Luigi turned on the game console and pressed start. The beautiful game fired up, displaying the gorgeous image of the green one himself. His abs so luscious, his biceps so beefy...
"Why though?" the sophisticated mustached man questioned of himself. "Why do I gotta be so stinkin' attractive. I am a perfect 10 across the board."
This was semi-true. You see, Luigi was a 10 in many a category, but his left kneecap hotness was hitting a solid 9 at best. He was more so a 7.7 in that department.
Toad ran in on his yabba-dabba-doo gokart and howled absurd factoids about the economy. The mushroom lad was absolutely fuming!
Luigi unclicked his hat lid and bent down on one knee to speak with compassion to the visitor.
"Hey! Silence the yap! I'm trying to beat Bowser in a rap!" Mario hollered from down the hallway. He was the kind of red-shirt man who could not deal with the sounds of the living and breathing.
Luigi snorted and pulled out some leftovers from the freezer. He hurled them into the microwave and fried that sucker up.
"Those be some mad tasty beans. But they are unhealthy by any means!" Mario scolded with rage.
Yoshi popped out of the microwave. Apparently there were eggs in the beans and he had just hatched. It felt like the birth of a new age of elegance.
"Yoshi, can you please return to the microwave. I wish to consume my dinner, not converse with it," Luigi said with a tinge of haunting displeasure in his nasal cavities.
Yoshi wept. This was the end of his life as he knew it and his wife and children would be so sad and also weep.
All of a sudden, Monty Mole kicked open the front door and started screaming in Urdu.
Luigi thought the speech was magnificent and really highlighted the blights of the Mushroom Kingdom. He handed Monty a Nobel Peace Prize and smacked Yoshi's tongue silly.
Yoshi's tongue cracked in half. He never realised that he had incurred frostbite whilst living as an egg in the Mario Bros' freezer.
And speaking of the Bros...
"YO MARIO! Time to die by my killer rhymes!" the dastardly Koopa King roared as he entered the room with vast pecs of death and royalty.
The terrapin monarch's amazing son was there too. No, not Junior. It was Larry. Larry was wearing that rad shirt with the skateboarding skeleton on it.
Now THAT is how you make an entrance.
"YO YO YO! Let's throw down, bro!" Mario called as he beatboxed towards his fearsome foe.
"I am ready and raring to go, Mario!" Bowser taunted, turning his baseball cap backwards and switching on the boombox.
"YO YO! You might be the king, but you ain't got a ring. No queen for you, 'cuz you're loser stew!"
"Yeah, well, you look like a idiot," said Bowser.
The impact of the opponent's sick bars struck the plumber boy dead centre. He fell to the ground in slo-mo and all his limbs popped off.
Luigi screamed as his brother died.
Bowser laughed and stole Mario's limbs. He and Larry then booked it back to his castle in the sky.
Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, and Monty stared down at the sad state of the dead. They were all so deeply affected by today's events and could not believe Bowser could ever do something so evil. This had to be the worst thing ever since the time Brad Pitt refused to tip the waitress in that one movie with the swordfish scene.
Toad got an idea from the Brad Pitt moment. He ran to the tool shed and came back with a golden sabre. He swung it like a true swordsman and cried to the heavens for justice.
Luigi and Monty knew just what to do. They finished eating Yoshi and then barbecued his liver. Luigi broke the liver in half and gave one piece to each friend.
"Aight, let's talk the facts, mates," said the nosed green fellow. He displayed a map on the table and instructed his cohorts on their vengeance.
Monty hailed a taxi and the trio rode to Delaware: the site of the Koopa King's heinous flying castle.
Meanwhile, Bowser was sitting in his throne room, counting his big wads of cash. "I have at least 20 dollars!" laughed the big spiky man.
"Hey, Daddy-o, can we go to DQ?" asked Junior as he entered with a big sack of magazines.
"My son, what are you reading in that sack?" asked the father reptile.
Junior opened the sack and held up one of the contents. He flipped to the table of contents and then revealed it was the issue that taught the meaning of "contents". Bowser was content with this answer and gave his son a ticket to the Dang Queen.
"Not so fast, evildoers!" Luigi bellowed as he crashed through the wall with his two partners of power.
Bowser cackled with radical rasp. "You are too late, green guy! I already ate all of your brother's stupid limbs, bones and all. I reckon they are in the vicinity of my large intestine by now!"
"YOU LIE!" screamed Luigi. he powered up his green fireballs and shot Bowser's rug with it. The rug burnt like a decaying onion which caused thousands to tear up and die. This made Bowser super angered in his soul because he had spent at least 19 dollars on the gorgeous rug.
Toad spat into his portable spittoon and gripped his sabre with both hands. He charged towards Bowser and sliced his head off. Luigi, Toad, and Monty then played football with the head and scored 3 goals each.
All of a sudden, the brotherly limbs came out of Bowser's exposed esophagus and crawled over to Luigi. They grabbed onto his overalls and started singing their hymns of brotherhood.
"This is so cool," said Monty in Urdu. Nobody understood him, but Toad swore to get Google Translate on his iPhone next Tuesday. Everyone agreed that this was the most righteous thing to do.
And so, Luigi and the gang went to Bowser's hangar and stole his big dumb Clown Car. They drove back to the Mushroom Kingdom and returned the limbs to Mario's dead body.
Mario awoke from his death and thanked his dear brother for repairing him. Then he thanked deers for providing venison.
Bowser's head was by the window, watching the reunion unfold and he was so salty about the whole thing. "I won that rap battle fair and square, dirty plumber!"
Mario snickered and held up his business card. "If you're fixing to challenge me once more. Just call my name and I'll be at your front door!"
THE END