A/n: Had to keep the rating at K so it's not described too much. The turtles are 10 years old in this one.
Warning: Dark and angsty.
Requested by 'Only Hope No Fear'
Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles and Splinter.
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Intuition
"NO!"
The young turtle shot up, his own voice reverberating back several times before the echoes faded into ringing silence.
His green eyes were wide with terror and cold sweat was running down his face while his fingers digged into his arms.
He breathed hard as his gaze inspected the surrounding area and his mind finally began to register that he was in his room, not that horrifying place where everything turns red, where greens fade to greys.
Raph shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to forget the horrible images that shoved their way into the front of his mind, the remnants of his nightmare triggering his memory, reminding him of the rest of the dark dream which he had barely begun to forget.
"No. I'm sorry." He clutched his head as his heartbeat pounded in his ears, "I didn't mean to..." He murmured lowly, trying to push those images away when suddenly, the sound of footsteps rushing towards his room was heard.
Raphael's head snapped up at the noise, watching warily as the knob was turned and the door of his room was pushed open, his brother's head peeking in.
"Raph? You okay? I felt-" The blue-masked turtle took one look at the terror-filled orbs and froze, his concerned expression intensifying even more.
"Raph?"
Leo proceeded with stepping inside the room and shut the door behind him, approaching the huddled form of his younger brother. Raph flinched and immediately scrambled back, pulling his knees upto his chest and wrapping his arms around them. His shell hit the headboard, halting him from backing away any further.
"S-Stay away from me!"
Leo's steps faltered for a moment before he took a breath and continued again, walking next to him with his gaze fixed on the scared turtle, his expressions soft, concerned and trustful.
He took a seat beside the red-clad ninja, gently grabbing his brother's shoulder.
"Raph?"
"N-No. Please." Raph shook his head, trying to brush Leo's hand away while still not meeting his gaze, "I don' wanna hurt you."
"You won't." Leo whispered as he took hold of both his shoulders, "Now look at me."
Another shudder ran through Raphael and his only response was to tighten his arms and hide his face into his knees. Leonardo bit his lip, deciding to change the tactics.
"C'mon, Raphie. Please?" The elder turtle pleaded, using the nickname that his brother loved so much but never wanted to admit it.
It worked and Raph slowly gazed up at his best friend, his whole body trembling and his breathing uneven and ragged.
"Was it a nightmare?"
A small nod.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Leo asked softly, knowing that it must have been terrible to freak his brother out so much. The second eldest usually didn't get nightmares but when he did, they had a tendency to end up being extremely horrifying. Judging by Raphael's reaction, it seemed that this one was the worst one yet, as he had never seen his brother so shaken up before.
"I... I don't know... I want to forget it."
Leo put his arm around the other turtle's shoulders, pulling him close, "Then think about other things, okay? Distract your thoughts." Raph leaned against him, following the suggestion as both brothers fell into silence.
As the silence stretched on, Leonardo's thoughts drifted to a few years back, to the night Raph's phobia of bugs was developed. He was there when it happened, when his brother tripped and fell into the garbage polluting a closed tunnel.
He remembered vividly the paralysing terror which took over his immediately younger brother and the hoard of insects that crawled over the tot's small body.
The roaches. The bugs. There had been so many of them that the sewer floor appeared to be moving, an illusion caused due to their enormous amount. He remembered his brother's terrified screams, which had panicked even him.
After that night, for many others that followed, Raph's dreams had been plagued by the flashbacks of that moment, twisting into something much more gruesome than the actual event. Leo remembered the various times when they all woke up in the middle of the night by the sound of his yells, comforting him till he was calm once again.
But this? This seemed to be far worse than those entomophobic nightmares and the eldest turtle wondered what his brother could have seen that put him in such a state.
"I killed you."
The whispered words caught Leo off guard and he stared dumbfoundedly at Raph, who had stopped shaking and was staring into space, his thoughts taking him miles away.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm trying so hard to forget them but they just won't go away." Raphael didn't seem to hear him, his eyes glazed over, "Make them go away, Leo! Please."
"Hey hey, it's okay. Just tell me what you saw."
"I-I..." Raph shut his eyes and gulped, unable to bring himself to say the next few words. Leo squeezed his shoulder in encouragement.
"We were sparring." Raph started with a tremble in his usually tough voice, "One of those lessons where it's free for all, y'know."
"Yeah... Then what happened?"
"One minute we were competing to win when one of you guys tripped me from behind. I fell, lost the match and was attacking you in the next minute as rage took over me."
Leo lowered his head, turning his gaze downwards and frowning in thought as he kept listening to his brother's story.
"I couldn't accept that I lost. I was so angry and everything became red and- and- " He couldn't continue anymore. It was just too much for the young turtle and a sob escaped him.
"I'm a freakin' Monster!"
He yelled out in a mixture of anger and gulit, punching his mattress so hard that it startled his brother. Raph's knuckles were white from the force he was clenching his fingers and he slowly relaxed his fists.
His fingers unclenched and he brought his hands to his face, covering it and slumping down, "I'm a monster..."
The blue-clad turtle's eyes went wide in shock as his mind connected the dots, quickly figuring out what Raph had meant. He pulled his arm and shifted his position so he was sitting in front of his overwhelmed brother instead of beside him.
"Raphael, look at me."
When Raph refused to comply, Leo gently grabbed his brother's fingers and pried them away to reveal a tear-stained face and reddened eyes.
His baby brother was a mess! He wouldn't allow that.
"You are NOT a monster, Raph. Understand?" His voice was full of conviction and confidence as he said that, cupping Raph's cheek and swiping his thumb across it to wipe the tears, "You're my little brother, not a monster."
"But what if-?"
"Don't." Leo cut him off, "You will never be able to do that to any of us, Raph. And if that ends up happenig, I'll stop you and do whatever I can to snap you out of it and you will stop and casually ask me 'How's it going, brother?' like nothing had happened."
Raphael fell silent for a moment as he registered his brother's words and the surety he heard in them.
"Promise?"
His voice was small and vulnerable as he asked this, hesitantly looking up at his big brother.
Leo wrapped his arms around the younger turtle, enveloping him in a protective hug, "I promise, otouto."
Fresh tears formed in the acid green orbs, these different than his previous tears. He squeezed his eyes shut and the glistening droplets tumbled down his face as the red-clad turtle hugged his brother back with all his strength, burying his face in the elder's shoulder.
"Leo." He hiccuped as a hand ran down his shell in a soothing motion, "Ani..."
"Shhh. I'm here, otouto."
"Don't leave, ani."
"Never."
With another shuddering breath, Raph wept, releasing all the fear, terror, doubt, anger, panic, sorrow, loneliness and every other negative emotion which clouded his mind.
He kept sobbing for a long time, holding on to his big brother as if he'd disappear from sight if he let go. His brother's shoulder was covered in tears but Leo didn't seem to care, murmuring soothing words into his ear and comforting him by stroking the back of his head.
Eventually, the ten year old cried himself to sleep, still enclosed in the protective embrace.
Leonardo held him for a long time before he released a small sigh and gently lowered his sleeping brother to the bed, laying him down. He caressed the side of Raph's face, a soft smile gracing his features.
"Sleep well, otouto." He whispered to the slumbering hothead, his hand moving to stroke the red-masked turtle's forehead, "Love you, Raphie."
Shuffling around, Leo sat up in a more comfortable position, determined to keep a vigil over Raph for the rest of the night.
His sheer stubbornness assisted him in this task for a few hours untill sometime around 4 AM, a yawn escaped the 10 year old turtle. His eyes drooped a little before he snapped them open, sitting upright and on alert so he wouldn't fall asleep. It was a losing battle though, since he dozed off after a few minutes and his head slumped downward, his body following.
And just like that, Leo gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep beside his little brother, both of them completely knocked out.
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When Splinter went to the blue-masked turtle's room the next day to wake him up for morning training, he found the bed empty, with no sign of his son anywhere in the room.
The ninja master raised an eyeridge at the empty bedroom and shut the door, assuming that his eldest was already awake.
Moving to the door next to it, he turned the knob and slid the door open to Raphael's room. He was about to call his son's name to wake him up when his eyes fell on the bed and he froze, gaping at the scene that greeted him.
His eldest sons were sleeping peacefully, cuddled together with Raph's head resting on his big brother's shoulder.
A soft smile formed on Splinter's face as he watched the scene for a moment before he silently shut the door and walked away, deciding that he could delay their morning training for a few more hours.
In the dark room, Raph and Leo slept soundlessly, unaware of everything around them except for each other's presence.