AN: I no longer have a beta, so I apologize if there are any mistakes throughout the story. I have also never written in the first person before. I have gone back over it to try and correct any mistakes, but I'm sure I've missed some and there might be one or two mistakes where I have inserted third person on accident. Other than that, please enjoy!

I woke up slowly, as if from a dream that was trying to keep hold of me because it knew what awaited me if I opened my eyes. The heavy oppressive feeling I immediately felt was almost suffocating. My arms were bound to a chair with chains as were my legs to ensure I wouldn't escape.

They needn't have bothered.

I had accepted my fate long ago.

One cannot commit the crimes I have committed and just sweep them under the rug like they never happened. I didn't even want to at this point. I deserved what I got, and although deep down I was afraid to die, I took some small comfort in knowing my life wasn't a complete waste even though at times it felt like it had been.

I look up from my confinement and see Kingsley Shacklebolt shuffling through papers and talking to Percy Weasley before he turned to me.

"Harry James Potter of number four Privet Drive, you are accused of the murders of Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood by use of the Killing Curse. You also performed the Cruciatus Curse on Ronald Bilius Weasley and Hermione Jean Granger before finally being incapacitated by Ministry forces. How do you plead?"

I opened my mouth to reply but words wouldn't come out. I tried to swallow but it felt like there was a Snitch stuck in my throat.

Finally, I wet my dry and cracked lips, and replied, "Guilty."

The silence was deafening. No doubt, people were trying to figure out how I, The-Boy-Who-Lived, the vanquisher of Voldemort, had murdered the two people I cared about most and tortured my two best friends. If only they knew. They would never know because I would never tell. It was a secret I hoped to take to the grave.

I looked to the Wizengamot members who had various degrees of glee on their faces. All except for Peneus Greengrass which was rather odd, but I didn't have the energy to even wonder why he was looking at me with such pity. Maybe he somehow knew everything. I guess I would never know.

I heard someone laughing in the back part of my mind as I looked at the faces of the Wizengamot members, but I pushed it back down. Now would not be a great time to lose control.

Kingsley coughed, bringing my attention back to him before saying, "Can you, in your own words, explain why you have done this? Keep in mind if we feel like you are lying, or you don't answer, we will administer Veritaserum and force the truth out of you."

This was it. It was his one chance to make everyone believe the lie he had concocted while awaiting his trial in Azkaban. It was a pathetic attempt at a lie if he were being honest with himself, but most of the Wizengamot were too stupid to believe otherwise; at least, he hoped they were. Hermione would figure it out, if not now then later. She was too smart for her own good. I only thanked Merlin that Luna, Ginny, and I had not told anyone about our relationship yet.

I tried not to think about Ginny and Luna too much. The memories were too painful and the pain was eating away at me exacerbated by my stay in Azkaban. As with anyone, however, the more you tried not to think of something or someone, the more you thought about it. There wasn't much else to do in Azkaban but think.

"I caught Ginny with Luna," I said shakily.

"What do you mean exactly, Mr. Potter?" Shacklebolt asked.

I breathed in and out slowly before I continued. "As many of you know, Ginny and I were dating. We had been for the past six months, ever since I defeated Voldemort."

I watched as more than half the Wizengamot body winced at the dead wizard's name. Six months dead and they still couldn't bear to hear it. Pathetic, but then again, most of the wizarding world had always been rather pathetic in my eyes.

"I had gone to Hogwarts to visit Ginny. She's in her last year there and with me in the Auror training program, and her at school, that didn't leave us a whole lot of time to spend together so I would visit her occasionally."

"And how did you enter Hogwarts without anyone knowing?"

"Through means of a secret passageway from Honeyduke's cellar that I've known about since third year," I replied.

I watched as Kingsley leaned over to Percy, whisper something in his ear as Percy scratched furiously on parchment with a quill, before turning back to me. "You may continue."

"We were supposed to meet up in a room on the seventh floor. It was our meeting spot ever since my sixth year. I walked in like usual, but instead of just Ginny, I found Ginny and Luna there, and they were together."

"By together, you mean..."

"Yes," I replied shakily trying to keep up my mental shields. Thank Merlin Hermione worked with me on my Occlumency more after the disaster with Snape. "They were nude, in a bed, and kissing.

There was an outbreak of muttering until Kinglsey raised his wand and let out a bang, effectively quieting the noise.

"Did she not know you were coming?" Percy asked. Speaking up for the first time.

"No," I replied. "I liked to surprise her when I visited so I would send my house elf to fetch her.

I wanted to look over at the Weasley family but couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bear to face the hate-filled gazes of the people I had considered my own family since my second year. I instead looked up at the Dementor that was being held back by a shield, impatiently waiting. I knew that was my future. There was no way it would be anything but.

Kingsley cleared his throat, bringing my attention back to him, before saying, "And is that when you started attacking them?"

"Yes, I... and then I stopped. The voice in the back of my mind was becoming more vocal and it took everything I had to push it back down and ignore it.

"I've loved Ginny for a while now," I began again. "Seeing her with someone else, being that intimate with someone else, I guess I just snapped. I wasn't thinking properly.

"You do know that doesn't give you grounds to murder them, don't you?" Kingsley stated.

"I'm well aware," I said softly. "I know what I did was wrong."

"Very well," Kingsley said. "After you had killed Miss Weasley and Miss Lovegood, is that when Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger showed up?"

I schooled my features into an emotionless mask, giving thanks once again for Occlumency, before I said, "They came in as Luna was dropping to the floor. I had killed Ginny first. There were little words said before we started dueling ourselves."

I thought back to the event in question.

I watched as Luna fell to the ground. I wanted to scream, to cry out, to rip my own arm off, but it was too late. Luna and Ginny were already dead. The voice in my head was in control and I was just a prisoner in my own mind. My thoughts weren't even my own. All I could think to do was kill anyone who stood in my way. Was that the voice? Was it me? Thoughts and emotions swirled around like a melting pot.

I heard a noise by the door of the Room of Requirement and turned around to see my two best friends staring at me in horror.

Ron's face housed a look of pure shock which would morph to anger at any second and Hermione's calculated horror-filled gaze was staring at Luna who had just fallen to the floor never to get up again.

"Harry, what are you doing? What's going on?" Ron asked

I tried to fight the voice in my head, but it had finally won. "Why, I'm killing them of course. What else would I be doing?"

I could see Ron grasp the gravity of the situation as he looked from me to Ginny, and then back to me.

My two best friends pulled out their wands and pointed them at me.

"There has to be a mistake," Hermione said shakily. "You're our best friend. You wouldn't do this. There has to be some explanation. You're not really Harry, are you?"

"I can assure you that I'm all me," I said as I put my hands out wide with a smirk.

"Why?" Ron demanded angrily. "Why would you kill my sister, the woman who loved you, and her best friend?

"Do I need a reason?" I asked nonchalantly as if discussing the weather. "They were in my way and annoying."

I knew I was going to have to fight my way out. I had decided as soon as I saw them that I was going to have to take Hermione out first. She might not have as much power as Ron, but she was meticulous in her spellcasting. She was the more dangerous of the two.

"Depulso!" I cried as I aimed at Hermione. The jet of white light hit Hermione in the chest where she was thrown back into the stone wall and fell in a heap.

"Hermione!" Ron cried as he ran over to her. He was probably checking to see if she was still alive. I knew she would be. I wasn't done with her yet.

Ron caught me off guard and I barely dodged his Reducto in time. His spell hit one of the beams on the four-poster bed causing the top to collapse on Ginny as I rolled out of the way.

While he was staring in horror at the collapsed frame on top of Ginny, I acted.

"Crucio!"

Ron fell to the ground screaming in agony.

I walked up to him slowly, never taking my eyes off him until I was standing next to him. I cancelled the spell and looked at him with apathy. I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my eyes but paid no attention to it. I looked at Hermione to see she was rousing, but her wand was still feet from her so I turned back to Ron.

"Poor Ronald Weasley," I said with a laugh. "You're just never going to measure up, are you? You can't even save your sister or protect the girl you love."

"Fuck you!" he said through gritted teeth.

"Ah, ah, ah, language," I said with a laugh. "Maybe I should teach you how to control that anger of yours."

The room was once again full of his screams as I put him under the Cruciatus Curse.

So absorbed was I in the screams of my former best friend on the ground I didn't see that Hermione had finally stood up and had grabbed her wand. The Disarming Charm sailed over my left shoulder within an inch of my ear and I spun around.

"You attack me when my back is turned?" I spoke as Hermione gripped her wand tighter. "How honorable of you."

"There is nothing honorable about anything you've done tonight so why should I care?" Hermione retorted back.

She looked at Ron, long since passed out from the pain, and back to me. "I don't know why you did this but please, Harry, just surrender. We can figure this out together."

"Don't you see?" I asked with a laugh. "I did this for no other reason than because I can. You can't help me. You can't save him!"

The switch from first person to third person was all I needed. "Crucio! I roared.

Hermione wasn't fast enough, and soon she too was on the ground writhing in pain. The sound was like music to my ears.

I cancelled the spell and leaned down to where our faces were mere inches apart. "Deep down you must realize that you'll never be anything but a lowly Mudblood."

I raised my wand, the green light already forming at the tip, when the door burst open.

I turned around and barely had time to notice the Auror badge pinned to the robes of three men with Neville behind them before my world went black.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, please stand."

I looked over at them for the first time and was immediately wracked with guilt. They were both sickly pale and had lost weight. They both had tear tracks down their face.

"Is how Mr. Potter described the event exactly how it happened?" Kingsley asked. "Did he leave anything out?"

Hermione's eyes bored into mine with a sad sort of acceptance as did Ron's.

They knew!

"Please just say yes, please don't tell them the truth." I thought to myself.

"It is," Hermione said as she started to cry silently.

"He didn't leave anything out," Ron added as they both sat down.

"Very well," Kingsley said. "We have already established guilt. What the Wizengamot will now vote on is punishment."

Percy handed Kingsley a sheaf of parchment before speaking up. "Normally Mr. Potter's crimes would warrant an automatic death sentence. Due to your contributions to the Wizarding World in getting rid of Voldemort, however, the ministry has decided to put it to a vote between life imprisonment in Azkaban, or the Dementor's kiss."

"Those in favor of life imprisonment, please raise your wand," Kingsley said.

I looked around. There weren't many. I didn't honestly expect there to be. A few from the Wizengamot, including Peneus Greengrass and Kingsley had their wands raised.

Hermione started crying harder as she turned to Ron who enveloped her in a hug, but I tuned all of it out. It was over and done with. No use crying over spilt milk now.

Instead, my mind drifted off to the thought of my dead partners. Partners whom I had killed.

Ginny, fiery and vivacious Ginny. The first woman I had ever fallen in love with. She had loved me even when I didn't feel like I deserved it. She pushed me to do better and always understood the workings of my mind, no matter how twisted it became in the end.

Luna, sweet and innocent Luna. I hadn't been looking for love when I found her. I fought my feelings for her until Ginny had told me she too had developed feelings for the beautiful blonde, and that was when two had become three.

We knew we couldn't go public with our unconventional relationship. At least not then. We still took comfort in knowing that we knew, and that was all that mattered.

Both of these women loved me with their whole hearts and I as good as killed them. They looked at me as if I was their whole universe, and even though I was full of broken parts and cracks put together by Spellotape, they loved me fully.

They, along with the Weasley family, taught me what love really was after being devoid of it for so long.

I looked up again to see many wands raised. I already knew what it meant. Hermione was bawling into Ron's chest as the whole Weasley family cried. Arthur had to lead Mrs. Weasley out of the courtroom before she fainted. Watching a Dementor suck the soul out of someone you considered a son did things to you.

Kingsley started speaking but again, I tuned it out. Nothing mattered anymore. I looked to Ron again who looked right back with a profound sense of sadness. He knew the truth. I was sure of it now. The whole Weasley family knew. Maybe not the specifics of having a piece of Voldemort inside of me, but they knew the boy they met and who he had grown up to be.

The shield holding the Dementor back disappeared, and then, the Dementor was on me. I heard a guttural cry but didn't know if it came from me, or someone in the crowd, and in that moment, I finally opened up my heart.

I allowed myself to feel all of it. All of the pain and regret that I had been hiding. There was no conscious decision to do it, it just happened as my heart poured out of my eyes and mouth.

I mourned, as my life flew by me in images.

I mourned every loss I'd ever had and the love I had never received. I mourned the love that I've lost along the way.

I mourned the old parts of me that were damaged beyond repair, that I had to lay to rest. I mourned the innocent boy I used to be who lived in the cupboard under the stairs as he prayed for someone to love him back.

I mourned all of it.

I broke down, until I couldn't break down anymore, and then finally, I let it all go.

My last conscious thought before the darkness claimed me was that two would soon be three again.

I finally succumbed to the darkness.