You can scream all you want. No one out there will help you.

A lavender flower, dried and wilted, sat in the barren bed of a drought-stricken lake. An unyielding sun burned red hot above it all.

Jiang Cheng was bound there in that lake, his face close enough to the flower to smell the blood caked on its petals. There was blood in the dirt beneath him too and embedded deep under his fingernails.

Though the lake was dry, he couldn't draw breath. He was drowning.

An imaginary compressive force pushed inward from all sides. His wrists burned where sweaty bindings clutched them.

He was going to die there. He was sure of it…

I'll make it so you never want to be touched again. There will be no heir to the Jiang Clan.

Jiang Cheng woke with a start. He was clammy and cold and horribly nauseous. His stomach churned as he sat up on his bed.

"Jiujiu?"

He looked up to find Jin Ling holding a lantern uncertainly in the doorway. His hair was unkempt and he was still dressed in his nightclothes. He must have returned from getting a snack or a drink.

Jiang Cheng wondered how long he'd been asleep. He could still hear the chirping of nighttime insects and the occasional call of an owl outside.

"Jiujiu, are you all right?" Jin Ling asked.

Jiang Cheng opened his mouth to send him away. But, his stomach roiled at that exact moment, and he turned to vomit onto the floor beside his bed, pulling his hair away from his face just in time.

"Jiujiu!" Jin Ling exclaimed, stepping into the room. "Are you ill? Is it Xue Yang?"

"It's not… stop… I have it…"

Jiang Cheng's thoughts were muddled. He fumbled with the jade talisman around his neck and showed it to Jin Ling, hoping that this evidence would suffice as proof that this had nothing to do with Xue Yang.

Jin Ling kept inching nearer to him, though. Jiang Cheng knew logically that there was nothing nefarious about his nephew's presence, yet his heart rate continued to climb with each step that Jin Ling took.

He heaved again and pressed the palm of his sweaty hand against his equally sweaty forehead.

Jin Ling continued to barrage him with questions.

"Are you sure the talisman is still working? Are there any signs of damage to it? Should I wake someone to take a look at it for you? Or do you feel like this may still be the miasma?"

He wouldn't stop. He wasn't giving Jiang Cheng any time to collect his thoughts. Why wasn't there any air in this room?

When Jin Ling reached out to touch his shoulder, Jiang Cheng smacked his hand away.

"Jiuj-?"

"Get out," Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth.

"But I think you need-"

"Get. Out."

Jin Ling leaned closer to him, very worried. "I'm serious, Jiujiu. I don't think this is any-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" Jiang Cheng screamed.

He no longer cared who he woke in the inn. He needed him gone. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He needed Jin Ling – he needed everyone – to stay away from him.

Jin Ling jumped back in shock. The lantern swung from its handle, throwing disorienting shadows up along the wall.

"I'm only trying to help, Jiu-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! GET OUT!"

The pitter patter of running footsteps stopped Jin Ling from replying.

Jiang Cheng really couldn't breathe. His vision was blurry.

Was yet another person going to come in here to question him? Why couldn't he have his space? Why wouldn't they leave him alone? He couldn't escape. He needed to get out.

Lan Xichen stopped in the doorway, lantern in hand. Jiang Cheng's skin turned cold. Now he definitely needed to get out. He couldn't have Zewu-jun see him like this.

Lan Xichen's eyes swept the room. There was a flicker of understanding in them.

"Jin Ling," Lan Xichen said, his voice calm but firm, "please go ask Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi to let you into their room."

"I can't do that!" Jin Ling insisted. "He's ill! He needs help!"

He didn't need help. He needed them gone.

Jiang Cheng clumsily stood from his bed, barely missing the pool of his own sick on the floor.

"Jiujiu! What are you-?"

Jiang Cheng spun around, ready to – well he didn't really know what he was going to do, but it didn't matter.

At that moment, Lan Xichen had locked Jin Ling's upper arm in a tight grip, holding him back from approaching his uncle.

Something in Jiang Cheng snapped.

He ripped Zidian off of his finger. Violet sparks cascaded onto the floor as he wound back to strike at Lan Xichen.

"Jiujiu?!"

"Please go!" Lan Xichen yelled at Jin Ling as he flung him toward the door.

Whap!

Lan Xichen hadn't drawn his sword nor made any move to fight back or defend himself except to cover his head with his arms. But Zidian never struck him.

In his haste to defend his nephew, Jiang Cheng hadn't aimed properly. A long charred gash was embedded deep in the wooden doorframe.

Jin Ling's ghost white face stared at him from the hallway as Lan Xichen slowly uncovered his head.

"Jiujiu, what did you do?" Jin Ling breathed.

Jiang Cheng ignored him. He was wholly focused on Lan Xichen, waiting to see if he would dare to go near Jin Ling again.

"Jin Ling," Lan Xichen said, speaking as calmly as a teacher might to his student, "I will only ask you once more to leave."

"But he just-!"

Lan Xichen continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "Please tell the others to go back to bed," he said. "Tell them that there is nothing wrong and that I'm handling the situation. Do not allow anyone to come this way. Do you understand?"

"I don't think-"

Jiang Cheng tightened his grip on Zidian, prepared to intervene, but Lan Xichen didn't approach Jin Ling again. He merely fixed him with a very serious look to stop his protests.

"Yes, Zewu-jun," Jin Ling said reluctantly.

He bowed and ran off to do as he was told. Lan Xichen remained exactly where he was. So did Zidian.

Wei Wuxian's voice drifted in from the hallway. "He shouldn't be in there with him!" he shouted. "He doesn't know what to do! He's going to hurt him! Let me handle it!"

Jiang Cheng was going to kill him if he tried to come in. He wouldn't stand to have him here.

But, Jin Ling said something that Jiang Cheng couldn't quite hear over the ringing in his ears, and Wei Wuxian didn't speak again.

He turned his full attention back to Lan Xichen.

"Don't you ever touch him like that again," Jiang Cheng said, voice shaking with fury.

He expected an argument. He was ready to yell at him, to fight him, whatever it took.

"I'm sorry."

Jiang Cheng blinked, too shocked to know how to respond.

"I was thoughtless," Lan Xichen said. "I'm sorry."

Zidian reverted to its ring form. He hadn't actively told it to do so, but it did.

"I won't come near you," Lan Xichen went on. "Just breathe."

He hadn't noticed that he was still gasping as though he'd finished a race. But now that it had been pointed out to him, the trapped feeling from earlier returned at full force.

He stumbled back a step. "I can't fucking breathe in here," he said.

Xichen nodded. "Why don't we go outside then?"

Outside? The idea of cool air sounded good.

"Can't get there," Jiang Cheng said between gasps.

"You don't want to anyone to see you."

It was a statement, not a question, but Jiang Cheng shook his head in answer anyway. He scratched at his wrists, trying in vain to stop his skin from crawling.

Oh how he hated that Lan Xichen was trying to help him! He longed for him to leave, but he had a feeling that he wouldn't.

"There's a window behind you," Lan Xichen said placidly.

Jiang Cheng frowned and glanced back at the circular window above his nightstand.

"It's perhaps not meant to be an exit," Lan Xichen said, "but I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

The brass lock shone in the moonlight with the promise of the air that he could not seem to get inside. He wandered toward it. Was he going to let him go?

"You've made it clear that you want to be alone," Lan Xichen said, "but I'm worried about you."

The walls threatened to suffocate him. He needed to get outside and away from the scrutiny of everyone else.

Jiang Cheng prepared to fight to escape.

"I can call for anyone you prefer," Lan Xichen continued. "If you would rather Jin Ling or Wei Wuxian accompany you, I will bring them to you. I only ask that you please don't go alone."

What was he talking about?

Jiang Cheng didn't want Jin Ling to see him like this any more than he already had. And Wei Wuxian? Never again. Clearly he hadn't listened to anything he'd said when they'd spoken before. He still thought that he and Wei Wuxian were secretly friends.

"What would you do to me if I left on my own?"

"Nothing," said Lan Xichen. "I would come with you."

As light-headed as he was beginning to feel, Jiang Cheng wasn't certain he could put up enough of a fight to get away from him, but he would die trying.

This time, he would die trying.

He turned around and seized Sandu from where it had been propped against his bed. But when he saw the way that Lan Xichen was looking at him, he paused, sword half-drawn.

Lan Xichen wasn't fierce or braced for combat. His brow was knit together and the corners of his eyes were creased. He was pleading with him.

"I don't want anyone to come with me," Jiang Cheng said, still frozen in place with Sandu out in front of him.

"I know."

"I want to be alone."

"I know."

"Let me be alone, then!"

"I can't," Lan Xichen said sadly.

"You don't have to take care of me," Jiang Cheng snarled. "I riled you up in Jinlintai to vindicate myself. I didn't do it to help you. You don't owe me anything."

Lan Xichen's expression remained unchanged. "I don't care."

"Why not?!" Jiang Cheng demanded. He drew Sandu out further.

"Because," Lan Xichen said, his voice so quiet that Jiang Cheng had to strain to hear him, "I've seen people act this way before, other friends of mine after the Sunshot Campaign. I'm afraid of what you might do to yourself."

What could he possibly say to that?

Sandu clattered to the floor followed shortly by Jiang Cheng as he dropped to his knees, one hand pressed into his chest. It felt like his ribs were going to crack. His throat was constricting down more and more.

He barely noticed Lan Xichen kneel down across the room from him.

"Please let me be alone," he wheezed.

"I'm so sorry. I can't," Lan Xichen whispered back.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to break things. He wanted to feel anything other than this sickening helplessness and panic. But he couldn't do that here. And he couldn't do that in front of anyone.

He was trapped.

"I can open the window for you, if you would allow it?"

Jiang Cheng nodded, not knowing what else to do.

Lan Xichen stood and headed in that direction. He pressed himself against the wall as he moved, as if he were afraid of him and needed to stay far away.

Then again, Jiang Cheng had tried to hit him with Zidian moments ago. Maybe he was a little wary.

There was a click followed by creaking. And then a breeze rolled into the room, shifting the sweat-soaked hairs that hung in Jiang Cheng's face. For just a second, he was able to breathe a little better.

"Did you still want to go outside?" Lan Xichen asked from behind him.

Yes, by myself, was what Jiang Cheng wanted to say. But he couldn't find the words and he knew the argument was pointless, so he simply nodded.

"Do you want me to help you up?"

Jiang Cheng vigorously shook his head.

"All right, I won't," Lan Xichen assured him. "I'll stand here, out of your way."

He looked over his shoulder to see that Lan Xichen had moved from in front of the window to linger in the corner instead. He'd given Jiang Cheng as much space as he could.

Shakily, Jiang Cheng got to his feet. He walked to the nightstand and slowly hoisted himself onto it, worried that the cheap furniture would break under his weight.

It didn't though, and he dropped down barefoot onto the soft dirt outside.

Jiang Cheng inhaled deeply, drinking in the smell of the earth. The tightness in his chest subsided a little more.

When he heard Lan Xichen climb atop the nightstand behind him, he shifted out of the way to allow him to come down next to him. The lantern that Lan Xichen brought with swung wildly from its handle when he landed.

They stood there outside the window for a few moments. The whirligigs at the toy stand were spinning slowly in the breeze.

"I'm not here to stop you," Lan Xichen said, staring up at the moon, his voice as soft as spring rain. "I'm not here to judge you. I'm only here to make sure… to make sure that you make it back. Please do anything that you need to."

So, Jiang Cheng drew Sandu and marched off through the town and toward the woods that he knew lay outside it.

It was becoming easier and easier to breathe. His steps that had started out shaky became more uniform. But now his flesh was crawling as if many hands were sliding over him and it took every ounce of strength that he'd recovered not to try to tear his skin off. That would surely cause Lan Xichen to intervene.

He stepped under the cover of the trees. Lan Xichen followed him, moving so quietly that he could have been gliding. Jiang Cheng tried hard to forget that he was there.

He kept walking until the fact that he was being followed had slipped to the back of his mind and the itching of his flesh had reached an unbearable level.

Then, he did what he'd done many times in the past.

Whack!

On the first strike, he'd managed to bury Sandu almost completely in the trunk of the tree. But he didn't stop at just one. No. He'd done this enough to know what he needed. He would strike as many times as it took to fatigue himself, using physical exertion to distract himself from the horrible itching.

Sandu would bear it. It always had.

Over and over again he hit the tree. He probably looked like a madman. But he didn't care.

He first imagined the trunk to be the huli jing, Xue Yang, the one responsible for luring him out into this miasma that had reawakened old nightmares… nightmares that had faded but never really gone away.

Whack!

Then it was Wen Chao.

Whack!

Then it was Wen Zhuliu.

Whack!

Then it was Wang Lingjiao.

Whack!

Then it was Jin Guangyao.

Whack!

And then, out of habit, it was Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng felt a tremble in his arms. He was out of breath, already tired from hitting at full force with each swing.

But that wasn't why he didn't swing again.

Sandu's handle, slick with sweat, tumbled from his grasp. The sword thudded onto the forest floor and Jiang Cheng dropped his arms to his sides, staring in the dark at the slices he'd made.

His skin was still crawling. He couldn't make the sensation go away, and he couldn't pick up Sandu again. He just couldn't.

So, he did the only other thing that had ever worked for him.

He screamed.

He tilted his head back and screamed as loudly as he could. He hollered at the top of his lungs until he became disoriented and his throat begged him to stop.

And then, when finally he fell silent, he felt like himself again, exhausted like he had been for over a decade.

Jiang Cheng turned around to put his back to the mauled tree and slid down to sit at its base. He leaned against the bark and closed his eyes.

He wanted to fall asleep there. He didn't want to go back to the inn where the others would surely ask him questions and where the walls around him were a prison.

He wanted to fall asleep there, but he was cold and wet from perspiration and the breeze kept making him colder.

But he was just so. damned. tired.

Suddenly, he remembered that he wasn't alone.

"Zewu-jun?" he croaked, eyes still closed.

Jiang Cheng coughed a couple times, trying to clear his throat so he could make himself heard, but there was nothing to clear. He had yelled himself hoarse.

"Lan Xichen?" he tried again, speaking hardly any louder than he had before.

"Yes, I'm here," came a voice from among the trees.

"I'm done," Jiang Cheng said. "You don't have to hide from me anymore."

He opened his eyes and Lan Xichen stepped out into the scant moonlight of the forest, holding the extinguished lantern by his side. His white robes made him easy to spot, but Jiang Cheng couldn't see his face. He looked like some sort of ghostly apparition.

"Hide from you? You make it sound as if you scared me."

"Didn't I?" Jiang Cheng asked.

Lan Xichen chuckled. "A little."

"I-"

Lan Xichen held up a hand. "You don't need to apologize or explain."

"I think I owe you an-"

"You don't owe me anything," Lan Xichen said calmly as he knelt down in front of him. "I have supported other friends of mine through similar circumstances. Nothing you did felt like a personal slight against me. In fact, I have had much worse."

"But I – Zidian-"

"You were protecting your nephew."

"He wasn't in danger."

"You were still protecting him," Lan Xichen said. "I don't hold that against you."

Jiang Cheng was too stunned for words. What he'd almost done to Lan Xichen was punishable. But he was acting like it was nothing.

"I don't need an explanation now or ever," Lan Xichen went on. "Whatever burden you carry belongs to you. You can share it or not as you wish."

Jiang Cheng stared at him blankly.

Those words…

Your problems are your own, A-Cheng. I would be honored if you would share them with me, but I will never pressure you to do so.

Jiang Cheng buried his face in his hands.

"Are you all right?" Lan Xichen asked.

"I thought I always did this on my own," he mumbled to himself. "I forgot her? How could I forget her?"

"Forget who?"

He didn't answer.

He had forgotten that she'd been there. Not for everything, but she'd been there. Was it easier to tell himself that he'd always been alone rather than admit that he'd needed her for this, just like he'd needed her for everything else?

It was Yanli who had found him by the lake years ago, unable to breathe. She'd sat with him and talked about anything that might take his mind away from the terror. Yanli, who had picked him up off the floor in the middle of a meeting with his upper disciples and had lied and told them it was her own cooking that had made him sick and that she was feeling unwell herself. Yanli, who would stay with him through anything but leave as soon as she was asked to.

How could he disregard all that she'd done for him?

Alone wasn't what he needed. He needed her.

The quiet between them was broken by Lan Xichen.

"You don't have to answer that either," he said. "Did you want to stay here or go back?"

"Stay here," Jiang Cheng said.

"May I stay with you?"

Jiang Cheng laughed wryly. He regretted it, though. His throat still hurt quite a lot.

"Won't you stay no matter what I say?" he asked.

Lan Xichen bowed his head. "I'm very sorry about that," he said. "Truly, I am. I know this is a private matter of yours and it was intrusive of me to stay."

"Hm."

"But you seem… calmer now," he said. "I feel better about leaving you alone if that's what you prefer."

"And what do you prefer?"

Lan Xichen's answer came without deliberation or pause. "I would prefer to stay with you," he said. "I enjoy your company, even in silence."

Enjoyed his company? That was difficult to believe.

Despite what others might think, Jiang Cheng was quite aware of how bitter his personality was. He knew why they made a point to avoid him.

But he wasn't about to argue with someone who wanted to stay… not yet anyway.

Jiang Cheng leaned his head back against the tree. The waxing moon made shadows of the leaves above. Ruffled by the wind, they looked like birds taking flight.

"That wasn't an accident then?" Jiang Cheng asked.

"What wasn't an accident?"

"You called me your friend when you were drunk… and tonight you implied it again. You've 'supported other friends'."

Lan Xichen let out a breathy laugh.

"I am sorry about some of the things I said when I was drunk, but I'm not sorry about that," he replied. "I meant it when I said it the first time. Just like I meant it when I asked you to call me 'Xichen'."

"Oh," Jiang Cheng said awkwardly. "I haven't been calling you that."

"I've noticed."

He smiled at him to show that he wasn't offended. Jiang Cheng felt that he should say something.

The trouble was that he didn't really know what to say. It was becoming clear to him that it had been several years since he'd had anyone that he could call his friend. Those that he'd had in the past were mostly acquired through Wei Wuxian… actually, all of them had been.

Did he even know how to make friends on his own? Could he consider Lan – no – Xichen a friend already?

"Have I made you uncomfortable?"

Bewildered, Jiang Cheng looked over to find Xichen studying him intently.

"No," he said. "I only wondered… well, I don't seem to fit the typical mold of friendship for you."

Xichen raised his eyebrows. "What mold is that?" he asked. "Traitors? Liars?"

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "That's not what you thought he was when you were close," he explained. "And don't forget that you were close with Chifeng-zun too."

"Ah."

"I haven't done anything for you," Jiang Cheng said. "They fought with you and made sacrifices for you. I've already told you that the things you've thanked me for were done for selfish reasons. I don't understand."

Xichen raised his eyebrows even higher. "If I recall correctly, you fought with me in the Sunshot Campaign too," he said. "And why would you need to have done anything for me? You think I pick my friends based on what they can give me?"

"Shouldn't they give you something?"

"Sure," Xichen said. "Companionship, support, advice…"

"I don't see how…"

He trailed off. Xichen was looking at him strangely again.

"What have I given you?" Xichen asked. "Or do you not yet consider me a friend?"

Jiang Cheng dug his fingernails into his thighs. The conversation had taken an even more uncomfortable turn.

"I… I don't know yet…"

Xichen smiled warmly. When he replied, he didn't sound upset at all. "That's all right," he said. "If you'd rather I don't call you a friend, I can stop."

"No," Jiang Cheng said quickly. "No, it's fine."

"Good. And thank you for your honesty."

There was a pause between them. Jiang Cheng dug his fingernails deeper and deeper, biting through the fabric of his trousers and into the flesh beneath. He felt bad about what he'd admitted to Xichen, but he knew he would have felt even worse if he'd lied.

Eventually, Jiang Cheng found his voice again. "Back then," he said slowly, "when we were all sick from the miasma…"

"Yes?"

"You said that you didn't want to go against my wishes."

"Yes."

Jiang Cheng cocked his head to one side. "Then what were you going to do?" he asked, bracing himself for the harsh answer he knew would come. "If you weren't going to ignore what I said, what option was left to you?"

"I would have stayed to defend you," Xichen said simply.

Jiang Cheng recoiled in surprise, and then laughed. "Sure you would have!" he said. "Just like Luo Qingyang carried me out of the goodness of her heart and not to make a fool of me!"

"I'm not lying," Xichen said with obvious frustration. "And I don't think Advisor Luo intended to humiliate you."

"Tch."

Xichen watched him sadly. "Do you really not believe me?"

"Not really," Jiang Cheng said flatly. "How's that friendship paying off for you so far?"

His lips curled upward slightly, but the pity had not left Xichen's eyes. "Mn," he said with a shrug. "You're bad tempered and abrasive."

"The best qualities to have."

"When I think about it," Xichen continued, unfazed, "you're not unlike Mingjue."

"What?"

Xichen chuckled at his surprise. "Maybe you didn't know my friends quite as well as I did," he said.

"You didn't know them very well either."

Jiang Cheng knew it was wrong as soon as he'd said it. The words had slipped out before he could stop them.

The corners of Xichen's mouth turned downward slightly. The silence that followed was too much for Jiang Cheng to bear.

"Listen, I didn't – uh –" Jiang Cheng stuttered. "I would – um-"

"I can't disagree when it comes to Jin Guangyao," Xichen interrupted him. "But I'd like to think Mingjue wouldn't have deceived me too."

Jiang Cheng's stomach twisted uncomfortably. This was why Wei Wuxian had always been the one to make friends for the two of them.

"No, I don't think – I didn't – what do I know?"

The apology was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He knew Xichen would leave if he didn't, and still, he couldn't just say the words.

It wasn't as if he had to apologize for calling Jin Guangyao a traitor. He only needed to apologize for hurting Xichen.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree behind him. So much for friendship…

"Do you feel well?"

Jiang Cheng blinked in surprise. When he looked around, sure enough, Xichen was still sitting next to him.

Xichen smiled weakly. "Like I already told you," he said softly, "you are somewhat like Mingjue. What you said just now was harsh but not untrue. I imagine he might have said something similar. Maybe even worse."

He laughed lightly. Jiang Cheng did not.

Competitive as he was, even he knew that if Xichen continued to compare him to Chifeng-zun, he was going to be disappointed.

A stronger breeze rolled through the woods, lifting a few fallen leaves from the dirt and chilling Jiang Cheng's drenched clothing. He shivered.

"Should we go back?" Xichen asked him.

"Uh…"

Jiang Cheng looked toward the inn. A sense of claustrophobia washed over him as he studied those wooden walls. He didn't want to go back, even though he was now unable to stop his shivering.

"It's fine if you're not ready," Xichen said, "but I can't recommend that you sleep here."

He didn't think it would matter where he went. Jiang Cheng wasn't going to be able to sleep anywhere. Not when sleeping meant he might return to those dreams.

Ever since they'd entered Qishan, he'd been restless… more so than usual. He wondered if he would have any strength left to fight Xue Yang by the time they arrived in Nightless City.

Xichen waited patiently for him to respond.

Jiang Cheng sighed.

It was unlikely that he would be able to fall asleep again, but that didn't mean he needed to keep Xichen up with him.

Sending him away would have worked too, except that Jiang Cheng didn't want to send him away. He didn't want to risk offending him again.

"Very well," Jiang Cheng said, rising to his feet. His legs were sore and wobbly beneath him.

"I don't mean to make you feel as if you must leave this instant," Xichen said, standing as well.

"It's fine. I'm… done here anyway."

A sense of shame crept under his skin… and then hit him full force. Delayed as it was, it was no less strong than usual.

Xichen, one of the most powerful men of the cultivation world, had seen him at his absolute weakest. It was such an uncomfortable feeling to walk beside him that Jiang Cheng had almost changed his mind and told Xichen to leave even though he'd decided against it before.

He would have wished for Xue Yang to materialize out of thin air and strike him dead, except that he was very much committed to killing him first.

With no other options left to him, Jiang Cheng did what he did best: he took what he could not bear and turned it into fire.

When he and Xichen entered the darkened inn, Jiang Cheng hurried his pace, ignoring Xichen's request for him to slow down. He heard him quicken his stride behind him.

"What's wrong?" Xichen asked when he caught up with him. "You seem upset."

Upset. Like he was fragile. Like he was some weak thing to be handled with care.

"I'm not," Jiang Cheng snapped. "Stop following me."

Xichen chuckled. "I have to go this way," he said. "My room is over here too. Unless you would rather I wait until you return to yours before I go to mine, but that seems… odd to me."

His tone was grating on Jiang Cheng's ears. Moments ago, his voice had been soothing and it had been nice to have him near. Now, though, it felt like he was mocking him.

"I would rather you had stayed behind like I'd said before," Jiang Cheng stated through gritted teeth, slowing as he neared his room. "I told you that I wanted to be alone."

They stopped and Jiang Cheng turned around to look at Xichen, who was standing a short distance away and looking very… upset in the dim light of a single hallway lantern that someone must have lit before bed.

"I'm sorry that I imposed like I did," Xichen said, bowing his head solemnly. "I'm sorry, but I cannot say I wouldn't do it again."

"Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, just like your brother," Jiang Cheng sneered. "Why can't either of you mind your own business?"

Xichen looked both surprised and mildly offended, but it passed quickly. He let out a quiet sigh and spoke tranquilly.

"Have I done something?" he asked. "You didn't seem so angry when we were outside."

"Nothing. I'm not. I'm going to bed."

When he turned away, Xichen spoke again.

"If this is embarrassment – if you're embarrassed, please don't be. I don't think any less of you."

Jiang Cheng gripped the handle to his door tightly, but then gradually relaxed. What was the use hiding it? Xichen had already figured it out.

"I didn't want anyone to see me like that," he mumbled to the door.

At first, he wondered if Xichen hadn't heard him and considered whether or not it was worth repeating. Then, Xichen answered him.

"Years ago, you survived a waking nightmare," he said softly. "It is expected that you would have scars. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

Subconsciously, Jiang Cheng's hand drifted toward his chest where there were still many visible scars from his time as a prisoner.

"Easy for you to say," Jiang Cheng murmured.

"I have scars of my own," Xichen said. "Which also means that I know my telling you not to be ashamed won't do anything to change how you feel."

"Why say it then?"

"Because…" he sighed before continuing. "Because of the Sunshot Campaign, I couldn't look at that red Wen sun, or anything that looked like it, without remembering everything that I'd seen.

"One day, after the war, Mingjue came to Gusu to report to me himself that he'd rooted out a band of Wen runaways. He told me that they had been responsible for killing travelers from our four clans, so he had dealt with them accordingly."

"Yes, I remember that," Jiang Cheng said.

He had heard after the fact that Chifeng-zun had dealt with those murderers and distinctly recalled the feeling of frustration that he hadn't been the one to take care of them.

"To prove that they were Wen remnants, he handed me a piece of cloth with a red sun embroidered on it," Xichen went on. He looked down at his feet and laughed. "I nearly collapsed when he showed that to me. It had been so long since I'd seen their sigil!"

"Hm."

Jiang Cheng wasn't sure he believed him, but he kept listening anyway.

"Mingjue kept me on my feet, and when I apologized and told him that I didn't know what came over me, he told me not to be sorry for or ashamed of the wounds of my past.

"Of course, I was still embarrassed after that," Xichen said. "I even made up an excuse to miss a scheduled meeting of ours. But what he said mattered because when I did see him again and he greeted me the same way that he always had, I knew that he'd meant what he said. I knew that he saw me no differently than before. I knew that he still respected me."

They stood like that for a time – Jiang Cheng's hand on his door and Xichen standing in the middle of the hallway a short distance from him.

"I see you no differently than before, Sect Leader Jiang," Xichen said. "I hope you can believe me."

Jiang Cheng nodded. "I actually... I think I do," he said.

When he turned around to face his door again, he was stopped before he could open it.

"Would you like me to leave?" Xichen asked.

Jiang Cheng frowned and looked back over his shoulder. "Is there some other alternative?" he asked.

Xichen shrugged. "Jin Ling will not return to your quarters tonight unless you wake him," he said. "I could take his place if you still wanted company."

"What about Huaisang?"

Xichen shrugged again. "You could stay with us in our room if you are comfortable with Huaisang's presence," he said. "Or he will be all right for one night. Wen Ning has tightened his patrol and will not wander far from the inn after what happened last time."

Wen Ning!

Jiang Cheng couldn't believe he'd forgotten about him. He would have been outside when they'd left. He might have followed them. He might have seen him. He might have heard him.

"Don't worry," Xichen said at the look on his face. "I sent Wen Ning away while we were leaving."

"How? When?"

"I gestured. It was shortly after we'd set off. After the first alleyway."

Jiang Cheng hadn't even noticed. He supposed it was a good thing after all that Xichen had come with him. Else, he either wouldn't have seen Wen Ning, or Wen Ning would have been the one insisting on coming with him.

He knew where the Ghost General's loyalties lay. He would tell Wei Wuxian everything the first chance he got.

"So," Xichen said with an incredibly gentle smile, "would you like me to leave?"

No, said a little voice in Jiang Cheng's head.

"Would you prefer to be on your own?"

No.

"You need your sleep," Jiang Cheng said. "You should go get some rest."

Xichen cocked his head to one side. "That wasn't what I asked," he said. "I asked if you would like me to leave."

"Well that was what I meant," Jiang Cheng snapped. "Go to bed."

Xichen chuckled, not at all offended by his rudeness. "All right, all right," he said, moving toward his own room. "I'll be just down the hall."

Jiang Cheng watched Xichen's shadow stretch along the floor of the hallway.

"Wait," he said, stopping Xichen once he'd reached his door.

Xichen turned back around.

"Don't… tell anyone," Jiang Cheng said. "Let me handle any of Jin Ling's questions tomorrow."

"Of course. Was there anything else?"

Stay with me?

"Thank you for your discretion," Jiang Cheng said.

Xichen inclined his head. "There's no need to thank me."

Jiang Cheng gazed at him, feeling as though he was seeing him for the first time. Xichen regarded him calmly, without seeming put off by his staring.

"Goodnight, Sect Leader Jiang," he said.

"Goodnight, Xichen."