CHAPTER 5

Hope is a waking dream

Will Colin finally find Pen? Find out in this chapter.

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As Colin wakes up from his settee, he does not find Pen and gets anxious. Their private chamber is rather dark and blurry, the candle lighting the chamber in the corner on the desk seems to be almost dead.

He calls out her name but she doesn't reply, fear starts to engulf him as his heart races. He steadily moves to their bedchamber looking around frantically as the place appears unfamiliar and too quiet. After entering, he suddenly notices that the floor beneath him is starting to crack following in his footsteps.

He scans for Pen hurriedly, his heart pounding louder in his chest, however her absence is clearly noticeable. Colin then sees Pen outside the bedchamber gazing at him in sadness, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Goodbye Colin" she says, her voice sounding distant. "Don't look for me Colin" Her voice now echoed in the walls as he started sensing the earth shaking beneath him. He placed his hands covering his ears as a loud cracking noise came from the floor next to him.

He shouts for her. The roof begins collapsing above Penelope and he presumed she would die if he did not intervene to save her. "Pen, give me your hand. We need to get out of here," he shouted distraughtly. He held out his arm to her beyond the door. Penelope remains idle. "Goodbye Colin" she says once more as she seems to be drifting away, her voice sounding even further. She repeats those two words until the roof collapses on her.
"PEN!" Colin shouts deafeningly as he awakes in a sudden, in a sitting position, scaring Benedict. Benedict approaches him and consoles him immediately as Colin is looking all scared and sweaty. "Colin, it's fine, I am here." "Did you have a nightmare?" Benedict was still half asleep but trying to calm Colin, softly placing a hand on his shoulder.

Colin, breathless, was slowly drifting back to reality as he realised he was staying in a hotel with Benedict in search of his wife just after he was examining his brother believing he was in his own bedchamber at the Bridgerton house.

Benedict offered him water and sat beside him for a while listening to the reason he shouted. Colin was unable to gather his words, shifting back to a dreamlike state while attempting to recall what he supposed he had just experienced.

'What could this be? Why was their home breaking?' Colin reflected. It could only mean that their 'home' was broken because his wife, Penelope, was no longer there. She was the pillar that supported his home and now she was gone. Visioning her bidding him goodbye was heartbreaking and he preferred to forget that dream.

While in his dream, the sensation of permanently losing her felt so real and intense.

Colin was shaking as sweats dripped off his temples and tears began rolling incessantly down cheeks, his heart raced, booming. He had been traumatised.

After a while Benedict retreated to bed while Colin paced the bedchamber, panting, attempting strenuously to return to his normal state before falling back to sleep.

The following morning, as soon as Penelope woke up she felt sick and threw up three times before deciding to finally break her fast with some plain bread. The journey was not over and she had yet to meet the individual who would help her find a suitable accommodation to permanently settle.

To help her feel better and hit the road sooner, the maid had mixed up a concoction for her. Penelope had no intention of halting there for very long. The sooner she settled, the less she would experience the journey sickness and shifting of locations also seemed to affect her due to her current condition.

As she resumed her journey, Penelope contemplated her wedding band. While writing the farewell letter Penelope had considered leaving her wedding band but then she reckoned it was one memory of their union besides their child she desired to preserve.

One day maybe she might choose to bury it deep in a drawer and move on from her husband's memories. Though it was not soon, the time would come. Thankfully she had taken the first step of leaving him.

Colin finally gave in to Benedict's fourth attempt of forcing him to eat some breakfast as he did not want to due to feeling sick from the previous night's incident. He was still dealing with the emotional effects of his trauma as he kept recalling it.

"Shall we go brother?" Benedict came to call him as their carriage driver was waiting, he did not respond. His older brother knew Colin was not healthy enough to travel but would not admit so and would unquestionably not consent to pause for longer as this would reduce the likelihood of finding Penelope. Colin ultimately got up and weakly headed towards their carriage.

They resumed their investigation by every accommodation or as at now additionally asking people on the street since they were somewhat far from the ton and could avoid being recognised. The Bridgerton brothers next stopped at a hotel in Scotland.

As Benedict was inquiring at the main reception for Penelope, Colin stood outside breathing some fresh air as he had been sick during the whole journey. His hand rested on the side of a wall, with eyes tired, his shirt loosened without a waistcoat and hair dishevelled, Colin looked as if he had just woken up from a nightmare as people passing by gave him stern looks, and in fact he had.

"Colin!" Benedict gave him a loud call. Colin turned to look at his brother rapidly, frowning on his tone.

Benedict said nothing more, just stood there staring at him. Then he smiled slightly and nodded.

Colin was dumbstruck, his frown fade, his jaw dropped faintly. 'Could this mean…?' dozens of thoughts ran through his mind.

He instantly rushed inside bypassing his brother. Benedict came running behind him. Colin looked at the receptionist nervously but before he could swamp the individual with questions, Benedict explained. The reception had actually confirmed that a plump short woman with red locks accompanied by a maid had indeed visited and stayed the night, just the day before. There were other details that were also confirmed.

Coli's gaze shifted from his brother, fixed on the man at the reception enthusiastically awaiting approval to what his brother was saying.

Upon receiving an affirmative sign he faced back his brother, eyes brightened, grinning breathlessly. There was a glimmer of hope filled in his eyes upon the revelation he just obtained, an aura of positivity permeated the atmosphere. His eyes became watery but unlike the previous days it was not out of melancholy.

Benedict felt relieved to see his younger brother exhibiting a sign of joy after suffering for so long. Benedict gave him a pat on the back as he smiled back heartedly at his baby brother. "Soon she will be back with you brother." Colin nodded and sighed contentedly as he shook the receptionist's hand in gratitude and gestured a thankful nod, still grinning.

He was feeling hopeful again for having acquired at least a clue, an inkling of promise to the path towards his wife, his happiness. Colin hugged his brother in gladness. Benedict patted his back.

Colin afterwards attempted to gather further information from the receptionist and regrettably obtained none more but was nevertheless relieved to have obtained a significant indication. If Pen checked into that hotel it would imply she had followed the same route and could be in the vicinity. Hope glistened in his eyes.

Colin could almost picture himself giving Pen a big hug and bringing her back home.

They eagerly interrogated every other accommodation nearby including people on the street but obtained no further helpful clues. Penelope had wrapped herself with a coat after becoming sick as she had been shivering due to weakness. On certain occasions, she was reluctant to eat sufficiently after throwing most of her meals, she was too consumed by her despair. Her coat did not make her red locks visible and too many short women came with a maid.

Some days after , Colin recognised how he had been neglecting himself as he saw his stubble and messy hair while staring at his reflection in the mirror in the morning. He decided to pay a visit to the barber.

Penelope, in the meantime, was finding it harder and harder to pause for little periods of time to swiftly continue her journey. She occasionally felt forced to stay during the day or more than one night before resuming her journey.

Her maid had just served her some hot vegetable soup and lit the fire. Penelope drafted a list of work she might do to survive. Perhaps not now, in the future when her child is old and before her LW savings run out.

She had some ideas already. Perhaps an article writer, or a novel writer. 'What about an editor?' Penelope pondered as she recalled that Colin did not allow her to edit his writings but maybe someone might trust her enough to hire her as editor, paying her sufficiently to support her baby.

She was still thinking about Colin..obviously. However, she chose to give her future some thought.

While at her previous hotel, Pen took some time to visit a nearby library to feel a sense of comfort and perhaps find an interesting book. Subsequently, she came upon a travel-themed novel and purchased it.

Penelope desired no more to read novels of love stories to inflict more hardship on herself. 'Hopefully one day she will discover a book of travelling chronicles written by a woman' Perhaps herself?' she pondered as she glared at the chamber's blazing fire. Her eyes not blinking at all, absorbed in her notion.

Penelope was maddened by society's denial of women's writing freedom. What was wrong in that? It meant no harm to anyone. That was the primary cause of her and Colin's argument. 'Or perhaps their relationship itself was not strong enough.' She blinked and dropped her attention to her book and opened it to the first chapter. This will keep her busy for a while.

Colin finds Penelope running away and not stopping, her small little feet moving fast through the curtains. As she runs through the curving path of the market, she keeps looking back at him while giggling, sounding more like a teasing laugh than a cheerful one.

Unexpectedly, she disappears through the many colourful curtains of the market and so does everyone else. Colin finds the surroundings growing dark and silent. The market gradually disappears. He notices a well to his proximity and approaches it. As he advances, he hears Penelope's voice calling out to him. He peeks inside the well and finds her in the deep dark hole, falling slowly.

Colin is horrified and stretches out his hand to her speedily but she plummets downwards while shouting his name, her arms flowing freely as she falls and as he watched her disappear completely Colin cries out for her: "PEN! NO! PEN, COME BACK!" "DON'T GO!" "PEN!"

Colin wakes up abruptly finding himself in the dark, panting, and perspiring profusely. He was having another nightmare about losing Pen. Benedict came and sat beside him.

"How did it come to this point?", he sounded worried for his brother. "You were both so happy and suddenly here you are having nightmares over her" Benedict sighed.

It was the fourth time he had had a nightmare of losing Penelope. Days had passed since they had obtained their first clue regarding Penelope but were still stuck at that point. They had not progressed and weren't slightly ahead. Colin feared their search seemed to be meeting a dead end.

Colin looked at him tensely, unable to reply.

"Go to sleep brother." "We will find her soon and all will be fine." Benedict pat Colin's shoulder with a reassuring nod. Then kissed his head before resuming to sleep.

Colin, still panting in his sitting posture, watched as he went back to his bed.

Colin was unable to sleep again for the fear of having another nightmare and additionally because his thoughts were racing with the possibility that he would not see Pen again, that he might have to return without her at some point and live the rest of his life in solitude. She, who made her feel fulfilled would no longer bless his presence.

The following day, Colin fell sick and was unable to travel. He was throwing up and was unable to eat much. His eyes were red and his body was shaking. He had also developed dark circles due to poor sleep. Benedict knew Colin would not consent, so he imposed on him to stay.

Colin experienced another nightmare that night as he had developed fever whilst asleep. Fortunately, Benedict was by his side to help him recover and the temperature did not become too high.

That night Colin sat by the window crying, worried that she could have travelled much farther and he would not be able to catch her or locate her at all.

Good news, their visit did not last long and the next morning with Colin feeling somewhat better, they set off again to continue their pursuit. They paused by a hotel for the night in Scotland where they had initially inquired about Penelope.

Even though it was still early in the evening, Benedict determined best for them to stop for the day because Colin was recently sick and still a bit fragile. Furthermore, he had not slept well for the last few days. This way, he could go to bed early and catch up on lost sleep.

It was the same hotel Penelope was lodging at.

Sadly, she had fallen sick too and the maid had advised her to not travel until she recovered. Although Pen was feeling considerably better today, she was suggested to spend one more night before continuing on her travels.

That was the last destination and Pen would meet Genevieve's acquaintance the following day to assist her in finding a permanent place to live.

After the brothers settled down the payment and the details at the desk, Benedict brought their luggage to their chamber while Colin scanned his surroundings hoping that by some miracle he would spot Pen there, her radiant smile on her face.

As he did at every hotel they visited to inquire or stay, he scrutinised all the areas before withdrawing back to their chamber. It was on the third floor and he felt lazy; he had several steps to climb.

While climbing the stairs leisurely he greeted the passers-by. The folks there seemed friendly and social. The stair area was rather noisy as everyone was chattering. He managed to get to their bedchamber and made himself comfortable. With the light emitted from the window, the bedchamber appeared bright making the atmosphere appear tranquil and serene.

Colin remembered his own bed chamber. The one where he had forsaken his wife to stay, alone.

He and Benedict decided to visit the lounge to relax a bit before dinner. The sun was almost out and there was not much to do outdoors. Colin glanced at the individuals over there as they relaxed.

An elderly man was sitting by himself; nobody else had come up to chat with him. Perhaps he was living there permanently or travelling alone on some sort of expedition. Colin could not possibly know.

Next, there was a family with three children who were arguing over biscuits as it appeared the parents were not able to afford many of them. Gazing upon them, he noticed a family of three to his right.

There was a man and a woman and what appeared to be a newborn child. They all appeared rather happy and the baby was giggling, looking bubbly.

Given how young they both looked and how little the infant seemed, the pair appeared to be newlyweds. Just like him and Penelope were.

As Colin looked at them, tears flooded his eyes. He wondered how delighted they would be as a couple if they had a child of their own; if Penelope was at his side, they might all be just as happy as that small family. He would have his own little family.

He started sobbing, feeling emotional from the scene and as he began to sob more loudly, Benedict got alarmed and hurriedly glanced at him, horrified if anyone had noticed him crying. Fortunately, everyone was preoccupied with their own life and hadn't noticed Colin as they were concealed in a corner. He attempted to shush him but knew it was to no avail.

After bringing him to their chamber, Benedict attempted to calm him as he was having a breakdown. Colin screamed, knelt down and wailed like a madman.

"PEN…" "Penelope…" and Benedict had to console him to calm down.

In addition to missing his wife, Colin was depressed for missing too much sleep; he was becoming hysterical.

He finally became composed and went to wash his face.

Benedict checked on Colin's well-being and, as soon as he was quiet, took him out for dinner, distracting him with conversations of diverse topics.

Penelope had eaten in her bedroom while attempting to complete her book's sixth chapter. She had requested the maid to bring in her dinner since she didn't feel like walking down. Perhaps she might go downstairs later to sit and unwind for a while. She didn't want to overexert herself before resuming her journey the following day.

After having another nightmare in the middle of the night in which he apologises to Pen and begins to cry, Colin wakes up and begins to sob loudly.

Benedict informs him that these dreams must cease for his well-being and that in order for them to continue their journey early the next morning, he needed to get some sleep before. They have a heart to heart conversation as his brother is anxious for him, sitting by his side on his bed before retreating to his.

Colin goes to the lounge to decompress as he can't sleep. He sits by the bar and drinks only water since he doesn't want to get wasted or become sicker. The state of remaining sober aided him to remain focused on his memories as he would think of his wife.

Looking around, he saw that not many people were in the lounge at the moment and that most of them were simply relaxing alone. Just as he was observing his surroundings, he recognised a familiar figure.

A short woman, plump, with red silky locks, exactly like his wife.

'Penelope?!'

'Could it be?'

Colin's eyes widened as he attempted to focus to check if it was who he assumed it to be and deep down he wished it was her. She was at the reception, her back facing him. If she turned and went in the opposite direction, he would not be able to identify who it was.

Penelope felt parched and wished to summon her maid for some water as the one in their chamber was over. Then she noticed how her maid was snoring, having been by her side, assisting her all day long.

As per the norms Penelope is not expected to be unchaperoned or do things by herself but call her maid. Anyway she was far from the ton and she did not need to comply with these rules. She would merely go tell someone to deliver water to their chamber at the reception. Luckily she was on the first floor and had not much to go.

Colin has shifted from his slouchy posture and straightened himself. Lips pursed and eyes fixed on the lady.

Suddenly the woman turns and from her side profile he instantly recognises that she is Penelope!

He does not believe his eyes. Since he was in a dreamy condition, he assumed he was dreaming.

He gave her a longer look just to make sure, and he's confident it's Pen. He gets up and walks towards her as she is looking around the lounge. Penelope unexpectedly turns towards Colin and is flabbergasted. Her eyes widened, her heart pounding in her chest as she sees the man approaching her. Colin gives her a desperate look in the eyes, tears flooding his.

"Colin!"