I'ma I'ma I'ma... I'M BACK!
Got a longer chapter for you guys, hopefully to make up for the last few short ones. Enjoy it though, cause it may be awhile until the next update since I technically have not completely finished writing the first draft of this story, and I've officially just about caught up to where I am. So please be patient with me, and in the meantime, feel free to look back and reread the previous chapters if you wish, and maybe leave a comment or two, cause I really like hearing your guys' thoughts on my works! Thank you!
Soon enough, the brothers, Rhonda, and Aunt Guffin were all shown down at the village, shopping in the marketplace together, or at the very least, they were trying to; no matter where they went or what they saw, Aunt Guffin seemed to find some new and irrational danger at every turn, which meant the brothers were essentially leading her around rather than doing any actual shopping.
Miss Guffin – Watch out for those avocados. The pit could become lodged in our throats. And watch out for that cart. It could break free and run us over.
Branch was then shown literally riding on top of Rhonda like a mount, carrying a shopping basket of his own and putting some apples into it, all while watching his brothers struggle to shepherd Aunt Guffin. He and Rhonda gave each other a look, both of them having the same thought, that at this rate they would wind up barely buying anything.
Floyd – Everything's fine, Aunt Guffin.
Floyd attempted to give Aunt Guffin a comforting smile as he reassured her, but just as he turned around, he ended up bumping right into a body standing right behind him. The moment Floyd looked up to see who he bumped into, his eyes widened in fear and he let out a scream, capturing his brothers' attention. All of their own eyes widened in shock as they saw it was Chef, donning a new disguise as a sea captain, but still undeniably her, as she began speaking in a Newfoundland accent.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Lord tunderin' jumped-up Jehovah!
Aunt Guffin instantly looked panicked as she grabbed onto Spruce.
Miss Guffin – The Black Plague! Is it the Black Plague?!
Chef(Captain Fraud) – No, that there was all my fault, eywah. Can't tell ya how sorry I is for runnin' into yer son there like that.
Floyd – A-aunt Guffin, this-
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Quite a few cuties you got there, mum. And what an especially right beauty you are.
The disguised Chef let out a coy smile and raised her eyebrows flirtatiously at Aunt Guffin, causing the elderly troll to blush, flattered by the compliment. The brothers on the other hand just glared, knowing the bergan was only trying to butter her up.
Clay – Aunt Guffin-!
Miss Guffin – Oh, shh!
Aunt Guffin briskly waved Clay off as she shushed him, clearly wanting to hear more. Chef continued to grin as she slowly bowed down to be more at the trolls' level.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – But allow me to introduce me-self.
John took that moment to step forward, attempting to act as barrier between the bergan and Aunt Guffin.
John Dory – No, allow me and my brothers to introduce her. This-
Miss Guffin – "My brothers and me."
John looked baffled for a moment that Aunt Guffin was actually prioritizing correcting his grammar at a time like this!
John Dory – It doesn't matter! This is-
However, Chef immediately stood back up, looking at John in "bafflement" as she cut him off.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Doesn't matter?
Chef then let out a wheeze-like laugh before sputtering.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Are you jiggin' me, boy? Why, perhaps it's just the ramblings of an expert fisherwoman, but… grammar is the number-one most important thing in this here world to me.
Chef moved closer to Aunt Guffin as she spoke in a seductive tone, while the elderly troll in return gazed at the bergan with endearment.
Miss Guffin – It is?
Branch and Rhonda's expressions were both ones of disbelief and even slight appalment at how easily Aunt Guffin was being charmed; the baby troll even muttered in exasperation to the critter beside him.
Branch – Seriously?! Is she desperate?!
Rhonda grunted in agreement.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – It's the whole ball of wax. The entire kit and caboodle. Why, without your good grammar, the whole darn shootin' match could go arse over a tea kettle.
Aunt Guffin was clearly smitten at this point, however John only looked disturbed at the scene happening before him.
Miss Guffin – Well, you certainly know how to twist a phrase.
Chef didn't let up on the seductive tension as she continued to flirt with the elderly troll.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – I can flip it up and rub it down, too. Of course, that would be entirely up to you, mum.
The rest of the brothers' expressions also looked disturbed and even disgusted; seeing Chef making advances on Aunt Guffin, even as a form of manipulation, was definitely a picture none of them were going to get out of their heads anytime soon.
Chef gave another coy smile as she proceeded to take off her hat and bow in greeting.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Captain Fraud… at your service.
Spruce however, stepped forward, putting an arm out in front of Aunt Guffin protectively as he glared at the bergan before them.
Spruce – She's lying! She's Chef!
"Captain Fraud's" smile fell as her gaze landed on Spruce, while Aunt Guffin looked fearful once again.
Miss Guffin – That… that horrible bergan you warned me about?! Where?! Who?!
Aunt Guffin grabbed onto Spruce before she tried looking around to search for the fiend Spruce said was nearby.
Clay – Right in front of you!
Clay gestured to "Captain Fraud" in exasperation, while the bergan in question began "looking around" for the threat as well.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Where's she at?!
Miss Guffin – Behind Captain Fraud?
Floyd – No.
Aunt Guffin leaned down and looked behind "Captain Fraud," who turned around to "see" if the perpetrator was behind her as well before she turned back and began waving her arms in front of her in a kung fu-like fashion.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – I'll show her a t'ing or two! I'll give her the old "wax on, wax off, me son."
John Dory – Captain Fraud is Chef!
Miss Guffin – Oh, pfft.
John let out a huff and looked away in exasperation from Aunt Guffin and her clear disbelief while "Captain Fraud" put her hat back on. Spruce on the other hand, looked absolutely fed up.
Spruce – I'm not going through this again!
Without any warning, Spruce proceeded to tackle "Captain Fraud" to the ground, much to the shock of Aunt Guffin. With a startled cry, the bergan fell backwards onto her back, which allowed Spruce to grab her right leg. Clay then proceeded to rush over to his brother's side and yank down the pant leg, attempting to expose the disguised bergan by revealing the tattooed ankle for real this time… only to see a wooden peg leg instead of an actual leg at all, much to their complete surprise and confusion.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Children of the corn!
Aunt Guffin let out a shocked cry of her own once she saw "Captain Fraud's" peg leg, prompting her to swat at Clay and Spruce's hands to make them let go.
Miss Guffin – Spruce! Clay! Why did you do this to this poor woman?!
Aunt Guffin hastily reached down to "Captain Fraud," grabbing her hand and pulling her back up onto her feet. John, Floyd, Branch, and Rhonda all gathered by Spruce and Clay's sides as they watched the elderly troll help the bergan up.
Miss Guffin – Oh… I'm so sorry…
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh-ho! That's gonna smart in the mornin'.
"Captain Fraud" took a deep breath as she "gathered her bearings," while Aunt Guffin held her up.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Oh, I don't pay that no never mind, mum. They're just a couple o' trolls barely out of their OshKosh B'Gosh.
"Captain Fraud" gestured to Spruce and Clay while Aunt Guffin gave them both a strained look.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – I've had to deal with that sort of thing ever since me leg was chewed off by the Lachrymose leeches.
Aunt Guffin let out a slow gasp as Captain Fraud turned to her with a "devastated" expression.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Why didn't I wait an hour before swimmin'? Why? Why? Why?
Aunt Guffin looked at "Captain Fraud" with sadness and empathy as the bergan "sobbed." The brothers on the other hand just rolled their eyes, none of them buying the sob story; Clay even stuck out his tongue in mock disgust for good measure.
Miss Guffin – The leeches took my husband, too.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Get out of town!
Aunt Guffin soon began sobbing herself.
Miss Guffin – No… really.
"Captain Fraud" moved in close to Aunt Guffin as she gazed directly at her, once again airing a seductive energy.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – By jeez, them blasted leeches doomed me to a life of hoppin', they did. Sure, I get the good parkin' spots, but who could ever want to be friends with a woman with one leg and a face like a hen's arse? I'm as lonely as a gull on a rock, girl.
Aunt Guffin once again completely infatuated as she gazed at "Captain Fraud".
Miss Guffin – Oh, Captain Fraud…
The brothers however only glared at the bergan or turned away in mock disgust, knowing she clearly had the elderly troll right where she wanted her.
Miss Guffin – …would… you come to my house for dinner this evening?
The brothers now looked appalled, none of them approving of Aunt Guffin's invite.
John Dory, Spruce, Clay, Floyd, Branch – No!
Even Rhonda let out a warbled cry of protest.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – Oh, no, I don't know about that, mum. I'm afeard I might scuff up the floors with this old cribbage peg.
"Captain Fraud" lifted up her peg leg, showing it off.
Miss Guffin – Oh! Well, I will lay down newspapers. Please, Spruce and the boys are going to make a lovely dinner of puttanesca.
Aunt Guffin smiled as her attitude turned more cheery, however, "Captain Fraud" gasped before she threateningly pointed at the brothers.
Chef(Captain Fraud) – The very meal I ate… before they took me leg!
Aunt Guffin gasped and brought her hand to her mouth in horror, while the brothers just gave "Captain Fraud" deadpan stares, none of them intimidated by her drama in the slightest.
Miss Guffin – Oh, my goodness! Well, boys… uh…
Aunt Guffin looked back at the brothers as she gestured to "Captain Fraud."
Miss Guffin – I'm going to take Captain Fraud home. And you stay here and shop…
Aunt Guffin shoved her shopping basket right into Spruce's arms.
Miss Guffin – …for an entirely puttanesca-free dinner.
Aunt Guffin let out a short laugh while "Captain Fraud" looked "endeared" at the elderly troll's considerate request. The brothers could only watch in disbelief as Aunt Guffin began to lead "Captain Fraud" away.
Clay – But…
Miss Guffin – "But" is not a sentence, Clay.
With that, Aunt Guffin and "Captain Fraud" continued on their way, while the brothers could only helplessly watch them go.
Spruce – Aunt Guffin!
Grocer Bergan – Hey!
The brothers all turned around to see a cranky bergan, who they determined was the grocer of the booth he was stepping out of, calling out to them gruffly.
Grocer Bergan – You haven't paid for that!
However, two rageons that were standing in the booth beside the grocer bergan immediately turned around and focused their gazes on the brothers, who instantly recognized them as the same sibling rageons that were part of Chef's acting troupe, only disguised as fellow townsfolk. The brothers gazed back at the rageons in trepidation, as it was clear Chef still had close eyes on them. The girl rageon then let out an exasperated sigh as she spoke.
Velvet – Kids today.
The boy rageon nodded in agreement with his sister, but neither of them taking their focused gazes off of the brothers.
Later, the brothers and Rhonda were shown returning to Aunt Guffin's house, each of them carrying bags of groceries, though John and Floyd were also carrying Rhonda and Branch in their hair respectively. However, the wind was beginning to pick up as dark clouds were now covering the sky; it seemed Aunt Guffin was right about Hurricane Herman being upon them. Unknown to any of the brothers, they passed by a sign that read "DOES ANYONE KNOW YOU ARE GOING THIS WAY?". Lightning even began flashing as the brothers all made it to the front entrance of the house and hurried inside before shutting the door behind them to escape from the wind. However, they immediately noticed that aside from the sounds of the unstable house literally being rocked around by the wind outside, it was far too quiet.
Floyd – Aunt Guffin?
There was no response, prompting all the brothers to glance at one another in concern. They soon opened the doors that lead further into the house, looking around for any sign of their guardian; somehow the howling of the wind sounded more prominent compared to the area by the entrance.
John Dory – Aunt Guffin?
Another clap of thunder rang out along with a flash of lighting before the house shook once more, startling the brothers, especially Clay, who immediately took a wide stance and froze to the spot, no doubt his mind reeling with warning bells due to the reminder of just how unstable the structure they were standing in was. With that, John and Spruce took the bags Clay and Floyd were carrying into their own arms.
John Dory – Are you here?
Spruce – Aunt Guff?
The two eldest brothers went into the kitchen area to set all the groceries down while Clay and Floyd continued to look around.
Clay – Are you here, Aunt Guffin?
Branch – Hello?
Clay – Cause if this is some kind of game, let me just say it's not very fun!
Floyd picked Branch up out of his hair and set him down, allowing the baby troll to look for their guardian as well.
Floyd – Aunt Guffin?
Branch – Aunt Guff!
Spruce soon came back over to his younger brothers.
Spruce – Any sign of her?
Floyd – No.
Clay and Floyd shook their heads.
John Dory – Hey, Bros…? You might wanna take a look at this!
Spruce, Clay, and Floyd all turned their heads towards their eldest brother, who was now standing right at the entrance to the next room at the back of the house, staring straight ahead. The younger 3 brothers all walked up to John, seeing that his eyes were wide with disbelief, prompting them all to turn their attention to what he was staring at, followed by all of their expressions to contort to ones of shock as well. The 4 brothers immediately walked into the room and headed straight for the window, which was revealed to be broken, as though something or… someone had smashed right through it, explaining the intensity of the howling of the wind they were hearing from the next room.
Spruce – Oh, no. No!
The 4 brothers stared down at the water below in horror once they reached the window; the implications of the sight before them painting a precise picture of what must have happened. John and Clay both had looks of denial while Floyd was on the verge of tears, but it was Spruce who looked the most distressed of them all as he couldn't tear his eyes away from the water.
Spruce – We're too late.
Gritting his teeth while clenching his hands into fists, Spruce pounded one of them down onto the windowsill, prompting Floyd to put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.
Spruce – We're too late…
Both John and Clay's expressions turned to forlorn ones, however, while John tipped his head down, Clay turned his away to the right, which allowed something to catch his attention; Clay looked up in surprise, seeing a piece of paper attached to the chains that controlled the window blinders before he curiously made his way over to it. Noticing their brother had walked off, John, Floyd, and Spruce all looked towards Clay before they hurried to his side as he took the paper in his hands.
John Dory – What is it?
Clay – It's a suicide note.
The 4 brothers exchanged distraught looks with one another before Clay began to read aloud.
Clay – "John Dory, Spruce, Clay, Floyd, and Branch, by the time you read this, my life will be at its end. My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find life inbearable."
Clay stopped for a moment while his face contorted to one of confusion.
Clay – "Inbearable"?
Spruce – Go on.
Taking a quick look at Spruce, who gestured for Clay to continue, the yellow-haired troll proceeded to do so.
Clay – "I know your boys may not understand the sad life of a dowadger-"
Clay stopped and looked confused once again.
Clay – "Dowager" has one D.
Spruce – It doesn't matter! Keep going!
The house shook once again, although more violently than the previous times, earning a small look of concern from Clay as he tried to keep reading; even John and Floyd looked up in fear for a moment, but Spruce's attention stayed straight on the note.
Clay – "…or what- what would have led… to this desperate akt…"
Clay fully paused once again as he noticed another error in the writing.
Clay – "Act" is spelled with a C.
Spruce however, just looked at his brother in both stress and annoyance.
Spruce – It's a suicide note, why are you checking her spelling?
Clay looked back at Spruce while gesturing to the note.
Clay – She said her greatest joy in life was grammar. Why is she making all these mistakes?
John just huffed before he grabbed the note from Clay; the stress of the situation and the hurricane shaking the house beginning to get to him as well.
John Dory – Oh come on! Like you wouldn't make a few spelling mistakes if you were about to jump out a window!
John looked down at the note and picked up where Clay left off, without taking any pauses.
John Dory – "Please know that I am much happier this way. As my last will and testament, I leave you 5 in the care of Captain Fraud, a kind and honorable bergan."
The house shook once more, causing some dishes from the kitchen to clatter, capturing Clay and Floyd's attention, while John and especially Spruce just stared at the note in disbelief and dread.
Spruce – That was her plan! She made her write this note, and then she pushed her out the window!
As Floyd looked back at the note however, his expression slowly shifted to one of suspicion; something about the note and all the grammar mistakes Clay had pointed out were picking at his brain. He then recalled a memory of him and Grandma Rosiepuff sitting at a table together in her pod while he was translating some of John's lyrics for one of the band's songs. She had convinced him to take a break and helped him unwind by creating funny little messages by mixing up some of the letters in the words, saying it was like a special secret code. Floyd's eyes suddenly widened in realization…
Floyd – No… It's not a suicide note.
Clay, Spruce, and John all looked at Floyd in surprise as the magenta-haired troll gazed back at them with a knowing expression.
Floyd – It's a message.
Floyd quickly took the note from John and pulled a pencil out of his hair.
Floyd – It's not supposed to be "Ike," it's supposed to be "ice." C.
Floyd circled the K in the word Ike before writing the letter C at the bottom of the note. The house gave another violent shake, capturing all 4 brothers' attention, however Floyd quickly turned his attention back to the note, prompting the others to do the same.
Floyd – And "in-" "Unbearable" with a U.
Floyd similar circled the I from the word spelled inbearable in the note before writing U next to the C at the bottom of the page. John, Spruce, and Clay watched in anticipation as Floyd continued to find all the grammar and spelling mistakes in the note and slowly spelling out the deciphered message at the bottom. Outside however, the storm began to cause some nails in the wooden beams supporting the house to start coming loose. Floyd swiftly wrote out the word CURDLED before some more nails from another beam were shown coming loose as well. Luckily, Floyd quickly finished writing the rest of the message, as the last few letters spelled out the word, CAVE, allowing him and his brothers to see the full message was indeed CURDLED CAVE, which they remembered Aunt Guffin mentioning to them earlier that day when she was showing them Lake Lachrymose from the window.
Miss Guffin – 'All' the way over to Curdled Cave, way over there.
Floyd – She's not dead. She's hiding.
Floyd looked back at his brothers, who also looked astonished, yet also relieved by this revelation.
John Dory – Curdled Cave?
The house suddenly shook again, but this time was different- One of the wooden beams was breaking! The house had actually begun to tilt! Back inside, the wind managed to not only blow the door open, but actually rip it off its hinges! As the 4 brothers recovered from the big shake they quickly ran to the entrance of the room, worry written on all of their faces.
Floyd – Branch!
John Dory – Rhonda!
John searched through his hair, realizing that Rhonda must have at some point jumped out!
John Dory – Guys! Where's Rhonda?!
Spruce and Clay looked at John with worry and fear, as they did not know either. However, all 4 brothers' eyes widened in shock and fear as they saw the front door was swiftly flying right at them! John and Spruce quickly grabbed onto Floyd and Clay respectively as they dove to the side, just barely missing the door as if flew right past them and smashed through the window.
Branch – Guys! Look at this!
The 4 brothers glanced towards the ground to their right, their expressions softening to ones of relief to see both Branch and Rhonda together and unharmed. However, the baby troll was looking at them with an astonished expression of his own as he pointed out to the side, with Rhonda grunting while using her head to gesture for the older trolls to look as well. The elder BroZone brothers looked up to see that they were all directly next to Ike's room, but what truly caught their attention, was that it was filled to the brim with wires of hanging pictures and billboards containing notes and newspaper clippings, all of them depicting images or reports of fires. The brothers entered the room as they looked around, Clay in particular, spotting something familiar handing from one of the wires near the wall.
Clay – Guys, look.
The other brothers turned their attention to Clay, who took what looked to be a brown leather spyglass satchel off the wire, and opened it, revealing the same golden spyglass both Rosiepuff and Hickory possessed resting inside. Clay looked up at his brothers in astonishment, who all looked back at him with the same expression, especially Floyd.
Floyd – The spyglass…
As Clay closed the satchel, he continued to look at all the pictures hanging from the wires, studying them carefully.
Clay – He was investigating fires.
Suddenly, the wind blew the desk at the back of the room open, causing a bunch of papers to fly out. However, one of them, a yellow piece of paper flew right into Clay's face, who quickly grabbed it and examined it in curiosity. The rest of the brothers came over to examine it as well: it was a picture, depicting what looked like a detailed sketch of a window with an eye at the center, all inside a hexagon. The brothers could only stare at the picture in confusion, attempting to figure out what it meant, until John's ear flickered due to a sound from behind. His survival instincts kicking in, he slowly turned his head around in caution and his eyes widened as he realized the structure of the house was about to snap!
John Dory – Bros…? Bros, we gotta go!
With another shake, the wall at the end of the room rips off, the outside wind roaring as it swept through. The beams below the house were now fully breaking off, causing the entire house to begin to collapse. Floyd quickly grabbed branch into his arms, as John did with Rhonda, while Clay shoved the spyglass and the sketch into his hair before the brothers all swiftly rushed out of Ike's room just before the rest of it was ripped off the house and fell straight into the lake below. They looked behind them to watch the room fall, until John heard a screeching noise ahead of them, grabbing Spruce's shoulder to get his attention as they both turned around to see the fridge was sliding across the floor heading right for them!
Spruce – Come away from the fridge.
Clay – What?
The fridge suddenly sped up!
Spruce – If it falls, it could crush you flat!
Clay and Floyd quickly turned around, their eyes widening in shock as they now saw the fridge speeding right towards them! John and Floyd quickly dove to the right while Spruce and Clay dove to the left just in time to avoid the fridge hitting them. John and Floyd landed on their knees, holding Branch and Rhonda close and protectively to their chests as they fearfully watched the fridge slide off the edge of the house and into the lake below. Spruce and Clay quickly ran to their brothers' sides and helped them up before the 4 huddled close together and began to try to head to the exit, however with the powerful howling wind pushing against them along with the collapsing house making them stumble, they struggled with every step; John quickly slid his goggles over his eyes and took the lead as he attempted to guide his brothers through the raging wind. All of the furniture and household items were swiftly either sliding or flying across the house and out into the lake, tearing down the walls and breaking apart the wooden beams within the house as well. Soon the stove was shown breaking away from its plug in the wall, causing gas to leak, followed immediately by the telephone on the wall breaking off as well, causing sparks of electricity to fly and reach the gas, lighting it and setting the entire stove aflame, much to the brothers' shock!
John Dory – The stove bursting into flames!
As the house continued to crumble, the flaming stove appeared to begin sliding towards the brothers as well, however the floor beneath it quickly gave out and the 5 trolls + 1 critter watched in shock as it fell through the wood straight down towards the water. A carefree Wing-Dingle was shown squawking as it waddled on top of a sailboat stationed right next to a dock on the edge of the lake, until the flaming stove crashed through most of the dock and into the water, luckily missing the boat, but scaring the Wing-Dingle off as it let out a single fearful, yet somewhat comical squawk. The brothers were then shown again, looking back up just in time to see what was left of the stove plug in the wall fall to the side, the hot blue flames directed right next to the glass doorknob of one of the entrance doors to the room. The glass nob began heating up fast, turning red and even beginning to crack, to which the brothers could only watch in shock and overall disbelief once again; all of them knowing exactly what was going to happen next.
Clay – No way!
John Dory – Get down!
All the brothers grabbed onto one another as John forced them to the ground, spreading out his hair and creating a dome-shaped shield around them all just as the doorknob shattered and sent hundreds of flaming glass shards everywhere. They remained sprawled on the deck in the protection of John's hair as more items and furniture flew past and around them, the storm tearing the entire house apart, until finally, the shaking seemed to come to a stop. John slowly retracted his hair, but he and the rest of the brothers all continued to stay pressed to the floor, shaking in fear as they held each other tight.
John Dory – Is it over?
Spruce was the first to look up to see if it was safe, but his eyes only widened at the sight before him, just as a fire extinguisher suddenly landed right in front of his head, just barely missing him. Spruce immediately turned his head around to gaze at the back as well, his shocked expression unchanging.
Spruce – John Dory, we have a problem.
John finally lifted his head up and slid his goggles back up onto his forehead while Clay, Floyd, Branch, and Rhonda looked up as well; all of their eyes also widened in shock as they saw that the wind had ripped apart nearly the entire house except for the front entrance building as well as the small platform they were currently lying on that still had a bit of remaining wall on the right as well as a single shelf standing behind them. However, the platform was cut off from the rest of the remaining house, being held up only by a single wooden support beam connected to the cliff, leaving the brothers stuck.
CLIFFHANGER! *Literally
And yes, Spruce's last line was indeed a reference to the quote "Houston, we have a problem." After all, the BroZone brothers are once again in quite the pickle. Will they find a way out with their combined ingenuity just as they have before... Find out in the next chapter!
Look forward to it!