AN: Context for New Readers - original chapter was an author note apologizing posted by an idiot with under four hours of sleep under his belt. Should've just skipped posting altogether.

AN2: Thank you all for all of your well wishes and encouragement, I only wish I could just allow you all to review again...I can't, but for those of you with accounts, you can go onto your settings, under the Reviews tab, and delete the reviews on the AN that was once CH 54.

So, we'll press on with the important things...The Cyber Cookies from CH53!

One-half Cyber Cookie to ghust95, for being the first to spot the obvious TFS reference! Only half, because it was turned into an anti-joke. I blame Myself for his influence on that.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Catch Me If You Can

"Something's different." Verosika mused as she walked into Bee's workshop beside Vortex.

It might've taken most of the day before – since she stopped to apologize to Milky for her attitude and had several quickies with her Crew – but with the help of her burly bodyguard and strict lawyer to keep them on task, she managed to get her stuff packed for her stay at Lzebub Manor. Once she was set up in a room, she avoided the distinct and familiar scent of fresh, unadulterated sex and sought her hostess out. She found the Sin of Gluttony as she darted from one cauldron of Beelzejuice to the next like a woman possessed. Bee grumbled and growled to herself at rapid fire, snagged a taste then groaned.

"Not even close! Fuuuuck. There's no way this is going to be ready by tomorrow night."

"Uh-oh, sounds like we've stumbled across another roadblock." Tex muttered as he walked over and caught the spazzy Sin in a hug from behind. She relaxed into his embrace and purred as he nosed and nuzzled her neck. "Hey, baby. Good day?"

"Fucking great day, babe. Baby Bro's a fantastic fuck and I was right: his knot is fucking bigger than yours." Ahh, the patented motor mouth of Beelzebub. It never ceases to amaze Verosika at how fast Bee could shut someone up just by opening her mouth. Although, Vortex might not have minded the comparison, since he just hummed and kissed her cheek. Oblivious or uncaring of the total dick movie by comparing their junk, the Sin continued. "And Pretty Pup is so fuckin' hot when she doms. A bit too selfish with Baby Bro's knot, but I think I can break her of that with another fuck or twelve."

"...Ohh, I think I understand why you got a week-long pass now." Verosika muttered. She shook her head and sauntered in as Bee turned in Tex's arms and hugged him back. She kissed his cheek and then gave his neck a sniff.

"You fucked Caddy, huh? How was that?"

"Tight." He shrugged. "Hard to get in, hard to get out."

"I thought you said I wouldn't get the story without alcohol?" Verosika scowled at him. He smirked at her and his tail wagged once before he got control of himself again. She threw her hands up in disbelief. "I could've gotten dirt on Caddy and you denied me, for what? A dumb joke?"

"A small prank, sounds like." Bee scratched her boyfriend's chin. "You feelin a little insecure, babe? Copying pages from Baby Bro?"

"Fuck no," the Hound scoffed even as his tail wagged a bit more. "I just like fuckin' with Vee. Rarely get a chance to."

"Well, you got all week to do so if you want."

"It was that good, huh?"

"If I try to go the rest of the month without getting another mouthful of Baby Bro's baby batter, I think I'll go crazy."

"...Said any perfectly normal and sane individual."

"Shut up." Bee snorted and shoved the smirking Hound.

"Speaking of the sexy little stud, I haven't seen hide nor tail of him since I showed up." Verosika crossed her arms. "What'd you do, Bee? Break him so bad he went into hiding?"

"Shit, I wish. That's basically what I'm doing." Bee snorted. She bit her lip and idly ran a hand along her stomach. "First time the little fucker knotted me I let out a Sin Scream."

"...For real?" Tex gulped. Bee sniffed the air and then smirked at him.

"That turned you on a bit, huh, Cucky?"

"Annnd it's off again." Tex deadpanned. The Sin laughed and pecked his cheek.

"Whatever you say, Vore-Tex."

Verosika frowned as she looked between her friends / co-workers. Avoiding her gaze, Tex's ears folded back as he growled something while Bee rolled her eyes, scratched his jaw and pecked him on the nose. Hold on, she knew this behavior. She participated in this kind of play with some wrinkly old senator from up top once or twice. Her eyes went wide and she rounded on her bodyguard.

"Tex...Are you two trying out cuckolding?"

"Wha–? No!" He snapped at the same time Bee shrugged. "Kind of."

" Babe!" The Hellhound whirled on her with a whine. She patted his face and pecked him again.

"Oh, relax, Vortex. Baby Bro hasn't agreed to be our Bull yet." She paused. "Mostly because Pretty Pup is so selfish, but if I can get her to participate in a crumbkkake with me next time...We should be good."

"...There is so much to address about that statement." Verosika muttered as she rubbed her face before she looked at Tex, who pointedly refused to meet her gaze. Alright, yeah, with a further squint she could see how he would be open to cuck-life. No wonder he had a 'Free Fuck' week...Wait, hold on, something Bee said got her attention. "What the fuck is a crumbkkake?"

"It's when you get a group of guys, or dickgirls, or a mix, and they crumble up a bunch of cookies and sprinkle them on your face! I read about it online." Bee grinned. The succubus' eyebrow went up, that did not sound like something real, it sounded like something her ex would make up on improv night – don't ask, they had a lot of stupid-but-cute date nights she regrets paying for. The Sin shrugged and went back to working on her Beelzejuice concoctions. "Sounds way better than a bukkake. Cleaner, too."

"...Tex–?"

"We're also looking into water sports and Vore. There, happy you asked, Boss? You officially know more about my sex life than I wanted you to." He grunted and crossed his arms.

"Cut me some slack, I wasn't going to ask about that. ...Vore? How do–? Right. Stupid question." Verosika corrected herself when both Hellhound and Sin pointed at the latter. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, so, if he's not in hiding, where is the Bully-to-Be?"

"Well, his clones are cleaning the place, but Baby Bro? Probably in the gym." Bee grabbed a remote with her free left hand and clicked it at a fifty-inch television screen. Verosika blinked as footage of the shirtless, blue shorts-clad Foxfiend on the bench press and his Hellhound girlfriend in her own black colored sportswear 'spotting' him – if that bitch could help with that weight at all, Verosika would eat a fucking shoe – came on. Bee blinked. "Oh, still on weights? Figured they'd be at the cardio stage at this point."

"...fucking show off, that's three times my limit." Vortex grunted. Bee purred and leaned into him.

"I know right?! Baby Bro got that compact muscle going on." The Hound growled and she smiled as she rubbed his arms. "Don't worry, I still love your bulk, babe. It's just–"

"You're just a Sin of many tastes, yeah, yeah."

"Smart boy." Bee cooed and gave him another kiss. She pulled back with a grin. "Oh hey, since you're both here, can you guys do me a solid?"

"Oh, uh, I'd love to, but the bathroom's calling my na–!" Verosika found herself bound by a slab of honey to a chair made of honey. "Aw, shit."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not be a taste dummy again, babe." Tex grimaced and took a step back before he suffered the same fate Verosika found herself in. The Sin grinned and pinched his cheek.

"It's so fuckin' cute how you think you have an option, Vore-Tex."

Verosika would later swear she'd seen it with her own eyes, but he'd argue it was her sex-focused imagination that caused her to see his shorts tighten and a bulge grow. Yeah, maybe it was, but Dom-Bee tended to make Verosika wet. She would bet actual money that her actual fucking boyfriend would suffer the same effects.

"Now, we're all going to keep tasting these batches until they match the right thickness, consistency and taste."

"...Of what?" Tex asked. Stupidly or bravely was up for debate.

"Of ramen, ya goof." Stupidly, Tex's question for clarity on what they were taste-testing was stupidly asked. Not bravely. "I want to get a prototype out before the party tomorrow night so I can get a legit batch out for Baby Bro's birthday."

Verosika blanched at the spoonful of honey that was suddenly brought her way. She should've stayed in jail another night. At least then, maybe she'd enjoy the throat-fucking she was going to suffer today.

"Nineteen... Twenty..." Naruto panted as he shakily lowered the literal ton of weight he had distributed on his barbell to the rack with his spotter's help. He laid for a moment to catch his breath and then pulled himself upright with a groan. "Fuck. I don't think I've done that much in a while."

"Ten sets of twenty." Two sets of claws started to knead and press into his shoulders from behind. The arms they were attached to slipped around and hugged him around the neck, before their owner nuzzled into the side of his head and nipped his left ear. "Alright, I'll admit it, I was wrong. You are stronger than the average Hellhound. Consider me impressed."

"Oh, only now you're impressed?" He huffed around a laugh as he nuzzled back into Loona's muzzle. He rumbled as she pecked at his jaw and leaned into a scratch of his Spot.

"You still owe me a run." She reminded him. He sighed and nodded. His left arm started to get feeling back and he tentatively lifted it to wrap it around her hips – slightly unrelated side note: Naruto fucking loved the spandex shorts his girlfriend sported and the sports bra she opted for rather than a shirt. They highlighted the sexy curvy, curvy hips he loved to trace with his eyes and claws so dearly extremely well. – to give her a hug.

"Quick water break, then we'll circle around the grounds."

"What are you, some kind of bitch?"

"Loon," he smirked and leaned up to meet her lips with a kiss before he pulled back and stood up with a stretch. "It's cute how you think that challenge would get to me, but I've been working out since before I was born. Rule one: hydration is key."

"Since before– Doof, that doesn't even make sense." She huffed as she followed him to where the fridge of water bottles were stashed. He cracked the door and grabbed two bottles before he tossed a third to his girlfriend. One of the two he grabbed for himself was ingested without cracking the seal, and the second he popped open before draining it.

"Ahh...No, it might not, but I swear it's the truth." He shrugged at her disbelieving stare before he finished off his plastic bottle. Mm, microplastics, that was the best dark meat. He hooked his arm around Loona's shoulders as they made their way out to the path he was going to lead her through on their run. He gave his girlfriend more of a tour as they walked through his sister's house, also discovering anything new she changed and familiarizing himself with the layout in the event he had to play Bouncer. They stopped a few times outside some doors when he didn't know the answer to the question–

"What's in here?" She asked. Her claw was on a door that had a 'Beware of Kit ten' sign nailed on it, and various other ridiculous warnings. It was a small room he established as a sanctuary outside of his room that was not meant to be utilized by anyone except for him; it was where he prepped and planned out various pranks or went for a moment of quiet. He spent a lot of nights there after Jay-Jay snatched him, but actually hadn't been in there in...years, now? Shit... He needed to pull another big prank soon.

"Ah, it's my Prank Room."

"Is the room a prank or it's where you plan pranks?"

"...Yes." He smirked. She gave him a flat stare.

"That's not an answer, Doof."

"Do you want to open it and find out?"

"...Swear on all that's evil, if I step on a whoopie cushion or something..." She sighed and left his side to open the door. She stood in the doorway and cupped her muzzle, stifling a laugh. "Oh...my fucking...Beelzebub–!"

"She said she was recovering from last night, so give her another – Bee, what the actual shit." Naruto deadpanned as he walked up behind her and looked into the room. The room was essentially untouched except for the familiar, child-sized 'stuffed' version of himself that was sitting on the couch aligned past his blueprint desk. A sign hung above the couch that read 'Cuddle Couch: Do Not Disturb or Be Eaten'.

She'd messed with his sanctuary. He was definitely chewing her out for this – actually, he still had to get back at her and her boyfriend for their 'prank' on his girlfriend. He okayed a prank, not a fuckin' heart attack. His eye twitched and his ear flicked while Loona walked in to examine the toy.

"I can't believe this is real." She turned to grin at him as she picked up the solid orange fox with a doofy long tail and hugged it to her chest. Her tail did its stupid cute tip-wag as she rubbed her face against the stuffed animal. "Smells kind of like you, and it's so soft...This is what you looked like when you were little, right?"

"No, that's just a gag gift I got Bee a few years ago before she and Vore-Tex got serious, er steady. She must've left it in here after he started moving his crap in." He huffed. She smirked and nuzzled the doll. Stupid doll, worst prank he ever made. "Loon, I did not look like a stuffed anim–"

"Yeah we did, Boss." A passing clone pushing a dry mop deadpanned. He growled at it as it grumbled none-too-quietly under its breath. "Stupid long tail and ears...making us look like the stupid fox bastard...Bee always glomped on us then, too...Well, that hasn't changed much."

"Whose side are you on?!" He snapped. The clone flipped him the bird and he was half-tempted then and there to dispel the ungrateful bastard. If it weren't for the fact he'd have to make another one that would probably argue with him for an hour, he would have. A gentle set of claws turned his head away from the clone back to his girlfriend's gorgeous red eyes.

"Okay, Doof," she gave him a small peck on the chin. "It's cute how you banter with yourself, but we have a run to get to. We still have other things to do today."

She wanted him to show her how to make Vanilla Lattes in their kitchen so that she wouldn't have to wake him up if necessary. He'd have done it this morning, but Bee insisted on treating them after she got her fix. She got them sorted and told him what his clones needed to focus on before she disappeared to work on some more 'Beelze-' Products. After breakfast, he and Loona hit the gym, she challenged him on his lift limit, and the rest was pretty much history.

"Right, ri–" Naruto scratched his neck, jostled his chain collar and let her slip out. He gave his Prank Room a final glance over and noticed there was a lack of stuffed likeness in the room. He sniffed and noticed a hint of Hope, Glee, and a bit of Fear mixed into his girlfriend's Vibes. He gave her a flat stare. "...Loon. You can't keep that. It's Bee's."

"Doesn't smell like her."

"It's probably been here for like five years. ...Huh, I haven't been in this room in five years...That's mildly irritating." He frowned and then shook his head. "No, wait. Loon. Really. You can not keep that."

"Yes, I can." She flirted her tail as she began to circle him. "The way I see it, if it's you, it's mine."

"So if I were to find, say, a child-like replica doll of you, I could keep it?" He shot back. She had to know how creepy that was, right? The only reason he had one made for Bee was because her Vibes were all over the place at the time and his stupidly hormonal ass was affected by it. Looking back, she was probably going through some kind of separation anxiety after Jay-Jay's passing.

"Absolutely fuckin' not."

"Right, so?" He held his hand out, and her pupils contracted. She backed away down the hall and he started to follow her. She turned and increased her stroll to a brisk walk. His shoulders locked. It was going to be like that? Fine. "This isn't funny...Loon? Give me the doll."

"No, it's mine."

"Dammit, Loona, just give me the fucking doll!"

" Mine!"

And so the chase began.

"Give the fuckin' doll back!"

"No! I told you it's mine!" She made a sudden left and kicked up part of the rug that she ran over. "Eat my cunt, Doof!"

"I would if– Fuck!" His jump led him headfirst into a chandelier, just as she planned. "Ow– dammit, Loon! Get back here!"

Loona hadn't had this much fun in years. She was not giving up the doll for two reasons. One: it was made in her boyfriend's cute-as-fuck child-like likeness and – he would never accept it as the truth, but there was a reason she and Bee clung to him when they all fell asleep last night; he was comfy as shit – she wanted it in case he wasn't around. Two: the doll was her doll now, she was going to scent the fuck out of it once she got it back from her storage subspace.

"Give me that doll!"

"You'll have to fuckin' pry it from my cold hands, Doof!" She called over her shoulder as she banked around a corner and juked around a mopping clone. An idea struck and she turned to look back at the clone, who had his eyes locked on her. "Block him long enough and you get a Boop!"

"Block who? Who are you going to Bo–?!" A loud clatter was followed by a yelp. He was fine, if he was really hurt he'd be quiet. "Dude, what the fuck?!"

See? Totally fine. Loona grinned and ducked up another hall to hide behind a decorative bookshelf. Partially to catch her breath – she hadn't sprinted like this in a long time and smoking for as long as she did hadn't improved her stamina; no, she still wasn't quitting, and while she had Boops available to her, she'd save her packs for if she didn't – and partially to get a good seat for the ensuing spat. What? Her boyfriend's clones were shit flirts, but their arguments were stupid and hilarious.

"Hey, when Loon tells me to block someone, Boss, I'm blocking them. Especially if there's a Boop on the line! You fuckin' Boop hogger!"

"Fuckin' Boop–?! She's my girlfriend, dipshit!"

"Not for long she's not if I have anything to say about it!"

"...No, you know what? Screw this!" A duet of poofs told her the clone was dispelled and another was made. Shit, she hadn't expected him to do that. A scrabble of claws on the ground told her he was back on his feet. "Finish mopping! Loona! I can taste your Amusement!"

"Shit." Loona huffed and sprang out of her break spot to dart up the nearby stairwell. Her boyfriend still had half a hall to clear– Something shattered behind her and she turned to see the bits of a vase fall. Then she ran into something solid at the top of the stairs and two familiar arms wrapped around her.

" Rrrai got ya!" Her boyfriend growled and spun her around as he crushed her in a hug. Loona blinked once, then twice, before she started to struggle in his grasp.

"Wha– How the fuck did you beat me up here?!"

" Kawarimi no Jutsu for the win!" His chuckle rumbled through his chest before he kissed her notched ear. Dirty, bad cheating Doof. Almost threw off her escape strategy. He waddled them to a wall and – he was too smart when he wasn't supposed to be sometimes, she swears – used it to give him more leverage on her. "Now, Loon, seriously, give me that doll."

"No." She growled and kicked out to break free. "Grr, c'mon Doof, it's just a fuckin' doll!"

"Exactly, my point. Just give it back – why do you even want it?"

"Because it's you, dumbass!" Loona snarled and gave one last kick before she went slack. She huffed and whined when he nosed at her cheek. Her eyes squeezed shut – shot through the chest; laying in a hospital bed – and she whimpered. She hated being such a bitch about this and her chest felt tight the longer she thought about it. "I want it in case you can't be close by, alright?! Because I can't...I can't go through that, again, Naruto. I can't, I can't, I can't..."

"Okay. Alright." He slid down the wall and turned her in his arms to let her scent his neck, where his Violet and Almost Coconut scent was the strongest. Especially after that makeshift run and workout earlier. He rubbed the underside of his muzzle on her head and rumbled as she took deep whiffs of his scent. A moment of silence hung over them for a good moment. "I'll get another doll made –"

A spike of worry shot through her. "But–!"

"It'll be here before our month's over." He kissed her cheek and then gently guided her nose up to his. Boop. She felt her heart rate slow. She relaxed in his arms, comforted by his assurance and his " – Promise. You can hang onto that one until it gets here."

"Fine." She whispered. They sat in that hallway for a good twenty minutes before she sniffed and tucked her head under his chin. "...Can you show me how to make the latte now?"

He chuckled and kissed her notched ear again.

"Of course, Loon."

AN: Well, fortunately, the fridge and kitchen thing were resolved in record time. The medication on the other hand...fucking medical professionals misdiagnosing so many people...I'd love it if my medication wouldn't be on fucking backorder because those who don't need it are prescribed to it so I could function normally again. But that's my personal issue, not any of yours.

Anyway, a recent review from a reader tells me that some of you are...uncomfortable with the idea of cuckolds or scat or...some other sexual play that might take place in this story. To that I say: "Well, tough shit."

This is Hell, Lovelies and Germs, and things you don't like – shit, things I don't like – tend to happen there. You think I liked spending two minutes looking into the horrors that is 'Scat Play' to make sure I avoided being too detailed about Bee's experience with it? No, I really fuckin' didn't, that's why I only spent two fuckin' minutes on it!

And cucking? Not my cup of tea – I'm too much of a "Loona" in bed to actually be cool with it – but wow, there's some people out there.

What I'm trying to say is, you've just got to remember...

IT'S JUST FAN-FICTION