A/N: I'm alive! I won't get into all the details of why it has been long. I'm just happy to be here.
I do want to thank you all for your continued support. If it hadn't been for the occasional message in my inbox expressing the love for this story and asking me to continue it, I don't think I would have found the energy to pick up my pen – keyboard? – again.
This is for you just as much as it is for me! And I'm hoping I can ride out the wave I'm currently feeling to continue working on this story. I've also edited the tags slightly as I'm scratching and reshaping some later parts of the story. I hope to keep myself going by just posting a chapter when I feel good about it, even if they are a little less lengthier than my old standards.
I hope you are all still doing well too! If you are looking for updates about me or the story in between the posts, the quickest way to reach me or my betas (who also know quite a bit) is through the ATOV discord, in the channel aleteias-fics: discord dot gg slash 949RAvdk3w . I can also be reached on my Tumblr: aleteia-ff
Chapter 16 – The Space Between Us
It had not been Hiccup's intention to scheme. Not necessarily.
"Hi, Hiccup."
But he could not deny that even though his heart skipped a beat at Astrid's slightly awkward greeting, he was not surprised that she'd chosen this particular day to visit him in the arena.
Two days after his class had grown to a grand total of five people, and rumours on Berk about his expanding entourage were undoubtedly already spiralling wildly.
He turned around and couldn't help but smile as he finally caught sight of her. She looked at least as beautiful as the last time he'd seen her, the afternoon sun lighting up part of her hair, bleaching it until it nearly turned white.
She was ethereal, and he did not know how he hadn't anticipated that she would always, forever, be his undoing.
If only she'd undone the Phantom.
"Hey," he greeted her, patting Toothless's head as she walked towards him. So he wouldn't try to scoop her up into his arms.
"I'm sorry I haven't been able to come to see you earlier," she apologised, copying his tactic when Stormfly bumped into her, enthusiastically nuzzling Astrid's head. When their initial cuddles were done, she continued. "My parents were too busy to watch Hamish, Tuffnut's here and helping Ruff, Stoick is -"
"Not my concern, really," he shrugged, then gave her a lopsided smile. "I'm just happy you're here."
"Likewise," Astrid smiled back.
They stood there for a moment, attending to their respective dragons while sneaking a glance every now and then. It reminded Hiccup of the first days they'd shared on Phantom Island, when Astrid flipped between looking like she could drink his blood and eyeing him with curiosity. There had been a tenderness in her eyes even then.
With all the nights they'd spent in the arena, he'd never gotten a proper look at them. Initially he'd simply assumed they still looked like 15-year-old Astrid's. A grim determination within them, resembling a girl eager to prove to the world, but mostly to herself, that she could be the best of them. As a teen he hadn't realised that there had also been an insecurity in them, and that she wasn't as indestructible as she wanted to seem.
The Astrid he'd gotten to know on Phantom Island however had grown beyond her youth. Her eyes had burnt with a fiery passion and confidence, a need to do what was right, at the cost of herself if need be.
At the cost of their life together.
A cold feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he realised that, looking at her now, her eyes were no longer the same. Although they were still as gorgeously blue as they'd always been, they no longer held the same fiery depths.
She had chosen to conceal that from him. A new skill for someone like her, who'd always worn her heart on her sleeve.
"So," Astrid broke him out of his reverie. "How's dragon training?"
"It's been… interesting, I suppose. At least some people showed up."
"I heard. Somehow you even managed to recruit the Ingerman twins," Astrid smiled, a question audible in her voice.
"I went to look for Gobber, and the twins were there, so I offered them the spot," he shrugged. "They seem nice enough." He scoffed. "Unlike their dad. When we were kids, Sluglegs was always such -"
"An ass, I know," Astrid snickered. "Between you and me, he still is. I highly doubt he'll be happy with this situation. Never been very pro-dragon, or pro-you, for that matter."
"So you're saying the kids are merely here to rebel against their father?" He gasped. "The horror!"
Astrid shook her head, smiling. "Not everyone can be an easy teenager like you."
"Yeah, you'd better watch out for Hamish if he takes after me as much as you said."
Astrid's face blanched as he realised his error, overly comfortable in their banter.
"Astrid…" he started, approaching her slowly.
"That's my worst nightmare, Hiccup," Astrid told him. "That he takes after you in that way."
"It takes a lot to mess up a kid that badly, Astrid," he tried to console her, urging to put his hand on her shoulder but unsure if he should approach. "That's a gift unique to Stoick the Vast."
"Your dad tried his hardest, Hiccup."
A denial came easy to him, venom already coating his tongue. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, swallowing it back down to stir with his other drops of unprocessed toxicity.
Progress, he supposed.
"Fishlegs seems to have a legitimate interest in dragons, at least," he continued, trying to change back the subject. "For the others I'm not yet sure whether their interest is genuine or if they're looking for an adrenaline boost."
"They could definitely use another hobby once the cold sets in and cliff diving to their almost-deaths is no longer an option," Astrid agreed. "But if I know them, there's at least some interest behind it."
"You're free to join as well, you know," he remarked. "I could definitely use an additional teacher."
"I don't have time for that, Hiccup."
"Why not?" he pushed as she looked away from him, focusing her attention back on Stormfly. "You also help your mother with her axe training sessions every morning."
Astrid's eyes were back on him as quickly as they'd left him, squinting slightly. "You've been spying on me, haven't you?"
There was no use in denying it. "What else am I supposed to do with my time? I don't have much to keep me busy outside of keeping Toothless and myself clothed, fed, and fit."
"And what has your diet been like, exactly?" Astrid pried.
Hiccup bit back a comment about her really sounding like a mom. "You know, the usual… fish. The odd berry here and there," he shrugged.
"That's not exactly varied."
"I figured you wouldn't appreciate me stealing from the bakers and the farmers around here. And I'm not quite that short on time that I've considered making my own." He puffed out his chest. " Phantom Bread, so good it'll give you a fright!"
Astrid shook her head, suppressing a smile. "That's what money is for."
He opened his hands at his sides, showing his empty palms. "Well, I hope you're not into rich men, because I'm basically penniless."
"I can help you with that, you know," she suggested. "I'm sure Stoick would also be more than happy to."
"To give me an allowance?" he scoffed. "I'm not a child."
Astrid sighed and rolled her eyes. "Being part of something also means allowing yourself to rely on other people's help."
"You're always welcome to help me take my mind off things," he offered, taking a step towards her.
Astrid's breath visibly hitched as he pointedly looked her up and down. "Hiccup…"
"Just to go flying," he smiled, putting up his hands in innocence. "No funny business."
He walked over to Stormfly and softly stroked the dragon's horn. "You wouldn't deny Stormfly that, now would you?"
Stormfly chirped and pounded her feet on the ground in clear agreement.
"Alright then," Astrid agreed, her face lighting up as she was met with Stormfly's enthusiasm. She confidently mounted the dragon as if they'd never been separated.
"Just one lap around the island," she warned him.
They ended up doing three before Astrid led them back down to the arena. His heart ached as she once again told him goodbye, leaving for the village and the life she didn't allow him to be a part of.
"She has to be flown often, you know," he called after her. "Stormfly. Else she might not be able to reconnect with you properly."
Astrid tilted her head, regarding him carefully. They both knew Stormfly wasn't having any issues, her independence one of the key characteristics she shared with her rider. "I'll do my best to make time," Astrid conceded.
"Every other day," he tried.
"Every three days," she negotiated back.
Sensing he shouldn't push it further, he agreed. "See you then."
As she started to walk away from him, he interrupted her once more. "Astrid?"
She paused. "Hmm?"
"May I hug you?"
Astrid deliberated, her front teeth sinking into her lower lip. She sucked in a breath, letting out a muttered agreement.
He crossed the remaining distance between them with quick strides and gathered her in his arms, her breath leaving her as he cradled her head to his chest.
His heart skipped a beat at her warmth, how she still fit so perfectly despite her initial reluctance.
The tension slowly left her posture as she relaxed against him and carefully hugged him back.
He decided then that this is what he had to be for her, if he ever wanted to get her back. He had to be her escape, to carry her away from the weight that had landed on her shoulders and that kept her visibly, mentally occupied even in these small moments they shared.
That had always been the Phantom's way. To offer her a glimpse of a world far away from her, filled with stories from faraway lands and countless dragons. That's how he had knowingly captured her heart - and accidentally fallen in love in return.
He could show her a world that was larger than the one she knew, that lifted her beyond the existence she had seemingly chosen for herself. To be his warrior queen, as she deserved to be. Of a world in which only she, Hamish and their dragons truly mattered.
He just had to stick it out on Berk long enough to show her that.
Three days later Hiccup found himself wandering around the arena, whistling to himself as he worked on the repairs of the arena's dragon cages - which he was rebranding to 'luxurious resorts' - since Brant and Brenda had brought him the components he needed at today's dragon training session.
All in all, it had been an alright day as far as days on Berk went. Brant and Brenda had brought their brother Shrug, who was two years their junior. He didn't say much, but also didn't seem to mind being present. Fishlegs had bombarded Hiccup with then thousand questions on the ins and outs of Toothless' saliva, while Heather had played fetch with Stormfly. Hiccup had only had to drag Tuffnut away from Toothless seven times after he'd climbed on top of the dragon's back, shouting at Toothless to "Ride like the wind, my phenomenal steed!" with the Night Fury looking back at him in a thoroughly unimpressed manner.
Progress came in all shapes, he supposed. At least no one had made the mistake of trying to chop Toothless's head off.
Aside from the dragon training - which had, without any of their explicit agreement, become a daily thing - it had only rained off and on for half of the day, which had given the pine trees adorning Berk's least-rocky areas a lovely sheen. A flock of birds had gathered above Berk's harbour to admire the latest fishing haul, discussing loudly among themselves who would obtain the best catch.
They were lucky the dragons hadn't found their way back to Berk yet.
Hiccup checked in on the dragons occasionally, but found that most of them still kept to their home on Dragon Island, finding some sense of comfort in the place they'd spent years in as captives, serving the queen.
He figured it was only a matter of time however before they'd regain their curiosity. He wasn't sure yet what he'd do at that point. Perhaps he just had to trust the dragons to know what was good for them and view Vikings as their natural enemies. He could set out a perimeter around Berk with Toothless and the other islands. But he could hardly be everywhere at once, and if he went away from Berk, he couldn't make sure Astrid and Hamish were okay, and then -
Toothless nudged his side, snapping him out of his musings and allowing him to focus back on the work at hand. One thing at a time.
He focused on the positive, resuming his whistling. Today was a good day after all. Because towards the end of training, Astrid had been there, watching him and honouring their promise. He'd quickly made it seem like their training session had almost been done for the day.
After the others had left they'd taken to the skies and flown out to the sea stacks a few miles out from Berk. He'd made her laugh with a story he'd heard about a mainland Viking who'd been very much in love with her husband but who'd requested a divorce regardless, because 'his boat was too big to dock in her harbour'. She had looked at him and smiled, and seemed to have forgotten the world for a bit.
And he chose not to dwell on how quickly she'd returned to her daily life afterwards.
He couldn't, because he was soon interrupted by a voice.
"What song is that?"
He whirled around, immediately guarded as he laid eyes on Stoick the Vast, who was looking down at him from the top layer of the arena.
He crossed his arms. "Some children's song from the South. Why are you asking?"
"I was merely curious. It sounded interesting."
"I never took you for a musician," he scoffed.
Stoick smiled slightly, then made his way down to the arena entrance. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."
The air between them was thick with awkwardness. Despite their agreement to be on better terms, Hiccup did not quite feel like having a talk about his 'feelings'.
"I'm fine. How's Berk doing? With their number one enemy of the state being back from his vacation and all."
Stoick wrung his hands together. "The people are… concerned."
"Understandably. So am I."
"But it helps that you're here rather than out and about in the village. Avoids any confrontation while also piquing their curiosity."
"And conveniently keeps me far away from Hamish," he muttered.
"Hiccup…" Stoick started. "You have to understand…"
"I understand, dad," he sighed. "I just don't like it."
"I'm sure it'll work out," Stoick tried to console him. "Just give her time."
He took a deep breath, turning back to his chore to retain his composure. Climbing on top of a Night Fury and flying away from a conversation was considered rude, after all.
"What are you here for?" he asked, his back towards Stoick. He heard the tell-tale sound of Toothless taking on a defensive position, sensing Hiccup's discomfort and ready to strike if needed.
"I'd like to offer my help," Stoick nevertheless continued. "Astrid mentioned you - understandably - don't have a lot of gold on your hands to help you in the day-to-day, so I thought -"
"Astrid mentioned that, did she? Do you talk behind my back often?"
"We try not to keep secrets from each other, Hiccup. Especially not about the well-being of our family -"
"Like I told you, I'm fine," he hissed, the mention of family stirring a deep discomfort within his chest. "And I don't need your charity."
"It's not charity," the Chief tried. "You can think of it as a wage of sorts."
He snorted. "For what? Abstaining from blowing up the village for a couple of weeks?" He did a flourish and took a deep bow. "It has been my pleasure."
You don't have to make a performance out of everything you do. But it was just so much more fun.
"You're teaching people how to interact with dragons, right? That could deserve some… compensation," Stoick pressed.
"Don't you think that sets a bad example? I thought we were trying to make it seem to Berk like I'm doing these things out of the goodness of my heart. Not to enrich myself."
"That's true…" his father pondered, ignoring the insinuations Hiccup had made regarding his intentions.
Perhaps he hadn't felt it strongly enough. Today had been a good day, after all. Up until now.
Stoick looked up at him, his face opening in genuine enthusiasm. "You could…"
Just wait until you spill a Nadder's guts for the first time! And mount your first Gronckle head on a spear! What a feeling!
Hiccup had missed the remainder of his father's words. He quickly shook his head, pushing down the memories of his father's most ardent attempts to connect. "I'm sorry?"
"Teach me how to train a dragon. Surely private lessons to the Chief should result in financial compensation."
"You?" he scoffed. "Chief of Berk, one of the Archipelago's most Viking-y villages? Who popped a dragon's head clean off its shoulders as a baby?"
"That story's hugely exaggerated -" Stoick defended, a slight redness creeping up his face.
"Tell that to the dragon who didn't live to tell the tale. You want to learn how to train a dragon?"
"Yes."
"Unbelievable."
"I mean it, Hiccup." Stoick's voice softened. "When I told you I want to get to know the man you've become, I meant it." He vaguely gestured at Toothless. "He seems to be an important part of your life. So I should give it a shot."
Hiccup looked at him, clenching his jaw. "If only you'd said that eleven years ago," he couldn't help but hiss.
"I know."
"What do you think life would have been like?" The question escaped him before he'd known it.
"I don't know." His father's face fell.
"Neither do I."
"I don't think I could've been that person," Stoick admitted, his voice vulnerable. "The kind of father you needed. Not without losing what was dearest to me first."
For one of the first times in his life, Hiccup did not know what to say to that. What to do with the emotions threatening to overwhelm him if he did not take back control of this moment right now.
"Alright then," he decided. "Prove it to me."
Before Stoick could ask his meaning, he continued. "Entrance exam for everyone who wants to learn more about dragons." He pointed at Toothless. "Touch him. Peacefully. Earn his trust, and you will have mine. For now."
Stoick looked between him and Toothless, apprehension crossing his face. For all the dragon experience Hiccup knew his father had, Night Furies were foreign to him.
The embodiment of lightning and death itself, in the flesh, watching the two Haddock men bicker with eager curiosity. His big green eyes flicked between the two of them, and he crooned, understanding his assignment.
He and Hiccup had been in this game together for long enough that Hiccup knew that Toothless wouldn't hesitate to bite his father's hand off if Hiccup wished it so.
It'd always been the two of them after all. And they'd been through worse.
Hiccup gave Toothless a short nod and turned back to his father. "It's very simple," he explained. "Dragons aren't animals to be commanded. You have to earn their trust, and let them come to you."
He lowered his voice. "Just copy me."
He took a deep breath, letting the tension flow out of his muscles as he exhaled. His father's eyes on him took him back to the cove all those years ago. The voice in the back of his head wondering what his father would think of him right now. The judgement he would pass upon his foolish actions.
But his father didn't say anything. He followed Hiccup's lead, eyeing him warily.
"Look away," Hiccup said, almost whispering. "Close your eyes. Slowly stretch out your palm. And just… wait."
He opened his own eyes to look at his father, who'd copied him exactly. And when Hiccup looked close enough, he saw one of Berk's rarest sights: the Chief's hand, trembling.
Toothless looked at Hiccup, familiar enough with the exercise by now to not think much of it. They judged the Viking's performance together; were they ready, or did they deserve to wait a little longer? To try again, with a little more conviction?
But Hiccup figured that this time, he could be merciful. His father had suffered his performances quite enough.
He nodded at Toothless, and the Night Fury promptly crossed the remaining distance, pushing his snout against the Chief of Berk's palm.
And Hiccup would be lying if he said it didn't feel a little bit magical to see one of the Archipelago's most notorious dragon killers open his eyes in wonder as Toothless let out a hum of approval.
Stoick retracted his hand as soon as Toothless made the sound, holding it to his chest.
And he smiled. An incredibly uneasy, nervous-looking smile. But a smile nonetheless.
"I think you've really always been the bravest of us all," his father breathed.
And when the Chief's eyes settled on him with something Hiccup had been told was supposed to be pride, he didn't know what to do with any of those feelings.
And now he would have to spend even more time with his dad.
Wonderful.