Past and Present Lives
Chapter 15-Present Life
Mike was kind of stuck in his own head. He hated having to take a beat but he had to let the grief in and it was like a floodgate. He tried to protect Maddie from it, but she seemed to handle it extremely well.
One of the things he had done was buy an engagement ring. He loved the informality of their relationship, but he knew it was time. He just didn't know how to ask her. He kept thinking he needed to get through the grief first but there seemed to be no end to it.
Maddie was worrying him a bit. She was overly tired and emotional. She refused to go to the doctor, even when Mike offered to pay for it. One night, after having sex and Maddie going to sleep; Mike noticed that her breasts seemed much fuller. Of course, he didn't mind. But he also had fathered four other babies. Even he recognized the signs that had been staring at him for a while.
At first, he was upset but then, he remembered Maddie was still a young woman. She didn't deserve not being a mother just because of his anger and guilt. And he actually wouldn't mind a baby with Maddie. He could do things right this time.
He thought about going and getting the pregnancy tests once she went to work, but decided to let her tell him when she was ready. He suspected she knew and was worried about him. The grief and guilt was going to be a part of his life, and in effect, hers, for a long time, but even Mike was tired of being bogged down by it. So, instead of going for the pregnancy tests, he fell asleep in his recliner and immediately began dreaming.
Mike smiled as he watched Katie, Hannah and Lucas playing in the backyard. Ellasyn was babbling happily and Christine was humming from the kitchen. He walked up behind her and kissed the back of her head.
"Thank you for getting Carrie here." Christine said before turning around and wrapping her arms around him.
"I am glad you two enjoyed the visit." Mike said.
"Mike…this is only a dream. The kids, even Elijah, live here, in your heart. And we want this for you. Maddie. This baby. You have the potential of being so happy again. Yes, there will still be hard days. The only part of this dream of yours that you will meet again in this life is Ellasyn. She is your daughter with Maddie, not me." Christine said.
"But you were pregnant?" Mike said.
"It was all an illusion. She is a representation of your future. My point is—you need to let the anger and guilt go. You can keep the love and memories. The kids and I are together. In about six months, Ellasyn will be with you and Maddie." Christine answered.
"Six months? She already three months along?" Mike asked.
"Yeah. She's been worried about your reaction. She is afraid you will have the same reaction as what you did with Elijah." Christine replied.
"That is a huge regret of mine…and how I treated you after and cheating and…" Mike said. Christine put her hand over his mouth.
"I know and that needs to be over. All the guilt and grief. You have a woman who adores you. A good woman. And she will give you a beautiful daughter. I forgave you, but you have to also forgive yourself. Promise me that you'll do that? Give her that ring. Love her and that baby. You have atoned for your sins." Christine commented.
"The sins should have never happened." Mike answered.
"Mike—it's a marriage. I wasn't always a perfect wife or mother. It was a one-time mistake. You regretted it immediately. I knew that next morning. You were never good at poker for a reason. I choose to forgive you. Was it easy? No. But, I died knowing I loved you and you love me. This guilt and anger will weigh you down and could eventually cost you Maddie and Ellasyn." Christine said.
"Will I see you and the kids again?" Mike asked.
"Not in this life. Eventually, you will see us in a beautiful place. Elijah will be there. We will be fine. And you will be better than fine." Christine said.
"It's the not seeing you all again that scares me. I miss you and the kids." Mike admitted.
"We are in your heart. When you miss us the most, feel your heartbeat and there we will be. And you do have pictures. But we do not want you dwelling too much on the past when you have so much to look forward to and to live for. I loved you but Maddie loves you now. And if you thought that Katie and Hannah were daddy's girls, Ellasyn will put them to shame." Christine explained. She pulled Mike in for a hug.
"I am going to really miss you all." Mike said.
"And you will be fine, trust me." Christine answered before giving him a gentle shove.
Mike woke up, completely startled. The dream had been weird and he knew he should feel totally bereft, but he had an odd hope for the future. He couldn't wait for his daughter with Maddie to be born.
He did leave but not to buy pregnancy tests. He went and bought Maddie flowers and decided to fix her dinner since it was a Friday night. He even made her a chocolate silk pie. She got home right at six and looked at him suspiciously.
"What's all this?" Maddie asked.
"Just decided to do something special for you. The mood has been kind of dark lately and I wanted to have a nice dinner. Sit?" Mike requested as he pulled her kitchen chair out.
"Can I take my heels off?" Maddie asked.
"Absolutely." Mike said before giving her a kiss. She took her heels off and carried them to the bedroom before rejoining Mike in the living area.
"You made a chocolate pie?" Maddie asked.
"Yes, but no promise how good it is. Its actually Christine's recipe. Hope you don't mind?" Mike asked as he sat down across from her.
"Not at all." Maddie said. She took a bite of the steak and smiled. "Very good." Maddie answered.
"Good." Mike said.
"The flowers are pretty too but I am still suspicious." Maddie said. Mike laughed and stood up so he could kneel next to Maddie.
"I don't do romantic gestures well. I love you. Part of me loves the informality of this but you deserve more than that. You deserve to have the wedding and the marriage and the babies. It took me awhile to realize that I wanted to be a part of all that." Mike said as he took the ring out of his pocket.
"Oh, Mike." Maddie said as she wiped the tears away.
"Will you marry me?" Mike asked.
"Yes." Maddie said. Mike slid the ring on her ringer, glad it fit. She threw her arms around him and held on for dear life.
"I love you…and the baby." Mike said.
"How'd you know?" Maddie asked.
"I won't ever admit to being the best father in the world but I did get Christine pregnant four times. Tired, slightly moody, swollen breasts. That was the dead giveaway, not that I mind." Mike remarked.
"I don't imagine that you do. I…was afraid to tell you with everything you have been going through." Maddie said. Mike gave her another kiss and sat back down in his own chair.
"Its time to look for brighter things. There will be hard days still but you and this baby deserve me to be fully here. Now, have you been to the doctor?" Mike asked.
"No, but I do have an appointment. I got insurance at work yesterday and made the appointment. I have been taking prenatal vitamins though." Maddie said.
"I'd like to go with you." Mike said. Something he had never done with Christine when she was pregnant. But this was his second chance to do things right.
"Of course." Maddie answered. Mike smiled, feeling much lighter and happier.