'Finally, you show up,' I hear him drawl from behind me, 'I've been waiting,' I turn and see him casually walking toward me, already free of his shirt, 'Waiting since the first moment I saw you.'

My breath catches for a moment. He looks as if he is sculpted out of marble and moonlight, lighting the space around him with an ethereal glow. I swallow my nerves. It's been so long since I've been with someone else. I feel like a boy again, smitten with a school crush.

He saunters toward me, it's only when he presses a cool hand against my cheek that I realize I haven't taken a breath, 'I can assume you don't come here just to look,' he croons.

'If that's what you want too,' I say, the words catching in my throat and coming out much softer than intended.

'Darling,' he continues, teasing my own shirt up, 'I'm here for whatever you want.' He continues, pushing my back against a tree.

We meet in a kiss, and quick work is made of my shirt. My heart races under his cool lips, his cool touch. I caress his body, as my hands run over his back I feel the raised bumps of scars. So many scars it makes me pause. Astarion takes note and gently lowers my hands to his waist, pulling me closer to him. Through the lust, the touch, the kisses there's something else. I was almost so lost in my own world with him to recognize it. Something is not right.

'Hold up now,' I manage to say in between kisses, 'Are you sure 'bout this?'

Astarion doesn't stop, 'Isn't it what you came here for darling,' he whispers in my ear, hands still exploring as he trails kisses down my neck, my chest 'To lose yourself in me? relax, enjoy it.'

I try to, I really try to. I crave his touch but this feels wrong. I can't shake that gnawing feeling in the back of my mind that this isn't genuine, at least not on his part. There's an emptiness in his eyes he can't quite hide. His touch practiced there is no doubt, but passionless. Like he's going through the motions. His fingers go for the laces of my trousers. No, this isn't right.

'Wait I'm serious Astarion,' I say, placing a firm hand between us, 'Now don't get me wrong I ain't opposed but,' I continue, making sure I'm looking him in the eye, 'If you ain't feelin' the same, i-it just don't feel right.'

Astarion's gaze narrows, but that numbness is still there, 'So you don't want this? You don't want me?' He asks, taking a step back. His tone is set on the edge of irritation.

I comb a nervous hand through my hair, 'That ain't it, I do, I-I mean you're beautiful, more'n that,' I feel my cheeks burn with flush, he is beautiful and my base urge is screaming to continue, but it feels wrong if I'm the only one enjoying the moment, 'All's I'm sayin' is that I want you'ta be comfortable too. I want you'ta…well… want the same.'

Astarion furrows his brow, looking me up and down. Then he starts to laugh, 'You're turning me down? You can't be serious.'

I feel sick. I feel so stupid, so embarrassed. I should have known a guy like him wouldn't be interested in some nobody like me. I'll always be the punchline to a joke. What do you get when you mix an immortal high-elf and a backwoods half-breed? A fucking joke. Everything feels so small, so close, his gaze feels unbearable.

'I-I'm sorry,' I quickly apologize, my face now blazing with embarrassment, 'I-I shouldn't'a… so stupid …' I stammer as I start back to camp, pulling my shirt over my head. I want to get as far away from here as possible. If I could sink into this very patch of earth I would.

'A moment!' Calls Astarion his laughter fading, 'Silas, a moment please.'

I stop. Trying to control the pounding in my chest. I'm torn. Is he going to throw more jokes at my expense? Is he being sincere? I wait to hear him out.

'I'm sorry, that was uncalled for.' he starts, 'How about a bottle of wine then?' He drawls, pulling on his own shirt, 'If there's any left that is–hate to see a lovely night waisted.'

'I bet we can scrounge one up,' I say with a half-hearted smile as we make our way back to camp.

The celebration with the tieflings had seen more spirits flowing than I had expected. Every bottle we come across is empty. We finally manage to find one stashed away at the very back of a crate. I grab a couple of goblets as Astarion opens the bottle, letting it air before he takes a swig.

'Our lucky day, Astarma White,' he smiles as we head down to the lakeshore, 'None of that vinegar from earlier.'

He takes the goblets, pouring equal measure into each, setting the bottle between us. I take a sip of the smooth, fruity wine. A lightness creeping into my head. We sit for a moment in silence, overlooking the smooth dark water and the mountains beyond that. He's the first to break the silence.

'You know, you're the first person in quite some time to turn me down,' he says casually, looking up from his wine goblet, 'I should be offended but I'm slightly impressed.'

I shrug, 'The feelin' with somethin' like that should be mutual,' I state simply, 'No point in it otherwise.'

When I look back up at him there's a far off look in his eyes. One that I know all too well, one that brings back memories of blood and mud and death, memories that are best left forgotten. I shudder. I know enough of the implications behind the gaze to not press him further, 'You'd be surprised how many don't share that sentiment.' He says, an icy edge to his voice.

'Some people are lower'n a snake's belly,' I say softly, not quite able nor willing to keep the anger out of my voice, 'They don't matter none.'

Astarion sighs and shakes his head, as if doing so shakes the grip of the past, 'Couldn't have put it better myself darling,' he says, that wall back up, 'You know I'm surprised you haven't asked.'

I furrow my brow, ''bout?'

Astarion lifts his chin behind his shoulder, 'The scars, everyone does.'

I shake my head, 'I mean I wasn't gonna, seemed rude.'

Astarion lets out a laugh, 'Really ? First a considerate lover, and now not curious about my past. How chivalrous of you good Saer.' he says with a dip of his head.

'I wouldn't call it chivalrous,' I say as I finish off my glass of wine, 'Just being a decent person, we all got our past don't we? Some'a which we'd rather forget.' I say as I look away, ''sides, Mama raised a gentleman.' I add with a laugh.

'You're quite unusual , you know that?' He remarks, in a way that I'm not sure to take it as a compliment or an insult. He pauses for a moment, as if weighting something in his mind. Then continues, 'It's a gift from my former master if you should know,' he says, his mood growing dark, 'A poem he said, made us a family ,' his hand mindlessly goes to the raised marks, 'The more I screamed, the more mistakes he made, and the more edits had to be done.'

The horror of the act shocks me to my core. Of all the things he could have said I never would have guessed it would be that. I'm lost for words for a moment, ' By the grace of the bleeding god -' I start, 'Astarion I-I'm so sorry.' Knowing full well those words don't mean nothin' compared to what he's been though, 'You didn't deserve that, no one deserves that kind'a cruelty for cruelty's sake.'

Astarion doesn't look at me, his face a mix of sorrow then anger then hate. 'Cazador believed in cruelty for the smallest infractions. He said-' he starts, clenching his fists, 'He said my screams sounded sweetest.' His voice is as hollow as his eyes had been earlier.

'You're free now,' I say gently, 'You ain't under his thumb no more, there's somethin' in that.'

Astarion scoffs, downing the rest of the wine, 'I'll never be free so long as he's out there.'

I frown, knowing he's right, a vampire lord is as cunning as they come and more. 'Well, you're not alone either, he'll have a mess'a us to go through to get to you.' I say with a reassuring smile, 'Can't speak on the rest of 'em but I ain't goin' down easy.'

There's a moment of relief in his face, of muscles relaxing before he fades back into that darkness, 'Well aren't you just a sweetheart,' he says, again, in that unreadable tone, 'If only that's all it took to help me.'

I don't know what else to say, I don't know if saying anything else is appropriate to say after that. 'Well, I reckon we should at least get a wink'a sleep for tomorrow.' I say as I stand.

Astarion nods in agreement, copying my motion. Though he pauses for a moment, 'Would you like a kiss goodnight?' he asks, a devilish grin on his face.

I raise my eyebrows, 'I do believe the real question is, do you?'

He opens his mouth as if to give me an automatic answer then smiles, 'No…no I don't believe I do.'

I nod and smile, 'Then neither do I.'

The smile on Astarions face widens into a genuine one. For a moment I catch a glimpse of him, what I think is the real him. 'Goodnight then Silas,' he says with a bow, 'Most chivalrous of the half-elves.'

I roll my eyes, 'Good night you bastard.'

'I'm hurt,' he pouts before putting a hand on my shoulder, 'Get some sleep my friend, who knows what trouble awaits us tomorrow.'

'Likewise,' I reply as we go our separate ways.

As I bed down for the night I can't keep him out of my mind. A subtle sadness washes over me on his behalf, of what he shared. I try to push it out as I drift off to what little sleep I'll get tonight.