Author's note: This chapter is going to be a bit of a glympse into Lute and Vaggie's past before she was cast down and met Charlie,

hope you enjoy y'all

Chapter 3:

Old wounds

A couple of sinners turned their heads or smiled and gave their greetings as Vaggie entered the large dining hall of the hazbin hotel and headed towards her partner, Charlie at their own little table, who was currently in the middle of discussing ideas for the hotel with both her father, Lucifer and someone who had become a more familiar face around the hotel, Emily, the seraphim of joy.

Ever since the last battle, those 3 years ago, the young seraphim had decided she wanted to get more involved in the sinner rehabilitation process and had become a regular face around the hotel these days. Not a week going by where they wouldn't see her at least once.

Looking upon Charlie with a smile and sighing deeply, Vaggie made a quick detour to grab a plate and get her fill, before settling at the table.

"So….how is…."ya know"?" Emily asked the fallen exorcist, still uncomfortable with the idea of Lute now being a resident of the hotel.

Furrowing her brow, Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose as she sighed "She's…..still not eating…..she's just sitting on the end of her bed, staring at the wall. I tried offering her food but she still hasn't touched it and it's gone cold…..again…..just like her meal of yesterday, and the day before…and the day before that"

"Well, you know her better than anyone" the young seraphim spoke, before realizing what she said "I MEAN, she was your lieutenant after all, I didn't mean the….uhm….the "ex" part i….." she tried to damage control as she added "i…..it might be best if I stop talking now…" but Charlie would sigh and speak up " Emmy….Dad…could Vaggie and I have a moment alone?" causing the former exorcist to tense up.

Excusing themselves, Lucifer and Emily would take their plates and move to another table for a bit as Vaggie began "Charlie, me and Lute was so long ago, i wasn't trying to lie i…." tho the princess cut her off "It's ok Vaggie….nobody likes to talk about bad exes….but I do believe we need to talk about this…."

She would gently put a hand on Vaggies, running her thumb gently over her knuckles "during the fight….you said what you 2 had was….toxic…"

"Because it was…." Vaggie looked down "Lute was….how do I put this….i don't think she ever fully accepted that she didn't like men…..not in that way…..we tried to make it work but….she never allowed me to get too close or let herself get too attached, even tho she wanted to…..or well….that's what she'd always told me"

Taking a deep breath, she continued "I always wanted to hold hands in public, kiss, cuddle up to her, I honestly didn't care what people thought….but Lute….she was just so scared to let it show…..of what people would think…...i can't even begin to count the times I wanted to cuddle, only for her to shove me away and hide in shame…..i mean, I know she was ashamed of herself, not of me, but it still hurt. And yet, despite all that, I promised her I'd always be patient with her, and that we'd make it work somehow"

Charlie furrowed her brow in worry as Vaggie continued "We swore we'd always be there for each other, through everything" she spoke as she absentmindedly poked around in her food with a fork

"However, things started to change when I finally decided to tell her I had my reservations about the exterminations, how it didn't feel right…..that it made me feel….well….sick to my stomach….that I wanted to quit….she completely closed herself off and told me to "suck it up" and that we had a "sacred duty" to fulfill…..she threw her walls up….and I don't think she'd ever let them down since…..i stopped sharing things with her that day….and she stopped sharing things with me…."

Charlie would gently put a hand on her partner's back "And I guess that's how you 2 started drifting apart?"

Vaggie would shake her head slowly "No….that started happening when she began to hang out less with me and more with Adam….she started bottling everything up….and when it became too much, would sometimes take it out on me…..it started with snarky, below the belt remarks, I was used to that from the other exorcists in the barracks, those I could handle, but it quickly became just really hurtful stuff….. and whenever I brought it up, I'd get the talk that "us soldiers were supposed to be tough as nails, ready to defend heaven at a moment's notice" and well, when I put my foot down…. that's when the arguments began"

Vaggie would finally look Charlie in the eye, and she saw nothing but worry "and I suppose that's when things turned toxic?" the fallen angel just slowly nodded, as Charlie spoke "Sounds like the 2 of you had allot of frustrations but neither of you had a proper way to express them"

"Pretty much…." Vaggie sighed "So…..we instead turned on each other…until one day, I couldn't take it anymore…..i told her that if this was how things were going to go between us, I was done….and I broke up with her…..she never fully let that go…..she became exceptionally cruel after that…..and REALLY started gravitating towards Adam"

"Well…." Charlie spoke up "first of all, Adam was DEFINITELY a bad influence" Vaggie couldn't help but nod in agreement, before Charlie added "and second….i think it's safe to say that…well…she feels remorse…." As she once again placed a hand on Vaggie's back and slowly rubbed it "I think it's time the 2 of you talked….properly….you…want me to be there?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to do this alone" Vaggie answered with a sigh "As much as I know you want to help, and I LOVE you for that, babe, she IS still my ex. I don't think bringing "the new girlfriend" to such a heavy talk is a good idea, it's like rubbing salt in an open wound…."

"Got a point there…." Charlie spoke….

..

..

Lute's room, the hazbin hotel, pride ring, hell:

..

..

How long had she been sitting there? Minutes? Hours? Did it matter? The mangled fallen angel sat there, still on the same spot she had been sitting all day, on the foot end of the bed, staring at the wall…..thinking….

"How was I so stupid….." was all she could think, recalling the events that led her down this path…..

Every opportunity she was given, she had made the wrong choice….

Not accepting her honorable discharge, refusing the exorcist rehabilitation, accepting a deal from an overlord, smuggling angelic steel into hell, enslaving said overlord, starting an all-out war, SHOOTING THE HIGH SERAPHIM…..never had she been so glad she had failed what she had set out to do, not only did Sera survive, but she had made a full recovery and once again oversaw heaven and its residents.

But the worst mistake she had made in her opinion…..was hurting Vaggie….HER Vaggie….back when she could still call her that…..

No, she had her chance, and she ruined that….and it took her losing everything TWICE to finally swallow her pride and see that, as she began to dig her nails into her own upper arms as her mind began to spiral downwards to a dark place…..that was, until she heard a knock at the door….

"Lute, You still there? I'm coming in, you decent?"

The voice was unmistakable…..Vaggie…..Lute couldn't get herself to speak up….where 3 years ago, hearing her voice would bring her blood to a boil….now….she felt nothing but shame…..

"Ok I'm coming in in 3….2…1…" as the door slowly opened.

Looking inside, Vaggie would notice the lights were off…..and Lute was still sitting on that same spot.

Looking at the nearby dresser, she'd see the tray of food she had brought in earlier, still completely untouched….

Sighing deeply, Vaggie spoke up "Look….sitting there, wallowing in self-loathing isn't going to get you anywhe-…." Vaggie would stop in the middle of her sentence when her eyes fell on Lute's upper arms, especially her nails digging into her own skin as slightly glowing, golden ichor began to slowly trickle down "LUTE!" Vaggiel blurted out as she quickly darted towards the fellow fallen angel and forcefully pried the fallen exorcist's own nails out of her arm "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Lute finally looked up, that same empty expression, before she averted her gaze.

"Lute….i….i think…I think it's time we finally talked…..about "us"…" This finally caught the former lieutenant's attention as she spoke up in a monotone voice "….what's there to talk about…..i was too scared to love you, and so I hurt you….you left….and I kept lashing out…..and it took me hitting rock bottom to finally see that…..TWICE…..cuz…guess what…..apparently rock bottom has a FUCKING BASEMENT!" as she suddenly jumped up, grabbed a table lamp from a dresser and with a scream, threw it against a nearby wall, before sinking back onto the bed, her head in her hands "it wasn't enough for me to fall, NO! I had to start an all-out WAR! All because I was too proud! And where has that landed me? In the hands of a fucking PIMP as his FAVORITE WHORE!""

Vaggie just took a deep breath as she stared at the scene with a deadpan expression "…..you done? Because I want to talk….properly…but I'm not gonna if you're not going to listen and instead, you're just going to shout and break shit" as she got up and gently began to pick up the broken shards before gently putting them on a small pile on the nearby dresser, next to the tray of untouched food.

She would then point at the tray "also, eat something!" as she passive aggressively grabbed the tray, walked over and plopped it down onto Lute's lap, to the fallen exorcist's surprise.

"I'm not leaving this room until you've put some food in ya" Vaggie spoke as she crossed her arms and leaned against a nearby dresser "I get it….you feel guilt….regret….shame….but punishing yourself isn't going to fix things…so please…..eat….." Vaggie pleaded.

Looking at the fellow fallen angel with wide eyes, Lute swallowed a lump in her throat as she begrudgingly picked up her fork and knife from the tray and began cutting off small bites.

Finally…..at least she had managed to get her to eat…..

..

..

It was clear Lute had eaten as much as she could when she gently put the tray away on the nearby dresser, causing Vaggie to sigh in relief.

"There….now that you've had some food in you and you're no longer delirious from hunger….NOW we can talk…." Vaggie spoke as she walked over to the end of the bed, before she gestured "Can i….sit here?"

Lute did nothing but look down at her feet until she scooted to the side a little, allowing Vaggie to sit down.

Taking her queue, the former exorcist sat down as she spoke up "Look…I'm going to be very honest….i'm still conflicted about seeing you again….i mean….all the verbal shit you gave me….tearing off my wings, cutting out my eye, all the shit you did for Adam in trying to ruin Charlie's hotel, and then I'm not even mentioning the whole "robot army" thing…..but….despite all that…..i'm glad you came to the hotel…." She finished with a smile.

Lute just stared off into the distance, completely silent.

"What? Nothing to say to that?" Vaggie teased.

"What is there to say…you're right…I did do all those things…I've hurt allot of people…"

Deciding not to sugarcoat things, Vaggie spoke up "Yea Lute, yea you did" very matter-of-factly.

"I was just….so angry….." Lute continued.

"At me?" Vaggie asked.

"Yes…..and no….." Lute answered "I…..i'm starting to think….i was mostly angry with myself….and I took that out on you….cuz if I were to admit that I pushed you away, I had to admit I made a mistake….and…"

"And angels don't make mistakes?" Vaggie interjected. Lute shrugged "Yea….hit the nail right on the head…." "Uhg…." Vaggie grumbled in annoyance "one of the many lies Adam put in your head…."

Looking down at her own hands, Vaggie again spoke up "He….he lied to allot of people…..and even worse, he had the charisma to make them believe…..i also once fell for his lies…..believing I was killing for a good cause…until, one day, I couldn't take it anymore…..and I saw through his bullshit…."

The 2 fallen angels sat there, on the foot end of the bed, before Vaggie once again spoke up "You know…Lute….i just wish I could tell you back then….there was nothing wrong with you for liking girls…."

Lute would make eye contact "Would I have believed you back then?"

Taking a few minutes to ponder this, Vaggie gave her a single fingergun "Touché"

The former lieutenant took a deep breath "Vaggie…." Pronouncing her name with a soft G, before correcting herself " …..no….."Vaggie"…." causing the grey skinned woman to chuckle "Well would you look at that, you finally said my name right"

Chuckling herself, probably for the first time in weeks, Lute's smile dropped again as she spoke up "Vaggie….i….i'm so…so sorry….that I was too afraid to love you back then….i've hurt you…..first emotionally….then physically, then I tried coming after your loved ones, all because I was too blind and too proud….because I was too afraid to be honest with myself…so I convinced myself I was still the goodguy…..and I actually believed it for a while….that everything I did was for the greater good….but it was all a lie I told myself…...but I can finally see that now…." As she properly turned to look at Vaggie.

"….and I WANT to fix this….ALL of it…..but i…..i don't even know where to even BEGIN to fix this shit….there's so much"

Vaggie held up a hand, as if to cut Lute off "There, my dear fellow fallen angel, you are wrong" Causing Lute to narrow her eyes in confusion, before Vaggie smirked and booped her on the nose "You knew exactly where to start….and you already made that first step….you came here, to the hotel….didn't you?" As she slowly got up and smile "Plus….Charlie has this saying…."it starts with sorry"…." before walking to the door.

She would stop in the doorframe "I'm not going to lie, this is going to be a rocky road for you, it's not going to be easy…and it's going to take a while before I think I can fully trust you….but….i can recognize when somebody genuinely wants to try…." As she smile "Now, we will be doing a new type of activity tomorrow, and I highly encourage you to attend this one" before wishing the fellow fallen angel a good evening and leaving the room.

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Lute sat on the foot of the bed for a little longer, letting Vaggie's words sink in….it wasn't the talk she had expected….but it was more than they had talked in….well…..EVER….

Taking a deep breath, she finally got up as she made her way to the suite's bathroom, got undressed and turned on the shower.

Standing there, in the hot stream, she closed her eyes as she let the warm water run over her face as she made an attempt to wash her hair, tho this meant that she inevitably ran her hands into the now 2 large, black horns that emerged from her skull, the ones mimicking the horns she used to have on the helmet of her old exorcist uniform.

Ever since her fall roughly 4 years ago, she had hated these 2 large bony protrusions, a constant reminder of her mistakes, mistakes that she continued to make long after her fall, landing her soul in the hands of the cruel overlord Vallentino.

Taking a deep breath, she reached for a bottle of soap, squirted some in her hand, soaped both of her hands up and began to begrudgingly accept and wash the devilish features properly, possibly for the first time. A first step in recognizing her mistakes and taking accountability for her actions , even if only symbolically.

To her surprise, she had found the process to be rather soothing, downright pleasant even. Lute had violently rejected any notion of taking care of her horns since receiving them after her fall, not even wanting to touch them, but taking proper care to wash them for the first time, she discovered there was actually a bit of feeling in them, ESPECIALLY around the base as by the time she was done, she felt a type of refreshed she had never experienced before.

"If that felt cleansing….i wonder if…." The former exorcist thought as she glanced over her shoulder, to the long, black, ropey, barbed tail and its spaded tip that was swaying behind her.

Grabbing the small, plastic stool that was inside the bathroom and setting it inside the shower, she would, probably for the first time, try and properly flex the muscles in the strange limb.

It took a couple of tries, especially since this was this first time actively using it since receiving the limb, but eventually, she managed to get the hang of it and delicately drape it across her lap as she began to slather her hand with soap and carefully began to rinse her tail.

She had half expected the texture of the skin to be course, rough and sandpaper like, just like the demonic arm that had replaced her stump when she fell, but to her surprise, the skin of her tail was a supple, leather like texture that was almost comparable to velvet.

Another thing she discovered was that the new limb was VERY sensitive….knowledge she's store away for later as she delicately cleaned the appendage, paying close attention to get every barb and prong.

Eventually, she would reemerge from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her as she was drying off her hair.

"Vaggie is right….i made the first step…now I just have to keep moving forward" she thought to herself as she dropped the towel, threw on an oversized t-shirt and flopped herself down onto the bed as sleep quickly caught up to her, being able to properly allow her eyes to rest for the first time in….well…..a long time…

"You….you did good, Lute….you made the first step…."

She whispered to herself as she drifted off into a deep sleep…