Hermione did not open her eyes immediately when they landed. She leaned against Severus's sturdy frame wrapped in black wool. Her heart beat with an urgency she had not felt in a long while. It made her a bit dizzy to experience again, so she held on tight to Severus, her arms wrapped against his neck. Her head buzzed with a familiar tinnitus she had forgotten about, the space between her eyebrows growing with tension. Her eyes were unfocused as she took in Severus' sitting room over his shoulder. The room wobbled around her, and she clutched his shoulders tightly, her legs threatening to betray her. Severus was saying something, she couldn't quite focus on what exactly…
"I should not have grabbed you like that. I only meant to get to to safety." Severus' dark hair tickled her forehead as he shook his head, scrambling to explain. Hermione distantly acknowledged that she had never seen Severus Snape flustered before.
She shook her head no, cutting him off. The room felt quieter now, the buzzing in Hermione's head easing into a gentle hum, her awareness occupied by the feel of him so close. Severus had not, as she had expected, pushed her away. In fact, he seemed to settle into their embrace. Her heart began to slow, calmed only by the soft brush of his neck against her cheek, a sensation that should be too intimate. And although she couldn't feel her skin at all, she knew that she was entirely too cold.
"Hermione," he whispered softly against her cheek, after some silence. "Are you hurt?"
She shook her head, closing her eyes again. "That was scary."
"Yes it was."
"Even for you?" Hermione lowered herself off of her tiptoes so she could look at him.
He paused a beat, his dark eyes unreadable. "Even for me."
She didn't speak right away. Her heart pounded in her ears, and Severus' voice felt so very far away. As she backed away from him, she found that her body had taken on a hollow feeling that wasn't entirely disagreeable, were it not for the roiling nausea in her stomach. She hadn't felt this way in years, but gods, did it feel like only yesterday she had stepped away from the final battle, the fog of war clouding her vision as she sat, staring at the dead giant that lay across the stone bridge.
Severus examined her closer. "You're shaking."
Hermione's head was a heavy fog, a dull pain in her front temple growing stronger and stronger. "Dizzy." She closed her eyes as Severus helped her to some soft surface, where she sat. She leaned forward and found that she was curled in his arms, her mind numb and blank. She knew she should be embarrassed, but she wasn't. At the moment, she didn't care which parts of herself Severus saw.
"Hermione, it's ok. It's over." Severus swallowed hard, wrapping a blanket around her and lighting the hearth with his wand. "I'm so sorry. I know how terrible it is to relive this feeling."
"The noises…" She murmured, allowing the crackling of the fire to soothe the deep coldness in her chest.
"Yes."
Of course he understood. There was the horrifying silence of battle, where she heard nothing except for her enemies, a singular focus that carried her through any duel. It felt like all the noise had caught up to her now that it was over. She shook her head into his shirt. "It wasn't even-"
"Don't." Severus said sternly, stroking her back with his hand. "Don't minimize it. A battle is a battle."
"I feel like there's a hole opening up in my chest." Hermione raised her head, struck by the unguarded look in his eyes. "I forgot it was there."
Severus did not look away. His face shone with something much like regard as he said again, "Yes."
She shook her head, regretting it immediately as an ache stabbed through her brain. "We should check on the others."
Severus did not move, and continued to run a lazy hand on Hermione's back, her head now resting in his lap. "There is nothing we can do for them that Poppy cannot do. And you have had an ordeal." He waved his wand and a bowl of hot stew appeared on the coffee table, the same kind that he had summoned for her in Malfoy Manor.
"Thank you." She sat up and gingerly picked up the bowl; it was the perfect temperature, the lamb and potatoes instantly warming her.
"Chocolate?" Severus said, holding out a bar of Honeydukes.
She shook her head. "The stew is perfect. It's the same one as before, isn't it?" She did not want to bring up that place, not now.
Severus nodded, "My grandmother's recipe."
"I've never head you speak of your family before."
"She died when I was very young." Severus' voice had dropped to a low murmur, she had to lean slightly to hear him. "She was a muggle, but her stew certainly had its own healing magic."
She nodded and ate a few more bites. "Eat some Severus."
"I'm fine." He looked as though he wasn't sure what to do next.
Hermione set the bowl down, taking in his awkward demeanor, wishing he would open up, admit that he had feelings for her. But that wasn't Severus, was it? He had already been through so much, she could not blame him for hesitating to trust in another person. And so she realized that she needed to admit some things too. "There's something I need to tell you."
Severus stiffened slightly and seemed to brace himself, not looking at her.
"Severus, do you trust me?" Her voice came out more timidly than she'd intended. "Both word and wand?
He nodded, still staring at the fire. "The list of people who have my trust is very short, and you are on it."
She took a deep breath and willed him to hear her as she concentrated on their connection, repeating back his thoughts from earlier. No one will take her from me.
Severus snapped up, tense as a cobra and deathly still. "What did you just do?" Shouldn't be possible…
She smiled, it had worked. I know.
He gasped again, his black eyes going wide. "Hermione, what-"
"I should have told you sooner." Hermione explained quickly. "I've been hearing your thoughts since the beginning of term." Severus' eyes widened and she hesitated, "Actually, that's not entirely true; I first heard you in Malfoy Manor, when you warned me in the cellar about Yaxley. I didn't know it was you at first."
"You've been hearing my thoughts for three and a half years?" He repeated with an eerie calmness that scared Hermione more than if he had screamed at her.
"No! I heard only you once or twice at the Manor, but it stopped until I came back here." Her heart raced, although she hadn't really done anything wrong. "I didn't hear every thought you had."
Severus groaned and put his head in his hand. "Hermione, I am so sorry."
She tilted her head quizzically. "What could you possibly be apologizing for?
"What have you heard in my mind?" He rubbed his overgrown stubble with his hand, not meeting her eyes.
She thought back to the beginning of term. "I mostly just heard you grumbling about Rowland." Severus cringed at this. "But honestly, I didn't even know it was your voice until the day my door was vandalized, when we were standing on the astronomy tower."
He finally looked at her. "That was weeks ago. You waited this long?"
"Please don't be angry."
Severus sighed wearily. "I'm angry with myself, not you."
"My patronus is an otter." She said quietly. Severus' lack of reaction told her that he had already come to the same conclusion she had. The distant expression in his eyes as he stared at the fire gave away nothing. "It would mean a great deal to me if you would stop pretending that this isn't happening." This time, somehow, she would walk away. If he still couldn't admit his feelings after all of this, then that would be that.
Several beats passed while he looked toward the fire, eyes not quite focused. Then he seemed to relent, closing his eyes and nodding. "My patronus has never changed. I did not think it ever would."
"It began to change weeks ago, didn't it? When I lost my memory." She remembered the blurry silver animal that he had sent to fetch help. "I didn't realize at the time what that meant, but I've seen this before. When Tonks fell in love with Remus."
"Do you know why you annoyed me so much while you were in school?" Severus let out an exhale, seeming to change the subject abruptly. "It's because you were too bloody observant."
"Severus, if this is about what other people think, I don't care. You're better than any of those-"
He shook his head, cutting her off. "It's not the optics, it's worse than any of that." His eyes were dark, glittering, pleading. "Everything I did at the Dark Lord's command, all those terrible things, I could always tell myself that I wasn't really a bad person, because they were all in service to a greater good. But this?" He looked her up and down with a painful grimace. "A former student? This is just…" My own lustful greed, his mind echoed to her. "It would only serve myself."
"And would that be so bad, if it's what I wanted?" She steeled herself for his rejection.
"Hermione, you are a vibrant, fearsome, genius woman." He looked pained as he struggled with himself.
She took a chance and trailed her hands to his firm chest. He seemed to be allowing her to touch him as she liked, but she felt uneasy. Hermione only knew she needed him to make the first move, she had to be sure that he wanted this. "If this is too much-"
Severus' disbelieving eyes darted down to her mouth and back again. "It's not nearly enough."
Her stomach flipped on itself as he closed the distance between them with soft lips, his hands holding her jaw firmly. When she returned it with equal vigor, and he pulled her body against him. She let her fingers roam through his soft hair, coiling her arms around his neck, she'd half expected him to pull away. Instead, he snaked his hand down to her waist, caressing the soft skin under the hem of her shirt. He brought his lips down again, this time less timid, more exploratory. He captured her bottom lip in his, running the tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips, seeking entrance.
She pulled his lower lip into her mouth, softly massaging it as she drew him closer. Severus shuddered and kissed her deeper, slower, and gently dipped his tongue into her mouth. He groaned when she answered his call and stroked her tongue along his, letting him know it was alright. At the sound of his delicious groan, Hermione felt like a goddess. Her skin heated as she let him explore, terrified that any moment he may change his mind.
To her surprise, Severus smoothed his large palm down her back and grasped her arsecheek, massaging it through her jeans and pulling her hips close enough to feel his erection between their bodies.
This happy accident seemed to break Severus' concentration. He tore his lips from hers, exhaling roughly. "Hermione-"
"Don't you dare apologize," she said quickly, levelling him with a ragged look of her own. Then she smiled wickedly as she noticed that his hand was still on her rear.
Severus' face was serious as he spoke again, his strong jaw clenched and unclenched several times. "Hermione, perhaps we should-"
"I agree." Hermione nodded, "We should go slow."
Severus exhaled and blushed, a small, unfiltered smile came to his lips. "Did you read my mind again?"
"No," She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "I just like to think I know you a little by now." She pressed a second kiss to his other cheek. "You do not seem the type to rush."
Severus opened his mouth and closed it, staring at her as if he had never seen her before. "You have ensnared me, Hermione. I'm finding that I do not possess the strength to turn you away." A feeling akin to victory filled her, as he continued, "I just ask for your mercy while I navigate this. It has been a long time since I…" He swallowed hard.
"Dated anyone?" She offered kindly, although she could tell it was much more than just that. His eyes were unfocused, his breath came in silent heaves. Hesitantly, he trailed the skin of her collarbone with the barest touch of his fingertips, she closed her eyes at the contact, relishing in his attention. "It's alright. I don't want to rush either."
Severus stood, removing himself from their tangle of limbs. He was sending her home. She told herself it was alright, that she would see him in the morning. He muttered something and then held out a stack of black silky material to her. She took it, confused.
"What's this?" She unfolded the stack to see two light sleeping garments.
"In case you'd like to stay," was all he said, his voice trailing off.
She blanched, and then nodded quickly, stepping through to his bedchambers to change into the luxurious clothes he had given her. His dark silhouette followed in her after a few minutes.
"I would-' He cleared his throat, "If you're comfortable, I would like to hold you tonight."
She could not quite see his expression, but his deep, silky voice read like a question. She nodded a wide, blushing smile on her face. She climbed into his massive four-poster bed and held the covers out for him. He lay next to her on his side, slipping one arm under her pillow, the other around her ribcage. She lay on her back, relishing in the weight of his massive arm pinning her down. He rested his head on the crook of her neck and scooted his body closer to her, letting out a tired exhale.
After a moment, the bed shifted around her. She could make out Severus pulling a pillow from the top of the bed toward him, tucking it between his hips and hers. Hermione blushed in the dark; he did not want to disturb her with his...excitement. If only you knew how little of a disturbance that would be.
"Go to sleep, witch." He murmured softly.
"You heard that?" She said, running her nails lightly over his forearm.
"Indeed." But he only nestled his face into her neck a bit more.
Hermione turned beet red and closed her mouth. If Severus wanted to be a gentleman, she wouldn't stop him. She knew before her eyes closed, that she would never have a better night's sleep than one where she was wrapped up in Severus. Hermione slipped off into oblivion, turmoil of the day quite removed from her mind.