Pride and Prejudice

Andrea's Kitchen

Under Fire

The sun beat mercilessly down upon Andrea's head as she sat on the roof with her back against the attic wall, more specifically the old chimney stack. The lady was holding an oversized Nerf gun; Jan was holding her own and was lying on her stomach as she looked through a four-foot railing. Andrea's late husband had built it for summer picnics when they wanted to 'get away' without actually leaving their home.

"What did you do to tick off the whole town of Meryton?" Jan whispered as yet another Nerf ball flew over the barricade and almost smacked her in the leg.

"Nothing. And that is not the whole town, you silly goose," Andrea rolled her eyes. "That is a bunch of gossipy women. Mrs. Philips, being the main one."

"How dare you frame our poor Charlotte!" yelled Mrs. Philips, shooting off another round. "She would never run off with George Wickham!"

"I never said, or wrote she did!" Andrea and Jan both shouted and then wondered if Tauna had been writing anything.

"Do not look at me," Tauna replied as she joined them on the roof, handing them more ammo.

"Where did you get these?"

"Does it matter?" Jan asked as she grabbed more as she ran out, and Miss Caroline Bingley shouted, "How dare you say Miss Lucas is my mother!"

"What is she talking about?" Tauna asked, confused. "I do not recall reading anything for you that says that. In fact…" Looking through a slit. "I do not recall you describing that lady to me."

"She's no lady and…" Andrea shook her head. "I did not come close to even suggesting what little Miss P…Caro claims." When Caroline hollered her accusation again, Andrea whipped around, rising above the barrier long enough to nail the arrogant little know-it-all in her lower backside as she had made the mistake of turning around.

"Take that! I did no such thing! Miss Charlotte is too much of a lady to be stuck with you, besides your father has already met his demise!" With that, Andrea whipped back around behind cover.

Andrea, Jan, and Tauna thought they were going to have to continue defending themselves, but the women quit shooting. Peeking over the barricade, they saw the women were now facing each other, only occasionally looking towards Andrea's home.

"I heard Charlotte, even though I really do not believe she ran off with the ensign, taught him how to dance in a most unbecoming manner, calling it 'Rollicking William.'"

"Well, I heard…" Miss Caroline was not about to miss out on this kind of talk. "Miss Jan tell her other writer friends that Charlotte plans on eloping with Mr. Bennet at the same time as Kitty is due to run off with Mr. Collins."

"I think I just got sick." Jan looked around for a bucket. "Me write? And if I did, I certainly would not put Miss Bennet with Mr. Collins."

Once again, a voice from below spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. "I happen to have it on good authority that Charlotte is a spy for our enemies; she has been sending secret messages through her pieces of poetry!"

"That is enough! Your lines are sillier and more absurd than any of Tauna's or mine, and, for your information, Miss Little Caro…Jan does not write!" Andrea, Jan, and Tauna stood up and, thanks to Tauna's friends from other sections of the Fan Fiction world, pulverized those gossipy women back into their proper places and off Andrea's property.

"Now, I am going back to Pride and Prejudice in peace." Andrea turned to Jan. "Here, take these…" She handed Jan the extra Nerf gun, balls, and bullets. "You may need them if Little Miss Caro shows back up."