Chapter 6:

5:00 PM

"And you're sure that you're feeling up to this?" Shepard asked as he finished putting out the last of the snacks for the kitchen area. "I don't want you pushing yourself too hard right after a cold."

"Yes. Dr. Chakwas said that I had adapted to the immunotherapy treatments better than she had first thought. I should be able to ditch the suit within a couple of months!" Tali said giddily as she got herself a drink from the fridge. Quarian Chaym wine. A triple-filtered luxury only made on the live ships. Auntie Raan had gifted it to her for her last birthday, and Tali had been saving it for a special occasion. The purple-clad Quarian gently punched her emergency induction port through the bottle's seal and took a small sip. Considering that she was going to be the only Quarian at the party, she really didn't see the point of going through the hassle of transferring the bottle's contents to one of the vacuum-sealed cups that her kind typically relied upon. Tali also didn't want to worry Shepard by just drinking from a regular cup open to the room's air, so straight from the bottle it was.

"I thought that the immunotherapy took a year at the least to get through," Shepard said as he walked over to the kitchen counter where she was leaning.

"Usually, yeah. But I'm not exactly a normal case." Over the course of her time aboard the Normandy, Tali had experienced an innumerable amount of suit breaches. Even when compared to the oldest, most battle-worn Quarian marines, Tali had been exposed to more of the outside galaxy's contaminants during her year and a half aboard the Normandy than even the oldest of her kind's veterans. Thanks to the expert care of Dr. Chakwas and the well-equipped medical bays she worked in, the only time Tali had gotten seriously ill was after the battle to retake Earth, and even that had only lasted a little under a week. Undoubtedly, it was thanks to these past injuries that her immune system had been strengthened to this level. As well as something else…

"Besides, a little helmet breach isn't anywhere near as dirty as what you do to me when I'm out of my suit." Tali teased as she took a sip through her drink's emergency induction port before continuing. "Especially considering how often you get me out of my suit."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a dirty boy," Shepard said, sauntering up to her, treating his cane more like an accessory rather than a crutch. "I'm a very, very dirty, lustful boy."

Her boyfriend leaned down and gently kissed the front of her new visor. Meanwhile, his free hand trailed up her thigh to-

"Oh no, you don't! I don't want our friends coming in to see us dirtying the place up!" Tali giggled playfully, slapping away his hand. Afterward, she leaned over to whisper in her lover's ear. "Save all that energy for after the party."

6:00 PM

Tali had been doing a reasonably good job of pacing herself.

Hic

So she didn't know why she was hiccupping so much.

Hic

She was currently sitting on the kitchen counter chatting with Garrus, Liara, Samara, and Traynor when Shepard came over to join them. "Everyone enjoying the party?"

"Yeah. It's a nice change of pace from getting shot at all the time," Garrus replied before opening the fridge to fetch himself another beer. He cracked open the cap with nothing but his unloved talons.

"I will admit it is… nice to have some downtime after such a vicious war," Samara added thoughtfully.

"What's nice was all the downtime we had yesterday. After putting that whole clone business to rest, I was able to just go home and sleep for the entire day." Liara moaned softly before leaning her head to the left. Everyone present except Samara winced as they heard a series of very loud pops from the Asari maiden's gilled neck. "Next up on the agenda is a massage. My neck is killing me."

"You know, Liara HIC, it's because of how much time you spend bent over your HIC Shadow Broker super computer. You need to HIC take a break stretch with me sometime." Tali said between hiccups as she stretched her arms above her head, wine bottle sloshing in her hand.

"From what I've been hearing, Traynor here has been doing a great job helping Liara loosen up," Garrus said, mandibles crooked in a Turian grin as he took a swig of his drink.

"H-h-hey! You don't know what you're talking about!" Traynor stammered out. Her dark skin had flushed a vibrant shade of red, while Liara just laughed.

"It was bound to come out at some point, Samantha. The Normandy isn't that big of a ship, and my room is right next to the mess haul." Liara said before taking a sip of wine from her own glass.

"Well, I'm happy for you two. It's a new galaxy out there now that the Reapers are gone. We can finally start living for ourselves." Shepard commented.

"I'll start living again when I get a new toothbrush," Traynor said, fixing Tali with an icy glare. "Which I'm still waiting on."

"Tali, what's she talking about?" Shepard asked, frowning. Even with her Omnitool reminder, she had forgotten to tell Shepard about her little accident and the need for a replacement Cision Mark IV.

"I sat on it with my fat ass!" Tali stammered out before bursting into a fit of giggles. She toppled backward on the counter, clutching her Chaym wine to her chest. She was only kept from falling off by the countertop's raised overview. Her mirth was sadly interrupted by her boyfriend tearing the precious bottle of booze from her grasp. "HEY!"

"Let's get some food in you before you have any more."

6:30 pm

"Hey Tali, how's it going?" Jack asked, coming over to sit next to Tali. The Quarian was sprawled out on one of the upstairs couches with her birthday bottle in her lap and a couple of snack trays that were now half empty next to her.

"Never better…" Tali trailed off as she deposited another piece of cheese into her helmet's port hole. She had talked Shepard out of taking away her bottle on the condition that she eat something.

"I came up here 'cause I heard that you were running a detox scan on that cheese… You aren't gonna have a chiralic reaction and die, right?" Jack asked hesitantly. Clearly, the biotic's new protective instincts for her students also extended towards her former crewmates as well.

"It's safe for me to eat," Tali replied. It had been quite worrying at first and Shepard had even gone to call Dr. CHakwas on what to do. She should probably message him that she was good. Tali paused after typing up the text and pressing send. She had a good buzz going on, and now that Jack was here, she finally had the courage to ask a question she had been waiting to bring up for a long time to bring up. "Can you give me a tattoo?"

8:00 pm

"WOOOOHOOOOOOO-HICCUP!" Tali screamed as she pivoted and pirouetted on the impromptu dance floor in the kitchen. Two gunshots rang out in the apartment, but no one payed it any mind. Five minutes ago Wrex had screamed at the top of his lungs that the bar was 'NOW A SHOOTING RANGE' as he put it.

Unfortunately, Jack didn't have the tools on her for a real tattoo so she had resorted to a holographic tattoo that she had applied via her Omnitool. She couldn't wait to show Shepard later in the bedroom, but that was later. Now was the time for dancing.

Jack was doing an improvised pole dance on the dining room table, which possessed no such pole. Steve and Samantha were doing typical moves that Tali had seen humans do at popular clubs on the Citadel and Omega. Garrus was grooving next to Samara, who was doing what looked more like an Asari martial arts kata than a dance. Tali, being from a culture that prized dancing and any form of bodily expression, was performing the Far Rim Nebula, a dance that focused on footwork and body gyrations. The name may have sounded better in Quarian, but its hypnotic effects transcended language. Said effects were all that Tali had hoped for as after a few minutes of her rolling her hips, she finally managed to lure her boyfriend out onto the dance floor.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey babe." Tali said as her human hobbled onto the dance floor, "Are you hic here to join us?"

"I guess… I can't promise I'll be any good." Shepard said as he began to dance the infamous Shepard shuffle. Everyone around Tali averted their eyes and let out groans of agony at being exposed to what could only be described as heresy to the art of dancing. Tali herself just spun her way closer to her cringe-inducing boyfriend. Another gunshot rang out from the bar in the next room.

"Watch out, everyone! Captain on deck!"

"Has he always been like this? At least he's enthusiastic."

"It is… impressive."

"Shepard saved the galaxy you've got to forgive a few eccentricities." Tali slurred out in her boyfriend's defense before letting loose another hiccup.

"You know instead of building the crucible we should have filmed this and sent it to the Reapers. They would have either ran away, exploded, or fell in love." Garrus joked as he queued his visor to record.

"Well, Garrus," Tali stopped dancing and turned to face her dextro counterpart before letting loose a very serious hiccup. "You're doing the exact same dance as he-HIC is."

A gunshot punctuated Tali's statement as everyone within earshot except Samara let out an OOOOOOOOO-ing noise. The collective consensus of the crew party was that Tali had scored a point in this playground argument.

"Hey! When I do it I make it work." Garrus responded, letting Tali's comment roll off his carapace.

"I'll be working on posting your HIC browser history in the group chat if you don't turn off that camera."

9:00 pm

"No, the Normandy makes more of a VRRrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm", Tali paused to take a breath, "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-ing noise."

The Quarian was now standing in the middle of a circle of on-lookers as she recounted how the Normandy operated from an engineering standpoint via a physical demonstration with her own body. She had decided that this was a much safer option than continuing to dance, considering that even while standing still, the floor beneath her swayed. Of course that only added to the experience of 'being the Normandy' and flying though the solar winds space.

"And now HIC plug my bottle into my helmet. I'll show you how the Normandy HIC refuels."

10:00 PM

"And theN HICCUP Liiiiiaaarra wassss like 'HeLp I'm TTrAPped In a bUbBle.' ANd wE had to rescueooooo her frum teh booble."

"Tali that was hic not what I sounded like."

11:00 PM

Tali thought the tiles on the bathroom floor looked reeeeeaaaaaaalllllyyyy goooooooood. It was so nice to just sit down and-

HICCUP

What was she doing again?

Tali giggled to herself as she barely managed to stay propped up on one arm. The other was still clutching her now empty wine bottle. She heard the sound of footsteps approaching… at least she thought they were footsteps, and looked up to see-

"SHEPARD! My hubbys here to carry me off for the bedding ceremonyhehehhe!" Tali tittered in delight. Her hubby hadn't had anything to drink for the entire night! He was sooooo responsible, but she was gonna loosen him up the old-fashioned way.

"Uh Tali, are you alright?" Shepard asked in a concerned tone. He kneeled down as low as he could go with his cane and stiff left leg getting in the way.

"I'm gREAt HICCUP!" Tali said cocking her head to one side as she stared at her boyfriend like an over excited canine.

"Just how much have you had to drink?" Shepard asked. For some reason that Tali could not conceive there was even more worry in his voice than last time.

"Uuuuuhhhhh," Tali groaned in audible confusion as she lifted up her bottle to check how much was left in it. She giggled again when the hollow clinking glass reminded her that she had finished it. "Its empteeeeeeeehehhe"

"Oh boy."

"I feel like uh HIC my belly HIC feelsh like a waaaaaaterr balloooon!" Tali said as she poked her bloated stomach through her suit. The swollen organ made an audible sloshing noise as its owner played with it. Tali grinned at the sensation as her abdomen wobbled to and fro from the force of her prodding. It was actually kind of fun.

Until it wasn't.

Tali suddenly felt a wave of nausea come over her right before she let out a loud drunken baritone belch that even Wrex would have been unable to replicate. Afterward, she wrapped her arms around her body as her tummy began to gurgle in a very upset manner.

"Oooooohhhh that didn't feel so good." Tali said before burping again. While this one was not quite as violent as the last one it was accompanied by an ominous gurgling noise from the Quarian's poor belly. "Shepard, I think I over did it."

"That's the first thing you've said so far that makes sense," Shepard commented as he used his free hand to lightly pull Tali closer to the nearby sink so she could lean back against its associated cabinet. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

"I wanna go to bed HICCUP." Tali groaned after the violent hiccup. The near constant spasming of her diaphragm was starting to hurt. "I need to lay down."

Shepard let out a deep breath that she didn't know he had been holding. Afterward, he readjusted his grip on his cane and snaked his arm underneath her armpit. Gently, he lifted her to her feet. Tali's legs felt like jelly as Shepard helped her out of the bathroom. Most of their collective weight was being put on her boyfriend's cane as they made their way to the nearby stairs.

"Grab onto the railing. This next part may be a little rough," Shepard urged her gently. Tali absently waved her hand out to her side but couldn't for the life of her seem to get a firm grasp the railing. It was hard to make out how far away it was from her and when she actually had grabbed hold of it. Everything was spinning.

"Shepard… I think I'm gonna be sick." Tali groaned uncomfortably. Thankfully, she managed to keep her very alcoholic dinner down. While Shepard somehow managed to carry the both of them to the top of the stairs, Tali fought with her stomach to keep her proverbial reactor core from purging itself. She couldn't tell you how long it took for them to get to the top of the stairs or how her boyfriend had managed to do it. Everything was so fuzzy… It was hard to focus.

"Okay, here we are," Shepard said. Tali craned her neck up, and half squealed, half hiccuped when she saw the bed. Her tummy's previous troubles were forgotten for the moment despite the fact that they were not yet gone.

" HIICCEEEEHH Itsh SEXY timesh hhehheheehe." Tali squealed at a pitch that hurt even her own ears. Shepard led her over to the bed, and the drunk Quarian flopped down onto the mattress, her wine-filled belly sloshing with the impact. The barely coherent Quarian began to fumble with her suit's belts and clasps. "Itsh time for teh luuuuve nessst."

"No, Tali its time for bed," Shepard said gently as he climbed into bed next to her and used his omnitool to dim the lights. He gently grabbed her hands and moved them away from her suit's seals to keep her from taking it off when it would be very unlikely that she would be able to get it back on. Despite the fact that he used barely any force, Tali's intoxicated mind saw this as the start of something out of a wild porn skit she had seen between a human and an asari. Only this time, it was with her and Shepard.

"My caveman issshhhshsh gonna rav-HICCUP-asge me!" Tali screamed in glee at the top of her lungs. Her vocalizer's purple glow briefly illuminating the darkened room in a soft violet glow.

Then she finally passed out.

10:00 AM

"Keelah, I am going to be so sick." Tali groaned as she finally came to. The blood vessels in her head felt like a hammer slamming into her brain with every painful throb, and her stomach felt like a washing machine set to its most aggressive spin cycle as it roiled in her abdomen. She squeezed harder onto the body pillow she was lying against.

"Oof, Tali not so hard." The pillow said. It had Shepard's voice. Tali would have laughed at the absurdity of it had she not been so…. Uuuugggghhhh.

"Shhhhhhhhhh. It's quiet time. Oh, ancestors…. I don't remember my body pillow being so lumpy." Tali complained as she repeatedly adjusted the location of her head on her pillow in an attempt to find a comfy place to lay it and sleep off the rest of this hangover.

"Tali I'm not a body pillow… I didn't even know you owned a body pillow." The Shepard-sounding pillow said again… Wait no it WAS Shepard. Tali's eyes flew open as she looked at her boyfriend in the dim light of the room. The lights were on in the hallway outside, but the door was cracked, letting in only a little of light.

"Ugh what happened last night." Tali asked, burying her face into the crook of her boyfriend's neck as she tried to escape the small amount of light that was leaking in from the outside. Even that little illumination was too bright for her poor eyes right now. "Were you that rough with me?"

"What? Tali, no, we didn't have sex last night. You got hammered after you drank your Chaym bottle of wine, and I carried you to bed." Shepard explained. Thankfully, he was speaking at a relaxing volume for her, and by relaxing, she meant barely audible. Her boyfriend sure did know how to treat a hungover woman right.

"How much did I have?" Tali mumbled.

"All of it."

"Ohhhhh noooooooo." Tali groaned as the reality of what she had done just hit her. Shepard rubbed her back gently for a few minutes before untangling his limbs from her's as he got out of bed. "Hmmmm, where are you going?"

"To get you some aspirin, and to get dressed. Today's my discharge remember? We've got a couple hours before we're supposed to meet Admiral Hackett at docking bay D-24." Shepard said as he grabbed his cane from where it leaned against the nightstand and got to his feet.

"Shit." Tali cursed.