Chapter 23

Shadow Valley, Texas 1870

Despite her initial fears, dinner turned out surprisingly well. The chicken may have been a little dry and the potatoes a bit too lumpy, but she had to admit it wasn't bad given her limited knowledge in cooking, as well as using extremely rustic tools.

As Buck tucked the children into bed, Halona tackled the pile of dirty dishes on her own. Though Buck offered to help, she insisted on finishing them alone. The sound of dishes clinking against the sink in the quiet kitchen was oddly soothing.

When she finally emerged, a damp dishcloth draped over her shoulder, Buck sat by the fireplace with a book in his lap. However, she could tell from his gaze that he was more focused on her than the pages. Her heart swelled with warmth at this realization.

"I'm going to bed," she whispered, exhaustion evident in her voice.

Buck closed his book and smiled at her. "Thank you," he responded, his voice husky.

"For what?" she asked, tilting her head as she turned to face him.

"For dinner," he replied, with a lingering gaze that sent a shiver down her spine. "And for taking care of Isaac and Megan."

Halona gave a sheepish smile. "I hope you liked the chicken," she said. "It was either that or cheese sandwiches. I'm not much of a cook."

Buck chuckled warmly. "I appreciated it,"

"You're welcome," she managed, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks. "Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight, Hallie." he murmured softly in reply.

Halona rushed to the safety of her room, her heart pounding in her chest. Each thump echoed the chaotic turmoil within her. Why couldn't she have met someone like Buck in her own time? A man who was kind, strong, and had a heart of gold. Despair threatened to consume her. Was she truly stuck in this unfamiliar world, forever separated from the life she had known? The unfairness of it all tore at her.

Loving Buck, allowing him into her heart, felt like a betrayal. He deserved a love that wasn't burdened by impossible circumstances, he deserved a future filled with shared hopes and joys. The thought of denying him that, of causing him the pain of saying goodbye, was a torment worse than any she had experienced.

But living without his warmth, laughter, and support was an unbearable thought. Halona collapsed onto her bed, tears welling up in her eyes. How could she choose between the love she craved and the future he so rightfully deserved? Her breath caught as she heard Buck's footsteps drawing nearer. Every step on the creaky wooden floor sent shivers down her spine. Would he stop? Would he...? But the sound continued, fading away as he retreated down the hallway.

She waited until she heard the bedroom door close before she let out a long-awaited exhale. She leaned against the door for support, feeling trapped in this new life. It may have been free from the constant scrutiny of Hollywood, but it presented its own challenges. She was isolated, reliant on others, and unaccustomed to navigating this unfamiliar world.

Taking off her dress, Halona collapsed onto the bed and stared at the moonlight shining through the window. The creaking of floorboards from the next room caught her attention. Buck. Was he struggling too? Did he feel the same restless yearning that she did? The sound of his movement continued for a while before finally stopping. Halona lay there, listening to the quiet of the night, her frustration growing with each passing minute. This game they were playing, pretending to not want what they both desired, was pointless. The tension between them was building, and it would only continue if they didn't address it.

With a determined sigh, Halona threw back the covers and crept down the hallway. Her bare feet made a soft slapping sound against the cold floorboards as she approached Buck's door. She hesitated before pushing it open slightly. Moonlight flooded in, revealing his form on the bed. His steady breathing provided a sense of comfort in the stillness of the night.

"Buck?" She whispered.

He didn't move, but the subtle change in his breathing suggested he was awake. She inhaled deeply and crept into the room, shutting the door behind her with a soft click. She tiptoed towards the bed, her heart pounding in her chest. With hesitation, she slipped under the covers and cuddled up to him from behind, seeking warmth and connection. But Buck remained tense, his back turned away from her. A feeling of disappointment washed over Halona as she released her embrace and sat up.

"Are you upset?" Halona asked gently, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from Buck's forehead. His chestnut waves felt like silk against her fingertips.

Buck shifted slightly on the lumpy mattress, his expression a mix of pain and frustration in the pale moonlight filtering through the window. "No," he murmured, his voice rough with exhaustion and something more. "I'm not upset."

Halona studied the taut lines of his face, the slight downturn of his full lips. "Then what is it?" She prodded softly.

He let out a long, weary sigh that seemed to deflate his broad chest. "It hurts," he finally admitted, holding her searching gaze. "Knowing that you don't want to be here."

"Buck, it's not that." Halona's breath caught in her throat as despair welled up inside her. The weight of her impossible situation, the agonizing decisions looming ahead, threatened to crush her. She blinked back hot tears. "I don't know how long I'll be here. I don't know when... if I can go home." Her voice cracked with emotion.

"If given the choice, you wouldn't stay here," Buck's handsome features contorted with sadness and he reached out, cupping her cheek. "With me."

Halona's chest ached as she looked into the depths of his soulful eyes. "You don't understand," she stuttered, tears spilling over. "You don't know what you're asking me to give up..."

"I know you miss your old life. I can see it in your eyes, the longing and heartache you try to hide." His thumb stroked her cheekbone as he spoke softly, trying to soothe the growing rift between them. "I just don't know why you're pushing me away."

His raw words hung heavy in the air, laying bare the truth Halona had been desperately avoiding. She turned away from the naked emotion in his gaze, her heart pounding violently against her ribs.

"How can you be so cold?" There was an accusatory edge to Buck's gravelly voice now.

Halona whipped back around, anger flaring hot within her. "I'm not being cold," she retorted, voice rising defensively. "I'm being honest!"

In one swift movement, Buck grabbed her upper thigh and trailed his large hand up over the swell of her hip, bunching her thin chemise. He pulled her down onto her back on the sagging mattress and ripped the flimsy fabric open, baring her body to his heated gaze.

"Let's be honest then," he growled, desire and desperation darkening his eyes. "Is this why you came in here tonight?"

His lips descended on hers, devouring her mouth with an insatiable need. She could feel the strength in his grip as he pinned her wrists above her head, his fingers digging into her skin with an unyielding force. The intensity of his touch sent a surge of electricity through her body leaving her breathless. His mouth followed his hands, exploring every inch of her with a possessive intensity. She arched beneath him, lost in the sensations coursing through her veins. The way he gripped her hips told her that he was in control, and she willingly surrendered herself to him.

Expertly his skilled hand sought out the source of her pleasure. With gentle strokes, he caressed the sensitive flesh, eliciting gasps and moans from her trembling body. Without pause, he slipped one finger inside of her, sending waves of ecstasy coursing through every inch of her. As she lay panting and writhing with need, he settled between her thighs and traced his tongue up her center. She could feel her legs quivering with anticipation as he slowly made his way towards her most sensitive spot. And when his tongue finally made contact, she lost herself in an endless spiral of ecstasy that left her gasping for air and begging for more.

As he continued his exploration, he knew she was completely at his mercy. Her moans grew louder and more fervent, urging him further. He slid another finger inside of her, stretching her and sending shivers of delight rushing through her veins. His thumb pressed against her sensitive nub, sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through her.

His tongue danced over her most intimate parts, teasing and tormenting her as she thrashed beneath him. The room filled with the sound of her strained breaths and muffled moans of pleasure. Her body trembled, on the brink of ecstasy again. He wanted to be there with her, to feel every quiver and gasp as she reached climax. Unable to resist any longer, he raised himself above her and positioned himself between her legs. With one swift movement, he entered her, feeling the warmth and tightness envelop him completely.

With each stroke, her body tightened around him. His need for her grew stronger with each passing moment, and he knew that he could not hold back any longer. His thrusts became faster and harder, his body slamming against hers.

He continued to thrust, his hips moving in a relentless rhythm as her moans of pleasure echoed around them. The sounds of their lovemaking filled the room, their bodies melded together. He could feel his own climax building, the tension in his body growing with each passing second. With one final thrust, he released within her.

They lay silent for some time, his hand rested on her chest as he felt her heart rate gradually return to its usual pace. As Halona's breathing deepened, Buck propped himself up on one elbow, his eyes tracing the contours of her face in the dim light. The curve of her cheekbone, the slight part of her lips – he committed every detail to memory. A knot of fear tightened in his gut. He was at a loss with her.

His relationship with Halona had become something he never expected. He loved her deeply, and his children had grown just as attached. The thought of losing her filled him with dread. Buck swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. He'd already experienced so much loss – the prospect of Halona leaving his life too was almost unbearable.