Crystal Blue Persuasion
"Oh, I wish we could have stayed at the Yokomon water park! I'm so tired," Mimi stretched her arms out.
"But don't we have to get you back home?" Palmon asked.
"That's true! I'm pretty sure you guys would like to get back home more than anything," Tentomon said.
"It would be nice... I'm trying to see if there's any updates on my stocks, but it looks like I'm having trouble connecting to the internet or something. There's no way the Hong Kong or the New York stock exchange markets are both shut down for this lon-"
"You and your stupid finance crap. Do you even know what you're doing, or are you like all the rest of those guys talking straight out of their ass? Gimme that!" Tai snatched Izzy's laptop out of his hands.
"Hey! Give that back!" Izzy yelled.
"Sure! Gotta catch it first!" Tai flung it in the air like a frisbee.
"I caught it! I can't believe you, Tai...here, Izzy," Sora handed Izzy back his laptop.
"Thanks," Izzy sighed and slipped his laptop in his backpack. "You're so lucky I only brought a MacBook with me. If I brought my good laptop, you'd be in huge trouble, Tai."
"If the MacBook isn't his idea of a good laptop, I'd be scared to know what is, and how much it would cost," Matt whistled.
"Hey guys, ten o'clock! There's smoke!" Tai pointed at the horizon.
"Wow, this guy's got an attention span of a gnat," Joe muttered under his breath.
"Maybe it's a good thing. Do you want him to focus his attention on one thing for too long?" Gomamon remarked.
"I suppose you're right," Joe shrugged.
"Let's walk towards the smoke!" Tai exclaimed.
"Towards the smoke? That sounds stupid!" Sora exclaimed.
"Yeah, why would we want to do that?" Matt scoffed.
"Well, if there's smoke, maybe there's people there, and if there's people there, there has to be food, right?" Tai tapped his finger against his temple.
"Oh, I guess that makes sense," the group murmured amongst themselves.
"Does it? DOES IT?!" Izzy yelled.
"Bro, how much sand got in your socks?" Tai snorted.
"If there is smoke, there is either a fire or a possibility of a fire on the rise! We've got plenty of fire starters on our team- and I'm not talking about the digimon, but are any of you guys firefighters?!" Izzy put his hands on his hips.
"Uh...," everyone looked down on the ground sheepishly.
"Screw it! Let's just go for the plot!" Tai exclaimed.
"Oh yeah, let's do that!" everyone nodded in excitement.
"You've got to be kidding me...," Izzy pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Huh, all this walking and all we got was a factory?" Tai frowned.
"Maybe it's a food factory," Agumon said.
"Food factory? I thought food was grown on trees," Tai said.
"Oh yes, because you can just buy seeds at your local Ace Hardware and plant your own Doritos," Izzy sarcastically said.
"I knew it," Tai narrowed his eyes at the building.
"Tai, no...," Sora sighed.
"Come on, let's check it out," Matt huffed.
"Huh, it's not a factory. It's a large laundromat," Gabumon looked around.
"Hmm, there's something very nerfarious about this place. Something about this just doesn't sit right with me but I can't put my finger on it," Izzy said as he walked around all of the large washing machines.
"Doesn't look like anyone is here, but the machines are still running," Tentomon buzzed.
"There has to be someone around," Sora nodded.
"Maybe we should split up and see if we find anything," Tai said.
"Sounds good- I'll be in a separate group from you. You already broke the quota of how many times you can piss me off in one day," Izzy crossed his arms.
"Fine, be that way," Tai scoffed.
"I'll be on Izzy's team too, on principle. Come on TK!" Matt snapped his fingers.
"I guess I have no choice," TK made a face.
"It's okay, I'll join you! Then we'll actually have some fun," Mimi linked arms with TK.
"Guys we're not here to have fun-ugh!" Izzy grunted.
"Well...I can't complain. At least I have Sora," Tai shrugged.
"Hey, what about me?" Joe gasped.
"Uhh...one of you is the equivalent of Matt, Mimi, and TK, so who's the real winner?" Tai shrugged.
"I don't know how to take that," Joe frowned.
"Neither do we," TK made a face.
"Hmm, there's a hidden entrance right here," Izzy tapped on a nearby wall.
"Yeah, you guys can check that out. We'll explore the above ground stuff, you know...after all, Joe's on our team," Tai nervously said.
"Whatever," Izzy rolled his eyes. "You guys coming?"
"I guess," Mimi reluctantly nodded.
"We'll be fine. I bet you, we'll be better off. After all, Joe's on their team," Matt said.
"Oh, that's right. They're so gonna be in danger," Mimi relaxed and followed Izzy into the secret entrance.
"Hey! We heard that!" Joe said.
"So?" Mimi yelled before she slid the door shut.
"Ignore her. Let's only hope she's being obnoxious," Tai sighed.
"So, should we spread out and scope around?" Sora pursed her lips.
"No, we're already spread thin as it is with half our team gone. We should stay together, safety in numbers!" Joe exclaimed.
"I guess that makes sense," Sora sighed.
"Fine, but don't get in my way!" Tai said.
"You already get in your own way enough, you don't have to worry about us," Sora rolled her eyes.
"You know what? This is kinda giving Scooby Doo vibes," Tai whispered as the group snuck around can the premises.
"I hope you're wrong. The last thing I want to come across is another monster," Joe pushed his glasses up.
"Oh, Joe! Maybe we'll be lucky and the monster will be someone you recognize!" Gomamon slapped his flipper on the back of Joe's thigh.
"Hey! Cut that out!" Joe hissed.
"I don't know about you, but I don't plan on pulling off any monster's head today- especially if they're anything like the monsters we've encountered so far," Tai said.
"To be fair, they weren't really monsters. We've mostly pissed them off- other than the fire guy. He said he went rogue because he got that strange Reese's cup lodged in his body," Sora said.
"You mean that same Reese's cup that crashed into the side of the mountain?" Joe asked.
"I'm not sure if it was the same one, but it definitely looked like it," Sora said.
"The thing is it didn't really look like a Reese's cup either- like the shape, sure. But when we beat it out of the Meramon, it was like almost this sharp metal gear thing? I guess I wouldn't blame him for being so cranky. Can you imagine having a large, sharp metal gear in you?" Biyomon asked.
"That sounds truly awful," Agumon shook his head.
"Goddammit! Fuck me!"
"Hey, did you guys hear that?" Tai whispered.
"Yeah, someone sounds pissed," Gomamon said.
"Keyword: someone! That means we're not alone!" Tai excitedly said.
"Tai, are you sure that's a good thing? That someone sounds angry," Sora winced.
"Hah hah, fuck me, right? Is anyone here?!"
"Yeah, I don't think this is as much of a win as you think it is," Joe jerked his thumb down.
"Come on! We're on an adventure! A digimon adventure! What's literally the worst that could happen? We haven't died yet," Tai scoffed.
"Keyword: yet," Joe sarcastically said.
"I need help, please!"
"See, the guy's not angry! He's just frustrated!" Tai shrugged.
"Does Tai hear himself or what?" Sora looked to everyone else in disbelief.
"At least it's good to know that even he tunes himself out with how unbearable he is," Joe quipped.
"Hey! We're coming! Just hang tight!" Tai yelled.
"There's a group? Thank goodness! I need all the help I can get!"
"Tai, what did you get us into?" Sora slapped Tai on the arm.
"Hey, take it easy! What's wrong with doing a little side quest?" Tai nonchalantly said.
"There's two types of people, ones who want to get straight to the point, and then there's the side quest people...," Joe grumbled.
"I'm so happy someone showed up!" a tall humanoid robot exclaimed. "As you see, I got my leg caught underneath one of these stacks of boxes and I would try to get unstuck but I can't. It's too heavy."
"Aww, don't worry! We got it! Come on, Agumon!" Tai motioned Agumon over.
"Damn, why did I get stuck with a partner who wants to be so 'helpful'?" Agumon sighed and trudged over.
"I'll lend a helping hand too," Sora said. "So, stranger, what brings you here?"
"You can call me Andromon- and I live here. I basically guard this place and make sure the laundry machines run on a constant basis," the robot digimon said.
"That's interesting. I didn't think digimon had laundry...," Joe hummed.
"What? You think we don't have clothes or bedding?" Gomamon scoffed.
"Well...," Joe shrugged.
"Okay, maybe the clothes are a bit of a stretch, but we do have beds. Or at least we did...," Gomamon narrowed his eyes.
"Let me guess, until we came along...," Joe sighed.
"Correctomundo! You're catching on now, brainiac!" Gomamon winked.
"Ughhhh...ughhhh... you're free!" Tai pulled Andromon out from his trap.
"Thank you so much! How can I ever repay y-" the Andromon fell to the floor before he could finish his sentence.
"Oh no! Look, a Reese's cup got lodged into his leg!" Sora gasped.
"Shit! What do we do?" Tai froze.
"Run!" Biyomon yelled.
"Gaitling Attack!" Andromon shot missles from his nipples.
"Whoa, watch out!" Joe fell to the floor.
"Pepper Breath!" Agumon blasted at the ceiling.
"Agumon, what are you doing? Evil robot guy is behind us, not above us!" Tai nervously cried.
*BOOM*
"Ahhhh!" Andromon yelled as the ceiling crashed above him.
"Oh, I see what you did now! Way to go, Agumon!" Tai exclaimed.
"Let's hold off the celebrations for later, we need to escape!" Sora ran.
"But how? Where? And how are we going to let the rest of the guys know?" Biyomon flapped her wings.
"Fuck them! They wanted to split off because they think I'm a pain in the ass, they can die for all I care!" Tai scoffed.
"If we don't die first!" Joe gulped.
"You assholes are going to get it now!"
"Fuck! Did he get himself free?!" Tai shouted.
"Gaitling Attack!"
Meanwhile...
"Eww, it smells like cat pee," Mimi tucked her nose into her shirt.
"Kinda wished someone didn't force me to stay with him just because he hates Tai...," TK huffed.
"I knew it... someone cooked here," Izzy scrunched up his face.
"Yep. It's clicking now," Matt nodded.
"Well, whoever cooked isn't very good at it," Izzy walked over to a white eraser board.
"Duh, it stinks! I hope the smell doesn't stick to my hair," Mimi whined.
"Mimi, do you understand what's going on?" Matt raised an eyebrow.
"Obviously, it's a meth lab! Look at all of these science tubey things and chemicals," Mimi scoffed.
"Alright. Just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page," Matt put his hands up in front of his chest.
"That's interesting, they even automated the meth cooking process by replacing people with robots," TK stared at an assembly line.
"It's an innovative idea. It's less room for error or inventory theft, compared to human staff," Izzy rubbed his chin as he concentrated on the eraser board. "Now this formula is okay, but it could be better..."
"Formula?" TK asked.
"Yeah. This is the current formula they use to produce their meth, but it's subpar," Izzy tapped his chin.
*BOOOM*
"Hey, did anyone hear that?" Mimi bit her lip.
"Yeah, and I bet it's Tai's fault," Matt rolled his eyes.
"I don't know about you, but I think we should move somewhere safer," Gabumon winced.
"Don't you think we're safe enough as it is? We're already underground," Patamon said.
"But how long before Idiot & Company sells us out?" Matt scoffed.
"I know there has to be a better way to do this and get a better ROI," Izzy grabbed a marker and bounced it on the palm of his hand.
"Is this guy serious right now? Is he seriously more worried about creating a better meth?" Matt whispered.
"Hello, earth to Izzy! Didn't you hear that explosion?" Tentomon buzzed.
"Not now," Izzy waved him away.
"Guys, let's just leave him. What a nut job," Matt said.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Mimi bit her lip.
"Mimi, would you rather die or live?" Matt snapped.
"Well, you actually want to kill me...but if I stay with Izzy, I could actually die. Oh no. What do I do?" Mimi fanned her face.
"Okay, bye. Suit yourself," Matt walked off, Gabumon following suit.
"I think I'll stay here too," TK sat down next to Izzy.
"Izzy, you know you're playing with people's lives here! Not only mine, but the two most helpless people in the group as well," Tentomon said.
"I should be offended, but he's not wrong," TK shrugged and attempted to braid a piece of his hair.
"Just give me a moment. I need to focus," Izzy pressed his lips together.
"What is the matter with you? You have some sort of trauma that makes you need to distract yourself with stupid stuff instead of dealing with important issues as they come?" Patamon innocently asked.
"Uh...," Izzy paused.
"Doesn't he have to be a newborn for that?"
"I don't know, I'm desperate at this point! He's pretty small and skinny for his age, we can always drug him up and stuff him in the safe haven box. How big are the boxes anyways? We should take measurements. No one would even know!"
"No! Look, if this is what you want to do, I have a distant cousin across town who actually wants a kid. Maybe he can adopt Izzy. Sure, it might screw him up mentally for a little since he's only eight years old, but he'll totally get over it."
"What the fuck?" Izzy whispered to himself as he peeked through the crack of his bedroom door.
"It would be nice to not have Izzy bitch about how spoons are going missing every other week."
"I bitch about it too! Fuck me if I want to use a spoon for EATING! You want to divorce me?"
"Actually, I did meet someone at work."
"Oh for fuck's sake! Are you kidding me?!"
"Yeah...that's it for today. The first chance I get, I'm getting emancipated," Izzy silently closed his door and plopped face down on his bed.
"Izzy, you don't have to take it so personally. It was just a joke...," Patamon mumbled.
"Oh, sorry. What did you say? I was dissociating," Izzy turned around to face everyone.
"Seriously?" Mimi looked concerned.
"Does that mean you didn't hear that big explosion?" Palmon frowned.
"There was an explosion?" Izzy raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah, just above us," TK pointed at the ceiling.
"Oh brother... what did Tai do?" Izzy sighed and went back to the eraser board.
"Izzy, are you sure working on this formula is a good idea when we're potentially in danger?" Tentomon asked.
"It's okay! I think I found a way to improve it by making some minor tweaks!" Izzy carefully erased parts of the board and wrote over it. "Now it's time to materialize it."
"Is he seriously going to cook meth? Like now?" TK's mouth dropped.
"Hmm, if I just modify some settings, let's see how this new batch will turn out...," Izzy fiddled with a control panel.
"I don't think we have that much time to see how your little recipe will do!" TK yelled.
"No, you don't understand! The technology is mind-blowing! It appears that they can have batches made in about five minutes... now that's an Easy Bake oven," Izzy slipped on a hazard suit and walked to the end of the assembly line. "Wow, looks even better than I expected."
"It's blue," Mimi gasped.
"Crystal blue...," TK added.
"By making some little substitutions that will make this process slightly easier, I have created a product that not only is cost-effective, but is definitely a higher quality as well. It has a purity level of 99.1%," Izzy rubbed his chin.
"Uh...way to go, I guess?" TK winced.
"You don't understand, do you?" Izzy put his hands on the table.
"No, I understand what's going on completely, and that's what's scary," TK frowned.
"Hmm, what should I call this new variety? I'm not really the most creative person," Izzy held up some blue crystals.
"Oh, really? Because we beg to differ," Patamon quipped.
"Ooh, how about Blue Sky?" Mimi gasped.
"Hmm, I like it. Blue Sky," Izzy nodded as he packaged the crystals up.
"What the- are you seriously taking that with you?" TK gasped.
"What? I created it, I should take it. It's not like there's a DEA here, is there?" Izzy asked.
"What's a DEA?" Palmon asked.
"See, we're fine," Izzy shoved the last of his product into his bag.
*BOOOM*
"Uh...maybe we should see what's going on upstairs? I think those guys might need our help," Tentomon buzzed.
"Do we have to? I like it here," Mimi whimpered.
"Really? Because I think what happened here was scarier than what's happening up there," TK pointed at the ceiling.
"Oh, come off it. I guess let's go," Izzy rolled his eyes and slipped his backpack on.
"Nova Blast!" Greymon spit out a ball of flame from his mouth.
"Howling Blaster!" Garurumon shot blue flames from his mouth.
"Gaitling Attack! Gaitling Attack! Gaitling Attack!" Andromon shot a series of missles from his nipples.
"Shit! Drop to the floor!" Tai pulled Sora down to the ground.
"What the hell did we just walk into?" Izzy's mouth dropped.
"Ahhh!" Mimi hid behind TK.
"Gaitling attack!" Andromon aimed for TK but Garurumon bit him by the collar of his shirt like a puppy and moved him out of the way, causing the bullet to hit Mimi instead.
"Owww!" Mimi crashed to the floor.
"Mimi!" Palmon cried.
"Mimi, are you okay?" Izzy rushed over to her and dropped down to the ground.
"Oh...that hurts harder than when my dad punches me in the gut," Mimi whined.
"That's not concerning at all...," Tentomon buzzed.
"Nova Blast!"
"Please, that's nothing! Gaitling Attack!" Andromon shot his missles toward Greymon.
"Ugh...we have to do something. Tentomon, you ever heard of microdosing?" Izzy tapped his chin.
"What? Microdosing?" Tentomon sounded nervous.
"Yeah. Give me a second...," Izzy opened his backpack.
"Dude, does Izzy have like five pounds of meth in his backpack?" Tai asked.
"What happened while I was gone?" Matt asked.
"You don't want to know," TK shook his head.
"Here, just a lit-"
"I think you can put that back, I won't need it!" Tentomon said. A purple light shone from Izzy's pocket.
"Izzy, your iPod nano is glowing!" Mimi gasped.
"Tentomon digivolve to Kabuterimon!"
"Huh...cool," Izzy shrugged and put his stash back inside.
"Really? I thought you'd have a more excited reaction to my digivolution! Look how cool and scary I look!" Kabuterimon flapped his wings.
"I mean, you do look cool, but keep in mind, I made the purest crystal meth known to man. Speaking of, I should probably go back and erase that formula so no one else has it," Izzy said.
"Ugh, forget it. I have ass to kick," Kabuterimon huffed.
"Oh, a new fighter in the ring? Show me what you got, you overgrown bug! Gaitling Attack!" Andromon shot his nipple missles at Kabuterimon.
"Aim for his leg! Trust me!" Sora shouted.
"Copy! Electro Shocker!" Kabuterimon shot a ball of electricity at Andromon's leg.
"Ugh!" Andromon fell back and a metal gear popped out from his leg and broke into several pieces, vanishing into thin air.
"Look, a black Reese's cup!" TK gasped.
"You know what? I'm starting to think Sora and Biyomon are right. That does not look like a Reese's cup after all," Izzy frowned.
"Ugh...why do I feel like I got the crap beaten out of me?" Andromon groaned.
"Dude, you shot your nipple missles at us! What's with the switch up?!" Tai exclaimed.
"What? Seriously?" Andromon's jaw dropped. "I am so sorry! I don't know why I would do such a thing, I'm so embarassed!"
"Don't be. You had a black gear lodged into your leg and it made you cranky. You're not the first one it happened to. If only we could find out where these black gears are coming from, because it seems like not only do they cause you pain, but they make you do things you wouldn't want to do normally...," Izzy tapped his chin.
"Wow, a black gear?" Andromon said.
"Yeah! Looks like a big Reese's cup about this big? You know anything about that?" Matt held up his hands.
"God, no. But that sounds dangerous! It would be good if there was a way to stop that," Andromon said.
"Yeah! Maybe we should find a way to do that! Then we can save the digital world!" Tai excitedly said.
"Uh Tai, shouldn't we be more worried about getting you guys back home?" Agumon whispered.
"Nah, not yet! You guys need our help!" Tai said.
"I think you're giving yourselves too much credit. You guys just stand around being scared while we're expected to fight the monsters that you piss off," Gomamon muttered under his breath.
"I think it would be nice to figure out where these black gears are coming from so no one else gets hurt from them," Sora hummed.
"Oh, that would be greatly appreciated! I'd love to help, but I have to stay here to guard the place," Andromon said.
"Guard the place? From what? Massive amounts of laundry?" Sora raised an eyebrow.
"Uh...so Andromon, which way would be the best way to go somewhere that isn't desert?" Izzy asked.
"Oh, here's a tunnel that should lead to the nearest town! Just follow it all the way to the end!" Andromon pointed to a tunnel on the opposite side of the laundromat.
"Awesome!" Matt exclaimed.
"Is there any way I could thank you for everything?" Andromon said.
"I think you've thanked us more than enough! Let's go. I suggest now," Izzy sternly said to the group.
"Uh yeah...we should. Hate to leave so soon, but we're on a mission!" Tai nervously said and firmly grabbed Izzy by the shoulders.
"Okay! Good luck, everyone!" Andromon smiled and waved goodbye.
"Come on, El Chapo! You go first!" Tai shoved Izzy into the tunnel.
"Hey, watch it!" Izzy stumbled into the tunnel.
"Move your feet! You're gonna get our asses in trouble, thief!" Matt kicked the back of Izzy's feet.
"What's going on? Did Izzy steal something?" Biyomon whispered.
"I would have said you should have been there for it, but maybe it's better you weren't. Let's just say finance and science should never mix," Patamon frowned.
"Oh boy...," Biyomon gulped.