A/N: If you have read HYAMLC, you know this. If not, I'm posting from my phone. Last time everything went fine, but in case this doesn't, I'll reupload this on Sunday when I get back home.

"Long time no see, Santana. Come in." Says Will Schuester in his usual calm demeanour.

Will, or Mr. Schue, as you like to call him, has been your therapist for years. He is a great psychologist and he has helped you a lot. He has put up with a lot of your shit too, especially in the beginning, when you were really reticent to have therapy.

You know you are visibly distraught, and you know he has noticed since you walked into his office, but now, as you shuffle nervously in your comfortable armchair, he is scrutinizing you with his brown eyes.

"I need to talk. About...stuff..." You mumble after a while, and he nods patiently. "About stuff I haven't talked to you about." You add.

He simply waits, calm and collected as always, but since you don't say anything, he breaks the silence.

"Where do you want to start?" He asks softly.

"From the beginning." You answer, your sight fixated somewhere on the wall behind Will.

"Go ahead, then."

Flashback

I was 14, almost 15 actually, when my whole life crumbled down to pieces.

I felt on top of the world. I was the most popular girl in my school. I was head cheerleader, yes, at that age. I was good, really good. Everyone would nearly kiss the ground I walked on. I didn't think anyone could ever hate me. I was kind of cool, even if I have always had a bad temper, but I had a soft spot for misfits, so I was respected by everyone, loved by everyone. That was my peak year.

Also I've always been very precocious. By then I had already lost my virginity to some dude named Steve, I think. It was the most horrendous experience ever but I didn't want to even acknowledge why.

I had always had this thing going on with my best friend, Brittany, but I didn't want to acknowledge that either. Until that day.

We had sex that afternoon after school while her parents were away and it was beautiful, magical. It was everything my first time should have been. I even said out loud for the first time that I was indeed gay and very much in love with Brittany.

Then, I did everything in reverse, you know? A normal teenager would have tested the waters with their friends, right? Well, I was so pent up of hiding myself in that top bitch feçade, and so high on serotonin after my encounter with Britt, that I ran to my grandmother's house. Abuela was the person I loved and respected the most. She was my rock. She was tough and strict, but maybe that was what I admired the most about her. She was an immigrant so her first years in the US were really hard, but she worked through her community and won everyone's heart...

Anyway, I ran there, happy as ever with my recent life changing revelation and I simply told her. She loved me, I was her favourite human, so she would support me, right?

Wrong.

She kicked me out as if I was a dirty rag and asked me, no, she didn't ask, she ordered me to never visit her again, to never try to talk to her again, to never even stand more than 5 miles close to her house.

Some secrets must remain a secret, she said.

I haven't cried that hard ever again, not even at my parents funeral.

I went home and obviously my parents caught me sobbing, red faced and with my eyes so puffed I barely could open them. My only choice was to tell them.

Dad wasn't exactly happy, but he said he loved me either way. Mom's reaction? She said she already knew.

She said she had known since the first day of pre school, which was the first time I met Brittany. Apparently I was a handful as a child, but that day mom says she went to pick me up at school and found me in a quiet corner, with Brittany sleeping, her thumb in her mouth, and her head comfortabily over my lap. I was running my fingers softly through her hair. Mom says I had this terrified look on my face, but at the same time, she had never seen me so invested in something.

That right there, mija, was the purest definition of love, she said.

The fact that my parents were so comprehensive and supportive calmed me down a little. But my grandma's words would haunt me for a year. I never came out to my friends, I even avoided Britt for a while.

I always found my way back to her, though.

By the middle of my junior year I was still on top of the food chain. I was still head cheerleader and had slept with more boys I can count with my fingers, obviously hurting Brittany in the process. And dissapointing my mother deeply.

I was about to lose everything I've ever loved and that was my wake up call. Reckless and rebel as I was, I came out in front of the whole school. Everyone loved me, they would be okay with it, right?

Wrong, yet again.

Brittany was so proud of me, so in love with me, she forgave everything I ever did to her on the spot. But that was the only good thing that happened, and it wasn't enough. Sadly, it was never enough.

I lost everything. My coach downgraded me, my team mates avoided me, they even scurried away when I was with them in the locker rooms, the boys always mocked behind my back, but loud enough for me to hear, how they had all screwed a dyke, and always accused each other of being so bad in bed that they turned the hottest girl in Ohio, gay. Even the misfits I considered my friends accused me of being an attention whore. They thought it was all a lie, a feçade to become even more popular than I already was. The only friend that remained was Quinn Fabray, and even that took a lot of time and a lot of dirty looks. Her boyfriend, current husband, was more or less nice to me too, but we were never close.

It was a miracle that I passed my junior year. Brittany was great to me, and slowly I realised she was the only one I really needed in my life, but habits die hard, you know? I missed my popularity, I missed my people, and the bullying became so harsh that I flunked out my senior year. I had to repeat it.

Everyone graduated, even Brittany, whose grades weren't exceptional, but she was some kind of math genius, so she got away with everything else. She didn't go to college though. She started working part time at a dance studio and stayed in town for me. She would hold my hand tight as I achieved my dreams, she said.

I was in a very deep depression, though. My parents were great too, they tried their best, but they didn't know how to help me.

After my classmates graduated, the bullying almost stopped, but no one wanted yet to be my friend. I was always alone, always afraid of the looks and the talks. And I started pushing Brittany away.

I graduated, but I had zero motivation to do anything else in my life, so I was nearly 19, unemployed and depressed, with a girlfriend who had invested her life on me and who was the only one actively working on our relationship.

Oddly enough, it was Quinn who opened my eyes. She basicly kicked my ass and made me stop my pity party. I got a job cleaning offices as I put my life and dreams in order. Things with Britt were better, but still not good. At least I was starting to work on it too, but it was too late, I knew it. But we were truly so in love with each other that we didn't want to give up.

At 23 I applied, and got accepted, at community college. I majored in business management. That was the first time Brittany cheated on me.

I did everything I possibly could to ruin our relationship, so I really had it coming, but I thought things were starting to brighten up for us again. I felt betrayed, abandoned as everyone had before.

She cheated on me twice and she didn't regret it. Her apologies were sincere, though. I knew her like the back of my hand, she was honestly sorry, she was heartbroken for hurting me while I was still so fragile, and she was still in love with me. I know it doesn't sound real, but I know it was.

I broke up with her. She could have done anything she wanted. I told her to go pursue her dreams, she could become a great dancer. She didn't listen to me though. She stayed in Lima and was determined to start anew with me. She wanted a clean sheet and I let her try because I loved her too. It escalated from chatting sometimes to having sex on every ocasion we could find pretty quickly. Meanwhile I was seeing Dani, my wife. It was a pretty confusing time for me. I was lonely and Dani was there, then Brittany reeled me back in so I would break up with Dani, and so on and so forth.

Then my parents died. They were driving home one night after having gone to the theatre when a drunk truck driver missed a red light and literally drove over their car. They died instantly.

That was my breaking point. I needed to leave. I needed to escape that shit hole and I did without looking back.

I left Brittany behind, without an explanation, without a proper goodbye. I left behind the person who had put her whole life on hold for me. The person who showed me what love meant. The person who at some point thought that I was the most precious thing in her life, I abandoned her.

I transfered to a comunity college here to finish my degree, and the rest you already know...

End of flashback.

"That must have been difficult for you. I can see why you felt you needed a new start." He says empathetically as he offers you some tissues since you have started crying, you don't know at what point though. "But why tell me now? Has something happened?" He asks and you nod and shrug.

"Both Brittany and my grandma are back." You say as if that was all that needed to be said.

Mr. Schue waits a few seconds to see if you want to say something else, but you don't.

"Let me tell you something..." He starts, and for the way he is clasping his hands together, you know you are not going to like it. "Your relationship with Brittany sounds a little toxic, judging by the way you have talked about it."

"It wasn't." You answer coldly and defensively. "I was, but the relationship wasn't, nor was she. She was great to me, always supportive, always understanding, she never pushed me to anything. She was all that is good in this shitty world. She failed me one time in aproximately 20 years of friendship plus relationship. I can't hold it against her. You were the one who taught me to let go." You are slightly annoyed, your arms crossed tightly in front of your chest.

"Do you still love her?" He changes his strategy and it takes you off guard.

"I...yes." You answer honestly.

"Enough to turn your life upside down again?"

You stay silent for a few seconds.

Then, with the same feeling you had when you were 14 and ran to Abuela's house, you look up at him and you smile.

"Yes."