- Just stay till your lease starts."

"I've already booked my room and.. I don't really think it's appropriate to stay in your house any more. God knows I've done that plenty over the years."

It's my name on the lease, it's my house.

"Come on..", he whispered, "You-".

April squeezed her eyes shut, she didn't want that last bit to slip out. She wanted to do this with as much dignity as possible without making it obvious how much she was hurting. She didn't want it to be obvious that he'd left her behind & heartbroken again. So she cut him off again before he could continue whatever that he was going to, not wanting to hear anything from him about this.

"The room is pretty big so I won't have trouble with Harriet, when she's with me. Are you ok with keeping her next week? Or do you prefer the week after?"

Jackson stared at her, blinking repeatedly, taking in the face of this woman he'd loved for so long. In some form or another, he'd loved her. It could be used as a descriptive for him, really. Jackson Avery - Boston native, plastic surgeon, April Kepner lover. But it's not enough, it hadn't been for a long time. He knew that when he asked for the divorce. But he fucked up in Montana anyway. Let his ever-present, overwhelming feelings for her overpower the fact he knew all too well & he hurt her. He hurt her. And now he was losing her. Whatever it was that he had left of her, he was losing & he deserved it.

"Maybe I should keep her here till you're settled in to your new-, your place.", he cleared his throat, "She's used to her room here, I can pick her up or you can drop her off in the nights?"

"I don't want to impose-"

"She's my daughter."

"I just meant if you have plans or something.", she replied.

"Well, don't worry about it."

"Ok."

"Ok."

~Friday~

April held Harriet in her arms & rocked her slowly, kissing her softly, as she prepared to leave. "I love you, ladybug. Mommy loves you so much."

April had taken a day off & boxed up most of her belongings for the movers that were going to move her boxes to Arizona's basement for the time that she was in the hotel. It wasn't much anyway since most of the furniture was Jackson's but April wanted a clean break so she was glad she was able to get it all done fairly quickly.

"The movers will be here tomorrow around 11. That still good?", she asked Jackson, who was standing across from them, while still cuddling Harriet.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Ok, I've kept all the boxes to the side. They should be in & out in like 15mins max.", she moved over to Harriet's crib, placing her down softly & kissing her again. She smiled down at her daughter & breathed in deeply, keeping her tears at bay. This is all for you, honey.

April was feeling better, more confident of her decision. She had spent the last couple of months in confusion & pain. Wondering when things changed so much that Jackson could sleep with her & then just not acknowledge it. Then it hit her. Like a lightening bolt of clarity. The only reason why he had never treated sex with her lightly was because he had feelings for her. Even after the first time, there was something there. But that wasn't the case for him anymore & she cursed herself for not realising it sooner. Of course he didn't have feelings for her anymore. He had divorced her. Him insisting they stay together even when it was not necessary was just because he was being a considerate coparent & wanting to stay near Harriet more. Montana was… an outlier. Just pent up energy from the thrill of a groundbreaking surgery mixed with some lingering attraction without any underlying meaning.

That realisation had hurt at the beginning but she made her peace with it now. Her & Jackson together was always a mystery. Too good to be true. She knew what others thought when they saw them together. That's not to say that he didn't love her. April knew that he had. Truly loved her at a point but even so, maybe a part of him also knew that she wasn't it for him. Maybe that was why it was always so easy for him to move on from her, leaving her behind. And while April thought him to be the love of her life, she probably didn't hold the same position in his. Realising this made her confident that moving out of his house and his life is what's best for her.

Of course he'd always be Harriet's father & maybe with some space & distance, they could even be friendly again. Not any time soon though but all these realisations gave her peace, if not happiness. She wished him the best & she wasn't that for him so it's time to move forward.

Jackson watched as April put Harriet down & kissed her forehead. She had become less cold since their last conversation but it was nowhere near the April he knew or was used to. He was still met with formal nods & monosyllabic answers but there was nothing he could do about it. He'd had a lump in his throat for a week now and watching her become less stoic should have made him feel better. That maybe they were on the track to regain some of their old normalcy but it somehow was making him feel more uneasy. The fact that she reached there without any discussion means that she probably drew her own conclusions and given what their last few interactions had been like, he wasn't sure if those conclusions were good or even right.

He should say something. Shake something out of her, force her to tell him what she's thinking but he couldn't. He had his chance & he squandered it. The night she brought up Montana was when he should have told it all to her. How much that night meant to him, how much she meant to him, what her being there helped him accomplish, how much better she deserved than being jumped by her ex who couldn't figure out what he wants. How sorry he was that he couldn't give her what she needed & deserved. All of it. But he sat there, dumbfounded & let one of the most important people in his life slip away. He couldn't even begin to imagine where her head must be after that night and now she was leaving. She's leaving. Again. It's not the first time she left him behind but it would be the first time he didn't ask her to stay because he had no right anymore. He wasn't her husband or her best friend. He was just her daughter's father, he remembered & swallowed roughly.

April collected her purse & moved towards the door as Jackson followed her. She had already loaded her bags into the car so now it was just about getting out of the door. Taking in a deep breath, she turned around to face him & reached out to softly hold his hand.

"Thank you for letting me stay here.", she said, softly with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She squeezed his hand but before she could let go, he held on & pulled her in to a hug, hoping she wouldn't push him away, no matter how much she'd have the right to.

Jackson buried his face in her neck & held on tight but she could only lightly place her hand on his waist, blinking back tears. You're doing the right thing, he knows it too.

"Thank you for staying.", he mumbled before stepping back, tears stinging his eyes. They held eye contact for a few moments until she turned to leave.

"April?"

She turned back around.

"I..", he started, I love you. I always will. I'm sorry. "Let me know when you get there?"

She nodded, turned & left his house without looking back & Jackson felt a part of his heart splinter & leave with her. He squeezed his eyes shut & the tears finally flowed.

Jackson gulped down another glass of scotch as he looked over the apartments listings. He couldn't stay in this house anymore, not after everything. Not after her. He needed a fresh start just as much as she did so - new place. Maybe an apartment again.

He kept going back & forth on whether he did the right thing. If he should've stopped her, apologised, something? But.. to what end? They couldn't be together, he couldn't do that. He wasn't sure if he would ever get over everything that happened between them. No matter how hard it was to shut his feelings down, if it wouldn't amount to anything, what would any of it accomplish? Maybe she'd know he didn't want to hurt her? That he wasn't indifferent to her pain? Maybe knowing that all of it was hard for him too didn't make her feel so alone?

He stopped his train of thought - that wasn't his place or responsibility anymore. They needed this - a clean break from each other. One they never had. For Harriet's sake. Only then could they truly move forward. Their connection was too strong for objectivity when they were in each other's immediate vicinity. Things always got messy because the connection was magnetic. And then it became hard. Without fail. Maybe the space will give them clarity, even if it means things being awkward for a while. And if.. even after all the space & break, they still can't shake each other? Still felt drawn together? Maybe that could mean someth-

He was pulled out of his thoughts as his phone vibrated & he saw a text with a silly forward from Maggie & smiled, shaking his head softly & going to bed, leaving this day behind.

Sorry :|

Pls review anyway.