Whether or not they are directly linked, or the characters know each other, I think of my stories as all having happened within the same little world! In my stories. I frequently mention things that have happened in others I have written, but most of them should be able to be read stand alone without issues.

Also, while I try to keep it very close with Genshin lore, I don't know every single bit of lore, and can't remember it all. So, some things are slightly different, there are also some things that are only guessed. I'm just here to write stories for people to read, should they choose!

As for my version of travel time, everything is small, and close together in the game, so I spread it out a little. It should take time to get places! (More dramatic that way rofl)

Thank you to my husband for being my proofreader!

As always, thank you for reading, I hope everyone enjoys it!

Feel free to leave a comment :)

Stop, Take A Break

The Downward Spiral is Infinite

Kaveh was a strong person, Alhaitham wouldn't deny that. He didn't see Kaveh's empathy as weak, but as a dangerous problem, instead.

Alhaitham was not without empathy himself, but he chose when that trait was needed based on a situation. For Kaveh, it was always there. Every single little situation that someone, or something might need help, Kaveh could be counted on.

The problem for Alhaitham was that he was likely to see what he cared about most in the world get hurt, and regardless of what Kaveh may sometimes think, he never wanted to see harm come to him.

To outsiders, the things he would sometimes say to Kaveh were hurtful, and it had happened before, he'd been the one to hurt Kaveh, but everything that others saw was just their language. Sometimes it was how they said "I love you" without anyone else even realizing it. Sometimes it was just picking back and forth to get on each other's nerves.

Alhaitham had learned the hard way that there were certain things that were difficult for Kaveh to hear.

Slow down.

Take better care of yourself before you try to take care of others.

Take a break.

Eat food.

Drink water.

You're being unhealthy again.

Please, Kaveh. Stop, take a break.

Kaveh was too proud, and felt that if he wasn't giving everything he had, that he was holding back, even if it hurt him. Of course, Alhaitham knew he was too straight forward in stating these things, and he'd been working on that, but sometimes there was only so much he could do, and a breakdown was inevitable for Kaveh.

That's why Alhaitham had taken care to thoroughly learn all the signs.

Chapter One: The Drinking

It was easy for others to see Kaveh drinking, and think that he just enjoyed drinking, or that it was simply how he cooled down after a long day of working hard on some project. Alhaitham knew all too well that the first was mostly false. Kaveh enjoyed wine, and was perfectly capable of only having one or two cups, but there were days when he was chasing something else by drinking.

As for the cooling down after work, that was close, but still not quite right. Kaveh was a perfectionist, and wouldn't settle for anything less. This usually led to a higher stress level as he tried to juggle that, his client's wishes, and the safety and happiness of his workers, and as was common with many artists, he wouldn't stop until he was forced to.

That force was Alhaitham. During these times he would receive notes from Lambad to come pick up the drunk architect. This was when Alhaitham would find Kaveh with his head laying across the table, mumbling to himself.

Kaveh would try to escape, but he couldn't get away from himself. It hurt to watch.

Still, Alhaitham did the best he could.

You passed out, Kaveh.

You don't need to drink, you know.

If you'd slow down working you'd feel better.

It's alright, I'll take you home.

He was certain Kaveh never remembered it, but it didn't matter, as long as it got Kaveh home safely.

Chapter Two: Overworking

With as careful, and diligent Kaveh was in his work, it could also be a major sign that a meltdown was soon to come. Trying to over-perfect things for clients.

Kaveh didn't get all wishy-washy about every job he did. It wasn't as though the mere act of working stressed him out. No, it was the people who hired him.

The square window doesn't look how I wanted. Make it round.

I need more pillars. I don't care if they'll take up all the space.

Actually, my wife has decided that she likes the looks of a domed roof, instead.

Never mind. I want fewer pillars. This is far too many, it looks ridiculous.

It was enough to drive Alhaitham mad, and he was only listening to it second-hand. These people were not respectful, they were not kind, and they most certainly were not deserving of the best architect Sumeru had ever seen.

Kaveh was the Light of Kshahrewar, achiever of greatness, the epitome of the sun's light in human form. Beautiful, elegant, and far too kind. Kaveh deserved respect, but never truly demanded it from others. That would be far too arrogant for him.

It was being too kind that brought him down. Long hours spent on work sites. Kaveh's employees would become concerned when they would leave for the night, and see Kaveh still there, only to find him there first thing in the morning.

On top of that, there were many times they had become concerned that they hadn't seen him eat, or even take a water break. Considering he was frequently amongst the workers, helping them put everything together. This was terribly dangerous, and Alhaitham had gotten into far too many fights with the blonde over it.

You need to slow down, Kaveh.

Please stop working for a while.

Revising can wait until later.

You're doing too much.

Alhaitham tried to make sure Kaveh ate, and drank properly. He would even sneak off from work on his lunch break if Kaveh was working close enough, but he couldn't always get away, and Kaveh's work wasn't always nearby. He did the best he could, using his Vision to get further if he had to, but there was only so much he could do.

Chapter Three: Cooped Up

Once Kaveh was done with his physical work for the day, he'd walk in the door, usually well past midnight, and go directly to his office. Although Kaveh was quiet, and tried to sneak past him where he'd fallen asleep on the couch, the opening and closing of the door would wake Alhaitham.

He'd learned long ago that if he confronted Kaveh about coming to bed straight away, it would only end in a fight. This wasn't something someone so stressed needed, so Alhaitham would only use it if he was desperate.

After a short time, he'd bring Kaveh some water, and food, then sit in a seat on the side of Kaveh's desk, put there just for him, and eat his own snack. If he did this he found that Kaveh would start to absentmindedly eat while chattering mindlessly about whatever revision he was working on.

Later, Alhaitham would bring a blanket. He knew better than to move Kaveh at times like these. The architect would have a fit, and go right back to work without sleeping anymore at all. It had all happened before, and he wouldn't go down that road again, not with Kaveh's health at risk.

Alhaitham would admit, when he said anything to Kaveh about taking a break, or working too hard, it always came out snarky. There were times he did end up being angry enough to become sarcastic, but for the most part Alhaitham was just trying to help.

Kaveh didn't understand how hard it was to watch him having such a hard time, how worrisome it was to know what was coming soon. Again, any of his friends telling him made him just made matters worse. Kaveh would clap back, feeling cornered, then spiral even faster from feeling guilty.

They did what little they could for him, and stood back to catch their friend.

Chapter Four: Chores

Kaveh was always a very clean, and neat person. He kept his work surfaces clear, and organized. It made overworking more efficient. However, when he was working on a project the rest of the house chores tended to get slightly backed up. Kaveh kept an active list as he worked.

Laundry

Press clothes

Dust

Sweep

Scrub all surfaces

Clean the windows

Clear the cupboards

Wipe the walls

Rewash unused dishes

Freshen up the extra bed

Scrub bathroom tile grout

Wash the ceilings

Water the plants

We don't have plants

Buy plants

Polish the doorknobs

Arrange Haitham's books alphabetically, and according to subject

Clean Mehrak's mechanisms

Resew dining chair padding

Rearrange bathroom items in order they are used

Fix bathroom items to their original order

Clean the tops of the window sills

Rearrange all food according to usage

Fix all food to their original order

Sew new curtains

Don't forget to clean Alhaitham's couch blanket!

Alhaitham wasn't good about organizing his things, and he rarely noticed something was a mess unless Kaveh pointed it out. Thus, this issue was a little more difficult for him to see coming. It was easy to mistake it for simply cleaning, right up until Kaveh was scrubbing the floor corners with a toothbrush.

Even if Alhaitham would somehow get him to lay down for a time, Kaveh would just wait until Alhaitham fell asleep, and stay up the rest of the night. Alhaitham would wake to a spotless house.

If you found a spec of dust, it was because you walked in with it.

Chapter Five: The Breakdown

Alhaitham slowly blinked his eyes open to the dim light of the morning sun, and let them close again. He'd rather still be sleeping, but something was off. No, something was missing - warmth.

He was certain he'd gone to sleep the night, well, early morning before with Kaveh tucked neatly against him. Alhaitham had his arms wrapped around the blonde so that it wouldn't go unnoticed if Kaveh tried to escape, just in case Alhaitham fell asleep, which he did.

He reached out an arm to pull Kaveh close again, and was met with an empty bed. Not yet opening his eyes, Alhaitham sat up on the edge of the bed, got his still tired legs under himself, and stumbled into their living room.

There were new curtains, and new couch pillows to match them. All the books were neatly organized, and fresh flowers were on each of the tables. In the corner, a large potted plant had been added. Every surface was perfectly polished, not a thing out of place, and the air smelled of mint. Kaveh's shoes were by the door, right next to his own, but there was no Kaveh. Alhaitham moved to the kitchen.

Just as the living room had been, every surface in the kitchen was sparkling clean. Another vase of flowers sat in the center of their table, where a new table cloth had been added, to match the new seat cushions. The curtains in this room had also been changed to match.

Again, the scent of fresh mint lingered in the air, but Kaveh was nowhere to be seen. Alhaitham moved to Kaveh's old room, where Kaveh still worked.

This room was vastly different from the others. The blankets, and sheets had been changed on what was now the spare bed, but everything else was a disaster.

Kaveh's drawing supplies, which were usually neatly placed right where he wanted them, were strewn across both the desk, and floor. The ones on the floor looked like they had been swiped off, rather than having fallen. There was crumpled paper everywhere. Drawing, after drawing discarded. Alhaitham picked one up, and tried his best to flatten it back out.

It was a detailed drawing of a building face. There were pillars that led to arches, and flowers handing down across the front to create living privacy curtains. Even with as inept as Alhaitham was with architecture, he could see that it would be a magnificent building. So, why was it discarded?

He picked up other papers, uncrumpling each of them. They were all different versions of what seemed to be the same building, and they were all beautiful. Alhaitham was no artist, but it seemed like these drawings should have been kept, if only for future projects.

Once he had each of them flattened back out, he set them in a pile on the desk. That was when he saw what must have been the newest version of the building.

It was obviously the same building, but bland. Next to the paper was a note showing a list of all the aesthetic features the client had turned down, and it was impressively long. As had happened many times before, there were contradicting notes. More of something, then less of the same thing. This thing darker, that thing brighter, and the other thing less curved.

"Ridiculous," Alhaitham muttered, "These people are utterly ridiculous."

He grew anxious. Kaveh was home, he was certain of it, but even Alhaitham's overly sensitive hearing picked up nothing. Kaveh's little studio was usually where he could find the blonde when his anxiety finally took a nosedive off a cliff, but not this time.

Alhaitham turned towards their room, "Kaveh?"

He winced at the loudness of his own voice, he hated talking loudly, but that was also when he heard whimper. Of course, the bathroom. Why hadn't he thought to check there? Alhaitham gently knocked on the door, but there was no response.

"Kaveh, are you alright?"

Still no response. Alhaitham turned the knob, grateful it wasn't locked, and pushed it open. At first, he thought Kaveh was asleep. He was sitting in the empty tub, fully clothed, knees brought up to his chest, and his head laying against the wall. Then Kaveh opened his eyes.

"Kaveh… why are you sitting in the bathtub?"

Nothing. Alhaitham sat on his knees, and took Kaveh's hand, but it still didn't get his attention. Kaveh looked broken, and worn out. Mentally wrecked by being overwhelmed over, and over, and trying to push it all down, convinced he had to be stronger.

Alhaitham pulled him close, so that Kaveh's head rested on his shoulder, and began to rub slow circles on the redhead's back. Alhaitham had to work against the demons pulling at his conscience.

You knew this was coming, you should have put a stop to it.

How could you just sit back, and watch him fall?

Kaveh needed you, and you weren't there for him. You let him down.

Nothing that bad would have happened if you'd just stopped him. This is far worse.

Letting him spiral is betraying him.

It was true, wasn't it? He had failed Kaveh. Their friends had failed Kaveh. Every one of them stepped back, and let Kaveh tumble down the cliff until he couldn't get back up anymore. That was what happened, wasn't it?

No. That was not correct. Alhaitham knew the real answers to those horrible questions nagging at him.

He saw it coming, but knew all too well that Kaveh would have become angry at interference.

Alhaitham didn't sit back, and watch it happen. He did his best to get Kaveh to eat, and drink as much as possible. Their friends had dropped off care packages, and kept an ever close eye on Kaveh.

Kaveh needed them, and they were all there, making sure they had what was needed to help him. Alhaitham was ready to catch him.

Everything would have happened if Alhaitham were to step in where it wasn't wanted, before Kaveh felt like he needed it. It had happened before, and he'd thought he'd lost Kaveh forever. It would have been more than a fight, it would have been another catastrophic explosion that they might not come back from.

Alhaitham was not betraying Kaveh, he was being there for him in the ways that were needed. He was carried along by the rays of light that followed the ever flowing, twisting, and turning river that was Kaveh.

Kaveh still hadn't spoken to Alhaitham, or even tried to move. Alhaitham held him, trying his best to comfort him. He didn't want to move Kaveh if he wasn't ready to be moved, but his legs were becoming numb. He'd have to get up soon.

"Kaveh?"

There was no answer, not even a twitch.

"Let's get you to bed."

It was worrisome that Kaveh still wasn't responsive. When Kaveh's anxiety would overcome him, he would usually have something to say, even if he was dead tired, but he hadn't uttered a word. Alhaitham lifted him out of the tub, carried him to their room, and helped make him comfortable.

Kaveh's eyes were still open, somehow, but simply let Alhaitham remove clothes without even trying to help. He quietly set everything aside, covered Kaveh, and went to get water. Being the ex Acting Grand Sage had its advantages. Alhaitham was able to write a note, and ask the nearby guard to deliver it, or at least make sure it was given to a messenger.

When he returned to Kaveh's side, and took his hand again, Kaveh turned towards him. He looked at him like it was the first time he'd noticed he was there, but it wasn't long before he was starting to stare off into space again.

It didn't feel like Kaveh had a fever. He didn't seem to be in physical pain. When Kaveh had anxiety issues in the past, it always ended with Kaveh finally releasing the emotions he'd been pushing away, and not acknowledging. This was so different that Alhaitham didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help if Kaveh couldn't tell him.

Thankfully, help arrived in only minutes. Alhaitham was grateful the note had been passed along so quickly, and he had no doubt that Tighnari would have arrived as soon as he was able.

Tighnari rushed past Alhaitham, "I was just down at the hospital today. What's going on? You don't usually call me when he…"

"I… think he's fine, but he's not responding much. I was worried," he admitted as he led Tighnari to Kaveh.

"Hey, Kaveh," Tighnari said, sitting down on the bed next to him, "I stopped by to say hello."

The Ranger glanced his direction when Kaveh didn't even turn to look at him. Alhaitham shook his head, and Tighnari started talking quietly to Kaveh as he began to check him over. Alhaitham watched Kaveh closely for any reaction at all, but there was nothing.

Tighnari pulled the blankets back up to the blonde's chest, and motioned for Alhaitham to follow him away from Kaveh. He was hesitant to leave him, but he followed anyway.

"Well?" he asked his friend impatiently, a tone which Tighnari chose to ignore.

"When was the last time he slept, or even took an actual break?"

Alahitham shook his head, "I kept trying to get him to rest, but he wouldn't. I thought I had finally succeeded last night, but… I fell asleep, and he got up."

He wasn't happy with himself. Any of the normal, logical part of his brain, the part he would use to assess a situation, and determine if he could have done something different, it flew out the window the second he woke without Kaveh in his arms. He'd messed up, and Kaveh was suffering for it.

Tighnari stepped into his field of vision, closer than he'd let most people get, "Alhaitham, this isn't your fault, and if you keep blaming yourself you might as well say it's mine, and Cyno's fault, too. We all knew where this was headed, and we did what we could."

"That's unreasonable. This is different, I'm responsible for him. I should have taken better care, or pushed more."

"Okay. I think we all know he'd hit you over the head if he heard you say that, and he definitely would have hit you over the head if you'd tried to do anything more. I understand that you feel responsible for his well-being, but even you can't do everything, Alhaitham. I can already tell that you have also been stressing, not hydrating enough, and are lacking in sleep."

Tighnari wasn't wrong, but Alhaitham didn't want to talk about it, "So what is it you think is going on with kaveh? I know that he'd shown all the symptoms of an anxiety attack, right up until today. Why is this different?"

"I think he's just… a little zoned out. His brain is processing information a little differently than it usually does. I'll keep an eye on him, and if something changes, we'll take him to the hospital. In the meantime, you are going to climb right up there next to him, and go to sleep."

Chapter Six: Recurrence

Kaveh had come out of it, and Alhaitham couldn't describe his relief. However, Kaveh was right back to stressing himself out, and now arguing with Alhaitham about it. This was frequently how the blonde responded when he felt embarrassed by Alhaitham, and calling in their friends for this matter counted as embarrassing in Kaveh's book. Alhaitham didn't understand that, it wasn't like they didn't know, and Kaveh would have been out right angry if he'd been dragged down to the hospital.

"You shouldn't have cancelled my appointments! I could have gone!"

Alhaitham sighed as the conversation came back to where they started, "No, you couldn't have. It would have been quite impossible, in fact. You should still be recuperating, not working. Lay down Kaveh."

"Oh, don't you talk to me like that! I can't rest, I have to catch up on everything because you cancelled it all for me! A lot of good that did."

"I wasn't talking to you like anything."

He was so frustrating sometimes. Kaveh wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what had happened, and why any of his plans and appointments had to be cancelled. Unfortunately he was too stubborn to admit it. There were times when his refusal to admit defeat was endearing, but there were times when Alhaitham was certain it was going to kill the blonde. It had certainly gotten him into far too much trouble.

The problem was Alhaitham also had an end to his rope. Kaveh was at every single point along that rope for him, and with Kaveh being the only important thing in his life, the man was also waiting at the end of it. Alhaitham had enough.

"You don't know what it was like, Kaveh. You have no idea what it was like to find you in the tub like that," his voice was low, and betraying his emotions, "You have no idea how badly that scared me, how worried I was, Kaveh. To have you completely responseless when I'm talking to you. I'll tell you. I was terrified that I was going to lose you, and this time would be forever. That I would never have you to hold again, to sit, and read with again, or to even eat with again. I was scared because you'd been stressed out to the point you stopped functioning, so stop yelling at me about appointments."

Kaveh had stopped talking. Alhaitham dropped down onto the divan, and put his hands over his face. He hadn't planned on telling Kaveh any of that, but he also hadn't gotten past it himself. It had gotten to the point that Alhaitham had started waking up frequently throughout the night just to check that Kaveh was still there, and that he was responsive.

He felt the couch dip next to him, and Kaveh's arms wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry, Haitham…"

Alhaitham looked at him again. It was obvious that Kaveh was now feeling guilty because of what he'd told the blonde, the exact reason he'd intended to never tell him. Alhaitham felt guilty right back.

"I'm sorry, Haitham. I'm sorry. There's too much, and I can't do it all. There are so many things that are calling for my attention at once, and it gets so loud that I can't think anymore. I can't exist anymore. I have to do it all. I have to because if I don't it won't go anywhere, and it won't go away. I - I'm not good enough, not for any of this… I'm not enough… I'm just not enough!"

Kaveh's words, words that he'd said before, hit like a ton of bricks falling from the sky. This was wrong. So, so incredibly wrong. Kaveh was one of the most productive people he knew, even with the drinking, and burning himself out, he just kept going until he couldn't. That was how they ended up here, both tired, and both having had enough. He loved Kaveh, more than anything else. Not a single thing in any universe anywhere was worth more.

"Kaveh, you are more than enough, and I need you to keep existing. You've been through a lot in your life, and while the aftermath of it all stays with you for the rest of your like, you can't always keep it in. It's okay not to. It's okay to take care of yourself before others. You don't need to feel bad for this, Kaveh. You need to let yourself rest, and recover from it."

He looked away from the intense look Kaveh was giving him, waiting for the escalation from his words. He didn't expect the blonde to actually do it, to just stop and take a long nap. Kaveh stood, and held out his hand for Alhaitham to take.

"I … I'm sorry it was hard for you, too. I didn't mean for it to be. Come on, let's get some rest."

Alhaitham found himself blinking at Kaveh, and at a loss for words. Kaveh rolled his eyes, and pulled him off the couch by his arm.

"Don't look so surprised, you literally just said I should get some rest!"

"... I didn't expect it to work," Alhaitham said, then schooled his expression, "I believe I may be in shock. You may need to take me to the hospital."

Kaveh rolled his eyes again, let go of Alhaitham, and started walking down the hall.

"You could at least keep me warm. I believe I feel a tremor coming on," Alhaitham deadpanned as he trailed behind Kaveh.

It really was shocking, winning an argument against Kaveh about the blonde's work, and sleeping habits. Usually, the fight would just go on, and on until it looped back around to start again. Alhaitham felt this might be a good sign.

Perhaps he'd try persuading him to change his ideals, even if only slightly. A yawn snuck up on Alhaitham, and he followed Kaveh to their room. Those ideals would have to wait until after their nap.

Kaveh

Kaveh ignored it. He just kept working, pushing anything back that wasn't work. It was only partly due to overworking, but the overworking came from feeling the depression snaking its way in.

Overworking caused exhaustion, and exhaustion pulled in more emotions for him to push back. In the back of his mind, Kaveh knew this was a terrible, vicious cycle that he would repeat, yet he fell into it every single time.

Go, go, go until you can't anymore. Keep going because you need to make sure you are done with helping others before you break.

I can't do it, a few drinks will help push it back.

You've failed Alhaitham.

I can't ask for help, it would burden others.

You already burden others.

I can hide in my work.

You can't stay here, it makes you more pathetic.

I'll hide in something else, then…

You've fallen, because you are a failure.

You're bad at everything.

Weak.

You're bad at everything.

A nuisance.

You are bad at everything.

Kaveh couldn't walk in a straight line. He couldn't even see properly to walk in a straight line. He knew he'd been throughout the house, cleaning everything he could find. Why? Because he was trying so, so hard not to acknowledge the tears that wouldn't stop streaming down his face.

He knelt, and found the closest thing to grab on to, the tub, and he was done. He couldn't ignore the pain anymore, he couldn't ignore how badly he'd failed, himself, his father, his mother, and Alhaitham. He couldn't ignore how his face, and eyes burned, and his body was shaking. It hurt. It all hurt. It was too much.

Kaveh cried out for his mother, wanting to be held. He needed her.

She doesn't want you, she will not come.

Kaveh cried out for his father, to feel his hand in his own one more time.

He's gone because of you.

Kaveh cried for Alhaitham, feebly croaking out his name. Why wasn't he there?

He's left you too, Kaveh. You're too much to handle, too much of a burden. You hurt everyone, Kaveh. Stop hurting everyone.

Kaveh could feel his movements, he could feel himself crawl over the rim of the tub, and cold metal at his back. He couldn't do it anymore, he didn't want to.

Warmth. There was warmth touching his hand. It was comforting.

Kaveh opened his eyes to a gray haired little boy with beautiful teal eyes holding his hand. The boy had the smallest, sweet little smile. Their fingers intertwined, small hands fitting perfectly together. He knew this boy, he loved this boy.

On his other side, a much larger hand took his free hand, and he looked up. Kaveh was met with his father's bright smile looking down at him, and Kaveh smiled back. He was happy. He had everything he ever needed with no cares in the world.

They sat together on a soft blanket on a grassy hill, and ate lunch together. A picnic on a beautiful sunny day. After food, he and Alhaitham danced around, and pretended to be birds flying free in the wind. Kaveh's heart swelled as he felt peace that he hadn't felt in such a long time.

Eventually, he and Alhaitham flopped back down on the blanket, tired from their fun. Kaveh's father picked him up, and snuggled him close as his eyes began to close, Alhaitham already asleep on the blanket.

"I hope you had a wonderful day, my sweet boy," his father said as he laid his head on top of Kaveh's.

"I did! I… I wish I could visit here more…"

His father shook his head, "You can't, my love. This place… it's not where you really belong."

"But dad, why can't I? I want to be wherever you are! I don't want you to leave me again – Please!"

Alhaitham stirred on the blanket, reached a hand up to Kaveh, and placed it comfortingly on his back.

"Kaveh, I know how much you've missed me. I've missed you too, so, so much, but you belong out there, with him."

His father nodded at Alhaitham, who turned over, and opened his eyes. There was too much worry in those child's eyes, too much love, too much everything, and it was for him, and him only. Alhaitham was his family, and Kaveh had vowed to himself to be there, for better or for worse. Similar to the promise Alhaitham had made with the rings.

Kaveh was a waste of his time, a flake who couldn't handle simple tasks without breaking into pieces. Still yet, he could see the love in Alhaitham's eyes. When they argued, when they were making love, or where they were sitting quietly.

He didn't understand that look, but he soaked it up like a sponge. He needed it, he thrived on it. He needed Alhaitham. His one and only, the person he'd go to the ends of Teyvat and the end of time with.

Kaveh's father kissed his small hands, and his forehead before he put Kaveh down, and turned to walk away. It felt like borrowed time, and Kaveh knew that it could only be a dream, but it didn't make it any less hard to watch him disappear from his life once more.

Strong arms wrapped around him this time, and he sunk into those familiar arms. His eyes fluttered open, crusty from dried tears, to see Tighnari looking back at him. He started to move, but his friend quickly put his hands up to stop him, and nodded towards Alhaitham, who was nestled up to him, arms curled around him, and snoring softly. He looked so relaxed when he slept, and Kaveh didn't dare say a word, knowing how sensitive Alhaitham's hearing could be.

Instead, he stopped moving, and let his eyes drift shut again, not thinking about why Tighnari was there, and watching over them. Kaveh was tired.

~xxxxxxxxxx~

Kaveh knew he was being stubborn, and yes, he was completely lying about not being tired, but there was just so much to catch up on. He couldn't let it just keep piling up, so here he was, fighting with Alhaitham about stupid things.

Why? Because stress, of course. Was he being overly grumpy about it? Yes, but why did Tighnari have to come? Why did he have to watch over them? It wasn't only Tighnari, Cyno had been bringing by food every day. His friends had seen him sick or hurt plenty of times, had seen him beyond stressed before, but it didn't make it easier to deal with the fact that it was embarrassing. A full-grown man who couldn't take care of himself, and had to rely on his friends to do so. How sad was that?

Aside from being told where he'd been found, also embarrassing, Kaveh didn't remember too much beyond a meeting with his last client. It was like a foggy realm where reality, and dreams met, and everything within was nearly shapeless. Everything but his father's face, and a sweet little boy he remembered seeing in his childhood, Alhaitham. He was trying not to let it break him, just barely holding it together from that alone.

Work would stop him from thinking about it. That's what he had expected to be doing. What Kaveh didn't expect was for Alhaitham to respond back with so much emotion. Usually it was some level-headed, bland speech about taking care of himself properly. This time, though, Alhaitham's voice wavered, and he was trembling slightly. It was so very rare that Alhaitham let this kind of emotion out that it stopped Kaveh in his tracks.

That's when Kaveh's anger dissipated, replaced by guilt, and concern of his own. Only now had he truly looked at Alhaitham, and realized that he looked exhausted, and stressed as he finally snapped back, and flopped onto the couch.

Alhaitham hadn't even gotten dressed in the past two days, and even with as much of a lazy bones the scribe tended to be, he'd still make himself presentable each day. The silver-haired man being like this wasn't something that just happened every day.

It was pathetic. Someone cares for you, you snap at them for it, and all they get is a stupid hug and a few words. Alhaitham should have scoffed at that, but he didn't. Instead, he pulled away, and guilt took over those teal eyes. Kaveh stared, and stared. This was not a look that he wanted to see on Alhaitham. Kaveh realized what he had to do.

He supposed the shock on Alhaitham's face was warranted when he relented, if only to get the silly scribe to get the much-needed rest he obviously needed. Could he complain about Kaveh if he looked like that? Kaveh had decided to avoid mirrors for several days, so he could deny how terrible he knew he must look, and decided not to ask that out loud. Alhaitham would certainly have an answer.

In fact, Kaveh decided to ignore the nonsense that was currently spouting from Alhaitham about actually "being in shock", and walked away, his scribe would follow anyway. He knew he could get wrapped up in his own world, but he'd come to realize over time that his own world wasn't really his own anymore.

It was theirs. Note:

Some of you know what this is like, but it's nearly impossible for me to truly put it into words. It's everything - you aren't good enough for everyone, you can't please everyone, the world is better off without you, you are failing everything and everyone, you can't find success, you are a horrible mother, you are a horrible wife, you should be doing more, you are pathetic because you can't handle everything, you don't deserve help, you are stupid, you are worthless, you are so pathetic that you're sitting here crying about not being able to handle everything instead of actually handling them.

I know these voices, and I know these words. Even if you have these problems, it's so much easier to tell someone else you know with mental health issues that they are NONE of these things, than it is to tell yourself and believe it.

To everyone who needs to hear it - NONE OF IT IS TRUE. None of it. Every single one of you is deserving, and wonderful. Take care.