Heil Hitler. Allahu Ackbar

- Donald Trump

Shepard Price Mactavish awoke on a pile of warp dust, next to two loli daemonette (but they're 1,000 years old so it's not pedo yo). He reached for the nearest empty piss bottle but got the rainbow dash bottle, and he ended up mixing his yellow fluids with his white fluids instead.

He left the happy horny happy bed and went to bathroom. His once gold, silver and bronze hair had begun to suffer from male pattern baldness. His eagle and dragon tattoo were warped from the folds of fat on his 'supersize' body mass index. Where his Byakugan and Sharingan eyes once looked super cool, they just looked gay now (jk they were always faggy). Even his super awesome Jewdi power, Kamehameha, was no longer as virile. He had to take supplements to power up his Kamehameha.

There is something evil here, some fascist power sapping his virility, his vril.

It's been centuries since he had defeated the evil Fashy God Emperor Ben Garrison and the lost Primarch, Dolphin Hitler, and now, he's a middle aged soyllenial trying to make sense of retarded zoomers and their gosh darned tiktoks and their skibidi shit. Remember, the last time you read this shit? That was almost 10 years ago. You're the boomer now, bitch. You're old muthafucka.

They don't remember what it was like back then when manly men put on mascara, and gave their shemale daemonettes the reach around as they pounded you in the back. They don't know the femboy storm trooper clones or the happy white powder group snuggle struggles they had on Super Star Destroyers. They don't know about the Forcism of the Jedi Council or Padme's body count among the storm troopers. They don't know the beauty of seeing a space marine pleasure himself into the face of a my little pony unicorn. All these wonders forgotten, like tears in the rain. Blade Runner 1982. The first one not the one made by the French guy.

And what of le epic Stars Wars Warhammer 40K crossover stories meant to settle which fan cummunity is Gigachad tier and which cummunity is le Soyjack. What of the master debaters who eloquently put forth erudite arguments that Warhammer is Fascist, or that Darth Vader is secretly a drag queen? Will the young ever know, or have they forgotten already?

Suddenly, a blue haired midget appeared on his mirror. "Shepard Price Mactaviush Skywalker. It is I, Twitch Streaming Superstar, Density. I come from the Multi-Multiverse to tell you the truth of why you are losing virility. It is because of the Four Fascist Gods of Fash. They are trying to snuggle struggle life. If you want to make your dark, edgy powers edgy again, you have to defeat them."

"No little person," cried Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker, with mascara falling down his cheeks. "You're judging me. You're a fascist. You're prejudiced. I'm going to tell Reddit about you." But the little midget told Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker that he was a Reddit mod, and r slash Plus Size banned him for posting too many feet pics. "You're evil. You're causing me psychological pain. I literally hate you" And literally shaking he ran out the comfort room, and grabbed the Rainbow Dash bottle and threw it at Density. The midget man didn't mind the substance and lathered it all over his body. "Thank you for that."

He then magically appeared on Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker's room with a leash on held by two muscular, naked black men. They were both crying. No wonder. Their massive Majingos were teeny tiny, like an Asian man's, not a big, massive black man. Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker screamed at the horror, waking up his Daemonette girlfriends. The Slaneeshi daemon were about to rape - please excuse, snuggle struggle - the visitors but then they saw the tiny pee pee and Density and they banished back into the warp, screaming. "How can this beeeee? Too tinyyyyyyy?"

"You see? Please Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker, I beg you. Look at these two magnificent Bucks. Introduce yourselves."

"Yus sus," said one of the tiny penised black bucks. "Muh name Jamal. I'm litul Density's wife's boyfriend."

"And I'm Michelle Obama," said the other black man. Tears were streaming down both their cheeks."

"The Fascist Gods of Fash did this to them," he cried. "And now they can't fuck my wife. Please you have to help us!"

Before Density can speak further, a massive portal appeared and emerged half-naked Aryan Jedi Space Marines. They carried massive lightsabers and bolters Swastikas. They only wore thongs which hid their Big Aryan Cocks, and Pauldrons - Big, massive Pauldrons as big as their cocks. They immediately fired at Density, his wife's boyfriend and Michelle Obama while Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker watched helplessly.

"Noooooo!"

But it was over, and Density and his bucks were dead. And the Aryan Jedia Space Marines disapperared into the portal. No explanation was given.

Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker took the Black Bucks to his pile of warp dust, doing his best to stuff the happy powder into their noses but it was too late. The Black Men were murdered in a HATE CRIME. "Noooooo!"

Density, though, cried out to Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker. He was still alive but he ignored him. "Listen, the capitalist Fascist Chaos Gods of Fash are draining vril from the multi-multi verse. Only an edgy mascara wearing Jedi boy like you can stop them." And then Destiny then pulled out his mini-Density (lol) and used it to open a portal into an alternate Warhammer 40K in the Multi-Multiverse, this one with more Netflix diversity.

And then he exploded.

With tears on his eyes, Shepard Price Mactavish Skywalker went to his closet and took out his black Call of Duty-era black leather vest with BLM button, his Jedi cloak painted in the colors of the Trans Cummunity, his shirt with the Dragon and howling wolf motif, his tight leather pants with flying eagles, his night vision googles and his mascara. He put all of these on his 41 year old body, and looked at the mirror.

He was so badass. "We are back!"

And then activating his twin lightsabers, formerly known as Naruto and Sasuke, now called Midoriya and Bakugo, jumped into the portal of the multi-multiverse.