My Other Worldly Harem Curb Stomp is Wrong as Expected (SNAFU)

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru is created by Wataru Watari and published by Shogakukan.

Familiar of Zero is made by Noboru Yamaguchi and is published by Media Factory

Neither is owned by me nor do I have any power over them.

Hachiman Hikigaya is someone who hates math. One would believe that with significant ability to deduce and progress in life with strange manipulation tactics I would also be someone who excels in the realm of mathematics, not unlike James Moriarty. This is not the case, for some reason the entire idea of mathematics is something that I struggle with, perhaps this is due to certain elements that require memorization?

Regardless, mathematics is a prerequisite to go down the path of sciences, something I never saw a want doing myself. One of these science branches includes physics. Physics is the study of what the world is and understanding it and all its intricacies. Now, that is a wide range of potential options, and true enough the realm of physics is as large as saying literature, perhaps even more so. One of these relates to the realm of the physical, how objects work in the real world. An object of much respect in this field is the powerful spring. There are many equations that essentially mean that springs try to return to the lowest energy state. I don't understand them at all, but what I do know is that springs are what make suspension systems work.

Suspension is something that I use on everything from my bike to cars. They allow it so that when you hit small bumps on the road while driving, you don't feel every bit of that touch. This requires both knowledge of physics and very precise machinery, something that the world I am touching down on does not have.

Thus, the carriage ride I am in is the single most uncomfortable experience I have ever had, and I have had conversations one on one with Haruno.

Evin in despair, Hachiman barrels through plot twist

My back hurt. My side hurt. My brain hurt. Multiple congruent annoyances were converging onto my only haven, that being myself. The only scenery I had was a trailing of uncomfortable ground that was called a road, and the edging of wood and brush that let splattering's of light. The carriage I found myself in was a wooden mess with a white canvass hanging over me.

A girl with red hair was pressing her uncomfortably large breast against my side while trying to say the benefits of using the sword she bought to me. Derflinger was shaking in his sheath in what I hoped was anger at the prospect of me using a different sword and not the very real possibility he was laughing at my monumental misfortune. My other side had a girl with pink hair pushing away the arms of the more well endow…tanned girl, assuring her I was property and staking claim like an animal in heat. If only that was why she wanted to claim me and not some weird inferiority complex stemming from her being less endow…tall.

The small carriage was meant to sit two aside, and yet mine was closer to having six as a lizard letting off tremendous feat had curled up against my leg as well. I wished nothing more than to sneak away to the other side of this carriage and sit next to the quiet girl with blue hair. Tabitha was serene looking like a fairy-tail princess as her eyes stared listlessly ahead at her never-flipping book. Alas I was trapped in this ownership battle, one of which I had thought I had plainly made my feelings bear.

Suddenly, as if by divine miracle, Kirche's attention went elsewhere. Not to soon as my brain was beginning to fail from increasing ecchi disaster. "Miss Longueville, why are you driving, shouldn't this be a commoner's job," she addressed the bespectacled young woman who worked as pervy sensei's secretary. For some reason she was taking place in this stupid endeavor where children chased after high criminals who had royal guards in tizzy's. Perhaps this was all the will of that old man. Something about him rubbed me wrong, like his façade of horny was just a mask in order to try to hide how brilliant he tugged the scenes of this world. Pretending to be incompetent while secretly being the evil mastermind all along would be exactly the thing, I would expect from a gritty fantasy isikai, but perhaps that is me expecting too much.

Still, this Miss Longueville was suspicious on her own with her cloak being covered in dirt and literally being a Deus ex machina for this whole plot. Maybe I was thinking too much about this whole thing?

"I am no noble, miss, this is nothing," I couldn't see her face as she was driving this hellish machine of bumps and bruises, but she sounded nonplussed by the question. Perhaps becoming so unattached to the potential of such a thing as nobility. To be fair, I wanted nothing to do with the nobility either. I could barely make it through life managing myself, if you think I want to take on any more responsibility than that you would be mistaken. Maybe I could be one of those nobles who were evil and sat back collecting taxes and sponged off their underlings, but I couldn't do that. My Japanese heritage would kick in and I would have to do something. That is right, no nobility for me. Ever.

"But you are Headmaster Osman's secretary?" Kirchie said, cutely tilting her head and placing a finger near her plump red lips. She was lovely when I did not need to defend my chastity.

"The old pervert isn't concerned when he wants help." She scoffed back.

"Could you at least tell me how you lost your status, please?" the quite rumbling of the road answered her. From my spot I could only see her back, but it was strange. She didn't look miffed that she wasn't a noble in the least, but for some reason the option of talking about her past seemed to bring tension to her shoulders. I had thought perhaps she went on this weird mission for the chance at becoming noble when she first said she wasn't, but that appeared very far from the truth. Fair enough, not talking about the past. If someone asked about my middle school years I might have a similar reaction. Well, if they knew about it, I might have an even larger response. "What do you want Valliére?"

Louise was shaking her shoulder gently, of course this had her small body draped all over mine. Her slim warm form pressing her soft torso against mine. Any time I had said she was flat chested diminished as two distinct mounds did ever so slightly press into me. I hoped my blush was not overly present. Derflinger's increased shaking told me exactly what was causing such a thing before. Perhaps I should give him to pervert sensei. Then pervert sensei (magic) and pervert sensei (sword) can team up to cause pervert fantasies (ecchi) for all the teen boys watching. "Stop raking up someone's past. It's shameful to do so."

"But I'm bored, I need someone to talk to, Hikitani isn't doing it, so might as well go to the next best option." So much was wrong with that. Isn't her best friend here? Why am I the object of conversation. Why has Louise decided to spin and sit on my lap instead of her spot. She is light so it's not a bother, but it is a bother for other reasons! "Besides, it's your impetuousness that got the rest of us in this mess."

"What do you mean by that?" Louise angerly wiggled at Kirche, an upsetting feeling, well pleasant, but upsetting all the same. Not that I didn't understand why. The baseless accusation from a volunteer was not needed.

"My poor Hikitani would be in danger if you went alone." Her large breast attacked my arm as the voluptuous woman gave my side a hug. I am losing the will to continue life on earth here Kami's who did this, ill have you know that. Louise had an angry look on her face as Kirche continued, "If that massive golem reappeared you would make the poor commoner do all the fighting right?"

"I would do no such thing; I would use magic…"

She was cut off by Kirche's laugh, "You, Louise the Zero using magic, what a joke?" Tabitha continued not reading her book.

"What is this zero thing anyway." I asked suddenly. But I could feel the fury emanating from the small girl on my lap as I did.

"You didn't even tell the poor guy?" Kirche looked in awe at Louise, "Well you see,"

"Enough," the adult it seemed had enough of the bickering. "We walk from here," or she just got to the checkpoint.

We stepped into intense dark. It reminded me so much of a school trip I had taken what seemed an eternity ago. My senses went on hyper alert, when something touched my hand. Just like last time, it was Yuigahama, wasn't it. I would turn and we would be walking up to the stupid rock, and I would with for Komachi to pass her exams, so I could see her next year. Her had was soft, but different from last time, the small callas from where she walked sable was thinner and ran different. Her hand height was also wrong, and this hand was more assertive than the one I remember holding. "Hikki I'm scared." The words which should have sounded familiar were so different. They were wrong, they had a familiar feel, but so wrong.

"Hikki," her smile was beautiful, and her pink hair perfect.

"Hikki?" She looked at me like I could fix this problem, or any problem.

"Hikki!" She was angry, perhaps I was lazy, maybe I don't even remember anymore.

"See you later, Hikki," That was the last time I heard her voice wasn't it. In that apartment, before walking home Haruno. In my life only she called me that. To her I was Hikki. It made me wonder, if it wasn't for Yuikinoshita, what would have become of this. Even with my heart being there, Yuigahama was still someone so important to me. I thought maybe something genuine could have been there, but even more than that.

"Hikki."

She never once left me.

"Hikki!" She always tried.

"Hikki?!" Would it be wrong to say I loved her?

"Hikki." I don't think so.

"Hikki?" but she wasn't here. None of them were. As it was, only I exist here, everyone I loved, Komachi, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, Totsuka, Zaimokuza, even Iroha and Saki.

"Don't ever call me that." I suddenly flung off my hand, gripping it with my own. The small hyperventilation's soon rising like the bile in my throat. "Yui" I whispered like a prayer. She would come and we would walk to the service club together, right?

"Hachiman?" A small face soon filled my entire vision. Her pink eyes met my own, wet and full of worry. Her delicate porcelain hands cupped my face like soft paws. "Are you ok?" I should hate her. Her face was so similar. The pink hair framing a perfect face. It was her fault I was here. But I had no hate. I couldn't summon such a feeling. My grief I could call on command, I could get angry when others defiled memory, but no such malice was here, she was just as much a victim as I was. She brought my head into her bosom. Could I really cry? Just how uncool was I? Even so I held her, shaking while I did. She didn't say anything else, just held me and rubbed my back until I had no shame lifting mine.

"Thanks Louise, sorry for acting up." I stood and let Louise up using my own hand. "Sorry for freaking out Kirche, I don't know what happened there," I felt dirty as I said it. Like Hayama. I even put on the same disgusting smile that he did, I know it was the one as she swooned as I did so. Disgusting. I was disgusting. Fake and pathetic.

"You done stalling back there, be quiet we are close." The oddly focused adult tried taking control of the situation. If you wanted a serious investigation, why did you bring children. Even so she showed us a house in the forest with a large warehouse next to it. Probably where the golem is. I saw no life there, or anything of real value outside. I was so done with this bullshit.

"This should be the place." I wondered if she knew about the mud caked on her cloak and the dried stuff caked on her shoes. I was in a fantasy isikai. There were only four options for who Fouquet could be. Old Osman, not likely. Mr. Cobert, less likely. He is the perfect old sensei. The old lady didn't seem the type either. That left Miss Longueville with the mysterious past, no noble status, a secretary who also knew everything about what we were doing before we did it. Now why bring us here at all?

"We should send the person with the best reflexes to check it out," Kirche said, and everyone looked at me for some reason.

"We are just looking for Fouquet, right?"

"That and the Staff of Destruction." Miss Longueville replied.

I drew Derflinger. "Ready for the climax, sensei?"

"I couldn't want for more, boy. Lets go invade that house,"

"No that's not what we are doing."

"What?"

"Where is the staff?" I pointed the tip of Derflinger at Miss Longueville's exposed neck, an action that made my hand shake and disgust within myself build, but hey, she was the adult that made a bad decision not me. Even as attached as I was, this was an adult trying to kill kids. "Miss Lougueville, or should I say Fouquet the Crumbling Dirt."

So why is everyone looking at me like I am the villain.