This time Dr. Holiday leaves you alone. You swear you feel a hand rub your back for a moment while you keep vomiting, but once your nausea has subsided, you are alone. You take a couple deep breaths to calm yourself and asses the situation. You are seeing Brittany for the first time in a fucking decade. You don't know how to handle it. You don't know if it would be easier for you that the news about her were that she had tragically died in that accident. At least you wouldn't have to decide what you are going to do. I mean, you can't leave her alone right now, she's a human being too, and she is suffering, you can't just get up and leave like nothing has happened. That's not who you are.
When you are sure you are not going to throw up again, you slowly walk towards Brittany's room again, and quietly watch from the threshold what's going on inside. Holly is talking to her and the nurses are checking her drips, her monitors and everything. You notice that Brittany's speech is kind of slurred and you wonder if it's because of the sedation, because of her tiredness, or if it means that there can actually be some brain damage. A wave of nausea rushes through your body at the last option, but there's nothing else in your stomach to get out, so you hardly swallow the acid slump that has formed in your throat.
When you see her smile, you can't help but smile too. She looks beautiful, and innocent. She looks like everything that is good in this stinky world.
No one has noticed you yet, so when you can't stand it any longer, you turn around and leave. You will call Dr. Holiday at some point to ask her about Brittany's condition, but there is only so much a woman can take in one day. Once you are in your car you breathe deeply again and drive home. You are starting to think that whatever pulled you to take your car this morning, was some kind of signal.
You haven't fully crossed the door to your home when the yelling starts.
"SANTANA! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU - ..." Dani is shouting at you, walking furiously towards you, but her speech dies in her throat the moment she sets eyes on you. Her mouth opens in a perfect 'O' and her eyes widen too.
You know you must look, simply put, awful. Your mascara is blotched all over your cheeks from crying, your eyes are puffy, your hair is messy since you pulled it out of your pony before you left your car and kind of pulled on it with your own fists in despair. Also your mouth feels swollen from the throwing up, your lipstick is also smeared all over the place, and you wonder if there are vomit traces anywhere over yourself.
Dani is frozen on her spot, and you take advantage of it, stepping out of your high heels quietly, and walking past her towards your bathroom. You need to shower, ASAP.
"What happened to you?" You hear Dani ask behind you.
"I need a minute." You answer, your voice hoarse.
A minute turns into half an hour. When you emerge from the bathroom you are feeling slightly better. At least you are feeling clean now, which is an improvement. You have redressed yourself with a pair of old sweatpants and a tank top. You even took off your contact lenses, so you are wearing your red rimmed glasses, and your hair is flowing wetly over your shoulders.
When you get back to your living room, Dani is sitting on your couch and she looks lost in thought.
"We need to talk..." you say softly as you take a seat on your armchair, keeping your distance from your wife.
As she hears your voice, she shakes herself out of her trance and looks at you. It looks like she has been crying the whole half an hour you have been locked up in the bathroom.
"Santana..." you can clearly see she is worried, and also kind of heartbroken. You frown a little. "Are you... A-are you cheating on me?" she asks doubtfully and you feel your own heart break.
Now you are frowning a lot, and you have crossed your arms over your chest defensively, also you are biting the inside of your cheek and you are sure you are drawing blood. It's the second time in a very, very small amount of time that someone has asked you that, and it really hurts your feelings. For God's sake, you have never cheated, not even on the boys you dated when you were a child a thought it was cool. You may have been a bit of a womanizer on those times you have been single, which aren't so many if you think about it, but you have never ever cheated on anyone.
"Do you really think I would do that to you?" You ask, and the hurt is clear on your voice. Dani flinches slightly on her seat.
"I don't know, S. Suddenly you are late home, you don't let me know that you will be, you make cheap excuses, or none at all..." she sighs and closes her eyes for a second. "And then you get home looking like you have been crying and you tell me we need to talk? I don't really know what to think..." her voice is almost a whisper now. You don't want to start a fight about what she just said, so you decide to rip the band aid, as they say.
"Brittany is back." You simply say, and the silence that engulfs you both is more deafening than the yelling Dani threw at you earlier. She looks at you incredulously.
"What do you mean Brittany is back?"
"Exactly what you heard. She is in the hospital, she had a pretty bad car accident." You say with a tired sigh.
"Oh my God. Is she okay?"
You want to laugh at Dani's question, but instead you feel your eyes filling with tears. She really is an angel. You don't know what you did right in this life, or any past life, to deserve a woman like her.
"They think she will be. She woke up from a coma today." You sink further into the armchair, lifting your knees and hugging them with your arms.
"Are you okay?" She asks, and you feel her getting up from the sofa and walking towards you. You also feel her hesitate, so you move a little to make her room. She takes a seat next you you, it's a tight fit, but you know she wants to be close to you. She doesn't hug you though.
You feel yourself sobbing quietly, and all the answer you give her is a small shake of your head. You don't trust your voice. Seeing you so broken, breaks Dani too, and soon she is hugging you tightly, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. But you can feel she is worried. Her body is tense, and her soft whispers are laced with fear. You think she's wondering what Brittany's return means to the both of you.
Damn, you are wondering that yourself, no matter how hard you are trying not to think about what your feelings for the blond might or might not be. You can't and won't just throw your relationship out of the window because Brittany is back, but it sure complicates everything.
And first and foremost, you need to untangle all this story about her, about being in touch with your grandmother, about Quinn not being able to find anyone close to her. How did everything get so messy?
"Oh. And Quinn is pregnant." You say shrugging.
Dani doesn't answer you, she hugs you tighter, but you can feel a soft smile creeping on her lips against your temple.
You don't know how long it takes you to stop crying, but it feels like hours. Slowly you untangle yourself from your wife's arms and get up from the armchair.
"I think I'm going to bed..." You mutter, walking slowly towards your bedroom.
Right before your hand catches the door handle, Dani speaks again.
"Are we okay?"
You turn around slowly to look at her. She is not looking directly at you, but you know she's observing you from the corner of her eye.
"Sure." You answer softly, but it sounds like a white lie. You want to be, of course you want to be okay with her, but you are not even sure if you are going to be okay yourself.
The soft noise of your bedroom door closing behind you sounds like a gun shot in the heavy silence.