Chapter Fifty-seven – 'Gamechanger'
"Brunch time!" The sweet country voice said through the motel room door. "I have chicken tenders with waffles covered in maple syrup and a Monte Cristo sandwich."
Moe was barely awake to comprehend the food choices just given to him. The soft bed had absorbed him and his sleep mate, but one of them had to get up before daybreak to tend to the motel guests.
"Don't make me get out my master key and open this door." Lurleen continued while Moe decided what his next move was. Lurleen had stayed the night. In his room. In the bed... but somehow left without waking Moe. "I have biscuits and gravy... for two..."
"What didn't you start with that?" Moe answered as he sprung forth from the bed. Was it the biscuits and gravy part which energized him, or the breakfast for two? "One second."
He dashed across the room and took a quick swig of the complementary mouthwash and spit it into the sink. Moe opened the door just as Lurleen had reached for her master key. "I've waited all morning for you to wake up and was about to give up."
"This game is tiring as it seems I am always going somewhere and searching for these statues..." He opened the wooden closet door to reveal... "Hey dumpling, did you move the statue? It's gone."
"One, don't call me dumpling. Secondly, that thing is too heavy to move by myself, and lastly, no way I could move that while you were sleeping in here... even though any noise I made would have been covered up by your snoring."
One good joke deserved another. "Sorry." Moe said under his breath, apologizing for everything. "How about we split the biscuits and gravy before I have to leave."
"Eat fast." Lurleen reminded him. "Check out time was two hours ago, but I extended it for you, since you were so tired. You feel asleep quick."
Moe reminisced having Lurleen next to him, but didn't remember much of their encounter. "You fell asleep quickly, too." He took a bite of his biscuit covered in gravy and a chunk of sausage fell on the bed leaving a stain. "Oops." He picked it up, knowing the sheets were clean and the five-second rule didn't bother him.
"Housekeeping will take care of that, and speaking of..." Lurleen had heard the squeaky wheels of the cart coming down the hall just before a knock interrupted their moment. "Time to finish this meal in the lobby as I check you out... I mean, close out your visit."
Lurleen pushed the food cart into the hallway, as a good meal is a terrible thing to waste. The old lady with the housekeeping cart entered the room and frowned when she saw the stain Moe had just made. "And this why we have plates."
"Sorry." Moe quietly apologized again and began to exit the room.
"Don't forget your MyPad on the nightstand." Lurleen reminded him. "And all of your receipts."
He may have forgotten them had she not said anything. What would housekeeping do with his MyPad besides turn it into lost and found? The game can't continue until he took his turn, so the alternative would be him stuck here with the gorgeous Lurleen for all eternity. Not a bad way to spend forever trapped inside a game.
"I'll meet you at the front desk." She called since Moe was taking longer than she anticipated.
Moe followed her sweet voice to the front and set the MyPad on the counter. "I really enjoyed our night together, maybe..." He was about to shoot his shot. "...if I could get your number, I'll let you know when I'm back in town."
"Let's just see what happens and whether you make it back here." Lurleen gently let him down. "Besides, you own this motel, and I am no longer the mayor. I'm just a simple employee, if you want to keep me."
The answer was easy. "Of course I will." Moe stated. "You already work here, and I know from experience, good employees are hard to find and harder to keep."
The MyPad started flashing to alert Moe to take his turn. "I guess this is goodbye for now." Lurleen noticed the MyPad as well. "Checkout is complete."
"What do I owe you for the night?" Moe was willing to pay any amount for companionship and thought he had found it with the blonde motel hostess. "I think I have some cash here somewhere..."
His pockets were empty except for the receipts and title deeds he had collected along the way. Frustratedly, he piled them on the countertop, but before he could move his hand to continue to search his pockets, Lurleen placed her hand on top of his to calm him down.
"Your money is no good here since you own the place now, just make sure you stop back and visit once in a while." Her country voice hated to say farewell, but it was time. Moe pressed the Roll icon and the familiar booms echoed across the morning sky.
They stared at the nine displayed on the screen, knowing it was time to leave. "I guess I'll see you around." An awkward silence filled the room as Moe didn't know exactly what to say. "I don't know when... if I'll be back. The top hat has a mind of its own."
"Top hat?" She had no clue what he was talking about. "I thought you drove a fancy car, or even arriving here on a horse would be acceptable, but a top hat?"
"It gets me from place to place." Moe shrugged as he climbed inside the top hat, and it slowly pulled away from the front door of the motel located off the interstate.
"Wait!" Lurleen yelled, and the top hat jerked to a stop. "Take this to remember me." She untied the red bandanna from around her neck and tied it around Moe's right arm. "You come back now, ya hear?"
And with those words, the top hat resumed its journey through the parking lot and onto the highway. Lurleen disappeared into the distance, along with the Ye Olde Offramp Inn.
The interstate was busier than normal during lunchtime. Traffic was ridiculous and eventually turned into a standstill. "Just great." Moe sighed. "I'll never get anywhere. Let's... move..."
He was getting annoyed and starting smacking the brim of the top hat, but nothing happened. Traffic turned into a parking lot. The game could not continue until Moe finished his turn, however, none of the other players had a clue about the delay.
"This isn't what I signed for." Which was a true statement, since none of the citizens of Springfield technically signed up to play Burns' game. Their names were randomly selected from the lottery balls, including Lurleen. A moment of brilliance overcame him. "Damn it, Burns."
Her name was picked, but she wasn't present at that time because she was already in the game. Was it a mistake by Burns or something else...
"I have to win now." He raised his fist to shake it in rage at Burns and the traffic, but as ill-timed as it was, he regretted it soon after. A motorcycle was lane splitting and weaving among all the stopped traffic. The speed at which it passed Moe, was enough to generate a wind strong enough to blow the red bandanna off his arm. "No...!" But it was too late. "You come back here, you..."
The words didn't flow off his tongue, and even if they had, it wouldn't have been suitable for any children riding in these cars. The bandanna fluttered and flew through the air and landed on the antenna of a classic station wagon. Moe thought about getting up and out of the silver token, but traffic started to move.
The top hat followed a line of cars for a quarter mile, with the bandanna in sight the entire time. Just when he thought the top hat would get close enough, it veered one lane to the left and exited the highway. Moe could only watch as the station wagon stayed on and disappeared as well.
"Why does everything in my life keep disappearing?" Moe shook his head as the traffic thinned and most cars and trucks found their respective exits. Eventually, he was the only object on the road, which may changing lanes easy.
To his right was a large pink building, the size of a medieval castle. The gigantic letters on the side of the building read: Arcade. There was one front door and no windows. It seemed like an out-of-place piece on the landscape, but it was his destination.
The silver top hat changed lanes a few times and proceeded down the next off-ramp. This is passed the large pink building, but a quick right turn took him back towards this place. The sound of engines revving filled the air as the top hat pulled in near the front door.
"You have arrived at a Special space." The MyPad announced and displayed the nine spaces Moe had taken to get here. There was no For Sale sign or anything else telling Moe what to do or where to go, but it seemed obvious he should go inside and see what's here, and so he did.
"I'm here." He declared upon opening the front door and was surprised at the lights, sounds, and cheers from inside the building. "This... this is where I want to be..." He looked around for any clue where the stone statue could be located, but there was too much happening. Too many people and machines in the way to see more than a few feet in front of him, except for the maze of platforms and wires above him.
But there was no need to think for himself, as a grandiose voice greeted him. "Welcome to the greatest show on Earth! I am Mel, the mayor of this establishment and your leader for fun." The teal-haired guy ran towards Moe and vigorously shook his hand. "I can tell you are here for a purpose by that electronic gadget you carry."
"Oh, you mean this thing." Moe shook the MyPad, but it did nothing. "It doesn't do much. I press roll, I press Buy, and that's it."
"I assure you it does so much more, you just have to know how to awaken its secrets." Mel raised his arms and his voice, but Moe still didn't show any emotion. "To be the best at this game, you have to beat the best. As Mayor of this playground, I'll tell you what..." He scratched the bone stuck in his teal hair as he thought of a plan. "If you can beat my time on the elevated ropes course..."
The anticipation and excitement were shorted lived as the scream of a little girl radiated throughout the building. Moe and Mel looked upward to see her dangling from a rope bridge by her ankle.
"And that is why I make all the children wear harnesses. The adults on the other hand are free to choose, but none do because we don't have any safety gear in adult sizes." At least Mel was telling the truth, however bad it was. "Can I show you to the entrance of the course?"
"That's gonna be a no from me, dog." Moe shook his head as he laughed at his own joke and tried to grab the dog bone stuck in Mel's hair.
"Please don't touch..." He was annoyed by the gesture. "This is part of my style and my persona. This permanently attached bone makes the main attraction here, and not just a sideshow. Anyways..." He stretched his arms up again. "Let's try a different game of skill to determine your winnings from this space. How about...?"
They looked around the room and Moe didn't see any games he would excel at. Video games were too modern for his taste. Go karts were a bit too fast and wild, since he didn't drive anywhere fast. The only choice left was...
"The Batting Cages!" Mel pointed to the nets and the sounds of baseballs being struck. "I've been working on a new challenge, and you can be the first one to try it. The better you go, the more I'll reward you."
"I'm ready." Moe tried to hype himself up. "I've always wanted to test out my baseball bat skills, but sadly, the drunks leave my bar before I can grab Old Reliable. What I would do..."
"How about we save it for the cage. Follow me and we will grab you a helmet." Mel led the way through the air hockey tables and the rapid fire basketball machines. "On your left is the latest in arcade entertainment: Virtual Reality Alien Shooter. First game is on me if you want to partake."
Moe was intrigued as four teens had blacked-out googles on and each wielded a different color fluorescent shotgun. Pink, orange, green, and blue. The girl with the pink shotgun quickly turned in Moe's direction and pulled the trigger. He grabbed the shotgun as if a bar patron had pointed it at him.
The girl removed her googles. "Hey Mister, watch what you're doing."
"Sorry." Moe apologized and continued to follow Mel.
"And here we are. Here's a helmet and a standard wooden bat. Good luck." Mel handed the gear to Moe and proceeded to lock him in the first batting cage. "Remember the rules. Twenty pitches of varying speeds and spins. Just make contact."
Easy said than done. "Just make contact." Moe muttered to himself. "Close your eyes and swing."
Of course, Mel wasn't going to make this easy. In fact, it was a method of intimidation to make the first pitch a one hundred mile per hour fastball straight across the plate. Moe took an epic swing and wasn't even close. The second pitch was psychological warfare at its finest. If the first one was the fastest fastball, the second one was a sixty mile per hour change-up, which Moe swung too early.
"Come on." He hit his helmet with the bat as motivation. "Just make contact. Just like Little League. Just like a bar hooligan."
The third pitch came at a reasonable speed... but it dropped straight down when it reached the plate. Moe had taken a mighty swing and completely missed. The next few pitches were all over the plate, including a sidearm cutter which had four feet of movement on it.
"This is impossible." Moe complained. "I'm just going to stand here until the pitching machine runs out of balls." And so he did, to Mel's dismay.
Several pitches flew in crazy arcs at various speeds, and Moe kept the bat on his shoulder. "Swing the bat!" Mel shouted at Moe. "Standing there does nothing."
He took a great swing and missed a slow knuckleball. "Missed another. I give up." The last pitches went by home plate as Moe took some half-hearted swings to show effort, but not a lot of it. "I'm done." The pitching machine turned off and Mel unlocked the door to release Moe. "I should have taken the loss without even trying. That was brutal. Your challenge was..."
"Perfect." Mel concluded. "Perfectly executed." Whatever he wanted to think, Moe and the rest of the onlookers disagreed. "Next Participant?" No one volunteered. "Nobody wants to challenge the perfect pitching machine?" Again, Mel was greeted with no responses. "Then my challenge remains undefeated. Maybe I need an incentive... oh, well. Follow me to the Prize Redemption Area."
Mel led Moe and the crowd back towards the center of the building. What possibly could be the prize for a perfect performance... a perfectly negative performance? "Absolutely pathetic." Moe muttered to himself. "Absolute loser."
"You did your best. Those pitches were impossible to hit." A random voice came from the crowd. All the voices then blended together to encourage Moe, but he was the one in the spotlight. Anyone in the crowd could say they could hit ever ball thrown, but Moe and his average baseball skills proved it was difficult.
"I would like to try again. Now I know what to expect, I'd like a second chance." Moe shouted over the crowd. It made sense to try again, as if the first time was a practice round, but Mel didn't want to entertain the idea.
Mel jumped onto the counter in the center of the room and raised his hands in a grand fashion. "Our guest Moe has completed my Batting Challenge with a score of..." He paused to add more anticipation, but the crowd had already witnessed Moe's failure. "Zero. Let that set the bar as low as humanly possible."
Several patrons groaned and went about their day. It was unimpressive to say the least. "Really, that was a practice round after twenty years of rust. Can I try again?" Moe asked again.
"Fine." Mel looked disgruntled. "Let's keep this game moving first." He stepped aside to reveal the stone statue behind the counter. "I suppose you know what to do from here. Anybody wanting to break the current high score of absolutely nothing, follow me." He shot Moe one final glance before leading a line of hopefuls back to the batting cage.
As in previous turns, Moe placed his MyPad into the waiting hands of the stone statue, and an orange hologram appeared. "Greetings and welcome to the third chance space. What number did you receive from your games of skill?"
"Zero." Moe replied. "I wasn't taking any chances with the elevated ropes course, none of the video games impressed me, so I took my childhood love of baseball to the batting cage and..."
"Struck out?" The hologram grinned to cover a smile. "I can tell you zero is never a good number in this game. Just wait until you have zero money remaining." It smiled one more time before disappearing.
"Lousy hologram." Moe said under his breath as two papers printed below its hands. He grabbed them along with the MyPad. The first one was a Chance Card: 'Pay poor performance tax of fifteen dollars'. "You have to be kidding me."
The second paper showed the fifteen dollar withdraw, leaving Moe with eight hundred sixty-one dollars. He crumbled the chance card and threw it at the girl still hanging from the ropes course. He missed, luckily, as her mother was agitated the girl was still flying high.
"I'll show you all what I can do. Not going to let a green-haired... bone stuck... performer make a fool out of me." He was determined. "One hit will be better than zero." It was time. "I still want another try!"
As he made his way back towards the batting cage, a crowd had formed around home plate as Mel was hitting every ball pitched. The pitching machine threw one straight down the middle and Mel connected with such force it shook the building from the outside as the typical loud booms coincided with his swing.
"I want another chance." Moe called to Mel.
"Double or nothing?" Mel countered.
"Sure. I've got time." Moe was excited to enter the arena again. "Bring it on. Anything will be better than zero." Mel tossed him a helmet as they traded places.
Mel walked behind the pitching machine. "My game, my rules. Here comes level two."
The very first pitch Moe hit a fastball directly at the pitching machine, hitting the protective fence in front of it. "Play ball." He winked at Mel before hitting a curveball directly at Mel.