It was 3:30am and Maddie Hayes was wide awake. She had been having difficulty sleeping ever since she arrived in Chicago a couple of weeks ago. She would toss and turn for hours and at some point, she decided it was easier to stay up most of the night, watching old black and white movies in her childhood bedroom, until sheer exhaustion overcame her. When she did fall asleep, she slept fitfully, having all kinds of dreams about Los Angeles, about the agency… about David. She felt haunted by her life in LA and about everything that had happened over the past few weeks – well, years, if she was honest with herself. It's no wonder why she was so tired. At this point, it was even late in Los Angeles - even David would be sleeping now.

How did she end up here? She had tried for years to have balance and order in her life, to be wholly independent, to keep people at arm's length and never completely give herself to anyone or anything. She was introverted, and an only child, and loneliness was never an issue for her – in fact, she craved time alone to center herself and keep her sanity.

This all worked out great until David Addison came into her life. He was loud, and lewd, and different in every way from the man she had always imagined building a life with. But she couldn't deny the attraction and chemistry between the two of them and if she was really honest with herself – this man was the love of her life. Deep down inside, he was vulnerable, and sensitive, and knew her better than she'd like to admit. She felt a connection to David that she'd never felt to any other human being, mentally and physically, and it terrified her how much she wanted him and how afraid she was that he would end up breaking her heart. At the same time, she feared he had ruined her for any other man. She simply couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

Maddie had quite literally run away from her life in LA – from the agency, from her home, from her personal commitments – under the guise of needing time to think about her life and her relationship with David. What on earth was she doing? Had she lost her mind? She knew she was avoiding reality – goodness, she was even avoiding her parents in whose home she had taken refuge!

Maddie knew her track record with men and relationships. But it was more than that. Deep down, something inside of Maddie knew why she was hiding but she couldn't acknowledge it, not even to herself. To say the words out loud would give life to them and make them real.

Maddie had told David not to call her here, to let her call him, because she needed time alone to contemplate their relationship, and her future. But the truth was she missed him. She thought about him during every waking moment. She dreamed about him. She fantasized about him. She missed waking up next to him in the mornings and the way he would run his hands through her hair when he kissed her. She missed his scent, his laughter. She missed their long conversations, and their banter, and the way he always tried to bring out the fun and spontaneous side of her. She even missed his singing in the shower! To quote one of her favorite authors, he had bewitched her, body and soul.

Maddie received a letter from David in the mail yesterday. At first, she was angry at him for finding a loophole to get in touch with her and then touched when she read his letter. She really had a hard time imagining David taking the time to sit down and write a long letter, and she was touched. As it turns out, he was an eloquent and beautiful writer – yet another surprise from this man. She owed him a response. She thought about calling him but she knew that the moment she heard his sandpapery voice, she'd be putty in his hands, and she couldn't let that happen. Not now.

Maddie pulled out a stationery set from the white desk in her childhood bedroom and began to write:

Dear David,

Thank you for the letter you sent. It was great to get an update on the comings and goings at Blue Moon. Say hello to everyone at the agency for me. I won't say I told you so about MacGillicuddy's marriage!

David, I really appreciate your giving me this time in Chicago to think about our relationship and our future. You know I need to consider and contemplate everything I do and that's just how I am, and how I've always been – just ask my parents! I know this doesn't feel fair to you and you're right – it isn't.

I miss you, David. I miss spending time with you and waking up next to you every morning. I miss your laughter, and your silliness, and the way you bring out the best (and okay, sometimes the worst) in me.

I don't think it's a surprise to you that it is difficult for me to open up to people. That goes for everyone I interact with. I'm introverted and need space for myself to keep myself grounded. I don't have a lot of close friends and I have a tendency to put up walls and push people away when things are uncomfortable for me.

It's even harder for me to open up my heart in a relationship. What you don't know is that years ago, when I was a young model, a man betrayed my trust and broke my heart. Ever since then I've really struggled to have the kind of relationship with a man that I know I deserve. I don't like to talk about it and maybe one day I will (not in a letter). But no matter where we end up as a couple, our relationship - as business partners, friends, lovers, and possibly more - is very important to me and I owe you complete honesty.

I don't know when I will be back to Los Angeles but just know that I am thinking of you – and thinking of us. I just still need some time to work through some things before I come back home. I love you, David.

Love,

Maddie

Maddie put down her pen and neatly folded the letter. She put it into an envelope and sealed it. She picked her pen back up and addressed the letter to David's home address. She didn't want to risk Agnes or Bert or one of the Wobblies getting hold of it!

Maddie quietly walked downstairs and into the family room to get a stamp from her father's desk. She noticed that her dad had been up late and there was an empty lowball glass with melted ice on the table beside his armchair and there was still a fire going in the fireplace. She stood there for a few minutes, thinking about her situation and thinking about David.

Taking a deep breath, she tossed the letter into the flames.