Chapter Fifty-six – 'Ants marching'
"Tell them to park on the side of the road and walk up here." Reverend Lovejoy waved at the people helping direct traffic. The gate to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant was closed and locked. The angry mob wanted to confront Burns in person, but their path was blocked.
"Open this here gate or face the wrath of my pointy stick!" Cletus yelled as he waved a flaming sharp handle of a rake which was missing the rake part. "Ow, ow. The fire burned my hand. Take this!" He chucked it over the gate, and it landed flatly in the parking lot.
A man exited the guardhouse more annoyed he had to pick up the flaming stick. "You crazy kids won't leave this place alone."
"Actually..." Lovejoy started. "We are here to talk to Mr. Burns and..." It sounded ridiculous to say, but this was the reality now. Burns and Professor Frink had created an alternate universe for a Monopoly game and a way to send the citizens of Springfield inside to play and assist with the gameplay. "...enter his magical game."
The security guard had zero clue what his was talking about. "Huh? Am I missing something?" He still made no indication he would open the gate for them. "Do you have clearance to be on the property?"
Lovejoy looked around for anyone who worked here, but didn't see Homer, Lenny, Carl, or even Smithers in the crowd. "Anyone work here who can get us in?" He waited for a response, which never came. "No one?" A few people shrugged during the silence. Everyone who knew the layout of the power plant had already been sent to talk to Burns, and was currently missing.
"If no one has clearance and a need to be in here, I can't let you in. New orders from the man in charge." The security guard informed.
Lovejoy had questions which needed to be answered. "Man in charge? I thought Burns was in charge? New orders? As acting Mayor of Springfield, I insist you let me in to talk to Burns..." His demand fell on deaf ears. "This is an order for you to open the gate."
"You can't talk to Burns actually." The security guard stated. "I haven't seen him since last night. Normally, he stands on the balcony every morning and waves at the minions as they come through the gate, but today that didn't happen."
"What happened today? What was different?" Lovejoy asked, since the security guard provided no answers.
"Mr. Burns normally stands on the balcony, however, no one came outside. Only a voice..." The security guard tried hard to remember the exact speech. "I didn't recognize the voice, but it said: I have allowed seven more people into the game. Burns, a nuclear plant worker and his wife, a news reporter and his cameraman, the mayor, and the police chief."
"That's a problem." Lunchlady Doris stated. "We need the mayor, the news reporter, and the police chief to run to town."
Lovejoy was offended at her remark. "I am the mayor and have been given the title under full confidence I can get the town through this event." He did his best to lead everyone during this stressful time, but the worst was not over.
A line of citizens carrying pitchforks approached the gate. The buzz of a chainsaw started, along with a welding torch. "We will get through that gate. On the count of three... one... two..."
"Stop!" A voice boomed through an external speaker. "Do not crash that gate. You won't make it through there anyway. Plus it's electrified." It was definitely a man's voice, but sounded similar to twenty other people. "I'm running the game, and I'm running the town of Springfield..."
"Everyone stop saying that. I have been appointed mayor of Springfield during this state of emergency and will remain so until canceled. Anyways..." The Reverend normally led on Sundays, and had trouble convincing the citizens otherwise. "I would like a word with you, mystery man. First, let's start by identifying yourself."
A deep evil laugh radiated through the speakers. "I will identify myself when I am ready to." Lovejoy saw a shadow through the closed balcony curtain waving at him in a mocking manner. "You see me Lovejoy, but do not know who I am. All in due time, my friend."
"Can I get the names of all the Springfield residents currently in the game? It's for informational purposes, and so we know how many people we need to rescue." Principal Skinner tried to reason with the mysterious voice.
"Don't give away our plan, Skinner." Lovejoy cautioned him. "As mayor of Springfield, I demand a meeting to discuss the safe rescue of the citizens of Springfield..."
The air was silent as the buzz of the speaker system was turned off. Was there a conversation happening behind the scenes, or was this voice telling the truth of being the only one inside Burns' Power Plant.
Everyone waited for a response, and Lovejoy was getting nervous the conversation was over. It was time to act.
"I am the mayor... just thinking out loud." Reverend Lovejoy started. "We need a new police chief. Is there anyone trained as police, fire, paramedic, or first responder."
"Nobody remembers Lou." A dejected tone came from Springfield's number two police officer. The assistant to Police Chief Wiggum stood among the crowd, easily recognizable by most, since he had the famous blue uniform on with the City of Springfield crest on the left shoulder. "I'm here."
It took Reverend a quick second to realize the city's police force was more than the familiar Clancy Wiggum. "Perfect!" This was easy to find Wiggum's replacement. "Step forward. By the temporary power given to me by Executive Order Two, I hereby promote Lou, no known last name, to Springfield Police Chief until the return of Clancy Wiggum. Congratulations."
"Thank you. I shall perform my duties to the best..." Lou had nothing spectacular to say, so whatever came out was his acceptance speech. "I'm just going to keep order among..."
"I'll make you a deal Lovejoy." The mysterious voice returned. "Come back later tonight, and I'll have a list of all the people we... I mean Burns put... let into the game..." The wording was suspicious as it changed a few times to cover up the real story.
The newly-appointed mayor looked at the newly-appointed police chief and whispered a plan. There was a universe neither of them knew anything about, which was the next issue.
"Since no one acknowledged my deal, I want to add to it." Lovejoy had an opportunity, but didn't take it, so the international man of mystery behind the balcony curtain made more demands. "As you all know, seven people were originally sent into the game, then seven more including Burns, so now I'm proposing seven more enter."
"Who will the seven be?" Skinner jumped in as the town's secretary. "Give me a second to grab my notepad." He found it in his shirt pocket, along with a pen. "You may continue."
"I may continue? I'm the one making the deal." A shadowy arm with a clenched fist waved down on the town's people. "The finality of the deal is this: Lovejoy, choose five other people to come back with you this evening, and we shall enter the game. If you fail to show up, if you bring less than five willing participants, or if you are late, I will cancel the deal and enter the game myself."
This deal carried some weight, but as the figurehead of the town, the decision rested on Lovejoy's shoulders. Many thoughts filled his head, as this may be the last chance to safely enter the game without having an absolute plan.
"Deal." The Reverend raised his arm in lieu of a handshake. "Let me have the day to figure out who will join me... and apparently you." A flaming pitchfork zoomed by his head and was burned to ashes when it hit the electric fence. "Can you guarantee our safety into and in the game?"
"There are no guarantees when traveling into the unknown. Be prepared for anything." The speaker clicked off and the shadowy man disappeared.
"Lou!" The mayor yelled for his police chief.
Lou rolled his eyes as he seemed to blend in despite not having the size or shadow of Wiggum hovering over him. "Right here, chief... mayor."
"Right. I want to gather the townspeople and march down to City Hall to discuss our primary plan, and our backup plan, and our secondary plan. We need to be prepared, since only those who have sacrificed themselves to Burns and the unknown truly know what we face. Lou..."
"Here again chief." Lou tapped him on the shoulder. "Next time I get back to the station, I'm grabbing one of those fluorescent yellow traffic vests."
"Good idea." The mayor had the start of a plan. "Lou, lead the people back to City Hall and assist everyone in parking. Let's make this a parade to gather the support of every citizen."
And so Lou did from his police car with the red and blue flashing lights. Reverend Lovejoy waited until all other cars had left from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant gate to ensure no more shenanigans and not to upset the shadowy figure.
The parade stretched several city blocks once it reached the downtown area. Cletus honked the horn of his run-down pickup truck. Bumblebee Man followed suit, and so did Selma and Patty, despite working for the Department of Motor Vehicles. They essentially broke every traffic law while expecting others to obey them. Red lights, seatbelts, and speeding did not exist.
"Drive faster!" Selma yelled out the window at the car in front of her. "The light was yellow, why would you tap your brakes?"
The older sedan in their way was Seymour Skinner, who was not in a rush to arrive at City Hall. "Come one, come all." He tried to persuade any stragglers walking around the city who didn't know of the meeting.
The black car with completely tinted windows behind Patty and Selma, made a quick turn down an alley. Fat Tony couldn't be seen with the others, and needed a few minutes to gather some associates and supplies before reporting to City Hall. With Wiggum missing-in-action, now was the time to run the city.
"Park behind City Hall, there is plenty of parking." Lou announced through a bullhorn kept inside the police car. "Keep it moving, ignore the stop signs and file in."
"Good job, Lou." Lovejoy said as he passed. Somehow everyone knew to go to the largest room where all the city council meetings were held. The members of the City Council: Selma Bouvier, Seymour Skinner, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Fat Tony, Dr. Julius Hibbert, and Cookie Kwan, were seated when Mayor Lovejoy and Police Chief Lou entered the room.
The meeting commenced when Lovejoy took his seat center-stage. "Roll call is complete." Skinner the council secretary stated. "We have one open seat currently and a newly-appointed mayor and police chief."
"Citizens of Springfield, I want to have this emergency meeting as there is a deal from whoever is running the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and also Burns' game." Mayor Reverend Lovejoy declared.
He repeated the conversation from earlier, so it all became official public record. There wasn't anything new to add and frankly, some of the citizens were becoming bored with the story looping around and around.
Snoring came from the peanut gallery as a sign for the Mayor to speed up his speech. "...and that's why we're gathered here today."
"Can I start?" Council member Fat Tony tapped on his microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to volunteer myself to enter the game, as I have experience in stealth, silent operations, and shall we say, neutralization. I don't trust whoever we are dealing with, and I'm prepared in many ways to deal... with the situation. Thank you."
"I would also like to volunteer as the best administrator and secretary forty-one thousand a year this city can pay." Skinner got his dig in, but he didn't want to miss the action. "I've sat at my desk for many years wondering if that was the highlight of my life, but approximately twelve minutes ago when a car horn sounded, I told myself... this is life."
"Thank you for that." Lovejoy was annoyed at Skinner and once tried to vote him off the council. "I need three more volunteers..."
"Me! Yeehaw!" A man stood up and introduced himself as Rich Texan. "I think anything involving risk and adventure is right up my alley. That's how I made my fortune. Risk and reward. Yeehaw!"
The council decided to continue this meeting behind closed doors to finalize a plan without interruption from the general public. "I think our best plan is to adjoin the public meeting and convene a special meeting for no longer than thirty minutes. Everyone wait here and we will return."
The mayor stood up, and the other members of the council followed him into another room with a table and nine chairs. Fat Tony was used to back room deals, so he took charge and led the special meeting.
"This is our opportunity to choose who we trust to send in and who should remain behind in Springfield." Fat Tony had a hidden agenda and wanted to satisfy both plans he had. "The man in the power plant and Lovejoy are required personnel. Myself and Skinner volunteered, so who wants to go..."
Selma slowly raised her hand in agreement. "My days of stamping registrations and administering eye tests are over. I'm going." She slammed her fist on the table, then apologized. "That was a bit much, but anything will be better than the misery of..."
"That's five, we need two more." Fat Tony looked at Apu, Dr. Hibbert, and Cookie Kwan. "Sorry Lou. I need you to stay back as the last remaining member of the Springfield Police Force, and besides, I have some special tasking for you." He winked, which made it more awkward and suspicious. "Pardon my reasons, but the city will need a police presence we can trust."
Lovejoy and a few of the others weren't convinced. Fat Tony was part of the underground goods distribution of Springfield and its neighboring towns. "I... got you." Lou stammered.
"I really need to stay here and watch my properties on the West Side." Cookie Kwan insisted. "Count me out."
"I also would like to stay here and manage the Kwik-E-Mart." Apu bubbled. "Also, I can help Lou with any... nevermind."
Fat Tony nodded and Apu got his message. The gears were turning as the plan was coming together. "Cookie, you are in. Apu, you are out. Which leaves Hibbert going, and there is the seven. Let's return to the meeting and inform the public." Fat Tony was quick to think and faster to act. This fit his agenda, as Apu had helped him before with some less than desirable dealings and kept his mouth shut afterward.
"Who is in charge here? Me or you?" Lovejoy asked Fat Tony. "I have the final decision on choices we have made..."
"And I think the choices we have made here are the best in this situation." Fat Tony spoke in a tone which was very persuasive. "Which leaves the only council member staying back, assuming the role of active mayor. Congrats."
This is how Fat Tony ran the city within the city. Twenty-five minutes remained before the special meeting was required to be adjoined, and the mayor, the police chief, and the council members sat in silence for almost half that time. As time ticked away on the ancient grandfather clock, Fat Tony finalized the plan he wanted.
"When we enter the game, let's use our strengths to our advantage. We all know Burns is manipulative and evil, so let's beat him at his own game. We have a healer, or two, a real estate mogul, a note taker, and me with extra supplies." Fat Tony was the real ruler of Springfield, others just didn't see it. "Back to the real meeting."
Fat Tony led them out of the room, and into the idle chatter of a surprised public. He sat in the center seat, which was reserved for the mayor, but Lovejoy allowed it, so he could present his plan.
"Greetings to all attendees. It has been decided that the next six to enter the game, along with the mystery man, are all sitting up here. Lou, our newest police chief, and Apu will stay back to keep an eye on Springfield, while the rest of us will commence the Great Rescue plan." If Joe Quimby didn't have the popularity and Fat Tony didn't have the negative association of being connected to the mob, supposedly, the real mayor of Springfield could be different.
"But I really wanted to..." Rich Texan stood up.
"Me too... hey ma, I didn't get picked." Cletus stood up too.
Most of the citizens stood up, as no one thought it was fair to support a system which didn't accept the input of anyone except the elected officials or those appointed by the elected officials.
"Order, please." Fat Tony calmly said. "This is the plan for now. We will enter the game, and besides, there is already a secondary plan in place which Apu will share."
Apu wasn't informed of any plan, and made it up as he spoke. "After these seven enter... there should be no one in charge of the power plant... so we can break in and send as many as we want... so Cletus and Rich Texan, you can be the first ones on the list."
"Yeehaw!" Rich Texan shouted. "I'll go get prepared." He left the meeting for no reason as there were hours remaining until Reverend Lovejoy, Fat Tony, Skinner, Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Cookie Kwan, and the man behind the curtain would enter the game.
"Let us pray." The Mayor Reverend Lovejoy led everyone in a prayer of protection. "Amen and meeting adjoined. I will see everyone later at the power plant. Please leave your flaming pitchforks at home this time."