The night goes by and you don't get a single minute of sleep. You know Dani must have slept on the sofa, if she slept at all, because she doesn't even come to check on you during the whole long night. When your alarm goes off, you do something you haven't done since you were working as a bartender: you call in sick to work. You call Kurt and tell him you are not feeling good, and that you are not coming today. You leave him in charge and trust he will do what's best for the firm. You know he will, he is just as good as you are in business management, he's just even better as a clothing designer. He asks you if you are okay and when you weakly tell him yes, he hesitates, so you know he doesn't believe you, but he simply gives you his farewells and tells you he hopes you feel better soon.
You get up from your bed with an exhausted sigh and walk slowly into your bathroom. You love scalding showers, but this morning you take a cold one, hoping it will numb your feelings, but it only numbs your body. You can feel your whole life slowly crumbling down and you have no idea what to do to stop it from falling completely apart. It shouldn't be this difficult. Brittany is just someone who was important to you in the past, but she's not part of your life anymore. Yet...yeah, you are not ready to address your past just yet. It hurts too much.
You need to, though. If you want to get over this curve ball life has decided to throw at your face, you need to revisit everything that hurt you so deeply making you run away. And it stings. It pulls at the weak strings of your heart and you are sure it will break again sooner or later.
When you walk out of your bathroom, dressed with a pair of black leggings and a two sizes too big white hoodie, you do something reckless. You grab your phone again, and after a deep breath, you dial your Abuela's number. You don't have it saved in your contacts, but even after all this years, you still know it by heart.
Two rings in your heart is racing. You don't know what you are going to tell her, you clearly didn't think this through.
"Hello?" an elder female voice talks to your ear. That's the moment your heart breaks. You haven't heard that voice in twenty years, yet you would recognise it in a crowd.
In the best Santana Lopez fashion, you hang up. You throw your phone onto the bed as if it was some kind of infectious disease, and decide not to give your sudden nostalgia a second thought. You need to fix your present. Your wife deserves better from you. The past can wait.
You walk out of the bedroom only to find the house is completely quiet. The only thing you can hear is the soft padding of your bare feet against the floor as you walk. When you get to your living room, you find Dani curled up in a ball on the couch, and you can't help but smile. She really is an amazing woman, she has always respected you, she is loving and caring and she has given you the best years of your life. She deserves you to be at your best, so you kneel on the floor in front of her and softly caress her cheek. She looks tired, so you wonder if she just fell asleep not so long ago.
"Dani..." you whisper softly and watch her stir under your touch. When her eyes finally open, it takes her a moment to find her focus, but when she does, she's focusing her eyes right on yours. It feels grounding. She grounds you. You can't help but smile softly.
"Hi," she mutters, rubbing her eyes with her hands pressed in a tight fist.
"Hey," you whisper back. "Do you want some coffee?"
She nods and you get up slowly, walking to your kitchen to get everything ready. Just as the coffee is about to be done, and you are serving a couple of toasts for each of you, Dani walks into the kitchen and hugs you from behind. You lean into her touch. It feels good.
"Shouldn't you be working?" She asks softly in your ear as you pour coffee in two mugs.
"I called in. I'm not going today. I thought we could spend the day together..." you say, slightly unsure of how she will react.
"I'd love that." She replies before releasing you from her embrace, and you offer her her breakfast.
You eat and drink quietly, stealing glances at each other, and when she playfully winks at you, you can't help but laugh and kick her shin softly under the table.
"I'm sorry about last night." You say once you are done with your breakfast.
"I understand. It must not be easy for you." She says and you sigh.
"No, it's not. But it shouldn't be this hard either." You add frowning.
"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," she tells you, and you look up at her. "I get it, okay? I've been with you through everything, remember?"
You nod. It's true. If someone can be even a little empathetic of your situation right now, it's her. You wish she wasn't though. You feel like you deserve to be yelled at, to be hurt, to be dumped for being and idiot. That's what everyone did to you before, everyone abandoned you. But Dani is not like that. In many ways, she saved you.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.
You are about to say no, but when you open your mouth, words are stumbling out of it without control.
"I'm just worried about her. I think a part of me still loves her." Once those words have left your mouth, your eyes open wildly. You haven't been able to admit that to yourself and you just threw it out there like nothing.
"Santana, I have always known you still love her."
You freeze. You try to reply, but you only open and close your mouth like a fish out of the water.
"Relax, will you?" She says chuckling. "Dear, she was the most important person to you for a long while, that's not something you can erase. She will always live inside you. I've known that since I met you, it was about time you came to terms with it yourself."
"I don't know if I have come to terms with it yet." You admit, but a chuckle leaves your lips. This is why you love Dani. She's so understanding. Again, she grounds you. She has this adult and mature way of seeing things that you are yet to achieve, even if you are very well over thirty now. Deep down you are this little scared teenager who doesn't know what to do with herself.
"It's more complicated than that, though..." You say, biting your lower lip, and she only rises her eyebrows, waiting for you to explain. "Uh...apparently my Abuela is involved somehow."
"Well, shit." She kind of exhales.
"Well, shit, indeed." You say nodding. "I don't know much more. I'll need to have a talk with Brittany. Not today though. I've talked enough about her. This day is for you and me."
Your wife agrees with you, and after you have done the morning dishes, you spend the rest of the day cuddled up on your couch, watching trashy TV and sappy movies. You order food in both for lunch and dinner, and the only movement you make is, kind of late in the evening, to take a walk with the dogs.
Dani decides she needs a walk too, so she tags along, and you walk hand in hand to the park nearby. The one where you first saw that little girl with eyes bright blue like Brittany's. For a moment you look around, as if you were looking for her, and you wonder if it was some kind of premonition. Or some kind of signal from the universe, warning you about what was going to unfold right in front of you. You don't dwell on it though.
The mood between your wife and you is lighter. You are being silly, playing with the dogs, and laughing, just having some fun. You feel better. You know the conversation between you two isn't over, and you know you need to be a hundred percent honest with her if you want to make it through and salvage your relationship.
When you get back home, you feed the dogs, and the cat, and then you push Dani towards your bedroom. You are almost dead from exhaustion, but there is no way you are going to let her sleep on the couch again, even if she hesitates at first. When you have changed into your pj's, which basically consist on your underwear and nothing else, you grab your phone from the bed. It has been abandoned there the whole day.
You find out you are almost out of battery. But also you have some text messages. One from Kurt, asking you if you are feeling better and if you are coming to work tomorrow.
The other one is from Quinn.
I have some news - Quinn Fabray
You also have a missed call from your grandmother.