Enjoy!

The Long Way Home

Part 12

Berry Bad

Chapter 3/3

Sasuke woke up.

Then he really wished he hadn't.

His head was pounding, his stomach was roiling, everything ached and he felt sticky with sweat. The last sensation was made worse by the feeling of something very warm pressed up against his side.

He pushed the warm thing off him, groaned and sat up, a handheld gingerly to his head just in case his brains did in fact puncture his temple as the pounding there threatened it might.

He heard an 'ooof' beside him and realised it must have been Naruto that had been pressed up against him. That was weird.

"Why are you sleeping so close?" Sasuke asked annoyed.

He heard Naruto yawn. "I guess this means you're not high anymore," he observed.

"High?" Sasuke questioned confused.

Just what had he done to himself to make him feel this way? He hadn't even felt this way the day after drinking the demonic apple cider.

Fighting down the pain and the nausea he slowly got to his feet.

"I'm half naked," Sasuke noticed dimly.

When Naruto didn't comment he made himself look down at his companion who was rubbing the back of his head and blushing faintly.

"Why am I half naked?"

"I guess you don't remember anything either," Naruto said nervously.

Sasuke frowned as he tried to remember exactly why he was shirtless. Slowly but surely some of the visuals from last night presented themselves for his inspection. He vaguely remembered taking his own shirt off before Naruto demanded him to go to sleep before he knocked him out.

"Relax dobe, you didn't do anything wrong."

Naruto did seem to relax in that moment a little but tried to look indignant at the same time.

"Of course I didn't! Just what kind of a person do you think I am?!"

Sasuke tried not to wince at the pain caused by Naruto's boisterous denials.

"So why were you laying half on top of me?" Sasuke repeated.

Naruto still looked a little nervous though still just as annoyed as he replied a lot more quietly.

"It was better than having to tie you up again. I didn't want you to wander off again."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this.

"Don't ask," Naruto advised.

Normally he wouldn't be so easily put off, but then normally his head wasn't trying to make a run for it out of his ear so for the moment he let it go. Besides, Naruto was probably just joking. For now he was far more worried about why he felt this way rather than any blank spots in his memory

As little bits and pieces came back to him he realised why he felt the way he did and honestly he started to get a little embarrassed. Eating those berries had been monumentally stupid. But he remembered being so hungry and out of it at the time that he'd felt that the berries were his savior.

He never would have eaten them had he been in his right mind.

After that things became a lot more blurry. He remembered Naruto's expressions a lot for some reason ranging from concerned, embarrassed, annoyed and all the way through to stubborn. Visuals were coming to him a lot easier, but words were more difficult to pin down. Overall he felt pretty embarrassed about the whole ordeal but it wouldn't do him any favours to show this to Naruto.

Still, there were a lot of blank spots in his memory that just refused to come back at the moment but he figured that time and recovery would help him out with that.

I mean, how bad or more embarrassing could the rest be?

It wasn't until later when they were back on the road after Sasuke insisted he was okay to travel and now starting to regret it that he found out just how much worse things could indeed be.

"Ne Sasuke?" Naruto began, "Do you remember what we talked about last night?"

The sun seemed to be burning a hole into his head directly through his eyeballs right now. He felt that any moment his brain was going to burst into flames, which would be sort of a relief since it would stop the persistent migraine. Sasuke felt at this point that remembering his own name would be a feat in itself.

"Should I?"

"Well, it's just that you said some pretty strange things, that's all. I wanted to know if you meant what you said."

"About what?"

Naruto looked at him with a vague kind of smile and shrugged.

"Doesn't matter."

Sasuke let it go. For one thing walking and talking at the same time were not easy things to do at present. And secondly because he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what possibly embarrassing things he must have said while high.

But the thought nagged at him until dusk when the pair set up camp and settled down to cook dinner that Sasuke forced himself to remember the details. The sunlight was dim now in the beginning twilight and with the receding sun his headache had started to lessen its influence also. He watched the firelight flicker in front of him as he sat on his blankets and let his mind wander back to last night.

Then he felt his face go hot.

He'd asked Naruto to take advantage of him. Brilliant. No wonder the dobe looked nervous. And freaked out. Sasuke had been very forward under the berry influence and it annoyed him greatly to remember how unrestrained he'd acted. He remembered how he'd felt at the time though and it shocked him that he could feel a need like that.

He also remembered Naruto heatedly refusing like it would be taking advantage of the situation and Sasuke felt vaguely thankful for that. Not that he would have been disturbed in the slightest if he had managed to persuade Naruto to be anything other than his overly honorable self, but mainly because not giving in had reassured him that Naruto knew he wasn't completely himself. Mainly it reassured him that whatever he might have said and done last night, at least Naruto understood that Sasuke had been under the influence and not to be taken seriously on anything he might have said as well as done.

So he thought that perhaps Naruto had been asking about Sasuke's physical requests mainly. And while that was uncomfortable to think about how unrestrained he was, Naruto was still unsure about whether he had meant it. Good, he didn't want to think about that much himself and letting Naruto believe it had just been a high glitch was much more preferable.

But then he remembered another conversation as well. Naruto had asked if they were really friends and Sasuke had sort of said yes. Sasuke wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. He didn't want deep and meaningful attachments, not now, possibly not ever again. But he'd felt so at the time and so he'd told Naruto they were.

Fuck.

And then came the conversation about staying. He didn't know where that one had come from. True he had been feeling more relaxed lately than he could ever remember feeling. True here he was free of his problems, his previous actions and certain people too. But did that mean he was really thinking of staying?

The more Sasuke thought it over the more he realised that yes, he might have meant that one at least. It wasn't like running away, it was more like moving on despite what Naruto had told him. In a new place with a new life he might have a chance to keep this newfound feeling of freedom from ever going away. He still wasn't totally sure if he was sold on the idea, but it certainly warranted more thinking about.

If he found somewhere he liked and felt comfortable in it might just be what he needed, even if it was just for a little time. Unlike Naruto, Sasuke wasn't thrilled about the idea of going back. Delaying his return to the five nations could only help him rather than harm him where so many enemies and no friends waited for him like a dark cloud on a very distant horizon looming ever closer the further they traveled towards it.

"Which part of last night did you want to know about?" Sasuke asked Naruto curiously. He wanted to set things straight, especially about the first two things he'd remembered.

Naruto had been talking about something or other and stopped mid-sentence when Sasuke joined

the conversation

"You remember?"

"I think so."

Naruto looked a little panicked. "Well any of it, I guess."

"Well then, if we had done what we usually do with each other last night it wouldn't have bothered me much. But the restraint was still appreciated. I think you knew I was acting... out of character. And you can't honestly believe after all this time and all that has happened that we can just start being best friends like it's all water under the bridge."

Naruto blinked in surprise and then frowned deeply. "You can't mean that."

"What, about the friendship or the touching?"

"The friendship!" Naruto exclaimed hotly. "Fine, we've had our differences but lately we've gotten really close and I-"

Sasuke held up his hand to stop him. "Don't confuse companionship with deep and meaningful feelings. We are traveling companions. You said it yourself one night, I was never that kind of friend."

"You're taking that totally out of context!"

"Just because I don't find your company all that horrifying and that I have some trust in you doesn't mean we are the bestest of friends."

"You said you didn't know what we were if we weren't friends."

"So? That doesn't mean I said we were. I just said that I didn't know what else to call it."

"That's not what you meant and you fucking know it!" Naruto almost yelled back at him.

Sasuke had a moment of surprise, which he couldn't really hide. Naruto was really angry about this when Sasuke was just trying to make it easier on them both. Close ties with people did no good in the end as far as he could see. It led to confusion and often hurt and he didn't see the appeal. He had thought Naruto might realise this about him by now but evidently he was still holding out some hope that they could be the close friends Naruto had wanted them to be.

But the force in which Naruto apparently believed this was still a shock. Half the time he called Sasuke a jerk, the other half he was calling him an asshole. And Sasuke didn't actually mind that dynamic, and he had thought deep down that Naruto had sort of accepted that things between them weren't ever going to get any better than this.

"I don't understand why you're so angry," Sasuke told him honestly. "Can't you be happy with the idea of an understanding between us if nothing else? It's more than you had before with me. And it's more than I've had with anyone else in a very long time."

Naruto actually looked too angry to yell for a moment. He looked crushed and pissed at the same time if that was possible.

"You really are going to stay here, aren't you?" Naruto asked a moment later.

"Perhaps. I need to think about it."

"Then why the fuck are we traveling together then?" Naruto asked angrily.

"Don't get so bent out of shape. What the hell do you care if I stay or travel onwards?"

Naruto stood up quickly and glared at Sasuke. "I care about you, asshole! I care what you do. Well I did, I'm not so sure anymore."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Leave then, if it bothers you that much."

To Sasuke's absolute surprise Naruto narrowed his eyes at him and with a determined step, strode over to his bag and snatched it up off the ground from where he had dropped it. Sasuke watched Naruto stuff his things into his bag without another word.

"This is a little childish, don't you think? Just get some sleep."

"You're the one that told me to leave. You don't think I care what you do," Naruto told him darkly pulling the bag strap over his head and straightening up. "Even when I tell you I care about you, you still don't believe me because you don't care and you don't understand how I could. So if I shouldn't care, why are you even trying to get me to stay with you?"

"Good point."

"Fuck you Sasuke."

"I doubt it."

"This isn't some kind of joke asshole! I liked traveling with you, I thought after everything we might become friends again! How can you look after someone as much as we do to each other and not care?"

"I thought that was part of the deal, temporary allies, remember?" Sasuke returned annoyed now. "You watch my back, I watch yours. I'm just doing what we agreed to."

"You really think I wouldn't help you if you didn't help me?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"That's not what I meant. You're way too overbearing for that. But I don't like being indebted. So because of what I've already done for you, I don't feel guilty about yesterday though I do have to talk to you about tying people up. It's actually a healthy way to look at it if you ask me."

"Healthy? Are you out of your mind? You don't actually think that, do you? You're supposed to help other people because you want to."

Sasuke knew he was winding him up now purely and simply. Truthfully he didn't really understand why he'd looked after Naruto when he was injured and sick before, it had just seemed like the obvious thing to do at the time. No real thought apart from that had gone into it.

"Put your bag down and don't be stubborn," Sasuke told him. "You can't expect me to believe you're going to part ways with me just because I don't think of us as friends. You already knew that before and you're not going to leave after what you've already said about sticking together."

"You're so fucking confident, huh? What's the matter, you going to get bored if you don't have me to fool around with anymore?"

Sasuke didn't answer him, which was probably a mistake. But what Naruto said might not be far wrong. He'd gotten so used to having Naruto around that he did feel a little weird about the thought of him leaving. But if Naruto wasn't his friend like he kept insisting it can't have just been a companionship/ally thing. He just didn't want this little convenience thing of theirs to stop. That had to be it, right?

He was not invested the way the Kyuubi suggested he might be. No. Fucking. Way.

Apparently his silence was all Naruto needed and as Sasuke watched his blue eyes widen he realised that not even Naruto had really believed what he had said. At least not until Sasuke refused to answer the question. He realised that a lot of Naruto's show of packing up and preparing to leave might have been a show more than a determined want to leave. But he might have just pushed him past show in that moment.

"You're even more of a bastard than I thought you were," Naruto told him steadily.

"I'm realistic," Sasuke corrected. "Being allies was smart when we thought we were in danger. The only danger we face now is what we do to ourselves. We don't really need each other anymore, remember? Why else would we stay together?"

"I told you it was because I cared."

It had been a very long time since he had seen Naruto look so hurt. But unlike the last time Naruto wasn't desperate to keep him from leaving. Now he just looked angry, like he wanted nothing more than to get away from him right now. That was a look that Sasuke had never seen from him.

"I'm guessing that's changed."

Naruto's features hardened, probably realising that Sasuke was reading his expression.

"Apart from staying behind, did you mean anything you said last night?"

By now, Sasuke was sure that most everything had come back to him while he had been thinking it over earlier. He'd said a lot to Naruto about why he acted the way he did and he wasn't sure if he'd meant it. Then again he wasn't certain he didn't either. Before last night he'd never really thought about it much. He just assumed that he didn't like people in general and preferred to keep his private thoughts private.

He had never pondered whether there was some deep and meaningful reason behind it all, it was just the way it was. So either the berries had given him the first real great insight into the workings on his own psyche or he'd been talking utter shit. He probably wouldn't know for sure which was true until he'd given it some careful sober thought. It wasn't something he really wanted to believe was true though because what he'd said was pretty bleak and very depressing really. But either way he didn't want Naruto to think he was such a sad and pathetic person either.

"Mostly I think I was trying to get you to take off my pants."

Naruto looked away from him then.

"My caring about you hasn't changed. But I think I really want it to."

It took a little while for Sasuke to realise that Naruto was answering his question from before and he was surprised at his own reaction to it. He was used to causing pain, using whoever and whatever was around him to give him the results he needed but this was perhaps the first real time he felt a little sick about it. And apparently he wasn't the only one.

Even after Naruto left, Sasuke still couldn't quite come to terms with what had just suddenly happened. He didn't think any power in the world could have made Naruto so angry to leave him like this so much so that it took his brain a little while to realise that it had just in fact happened.

Naruto kept walking throughout the night. Rage fuelled his steps for hours as he walked just wanting to put as much distance in between Sasuke and him as he could. He'd been trying so hard to make things okay between them and nothing seemed to ever get through to him. And what made it worse was that he realised it shouldn't have surprised him.

But as anger began to fade and his steps slowed a little he understood why Sasuke could be so unfeeling about it all.

Sasuke had been hurt so badly, been so led astray by the people he had placed his trust in so early in life that leaving yourself open like that to another person would have felt frightening. Sasuke in his own way had sort of tried to tell him that what they had was as close as Sasuke was willing to get to another person but Naruto still felt cheated. Understanding the motives was one thing but Sasuke's blatant refusal to get close to anyone and admit it had tested Naruto's last raw nerve about their relationship.

Sasuke managed to dash his hopes at every turn and Naruto was sick of feeling this way. He was SICK of putting in the effort to get no acknowledgment or response other than Sasuke's usual dismissive attitude. And what really hurt was that Sasuke really did seem to care about him sometimes so either he was lying about caring or Naruto had just been feeling what he wanted to feel rather than face the reality. But he couldn't believe it had all been wishful thinking. Surely Sasuke felt something.

He had wanted so badly for Sasuke to understand that being close to someone didn't have to mean getting hurt. And while he could understand the reluctance Sasuke had, he couldn't understand how Sasuke could act the way he did around him and still feel so little about him.

Sasuke seemed to care sometimes. He looked after him when he was sick and injured, he even seemed to show concern and worry occasionally. But still he insisted Naruto was nothing more than a travelling companion and frustration relief. And Naruto didn't want to pretend to believe Sasuke didn't mean what he said this time.

Naruto had felt good last night when Sasuke had told him they were friends, the first acknowledgment that Naruto was starting to get through to him. It had been a heart-warming moment. But apparently Sasuke had just been high or hadn't meant it in the way Naruto thought he had.

Either way, enough was enough. Naruto was through with him. If Sasuke wanted to keep his distance from people so badly, then he could enjoy being well and truly alone.

TBC in Part 13