Ribayashi opens the door to the apartment.

"Morning, sleepyhead. It smells like old lady clothes in here."

"I'm old, and I wear pants."

"But you're no lady."

Ribayashi slips into his house slippers.

"Oh, so comfy."

Ribayashi walks toward the couch but falls down. He's too lazy to get up.

"Oh, sit on a stick."

"Did you get hurt? How about some ibuprofen?"

"Yeah, ibuprofen should do it."

Ribayashi flashes his nub.

"How's that, Kullen? Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know."

"You're telling me. But it's an improvement over the fartyg."

"Please, anything is an improvement over the fartyg."

Ribayashi giggles.

"Fartyg… It's a real thing on Ikea; look it up."

The old lady giggles.

"How is the Kullen coming along, though?"

She puts the top board onto the Kullen.

"Ta… Da."

As soon as she sits down, it falls apart. They both sit in silence.

"That's fantastic."

"Why are you in a bad mood today, Ryohei?"

"Let's recap. The cock thistle—"

"Language!"

"The main antagonist butt buddies slipped through my arms today… Arm. And that was my only chance to be normal again and stop that shit—"

"Ryohei!"

"Stop that from happening to anybody else. Yeah, so today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."

The old lady shakes her head.

"I'm going to go sit in the bathtub for a couple of hours."

"Have fun."

Ribayashi sighs, making his way to the bathroom.

"Now, Chiyo might not have deserved that. Oh! Yeah, the old blind lady is named Chiyo. She looks like Yoda but Japanese and zero Jedi abilities."

Ribayashi turns on the bathwater.

"Now speaking of appearances, how do I look? The beauty of reading about my exploits is that I can be anything your imagination wants me to be. A 600-pound tub of lard, or a 6'7 Jordan Barrett lookalike—the possibilities are endless, I say. Now, how would I personally describe myself? Imagine Ryan Gosling crossed with a topographical map of Utah and throw that mental image into a blender with Freddy Krueger's love child, and you've got me. Handsome on the inside, but on the outside… Let's just say I'm what happens when you microwave a chimichanga for too long."

Ribayashi is now in the tub with his bath cap on and a rubber ducky in hand.

"You were imagining me naked, weren't you? You dirty, dirty dog. But there is no better place to reflect than in the bathtub. Come pop a squat, and I'll tell you all about my origin story. And don't worry, I'll be there with you too—past and present me."

Ribayashi grabs a book next to the tub. It is the King James Bible with his vigilante mask painted onto the front.

"It was a dark night in Musutafu, and little 12-year-old me was having a family reunion at some government building. We had everyone over since my dad was officially retiring. From where, you ask? The JGSDF or Japan Ground Self-Defense Force. And not only that, he was in a 'Special' group within the JGSDF, which is the Japanese special forces. Talk about being fucked from the start. How was I ever going to compare to someone in the special forces? Not only that, he was trained by the Green Berets in some joint training they had going on in 2003—some real hardcore shit. In simple terms, Japan made my pops a super soldier. And my mom? Guess where she met my dad. The JGSDF. In my household, bedtime stories were tactical briefings, and family game night involved live grenades. Their version of quality time was hand-to-hand combat. Now, thinking about it, no wonder I turned out like this. Therapy is for the weak anyway. So my dad, a hardened special forces badass, decided to swap his camo for a suit and tie and dive into the political swamp. At first, it was like watching Rambo give a TED talk. But now he's out there kissing babies and shaking hands. The man could take down an insurgency squad by himself and charm a crowd in the same breath—talk about multi-talented! Anyway, he got voted in as the Director General at the Customs and Tariff Bureau and started fucking shit up in there. I liked to think of him as the ultimate undercover agent, and his field operations involved paper cuts and clips. Now that you are caught up, how did I turn into a monster, you ask? Well, back to the retirement party."

Younger Ryohei is sitting at his family's table with his mom.

"Where is Dad, Mom?"

"He's probably chatting with other politicians and his old friends. I hate those sneaky politicians…"

"Everyone does."

"Yeah, but they love to take up my husband's time for stupid meetings!"

"Calm down; it'll be okay. He is around somewhere."

"Never tell a woman to calm down, Ryohei."

"Got it. I'll go get us something to drink…"

Ryohei grabs a water bottle and a Diet Coke from the line of coolers they had set up, ranging from water to wine.

"I got you your favorite."

"Thanks, buddy."

"Do you know when this will be over? It's been like 5 hours."

"I don't want to hear another word about when thi—"

'And like the gods answering my wish in a Barry Allen way, explosions rang out all around the building and the ceiling fell down. Do you know what it's like when a ceiling falls down? It fucking hurts.'

Ryohei couldn't feel his legs after the ceiling fell. He frantically tried to push off the rubble and eventually made it to the surface. The first thing he saw was his mom's severed head. The rubble had fallen onto her neck and was enough to sever her head.

'To this day, I still don't know how it happened. And to be honest, I don't want to talk about this.'

Ryohei looked away from the scene. How could he look? But he did see his father looking under rubble and helping people by lifting it up.

'Did I mention my dad's quirk was muscle enhancement? He could give himself super strength for 20 minutes every 24 hours.'

While he was doing that, a tall figure with a mask came down from the sky.

"Hiroshi Ribayashi… you've been an inconvenience."

"Who are you?"

"My name doesn't matter."

"Hmmm… alright… what do you want?"

"You have cracked down on illegal imports, making my operations difficult."

"It's good to know my policies have been working."

"Yes, they have. Which is why I've personally come to solve this problem."

"I see."

"Origami, Flamethrower."

Two other villains came out of the rubble like a movie. All For One's arm grew into a huge one and ran at Ryohei's dad, throwing punches. His dad did his best to dodge and hit back, but one of the other two villains started spewing flames from his arms, and the other started folding paper and throwing it at Ryohei's dad. When it hit, it exploded. He tried, but he eventually got overpowered. Ryohei lay there, legs crushed, watching his world fall apart.

'Seeing All For One take out my pops right in front of me was like watching a fucking horror movie from the front row. One minute he's the biggest and baddest motherfucker in the room, and the next, he's getting killed by a villain with a god complex. And there I was, watching my old man go from hero to zero in the blink of an eye, feeling like the biggest cosmic joke ever told. Not exactly the family picture you put on the Christmas card.'

All For One left after that, and the two other villains started cleaning up, killing anyone they found alive.

Ryohei watched as the flamethrower villain walked over to him, smiling as he picked up a piece of rebar and stabbed Ryohei through the chest. He screamed in pain and looked up at the villain, who was still smiling. The villain stuck out his arm, which had pipes coming from the wrist, and burned Ryohei alive.

Ryohei woke up three days later in a burned wreck of a building with his skin looking like a nuclear bomb victim.

'Everyone thought I was quirkless—until this. Even me. All my life, I wished for any type of quirk, and the one time I didn't wish for one was when I got one. I didn't know what to do after, so I just started walking. I found clothes in a dumpster to replace my burned ones. It was a black hoodie and green ripped cargo shorts. After a few weeks of living on the street, I got into contact with Kenji Tsuragamee, who was friends with my pops. He agreed to help me put all of my parents' assets in my name and find me someone to live with. I'll never forget the look he had when he saw my face.'

Ribayashi closes his book his hand fully growing back at this point.

"Now you know why I look like a monster off of Goosebumps." Ribayashi squeaks his duck. "Wipe your tears, readers. I know that was tragic, but get ahold of yourself." Ribayashi sighs. "And I used all of my money on supplies for that shitshow."

Ribayashi climbed out of the tub and got dressed. He grabbed his white suit, which looked red with all the blood, and threw it in the washer with lemon seltzer. Ribayashi looked at the brochure from Nakamura's taxi.

"Better than sitting around here sad all day."

Ribayashi put on a hoodie, hat, face mask, and sunglasses before leaving the apartment.

"I tried leaving the house without the mask before, but I got mistaken for a zombie by some kids, and they chased me with sticks. So, some type of mask stays on."

Ribayashi walked through the city, taking in the nightlife of Musutafu.

"Walking around Musutafu at night is like walking through a superhero-themed amusement park where everyone has powers. You might get caught with All For One fucking your shit up or a little kid who just unlocked his quirk testing it. Either way, at least it's never boring. Speaking of which, here is our first stop on our travels."

It was a haunted bar. There were rowdy people inside, evident from all the chatter. Ribayashi opened the door and saw a bunch of rough-looking guys talking, playing pool, and drinking.

"Hey, I'm looking for the haunted ghouls."

Ribayashi told a bartender.

"You a celebrity or something?"

"Yeah, I starred in a horror movie."

Ribayashi took off the mask and glasses.

"Oh… Oh… Your face is haunting. It's the stuff of nightmares."

"Like a testicle with teeth?"

"You will die alone."

"So where are the ghosts?"

"Oh, that? It's a recruitment thing for what we've got going on here."

"And that is?"

"Work. We give out jobs, you complete them for money."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, people put up a contract and how much they'll pay for it to be done, and we dish them out."

"It's like a job fair for mercs?"

"I like the way you think."

"Wait, so you guys are a bunch of fucked-up tooth fairies that knock out all your teeth and take the money?"

"Yes."

"I'm getting hard just thinking about the possibilities. How do I sign up?"

"You ask for a card, and we hand it to you. You don't get payment until you complete the job. When completed, you will turn in the card to me, and I'll pay you."

"Can I get a card?"

"Mhm."

The bartender handed him a silver card with a website link. Ribayashi typed it in, and it led to a spreadsheet of information. A girl was getting stalked, and she wanted somebody to fix it.

"Let me go grab my ass-kicking outfit."

"Go get 'em, tiger."

Ribayashi raced home, put his suit in the dryer, then took it out and put it on.

"Alright, maximum effort."