AN: Rick and Morty Season 5 feels like a mixed bag so far. Some really good eps but also some kinda bad ones. Don't think it'd surprise anyone if I said I'm not adapting Rickdependence Spray. The Loud House movie was interesting. Will I adapt that in anyway? We'll see.
...
Rick and the siblings had decided to eat breakfast in the living room as they watched TV, apart from Leni, who was getting ready to go out. Rick was currently eating some pancakes. He tried to pour some syrup on them, only for the bottle to be empty. "We're out of syrup. Huh. You know what? Maybe I'll use my intern. Glootie?"
A shiny, slimy, pink alien creature with four blue eyes and a purple moustache then came over to pour some syrup onto Rick's pancakes. He was short in stature, had white claws on his fingers and had the words 'DO NOT DEVELOP MY APP' tattooed on his forehead. "Good?" He asked.
"Thanks, Glootie." Rick thanked him.
"Anything else? Do you want to develop an app?"
"No thanks, Glootie."
"What's up Glootie?" Lincoln greeted, giving him a fist bump.
"Hi, Lincoln. Do you want to develop an app?"
"Uh, no thanks."
Lori gave Glootie a suspicious look. "Grandpa Rick, why does it say, 'Do not develop my app', on your intern's forehead?"
"Why, you want to develop one?" Glootie asked.
"Ah, I'm glad you asked that, Lori. It's so nobody here develops his app." Rick replied before turning to Glootie. "Glootie, go make some photocopies of something."
Glootie shrugged. "Cool. Well, if anyone wants to develop an app with me, I'm down."
"He seems to really want to develop an app." Lori remarked as Glootie left.
"He really does, sweetie, but nobody's gonna do that." Rick stated.
"Hey guys, anyone seen the keys to the van?" Leni then shouted from the other room.
"Did you check your purse?" Lori replied.
"Thanks, I got it. Did someone take the credit card?"
"Check your purse." Lola responded.
"Oh, right. Wait, my shopping list."
"The purse, woman!" Lisa snapped.
Leni then walked into the living room, checking her shopping list. "Culottes, jeans, pom-pom sweater."
"Going shopping, Leni?" Lincoln asked.
"Not just shopping. Reiningers is having a huge two day, 25% off blowout sale, and I made up a dream shopping list for it. Yay, new wardrobe!" Leni squealed before making her way out. "Shoot, where did I put my purse?"
"Check your arms." All of the siblings replied.
After Leni left, Rick then stood up upon finishing his breakfast. "Ok, well if you'll excuse me," he patted his stomach. "I've got a quick solo adventure to go on, and this one will not be directed by Ron Howard." Rick left the living room and headed to the garage, unaware that Lisa had decided to quietly follow him. A moment later, looking out the window, the siblings noticed his cruiser fly off.
"Where do you think he goes to poop?" Lana asked.
Lola gave her twin a pointed look. "Why would you wanna know?"
...
Later on that day, the siblings were eating lunch in the living room when Leni arrived home. "I'm back!" The siblings all stared at her in shock as looked like she had been beaten up, with her clothes looking a mess.
"Are you okay, Leni? Did you wrestle a bear?" Lana asked.
"Where's your stuff?" Lynn asked.
Leni shrugged, smiling. "I didn't get any of it."
Lori gave her a concerned look. "What? Why?"
Leni waved her hand dismissively. "Well, you know how shoppers can be. Sometimes, they're a little grabby and pushy. And claw-y and shove-y."
Lola frowned. "Ah, wait, did you let a bunch of greedy bargain hunters take your stuff?!"
Leni shrugged. "I don't mind. I'll just make new clothes with my old ones. Yay!" She clapped in excitement before heading upstairs.
"Poor Leni. This always happens. She's too nice for her own good." Lori remarked.
"She needs to learn how to be a little tougher." Lana stated.
"More aggressive!" Lynn added.
"More like us!" Lincoln finished.
...
The siblings, apart from Luan, who had snuck off somewhere, entered Leni's room to see her sewing something. "Leni, how would you like to go back to that sale tomorrow, and get everything you wanted?" Lincoln offered.
"That's okay. I'm fine." Leni replied before showing everyone what she was knitting. "Look! I turned this nightgown into jeans!" She then frowned upon realising something. "Oh, wait. Now I don't have a nightgown." She picked up another pair of jeans. "Ooooh, I can make one out of these other jeans!"
The siblings all shook their heads. Lori approached her before getting her to sit down on a stool. "Leni, you need to learn to stand up for yourself. But don't worry, we're going to teach you how to become a more assertive, decisive person!"
Leni shrugged. "Well, ok. If you guys want. I'm just happy when you're happy."
Lincoln facepalmed, sighing. "We have a lot of work to do."
...
While the other siblings were busy dealing with Leni, Luan went into the garage where she saw Glootie printing something. "So why are you working with Rick anyway?" Luan decided to ask.
Glootie turned to her. "We all have our reasons. Did you want to develop an app?"
Luan raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't developing an app really upset Rick?"
Glootie shrugged. "Possibly."
A devious smirk appeared on Luan's face. "Ah, what the heck. Why not?"
...
Rick flew his cruiser over to a gorgeous lush planet with a beautiful landscape, filled with exotic plant life as he landed his cruiser at a sparkling beach. After getting out, he walked away from the beach to wade through some tall grass. There was a peaceful expression on his face as he inhaled the air. After walking through a forest with thick, tall trees, he reached a toilet seat on a short platform. Rick took a seat to do his business, enjoying the breathtaking view of the glittering, aurora borealis-like light display in the night sky, along with the sounds of the gentle breeze and distant calls of the wild. After finishing and washing his hands under a nearby small, natural waterfall, Rick paused before a frown appeared on his face. Rick then got out a laser gun, pointing it towards the forest. "Who's there?" To Rick's surprise, Lisa came out of her hiding place behind one of the trees with her hands in the air. "Lisa?" He then looked annoyed as he lowered his gun. "Is this about your whole 'poop study' thing? You know it's fucking weird watching people poop right?"
"Apologies, Grandpa Rick. I was simply curious about where it was you went whenever you needed to do your business. And also why you felt the need to do your business here as opposed to at home." Lisa explained.
"Well, I thought that would be rather obvious to you, Lisa, considering there's usually someone in the bathroom about 90% of the day in our house."
"Ah. I had simply assumed you were a shy pooper."
Rick pinched the bridge of his nose. Even with a friend, Lisa's social skills still seemed rather lacking. Before he could say anything though, he then noticed a small tree branch that looked like it had been stepped on nearby. "Hey uh, did you step on this?" Rick asked Lisa.
Lisa raised an eyebrow at the branch. "I don't believe so."
Rick frowned. He then got out a device to scan the broken branch which then created a hologram of a pink grid on the floor. Holograms of the planet's wildlife then appeared, simulating how they could have possibly stepped on the branch, though none of them seemed to match the specific way the branch was broken. Whatever stepped on the branch was unknown and definitely not from this planet. Rick then put away the device before picking up the branch, glaring at it.
"Is something wrong, Grandpa Rick?" Lisa asked.
"Someone else has been here. Motherfucker probably used my toilet too!" Rick explained before letting out a whaling cry. A deer-like alien then approached him. Rick twisted one of its antlers which caused it to trot over to a tree. It turned out this alien was a robot as its stomach opened up, revealing robotic parts that connected with the tree which then revealed an elevator in the tree. Rick stepped into the elevator along with a confused Lisa before the elevator descended into a high tech, underground lab. Rick went over to a computer and logged in, which then showed him some holographic images of some poop. Lisa deduced that this was actually a recorded history of the poop that went down Rick's toilet as he scrolled through the images. Admittedly, Lisa couldn't help but wonder if she could apply a system like this for the toilet back at home. Eventually, Rick stopped on an image of a rather strange piece of poop that didn't look like it came from a human. Rick folded his arms. "Reverse digestion extrapolation." The poop then turned into a sandwich. Rick glared at it. "Time to meet your maker."
...
The siblings had spent the rest of the day training Leni to be more assertive. The next day, Lori had taken Leni to the mall to put the training to practice. Not long after they left, Lincoln went to see Luan since he hadn't seen her at all since yesterday's lunch. He entered her room to see her and Glootie sat at her computer. He started to look worried. "What are you guys doing? Don't tell me you developed an app."
Luan grinned mischievously. "Maaaayyyybeee."
Lincoln gaped at her. "Why would you do that?! Rick specifically told us not to!"
Luan waved her hand dismissively. "Relax, it's just a dating app. What's the big deal?"
"Guys, we're getting our first users." Glootie informed them as he showed his phone.
...
Leni and Lori were in a line outside Reiningers, waiting for it to open. Leni turned to Lori. "Thanks for all of your help. I'm so excited about the new Leni! Just one question: Where did the old Leni go?"
Before Lori could answer, a man then pushed in front of Leni. Lori scowled at him. "Leni, remember what we told you."
Leni nodded before glaring at the man. "Hey! That's my spot!"
The man turned to her, about to give her a response when his phone started beeping. His eyes widened as he looked at his phone before he ran out of line. Leni smiled. "I did it!"
Lori raised an eyebrow at the man running off. "That was weird." She then shrugged, deciding that it wasn't worth thinking about.
Reiningers was about to open as a nervous employee unlocked the doors. He soon found himself pushed to the ground as all of the customers rushed in. A look of determination appeared on Leni's face as she gripped her fists and made her way inside. She soon spotted a swimsuit she wanted, which was being fought over by a couple other customers. She remembered what Lynn taught her. "Hut, Hut. Take a hike!" She charged forward, knocking the other customers out of the way before taking the swimsuit for herself.
Leni would then put her assertiveness training to good use, managing to get some other clothes she wanted before making her way to the checkout line where Lori stood, clapping for her. "Not bad, Leni."
Leni smiled proudly. "A new wardrobe! I can't believe it."
"We have to celebrate this. How about some pretzels and sodas on me?"
"Thanks, Lori. I'll meet you at the food court."
Lori then left, leaving Leni to wait in line. There was a teenage girl in front of Leni who was currently looking at her phone. It then started beeping. She then suddenly dropped the clothes she was holding before running out of the store, causing Leni to give her a confused look. Shrugging it off, Leni decided to look through the clothes she had picked up. "Hmm. This top is perfect for a cozy Saturday. And this sweater will look so good with my new nightgown jeans."
"Are you sure you don't have any more of those polka-dot swimsuits?" Leni looked over to see an old woman speaking to a store clerk next to the empty swimsuit section. The clerk shook her head. "That's all my granddaughter wants. Well, that and for me to live forever but I can't promise that."
Leni started to feel bad for the old lady. She looked down at her swimsuit before waving to get her attention. "Here! You should take mine."
The old lady then came over. "Oh!" She took the swimsuit, giving Leni a grateful smile. "You angel. Amy will be so happy."
Leni smiled as the old woman walked off before another woman approached her, noticing her sweater. "That sweater is so cute, where'd you get it?"
Leni frowned. "I think this was the last one."
The woman looked disappointed. "Oh, it's hard finding sweaters that won't give me what my doctor calls 'Category Five Rashes'." She laughed. "That's me, allergic to almost every fabric." She started to walk off. "Well, enjoy it."
Leni held her hand out. "Wait! I can't imagine how awful that would be." She then offered her sweater. "Here, take mine."
This cheered the woman up. "Aw, that is so sweet." She then took the sweater. "Thank you."
After the woman walked off, a man then rushed by, accidentally dropping his credit card. Leni picked it up before shouting to get his attention. "Excuse me, is your name 'American Bank'?"
The man walked back over, looking embarrassed. "Oh my stars, I am so stressed about finding a tie for my anniversary, that I must've dropped it!" He took back his credit card. "Twenty five years, it's a big one.
"You know, I'd be glad to help you." Leni offered.
"But you'd-" The man then paused as his phone started beeping. He then took a look at it. "Never mind." The man then ran out of the store." Leni was now starting to get curious about what it was on people's phones that was making them want to run away.
Eventually, Leni made it to the checkout which happened quicker than she thought due to people in line suddenly running away. Unfortunately, due to helping so many people, Leni found herself with only one dress left. The girl running the checkout had an annoyed look on her face. She was a tall, slim girl with long brown hair tied in a small ponytail. She wore a pink sweater with horizontal, fuchsia and pink stripes, along with a yellow neckerchief. "Like, what's up with everyone today?" Leni decided to ask her.
The girl rolled her eyes. "I dunno. Think it's some weird dating app that everyone's using." She sighed. "Wish people wouldn't run away while I'm in the middle of serving them though. Anyway, can I help you?" Leni then handed her a blue dress, which caused her eyes to widen. "Dang, this is a nice dress." She sighed again. "Kinda wish I had time to browse the racks."
"Oh, well, why don't you take it?" Leni offered.
The girl stared at her in shock. "R-Really? Is that okay?"
Leni nodded. "Sure. I wouldn't even be shopping here, if it weren't for people like you working so hard."
The girl gave Leni a heartfelt smile as she hadn't expected a customer would ever treat her so kindly. "Wow, that's...actually really sweet of you. Thanks!"
"No problem, uhh..."
"It's Fiona."
Leni nodded. "Right. No problem, Fiona." She then left the line. As she made her way out of the store, she started to frown as she realised that by giving away all of the clothes she had collected, she had completely failed at being assertive. She wondered if Lori would be disappointed with her. Though she was also curious about this dating app that everyone was using as she got out her phone to take a look at it.
...
A woman and her husband were sat at the food court when the woman's phone started beeping. She took a look at it before standing up. "Um, this isn't working." She then ran off.
The man stood up with a distraught look on his face. "Wait. What are you-" His phone then beeped as he took a look at it. "Never mind." He smiled before running off.
A server at a donut shop was on his phone when it started beeping. He took his hat off. "I quit, I'm gay, and I love Xander."
Lori, who was sat at a table, stared around in confusion as people started randomly hooking up with each other. "What the heck..."
"Hey, Lori."
Lori turned to see Leni holding hands with a teenage boy that had dark skin and a cowlick and was wearing a blue hoodie. "Um, who is this?"
"This is Gary. He's my new boyfriend." Leni explained.
Lori stared at Leni in shock. "Boyfriend?! Since when?!"
"Since, like, a few minutes ago. We met through this new dating app that said that we were totes compatible."
"B-B-But what about Chaz?!"
"It's ok. He's got the app too." Leni explained as she showed Lori a selfie of Chaz with, of all people, Carol.
Lori then remembered that Rick's intern, Glootie, kept talking about wanting to develop an app. Was this that app? "Leni, this is ridiculous. You can't just randomly dump your boyfriend just to hook up with some random guy that you've never even met before!"
"But, like, look at his cowlick. It's so cute!" Leni gushed.
Lori stood up. "Leni, I think that app you're using is doing something to your mind. If you could just give me your phone, you might go back to normal."
Leni then frowned. Didn't Lori and her siblings want her to be more assertive? Why should she let Lori boss her around? "Like, why do you care who I date?"
"Leni, you literally don't even know this guy. Seriously, where did he even come from?"
"It's true love!" Leni stated before her phone started beeping. She took a look at it before giving Gary an apologetic. "Oh, wait. Sorry but I think we should see other people." Leni then walked off.
Gary reached an arm out. "But-" His phone then started beeping as he took a look at it. "Oh, never mind." He then cheerfully walked off.
"Leni! Wait!" Lori shouted before chasing after Leni.
...
Lincoln had just finished talking to Lori on the phone, who told him about everything that was happening. "That app's making random people fall in love." He gave Luan an annoyed look. "Seriously, why did you help him make that app again?"
Luan shrugged. "I thought it might have been funny. I didn't know it'd do this."
Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose. "You seriously did this just to spite Rick?" Luan looked slightly embarrassed at this. Lincoln then turned his attention to Glootie. "Ok, you need to take that app down."
"Can't take it down. I'm just an intern." Glootie replied.
Lincoln started to get angry at Glootie. "Why are you doing this? What do you get out of making random people fall in love?"
Glootie shrugged. "It's just my job."
Lincoln and Luan shared a glance before an evil smirk appeared on Luan's face.
...
"This is a bit much, isn't it?" Glootie asked as he was currently tied up and hanging from a rope held up by Luan, hanging over a cage filled with Lana's more dangerous pets.
"Tell us how to turn off the app and we'll let you go." Lincoln demanded.
"Alright, the server's on the mothership."
"Where's the mothership?"
"It's coming."
"Then take us to it."
"No."
"Luan!"
Luan started to slowly lower Glootie into the cage, causing Glootie to start getting nervous. "Ok, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. I'll take you to the mothership."
Lincoln sighed before turning to Luan. "Your coming with me to help me fix this."
"You sure it's a good idea to do something like this without Rick?" Luan asked.
"We'll be fine. Now let's grab our Full House costumes."
...
Rick had left Lisa on his planet and had flown over to the Gorgon Quadrant, a planet populated by anthropomorphic amphibians and insects. He entered a restaurant simply called the Best Frog Food Place in Gorgon Quadrant and then made his way to the back, ignoring the frog employees ribbiting at him. In the back was a mafia, led by a fly-creature and surrounded by frog lackeys. "Look at this guy. He wants to eat me so bad. You want to eat me, don't you?" The mob boss asked one of his lackeys.
"Ribbit." The frog lackey replied.
"Just kidding. Have some drugs." The mob boss said, handing the lackey some drugs.
The mafia's attention was now on Rick as he came in. "Are you Vermigurber?" Rick asked.
"What does this guy want? Who is this monkey?" Vermigurber asked his lackeys.
"I'm here about a sandwich." Rick explained as he reached for something in his lab coat.
All of the mafia got their guns out and aimed at Rick, making him pause. "Oh, well you came to the right place 'cause you're about to get a bullet sandwich. On two slices of whole...gun." Vermigurber stated before his phone started to ring.
"You might want to get that." Rick suggested.
Vermigurber answered his phone. "Hello?"
"Dad, give the human whatever he wants. He knows where I live. He's crazy!"
Vermigurber started chuckling as he hung up his phone. "You fucking idiot. I have 800,000 kids."
"Don't forget your voicemail." Rick added.
Vermigurber then checked his voicemail. "You have 470,000 messages." An automated voice from the phone said.
Vermigurber dropped his phone in shock. "Oh, ah, that's half of them. Ok, w-w-what do you want? What do you want?" Rick showed him a picture of the sandwich that had been digested, confusing him. "Wait, this is seriously about sandwiches? I thought this was about drugs or guns or the fact that I'm a fly that runs a frog restaurant. There's a million things that are interesting about me, and none of them are sandwiches."
"Who ordered it!" Rick snapped, taking a step forward.
"Talk to our delivery drone. He-he run off to fight in the robot wars." Rick put the picture away before turning to leave. "Hey, ape man, I hope this was worth making a whole swarm of enemies."
"It will be when I find whoever shit in my toilet." Rick replied.
Vermigurber gave Rick a confused look as he left. "Is that...code for something? Someone look that up. If that's drug slang, I need to know it."
...
An angry Lori stomped over to the Casagrandes' apartment. Due to Leni taking the van, it had been hard to track down where she went. Luckily, Bobby called her to tell her where she was and she's stayed there long enough for Lori to catch up. She knocked on the door which was soon answered by an awkward looking Bobby. "Uh, hey Lori."
"Hi." Was all Lori said before stomping in to find Leni sat down, staring romantically at Carlota. "Leni, that's enough! That app is literally brainwashing you! Since when were you even into girls?"
Leni shrugged. "Dunno, but like, I guess I am now."
"Yeah, me too!" Carlota added. Her phone then started beeping as she took a look at it. She then stood up. "Uh, actually, I think we should see other people."
Carlota then ran out of the apartment as Bobby reached his hand out. "Carlota, wait!"
Leni looked heartbroken. "Huh? But..." Her phone started beeping again as she took a look at it. She immediately cheered up as she stood up. "Never mind." She then wrapped her arms around Bobby. "Bobby's my boyfriend now."
"WHAT?!!!!" Lori angrily screeched.
"Uh, I didn't agree to this." Bobby nervously stated.
There was a look of fury on Lori's face as she gritted her teeth. "Leni. I've been patient with you so far. And I understand that you're not in your right mind. But you are not. Dating. MY. BOYFRIEND!!"
"Squawk! What a heartbreaker." Sergio squawked as he flew by.
"Not helping, Sergio!" Bobby snapped.
"But, like, we're totally meant to be together." Leni argued.
"LENI!!" Lori shouted as her anger was starting to reach nuclear levels.
Suddenly, before Lori could something she would regret, Leni's phone started beeping again as she took a look at it. "Oh, never mind." She let go of Bobby and ran out of the apartment. Lori didn't immediately chase after her as she was still trying to calm herself down.
"A-Are you okay, babe?" Bobby asked nervously.
"I'm. Fine." Lori stated before stomping out of the apartment.
...
After Lincoln and Luan got suited up, with Lincoln wearing his Ace Savvy outfit and Luan wearing her Joker outfit, they accompanied Glootie as the three were teleported onto the mothership. The only person in the teleporting room was another member of Glootie's species who gave the two a confused look. "Um, who are you two?"
"Alright, you need to take that app down!" Lincoln demanded, trying to look threatening.
"What?"
"I'm their hostage." Glootie explained.
"Do they have weapons?"
A crazed grin appeared on Luan's face as she got out a large mallet from out of nowhere. "It appears so." Glootie replied.
"So can you take the app down?" Lincoln asked.
The other alien shrugged. "I can't. I'm an intern."
Lincoln sighed in annoyance. "Ok, then who's in charge here?"
The other alien glared at Lincoln. "Not you, that's for sure."
Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ok, fine, then take us to your leader then."
...
Lincoln and Luan were led to a dark throne room where Glootie's leader was sat on his dark throne. Unlike the other aliens, he was taller than the others and had white skin. He also wore a black, hooded cloak and had tubes connected with his back. "Greetings. We are the Monogatrons. While your species was still toying with fire, ours mastered the science of functioning, committed relationships. As the latest planet to develop our app, you will now witness the true power of superior intimacy."
"Why are you doing this?" Lincoln asked.
"As a pre-app civilization, your love's value is defined by scarcity. You are highly trained to seek it, and you have no idea how to maintain it. Had you bothered to master love, you would've learned by now, it is as abundant as water. You know what isn't? Water. That shit runs out. So we'll be taking yours while your planet continues to dick around." The monogatrons leader explained.
"All this to steal water?" Luan asked. "Seems kinda convoluted if you ask me."
"Well, I'd like to hear if you could come up with a better plan." The Monogatron leader shot back.
"I've heard enough." Lincoln said before suddenly flying forward, grabbing the Monogatron leader and raising a fist at him. "Tell us how to turn off the app or else!"
"I don't know how to turn off the app." The Monogatron leader responded.
"Then who does?"
"That's Glootie's department." Lincoln and Luan then glanced towards Glootie, who suddenly ran off, out of the throne room.
"Can you order him to turn it off?" Lincoln asked the Monogatron leader.
"How can I do that when he just left?" The Monogatron leader spat back.
Lincoln groaned before putting down the Monogatron leader. "Come on!" He told Luan as they ran out of the throne room into a hallway, with no way to tell where Glootie went. "Well, now what do we do?"
Luan grinned as she got out her mallet again. "We could always smash stuff until something happens."
...
The robot wars between the robots and the cyborg lizards was taking place at the Midland Quasar as the two armies fought on top of multiple ships. "We're outnumbered. There's no hope." One robot told another as they fired at their enemies.
"Then we go out in glory." The other robot responded
A portal then appeared on the robot army's side as Rick stepped out of it with a funnel on his head. The robot soldiers nearby noticed and aimed their guns at him. "Flesh intruder, prepare to die."
"Oh, hold on." Rick then turned the funnel around, revealing a QR code.
One of the robots saluted him. "My apologies, Lieutenant Commander."
"No problem. At ease, Soldier." Rick then looked at his watch, which made a hologram of the robot he was looking for. He looked around for a bit until he found that robot. "Initiate Employee Evaluation Mode."
"Accessing delivery archive." The robot responded before turning to Rick.
"Ok, listen. You delivered an avian protein club sandwich with no lettu-" Before Rick could finish, the robot was shot in the head. "Goddamn it." Rick went over to a piece of its head that had one of four of its memory archive chips. One of the cyborg lizards then dived towards him. He managed to dodge him before stomping the lizard's head off. He then picked up another piece as another lizard shot his funnel off. He then dodged another shot which hit the ground, creating some metal spikes. As the lizard approached him, Rick kicked his legs, causing him to fall onto the spikes. Rick then got up and went to pick up the third piece next to some blue wires. As a lizard approached him, Rick picked up a piece of the broken robot head and stabbed the lizard in his foot, causing him to roar in pain. Rick then wrapped the lizard up with the wire and threw the end of it at a passing ship, managing to get stuck on it. This then caused the lizard to be ripped apart as the ship flew off.
Rick looked around for the last piece which an orange lizard had picked up. He smirked at Rick. "Oy, scoping for this bit, then?" He laughed.
"Alright, a-a-alright. I know you want to have the big guy/little guy fight, but-" The lizard then swallowed the chip. "Aw, are you fucking kidding me?"
...
Tony was a dark green alien with large orange eyes and wore a brown suit. He was currently working in a cubicle at his office, taking a phone call. "Uh, I understand, Mr. Phillips. Yes."
Tony then noticed that someone had placed a sealed contamination box on his desk. "I believe this is yours." Tony turned to look at Rick. "You, uh you dropped that." He then opened the box and looked inside to see the poop he had left in Rick's toilet.
"I'll have to call you back." Tony told Mr. Phillips before hanging up.
"Where do you want to die?" Rick asked.
Tony stood up and turned to one of his coworkers. "Susan, is conference room three available?"
...
In the conference room, Tony was sat down while Rick adjusted his laser gun. "Can I look at a photo of my wife while you kill me?" Tony asked.
"Sure, but I'm doing her a favour. She either has terrible taste, or she's trapped in a marriage to a toilet thief." Rick replied, still concentrating on his laser gun.
"She's dead." Tony admitted. This made Rick pause as he raised an eyebrow at Tony. "And I don't mind joining her. Life has been hollow since I lost her. Using your toilet was nice, though. I'm a bit of a shy pooper." Rick continued staring at him. "I'm ready when you are." A sad smile then appeared on Tony's face.
Rick put away his laser gun and got out his portal gun, firing a portal. "Stay there." He told Tony before walking through the portal. The portal then disappeared before reappearing a moment later as Rick came back, holding an alternate version of Tony in a headlock. "Tell him what you told me."
"What is this? What's happening?" The alternate Tony panicked.
Rick grabbed his head and made him face Tony. "Tell him what you told me."
"My wife's still alive. Sh-sh-she went into remission ten years ago."
"And what did you do today?"
"Oh, I, uh, pooped on a really awesome toilet I found oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh!" Rick started beating the man up before throwing him back through the portal which then disappeared.
"Don't use your dead wife as an excuse." Rick walked towards Tony. "You shit on my toilet because you don't know your place, and your place is nothing. So next time you stumble onto a toilet that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is." Rick then made his way out of the conference room.
"You're not gonna kill me?" Tony asked.
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Rick snapped before his arm transformed into some kind of gun that created some kind of butthole shaped bomb on the conference table. It beeped for a moment as Rick left before letting out a fart explosion that shattered the lights. Tony covered his nose as piece of poop then came out of the bomb, shaped like a hand that flipped him off.
...
Now every time they play this song she say 'This is my shit'
See the flick of my wrist
And I know she know wassup, baby this is my shit
See the flick of my wrist
Rick took a sip of his beer as his computer deleted the contents of Tony from its system. His lab was currently playing 'My Shit' by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie. Lisa, who had been waiting in the lab as Rick dealt with Tony, gave him a concerned look after learning about what Rick had been doing. "I must say, that seemed like an excessive amount of effort simply to attack someone for doing they're business on your lavatory."
Rick sighed. "You don't get it Lisa. It's my toilet. This whole planet is my special place. It's a place where I'm in complete control of everything. See, I don't often get that at home because your siblings are constantly blackmailing me."
Lisa gave Rick a confused look. "But how does that man borrowing your lavatory cause you to lose control over this place?"
"You don't get it, Lisa. You're too young to get it."
Lisa huffed. "Excuse me, my intelligence may not be at your level but I should surely be able to understand a situation such as this."
"I'm not saying you're not smart. After all, everyone knows your smart. That's why you keep using the technical terms for everything, right? So that everyone knows you're smart so they won't treat you like a little kid?" Lisa's eyes widened at this. "Yeah. You might be smart, but you're still kind of immature. But hey, that's totally normal for a five year old." Rick took another sip of his beer.
Suddenly, his computer started beeping, causing Rick to do a spit take. He turned to see a hologram of a map of the area near the toilet with orange dot on it, showing that someone was trespassing. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Rick then typed something in that caused a chair to come up from the ground, surrounded by a blue light coming from above. Rick sat on the chair which then rose into the ceiling and into a giant mech.
...
Tony was sat on the toilet when he felt the ground shaking. A giant Rick then stomped towards him. Rick raised his fist and yelled as he brought it down onto Tony, who flinched in response. However, Rick had paused before he crushed him. "Oh, so you like being alive? So why the fuck are you back here?"
"After you left, I thought about what you said and how much I needed to hear it, but then I thought about why you were saying it, who you were really saying it to. You need the same thing I needed, Rick. You need someone to give you permission to live." Tony explained. He then grunted as he continued doing his business.
Rick's eyes widened in surprise. "What the? I thought you were a shy pooper."
"You know what shy pooping is, Rick? It's a pointless bid for control. You want to take the one part of life that you truly think is yours, and you want to protect it from a universe that takes whatever it wants. It took my wife. It clearly took something from you. We can spend our lives fighting that, or we can choose to be free."
"You're right, Tony. I'm done fighting. Time to be free." Rick then pulled his pants down and turned around.
Tony started panicking as Rick was about to sit on him. "Oh, wait, you're actually gonna-oh, God! Oh, God!"
...
The next thing Tony knew, he was in a strange place full of clouds. He looked around. "Where am I?"
"Hi, little mouse."
Tony turned around to see his wife. "Baby bee? I missed you so much."
"I never really left you." Tony's wife said as she approached him and placed a hand on his cheek.
Tony held his wife's hand. "Then you know that a few years ago, I started getting into-"
"Strap-on porn?" His wife interrupted him. "Yes. I thought it was hot. Now, come on." She then ran off, past some golden gates.
"Where are you going?"
"To poop." The area she ran in was full of toilets as she went to sit on one.
"Where?"
"Wherever you want, forever."
"My God!" Tony exclaimed.
"You rang?" God said as he emerged from a giant toilet. Coincidentally, God was the same species as him. "I'm pooping too." He then did a little dance.
"Come, Tony." Tony's wife said as she patted a toilet next to her. "Come on. Come poop with me. Poop with me, Tony. Poop with me." Tony hesitated.
"What are you waiting for? Aren't you gonna join us, Tony? Aren't you gonna join us in the pooping?" God asked. Tony had a dissatisfied frown on his face.
...
In reality, Tony was hooked up to a giant artificial sac filled with a red liquid alongside a number of other aliens in similar sacs. Tony started thrashing around which caused an alarm to go off. A portal then appeared which Rick stepped out of. He then got out a knife and cut open the sac, causing Tony to fall out. Tony coughed and spluttered for a moment before looking around. "Where are we? What is this?"
"That's it, get out." Rick ordered.
"You can make a perfectly-realized, toilet-filled simulation of heaven, but you can't share a toilet?" Tony asked before standing up.
"Don't insult my craft. The chemical is Globaflyn. It connects the whatever-you-want section of your brain to the whatever-you-have section. If your heaven is toilets, that's on you."
Tony looked around again. "All of these people..."
"Are living their wildest, meaningless dreams and leaving me out of them."
Tony looked at Rick. "People you refuse to kill and refuse to let into your life."
"An offer you rejected, so here's your last chance." Rick fired a portal onto the floor. "Goodbye forever. If you touch my toilet again, you die."
"You need a friend." Tony stated, smiling.
"I have a million cooler friends than you."
"I'll be seeing you."
"You'll be dying."
"We're gonna be friends." Tony then jumped into the portal.
"You're gonna be dead."
...
Sometime after, Rick was working on something with his toilet as Lisa watched him. "Can you believe this guy? He actually had the nerve to say that I needed a friend. I've got plenty of friends." Rick ranted.
Lisa frowned, remembering what Rick told her earlier. She decided to try and approach this from a different angle. "What exactly is the issue with the two of you becoming friends?"
"Why would I want to be friends with someone who shit on my toilet when I've got friends that don't do that?"
Lisa thought hard for a moment as she had heard the exchange between Rick and Tony while Rick was in his mech. "This is just a hypothesis but from the way that Tony spoke to you earlier, he seemed to understand something about you. Now, I believe I've told you this before but something I learned from Darcy was that friends are there to make your life better. Perhaps if you were to be friends with this Tony, you may find someone that you could relate to."
Rick gave Lisa an impressed look. "Huh. Guess your social skills are improving." He then went back to work.
Lisa gave him a confused look. "So wouldn't it make sense to make friends with him?"
"People don't always make sense, Lisa."
Lisa frowned as she remembered another detail of the conversation. Her eyes then widened as things started to make sense to her. "Is it...possible that due some kind of loss you've experienced, you fear growing too close to people in case you experience that kind of loss again?"
This made Rick pause which confirmed Lisa's suspicions. Lisa then remembered the incident with Pop-Pop. "If this is how you truly feel, why did you encourage me to accept that Pop-Pop would one day pass away? I would've assumed that you'd encourage me to make sure he'd live forever."
Rick started chucking. "Here's the thing, Lisa. I'm not really close with your Pop-Pop. If he died today, I could live with it."
Lisa shook her head. "I don't understand."
Rick got up, appearing to have finished his work. "It's like I've said before. Why would you wanna be a Rick?" Rick then walked off as Lisa contemplated his words. It seemed like despite everything, there was a lot about her grandfather that she didn't understand.
...
Leni was outside of the airport, about to head inside when she spotted Lori in her way, folding her arms. Leni frowned. "You can't stop me from seeing my true love."
Lori scowled back, not backing down. "I don't care what that app says, you are not flying all the way to Scotland to get with a guy you've never met."
Leni glared towards Lori, having gotten sick of her getting in her way. If she wanted her to be assertive, then that's what she was going to be as she charged forward with the intent to tackle her. Lori managed to stand her ground, holding her off, though she could feel Leni pushing her back. "How are you so freakishly strong?" Lori asked.
"Why do you keep trying to get in my way?!" Leni grunted.
"Because one of my sisters once told me that I was their big sister that always stood up for her and helped her out when she needed it. She also wondered if I was really that person if I couldn't help them. So now I'm trying to help you. I know you want to be assertive but there's a difference between being assertive and doing reckless things without thinking! Gah!"
Leni then used her leg to trip Lori up, sending her falling to the floor. "I hope you like the taste of flan! Wait, was it 'flan' or 'floor'?" Once again, Leni's phone started beeping as she took a look at it. "Oh, never mind." She then left the airport, leaving behind a groaning Lori.
...
A somewhat disturbed Lincoln watched as Luan smashed anything she came across with the mallet. She then exhaled. "It's nice to let off some steam for once."
Lincoln raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you still upset with Rick?"
"How could you tell?" Luan asked as she smashed a computer screen.
Lincoln frowned. "This isn't exactly his fault you know. This wouldn't have happened if you didn't help Glootie make that app."
"I wouldn't have done it in the first place if Rick had just explained why it was a bad idea." Luan argued back. "Guess he was just too lazy to explain it to us."
Lincoln huffed. "But what's trying to spite him going to solve anyway. You know he said was trying to be better."
Luan rolled her eyes. "Just saying that you've changed doesn't make it true. How has Rick even changed since he said that? He's just slightly nicer to Lori and that's pretty much it. Otherwise, he's just acted the same as he always has." She then gave Lincoln a pointed look. "Seriously, why do you keep defending him? He hasn't exactly always been nice to you either."
Lincoln then frowned in thought. Why did he keep defending Rick? Luan noticed the troubled look on Lincoln's face, suddenly remembering the detoxifying incident. She started to look concerned. "You know, you don't have to feel like you always need to help people." Lincoln's eyes widened as he then recalled that incident. If Lincoln was honest, he didn't really like his toxic self or his healthy self. His toxic self came from his frustrations with feeling under appreciated, revealing how a part of him wanted to help people so much was because of how worthless he felt. On the other hand, without that side, he was nothing more than a selfish brat. Lincoln didn't know what troubled him more. The idea that he needed to help people to feel validated or that if he never felt worthless, he'd be a very self-centred person. "Lincoln?" Luan spoke after Lincoln went silent for a moment.
Lincoln shook his head. Thinking about this wasn't going to help the situation they were in now. "Let's just focus on finding Glootie." Luan frowned. There was a lot she wanted to say to Lincoln then though she decided against saying it in case she accidentally made Lincoln feel worse.
"Don't move." The two paused and turned to see Glootie aim a laser gun at them. However, he seemed somewhat hesitant to fire at them.
"Glootie, why are you doing this?" Lincoln decided to ask.
Glootie shrugged. "Well, it's my job isn't it?"
"It's your job to brainwash people to randomly fall in love so you can steal their water?"
Glootie started to look somewhat guilty. "Well when you put it like that, it sounds a bit evil."
"Aren't you in a relationship right now? What would they say about you doing something like this?"
"I happen to be between relationships right now."
Luan raised an eyebrow. "Really? I thought you guys had perfected relationships?" Glootie started to look downcast. Luan gave him a sympathetic look. "Ah cheer up. Just because things aren't great now, doesn't mean you won't find someone in the future. You'll find someone eventually."
Glootie frowned in thought for a moment before putting his gun away. "Find the hangar, grab a ship and get out if here. I'll deal with the dating app." He then started to spin away. "Glootie-ootie-ooh!"
Lincoln had a baffled look on his face. "Has he ever done that before?"
"Not that I remember." Luan replied.
Lincoln then gave Luan a proud look. "Anyway, not bad. You really got through to him."
Luan smiled. "Thanks! I learned from the best." Luan then noticed Lincoln start to frown. Her eyes widened as she realised she might have said the wrong thing. "Uh, what I mean by that is-"
Lincoln sighed as he walked off. "Let's just get out of here."
...
Rick entered the building where Tony worked and approached the receptionist, holding some gifts. The receptionist appeared to have been crying as her makeup was running. "Is Tony here? I br-I brought him some, uh, Vegan Fiber Chili, delicious family recipe, and a box of these, uh, chocolates, sugar free. He can eat as many of these as he wants." He placed the gifts on the receptionist desk before folding his arms. "Anyways, uh, just wanted to drop these off, and you tell him, uh, the toilet's all his. H-He he'll know what I mean."
The receptionist sobbed. "Tony died."
Rick's lips trembled for a moment. "Excuse me?"
"He quit his job, starting living life to the fullest. He crashed into a tree space-skiing down Mount Space Everest." The receptionist explained.
"Fuck. There's a Mount Space Everest?" Rick paused for a moment. "Ok. Uh, Jesus. I-I got to process this." The receptionist then reached for the box of chocolates before Rick took them back. "Oh, no, no. You you don't want to eat that. Y-Y-You'll-you'll-you'll become the opening of 'The Beverly Hillbillies'. You know what I'm saying? A little bubbling crude? Texas tea?"
The receptionist shrugged. "I don't know these references."
"Yeah, but you have a Space Everest? Watch 'Space Beverly Hillbillies' so my jokes can land, you fucking twat." Rick said as he made his way out.
...
Leni was back at the mall, now on a date with her new boyfriend. He was a tall and slim young man with light tan skin and black styled hair. He wore a plain white v- neck t-shirt and bright blue jeans. "Being with you has taught me so much about myself, Miguel." Leni gushed.
Miguel nodded. "Me too! I didn't think I was even into women!"
"Leni!" Lori shouted as she ran towards Leni, causing her to groan. Lori took a moment to catch her breath upon reaching her.
"Lori, why can't you-"
"Leni, I'm sorry!" Lori interrupted Leni, catching her off guard. "I wanted you to be assertive because I was worried about you. I knew I couldn't support you forever. But this isn't who you are. The Leni I know is the sweetest person I've ever known and that's the sister I want back. I'm sorry if me or the others made you feel like that wasn't enough."
Leni started to look guilty. "Lori, I-" Leni and Miguel's phones both started beeping as both of them got their phones out and went into the app. However, both of them found an ad wall in their way. "Why are all these pictures in the way?"
"An ad wall? Yuck! No thank you." Miguel said as both he and Leni then deleted the app from their phone as well as everyone that had downloaded the app.
Both of them then blinked as if snapping out of a trance. "Like, what just happened?" Leni asked.
"Wait, why am I doing this?" Miguel asked as he realised the situation he was in.
The three then noticed Fiona running towards them along with a tall and slim woman with short red hair. She wore an orange tie-knot shirt, a blue jacket, along with a long body skirt and a pair of glasses with large black lenses. "Here she is. This is that girl I was telling you about." Fiona explained to the woman.
"So you must be Leni. I wanted to meet you." The woman shook Leni's hand. "I'm Ms. Carmichael, I'm the manager of Reiningers, and I've been hearing such wonderful things about you. You know, we could use a sales employee with great customer service skills."
"Great, let me think about it, and get back to you with some names." Leni said before tapping her cheek in thought. Lori then cleared her throat, getting Leni's attention as she gestured at her. "Oh, you mean me?"
"Hours are flexible, and employees get a fifty percent discount on all merchandise." Ms. Carmichael explained.
Leni had a touched smile on her face. "It's like there's a blowout sale happening in my heart."
"I'll take that as a yes. And stop by whenever to fill out paperwork." Ms. Carmichael before walking off with both Fiona and Miguel.
Lori sighed in relief, happy knowing that she wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. Leni's phone then started to ringing before she answered it. "Hello? Oh, hey Chaz. Yeah, I like, have no idea what came over me either. Wanna hang out at the mall?"
...
Rick was at Tony's funeral where Tony's family members were comforting each other. Rick approached Tony's father with some gifts. "Hey, uh...hey, uh, Tony's dad, uh, th-this is, um, 8 billion in your local currency, and, uh, this is a kit you can use to clone a new son. He he won't have the same brain. He'll kind of be an animal man, but you can teach him stuff." He handed the gifts to Tony's dad. "I-I-I also wanted to let you know I did explore infinite universes, and there is a version of Tony that was completely evil and ended up causing a lot of genocide because of how fulfilled he was. So, really, a lot of ways of looking at this as not much of a loss."
"I understand." Tony's dad patted Rick's shoulder. "It's, uh, hard losing a friend."
Rick pushed his hand away, scowling. "Fuck you."
"What?"
"He's not my friend." Rick said as he stormed off.
...
Lisa was studying the wildlife on Rick's planet as a portal appeared. A drunk Rick then stumbled out of it. "Grandpa Rick?"
Lisa then watched as Rick went over to his toilet and took a seat on it. Lisa gasped as two large turrets then came up from the ground. However, they turned out to be stereos as a large group of Rick holograms then appeared, all laughing at Rick. "There he is. There's our guy." One of the Rick holograms taunted. "Congrats, Tony. Have fun with your stupid toilet that you get to use all by yourself now. Enjoy using it all by yourself while you sit there and think about how nobody wants to be around you and how you ruined it for yourself because you're a huge piece of shit!" Fireworks then went on off as two metal arms came out from behind the toilet to place a crown on Rick's head that had the words 'King Of Shit' engraved on it. "Look at you sitting there, King shit on his throne of loneliness. Enjoy this toilet with a thousand of me screaming every time you take a shit. All hail his majesty, the sa-a-ddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos. Long live the big, bad, doo-doo daddy. May his reign last a thousand years."
It started to rain. As Lisa saw the depressed look on Rick's face, she had finally realised exactly why Rick didn't want her to turn out like him.
...
Lincoln and Luan sighed upon returning home. "I'm glad that's over with." Lincoln said.
"You said it." Luan added. "Well, at least there weren't too many consequences from making that app."
Both of them then heard someone knocking on their door. Luan won't over to answer it. To both their surprise, Benny was there with a guilty look on his face. "Luan, I am so sorry! When you asked me out, I got too nervous and took the easy way out. Truth is, I've liked you for a long time. I should have done this a long time ago but would you please give me another chance?"
Luan stared at Benny in shock. "WHAT?!"