The four decided to start their plan right away. "Right so I'm doing to make the Slytherins' day worse, that's why I called Mr. Black in with a secret patronous and a levitating charm, that was shot over my knee. While you all weren't looking. Come in Mr. Black."
Regalus comes in the office. "You've been summoned by a levitating charm, until I got you to my tower. Did you know my office is in the 2nd highest tower in this castle? I'm glad had the forsight to rabdomly drink some felixis today, before levitating you up here. Dunno if you would catch yourself with a levitating charm or a slow down charm if my armed bumped into a desk. Paperwork is endless this time if year ya know?"
Regalus blanched. Dumbeldore titled his half moon glasses with his hand, to stare at Reglaus. "Whelp anyways, I called you here to ruin your day," he said chipperly. "I'm adding to muggle studies. There will be a new course called 'medieval muggle church and why it's ours': magical medieval religion'. It's mandatory for all Slytherins. I have another course added to thr curriculum called magical Scientology too. Not so mandatory for Slytherins, nope that one is for the posh ones."
"Pardon?" Reglaus asked, not believing his ears.
"Nothing, " Dumbeldore ceased his muttering. "How long has it been since I have dropped you through the window closest to my door?"
"Fifteen minutes, " Regalus replied.
"Good that's plenty of time for me to forget to cast a muffalato charm on my door and for you to conveniently be in need of a oblivious."
Regalus leaned bac a bit. "I won't tell anyone professor, I can help, I'll b even go to the religion class without grimacing."
Dumbeldore looked at Regalus closely. "Did I already lace your pumpkin juice with vertiserum and a love potion to make you do what Ms. Lovegood says?"
"Er no," Reglaus replied. "I didn't drink my pumpkin juice. And I'm a guy, seeing Luna from a broomcloset is a lot stronger than seeing her from a love potion."
"Ayo," Ron cheered. "Facts."
Dumbledore picked up Fawkes and smacked gawkes agaisnt his head. Fawkes cried some more holy tears, but Fawkes had a distinctly black and white trollish smile. "Whatever, that works. Just spread religion in thr Slytheein common room. Tell them my personal scientology curriculum lit. If they argue, light them and say I'm descendeded from zeta."
"Alright," Regalus said. "And should I preach about abstinence?"
"To purebloods marrying their cousin, hell yea...please," Dumbeldore said. "Even after marriage."
"Okay headmaster," Regalus said, going to sit by Ron
"Oh and Mr. Black?" Regalus turned around. "I'm making you head boy for doing good in religion classes. Marry Ms. Lovegood after you take relgion-numerology aka religion-Elective, it will look good on your Hogwarts resume, you'll get a good magical job after Hogwarts in thr Magical Boys Club and Magical Pawn Franchises I'll personally tell your mother this. "
"Er Ok," Reglaus replied. "I'll sell myself for her."
"You'll go far Mr. Black," Dumbeldore said.
"You're finally remembering you're a headmaster of this two legged school not just spying on Riddle, Harry, or Drumstrang," Firenze walked up to Dumbledore's desk.
"Who's Riddle?" Reglaus asked quietly. Ron and Parvati told him voldemort's sob story. Regalus crinkled his nose, "but Riddle? Da fuck? Is he a a Riddle we have to solve or a megalomaniac cultist?"
"Both, " Ron replied. "He made Harry guess his frozen-like-eggs 16 year old horocrux soul was Voldy, by making Harry rearrange his Tom Riddle name until it was volde-"
Parvati slapped a hand on Ron's mouth. "Ron there is a trace! Do you want thr guy to burst in here onna random Tuesday afternoon? I heard he burst in a busy muggle tax office during the qeek during peak season but here? Ain't no way!"
Ron took Parvati's hand off his mouth and put it in his mouth. "Get a room," Reglaus groaned.
Parvati and Ron jumped away from each other. "Not on me " Luna pushed them away.
"Well anyways its like Voldo's real equal is Hermione or Padma, they have the same hobby, " Ron rolled his eyes. "Voldo has nothing better to do then leave clues the moment Harry joins Hogwarts, and make Harry guess where is Voldo. Honestly the guy should've just marked Hermione his equal, they could fifht in the library."
"What a shame," Luna agreed. "I think he would make his eggs horocruxes or maybe he made horocruxes to save his eggs."
"Voldo is a guy mate," Ron told Luna.
"That's rude of you to assume, he could have different pronouns. That's why his background plot was 11 years of being as abused as Harry in Albania."
"Makes sense," Dumbeldore muttered.
"What are you going to control this time?" Firenze asked Dumbeldore, with a hoof on the desk. "You can't control Harry this time but you'll control someone. Are you going to control Mr. Black?"
"Go- Merlin no, " Dumbeldore said. "Walburga is worse than Mrs. Weasley." He pulled out his pensive. "You're all so judgmental about me putting Harry in his abusive house. So look at what I did for Harry."
Everyone leaned over the pensive and fell in. They were at Number Four Privet Drive.
A younger Dumbledore was at the Number Four Privet Drive, while younger Petunia was fuming. There was a 'for sale' sign in front of the house.
"You better take that thing away by waving your wand," Petunia glared at the sign. "We're not moving."
"I knew Petunia, but this is the only way to come to your house without you worrying about your neighbors wondering why you're here. You can tell them you changed your mind, later on. But you might not if you see what I have from James' and Sirius' vault?"
"You took money from those hooligans' vaults?" Petunia asked.
"James and Sirius' wills direct all their money to Harry. Sirius is the heir if Black after Regalus passes away, or we'll the truth is he's been hiding as a pisceferious spell, aka turned himself into a fish, in Voldemort's lake with inferi. We think he got stuck as a fish because of the potion, and we hope he's not an inferi fish."
Regalus winced, and Ron gave him a pitying look. "Anyways " Dumbeldore continued. "Sirius still became the Heir of Black when he was sent to Azkaban and his parents passed away, after mishearing Regalus ran off with an inferi then drowned. They wanted him tk be a heir after hearing he betrayed Har pllThat makes Sirius the heir of Black and Sirius called his goblin account manager to Azkaban and wrote his will. Harry is a joint account holder to the Black account. And James' will states his will goes to Harry. And then your parents' will states their money goes to half to Dudley and hald to Harry."
."You read their wills?" Petunia asked.
"I'll tell you a little secret, I have a goblin child who works in Gringotts," Dumbledore admitted.
"It still doesn't explain how you know about my parents' will," Petunai replies.
"Your parents converted some of their muggle money to some gold in gringotts for Harry, my goblin daughter wws the teller," Dumbledore replied.
"Okay so you're telling me Harry is filthy rich. But why did Sirius kill Lily and James to make Harry a joint account holder? He knew voldewhort would try to kill my sister's whole family. Even Snape knew that."
"Sirius didn't betray the Potters," Dumbledore said. "JMes Sirius , Peter are illegal animguses. They can turn into animals but they werent registered at the ministry. Peter and Siruus switched at the last moment to throw voldemort off. I just found this out. But Peter was with Voldemort. When Siruus confronted Peter a week ago, Peter cut off his finger, turned into his rat form and blasted the street of muggles. He faked his death and Sirius was framed for that too."
"That's a complicated story but WHY IS SIRIUS STILL IN JAIL WHILE LILY'S MURDERER WALKS FREE TOO?" Petunia exploded.
"For thr Greater Good," Dumbledore replied. "One day Sirius so find out Peter is living in his rat form with thr Weasley family. And one day the Weasley family will win a trip to Egypt and Sirius will see Peter as a rat in the paper. Sirius will recognize Peter, especially because the rat is missing one finger. Sirius will escapr Azkaban in bus dog form then break out go to Hogwarts to catch Peter, the moving maps they made will show Peter's name on it and show where Peter is in the castle. In real time as you muggles say. Sirius will convince Harry and his friends."
"Remus who I hire will also find out the truth. Then Snape who is bitter will try to turn Sirius in but everyone will be knocked out. Finally Remus will forget to take wolfsbane so he turns into a dangerous werewolf and Sirus has to stop him as a dog. Then the dementors at the school I was forced to put there due to Sirius, close in on Harry and his friends. Harry things he sees his dad then casts patronouse. And saves Sirus, whom a dementor closes in on."
"I wonder why Sirius transformed back into a man affer chasing Remus off? Maybe to help Harry. Anyways Sirius is caught by aurors and Snape is kinda hypocritical and an ass who refuses to beleive that Sirius is innocent. Even when Harry tells him he is. Snape claims Sirius hoodwinked the kids and Remus' is a werewolf who can't be trusted. And fudge another ass agreess."
"Meanwhile Sirius' cousin's child, Draco Malfoy, insulted a hippograff during hagrid's lesson. And the hippograff kicked Draco's ass. It just scratched Draco and Draco cried like a little bitch. His daddy is on the school board of governors. So an executioner, a death eater who pretended to be blackmailed to serve voldemort, a lot like Draco's daddy, is called. Hermione and Ron have as been crusading against that before Sirius told them the truth."
"I tell Hermione the bookworm to go back in time with her time turner to save two poeple. She and Harry go back 4 hours ago... They save the hippograff from execution and then find where the ministry is keeping Sirius, in in my castle to get the dementor's kiss-"
"Dementor's kiss?" Petunia asked.
"These creatures kiss prisoners to take their souls away. We call them the only thing Azkaban prisoner's can wife. Anyways, Hermione and Harry free Sirius at the end. Sirius rides away on the hippograff's back into the sunset. Both are free."
"When does this happen?" Petunia asked. "Harry is one years old. How did he do this?"
"It doesn't happen yet, it will," Dumbledore replies. Petunia gives him a weird look. Ron is muttering darkly.
"Then free Sirius now. I don't like Lily or James and his hooligan friends. But v they don't deserve this," Petunia ranted.
"I need Sirius to be on the run, he needs to stay in Azkahan for thirteen years and learn how to be stealthy, " Dumbeldore replies.
"That's fucked up," Petunia replied. "He's wasting away there! You know what? I'm glad I didn't go with Lily to your magical circus. You're insane! I'm glad I'm not a witch, you're a real witch!"
"That's very understandable," Dumbledore hummed. "But I need Sirius to be a refuge when voldemort comes back. Harry will be the only one outwardly spending from Sirius' account. Sirius' death eater cousin Bellatrix won't be able to find Black heirlooms sold anywhere. And track Sirius down. Whatever mundungus steals from the Blacks and sells will be brought back. And if I give you a Black and Potter house Sirius inherited frok Alphred Black, you will show Harry equal status. You can have all the gold spoons."
"After seeing your plans for Harry, I'm gonna formerly adopt him anyways," Petunia hissed.
"No need, you have Sirius' other house and James' family property in France too. You can have all the gold trinkets and spoons from thr Potter property," Dumbeldore said, airily.
"Then just free Black now," Petunia replied.
"I can't if Black is a refuge he can hide Harry. And Lucius, Draco's father, will be busy looking for Sirius for voldemort and Bellatrix, Dracos mum's sister. That will distract them from trying to get Harry... Or you. They'll think Sirius is in Grimmauld Place, cooped up. Bellatrix and Peter will tell Voldemort everything they know about him. They'll think of ways to use Sirius to let Harry. Then they'll forget about attacking you to get Harry, they'll think they're doing Harry a favor. Or he'll send them a letter with postmark requests for torturing you. "
"So keeping Sirius in jail will distract voldemore?" Petunia deadpanned "That's why you're keeping him locked away for 13 years?"
"Yea," Dumbeldore was interrupted from his musing. "You can hide in his family estate from Alphred. Sirius can too. The Death Eaters or bottom feeders as I call then, will be too busy stalking your house here or trying to get information or of Kreacher, the Black family house elf."
Petunia blanched, and glanced around her window, frantically. The street was awash with the sun's bright rays but silent. The neighbors were in their yard or riding their muggle bikes in the other direction.
She didn't know what was worse, seeing Sirius Black again or muggles seeing Death Eaters stalk her house. She didn't want that Bellatricks or Draco's father stalking her house in their weird dresses. And neighbors seeing the death tagged over Petunia's gate. She was sure that Lushus and Bellatricks would destroy her flower garden.
She didn't want them peaking into her or Dudley's window. Or worse the guest room for Marge. She didn't want Marge's dog sniffing at them and boring Bellatricks. She didn't want Bellatricks biting Marge's dogs. She didn't want her muggle neighbors calling thr cops after seeing the death Eaters eating gym bird feeders.
She also didn't want to see Sirius Black again. The last time she saw him, he was 16 and telling her she didn't need to be jealous of Lily. That he would show her how to make a Love Potion and manage magical creatures, she could become the winner of runner up of Miss Magical World beauty pageant.
"Sirius will give you his mum's entire expensive antique collection. He just wants to come here as a dog sometimes. One of Marge's dogs," Dumbeldore smirked at Petunia. "Just let him come and also pretend to give Harry nothing. I have a big plan for Harry's appearance. And you can stay in Sirius or James' ancestorial homes as long as you want. If you call it a home while Harry is there, the blood wards work there too. But if your oaf of a husband harms Harry I will personally rm free Sirius so Sirius can maul him. "
"Okay, " Petunia hissed. "And if you don't free Sirius, i will personally free Sirius and not let you access Harry. And Sirius can't ever sit on my couch."
"Alright, I'll get Sirius a trial tomorrow and his trial will be pending for 13 years because of insufficient proof. He will be under house arrest at Alphred's estate, that had bars, every five years and he will be of of parole under Alastor every four years. He'll be on house arrest the year Ron wins a trip to Egypt," Albus agreed.
Petunia picked Harry up. "We'll go to Sirius' ancestorial hike today. I'm keeping most of his toys in James' house, because Sirius' dark objects will get mixed up in Harry's toys. Harry like the the pond near James' house in France, and the camp ground near Sirius' house."
Dumbledore took them all back to the present. "See I hooked Harry up, I know what I'm doing. We would've taken down voldy together. I would even sacrifice myself to take voldewart down."
"Why can't you just fight him" Firenze asked, massaging his temples with hooves. R
"He has horocruxes. And he's not my lover like Grindy, I don't know his weaknesses," Dumbledore asked.
"Could you make Grindenwald a forced mercenary on your side?"
"If Voldy can break in. Grindy's tower to ask about the elder wand, I think I could, " Dumbledore said, thoughtfully.
"How do you know all this information about the future, headmaster?" Regalus asked, eyes twitching. "You have memories from the future in your pensive. If my brother being falsely imprisoned... by you!"
"Yeah you'd 10 dubious and morally gray moves ahead of eveyone," Ron added.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled like stars.
"You're not the only time travelers I met," he clapped Firenze on the shoulder. "And centaurs are very good at predicting parts of the future."
Firenze from further in the future came in the office.