We Were Who We Should Have Been (MDZS)

by TheCompanyIKeep

Xue Yang has returned, and he's angry. In a series of convoluted events, an unlikely team forms to deal with the unruly demonic cultivator. It's time for Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to work together again, but can they manage it? Can Lan Xichen move on from past betrayals? And can Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng come to terms with their new self-realizations?

48. Maybe I Should Have

Jiang Cheng's fever broke on their third day in Jinlintai. The doctors were frustrated with Wei Wuxian since he'd given an elixir for pain despite their recommendations. But it had all turned out fine, so Wei Wuxian regretted nothing.

He was, however, relieved to hear that they'd been monitoring Jiang Cheng even when he was supposedly alone. The doctors were aware that he'd started bleeding after Wei Wuxian had given him the elixir, but they hadn't intervened since it wasn't bad enough by their standards. They'd prioritized his rest.

And they continued to do so.

After his fever had gone, the doctors gave him more blood. They then agreed he could continue to receive elixirs for his pain.

Jiang Cheng slept most of the time for a while. They started to worry there was something more wrong with him. The doctors pressed Luo Qingyang to allow them to check his meridians, but she stood firm. They weren't allowed to until she told them they could.

It took about two days for him to start staying awake for longer than a few hours. He finally allowed Jin Ling to visit once the doctors confirmed that he wasn't going to need any more blood. But Jin Ling was still seething about not being allowed to see him before, so he refused for about half the day until Jiang Cheng demanded that he stop being a brat and come to see him. The whole thing turned into a shouting match.

The next day, it was like nothing had happened. Jin Ling went to see him again and they had a normal conversation, no shouting to be heard through the door.

Wei Wuxian didn't really understand it, but they both seemed much happier, so he didn't ask questions.

Jiang Cheng could walk one lap around his room twice daily and was eating small meals. He was recovering well despite the doctors' limitations with his meridians.

"Are you going to visit again?" Lan Zhan asked as he watched Wei Wuxian load a tray with food. "You know he can't eat that much."

"We'll see about that," Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. "He's not going to get stronger if he keeps nibbling on food instead of eating a full meal."

"Mn."

The kitchen staff moved around the two of them easily. At first, they'd tried to keep everyone except Jin Ling out. But when Jin Ling kept getting called on to settle disputes between Wei Wuxian and staff – be they from the kitchen or anywhere else – he'd announced that until he said otherwise, all members of their group were allowed into whatever areas of Jinlintai they wished to be in, so long as they were not Jin Ling's private rooms or the council chamber.

The people in the kitchen were beyond annoyed when Wei Wuxian kept prancing in and out, taking whatever food he wanted. But when they finally found the payment he left for them by the door each time he did, their frustration was quelled. Now, they mostly ignored him. Sometimes they'd wave hello or smile at him and he would be sure to reward their friendliness when he left.

"And you don't want me to come with you?" Lan Zhan asked, following Wei Wuxian back out into the hall.

"Ah, ah, you didn't pay them!" Wei Wuxian admonished. He gently elbowed Lan Zhan to turn him back around. "Leave a little extra this time. The lady cleaning the dishes was very nice."

"She barely acknowledged you."

"Yes, but she did acknowledge me!"

"Mn."

He did as he'd asked, like he usually did. When he caught up to him again, Wei Wuxian gave him an answer.

"And no," he said, "I don't need you to come with me. You don't want to come with anyway. I don't know if you've noticed, but you and Jiang Cheng don't exactly get along."

He could feel Lan Zhan's gaze upon him as they walked.

"What?" Wei Wuxian said without looking at him. "You still disapprove, don't you?"

"I don't disapprove."

"But you'll stare at me until I change my mind? Is that it?"

"You won't change your mind," Lan Zhan said. "I don't want you to change your mind. He's your family. But I still worry about what he says to you when I'm not there. As he gets stronger, I worry about what he'll do. I don't want you to come home feeling like you did after Nie Huaisang convinced the two of you to accompany him into the woods."

Wei Wuxian sighed. "He's not acting like that anymore. We've called a truce."

"Mn," Lan Zhan said skeptically.

There had been no such phrasing used. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian hadn't defined their new arrangement, but it seemed that they'd silently agreed not to discuss the things they'd said on the night that Wei Wuxian had given him the elixir.

They'd never had the sort of relationship where they could talk so plainly to one another. It used to be that anything they needed to say was dressed up in flippant remarks and feigned dislike. Yanli had lightly criticized them on their communication, but it was what had worked for them – harsh words to disguise their caring.

After everything they'd been through, however, it was hard to go back to that old method. It was too difficult to know which words were spoken with true contempt and which were not.

So, they were stuck in an in-between, talking to one another like familiar professional colleagues. Often, though, they would slip into old patterns. That was the most painful and was usually when Wei Wuxian would find a reason to leave.

"We're fine!" Wei Wuxian insisted. "We're sort of like what we used to be. It's weird, but it's better than what it was, so I'm not complaining."

"I just want you to be cautious," Lan Zhan said softly.

"I am. I'm being careful. I know how he is. He has a terrible temper. He always has."

Their footsteps echoed in the corridor, filling the silence between them. They didn't speak again until they'd reached Jiang Cheng's room.

"I don't want to make things hard for you," Lan Zhan said quietly, placing his hands tenderly over Wei Wuxian's as they held the tray of food. "I know he means a lot to you. There's a history that I can't compete with. I just don't want you to be hurt again."

"First of all," Wei Wuxian said, "you're not competing with Jiang Cheng. That's disgusting to think about. Don't ever say that again."

Lan Zhan frowned, seemingly realizing what he'd said too.

"Secondly, I know why you ask the questions you do. I know why you're worried. But I need you to trust me. Otherwise, this is going to become really frustrating for all of us."

"I trust you."

"And I whatever you," Wei Wuxian said with a smile.

He held the tray off to the side so he could stand on his toes to kiss Lan Zhan. They lingered there, both of them unwilling to break it off. Wei Wuxian smiled again even as they kissed. He liked the ones that lingered.

When at last they parted, Lan Zhan looked more worried than ever. But he didn't complain and he didn't reopen their argument. He moved a stray lock of hair from Wei Wuxian's face and kissed the top of his head.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked quietly.

"I don't need you to stay," Wei Wuxian replied. "You should probably go see Lan Xichen. Hasn't he been wanting to talk to you about something?"

Lan Zhan tensed. He looked that way any time Wei Wuxian brought up the subject. And even though neither Lan Zhan nor Lan Xichen had elucidated what this conversation of theirs was meant to be about, Wei Wuxian had a good idea.

Lan Zhan looked as he always did whenever someone referenced Jiang Cheng.

"Go talk to him," Wei Wuxian encouraged. "It's unlike you to put things off like this."

"Mn."

Wei Wuxian gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before Lan Zhan reluctantly turned around and headed back down the corridor toward the exit. Lan Xichen had told them earlier that he was planning to spend most of the day outside unless he was needed.

Wei Wuxian knocked on the door, or rather kicked it since his hands were full.

"Come in," Jiang Cheng called.

Wei Wuxian used his feet again to start opening the door but stopped when someone else spoke.

"No, stay out there, whoever you are," said Luo Qingyang. "We're in the middle of something."

"Lan Xichen won't be pleased to hear that," Wei Wuxian blurted out without thinking.

The response was chaos. He was pretty sure he heard someone knock something off the table. There was a lot of swearing.

On the bright side, Wei Wuxian didn't have to keep struggling with the door. Luo Qingyang threw it open for him.

Her face was a brilliant shade of red. "You think you're very funny, don't you?"

"I am very funny," Wei Wuxian said, stepping around her.

Window curtains partially drawn, Jiang Cheng's room was dark. They'd kept it that way to help him sleep since he kept complaining about the sun in his face.

It took a moment for Wei Wuxian's eyes to adjust.

A bowl sat face down beneath the window. Jiang Cheng was seated on the edge of his bed, as if he'd been about to get up.

His left arm and leg were both bound with wooden splints. Although he'd received a bone setting elixir from Lan Xichen, the fact that he'd proceeded to fight on partially healed fractures meant that he'd caused more damage and the elixirs could no longer carry the healing for him. He needed to let it heal the old fashioned way now.

The bandage around his middle, barely visible through the neck of his robe, was maintained even though he hadn't bled since Wei Wuxian had given him the first elixir.

He looked well, all things considered. Just a little thin since he hadn't been eating as much as he usually did.

Wei Wuxian set the tray on the table and picked up the bowl. A cough from the corner of the room startled him, and he nearly dropped the bowl back on the floor.

The doctor inclined his head to him apologetically. Wei Wuxian hadn't noticed anyone standing there before. He was almost completely camouflaged by shadow.

"Maybe it's not so bad that you're here," Luo Qingyang said as Wei Wuxian turned back around. "You can help convince Sect Leader Jiang to see reason."

Jiang Cheng immediately started yelling at her. "I don't need them to check anything! You've already done it! I'm healing fine!"

Naturally, Luo Qingyang screamed back. "There's no reason for them not to check! I told you that you're healed!"

"Exactly! I'm healed!"

Luo Qingyang looked to Wei Wuxian for support, but he held his hands up. He met the doctor's eyes, trying to figure out what to do, but the doctor looked away awkwardly. He seemed to be trying to disappear into the wall behind him.

"I don't know what's going on here," Wei Wuxian said.

"Sect Leader Jiang won't let anyone else check his meridians," Luo Qingyang said.

"Uh wasn't that the point?"

"It was, but now that I've checked and know that-"

"Fine!" Jiang Cheng bellowed. He twisted around to face the doctor. "You! Come here!"

The doctor jumped. And although he trembled like he wanted nothing more than to run straight out of the room, he tiptoed around the bed and came to a halt in front of Jiang Cheng.

"Check my meridians," Jiang Cheng barked, holding out his arm.

"What? Why are you allowing it now?" Wei Wuxian asked.

Jiang Cheng glared at him.

"What?!" Wei Wuxian cried. " You told me I could come in! How is this my fault?!"

The doctor reached toward him apprehensively. Almost as soon as he touched Jiang Cheng, he withdrew his hand again.

"You aren't fully aligned," the doctor said, speaking mechanically and looking anywhere except at his patient. "I expect you'll continue to have trouble eating for several weeks. You may also have trouble with your memory or mood swings for a while. Your leg and arm are in place as we thought they were. You should recover fine overall, but you may need someone to help steady your flow of qi occasionally for a few months."

Wei Wuxian couldn't help but chuckle at the mention of memory issues, which earned him yet another glare.

"Hm," said Jiang Cheng once the doctor had finished talking.

"May I go now?" he asked timidly.

Luo Qingyang nodded and waved the doctor away.

As soon as he was gone, she went back to telling Jiang Cheng off.

"I'm getting tired of dealing with these doctors and even more tired of dealing with you," she said to him. "Is my job here done? Are you satisfied that I told you the truth?"

Jiang Cheng glowered at her, but said, "Yes, you've done enough."

Wei Wuxian wasn't surprised that he didn't thank her. She should have counted herself lucky that he didn't start another screaming match.

"Great," she said shortly. "I'll be going now. And you're coming with me for a moment."

She caught Wei Wuxian's arm and started to haul him toward the door.

"What? I only just got here!" he insisted, trying to wiggle away from her. She had a deceptively strong grip.

"I need to speak privately with you."

"Watch yourself," Jiang Cheng growled at them as they stepped out into the hallway.

"With all due respect, Sect Leader," Luo Qingyang said angrily, "mind your business."

She snapped the door shut and rounded on Wei Wuxian.

"This is his business, actually," she said in a low tone.

It was then that he realized why she'd pulled him aside. Panic built in his chest.

Wei Wuxian pulled free of her grasp and backed away. "As much as I love to be nosy, I think it's best for both of us if you keep Jiang Cheng's secret for him," he said quickly. "I don't know why he told you of all people, but after-"

"I'm not telling you that!" she hissed. "Who do you think I am?!"

"What are you doing then?"

"I'm telling you to ask him about it. You should convince him to tell you."

She'd said it as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Wei Wuxian's heart skipped several beats.

"Uh no."

"What do you mean 'uh no'?!" she demanded.

"I mean, I would like to live to see another day, thank you. If he wants to tell me what's going on, that's his business. But I'm not sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. Not with him anyway."

She levelled a very serious look at him. "I don't think you understand how much I dislike him."

"No, I've got the idea."

"So you should understand that this is unusual," she said. "You should know I wouldn't give this a second thought if I didn't think it was important."

"You're probably making a bigger deal of it than-"

"I'm not," she said firmly. "He needs to tell someone. He needs to talk to someone. And he can't talk to me. I'm not doing that for him. I can't."

"I don't understand," Wei Wuxian said. His head was spinning trying to figure out what could possibly be so pressing. "He has some injury that he's embarrassed about. I don't care. He'll get over it. But he'll be furious if you-"

Luo Qingyang looked like she was going to hit him. Wei Wuxian took another step back.

"He's not going to get over it," she hissed. "Trust me."

"Then what's the use in telling me?"

She threw her hands up in the air and let out a frustrated cry. "Have you no idea what's going on?" she asked. "None at all?"

"None at all."

"You really aren't observant, are you? Zewu-jun seems to have some clue about it, but you're clueless. You grew up with him!"

Wei Wuxian bristled at her accusatory tone. "If Zewu-jun has it all figured out, why don't you-?"

"Because you grew up with him! He trusts you!"

He laughed. He couldn't help it.

Luo Qingyang had reached her limit. She grabbed the front of his robes and stared him down.

"If he doesn't start trying to deal with this soon, he's going to hurt the people around him," she said coldly. "That includes Jin Ling. That includes you. That includes anyone, really."

"He's not going to tell me," Wei Wuxian said. "It's that simple."

"Ask him, pester him, beg him, I don't care," Luo Qingyang said. "But you need to try."

"He's lived this long with whatever this is. What's the difference now?"

"Things are changing for him. I remember..." She trailed off, a forlorn look on her face. "It doesn't matter. The point is, he relived it all in Qishan and now he has to figure out how to get back to where he was before, but he won't be able to. I'm guessing he'll get uncomfortable. And when he gets uncomfortable, he gets violent."

"So you'd rather he lash out at me so that Jin Ling is spared?"

She let go of his robe and stared at him tragically. "I guess he'd be pleased to know how oblivious to all of this you are."

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing," she said. "I was trying to help you. None of this is my business. Do what you want, but don't say that I didn't warn you."

Luo Qingyang walked off with a sense of finality that told Wei Wuxian she wasn't coming back to visit Jiang Cheng again. He wanted to call after her. He had questions. But he didn't know whether or not he truly wanted to know the answers and he was pretty sure she wouldn't give them to him anyway.

So, he just watched her go.

Why was it that everyone else seemed to know what was going on with Jiang Cheng? It wasn't as if Wei Wuxian was completely oblivious. He knew it had something to do with the Wens and he knew it had to be some injury he was ashamed of.

It couldn't be the lashings from the discipline whip. Jiang Cheng was deeply embarrassed by those, but there was no need for him to hide it from Wei Wuxian since he already knew about it.

Wen Qing had known. She'd kept it secret for him.

And Luo Qingyang knew.

Why only strangers? Why only women?

Well, that wasn't true. Luo Qingyang suspected that Lan Xichen was aware of whatever this was too. Maybe Wei Wuxian could ask him about it.

But he didn't want to know.

After he'd given up asking Wen Qing about it years ago, he'd come to realize that it was probably for the best that no one had told him.

And he'd never dared to broach the topic with Jiang Cheng. Even back then.

Resolved not ask him about it at all, Wei Wuxian let himself back into Jiang Cheng's room after a little while.

"What did she want with you?" Jiang Cheng asked crossly.

"She wanted me to take over looking after you," he answered. "She's tired of hanging around you."

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes. But what Wei Wuxian had said was basically true. He hadn't lied to him.

So, he lifted his chin and prepared to verbally defend himself. But he didn't have to. Jiang Cheng backed down.

"I'm tired of having her around too," Jiang Cheng grumbled. "And I don't need anyone to take care of me. You heard what the doctor said."

"The doctor said you would need someone to help with your qi flow. Sounds like you'll still need help."

"Tch."

"Don't worry," Wei Wuxian said with an impish smile, "if you don't want me to do it, I'm sure Xichen would volunteer."

Jiang Cheng's cheeks flushed pink, which only encouraged Wei Wuxian to tease him further.

That is, until he noticed the few sparks from Zidian.

Jiang Cheng was angry? He hadn't responded so strongly before when Wei Wuxian had poked fun at him about Lan Xichen. Why now?

But his face didn't look angry. Just flustered.

Wei Wuxian was puzzled.

"There's no way I'm eating all of that," Jiang Cheng said suddenly, changing the subject as he jabbed a thumb over his shoulder toward the tray of food behind him. "You heard what the doctor said."

"Is that going to be your answer to everything?" Wei Wuxian asked before proceeding in a mocking tone, "'You heard what the doctor said.'"

"Yes, it will be if you keep trying to force feed me."

"I haven't force fed you. Stop being dramatic."

"Stop calling me dramatic."

"I will once you stop being dramatic."

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. He made to stand up and Wei Wuxian moved forward to offer assistance, but Jiang Cheng waved him away.

"I already told you," he said, grunting with the effort, "I don't need anyone to take care of me."

"Whatever," Wei Wuxian said. "Suits me fine."

Once he was up, Jiang Cheng started pacing around the room. Every time he put weight on his splinted leg, Wei Wuxian couldn't help but wince. Jiang Cheng, however, gave no obvious indication that it hurt, except the occasional twitch of his index finger and slight increase in the tension of his shoulders.

"Where are you going?" Wei Wuxian asked when Jiang Cheng started heading for the exit.

"I'm sick of this room," he said, pushing Wei Wuxian aside as he passed him. "I'm going outside."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You can't walk very far yet, can you?"

"Only because I'm trapped in here."

Wei Wuxian followed him into the hallway. "When you say outside, do you mean outside or just out of your room?"

"Outside," Jiang Cheng said curtly.

"You can't go that far! Look at you! You're already sweating!"

"No I'm not! Stop nagging me."

"Do what you want, but don't blame me if you break your leg again."

Sure enough, they hadn't even made it to the next hall before Jiang Cheng started to slow down. His skin shone with sweat and he panted like he'd run to Qishan and back.

"Ready to admit that you can't make it?" Wei Wuxian asked flippantly.

"Fuck off."

As he spoke, Jiang Cheng began to tip dangerously to one side. Wei Wuxian rushed forward, but Jiang Cheng caught himself on the wall. His arm trembled as he rested there.

"I don't want to be in here anymore," he said hoarsely.

"I understand, but you're not going to make it outside."

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "I can't stand it."

"Pretty soon you won't be standing," Wei Wuxian pointed out. "Why don't we turn back while you might have a chance of making it?"

"No."

"Uh, okay. What do you want me to do? Carry you outside?"

Jiang Cheng shot him a testy look.

"All right!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed, holding up his hands. "I just don't know what you plan to do here, though."

"Rest. For a moment."

"Okay."

Wei Wuxian stood nearby as Jiang Cheng continued to lean against the wall, breathing heavily. Thankfully, Luo Qingyang had maintained the order to keep these halls cleared so as to keep disturbances outside Jiang Cheng's room to a minimum.

So, they didn't have to worry about nosy passersby. Jiang Cheng could save some face.

But as they stood there, his breathing only became more ragged and the trembling of his arm had reached his legs.

"Damn it," Jiang Cheng grumbled.

While he still had the strength to do so in a controlled manner, he lowered himself awkwardly to the ground without bending his splinted leg and spun to put his back to the wall.

"Are you all right?" Wei Wuxian asked as Jiang Cheng shut his eyes. He knelt to be at the same level.

Jiang Cheng fixed him with an annoyed look before tipping his head back again.

"I'm fine," he wheezed. "I need time."

"You look tired," Wei Wuxian said, noticing the dark circles under his eyes now that they were in the bright hallway, "like you haven't been sleeping."

"I haven't been."

Wei Wuxian frowned. "Yes you have! For a couple days there, any time anyone checked on you, you were sleeping! Have you been faking?"

"No," Jiang Cheng said. "I'm not faking. I sleep in short stretches."

"A lot of short stretches!"

"Yes, a lot of short stretches," Jiang Cheng snapped. "It's all I can manage."

"Is it pain?" Wei Wuxian asked. "If you're painful, you could have said something. The doctors could add-"

"I'm not painful," Jiang Cheng said shortly. "I just can't sleep."

Wei Wuxian remained crouched there, studying him and debating whether or not to say anything more.

At last, he tentatively said, "Nightmares?"

Jiang Cheng wrinkled his nose. "You make it sound so childish."

"I didn't intend to."

"Tch."

With immense difficulty, Jiang Cheng picked himself back up. He hadn't fully regained his breath and by the time he was standing again, he was panting nearly as hard as he had been before. But that didn't stop him.

He turned around and started the short but arduous trek back to his room. Wei Wuxian maintained his distance. He would only help if absolutely necessary, and even then, Jiang Cheng wouldn't be pleased if he swooped in.

"Watch your step," Wei Wuxian advised as Jiang Cheng crossed the threshold.

Despite the warning, he didn't lift his foot high enough. The toe of his shoe caught on the slight rise, and he stumbled forward.

Seeing that he was going to fall, Wei Wuxian came to help. He caught the wrist of his good arm and held him up, allowing Jiang Cheng to steady his feet beneath him.

Wham!

Jiang Cheng ripped his arm out of Wei Wuxian's grasp and struck him hard across the face. Wei Wuxian careened backward, clutching his mouth as blood trickled down his lip.

"What the fuck, Jiang Cheng?!" he cried.

He caught a glimpse of the terror on Jiang Cheng's face before it quickly shifted to surprise to regret to imperious denial.

"Watch yourself," Jiang Cheng said hotly, panting from the effort of walking and now striking him. "You shouldn't grab people."

"I was helping you!" Wei Wuxian bellowed, wiping the blood with the back of his sleeve. "Why'd you hit me like that?!"

"Because you put your hands on people too often. I'm teaching you a lesson."

"No you're not! You didn't even see me! I could tell! You saw something else or someone else! You didn't know it was me!"

"Of course I knew it was you! Who else would it be?!"

"And you hit me that hard for helping you? Seriously?"

"Well…" Jiang Cheng said, faltering in his stubbornness. "I didn't need to hit you that hard, I suppose."

"You didn't need to hit me at all!" Wei Wuxian roared, gesticulating wildly. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"What? Do you want an apology?!"

"It'd be nice! Would an apology kill you?!"

"Fine! I'm sorry for hitting you!" Jiang Cheng screamed at him.

"It's okay!" Wei Wuxian yelled back. "Just don't do it again!"

"Then don't grab me!"

"Okay! I won't!"

"Okay!"

They stood face to face, glaring at each other for a while. When Jiang Cheng's legs began to quake again, Wei Wuxian finally spoke, albeit, at a much more appropriate volume.

"Why don't you go take a seat?"

"Don't tell me what to do."

And yet, he trudged over and sat down. When Jiang Cheng dropped his gaze to readjust the splint on his leg, sweat dripped from the end of his nose into his lap.

"I can't remember the last time I've taken so long to heal," he muttered. "I want out of here."

Wei Wuxian walked over and eased himself into the chair by the bed.

"I meant it when I said I would carry you outside if you wanted," he said.

Jiang Cheng snorted. "Yeah, I know."

He wiped his face with the back of his sleeve. As he did so, his cuff rolled back, revealing scratches around his wrists. Discreetly, Wei Wuxian studied Jiang Cheng's nails, noting the faint red staining around them. It looked like he'd been clawing at his own skin.

"Why'd you hit me?" Wei Wuxian asked quietly.

Jiang Cheng put his arm down and scowled. "I said 'I'm sorry'. What more do you want?"

Wei Wuxian fiddled with Chenqing at his waist. "You never told me what happened to you when you were captured by the Wens. Why not?"

He didn't know why he was asking now. He'd already made up his mind not to. It felt like a mistake. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to shut his damn mouth.

Jiang Cheng visibly tensed. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, everything, right? You used to react like this back then too. I just haven't seen it in a while."

"Wei Wuxian," Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth, clutching the edge of the bed tightly, "what exactly do you want?"

"I don't know," Wei Wuxian muttered.

"What did Luo Qingyang tell you?"

"Nothing."

"What did she tell you?!"

Loud and angry as he was, Jiang Cheng wouldn't look at him. He shouted at the floor.

"She's kept your secret," Wei Wuxian assured him, "whatever it is."

"So why are you asking me this? You never did before."

"Maybe I should have."

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "No, you shouldn't have. You were right the first time around. You were right about everything the first time around."

Wei Wuxian wrung his hands. He didn't know how to do this.

Why hadn't he tried before, when it didn't feel like there was a whole ocean between them?

"Luo Qingyang knows, but you never told me?" Wei Wuxian said.

"You think I told Luo Qingyang anything?" Jiang Cheng spat. "Seriously, what did she say to you?"

" Nothing."

"You talked about something out there."

"She told me to ask you about this!"

"Why?"

"Because of what just happened!" Wei Wuxian yelled.

Jiang Cheng wiped his face with his sleeve again. His eyes remained trained on the floor.

"What do you mean?" Jiang Cheng demanded.

Wei Wuxian sighed. "She told me I should try to get you to talk about this. She's worried you're a danger to the people around you."

"So because I hit you, I'm a danger?" Jiang Cheng said sharply. "No one said you had to be here. You can go. I can't hit you if you're not here."

"Why do you always have to twist things like that?"

"Twist things?!" Jiang Cheng repeated incredulously. "You're the one making claims about my character."

Wei Wuxian was starting to get frustrated.

"You didn't even see me, Jiang Cheng! It could have been anyone who grabbed you! It just happened to be me!"

"Why don't you say what you fucking mean," Jiang Cheng snarled.

Wei Wuxian leaned forward in his chair. His blood coursed hot in his veins.

"I mean that Jin Ling could have just as easily been the one to try to help you," he hissed.

Jiang Cheng finally met his gaze, his gray eyes stormy, his face flushed with rage.

"You think I've hit Jin Ling like that?" he asked, voice low and deadly.

"Well, have you?"

"Fuck you."

"Have you?!"

"Never," Jiang Cheng said firmly. "I wouldn't."

Wei Wuxian settled back a little in his seat.

It was as he'd predicted. Jiang Cheng wasn't going to tell him. He should stop pushing him and shut up before he got himself punched in the mouth again.

But Wei Wuxian had never been very good at giving up once he'd started something.

He waited until Jiang Cheng relaxed by the tiniest margin.

Then, he asked, "Did A-Li know?"

Immediately, that tiny amount of ease vanished.

"Let it go, Wei Wuxian," he growled.

"Please tell me."

Jiang Cheng noticed the waver in his voice and met his eyes, brow furrowed. "Why do you care?"

"Because I do," he said. "She was better than either of us. Surely you trusted her enough to confide in her, didn't you?"

Jiang Cheng's lip quivered and he swallowed hard. Wei Wuxian knew the answer before he ever gave it.

"I didn't," he said softly. "Maybe I should have. I think I owed it to her. Especially after I…"

He cut off and tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling as if gravity alone could hold the tears in his eyes.

"After what?" Wei Wuxian prompted him gently.

"I… I…" Jiang Cheng dropped his gaze back down to his hands. "I hit her too," he whispered. "Like I hit you."

"What?" Wei Wuxian said, dumbfounded.

"It was an accident! She did the same thing you did! She was trying to help, but she didn't know! I didn't know! I swear I didn't know it was her!"

Wei Wuxian started to reach out to put a hand on his shoulder, but then thought better of it and folded his hands in his lap.

"I know you didn't know it was her," he said. "You couldn't have."

"I would never hit her. Never."

"I know," Wei Wuxian soothed. "Who did you see?"

Jiang Cheng shook his head vigorously. "I can't. I can't do this."

"Was it Wen Zhuliu? Wen Chao? Wang Lingjiao?"

"Stop."

"Talk to me, Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian coaxed. "You used to talk to me."

"We aren't what we used to be," Jiang Cheng said, tears falling freely down his cheeks. "And besides, you never asked me before."

"You're right. We aren't what we used to be. So, I'm asking you now."

But he continued to shake his head. His fingers gripped the bedframe so tightly his knuckles were white.

"I can bear your hatred," Jiang Cheng said. "Hell, I asked you for it. But I can't bear the way you would look at me if I told you. I can't bear your disgust."

"Disgust?" Wei Wuxian repeated, confused. "What disgust could I feel? Whatever happened to you at the hands of those people wasn't your fault. Any disgust I feel is for them, not you."

"Then why did you never ask me before?" Jiang Cheng asked, his voice hardly more than a whisper. "Did you not suspect? Isn't that why you didn't want to know? You didn't want to confirm it?"

Wei Wuxian leaned forward again. "I didn't ask because I didn't want to make you relive it," he said. "And because, after a while, I realized that I didn't want to know. Whatever happened to you happened because I failed to protect you like I promised your parents that I would. I was selfish. I didn't want to know because I knew it would only make me feel worse."

Jiang Cheng laughed dryly. "It wasn't your fault. I ran off. It was my choice. And I had my reasons, but it wasn't your fault I was captured."

"It doesn't feel that way," Wei Wuxian whispered. "Let me make it right. Please talk to me."

"I can't."

"You can. It wasn't your fault. What are you so ashamed of?"

Jiang Cheng balled his hands into fists. He rocked a little, forward and backward, like he would when he was truly distressed about a decision.

Was he actually considering telling him?

"Please, Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian said gently, hoping that if he was careful, he might be able to persuade him to talk.

"For years, I thought Wen Qing had told you," Jiang Cheng whispered. "I thought you pretended not to know because it was too shameful to be uttered aloud again. I thought you were trying to act like it had never happened, just like I was."

The dread that had eaten away at the back of his mind since the start of their conversation now grew tenfold. Wei Wuxian hadn't suspected anything specific back then, during the Sunshot Campaign, but he was starting to now.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Wei Wuxian said. "You can tell me if you want."

Jiang Cheng gave a hollow laugh. "'If you want,'" he said mockingly. "I already told you that I didn't want to tell you."

"It might help to say it."

"I don't think so."

Wei Wuxian let out a long breath.

That was that. He'd tried, but Jiang Cheng wasn't going to say a word.

"A danger to others," Jiang Cheng muttered. "Luo Qingyang really thinks talking is going to solve all my problems, huh?"

Wei Wuxian shrugged.

"Has it solved all of yours?" Jiang Cheng asked savagely. "Do you sleep through the night? Do you not still wake ready to fight for your life?"

"I do wake," Wei Wuxian admitted. "Some twenty years later and I still do. But talking helps."

Jiang Cheng scoffed.

"Really," Wei Wuxian insisted. "I have Lan Zhan. And before that, I had you and A-Li."

"You didn't tell me everything," Jiang Cheng said. "And I'm willing to bet that you didn't tell A-Li everything either."

"No, but maybe I should have."

"Hm."

A heavy silence fell between them. Before long, Wei Wuxian began to fidget. He wondered if he should leave or maybe try to get Jiang Cheng to eat something. At the very least, he needed to open the curtains in the window. The darkness was stifling.

When he got to his feet, though, Jiang Cheng spoke again.

"You were wrong," he said.

"About what?" Wei Wuxian asked.

"It was my fault."

Slowly, Wei Wuxian lowered himself back down. "No, it wasn't."

"It was," Jiang Cheng said firmly. "I didn't… I didn't fight back like I should have. I didn't fight at all."

"That's okay," Wei Wuxian said. "There were many of them. There was nothing you could do."

"There weren't many of them!"

"What do you mean?"

Jiang Cheng drew in a shaky breath. He rocked slightly backward and then forward.

"After they beat me," he murmured, "and after Wen Zhuliu crushed my golden core, Wen Chao sent everyone else away."

A sick feeling settled in Wei Wuxian's gut, but he didn't dare interrupt as Jiang Cheng continued to speak to the floor.

"He told them to finish the preparations for his journey to… wherever. I don't remember," Jiang Cheng said. "He said he only needed a moment to make sure I was secure where I was, but he told them no one was to enter until he said it was okay."

He was getting quieter and his words were becoming harder to interpret. Zidian sparked and popped. Wei Wuxian leaned forward further, watching his lips carefully to understand what he was saying.

He wouldn't make him repeat himself. He had to understand the first time.

"He said he would make sure I was utterly worthless," Jiang Cheng breathed. "Even without my core, I would still have my blood. So he said he would make sure I would never want to - he – I don't understand why. He was planning on killing me anyway. So why-?"

His voice broke. Wei Wuxian had to try very hard to stay where he was. Whether he wanted to put an arm around him or leave before he could finish his account, he didn't know. But he suspected neither would be welcomed. So, he stayed right where he was.

"I should have fought him," Jiang Cheng went on eventually. "Golden core or no, I should have fought until I gave him no choice but to kill me. But I didn't. I just… I gave up. I don't know why. I don't know why!"

"You were half-dead when Wen Ning delivered you to me," Wei Wuxian said. "You had nothing left."

"Half-dead isn't dead, though, is it?!" Jiang Cheng cried. "I had something left! I should have fought him! I should have died!"

"Don't say that."

"I'LL SAY WHAT I WANT!" Jiang Cheng screamed. "IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF I'D DIED! THEN HE… then he… he wouldn't have… he…"

Jiang Cheng couldn't say it. He was walking right up to the line, but he wouldn't cross it, even though it needed to be crossed. At this point, someone needed to say it.

"Wen Chao," Wei Wuxian said, spitting out that name with more malice than he'd ever said it, "did he… force himself on you?"

Jiang Cheng's face twisted. He wrinkled his nose, clenched his jaw tight, and squeezed his eyes shut. He rocked forward a little further, almost like he was going to be sick.

Then, very slowly, as a cascade of violet sparks fell from Zidian to the floor, he nodded.

Wei Wuxian's throat tightened. He couldn't draw breath. Even so, he rose shakily from his seat. Jiang Cheng turned his face away, though he hadn't been looking at him to begin with.

"Think what you will of me," Jiang Cheng murmured. "It's your disgust I deserve anyway. If I owed A-Li the truth, then I owed it to you too."

Wei Wuxian knelt on the floor in front of him. Jiang Cheng scooted away.

Wen Chao… that fucking monster!

Of course he'd sent the others out. He would have been shunned for what he'd done if anyone else knew of it, especially Wen Zhuliu, who liked to deceive himself by acting like he had upstanding morals.

He would have stopped him if he'd been there. But he also wouldn't disobey a direct order to step outside. Maybe he knew what Wen Chao was going to do, and he told himself that he was released from all responsibility to intervene because he'd been ordered outside.

If anyone had known for sure what Wen Chao had done, Wen Chao would have disgraced himself and his father too. But he'd made sure no one would know. Jiang Cheng couldn't tell anyone without disgracing himself.

That sick, vile monster.

The red around Jiang Cheng's wrists… the way he fought when someone grabbed him there… had Wen Chao tied him down like that?

Wei Wuxian couldn't bear to think about it, but his mind wouldn't stop. He kept seeing Jiang Cheng, young and afraid and in more pain than he'd experienced in his entire life – and all because Wei Wuxian hadn't kept his promise.

Why couldn't he ever keep his fucking promises?

"Don't tell-"

"Never," Wei Wuxian breathed. "I'll never tell another soul. Do you understand me?"

Jiang Cheng shrugged defeatedly. "Probably wouldn't matter if you did. For some reason, people don't tend to take you at your word."

Wei Wuxian laughed a little. "That's true."

He reached out tentatively to place his hand over Jiang Cheng's. Surprisingly, Jiang Cheng didn't pull away.

"I'm not disgusted by you," Wei Wuxian said firmly. "Wen Chao, yes. But not you. It wasn't your fault. I should have been the one captured. You never should have had to deal with this."

"Why?" Jiang Cheng asked angrily. "Why should it have been you? You would have handled it better? You would have fought harder? Is that it?"

"Of course not," Wei Wuxian said. "You were outnumbered and tortured within an inch of your life. I would have been just as powerless. But I was supposed to look after you. So, it should have been me. If it had to happen to one of us, it should have happened to me. I'm so sorry. I-"

He was starting to lose control of his voice. He stopped before he could start to quaver. And though his eyes were burning, he refused to let his tears fall. Wei Wuxian had no right to be upset. Not here.

"I ran off," Jiang Cheng said. "It was my own fault. I should have fought-"

"Wen Chao should have choked on his tongue," Wei Wuxian interrupted viciously. "The blood beneath his skin should have revolted against him. He should have been sliced into a thousand disgusting little ribbons. That foul dog deserves to spend eternity in hell. Let him see every level in an endless cycle! Let him never be reborn! I swear-!"

Jiang Cheng scoffed. "You never believed in all that. Why the change in tune? Did you see it yourself?"

There was a note of worry in his question, like Jiang Cheng didn't want to think that Wei Wuxian would have suffered torment in hell.

"I don't remember a single thing after death," Wei Wuxian said. "But I'll believe in all of that stuff if it means Wen Chao will be punished as he deserves."

"You did a pretty good job punishing him yourself," Jiang Cheng said, the hint of a vengeful smile tugging at his lips. "I only wish I could have done it all myself and watched him scream."

"I should have delivered him to you," Wei Wuxian muttered regretfully. "You were so busy back then, I didn't want to trouble you yet."

"I don't think I would have been so creative with him. I can only complain so much. It's not like I didn't get a chance for revenge at the end."

"Was it enough?"

Jiang Cheng finally looked at him. "Enough for what it was," he said. "I saw him die. I knew he was dead. That helped."

Wei Wuxian bowed his head. He'd known that was the case anyway. Jiang Cheng had been testy during the Sunshot Campaign. He ate little and slept less. Wei Wuxian hadn't been much better himself, so he'd chalked it up to the horrors of war, which he supposed it still was.

But if the torture and killing of Wen Chao wasn't enough to free Jiang Cheng of his shame, Wei Wuxian didn't know what more to do. He didn't know what words to say or what help to offer. It felt like he was standing helpless outside Lotus Pier once again. But this time, there would be no Wen Ning to come deliver Jiang Cheng to him.

No one else would help. No one else could help.

"Get off the floor," Jiang Cheng said gruffly. "You look like an idiot."

"Sure."

He picked himself up and turned back toward his chair. But then, he paused.

"Jiang Cheng?"

"What?"

"Could I sit next to you instead?"

Jiang Cheng laughed harshly. "You didn't ask permission to annoy me while I slept. Why are you asking permission now?"

"I... don't know."

"Don't do that," Jiang Cheng said sharply.

"Do what?"

"Treat me differently. Your pity is worse than your disgust."

"I didn't…"

He trailed off, realizing that he didn't have a good argument.

"I'm not some fragile thing," Jiang Cheng said.

"Good," Wei Wuxian said brightly. "In that case…"

He spun around, walked over to the bed, and plopped down next to Jiang Cheng, who proceeded to grumble about him sitting too close. He threw his arm around his shoulders and again, Jiang Cheng complained. He elbowed him a little, trying to push him away, but Wei Wuxian didn't budge. Jiang Cheng gave up with a long sigh.

"Careful what you wish for," Wei Wuxian said jokingly.

"Yeah I'm getting that."

They sat like that for a moment or two. The room was still depressingly dark and Jiang Cheng was still breathing a little heavier than usual after his ill-conceived plan to go outside.

"I shouldn't have told you any of that," Jiang Cheng whispered. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Wei Wuxian squeezed his shoulders lightly. "No one will hear it from me. Ever. I swear-"

"Don't make another promise to me."

"You're right," Wei Wuxian said sadly. "My promises feel like a guarantee of the opposite, don't they?"

Jiang Cheng didn't answer for a while. He kept his eyes trained on the wall opposite him.

"You aren't the only one to break their promises," he said eventually.

Wei Wuxian frowned. Was he talking about himself? He couldn't remember any promise that Jiang Cheng had made to him that he'd broken, except perhaps that he would chase away dogs. But Wei Wuxian had always assumed that was just revenge for his own broken promises.

"We never told you," Jiang Cheng said softly. "But A-jie and I swore to each other to look out for you."

"What do you mean?" Wei Wuxian asked. "Why would you two need to look after me? I've looked after myself fine."

"She and I… well… we noticed how you talked about Lan Wangji."

"What?!"

Jiang Cheng pinched the bridge of his nose. "You weren't exactly secretive about it. I caught you looking at him all the time in class!"

"That was because I was trying to figure out how to mess with him!"

"Even now, you would deny that you fancied him? Seriously?"

Wei Wuxian's mouth twitched. "You're telling me that you and A-Li assumed I was a cut sleeve back then and promised to look out for me? Is that what you're saying?"

Jiang Cheng nodded. "I broke my promise to her. I-"

He cut off as Wei Wuxian burst out laughing.

"What the fuck," Jiang Cheng said angrily, pushing his arm off his shoulder. "I'm serious. I'm trying to talk to you, like you said I should, and you're making fun?"

"No, I'm not making fun," Wei Wuxian said, wiping the corner of his eye. "It's just – she and I made the same promise to each other… about you."

"What?" Jiang Cheng breathed.

He turned to look at him, utterly shocked.

"Are you going to deny it too?" Wei Wuxian teased. "You weren't very secretive about it either. You told me off for asking whether Lan Zhan was good-looking because every Lan is good-looking. But there was only one Lan I noticed you paying attention to. You would stare at Lan Xichen when we passed him. Except you didn't even have the excuse of trying to mess with him. You used to be overly polite whenever you two spoke. It was weird."

Jiang Cheng opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water.

"I don't remember that," he said at last.

"And I have the bad memory?!" Wei Wuxian cried. "I caught you once! When it was your turn to sneak in contraband. It was taking you a long time, so I went to track you down."

"Yes," Jiang Cheng said slowly. "I remember that. I was never as good as you were at scaling the walls. I slipped and fell."

"Sure, that slowed you down too," Wei Wuxian said. "But that's not where I found you."

Jiang Cheng furrowed his brow. "Yes, you did. You found me outside the wall."

"Nooo," Wei Wuxian said. "I found you outside the library pavilion, watching Lan Xichen read. Again, it was really weird."

"No, that can't be right. I don't remember that."

"I remember it clear as day," Wei Wuxian said confidently. "There are few things I have been more sure of."

"Why don't I remember it?"

Wei Wuxian laughed. "Pretty as he is, I can't imagine watching Lan Xichen read was as memorable for you as it was for me to find you there. You were all red-faced and spluttering about your tumble from the wall and how you were only there looking for a book even though you were nowhere near the shelves and there was no reason for you to be perusing literature when you had everyone waiting for you in the dormitories."

Jiang Cheng seemed to be having the hardest time grappling with what Wei Wuxian was saying to him. His face was screwed up, thinking hard.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm positive," Wei Wuxian said. "I wrote it off as a passing fancy, though – something you grew out of when you got older. Hard to imagine you would still fawn over Zewu-jun when you said those things about me and Lan Zhan."

Jiang Cheng's gaze dropped to the floor. His cheeks flushed. "I shouldn't have said those things."

"Doesn't matter to me," Wei Wuxian said casually. "It only makes you seem the fool now."

Jiang Cheng's eyes shimmered. Wei Wuxian kicked himself internally. They'd moved on to a happier topic and somehow he'd even messed that up?

"No, it's not that big a deal," Wei Wuxian said hastily. "It's fine. Nothing to worry about. Really."

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "I didn't remember liking him before," he said softly.

"I'm sure Zewu-jun won't take it to heart! He's very forgiving!"

"No," Jiang Cheng said, "you don't understand. All this time, I thought…"

"Thought what?"

"I thought he made me this way… poisoned me."

"Zewu-jun?"

"No, Wen Chao," Jiang Cheng said shakily. "I didn't remember liking Lan Xichen before. I thought when he… I thought he poisoned me somehow."

Comprehension dawned on him then. He carefully wrapped his arm around him again.

"You've always liked Lan Xichen," Wei Wuxian said firmly. "That vile excuse for a man had nothing to do with it. Trust me. He doesn't have the power to change your heart."

Jiang Cheng nodded silently. But Wei Wuxian heard the quiet patter of teardrops on his lap.

Eventually, Jiang Cheng spoke again in a small voice, "When you figure out how to erase memories, would you take these from me?"

A lump formed in Wei Wuxian's throat. "You'll be the first," he said. "I'll even test it on you if you want. Maybe we'll knock out some random things you don't need too. Surely you don't need to remember falling off the wall in Gusu."

Jiang Cheng chuckled. "You can test it on yourself first."

"Coward."

"Asshole."

Jiang Cheng shifted in place. And Wei Wuxian could have sworn that when he settled down again, he was leaning against him ever so slightly. So, Wei Wuxian decided to take a risk and rested his cheek against the top of his head.

Very rarely had they ever sat so close like this. Only when they were terrified in the night as children.

Wei Wuxian expected him to tell him off or elbow him away, but he didn't. Jiang Cheng actually leaned against him a little more.

"I've missed you too, you know," Wei Wuxian whispered.

"About time you admitted it."

Wei Wuxian snorted.

Jiang Cheng's breathing steadied at last. As they sat there, his breaths became slower and deeper, and he started to lean more heavily against Wei Wuxian. His shoulder was beginning to dig into his side.

"Jiang Cheng?" Wei Wuxian murmured. "Jiang Cheng? Are you awake?"

"Mhm."

"You seem tired. I'm sure we have some suan zao ren left. I could-"

"No," Jiang Cheng mumbled. "It doesn't stop the dreaming. It only keeps me from waking."

"Okay, well, do you want me to go so you can sleep?"

"No."

Wei Wuxian frowned, thought for a moment, and then said, "Do you want me to stay so you can sleep?"

Jiang Cheng shrugged. Wei Wuxian smiled.

"All right, why don't you lie down?" he suggested, gently pulling Jiang Cheng away to relieve the pressure in his side. "I'll stay for a while… if you take a couple bites of food."

Jiang Cheng lifted his head to shoot him a dirty look.

"I'm not hungry," he said sullenly.

"Do I look like I care?"

Jiang Cheng scowled and muttered something under his breath. When Wei Wuxian asked him to repeat it, he gestured rudely at him.

Shaking his head in annoyance, Wei Wuxian got to his feet and grabbed the heavily laden tray from the table. He brought it back around the bed and set it on Jiang Cheng's lap, causing him to wrinkle his nose.

"You heard what the-"

"-doctor said," Wei Wuxian finished for him in an insulting tone. "Yes, I did. They said it would be difficult for you to eat a lot at one time. But don't you remember them also saying it was important for you to eat regularly?"

Jiang Cheng looked the other way, grumbling even more than before.

"Two things," Wei Wuxian said, holding up two fingers as if Jiang Cheng didn't know how to count. "If you eat two things from that tray, I'll leave you alone. Deal?"

"One thing," Jiang Cheng countered.

"Fine, but it'll have to be one of the larger ones."

"Fine."

He pulled a bowl of soup toward himself and took a sip. He wrinkled his nose again.

"It's cold," he said.

"If you hadn't left it here for so long, it wouldn't be cold."

"Tch."

He picked at the soup. It took him nearly an hour to eat half of it.

Before long, Wei Wuxian was pacing around the room, peering out the window every once in a while. He was lost in thought.

Jiang Cheng yelled at him to stop moving around, but Wei Wuxian ignored him. He was trapped in his own head, unbothered by Jiang Cheng's annoyance.

It was only when his spoon clattered against the empty bowl that Wei Wuxian returned to the present.

"Don-"

"I think we should start that over," Wei Wuxian said before Jiang Cheng could finish speaking.

"What? No. I just finished it. You can't make me eat any more," Jiang Cheng argued.

Wei Wuxian waved him away irritably. "No, I'm not talking about that. I meant our promises to Yanli."

"What?"

"Look," Wei Wuxian said, taking up his seat by the bed again, "we both promised her that we would look out for each other, and we haven't really done that."

"Right…"

"So we should promise it to each other," Wei Wuxian said. "I think that's what she would have wanted."

He knew it sounded stupid when he'd said it. Jiang Cheng looked at him like he'd sprouted another head. Then, he looked annoyed.

"What part of 'don't make promises to me' did you not understand?"

"You're right," Wei Wuxian said. "I don't know what I was thinking. That's all in the past anyway."

Jiang Cheng lifted the tray off of his legs and set it next to him on the bed. His brow was lightly furrowed, lips pursed.

"Did you know she was going to make me apologize to you after we fought over your decision to defect?" Jiang Cheng said slowly.

"No. I didn't know that."

"That's when I made that." He pointed at the clarity bell on Wei Wuxian's belt. "I was trying to get out my frustration. It didn't work. So I never gave it to you."

Wei Wuxian didn't know what to say. He was both touched and a little annoyed by what Jiang Cheng had admitted.

"I think you're right," Jiang Cheng went on. "She would want us to swear it to each other. She always wanted us to learn how to figure things out on our own."

"Really? You don't think it's stupid?"

"I just said it's what A-Li would have wanted," Jiang Cheng snapped. "You think I'd call her stupid?"

"No, I guess not," Wei Wuxian said, shifting in his seat.

"But... call it an oath instead."

"What?"

"Don't call it a promise," Jiang Cheng said louder. "We should call it an oath. Maybe that'll mean more to us."

"All right then," Wei Wuxian replied, spirits soaring.

He held a hand over his heart. Jiang Cheng did the same.

"I vow to look out for you the way that A-Li-"

Jiang Cheng kicked at him.

"What the hell?" Wei Wuxian said.

"Don't lie to me right at the start like that. You can't live up to her. Neither can I."

"Fair enough." He started again. "I vow to look out for you like I always should have. As a shixiong would for his shidi."

Jiang Cheng snorted.

"What?" Wei Wuxian snapped. "What problem did you have with that one?"

"First of all, I'm a sect leader. I'm no one's 'shidi'. Second, you're not really affiliated with any clan. And third, I'm technically older than you now anyway."

"Older than-?! Fine, if that's how you wanna play it," Wei Wuxian said. "Let me rephrase: 'as a young man should for an old man.'"

"Oh you're dead!"

Jiang Cheng kicked at him again, but Wei Wuxian scooted away easily.

"You're not off to a good start with your oath!" Wei Wuxian teased.

"I haven't said it yet," Jiang Cheng replied. "Come here so I can kick you and be done with it."

"No way!"

"All right then."

In one swift motion, Jiang Cheng pushed his boot off with his other foot and flung it at Wei Wuxian. He tried to move out of the way, but the arm of the wooden chair caught him in the side. Jiang Cheng's boot thudded against his chest and then tumbled down onto the floor.

"Ass," Wei Wuxian muttered, rubbing his irritated stab wound.

Jiang Cheng smirked at him.

He then placed a hand over his heart and said, "I vow to look after you like I always should have."

New words hung in the air between them. Their ocean of separation looked a little more like a lake.

Something told them, as they settled down so Jiang Cheng could try to sleep, that these words were different from the others.

This oath was going to last.