Chapter 20

Tundra

Day 5: Morning

Weiss awoke to a violent shiver running through her body.

She was cold.

Colder than she thought was possible. The tent flap must have come open during the night.

Her face was pressed hard into some rumpled cloth that was laced with the subtle scent of roses. She realized that she must have fallen asleep on Ruby's lap.

She smiled, knowing Ruby would inevitably make fun of her for the skirt-print that she knew she had on her face. She'd wake Ruby up and they'd continue their trip back to Atlas.

She sat up.

The brief moment of levity instantaneously evaporated.

A strangled whimper escaped her throat as reality slammed into her like a physical blow.

Ruby was dead.

And Weiss had killed her.

She wasn't in a tent. She was out in the open, exposed to the brutal cold of the tundra, sitting next to the pile of snow that Ruby's body still rested against. She had sobbed herself to sleep, eventually passing out with her face buried in Ruby's lap.

Ruby looked just as Weiss last remembered: strangely peaceful. A small smile forever frozen on her lips. Ruby's shirt and corset were caked and stained with dried blood; the white snow bank her body rested against now dyed a deep, dark red, almost black.

Weiss remembered that hat she had clasped Ruby to her chest as she died. She wondered if…She slowly looked down in horror, her entire front was stained with Ruby's blood. She gently brushed at it, trying to wipe it off her chest only to realize that her gloves were horrifically stained with blood as well.

Inexplicable panic gripped her, an iron vice squeezing her chest. She began frantically scrubbing at her chest and hands, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she desperately tried to get rid of the blood. To get rid of the evidence of her deed. But the only effect her frantic pawing had was to send flakes of dried blood falling to the snow.

Her frantic motions slowed, then stopped altogether. She stared at her trembling, gloved hands; somehow she could still see the blood stains despite the black fabric. Or maybe that was just her guilty conscience. What did it matter anyway? She couldn't hide what she'd done. She'd killed Ruby, and nothing could change that. She sighed, the panic subsiding.

She just felt numb now. Empty.

Another violent shiver ran through her. The only reason she was still alive right now was because her aura had been fighting to keep her warm the whole night and she could now feel that it was on its last dregs. She supposed she should rekindle the fire. With great effort, she tore herself away from her partner and began mechanically stacking the wood before igniting it with fire dust.

She sat by the now blazing fire as the warmth began to return feeling back to her extremities. Glancing around the campsite she saw the bright rays of the sun just beginning to peek over the distant horizon. Almost absently, she wondered why she hadn't been attacked by Grimm during the night; her outpouring of grief last night should have been like a beacon for them. A quick look around the camp showed her that the area around her and Ruby was coated with a fine layer of ash, some settling in some giant bootprints.

"Huh…" she mused aloud, she had somehow summoned Arma Gigas while asleep or blacked out. She was confused, she had no memory of using her semblance. Her memories after the…deed were just a blur of grief. She shrugged to herself. She honestly didn't have the energy to contemplate what that meant. Whatever had happened, she was alive.

As a snowflake hit her in the nose, she realized a small flurry had started, beginning to dust Ruby's body with a small amount of snow.

'That's not right…' she thought numbly, 'I should cover her…'

Unfortunately, there were no tarps or coverings in their small camp. Weiss' gaze landed on Ruby's red cloak. She nodded to herself. She was sure Ruby would approve.

She unclasped the cloak from Ruby's neck and set it aside. With surprisingly little emotion, she crossed Ruby's arms over her bloodied chest and brought her knees up, making her body as small as possible. She carefully wrapped Ruby up in the cloak she had treasured so much in life, fastening it with Ruby's emblem pin. Weiss nodded, satisfied with her work. She picked up Ruby's body and gently laid it down on the sled, tucking Crescent Rose in by Ruby's side, where it was meant to be.

She gazed numbly at the small red bundle for what must have been a long time, only breaking away when her stomach growled loudly; she sighed and pulled a ration out of the duffle bag, pulling the pin to heat it up. While the packet warmed, she took a quick tally of their food supplies. She realized that there was just enough rations for about two more days of travel, three if she ate sparingly; it was more than enough to make it back, at least now that she was the only one alive to eat them.

She walked back to the fire and mechanically began to eat her warmed-up ration. She stared into the fire, barely tasting the food she put into her mouth.

She still felt numb. She knew that she should be feeling more. Her best friend, the girl she loved, was dead and she felt…almost nothing; what little she did feel was muted, almost like it was someone else's feelings. She supposed it was just her mind protecting itself. Strong negative emotions attracted Grimm, which was something she couldn't afford right now. She was still exhausted and her whole body ached, especially her shoulders. Her aura was struggling just to keep her warm, barely having time to tend to her puncture wounds in her shoulders where the hound had pinned her to the ground yesterday.

She supposed that she should get moving while her apathy lasted. Feeling numb was preferable to the soul-crushing anguish of yesterday. She sighed heavily and stood, her left knee giving a painful twinge as she did; she took two pills from the first aid kit and swallowed them, hoping the anti-inflammatory would kick in soon, she had a lot of walking to do today.

She extinguished the fire by covering it in snow and began to pack up the sled. She hadn't even fully unpacked it yesterday so it didn't take very long. She stowed their supplies and secured Ruby's body with cords from the tent so it wouldn't fall off the sled. Ruby had heavily implied that Weiss should leave her body behind but there was no way in hell she'd ever do that. She'd promised that she would get Ruby home and she intended to keep that promise.

Finally, she walked over to where Myrtenaster lay in the snow, still in the exact same spot where she had thrown it aside after…after ending Ruby's life. She gingerly picked it up, a small dusting of snow falling off the sword, clearly revealing that Ruby's dried blood still coated the blade.

Her hands shook as she began to scrape the red flakes off of the blade. She couldn't leave it on her sword or it would rust.

'You just don't want to look at it…' a part of her thought bitterly, 'It's just another reminder that you murdered her…' that part of her was right. She sheathed the sword at her waist as tears gathered in her eyes. She shoved the voice deep down inside her. She couldn't afford strong emotions right now.

She made her way back to the sled and looked back at the now empty camp, back at the place where Ruby had spent her last few hours of life. Her eyes fell on the snow seat that Ruby had rested against, still horrifically stained with blood. Her chest tightened and grief began to trickle past her mental defenses, her jaw beginning to tremble.

"NO." she said out loud, shaking her head, "You can't afford to cry right now." she somehow tamped the feeling down, deep inside her soul. "You'll have plenty of time to cry back in Atlas…" she looked at the now empty space where the city once floated, having now fled high into the atmosphere and far to the west. "Or maybe when you're back in Mantle…" but even at this distance from the city, she could see black shapes flying over the buildings. The giant whale might have gone chasing after Atlas, but there were plenty of Grimm left to terrorize the survivors. She sighed heavily, "Then I'll cry when I'm safe...or dead…"

She scanned the terrain ahead and mentally charted the easiest route around the hills, drifts, and boulders. She also spotted several dead trees in the distance that she could harvest for firewood; she was sure Ruby wouldn't mind if she used Crescent Rose; its blade was better suited for felling trees than Myrtenaster. She'd head for Mantle, it was the only spot of civilization for hundreds of miles in any direction.

She sighed again, staring out at the city that was still under attack by Grimm, there was still so much distance to cover and she was so tired already. "One foot in front of the other…" she encouraged herself as she picked up the sled's rope, "It's all you can do now." And she did just that, slowly and steadily leaving the camp in the distance, her precious cargo towed behind her.

Day 5: Late Afternoon

She walked for hours, stopping only briefly at midday to eat some more of her ration pack. She wasn't even hungry but she knew she needed the strength if she wanted to make it to Mantle. She would keep her promise. She would get Ruby home, no matter what. Even if that meant having to face Yang and tell her that she'd killed her sister.

She plodded forward, slowly navigating around small hills and boulders. She saw the occasional Grimm off in the distance, but they never strayed near. They seemed much more focused on Mantle, perhaps to join the rest of their kind in the attack on the now defenseless city.

Early in the evening she spotted a large hill covered in snow in the distance, about fifty feet tall she estimated, and began to slowly make her way towards it. The sun was getting low and she figured it would be a good spot to camp for the night; the height would allow her to keep an eye on the surrounding area and watch for any danger.

All that remained was to climb it. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she eyed the steep incline. She was so damn tired. She steeled herself, there was nothing to do but continue forward now.

She tugged the sled and took a step forward; a lance of pain shot through her left knee as she put weight on it. She hissed, leaning down briefly to massage it. She could feel that it was badly swollen, hardly surprising considering how hard she had been pushing herself the past few days. Unfortunately the painkiller she'd taken that morning had worn off hours ago. All she wanted to do was to get off her feet and rest.

"Come on…" she said aloud, "One last push, then you can sleep…"

She started up the hill but quickly found out that the sled was much heavier going up a hill than on a flat surface. Exhaustion began to take its toll and her pace slowed to a crawl. She was so tired and the hill was so steep. She could feel cracks beginning to form in her mental defenses.

Crunch

The sound of her boot breaking the icy surface of the snow was oddly familiar…it almost sounded like a dust crystal breaking. She thought back to the time she first met Ruby. The clumsy girl had tripped over her luggage shattering multiple dust crystals. She had been so mean to her that day; if only that Wiess had known what that clumsy dolt would come to mean to her…perhaps she might have been nicer.

Crunch

She continued slowly up the hill, the rope of the all-too-heavy sled cutting into her hands. Her hand was warm, several days of friction burns made her palms raw and swollen, even through her gloves. Warm…warm like the time Ruby had…

It was one of the days of the Vytal festival, Weiss couldn't remember which one, and the two of them were strolling through the fairgrounds looking at all the various vendors. Ruby had been babbling at her about something, a happy grin on her face, when she suddenly spotted something in a nearby booth, a new weapon part or something, she couldn't remember. The one thing that Weiss did remember was Ruby excitedly grabbing her hand and dragging her along as she ran over to the booth. She had blushed bright red, but wasn't quite sure why at the time. Or perhaps she just couldn't admit it to herself. Either way, it was very clear to her now why her past-self needed to hide her face from Ruby for a few moments while she composed herself.

Crunch

A quarter of the way up the hill now. A cold gust of wind blew across the slope, chilling her to the core and pelting her face with sharp bits of snow. The bitter cold and the stinging on her cheek forcibly dragged another memory to the surface.

She sat on her bed in her all-too-cold room in Schnee manor. She held her stinging cheek where her father had slapped her just minutes earlier, tears dripping down onto her fancy ball gown. She HATED this place and its cold halls and now she was forbidden to leave. She put her head in her hands. All she wanted right now was to talk to Ruby.

If she was here, Ruby would wrap her in one of her trademark hugs and tell her that things would be ok and that they'd get through it, and immediately start planning a way to escape. Ruby would give her one of her infectious smiles, a smile that went all the way up to her pretty silver eyes and-

Oh.

OH.

She liked her. She LIKE-liked Ruby.

There was a part of her that was very much surprised at this revelation, but another part of her seemed to roll its metaphorical eyes, exasperated that it had taken this long for her to figure it out.

A tiny smile crossed her lips, a new determination to leave blossoming inside her. She stood with a new purpose and began planning. She unlocked Myrtenaster's case and-

Crunch

Another step broke the surface of the clean snow, bringing her slowly closer to the top of the hill. Another step dragged one of the sled's runners over a rock, eliciting a loud groan from the metal. A groan that reminded her-

The large wooden gates of Haven creaked open in front of her and Yang gestured at her to follow her inside. Before she even took two steps, a joyous voice met her ears. A voice that she hadn't heard for the better part of a year. A voice that instantly filled her heart with happiness.

"WEIIIIISSSS!" The black and red streak that was Ruby slammed into her, pulling her into the tightest of hugs before she could fall over from the impact. "I missed you so much, Weiss…" the younger girl murmured into her shoulder. She smiled into Ruby's sweet smelling hair.

The only way she could describe the feeling that washed over her was Home. Ruby was her home, not Atlas, not even Beacon, Ruby. She never wanted to leave home ever again. But she didn't say that. All she said was "I've missed you too Ruby."

Crunch

She felt tears begin to drip down her nose. She looked up from the snow and was surprised to find that she'd made it to the top of the hill.

"No.." she said aloud, wiping the tears off her face, "Can't cry, not yet." She tamped the memories of her partner deep down inside herself, as deep as she possibly could and quickly busied herself setting up the camp for the night.

She erected the tent and placed the bag of supplies inside, then set up the fire using the stones and firewood she'd collected throughout the day. One starter later, and the fire was blazing. After a moment of contemplation, she picked up Ruby's wrapped body from the sled and placed her on a rock next to the fire. It just felt wrong to sit by the fire and leave her on the sled.

Weiss sagged onto her own rock, her exhaustion feeling like it was sinking into her very bones. She held her trembling hands out to the fire, trying to get feeling back in the tips of her fingers. Her knee still throbbed painfully, but at least she was warm, some of the chill beginning to leach from her bones…It reminded her of…

The early morning air on the balcony of the Haven hospital was cold and she shivered despite her partner's warm arms wrapped around her, holding her close. The sun peeked out from behind the mountains, bathing the two of them in the golden warmth of dawn, heating her body. There was some light banter between the two of them but Weiss couldn't really remember what either of them said. All she remembered clearly was how fucking pretty Ruby looked bathed in sunlight, how her eyes shone, the small, contented smile on her lips.

She couldn't hold herself back any longer, Weiss leaned forward, their lips meeting for the first time in a tender kiss. Ruby was too startled to respond at first, but after a moment her brain finally caught up; she leaned into the kiss, her arms tightening around Weiss. Ruby's movements were a little rough and unsure, but Weiss didn't care about that. Ruby's lips were soft and warm and it just felt so damn good to finally have them pressed against her own.

'I'll…I'll never feel her kisses again…' the thought interrupted her memory, bringing a wave of anguish with it. She felt tears begin to drip down her cheeks, and this time she knew she couldn't stop them. Her mental discipline was rapidly crumbling under the crushing weight of exhaustion and sorrow, allowing all of the day's suppressed emotions to pour out of her all at once.

She drew her knees to her chest and began to rock back and forth, trying in vain to quell the tide of emotions and memories pouring out of her.

She was laying in a bed in team RWBY's stateroom, the gentle rocking of the Argus Limited lulling her into a slight daze. Ruby laid on her chest, a small, contented smile on her lips, her silver eyes half-closed. Weiss absently ran her fingers through Ruby's short hair, lightly thinking on how lucky she was to have this sappy dolt in her life.

Ruby lifted her head up and looked at Weiss, the expression on her face growing indescribably fond.

Weiss tilted her head to the side, silently asking what Ruby was thinking. Ruby gave her the most affectionate look, her eyes shimmering slightly.

"I love you…" Ruby breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. Three words for Weiss' ears only.

Weiss' brain short circuited. She had no idea how to respond. So she did the only thing her brain was capable of processing at the moment, she leaned in and kissed Ruby. If she was being honest, she didn't feel ready to say those words back to Ruby yet -she was certain a therapist would have a field day figuring out why- so she tried to make her feelings known through her passionate kisses. She would tell Ruby those three words in time, when she was ready. She'd be sure to make it special for Ruby. A night she'd never forget.

A sob shook Weiss' chest. She'd never hear those three words from Ruby again…Never hear her voice again. Another sob sent tears cascading down her face. She heard the crunching of snow at the bottom of the hill, accompanied by some low growls. She knew without even looking that her little hill was surrounded by Grimm. Under the sadness and despair, an intense anger began to burn inside her. Her hand curled in rage, clenching snow in her fists.

She heard Ruby's laughter as the two of them ran through one of Atlas' snowy parks, as they had a playful snowball fight on their first date-night in Atlas.

She stood, drawing Myrtenaster from her belt as the Grimm advanced up the hill, her jaw clenched. She was just so fucking angry. Angry at Tyrian, at Ironwood, at Salem. But most of all she was angry at herself; she was too weak and Ruby had died protecting her.

The dark shapes of Beowolves and Centinels crested the hill and she prepared herself for battle, rage and adrenaline quickly dispelling her exhaustion. She quickly kneeled and her Queen Lancer sprang from a summoning glyph, its wings humming aggressively as it sized up the Grimm surrounding her.

The frantic pounding of her heartbeat in her ears was almost loud enough to drown out the humming of her Lancer's wings as she spotted a small red blob falling off Cordovin's faint robot and directed her Lancer to intercept. Weiss reached her hand up, snagging Ruby out of midair by the wrist just before she hit the water. Ruby slammed into the back of the giant insect with a grunt as the robot still reeled from her partner's attack behind them. "What if I hadn't caught you?" she asked her absolute DOLT of a girlfriend, damn her for making her worry like that.

"I knew you would!" Ruby replied with a dazzling smile. At the time she'd rolled her eyes in exasperation, but inside she'd always loved that smile.

Ruby's smile…A smile she'd long ago sworn to protect at all costs…a smile that she'd never see again.

The thought of a world without Ruby's smile in it awakened a burning anger inside of her, quickly growing until it consumed all other thoughts, leaving behind nothing but white-hot fury. With a feral scream of rage, she launched herself into the nearest pack of Beowolves, carving a giant swath of death through the pack with only a few swipes of her sword.

Fighting almost entirely on pure instinct, she skewered three more Grimm with ice spikes before using a glyph to launch herself headlong at a Griffon that was just landing, sinking Myrtenaster deep into its side. A quick pulse of her aura sent glowing dust shooting down the length of her blade. The Grimm screamed as giant spikes of ice exploded out of its skin, spearing several more Grimm in the process. With another angry yell, she whirled away from the dying Griffon and skewered a trio of Centinels on her blade, taking a brief second to watch her Lancer tear through an Ursa with ease before whirling to dispatch a Creep that was leaping at her.

She knew she was fighting angry and some small part of her told her that it was completely reckless to fight this way. The more reasonable part of herself was ignored in favor of the white-hot rage that was fueling her, she was certain it was the only thing keeping her exhausted body upright right now. A moment later the tiny voice was proved right as a Beowolf, managing to sneak up behind her, slashed its giant paw across her back opening up three shallow gouges in her back before being skewered by the blades of her Queen Lancer.

The Beowolf's pack took offense to their comrade's slaying and leapt onto her summon, bringing it to the ground and tearing into it with their teeth and claws. No sooner had the Lancer crumbled into white dust, when a new glyph spawned under the pack and a massive, white sword cleaved through the whole pack in one fell swoop. Her knight, her Arma Gigas, emerged fully from the Glyph, rising to its full, massive height. Her oldest summon paused for a moment, its gaze lingering on the small red bundle by the fire, its expressionless helmet somehow expressing sorrow. It gave her a nod, and waded into the frey, focusing its wrath on the bigger Grimm and leaving the smaller ones to her.

As a brave Centinel charged at her, Weiss fell into the battle again, her body almost moving by itself. The battle blurred around her, the minutes stretching into a haze of slashing, the fall of black ash, and the stench of spent dust.

Suddenly, with one final slash of her knight's greatsword, there were no more Grimm and the night was still. Her breath came in ragged gasps, and she sagged slightly, trying to catch her breath. She had just leaned over to rest her hands on her knees when she heard a deep growl from behind her.

She whirled around and saw a massive Ursa rapidly emerging into the light of the fire. It stared right at her as it leaned down and grabbed up Ruby's wrapped body in its jaws.

"NO!" she screamed as rage of unimaginable magnitude blossomed in her chest. From the side, her knight ran at the creature, slamming its armored shoulder into the Grimm and sending the beast flying, dropping Ruby's body to the ground by the fire in the process. Her knight rose again but the Ursa was quick to recover, a massive paw dealing a fatal blow to the summon, the knight fell to the ground and evaporated. The Ursa immediately began to lumber back towards the red bundle lying in the snow, seemingly on a mission to take her body to Salem. Weiss ran towards Ruby's body and placed herself between it and the Grimm.

"You've already taken EVERYTHING from me!" she screamed, not sure if she was yelling at Salem, the Gods, or just the universe itself, "Just let me get her home!" All she wanted was to keep a single promise she'd made to Ruby. She'd broken all the other ones.

Deaf to her pleas, the beast kept lumbering towards them with a single minded intensity. A scream of incoherent rage escaped her throat as a line of glyphs sent her sailing past the Ursa before looping back onto its left side. A final black glyph launched her straight at the Grimm, thrusting her sword deep into its side, right where she knew its heart would be.

"I love you Weiss Schnee…Now and always."

The Ursa died with a bellow, but Weiss didn't hear it as Ruby's dying words echoed over and over in her mind while the beast dissolved into ash. Myrtenaster dropped from her nerveless fingers as she slowly turned and looked at her partner's body.

Ruby was gone. Gone forever.

Her infectious smile, her easy laugh, her endless optimism, all gone from the world.

Gone were the tender kisses they shared when no one else was looking, Ruby's thumb gently caressing the top of her hand, the quiet nights in the Atlas dorm spent wrapped in each other's arms. All gone.

Her chest felt tight, like the world was closing in, trying to crush her into oblivion. She'd never felt so alone in her whole life. Every home she'd ever known was gone, Atlas…Beacon…Ruby…

A bright light was gone from the world, and she'd been the one to snuff it out.

Exhaustion and grief finally overwhelmed her and her legs turned to jelly. She fell to her knees in the snow and buried her face in Ruby's bundled form as tears ran down her face.

Deep, guttural sobs shook her small frame as every emotion she'd tried to suppress throughout the day came pouring out of her.

"Come back Ruby…" she whispered into the red cloak between sobs, "You promised you wouldn't leave me alone…you promised me you'd come back…I-I still need you…I love you…"

Eventually, exhaustion completely overcame her and she succumbed to the welcome oblivion of sleep.

I'm back with another depressing chapter, sorry for making you guys wait! Weddings and holidays take up a lot of mental energy. This year I'm going to try to be better about having a regular upload schedule that doesn't take two-plus months between chapters.

This chapter was almost as hard to write as the chapter where Ruby died, my hands were shaking for the last few paragraphs. I kind of want to write some of the flashbacks into short fics one of these days because some of them are really cute! The next chapter will be back in Atlas with Winter and a certain robotic friend of hers!

As always thanks to my wife, V, for being my beta reader and thanks to YOU for reading!