Pride and Prejudice

Fan Fiction

Andrea's Kitchen

Tauna's at It ...Again

Andrea was working peacefully in the front of her house in the flower garden until Elizabeth came out of her house scowling and spitting nails, right at her. What on earth was going on? She had not written a single thing that could have upset her; well, maybe, she did have that story where Adelia had not lived long after Mr. Bennet's passing. However, cut her some slack, the poor lady did not exactly have good health.

"I am not upset over that." Elizabeth scowled again as Andrea got up off the ground. "But did you have to write this trash?" She shoved a piece of paper into the writer's hands.

"What the…" Andrea stared at what she was reading.

"Elizabeth Bennet happily walked down the path hand in hand with Mr. Collins… Mr. Bennet had mourned the loss of his wife but was now happy once again in the company of Lady Catherine…Mary was delighted to see Mr. Wickham once again after his time out at sea…Colonel Fitzwilliam was tickled pink to listen to Kitty's interruption of Mozart's music on the pianoforte…"

"I did not write this and come to think of it…" She looked up at her. "Since when did you know how to use a computer and a printer?"

"I do not know how, my father is in there, attempting to figure things out and is just as furious as I am; as is Lady Catherine."

"I can see why, but I did not write this garbage." The two ladies went in and Andrea was not surprised to see Tauna typing away, oblivious to anyone in the dining room other than herself. "Tauna…" No answer. "Tauna…" Still no answer. "TAUNA!" "What?" Tauna turned around, annoyed at being interrupted while writing.

"What kind of garbage is this?" Andrea thrust the paper Elizabeth had given her into Tauna's face.

"Hey, how did you get that?!" Tauna tried to grab it, but Andrea pulled it back. "It is not garbage, I left out anyone from Bonanza, Big Valley, Adam 12 and I even left out Alice. I made it canon."

"This is NOT canon!" "How is it not canon? All the characters are from the book." "You have Lady Catherine with Mr. Bennet…they are not even in the same class; she would never, ever, go for that. She does not even like the Bennets."

"First, what do you mean by not in the same class? They are close enough in age, who is to say they did not have the same teachers? You and I did."

"Oh, good heavens, that is not what is meant by class. Go get a better education."

"Whatever." Tauna drawled the word and then tacked on. "I do not see what the big deal is; the broad liked them in that last story you are posting."

"First, do not refer to her as a broad. Second, that story - as are all of mine - is marked as AU, not canon." Andrea shot her a reprimanding look. "Even I am not stupid enough to mark any of mine canon." She rolled her eyes. "You have not read the book; crumb, you have not even watched any of the movies." Andrea was exasperated. "And I know full well what canon is; so, do not play stupid with me."

Turning around, Andrea almost died when she saw Mr. Darcy holding Jane's hand, and Mr. Bingley looking as if someone was torturing him by having to listen to Lydia as she fawned all over him. Andrea looked around again. Men with women whom they did not even like. Women looking as if they were being exposed to half a dozen men like Mr. Collins. Enough was enough.

'Let us see how she likes a taste of her own medicine.' Andrea hopped onto the computer and began pounding furiously away, biting back her own laugh of revenge as Tauna froze in horror as she saw Heath become a son of Ben, Adam become owner of the Barkley ranch, with Nick knocking on the door asking to court Alice. If that was not bad enough, she saw Officer Wells become the most intelligent man on the police force and then, to top things off, Tauna's own personal stories were messed with. Eliza could be seen on the arm of Pete and Amanda on the arm of Mac.

"Andrea!"

"Do not Andrea me." Tauna's sister's hands froze over her own keyboard. "Delete that garbage of a story on my characters and quit calling that garbage canon, or I will continue."

"Fine, I will get rid of the story." Tauna muttered, deleted everything, stood up, and muttered as she walked out. "And here I thought they were Austen's characters."

Andrea ignored the comment, knowing Tauna was correct on the characters being Austen's except when it came to Andrea's original characters, and turned, relieved to see everyone not only back in their proper roles, but happily departing. Counting their blessings to be out of reach of Tauna's hands.