The Pros and Cons of Silence

by DarkSideofParis

*SEQUEL TO LIVING THE LIFE OF ALLY* Alex knew her life would never be the same again after she met the Doctor, but she never expected to witness his death, learn of an alien cult gunning for him, nor begin suffering mysterious pain attacks. And, of course, River. But maybe these wild events will finally get them to admit their love? 11/OC AU Season 6. 2nd in the Alex Locke Series.

37. Adjusting - May

A/N: Alex's outfits for this chapter can be viewed on my Tumblr, under the name 'darksideofparis'.

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

May 9th, 2011

Alex fell back on her bed with a weary sigh. She closed her eyes and rubbed her head. God, who knew it was going to be this difficult?

It had been just a few hours since the Doctor dropped her off at Amy and Rory's. Though she had initially despaired at constantly missing the Doctor while he searched for Melody, it had quickly become apparent that there were several problems here that would keep her mind occupied.

All those problems revolved around two people: Amy and Rory. Alex hadn't expected them to be doing well following the kidnapping of the daughter they hadn't even known they were expecting, but she hadn't thought it would be this bad.

For a start, when she arrived, they were in their pajamas at three in the afternoon. If it had been the weekend, Alex wouldn't be bothered, but it was Monday afternoon. Rory should have been at Leadworth Hospital. He had requested two weeks off when they went to America and those two weeks were most definitely up.

Plus, he'd been drinking. Alex hadn't seen explicit evidence, but she could smell the liquor on his breath when he hugged her. Thankfully, Amy didn't seem to be taking to the bottle. Alex wasn't sure she could handle two depressed drunks.

From what she could gather, for the past few days, the Ponds had basically been drifting around their house, unable to focus on anything productive. Amy slumped in front of the TV, absently watching game shows and soap operas while Rory holed himself up in his study, steadily making his way through the expensive bottle of Scottish whiskey his co-workers gave him and Amy as a wedding present. Their depression had been briefly abated by Alex's arrival but only because they thought she was bringing good news. It physically pained Alex to see the light in Amy and Rory's eyes dim when she revealed the Doctor had yet to find Melody. Amy's reaction hadn't been pleasant either.

"If he really wanted to help, he should've stayed the hell away from us!" Amy had snapped. "It's HIS fault this happened!" Her eyes blazed with fury for a few seconds, only to quickly die out when she realized what she'd said and to whom. Mumbling something under her breath – Alex suspected it was an apology – she'd spun on her heel and ran back into the house. A few seconds later, a loud thump echoed from upstairs, presumably Amy slamming her bedroom door shut.

Rory had winced. "You'll have to forgive her. She's. . ."

"Not doing well?"

"Yes, to put it bluntly. I think there's a bit of post-partum there, too."

With that exchange, Rory had disappeared upstairs. Alex had hoped he would go comfort his wife but instead heard a loud squeal. It was the noise the study door made whenever it was opened or shut. No amount of oiling could make the hinges stop squealing.

Therefore, Alex had been left alone. She unpacked, then set about cleaning the house. Another thing Amy and Rory had failed to do the last few days was basic housework. Clothes had been dumped on the bathroom floor, take-out boxes were piled up on the kitchen counters, the carpet needed a good vacuuming, the furniture could do with some dusting, and someone needed to go out and buy groceries because all there was to eat in the kitchen was a half-full jar of peanut butter, a couple slices of cheese, and some bread a week past its expiration date.

Alex did a load of laundry, placing the basket outside of the master bedroom – she may be cleaning Amy and Rory's mess, but she refused to act like a maid and put their stuff away for them – tossed the take-out boxes, and did a quick vacuuming downstairs. Dusting and furniture polishing could wait another day. She even took the liberty of calling the hospital to explain that Rory had caught a bad strain of flu on their flight back to England so he would need to take a couple of sick days. She wasn't sure Dr. Ramsden bought it, but she ultimately agreed to Rory having a few more days off.

She'd gone upstairs to yell at the master bedroom and study doors about Rory's cover story and that she was going to the grocery. No one had responded.

Alex had made it through the grocery relatively unscathed. She was actually quite pleased with herself. Thanks to those several days in Cabo, Alex was starting to get used to being around people again. She still studied all entrances and exits and kept a wary eye out, but overall, she was much better than she'd been on the day of her hair appointment. The Doctor had warned her that she might always be a bit wary now in crowds, but Alex hoped she could overcome that by the end of the summer.

A few people she knew had come up and asked how the trip to America was ("Great"), if she was going back to work at the library ("Probably, just have to talk with Mayor Bascomb first") and proceeded to express their relief since Kendra was not up to snuff ("Oh my gosh, no, I haven't heard about the Mummy Laid an Egg incident, I am so, so, so sorry").

Just what she needed. Another problem to deal with. But at least Kendra's was easily fixable.

Alex bought enough food to feed a small army. As she checked out and saw her rising toll, she resolved to call Mayor Bascomb tonight instead of tomorrow. If what she'd heard about Kendra's latest antic was true, the mayor would be ecstatic to have her back, someone who'd had plenty of experience at controlling Kendra and her thoughtless actions.

Now, she was back at the house, in the bedroom she had left both two weeks and almost a year ago. Alex rolled over onto her stomach and buried her nose in the sheets. They smelt okay, but probably needed to be changed. Another thing for me to do, she thought. Right after making dinner, forcing Amy and Rory to eat it, and hiding that Scotch. Not to mention but at some point, I have to call Lacey and the others to tell them what's going on, update Torchwood, get the locks on the house changed. . .

Alex pressed her face deeper into the sheets and let out a low moan. Only a few hours ago, she'd been about to sleep with her boyfriend – in the Biblical sense! Her plans hadn't extended further than spending a good, long while in the Doctor's bed, getting to know every inch of his tall, well-built body.

She felt a heat building between her legs. Alex squirmed. She considered alleviating it, but that would just leave her feeling even more frustrated than she already was. Besides, there were other, more important tasks she had to attend to.

She'd just sat up and swung her legs off the side of the bed when her Blackberry emitted its familiar Rascal Flatts ringtone. Alex frowned. Who could be calling her at – she glanced at her alarm clock – 7:23 her time? Lacey or one of her Bristol friends was a possibility but it was 2:23 in the afternoon over there. They would all be busy working.

She snatched her phone off the nightstand. Her brow furrowed. The number wasn't one she recognized.

Normally, Alex would have just sent the call straight to voicemail, but something told her to answer. She would never be able to explain what exactly. It was a kind of gut feeling or listening to an instinct she didn't even know she had.

"Hello?"

"Ah, Ally! I was worried you might not pick up."

Alex blinked. "Doctor? Is that really you?"

She could practically hear his eye roll. "Of course it's me! How many Doctors do you know, let alone ones that call you 'Ally'?"

Alex giggled. "Not that many. Let me start over." She sat up a little straighter, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "Hi, Doc. It's good to hear from you again, if rather quickly."

He gave a rueful chuckle. "Yes, well, I know it's only been a few hours but I . . . I miss you."

Alex smiled softly and she felt her eyes get a little wet. "I miss you, too, Doc," she whispered.

"Good to know," he said in that low, spine-shivering tone. Before Alex could respond to it, he asked in his normal voice, "So how are things there? The Ponds must have been happy to see you."

Alex was silent, unsure how to respond. She wanted to confide in the Doctor and tell him just how worried and overwhelmed she felt about the Ponds as well as her other tasks. But at the same time, she didn't want to make him feel guilty. He felt bad enough already about Melody getting taken. She didn't want to add to that. Nor did she want to lie to him. Lying while in a relationship never ended well.

She must have been silent for a long while because the Doctor called out, "Ally? Ally? Are you still there?"

Alex shook her head and forced herself back to the conversation. She wasn't going to lie to him. Maybe she could dodge the question? "Yeah, yeah, I'm right here, Doc. Say, where are you calling from? I don't know this number."

"A previous companion of mine, Martha Jones – remember I told you about her? – left me her mobile so she could get a hold of me in case of an emergency. And don't think I don't notice you trying to change the subject. What's going on there, Alex?"

Alex hesitated. She worried her bottom lip as she got up and headed towards the kitchen. "Well, right now I'm going to the kitchen to make dinner. You?"

"Not what I meant," the Doctor said firmly. He let out a long, exasperated sigh that made Alex feel guilty. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "Please, love," he begged. "Tell me what's going on. If it's bad, I want to do everything I can to help you."

With that, Alex's hesitation vanished. "It's Amy and Rory," she explained as she stepped into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and scanned the contents. "Mainly, anyway. They're, um, not doing so well."

"I expected as much. What specifically is troubling you?"

Alex shifted the phone to the crook of her shoulder as she pulled out several plastic baggies full of fruit. Fruit salad was a good idea. It was easy for her to make and would supply Amy with plenty of nutrients. God only knew if Kovarian had been giving her any kind of nutritional supplements or pre-natal vitamins. Amy's body was probably starved for them.

She shut the refrigerator door with her hip and dumped the items in the sink. "Well," she said as she ran water over the fruit, "Rory hasn't been back to work since River dropped them off here. I had to call his boss and make up an excuse about him catching a flu on the plane back from America so he wouldn't get fired. Not sure if she believed me, but it worked."

"What's he been doing then?"

Alex pursed her lips. "As far as I can tell, drinking. I could smell Scotch on his breath."

The Doctor gave a low groan. "That's not good."

"No, it's not." Alex set her phone on the counter and put it on speaker. She then fetched a cutting board and knife and moved everything to the counter facing the kitchen door. If Amy and/or Rory came down, she would be immediately alerted that she'd have to hang up. Based on Amy's reaction this afternoon, neither of the Ponds would be particularly happy to hear the Doctor's voice right now.

She started slicing into some grapes. "And, since you really want to know, Amy's not doing so great herself. As far as I can tell, she's just laid around, watching TV, not really wanting to do anything. Only wears pajamas, hasn't done any housework."

"She's most likely experiencing post-partum. Most women do after giving birth. They can't help it."

"That's what Rory said. And what happened with Melody definitely isn't helping." Alex swept her sliced grapes to the side and started on some strawberries. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Certainly be there for her, which I know you're already doing. I dare say your presence is quite the relief for her and Rory, even if they haven't expressed it yet. Just let her know that it wasn't her fault. Trust me, after she's done blaming me, she'll start in on herself, if she hasn't already."

Alex popped a strawberry slice into her mouth. "How do you know she's blaming you?"

"Your reluctance to tell me what was going on. Presumably, you didn't want me to know any of what you just told me, less I feel guilty, but also because Amy and Rory aren't exactly being favorable to me right now, mostly Amy."

"Rory doesn't seem to blame you!" Alex said quickly. "In fact, when Amy said—" She cut herself off, unwilling to repeat the words. "He told me not to blame her."

"That was nice of him." His tone indicated a bit of surprise, leading Alex to suspect that the Doctor was banking on a full blaming from his two companions. "And, besides, her blaming me for what happened is perfectly logical." He sighed. "God knows I blame myself."

"Doc, none of us could have predicted what Kovarian was gonna do." Alex dug her knife just a bit harsher into a strawberry. "As much as I hate to give her credit, she was a bloody mastermind. Like a James Bond villain."

"Difference is, we didn't manage to defeat her. She's still out there somewhere."

Despite the downtrodden way he delivered those words, Alex smiled at his inclusion of 'we'. Not just him, but him and her. They were a team. "Never say never, Doctor," she chided as she shoved her diced strawberries aside and placed a kiwi on the board. "We'll get her eventually. And when we do, I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you cart her off to prison."

The Doctor laughed. "I hope you're right. And don't forget you. Can't have my Bond girl not be beside me during that?"

Alex felt the blood rush to her face. Her fingers slipped on the kiwi, and she came very close to slicing a fingertip off. She cleared her throat and struggled to regain control of the conversation. "Um, y-yeah, right." She pointedly ignored the Doctor's sniggering. "So, back to Amy. Something occurred to me. Do you think, since she was controlling her Ganger for so long, that Kovarian would have bothered to give her vitamins and stuff?"

There was a long pause. For a moment, Alex thought they had disconnected until a loud swear rang out. The unexpectedness of it caused Alex to drop her knife and send a bit of kiwi peel to the floor. "Doc?" she called hesitantly.

The Doctor muttered a few more swear words under his breath. "For the love of. . . Rassilon, I KNEW I was forgetting something!" Alex could just picture him rubbing his face in frustration and pacing around the console. "But I was too focused on you and. . ."

"Doctor, it's okay," Alex attempted to soothe. She picked the knife up and leaned over the counter closer to her phone, as though doing so would have the same effect her physical presence had on him. "I mean . . . we were all pretty focused on finding me and Amy and getting Melody and then with the whole two hearts thing. . ."

"Yes, but I still should have done some scans of Amy. She was rather pale, even for a Scot. . ."

"I'll run some scans on her with my necklace if you want."

"Yes, good idea, Ally, do that. I daresay Kovarian would give her nutrients, just to make sure the baby was in good health if nothing else, but it would be best to make sure."

Grabbing another knife, Alex commenced with peeling another kiwi. "Will do."

"You said you were making dinner," the Doctor recalled. He sounded just the slightest bit wary. "What, exactly, is it you're making?"

Alex laughed. "Don't worry, Doc, I'm not trying to burn the house down. I'm keeping it simple. Fruit salad. Figured if Amy was deprived of nutrients, this would be a good choice."

"Ah," he said with no small amount of relief. "Yes, you're right, a good choice."

"Plus," Alex added, cutting into the kiwi, "I won't feel as guilty when I devour a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's afterwards."

"I'm not an expert when it comes to this kind of thing, but don't women usually eat ice cream as a coping mechanism?"

Alex smirked. "Very good, Doc. I'm probably gonna need some after I get done talking to you. I have to call the mayor and tell him I'm coming back to the library."

"Okay. . ."

Sensing his confusion, Alex quickly provided clarification. "I was out grocery shopping earlier – I think I did pretty well going out in public on my own, by the way – and people kept coming up to me to ask if I was coming back to the library. They expressed absolute relief when I said yes and then proceeded to tell me why. Remember my assistant? Kendra?"

"The one who put the, er . . . intimacy book next to Harold and the Purple Crayon?"

"That's the one."

"Oh, Rassilon, what did she do?"

Alex finished slicing the kiwi and started in on the oranges. "Apparently," she began as she peeled the skin away, "last week, the first graders came in for their regular story-time. Normally, their teacher consults with the librarian, in this case me, on what book they want the librarian to read to the kids, but the teacher was out sick due to a bad case of hay fever."

"And the substitute didn't have any idea what to do?"

"No, not that that's surprising. Shannon Darcy is almost as bad as Kendra at following directions. The teacher typically stays in the library during story-time, just to make sure the kids are behaving, but Shannon's got a new girlfriend and was outside the whole time talking to her. If she had been in there, she would have been able to stop Kendra."

"And what, pray tell, was Kendra's choice?"

Alex pursed her lips. "Mummy Laid an Egg."

There was a long pause as the Doctor processed this. Anyone else would have thought the Doctor didn't know the book, but Alex had seen a copy in the TARDIS library. Finally, there came a light snort, then another, this time a bit louder. Within just a few seconds, the Doctor had burst into wild, uncontrollable laughter.

"She, she really . . . oh my . . . Rassilon!" he choked out. He howled some more, and Alex could just picture him leaning against the console for support. "Seriously? Of all the books to choose from, she chooses that?!"

"I know! I mean, I know it's aimed at children, but first graders are way too young for that book!" Alex finished with the oranges and set to peeling the apples. "Anyway, naturally, the parents were pissed when their kids came home and revealed that Ms. Benson told them where babies come from. Shannon was reprimanded and from what I've heard, I don't think she'll be subbing again anytime soon."

"And Kendra? Was she fired?"

"She would've been if she weren't the mayor's niece. No one's real happy about it, hence the relief everyone expressed at my return." She sighed. "I daresay I'll have to listen to Mayor Bascomb give a bunch of excuses regarding her actions and that she's really quite talented and I'm lucky to have her as my assistant. . ."

"When you would really rather tell the esteemed mayor that his niece is a complete moron and that her presence is far more hindering than helpful?"

"Exactly!" Alex rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna need ice cream after that conversation if only to keep from banging my head against the wall."

The Doctor chuckled. "Well, I wish you luck with that."

Alex smiled. "Thanks."

"I suppose I should let you go so you can fix dinner."

Alex's hearts twisted. She really didn't want to hang up on him, yet she did have to finish dinner. "Yeah," she said softly. "I suppose. But . . . you'll call back? Or I can call you?"

"Yes!" the Doctor shouted. He coughed, apparently flustered at his quick, enthusiastic answer and at a normal volume, said, "Yes, Ally, I'd like that."

Alex beamed. "How about you call tomorrow?"

She could hear his grin through the speakers. "Deal. I look forward to it, Ally."

"Me too, Doc. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

With a smile seemingly glued to her face, Alex hung up. How about that, she thought. Things are looking up.

She continued smiling as she finished preparing the fruit salad, made a couple of ham sandwiches to go with it, and called Amy and Rory down for dinner.

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

May 10th, 2011

Alex was awake before five o'clock the next morning. She sighed as she looked at the readout on her clock and rolled onto her side away from it. She shut her eyes in an effort to go back to sleep, but it was no use. Her body was near bursting with energy and sleeping seemed like a laughable idea right now.

The Doctor had warned her this would happen. At the start of her two weeks with him, she'd been sleeping her normal amount, not counting her first night where she'd slept eleven hours straight. She'd been recovering from the effects of Demons Run, so it was only natural she would sleep a bunch. Unfortunately, by the next week, she'd noticed a steady drop in her sleeping hours. Ten became eight and eight became six. Now it was less than five and a half.

Alex pressed her head back against her pillow and groaned. What was she going to do when she eventually got to the point where she would only need a couple hours a week? If she were still on the TARDIS, she could accompany the Doctor on his nighttime adventures, but this was Leadworth. It wasn't exactly known for its nightlife.

Alex lay in bed for a few more minutes, pondering her new dilemma, before finally getting up and going to her duffel bag. She'd brought a couple of books from her TBR pile in the TARDIS. Starting one of them would kill the time remaining until a more decent hour.

Alex quickly found herself engrossed in Laurie R. King's The Beekeeper's Apprentice and when the time came, was loath to abandon wandering the Sussex downs with Sherlock Holmes and Mary Russell in favor of getting ready. But needs must and all that. She showered, dried, and straightened her hair in record time. As Alex slipped out of the bathroom, she paused at the master bedroom door. No sound came from beyond it. Then again, it was still a bit early.

Alex had been relieved when Amy and Rory ate their weight in fruit salad and ham sandwiches last night. By the end of the meal, Amy's admittedly pale even for her skin was brighter. Rory, for his part, guzzled down three bottles of water, which Alex took as an encouraging sign. Just to be safe though, after the Ponds went to bed, she slipped into the study (using her sonic on the squeaky hinges) and dumped the rest of the Scotch into the bushes outside.

Since it was her first day back and coming so soon after Kendra's thoughtless mishap at story-time, Alex tried to dress a bit more professional than usual. She put on a blue and white striped shirt and paired it with a dark denim skirt that hovered only an inch above her knees, a thin black belt, black ballet flats, and a gray blazer she'd stolen from the costumes for You Can't Take It With You, put on by the drama club as a summer production before her junior year. She put silver stud earrings in her ears and fastened a silver watch around her wrist.

By the time she was ready to leave, it was almost 8:30. Alex came out of her first-floor bedroom and paused at the steps. Nothing emanating from the second floor. She hoped it was because Amy and Rory were sleeping.

"Guys, I'm leaving now!" No response. Alex turned to look at the kitchen. She'd been planning on grabbing something on her way to the library, though now she wondered if maybe she shouldn't risk being late in order to cook breakfast. The Ponds had only eaten when she called them downstairs. What if they skipped breakfast? Neither one, especially Amy, could risk that.

After a moment of consideration, Alex shook her head and headed out the door. She wasn't the Ponds' maid. They were perfectly capable of feeding themselves if they so chose. Besides, if she tried to make something on the stove, she would just end up burning it. She always did.

Alex wasn't surprised to find that hers was the only car in the lot upon arriving at the library. It was 8:50 and the library opened at nine, but experience had taught her that Kendra always waited until the very last minute to arrive. At least her lateness gave Alex time to do a quick threat-check. Fortunately, nothing was amiss. No sign that anyone, Silence or otherwise, had been hiding in or around the library.

As the clock on the wall ticked down the final seconds of 8:59, Kendra finally rolled in. Her long blonde hair was perfectly windswept (and not in the natural way) while her clothes consisted of a forest green tube top, a white mini-skirt that would have functioned better as a belt, and brown ankle boots. Her giant pink tote bag was slung over one arm, and she carried a water bottle and a half-eaten cherry Pop-Tart.

Alex swallowed the last remnants of her scrambled eggs and bacon. "Morning, Kendra."

Kendra came to a stop before the desk. She set her breakfast down and pushed the mock Gucci sunglasses she was still wearing to the top of her head. Her blue-green eyes were wide and bloodshot, indicating she'd had a late night. Possibly another reason for her last-minute arrival. "Oh," she said flatly. "Alex. You're back."

"Yeah. Didn't your uncle tell you?"

Kendra rolled her eyes. "Puh-leaze. He never tells me anything! Just tells my mum and when I confront him acts like he told me personally!" As she chattered, she grabbed her breakfast and walked around the desk to her chair. She flopped into it, causing the adjustable chair to lower a fraction.

"Besides," she added, taking a bite of Pop-Tart, "I've got my phone switched off so even if he called, I wouldn't hear about it. People have been blowing it up like you would not believe!"

"Ah." Alex leaned back in her chair and leveled a frown at Kendra. "I assume this has to do with the story-time incident last week."

"How the bleeding hell was I supposed to know?!" Kendra exclaimed. She sounded as though she'd been saying this a lot. "Archie didn't tell me a bloomin' thing and Shannon's bloody useless."

Takes one to know one, Alex thought.

"Y'know, I saw her and her girlfriend making out against the chemist's yesterday. Going at it like animals! I thought they were gonna start doing it right there and then!"

"What in the world made you choose Mummy Laid an Egg?" Alex demanded, refusing to get side-tracked by Shannon and her girlfriend's escapades.

"It's a kid's book! My mum read it to me when I wasn't much older!"

Alex wondered if Mrs. Benson's reasoning for this was because she knew her daughter was rather dim and that she needed to be prepared earlier than most kids.

Kendra continued to rant. "And how I was supposed to know people would get pissed?" Her voice switched to one of an older, rather high-class person. "'You stupid girl! How could you read my Jimmy that filth? Now he's going to be traumatized every time my husband and I go to our room!'"

"Mrs. Temple, I take it." Alex inwardly winced. First How to Be Lovers for the Rest of Your Lives, now Mummy Laid an Egg. It would be a miracle if Mrs. Temple let her son within spitting distance of the library now.

Kendra took a swig of water. "Yeah, she's the worst. I can't go to the pub anymore because she always gives me the evil eye." She crushed the remains of her Pop-Tart and tossed it in the trash. "Bloody bint. Like her husband ever touches her. Just last week, I saw him making eyes at Elsie Margraves at the café! And she wasn't discouraging him either. The eye-sex was killer—"

Alex cut her off. "I'm sure," she said dryly. "Anyways, I'm back so I'll be resuming the role of head librarian and you'll be my assistant." Please say you want to quit, please say you want to quit!

But Kendra merely took a long sip of water. "That's fine," she shrugged. "Kind of a relief, to tell you the truth. It's hard being in charge."

Alex looked around the library. She could see several books had been mis-shelved, the magazine rack was in complete disarray, the computer screens were dirty, and she didn't even want to think about the state of the carpet. It had been obvious when she first walked in that Kendra hadn't bothered to do the regular end-of-the-day vacuuming. "So I see," she remarked.

The dig went completely over Kendra's head. She merely beamed and sat up straight in her chair. "So!" she chirped. "Where do we start first?"

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

By lunchtime, the library had mostly been put back to normal. Alex was only halfway through reorganizing the books, but the computer screens had been cleaned, the floor vacuumed, the windows Windexed, and the magazine rack straightened.

Currently, Alex stood in the children's section placing the A Series of Unfortunate Events books back in chronological order. As she put The Reptile Room in its proper place between The Bad Beginning and The Wide Window, she glanced over her shoulder to check on Kendra.

Her assistant was busy disinfecting all the tables. Kendra had her eyes closed and her ear-buds in as she wiped. Alex suspected this was a deliberate move on Kendra's part. She hadn't been thrilled with Alex assigning her to the cleanliness aspects of the chore list. It was Alex's opinion that Kendra, while relieved not to be in charge anymore, resented once again being told what to do. Kendra had probably relished the idea of no one telling her what to do or when or anyone scolding her when she messed up.

Alex was just sliding three copies of The Grim Grotto into their proper place when her cell-phone vibrated. She wondered if it might be Amy or Rory, but the Caller ID proved her wrong. She smiled broadly. "Leadworth Public Library, this is Alex, head librarian speaking. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, good. . ." the Doctor drawled. "I was hoping I would get the head librarian. It would be both a Crime and Punishment if I didn't."

Alex burst out laughing. "Oh my God!" she cackled. "How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

"Not as long as you're probably thinking." She could easily envision him smirking triumphantly. The image made her hearts beat a little faster. "In all seriousness, how's the first day back going? Is your assistant driving you crazy?"

Smile still fixed to her face, Alex shifted the phone to between her ear and shoulder and continued organizing the books. "So far, so good. There's a lot to do – my assistant was kinda slacking the past two weeks – but everything's almost tidied up. Kendra's doing great, too. She's cleaning tables as we speak." She looked over her shoulder. Kendra had her eyes open now, but she wasn't even looking at Alex. She was too busy bopping to her music as she half-heartedly scrubbed at a tabletop.

"That's good to hear. I would've called earlier, but I thought you might be too busy."

"If you call sanitizing the computer tables and re-shelving misplaced books while listening to Kendra gossip, then yes, I was busy."

The Doctor chuckled. "Glad I caught you at a good time then. How was dinner last night?"

Alex moved down the shelves until she was facing a row of messed up Dr. Seuss books. The books had been shoved in at random, multiple copies often several books away from each other, and none of them had been organized according to publishing date (which Alex was a huge stickler for). "The Ponds were like a pack of wild dogs," she reported, placing several copies of The Lorax in their proper place. "Ate almost everything."

"That's good. Have you gotten a chance to scan Amy yet?"

"Did last night at dinner. She didn't even realize as she was on her second ham sandwich." Alex glanced over her shoulder to make sure Kendra was still occupied before pulling her necklace out from under her shirt collar and examining the results. "She's in surprisingly good health. They did give her pre-natal vitamins and a bunch of other stuff. I think she's actually healthier than I was when you found me."

"Their priority was the baby," the Doctor said darkly. "Rassilon forbid it not be healthy."

"She is seriously low on vitamin D though. Not surprising, I guess. We were on that base for over nine months."

"You could get her some vitamin D pills but direct sunlight would be preferable."

"Gotcha. I'll get some pills on my way home and maybe I can convince her to go sunbathing with me later this week." Alex paused to grab several copies of The Cat in the Hat from where they had mistakenly been shelved between the Shel Silverstein books. "How's everything going with you? Any . . . leads?"

The Doctor sighed. "I've done a bit of digging. I've alerted the Shadow Proclamation to keep an eye out for Kovarian, but I don't think it will come to much. I've also been, er, questioning several of the soldiers the Judoon and Silurians took into custody on Demons Run."

You mean interrogating, Alex thought, but didn't say. She couldn't blame him. She'd be doing much the same if she were in his position or right there beside him. "And what'd you learn?"

"Not very much," he admitted. "Kovarian kept things very close to her chest. Only her surgeons and doctors knew the extent of her plans and they managed to vacate with her and Melody."

Alex bent down to check the E.B. White books. Amazingly, Charlotte's Web and The Trumpet of the Swan were in the right order. She straightened and asked, "Not even Colonel Manton?" During her two weeks with him, the Doctor had told her all about the colonel and his brand-new nickname. It had made her equal parts satisfied, amused, and worried as to the Doctor's state of mind at the time.

"Yes, I visited him in his cell."

Alex snorted. "Bet he was happy to see you."

"His expression did suggest a sudden loss of control of certain bodily functions," the Doctor said smugly. "But no. He didn't know much either. He was really brought in to keep the soldiers in line and focused on the mission."

"What the hell did he have against you anyway?"

"Apparently, his family was negatively affected by a civil war I helped orchestrate some years ago. He wanted revenge, plain and simple." He huffed and Alex knew he was rolling his eyes in exasperation. "I had to listen to him go on for twenty minutes about how ruined his family was thanks to my actions. His family and others like theirs were part of the worst slave trade in the universe!"

"I have no doubt," Alex said soothingly. She made her way to the Young Adult section and started re-straightening the Sarah Dessen's. "Was that the case for the rest of the people you talked to? Soldiers enlisting because they wanted revenge?"

"For the most part, yes. Several of the soldiers I talked to wasted no time in telling me just how I wronged them. There were also those in for the monetary gain."

Alex abruptly dropped a copy of Keeping the Moon. "They were paying them?!"

"You lot pay your military members, don't you? Yes, and rather extravagantly as it turns out. Not sure where the money was coming from. Presumably illegal activities or through private parties who also wanted to see my downfall." He let out a sigh. "Hearing some of the stories, I can't really blame some of them. A lot of those individuals came from very poor planets and joining Kovarian offered them a better life. This one chap I talked to, called himself the Thin One, said he and his husband only enlisted because their planet is one of the remaining few in that time period that doesn't condone homosexuality and discriminates those who practice it. They couldn't find a job there and then they heard Kovarian was recruiting, so they signed up."

Alex sighed. She felt a bit sorry for those people, too. She certainly didn't forgive them for helping kidnap her and Amy, trying to kill her boyfriend, and kidnapping her goddaughter, but she could understand their motives. They were just trying to survive. Except for Lorna, she recalled.

"Were there any others like Lorna?" She crouched down until she was eye-level with the John Green shelf. She tucked a copy of Looking for Alaska back into the slot before An Abundance of Katherines as she waited for the Doctor's answer.

"I'm afraid not." Going by the sound of his voice, he wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Alex wasn't sure either. She struggled to think of something – anything – to say. She was just about to try and change the subject when a voice said, "Alex, I thought you said personal calls at work weren't allowed!"

Gritting her teeth, Alex slowly turned around. Kendra was standing there, disinfectant wipe in hand, staring at her, her face expressing both annoyance and curiosity.

"Yes. . ." In truth, she'd made up the rule specifically for Kendra after her phone calls with her boyfriend extended past the ten-minute mark. "Well, this was just a one-time thing. A friend and I were discussing a particular problem we share."

"Uh oh," the Doctor said. Alex just knew he was smirking. "Get in trouble?"

"Unfortunately." If looks could kill, Kendra would have been not just dead, but dead and buried. "Can I call you later?"

"Of course, Ally. See you then."

Alex swallowed back the 'I love you' on the tip of her tongue. "See you," she said quietly.

She hadn't even put her phone in her pocket when Kendra started jabbering. "Blimey, who was that? You never talk that long on the phone with Amy and Rory. Was it your boyfriend? That Doctor bloke? It must've been someone special 'cause I've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes and you're totes oblivious and what did you mean with that 'what did they have against you' and paying talk?" Kendra suddenly gasped. "You're not like, mixed up in something illegal, are you?" She actually sounded excited at the prospect. "'Cause that would be, like, insane. Is your Doctor on the run from the mob and can't come be with you? 'Cause that's so tragic and romantic—"

"What is it that you wanted?!" Alex shouted.

Kendra blinked at the interruption but answered anyways. "I was gonna ask if you want me to pick up lunch on my way back from my break. I'm going down to the café."

"No thanks, I brought lunch." Alex glanced at the clock. "Be back in an hour."

Kendra nodded. "Gotcha. Hopefully Mr. Temple's there. I can bring you back the gossip on him and Elsie!"

As she skipped to the desk and grabbed her tote bag, Alex muttered, "I'm looking forward to it."

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

Closing time couldn't come soon enough. After lunch, the library became busy. Several people stopped by to welcome Alex back, a bunch of school-kids came in to check out books, while the sixth-formers came to work on end-of-the-year projects and study for their A-Levels. As much as Alex loved school, she was rather grateful that she never had to study for GCSE's or A-Levels, both of which sounded far harder and more complex than the ACT. The sudden crowd kept both her and Kendra busy, checking in and checking out books, finding books for desperate students and, in the case of Audrey Oates, talking her out of a nervous breakdown as she scrambled to finish her end-of-the-year book report that was due in two days but only about 10% finished.

As Alex got out of her car, she was reminded of Amy and Rory. She hadn't heard from them all day. Nor had she bothered to check in. She winced and resolved to do so on her lunch break tomorrow.

The downstairs appeared just as it had this morning with the exception of some cutlery in the sink. At some point today, Amy and Rory had eaten. That was promising.

Alex shook off her blazer and hung it from a kitchen chair. "Ponds!" she called as she hung her purse on another chair. "I'm home!"

There came a thumping from the stairs. A moment later, Amy appeared. She was dressed in a pair of leggings and a dark blue t-shirt. It wasn't pajamas; also promising.

"Hi!" She grasped Alex in a tight hug. "Rory's in his office. Not sure what he's doing."

Since Amy was still hugging her, she didn't see the anxious look that passed over Alex's face. She had poured out the Scotch, but it was entirely possible Rory had merely gone out and bought more. She arranged her features in a neutral smile as she pulled back. "Ah, I see. No worries."

Amy plopped down at the kitchen table. "How was work? Did Kendra drive you nuts?"

"No more than usual." Alex started rooting through the refrigerator. "She actually said she was glad as I was back, though she probably took that back when I made her clean."

Amy rolled her eyes. "That girl is a total pig. I went to a sleepover at her house once. Her room looked like a tornado ran through it, followed by a pack of wildebeests. I swear I saw a pizza box under her bed move."

Alex wrinkled her nose. "Please, Ames, I'm trying to make dinner here. Hey, how about salmon?"

"You hate salmon."

"I can eat something else!" Alex set the salmon on the counter and resumed rooting through the fridge. "I bought a couple of those Marie Callender's lasagnas yesterday. I'll just eat one of those."

"I like lasagna, too. So does Rory. Let's just eat that."

Alex pulled out a box of frozen lasagna. "I really think you should eat the salmon," she insisted as she looked for what temperature to put the oven on. "It's good for you. Plus, it's loaded with vitamin D."

Amy's expression started to turn a touch suspicious. Alex did her best to ignore it as she pre-heated the oven and pulled out her phone to Google how to cook salmon. "Where'd you learn that?" Amy asked.

Alex glanced up from her Blackberry. "Learn what?"

"That salmon's loaded with vitamin D."

"Oh, that." Alex shifted from one foot to the other. Her spine ever so slightly stiffened. Amy's eyes narrowed at the move. It was one of three tells Alex gave when she was deliberately concealing something. "I Googled it."

"Why did you Google it?"

Now, Alex's eyes briefly met hers before quickly focusing back on the Blackberry. "I dunno. Must've been for a project in school. I guess it just stuck with me, is all."

Amy had no doubt Alex had Googled the information, but it definitely hadn't been for a project in school she couldn't remember. Alex remembered all of her school projects, especially the ones she'd done well on. She had her A++ report on the political themes in Alice in Wonderland framed and hanging in her bedroom, for God's sake.

Normally, Alex hiding something from her wouldn't infuriate Amy so much. Maybe it was the still out of control hormones, but she was suddenly pissed. "Cut the bullshit, Alex!" she snapped.

Alex jumped and nearly dropped her phone. She stared into her friend's narrowed eyes.

"Out with it, Alex!" Amy exclaimed. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know you're lying about why you know so much about vitamin D rich foods, so just tell me!"

Alex swallowed heavily but complied. "I scanned you last night during dinner. Your vitamin D levels are low." She went to her purse, a simple black shoulder bag, and pulled out a bottle of pills. "Here, I stopped at the chemist's and got you this. It's not prescription, but it's better than nothing."

Amy opened the bottle and took out one pill. She held it to the light and examined it for a moment. Ultimately, she put it back in the bottle. "Why did you scan me?" she asked. Thankfully, her voice was a touch less sharp this time.

"It came to my attention that at. . ." Alex took a deep breath before uttering the words. ". . .Demons Run that Kovarian may not have been giving you pre-natal vitamins and such."

Amy tensed. The thought honestly hadn't occurred to her. "And?" she asked, somewhat shrilly.

Alex held up a hand. "Calm down, Ames, you're fine. You're in better shape than I was." Amy scrutinized Alex's appearance, taking note of her lightly tanned skin and the weight she'd put back on. "The only thing we need to worry about is your vitamin D. It's pretty low."

"Not surprising," Amy grimaced. "Considering I spent nine months in a big white tube."

Alex blinked. "A white tube?"

"Never mind."

Alex dropped the subject but resolved to press Amy about it later. "Anyway, after seeing those results, I decided to get the pills and look up some foods with a lot of vitamin D." She gestured at the fish. "Like salmon."

Amy rolled the pill bottle between her hands. "I see. Did he tell you to get the pills?"

Alex stiffened. There was no mistaking who he referred to. "He . . . suggested it," she said slowly.

Amy nodded, her lips slightly pursed. "I figured. You're still talking to him?"

"Yes." Alex eyed Amy warily as she asked, "Does that bother you?"

"Why should it?" Amy shrugged. "I'm not talking to him."

True, Alex thought, but she refused to say this aloud. She couldn't think of any response that didn't sound snarky or judgmental. Nor could she think of a subtle way to switch the conversation to a less emotionally fraught topic.

Fortunately, distraction came in the form of Rory. There came a clomping down the stairs and a moment later, he shuffled into the room. Alex was displeased to note that he was still in pajamas and a bathrobe. He clearly hadn't showered today either; the scruff he was sporting made that obvious. "Hey," he greeted. "Alex, you're back. How was work?"

"It was fine. I'm making salmon for dinner."

Rory frowned. "You hate fish."

"It's for me and you," Amy clarified. "Apparently, I have low vitamin D from—" She cut herself off.

Alex busied herself with preparing to put the lasagna in the now heated oven. But as she bent down to put the pan in, her brow furrowed. Have Amy and Rory not talked about Demons Run? With what she had witnessed the past two days, it made a sad sort of sense. They clearly hadn't been spending time together, even while cooped up in the same house. They were both dealing with the tragedy separately and that wasn't healthy. Married couples had to go through stuff together, not shove the other away.

There was a tense silence. Just as Alex was about to rise to her feet and break it, Rory said, "You've got low vitamin D?" To Alex's relief, he sounded really concerned. She inched up a little to see over the counter. She was just in time to see Rory wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulders. "Are you okay? Do you feel weird or—"

"I'm fine," Amy insisted. "I mean, I feel a bit tired, but Alex got me pills—"

"Lemme see them." Rory examined the pill bottle for a moment, then shook his head. "These are generic. If your vitamin D is as low as I think it is, you need to be taking a prescription."

"I don't want to go to the hospital!" Amy cried. She sounded terrified at the very thought. Not that Alex blamed her. After what she'd been through at Demons Run, Amy would probably have a fear of hospitals for the rest of her life. Not to mention, but she really didn't need to be going to a hospital right now. She had given birth just a few weeks ago. While Amy didn't look it (she actually looked like she'd never been pregnant at all), there would still be some signs a medical professional would immediately notice. The last thing any of them needed were the people of Leadworth asking nosy questions.

"You won't have to," Rory said soothingly. "I'll get Ricky to put in the prescription. Alex can pick it up tomorrow." He turned to Alex. "Would you mind, Alex?"

Alex straightened to her full height and nodded. "Yeah, no problem."

For the first time in two days, Rory smiled. "Thanks, Alex. Don't what we'd do without you."

Amy offered a timid smile of her own. "Probably starve to death."

Alex tried to smile as well, but it came off rather forced so she quickly dropped it. "Which you will do if you don't let me fix dinner."

"Do you even know how to cook salmon?" Rory asked.

"No, but I found a video on YouTube—"

Rory held up his hand. "Let me stop you right there. I'll cook, because I actually know how to make it. Besides, I really don't want to explain to the rental agency just how you destroyed the kitchen."

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

"It's just awful!" Alex bemoaned later that night. It was a little past eleven o'clock. Amy and Rory had long since gone to bed. Alex, however, wasn't the slightest bit tired. She was currently sprawled out on the living room couch with the TV muted on the eleven o'clock BBC One news. She'd listened to it for about five minutes before finally succumbing to the urge to call the Doctor.

"I mean," she continued, "they haven't seemed to talk to each-other about what happened, about Melody/River, any of it."

The Doctor let out a long sigh. "Not unnatural, I suppose. They're probably not ready to face what happened."

"Still," Alex persisted, "it's not healthy." She gave a sigh of her own and nestled further back into the couch cushions. "I mean, if they don't talk about this, they'll never talk about any issues they face, big or small!"

The Doctor chuckled. "You sound like Dr. Phil."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, Doc!"

"I know you are, love. But you've got to let the Ponds work this out on their own, like other normal couples do. Or, at least, I assume that's what other normal couples do."

"That's true. But, Doc, do you know how long it took me to get Amy and Rory together, much less married? They suck at communicating their feelings, especially with each-other. They've gotten better, but for a long time it was a problem. Amy had no idea Rory even had a crush on her. She thought he was gay!" She rolled her eyes again when the Doctor dissolved into laughter. "Oh, shut up, it's not that funny." After a few seconds, her mouth started to twitch. "Okay, maybe it's a little funny."

"Bloody hilarious, actually," he wheezed. He continued to snigger for a few moments before finally taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Okay, I'm back. What were we talking about?"

"About how Amy and Rory suck at communicating with each-other. It was pretty much up to me to get them talking with each-other about themselves and their feelings, their hopes, fears, desires, all that. Now it looks like I'm gonna have to do that again."

"Are you sure about that, Ally? I mean, if what you say is true, maybe the Ponds should work on communicating with each-other by themselves. You're certainly not their maid, nor their therapist, nor should you be acting like it."

"I know," Alex said softly. "But, Doc, I just can't stand idly by while my friends are hurting. If there's any way I can help them, I'm gonna do it."

He sighed. "Okay, Ally. I trust that you know what you're doing."

"I do. Now can we talk about something else? Something happier perhaps?"

"Of course, love," he chuckled. "How was the rest of your first day back?"

Alex was surprised at how much they had to talk about. She told him about the rest of her workday, how Kendra was surprisingly helpful at locating books (why she couldn't shelve them properly Alex had no idea), and diverting Audrey's break-down. The conversation veered onto their own memories of procrastinating school projects. Alex had been loath to put off doing a project, but she admitted to waiting until the second to last week of freshman year to start a journal she was supposed to be keeping year-round for her English class. The Doctor, unsurprisingly, had consistently put off school-work if he could help it and fondly regaled her with all the bad grades he got as a result.

"I'm afraid you're involved with quite the slacker, Ally girl," he teased.

Alex giggled. "Not on the important stuff, Doc."

They eventually moved on to current events (where the Doctor learned that he should never get Alex started on U.S. politics), the books they were reading, even the Leadworth gossip Kendra had related (to which the Doctor was forced to admit that Leadworth wasn't as dull as it seemed). Alex was amazed at how easily the conversation flowed. She felt like she could talk to the Doctor for hours and never run out of things to say. She'd only ever experienced this before with Lacey, Ross, then Amy and Rory. She had a lot of friends, but there were only a few people that she could really connect to on this level.

Alex took a quick glance at her watch. She jerked in surprise. "Oh my god! It's 1:45!" She glanced at the TV. Instead of the news, it was now muted on a sports show she'd never heard of. Probably because it only came on in the middle of the night.

"Is it? Guess I'd better let you get to bed."

Alex grimaced. Even though it was almost two o'clock in the morning, she wasn't tired. Not much, anyway. "That'll be easier said than done."

"Ah. Not sleeping as much anymore?"

"This morning, I was up before dawn." She sighed. "It's gonna get worse, isn't it?"

"Soon, you'll only need a couple hours a week." When he spoke again, his tone was gentle, soothing. "It'll be better once you're back on the TARDIS, Ally. Then you can come along with me. Or we'll stay in the auditorium and watch those flick-chicks you love so much."

"It's chick-flicks, Doctor," Alex giggled, "but thanks." She paused, wondering if she should say what she really wanted to. She desperately wanted to express her love for him, but she didn't want to scare him off either.

She realized she had been silent for a while when she heard him calling her name. "Ally? Ally? You still there?"

Alex swallowed, the words going back down her throat. "Yeah, I'm here, Doc."

"Ah, good. I miss you, love."

She smiled. "I miss you too, Doc. Night."

"Goodnight."

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

May 15th, 2011

The rest of the week went much the same way. Alex woke up insanely early, read until a more decent hour, then got ready for work. When she left, Amy and Rory were still upstairs. She dealt with Kendra and library responsibilities for eight hours a day, then went home to prepare dinner for herself and the Ponds.

At some point during the day, she or the Doctor would call each-other. Not a day went by where they didn't speak at least once. Sometimes the conversations were brief, merely serving to update each-other on what they were doing. Other times they were long and meandering, bouncing from topic to topic. Alex loved these latter talks. She loved hearing the Doctor express his opinions on things, listening to the stories he'd tell, and his complaints and frustrations over things, like his inability to track Kovarian and Melody down, or that the book he was reading had grossly inaccurate facts regarding black holes.

At the same time, she also loved that she could talk to him about anything. Whether it was regarding Amy or Rory, Kendra's antics at the library, American politics, or gushing over Michael Douglas as she watched The American President, he always listened and offered his input, jokes, or, in the case of the latter, mutters about how much plastic surgery Hollywood stars got.

The only problem with these conversations was that they weren't curbing Alex's desire to express her love for him. Actually, they only served to increase it. The deeper they connected on an intellectual level, the deeper the emotional level became. At least on her end. Alex hoped that he felt it on his end. She didn't know what she'd do if he didn't.

Alex knew what she should do. She should just man up and tell him she loved him. All the magazines she'd consulted said the same thing: don't be afraid to take the initiative. If he doesn't love you, then it's his loss and you're better off. But Alex also knew that she could never be better off without the Doctor. He hadn't just made her fall in love with him. He'd exposed her to brand new wonders and a whole different way of living. She could never go back to normal forever after experiencing that. Nor could she feasibly see herself living a life without him in it.

Besides, she wanted to take things slow. That's what she had promised herself she'd do, at least with the physical side of things. Then again, before Amy called, they'd come very close to getting very physical. Maybe doing things slow with the Doctor wasn't a valid option. But how would he react to her telling him she loved him? Would he think things were moving too fast? Would he say, 'it's about time'? Just gape incoherently at her for God knows how long?

"Alex? Alex? You there?" A hand waved itself in front of her face and Alex blinked.

"Oh, God," she muttered. Louder, she said, "Sorry, Ames. I was a million miles away."

Amy snorted. "Yeah, I could tell." She flopped back against the blanket and studied her friend carefully. "What're you thinking about so intently?"

Alex sighed. "It's not important, Amy. Don't worry about it."

"Somehow I doubt that," Amy remarked, but she let the matter drop. Whatever Alex was concealing this time, it was something that involved Alex herself. For that, Amy would let her ponder it privately a little longer.

It was Sunday afternoon and the two were lying on a blanket on the main green, or what passed as Leadworth's public park. It was a nice, sunny day, perfect for being outside and sunbathing. Both girls had dressed for the occasion, Amy in a red tank top, cutoff shorts, and red Keds, and Alex in a white t-shirt, black shorts, white Converse sneakers, and a black and gold watch around her wrist.

Several residents had had the same idea and were dressed in similar clothing. Blankets packed with individuals, couples, and families surrounded the girls. The air was filled with the sounds of chatter and laughter and someone's portable radio playing LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem, which had dominated the charts for weeks.

It had been Alex's idea for her and Amy to get out of the house. Rory had started work at the hospital again and Alex hated the idea of Amy wandering the place all alone. Today, Alex had declared, would be a girls' day. They'd go out to breakfast, go sunbathing in the park, get mani-pedi's, and overall, just enjoy themselves.

Amy had been a bit wary, worrying people would ask about their trip to America, but she quickly found that her worrying had been for naught. Apparently, Mrs. Temple had caught her husband and Elsie Margraves doing the horizontal tango (on her dining room table, no less) and it was all anyone could talk about. Alex and Amy had gotten all the details during breakfast at the café (from which Elsie was conspicuously absent), heard all the theories surrounding what would happen next from the ladies at the beauty parlor, and were now listening to everyone's opinions on the scandal.

"Honestly, Judith, I'm not in the least bit surprised," a woman on the blanket next to Amy and Alex's remarked. "Elsie's just like her mother and you know what that woman did every time her husband turned his back!"

"Why the hell would Elsie want to shag Temple, anyway?" This came from a male sixth-former sitting with his friends just a blanket away. "He's old!"

Audrey Oates snorted. "Yeah, he's probably gotta pop a pill ten minutes before!"

"Disgraceful, the way the younger generation acts nowadays," an elderly woman in a lawn chair remarked to her companion. They were sitting right behind Amy and Alex. "They ought to be ashamed of themselves!"

The other woman nodded sagely. "You're right, Martha. No self-respect or moral code anymore!"

Amy glanced at the women. She leaned in close to Alex to whisper, "Do we not have any self-respect or a moral code anymore?"

Alex lowered her oversized white sunglasses to meet her eyes. "Would two self-respecting young women with a moral code go off traveling with a man they'd only just met?"

Amy smirked. "Probably not." She suddenly frowned. "Hey, that's the first time I've heard you mention the Doctor in days."

"That's the first time I've heard you say his name in a week."

Amy shifted uncomfortably. "Touché."

She tried to focus on just how good a day it had been so far. She and Alex had gone to the café and listened to the local gossip while they ate way too many pancakes. They'd gotten their nails done at the beauty parlor (a deep navy blue for Alex and a bright red for Amy), and they were now sunbathing, something Amy suspected Alex had suggested to strengthen her vitamin D levels. They'd talked and laughed, mainly about Elsie Margraves, and it was nice.

Yet there was something off about it, too. Amy's brow furrowed in thought. She and Alex had talked, but it was always about light, amusing subjects. Not to say they didn't talk about light subjects often, but today it felt a bit . . . forced. Actually, it had been that way for a while, ever since the Doctor dropped Alex off.

She knew why it felt that way. They were deliberately avoiding the recent events at Demons Run. At least, they had been. When Alex mentioned the Doctor, and when Amy herself said his name, the elephant in the room had trumpeted.

Maybe it's time to address that elephant, Amy mused. She didn't think she was ready though. Then again, would she ever be ready to discuss what happened?

She took a deep breath as she readied herself. "Hey, Alex?" she said, and she winced at how her voice shook. "Are . . . are you still talking to the . . . the Doctor?"

Alex's whole body shot upwards. She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head, exposing wide, copper-colored eyes. "Well, yes," she admitted. Her cheeks turned slightly red.

Amy frowned. "You don't have to be ashamed about it."

"I'm not," Alex said with a shake of her head. "It's just, I. . ." She shook her head again. "Why'd you say I shouldn't be ashamed about it?"

"Because you two are a couple and I know how that is. Remember before Rory and I were married? We couldn't go a day without talking to each-other, sometimes twice." She paused, her gaze turning sorrowful.

"You've not been like that recently." It wasn't a question.

"Not what we're talking about," Amy mumbled.

Alex sighed and got to her feet. She grabbed her shoulder bag. "I'm gonna go get some ice cream from Michael," she nodded across the green to the ice cream van, "and then when I get back, we're gonna discuss everything. It's high past time we did."

Amy bit back the urge to argue. Alex was right, as much as she hated to admit it. "Get me a ninety-nine? With a chocolate twist?"

Alex smiled. "Of course."

A few minutes later, Amy was licking her vanilla ninety-nine cone and Alex was eagerly digging into her two scoops of vanilla in a cup. Amy took a bite of the chocolate twist and hummed contentedly. "You know," she remarked through a long lick, "this was a good idea you had."

Alex smirked around a spoonful. "Ice cream always helps, whether it's heartbreak, plain sadness, or getting through a difficult conversation." She fixed Amy with a hard, yet somehow sympathetic look. "Ames, I know it's hard to think on it. Remember, I was there."

Amy turned her gaze to her cone. "Yeah, I know. But it's. . ." She groaned, her head falling back in frustration. When she lifted it back up, there were tears in her eyes. "I hate talking about what happened. It's just . . . it was so awful, and I was so scared every day."

She blinked rapidly and turned to meet Alex's gaze. "Y'know, the moment I gave birth to Melody, I thought they were gonna kill me? Because I knew they wanted her. I didn't know why at first, and I didn't know about the whole Time Lord DNA thing until Mel— . . . River told us, but I could tell that she was special." She let out a wry snort. "Mother's intuition, I guess. I thought that since my job of carrying her and giving birth to her was over, they would kill me."

Alex bit her lip. "The Doctor told me he was worried about that, too." During her two weeks recovering on the TARDIS, they hadn't talked much about what had occurred during his and Rory's search for them, but the Doctor did reveal the worries he never allowed himself to express to Rory. One of those included Amy being killed as soon as Melody was born.

Amy's eyes were wide. "He did?"

"He told me he didn't even tell Rory. Didn't want to scare him half to death." Alex set her cup down and placed her hand on Amy's shoulder. "But they didn't do that, Amy. I know it doesn't erase that fear, but they didn't do that."

"Right." A lone tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Amy wiped it away. "Probably too afraid of what the Doctor might do."

"He told me that if they had killed you, he would've blown up the base." At Amy's gasp, Alex nodded. "I was shocked, too. But you know what? I would've helped him. It would've served them right, burning to death."

"They should still burn to death," Amy hissed. She blinked and sighed. "I guess I shouldn't say that."

"There's nothing wrong thinking like that, Amy," Alex said gently. She rubbed her friend's shoulder soothingly. "Hell, I'd be surprised if you weren't thinking that. Every mother wants the person who hurts or tries to hurt their child to die slowly and painfully. They would pull the trigger themselves, given the opportunity."

"I don't think the Doctor would approve."

Alex shifted closer and wrapped her arm around Amy's shoulder. "You forget, Ames," she said softly, "he was a parent, too. I think he'd understand that feeling, the desire to destroy anything that threatens your child." She hesitated before adding, "Maybe you should talk to him about that."

"I dunno if I can," Amy whispered. She took a lick of cone, even though she was no longer hungry.

"Do you still blame him for what happened?"

Amy sniffled. "If only it were that easy." She lapsed into silence for a few moments, considering what she wanted to say next. "No," she whispered, "I don't blame him. I mean, no one knew. Kovarian," she grimaced at the name, "was just too damn good."

Alex scowled. "That she was." She took another spoonful of ice cream as though to erase the memory of Kovarian's intelligence.

"It was just . . . it was easier to blame him."

Alex nodded, having expected this explanation. "Easier to blame someone who's right there than someone who's AWOL."

Amy raised an eyebrow at her. "How do you know all this stuff? I swear, you sound like Dr. Phil."

"That's exactly what the Doctor said."

Amy chuckled, but it was a very brief one. She took another bite of her chocolate twist, more out of habit than anything else.

Alex waited a few moments before asking her next question. "Amy, do you blame yourself?"

Amy swallowed thickly and looked in the other direction.

"Ames," Alex sighed. "You can't blame yourself."

"Yes, I can!" Amy snapped. Her shout garnered some stares in their direction and Amy flinched. She waited until everyone turned away before hissing, "I should've known Melody was Flesh. I saw the Flesh in its natural state, and I should've realized something wasn't right with her!" Tears started streaming down her cheeks. "How could I not know my own baby, Alex?" she whispered. "How did I not know? Am I a horrible mother?"

"You are not!" Alex cried. She ignored the stares coming their way again, cupping Amy's chin so her friend was forced to look directly at her. "Amelia, listen to me and listen good. The Flesh was a very advanced material that could perfectly replicate living organisms. Heartbeat, bodily functions, everything. We had no idea there was anything wrong with us, that we were Flesh, until reality started bleeding through."

"But I still should've noticed," Amy insisted.

"How could you have, Amy? How often did you get to see Melody?"

Amy thought back. "Right after she was born, I got a quick glimpse of her before they did the afterbirth. Then they let me nurse her." She bit back a sob. "That was the only time I got to nurse her. They did something after that, collected all the milk I was producing, and gave it to her in a bottle. After that, I saw her, at most, maybe for half an hour every day."

Alex's jaw clenched. God, she hoped the Doctor found Madame Kovarian. The woman deserved more than attempted strangulation.

She forced herself to calm down, counting down from twenty. Once she hit 'eleven', her whole demeanor relaxed. "That was horrid of her," she murmured. "And she probably did that on purpose, to make it that much more difficult for you to know exactly what she looked like, and you'd have a terrible time of identifying her when the time came." She released Amy's chin and cupped her cheek. "You see, Amelia? It wasn't your fault."

Amy started to shake her head. "But—"

"What if the Doctor and I realized sooner that you and I were Gangers? What if he and Rory found us before you gave birth? What if the Doctor and I pressed you harder when you thought you were pregnant? What if one of us scanned Melody with the sonics the moment we found her?" Alex let out a long, heavy sigh. "There are a lot of 'what if's', Amy. Plenty of them to toss around the blame."

"Yes," Amy said slowly, considering this. "That's true."

"But, at the end of the day, the person who's at fault is Kovarian and any and all people associated with her." Alex pursed her lips. "And she'll pay for it, Amy. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, she will pay for it."

Much to her relief, Amy offered her a watery smile. "I hope so."

For a while, they sat in silence, finishing off their ice cream. Just as Alex put the last spoonful of vanilla in her mouth, something occurred to her. "Is that why you haven't been talking to Rory lately? And don't tell me you haven't, Amelia," she said hastily when Amy opened her mouth to say just that. "Remember, I live in the same house as you two. It's impossible not to notice these things."

Amy tugged at a loose string on her cutoffs. "I . . . I. . ."

Alex asked her next question as gently as possible. "Is it because you blame yourself? Or because you think he blames you for what happened?"

"Did he say something to you?!" Amy asked frantically.

"What? No! Ames, he's not said anything about Demons Run to me."

Amy relaxed, though not by much. "Oh."

Alex leaned back on her palms. As she gazed up at the clear blue sky, she said, "Amy, you and Rory really need to talk. I highly doubt he blames you for Melody being taken. If anything, he probably blames himself."

"But, but, it's not his fault!" Amy's wide eyes indicated that she hadn't considered this possibility. "H-he tried to save Melody!"

"Yes." Alex stared into Amy's eyes. "But have you told him that?"

Amy's gaze drifted to her lap. "No."

"You really should tell him that. The sooner the better."

Amy was silent for a few minutes as she considered this. Finally, she nodded firmly. "I will," she said, with no small amount of resolution. "Tonight, as soon as he gets home from his shift."

Alex's lips quirked into a dazzling grin. "Excellent!"

Amy chuckled. "Now can we please talk about something else?" she asked, rubbing at her still slightly wet eyes. "Something happier, perhaps?"

"Deal." Alex rummaged through her purse and pulled out a pale pink lip-balm. "What do you wanna talk about?" she asked as she applied it to her lips.

Amy's expression became rather mischievous. "Oh, I dunno. . . Maybe what you were thinking so intently about earlier?"

Alex rolled her eyes. She should have known that Amy wouldn't forget that.

"Unless it's not happy?" Amy continued. "Or you really don't want to talk about it."

"No, no," Alex sighed, shaking her head. "It's not sad. Well, it's a little sad, but not much. And . . . and I kinda would like to talk about it, I think."

Amy straightened to attention. "Okay. What is it?"

Alex lowered herself so that she was lying on the blanket. Amy copied her. "Well, it involves the Doctor."

"Okay. . ."

"You know that we've been talking to each-other on the phone every-day. And. . ." Alex squirmed. She wasn't used to talking about her feelings, especially her romantic ones. Mostly because, until recently, she had never had any.

Alex was jarred out of her discomfort by Amy grasping her hand. "It's okay, Alex," she murmured. "I think I know what this is about, anyway."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Remember that night you told me you were in love with the Doctor?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah."

"I remember looking at you that night and seeing how terrified you were about it. Not that you were in love with him, but the feelings that he stirred within you. You were so overwhelmed by it all."

Alex didn't bother to deny it. Up until that point, never in her life had she felt anything like what she felt around and for the Doctor. Her adrenaline had never spiked in someone's presence, her heart never pounded at the mere thought of someone. . . It was all so strange to someone who had read about those things in books but never experienced them firsthand.

Amy continued, saying gently, "You didn't say it at the time, but I could tell that you had never felt even half of what you felt for the Doctor before."

Alex nibbled her lip, tasting the slight watermelon flavor of her lip balm. "No, I never had. When I was younger, I used to think there was something wrong with me because I never felt in love with anyone. I said the words, but I never meant them."

"Now let me guess. That night, you were pretty determined not to tell him you loved him. You wanted to get away from him before you, and I quote, 'did something foolish'. But now. . ."

"Now I want to," Alex finished. She let out a deep, shuddering breath. Suddenly, she felt ten pounds lighter.

Amy smiled, almost rivaling Alex's beam from a few minutes ago. "That's great, Alex! Can I just ask what made you change your mind?"

"Through our conversations, we've been connecting on a deeper level."

Amy grimaced. "You're not sending each other dirty pictures, are you?"

"Amelia!" Alex rolled her eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter! I meant on an intellectual level."

"Ah. I should've guessed. Intelligence is a big thing with you."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Alex said dryly. "And the deeper we connect intellectually, the deeper the emotional level becomes." She squirmed. "At least on my end."

"You don't think it's the same with him?"

"How should I know? I've got an advanced mind, Amy, but I'm not psychic."

"Okay, okay, so, because of that, you don't know if you should tell him you love him or not?"

Alex threw her hand up in the air. "Exactly!" She let her hand fall to her chest. After a moment, her fingers started fiddling with the TARDIS charm on her necklace. "I know I should just tell him, but what if he doesn't feel the same way as I do? What if it scares him off? I . . . I don't know if I could survive that."

Amy recognized the severity in her words, as well as how truthful they were. Alex wasn't a bad person, but she became so much better in the Doctor's presence. The girl who had to grow up too quickly was allowed to be lighter, carefree. She could laugh and giggle more, and all of it was due to a madcap alien in a bowtie.

"Alex," she said seriously, knowing that since she didn't do it often, Alex would pay attention. "I'm gonna tell you what I told you that night when you thought the Doctor didn't love you. I've seen the way he looks at you. He always looks to you first before me and Rory, his eyes light up when you walk into the room, he keeps you attached to his side all the time like he's afraid you'll disappear if he doesn't, he's always holding your hand, he tells you stuff he has never nor will ever tell me or Rory.

"Now, here's some new stuff. I've watched you two ever since you officially got together and trust me, he's got it bad for you. You two can barely keep your hands off each-other. If another guy so much as looks at you, his possessiveness immediately kicks in. He'll do anything to make you happy. After your first date got ruined by that Weeping Angel, he made sure to make it up to you right after. He doesn't flirt half as much as he used to, and I know you had something to do with that. Plus," Amy's gaze turned soft, "he was so incredibly protective and caring towards you when you were having those awful pain attacks."

Amy smiled. "Now what kind of man, even an alien one, would do all that if he didn't love you?"

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

Later that night, Alex was still thinking over Amy's words. After that conversation, Amy had sensed that Alex needed some time to collect her thoughts, so she thoughtfully changed the subject to what movie they would watch tonight over dinner. They'd settled on 10 Things I Hate About You. Alex enjoyed it because of its connection to Shakespeare. Amy enjoyed it because of Heath Ledger.

The film had gotten them through their takeout dinner of baked spaghetti from the local Italian place and until the late hour when Rory got home. The moment he came through the door, Amy bounced up and promptly dragged him upstairs. About a half hour later, Alex heard a bunch of giggling and the tell-tale sound of a bedframe rattling.

Less than ten seconds later, she was listening to her iPod at full blast.

Since she'd put her ear-buds in, she'd only been listening to one song: E.T. by Katy Perry. It had come out just a few months ago and upon hearing it for the first time, Alex had immediately downloaded it. It was a pretty good song, but it was the lyrics themselves that appealed to her.

They say be afraid. You're not like the others, futuristic lover. Different DNA, they don't understand you. You're from a whole other world, a different dimension. You open my eyes, and I'm ready to go, lead me into the light.

Somehow, Katy Perry had managed to capture Alex's view of the Doctor perfectly. Alex knew she couldn't understand the Doctor 100%, but she did understand him more than anyone else ever had. He had also opened her eyes to a whole new world and way of living, and Alex knew she would follow him blindly, accepting any and everything that came their way.

Alex closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch cushions. Amy's words had made complete and total sense, and she could see the truth in them. Still, there was that little persistent doubt niggling in the back of her mind.

It was all so much to risk. What if she and Amy were wrong?

She sighed and slowly opened her eyes again. She peered around the darkened living room. The sky outside was pitch black, the stars only just starting to emerge. The only light came from the muted TV, currently playing the eleven o'clock news.

Alex risked pulling out an ear-bud. Not a sound except for the crickets chirping outside. Alex switched off her iPod, heaving a sigh of relief as she did so. Amy and Rory no longer seemed to be celebrating their renewed connection, which was just fine with Alex. She had no desire to blast music into her ears for half the night.

She unmuted the TV and flipped through the channels. After a few minutes of doing this, she finally settled on Channel 4. It was playing a rerun of Friends, specifically the episode where Monica and Richard meet and go on their first date. Also where Ross and Rachel have sex for the first time, but Alex didn't care about that. She'd never been a Ross and Rachel fan. Ross was too whiny and wishy-washy, in her opinion.

A few minutes into the episode, Alex heard someone coming down the stairs. Someone entered the kitchen and got something from the fridge. A moment later, Rory, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, came in. He was carrying a bottle of water.

"Hey, you still up?" he said before taking a long swig of water.

"Yeah, can't sleep." Alex hadn't yet revealed to the Ponds her new Time Lady status and wasn't about to do so now. She preferred to have that conversation with both of them at the same time and not directly after the Ponds had resolved their mild conflict.

Rory sat down beside her. For a while, they sat in silence, watching TV. Rory continued taking long swigs from his water bottle. After his third swig in a row, Alex smirked at him. "Amy wear you out?"

Rory blushed. "Erm, uh. . ."

Alex snickered. "You don't have to answer, Rory. It's pretty obvious anyway."

They lapsed into silence again and watched TV. At the part where Monica and Richard succumb to passion and kiss each-other in a full-on embrace, Rory said, "You know, I always liked those two together. Dunno why they had them break up."

"Me too," Alex admitted. "I mean, I like her and Chandler, but her and Richard was just. . . Well, I liked that it was an older man, younger woman couple. You don't see that a lot on TV."

Now it was Rory's turn to smirk. "And Tom Selleck playing Richard has nothing to do with it?"

Alex felt her cheeks burning. "Well . . . maybe that's a small part of it."

"Uh-huh," Rory grinned, nodding his head in satisfaction. He stayed silent until the scene where Rachel waits on Ross in the museum came on. "I never got those two as a couple."

"Oh, finally! Someone agrees with me!" Alex rolled her eyes. "None of my friends understand how I can possibly not like Ross and Rachel together. I swear, she should've ended up with Joey. They were so much better together."

"They really were. None of that on again, off again like Ross and Rachel. I don't get why people think that's healthy. In real life, it's just toxic. It shows that the people involved can't mature enough to make the relationship work."

Alex thought back to one on again, off again relationship she'd had in high school. The guy she'd been with was sweet, but he could never understand her aspirations. He hadn't been able to understand why she wanted to leave Bristol, why she wanted to go to a big university out of state and receive a high-quality education. He'd wanted her to give it all up for him and their relationship. "Yeah," she murmured. "Totally."

Rory sensed a story behind her words but decided not to push for it. "Not like your relationship with the Doctor, right?"

Alex frowned. Something was off here. "Right. . ."

"You two really care about each-other, you know?" He kept his eyes on the TV, now playing the episode's second to last scene where Ross and Rachel are discovered post-shag by a church youth group. "I swear, other than me and Amy, I've never seen two people care so much about the other."

Alex's eyes narrowed. Definitely something off here. "Amy blabbed, didn't she?"

Rory burst out laughing. "I've always liked that about you, Alex," he chuckled. "Cut straight through the bullshit."

"I aim to please. Now, as I was saying, Amy blabbed, didn't she?"

The channel went to commercial, and Rory turned to face her. His soft eyes dissolved any frustration or anger Alex felt towards Amy. "She means well, you know that."

"Yeah," Alex sighed. She flopped her head against the back of the cushion. "I know. So, you're, what? Coming down here to tell me I should tell him I love him?"

"Pretty much, yeah. But I also have a story to tell you, which might help you decide what to do."

"Oh?" Alex raised an eyebrow. "What story?"

Rory shifted positions so that he was now sitting facing her, his back pressed against the left armrest. "Did the Doctor ever tell you about those three weeks we spent looking for you and Amy?"

Alex shook her head. "No." With the exception over his worry about Amy possibly being killed once she gave birth to Melody, the Doctor hadn't divulged anything about those three weeks. Alex had been intensely curious, but whenever she tried to broach the subject, the Doctor became evasive, forcing her to back off. "What happened?"

Rory's gaze drifted up to the ceiling as he thought back to those three weeks. "After the Doctor deactivated the signal to you and Amy, you both melted into that white goop we saw back at the acid factory. The Doctor found your necklace in what used to be your ganger.

"I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. His face just kinda . . . grew dark. It was like a thundercloud. Then there was this loud roar. Took me a minute to realize it was him. He shouted at the TARDIS to clean up the mess and he stalked out of the room. I started to follow him, but I stopped when I heard a bunch of glass breaking."

Something that felt very much like a heavy stone settled in Alex's stomach. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing that she was hugging the Doctor instead.

"I was upset too, obviously, but the Doctor took it to a whole other level. In those early days, the TARDIS and I had to gang up on him a few times. The TARDIS would reroute all the corridors to the kitchen to make him eat and I would have to knock him out a few times with some drugs she gave me to make him sleep for a few hours. He went a whole week without sleep, at one point. He was all jittery and twitching. I think he even started hallucinating. He would say, 'Alex, flick that switch' or 'Stop distracting me, Ally', and you weren't there."

Alex shuddered. She suspected he'd experienced utter turmoil and distress, but she had no idea it had been that bad. No wonder he had avoided telling her about those weeks.

Seeing her shaking, Rory gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "I think me knocking him out did knock some sense into him though," he remarked with a bit of humor. "He finally realized he couldn't just go in guns blazing, metaphorically speaking. He had to think about it strategically, formulate a plan and get help."

"Was he better after that?" Alex asked. Please say yes, please say yes. . .

But Rory's expression indicated that she wasn't going to get the answer she was hoping for. "To a degree," he said slowly, considering his words. "I mean, he was fine with recruiting Jack and the rest of Torchwood, Captain Avery, Madame Vastra and Jenny, even Strax, but with everyone else he was kind of. . ."

"What?" Alex cried. "He was kind of what?!"

Rory struggled for the right word. "He was kind of . . . unbalanced. A bit mad. Like all the darker parts of him we never see were right at the surface and in control. The Shadow Proclamation initially didn't want to send the Judoon with him." Rory winced in memory. "He got right up in the Shadow Architect's face and in this very low voice, almost a hiss, he reminded her of every single time he helped the Shadow Proclamation and that if they didn't help, he would tear the place down brick by brick."

Alex sat there in complete silence. It wasn't hard to imagine the Doctor doing all those things. Actually, it was remarkably easy. She knew he had a dark side, seen glimpses of it before, and she knew it wouldn't take an awful lot to make his full dark side emerge and all but take over. Still, it was hard hearing about it, realizing that he had actually done all those things.

"Anything else?" she asked breathlessly.

"He blew up a whole Cyber-Legion as a message. And he nearly did the same to three other bases and a planet."

"Oh my God. . ." Alex closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. He was that bad?! What the hell? She couldn't believe it. "He was really that upset?" She opened her eyes and stared Rory down. "That . . . unhinged?"

"Yeah," Rory nodded. He stared her right in the eye, so she would know he was telling the truth. "Now, why would someone who didn't love you wear your necklace around his neck under his shirt to keep it safe? I know for a fact that he didn't take it off until after he located you and then he transferred it to the pocket directly over one of his hearts. Why would someone who didn't love you so much act so completely furious over your kidnapping and go near ballistic to try and get you back?"

Alex didn't hear Rory murmur that he was going back up to bed. She didn't feel him squeeze her shoulder in comfort or press a kiss to the top of her head, like any loving brother would do. Every single part of her was laser-focused on everything he had just revealed.

Why would, indeed.

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

May 16th, 2011

Alex barely slept that night. She dozed off on the couch around four and woke at a quarter to six. Physically, she felt refreshed and ready to take on the day. Mentally and emotionally however, she was walking through a fog. Her mind kept going over everything Amy and Rory had told her, scrutinizing every word and applying it to her situation.

To say it or not to say it, that is the question, Alex mused as she checked in a copy of Hamlet. She stared at the cover, showing an image of Hamlet contemplating Yorick's skull. Aloud, she murmured, "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?"

Hamlet may have been discussing death and suicide and whether or not to kill his uncle Claudius, but the words also correlated to the desire of whether or not to speak up about something. In short, they described Alex's situation perfectly.

"What's that you're mumbling, Alex?" a familiar voice spoke from beside her. "It's awful weird, whatever it is."

Alex bit back a groan. Slowly, she turned to face her assistant. "It's Shakespeare, Kendra. From Hamlet." She waved the book in Kendra's face. "Specifically, it's a part of the famous 'To be or not to be' soliloquy."

"Oh." Kendra nodded, but based on her expression, Alex guessed that she had never heard of the soliloquy before, much less Hamlet or William Shakespeare. How that was possible for a person who had been born and raised in England, Alex had no idea.

Alex sighed and set Hamlet on top of a stack of checked-in books. "Never mind, Kendra. What is it you want?"

Kendra pointed to the stack of books. "I was just wondering whether you were finished with those so I could go ahead and put them up."

Alex tried not to wince. Kendra still wasn't very good at putting books back in their proper place, no matter how many times Alex went over it. "No, that's okay. I'll handle it. Have you set up for story-time yet?"

Kendra's grimace answered that question. "Not yet."

"Then do that, will you? Archie and the kids will be here in. . ." She glanced at her watch. "Christ! In half an hour."

Kendra sauntered out from behind the desk and towards the back of the library where the children's reading room was located. "Oh, I forgot," she called over her shoulder. "Archie rang and said they might be a little late because of the weather." She gestured to one of the windows. Outside, the sky was almost black with thunderclouds and rain pelted against the glass.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Now you tell me?!" But Kendra, either not hearing her or just ignoring her, didn't reply.

Alex was kept busy for the next hour shelving books, dusting the shelves, and scolding Kendra for not sweeping the reading room like she was supposed to do this morning. It was quite a bit of work and Alex was glad for the distraction.

Further distraction came in the gaggle of first graders piling into the library at two on the dot. The children, all looking rather smart in their red and black school uniforms, walked in a single file line up to the front desk.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Locke!" they chorused.

Alex chuckled. "Good afternoon, kids. Have you all been learning exciting things today?"

"Mr. Alden taught us about volcanoes!" a little black-haired girl named Victoria Robins exclaimed. "Did you know, Ms. Locke, that when the red, hot stuff is inside a volcano, it's called magma, but when it's outside, it's called lava?"

"Really?" Alex widened her eyes. "I had no idea! Thank you for telling me, Victoria." Victoria gave her a wide beam, clearly pleased at the idea she'd been able to teach Alex something.

"And we learned arithmetic!" a curly, brown-haired boy whom Alex immediately recognized as Jimmy Temple cried. He smiled wide, revealing a set of dimples. "I can add and subtract from a hundred!"

"Are you gonna read us a story today?" Victoria asked.

"Which story?" Jimmy cut in. "My mum wants to know."

"Yeah!" Lawrence Broaddus, a chubby-cheeked blond boy, called from the back of the group. "Is it gonna be like what Ms. Benson read to us?" He nodded his head at a suddenly red-faced Kendra. "'Cause my dad said it was incon-incon-incongreaous!"

"You idiot," Jimmy sneered. "It's incongruous."

Mia Smalls, a dirty-blonde headed girl with thick glasses, tilted her head in confusion. "Ms. Locke?" she said, tilting her head back as far as it could go to look up at Alex. "What does incongruous mean?"

"Er. . . Well. . ." Alex shifted uncomfortably under the children's scrutiny. "It means 'unsuitable'."

Victoria frowned. "Unsuitable?"

"Um, 'improper' or—"

"Okay, kids," a new male voice jumped in. Alex gave a grateful smile when she saw the children's teacher, Archie Alden, coming up to stand by his students. "Let's stop badgering Ms. Locke, okay? Everyone file into the reading room." The kids all groaned and uttered mild protests, but obediently walked single file to the reading room.

"Thank you," Alex said with no small amount of relief. "I was starting to wonder how long I could keep from saying 'inappropriate' or another word they'd recognize."

Archie chuckled. "You were doing fine. Better than I've been doing. They've been trying to get the answer out of me as to what incongruous means all day."

Alex peered around Archie to make sure none of the kids were within earshot. "I am surprised Jimmy's here today," she murmured. "I would've thought after what happened—"

"Yeah, me too." Archie glanced over his shoulder. After satisfying himself that all his pupils had made it to the reading room, he leaned slightly over the desk, getting a bit closer to Alex in the process. "Mrs. Temple said she was just going to start keeping Jimmy home on library days, but after this whole mess with her husband and Elsie. . ."

"Yeah." Alex nodded in sympathy. "It's gotta be hard on Jimmy." She paused. "Does he understand what's going on?"

"Probably more than Mrs. Temple would like. He's a really smart kid. I don't think he knows the specifics, but he knows his dad was acting inappropriately with Elsie. You know he's not living at home anymore? Mr. Temple, I mean. Mrs. Temple kicked him out. He's staying in one of the rooms over the pub, though God knows how long that'll last."

"No kidding." The only pub in Leadworth was The Queen's Garters and the Temples were the sole owners, each owning a 50% stake in it. Alex had heard plenty of concern over the last week about what might happen to the pub if the Temples ended up divorcing.

"Well," Archie continued, "in the end, Mrs. Temple decided to let Jimmy keep coming. He does love reading and he really loves library day. Said she thought he should have some joy in his life right now. But," he grinned wryly, "she is keeping close tabs on the books you're reading them."

"I didn't bloody know," Kendra muttered. A glance at her revealed that she was glaring at her computer as she played virtual Solitaire. "Everyone needs to get over it."

Archie and Alex smirked at each-other. No one they knew was getting over Kendra's error anytime soon.

"You got the book?" Archie asked.

"You know it!" Alex held up a copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. She had to admit, she'd been a bit dubious when Archie suggested the book. It was a children's book, but Alex thought it might be better suited to third graders. But Archie had been working all year on getting his class to increase their reading skills and he thought that a chapter book at the end of the year would be the perfect way for them to show off their newfound knowledge. The plan was for Alex to read the first four chapters to give them a little taste and then the kids would read the rest of the book on their own and submit a report on it as their end of the year project.

It was rather ambitious and a bit challenging, but that was what made Alex like it so much. Archie was the kind of teacher who didn't mollycoddle his pupils but pushed them further. It was something Alex always liked whenever she received it in her education. Hopefully, these kids would be the same.

Archie gave her a brilliant grin. "Great! Let me just go in and give them the regular talk about behaving themselves."

"Okay, be right behind you."

Archie nodded and moved to walk away. At the last second though, he turned back. "By the way, Alex," he said with another one of his brilliant grins, "you look really pretty today."

Alex's cheeks immediately started burning. Somewhat self-consciously, she began brushing imaginary creases from her blue floral sundress, paired with a lightly colored denim jacket, blue peep-toe booties the same shade as her dress, silver hoop earrings, and a brand new white and blue watch around her wrist, bought to replace her silver one after it stopped working last week. As usual, her parents' wedding bands rested on the ring finger of her left hand and her sonic necklace hung prominently at her collarbone. "Oh, er, um . . . really?"

"Yes," Archie said firmly, but gently. His grin softened into a no less brilliant smile.

The moment Archie disappeared into the reading room, Kendra, who had been surprisingly quiet during all this, finally exploded. "OMG!" she squealed, springing out of her chair and bouncing up and down next to Alex. "Oh. My. GOD! Archie likes you!"

Alex stared ahead vacantly. "What?"

Kendra rolled her eyes whilst adjusting how much cleavage her neon pink tube top showed off. "Archie Alden likes you, you dolt!" She sighed wistfully. "Blimey, Alex, you're so lucky. Archie is so dishy."

"Is he? I hadn't noticed."

Well, that was a bit of a lie. She'd noticed that Archie was attractive. Anyone could see that. Archie was a nice 6'3, a whole three inches taller than the Doctor, with auburn hair that tended to stick up in the front, hazel eyes, and a splattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He was rather lean, but Alex had seen him play soccer with The Queen's Garters team. He had well-developed muscles and calves anyone, male or female, would kill for.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Kendra exclaiming, "Bloomin' hell, Alex, how could you not notice?! He always talks to you for a long time whenever he's here. Plus, didn't he offer to walk you home after you met with him at the school the other day?"

"He was just being polite," Alex insisted.

"In the middle of the day? Broad daylight? If it was night, okay, maybe, but broad daylight means that he wanted to walk you home so he could spend more time with you."

Alex shook her head. "No, no way." Her tone indicated there was no room for argument.

Not that Kendra seemed to realize this. "But Alex—"

"No, Kendra." Alex shot her a dark glare. Its intensity must have been brutal because Kendra backed up a step. "You're just imagining things. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a reading to do."

But as Alex strode towards the reading room, she couldn't help mentally replaying Kendra's words and her previous encounters with Archie.

It was true, Archie always talked to her when he came to the library, whether it was with his class or on a regular Saturday when he picked up some new reading material. Alex had always written it off as him being friendly. After all, he was one of the first people after Amy and Rory to welcome her to Leadworth. He'd actually brought her some brownies as a 'welcome present'.

Alex hastily reviewed those conversations. They talked about a lot of things: Archie's work at the school, his students and their parents, village gossip. But now, going back over it, Archie asked her a lot about herself. Her childhood, her favorite TV shows and movies, her favorite books, what she was currently reading, about her experiences in high school theater. She had always put that down as friendly curiosity, his desire to get to know the newcomer. Ever her high school theater days seemed easy to explain; Archie was the leader of Leadworth's amateur dramatics society.

Now, Alex wondered. Did Archie really have a crush on her? If he did, why was it so obvious to Kendra, the most clueless person alive, and not her?

Because, a voice in her head whispered, you're in love with the Doctor. Why would you notice anyone else?

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

Alex was thankful for the distraction reading to two dozen first graders provided. Her mind became focused on the world of Charlie Bucket, a poor boy living in the shadow of the world's most famous chocolate factory. She delighted in the children's amazement at the story, their giggles at Prince Pondicherry's outrageous request for a chocolate palace, and their dismay at the cliffhanger at the end of chapter four when Mr. Bucket walks into the house with a newspaper announcing Willy Wonka's factory will, after several years, finally open to a few lucky members of the public.

"But Ms. Locke!" Jimmy protested. "You can't end it there!"

"What happens?" Victoria demanded. A flurry of exclamations and protests arose from the group, nearly every child begging her to continue reading.

Archie stepped in front of Alex and held up his hands. "Okay, okay, everyone! Settle down!" Once the children quieted, he said, "Now, don't worry. You're all going to find out how it ends, but you'll be doing it yourselves."

A couple children grumbled when he explained the assignment to them, but there was a larger group that appeared quite excited. Alex passed out the specially ordered books and instructed the kids to keep them in good condition as they would be used for next year's batch of first graders.

After this, the kids were allowed to either start reading or, if they had a library card, browse the stacks and check out a few books. Several children settled themselves in the beanbags in the reading room to immediately start on their books. Jimmy Temple was among the few that rooted through the children's section. He came to the circulation desk with a small pile.

"Wow, Jimmy," Alex marveled as she surveyed the stack. Jimmy's taste was truly widespread; Where the Wild Things Are, The Little Prince, The Phantom Tollbooth and, amazingly, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. "This is quite the selection."

Jimmy blushed. "Yeah. I just like to read, Ms. Locke."

"Nothing wrong with that." Alex quickly checked out the first three books but paused at the final one. "Are you sure you want this one, Jimmy? It might be a bit advanced for you." Not to mention, but even Alex wouldn't recommend starting the Harry Potter series at six. The books started out lighthearted but turned incredibly dark as the series went on. Not really appropriate for a first grader.

But Jimmy merely nodded. "Oh, yes! I'm looking forward to that one. I've seen the movies and now I wanna read the books."

Alex shrugged. "Okay, then." She wasn't his parent. If Mrs. Temple was okay with Jimmy reading Harry Potter, who was she to judge? And if she wasn't, Alex had no doubt she'd be hearing about it very soon.

She was kept occupied for a few more minutes checking out books and guiding a shy brunette by the name of Lizzie Daniels to the Junie B. Jones books. When she turned around to return to the circulation desk, Archie was standing right in her path.

"Hey!" Alex exclaimed. Her voice came out rather loud and contained a touch of nervousness.

Not that Archie noticed. "Hey, yourself," he said with a lazy grin. He crossed his arms over his chest. The movement caused his already tight clothes to tighten over his lean, muscled figure. What Alex mainly noticed was that, paired with a plain white Oxford, mustard brown waistcoat and gray suit, Archie wore a dark brown, almost black bowtie.

"So, Alex, I was wondering if I could ask you something?"

Alarms sounded in Alex's head. No, no, no, no, no! Kendra was right! Archie did like her, as in like like. And now he was going to ask her on a date!

A strong sense of revulsion flooded through Alex's system. It was rather surprising. Archie wasn't repulsive, far from it. But the mere thought that he was about to ask her out was extremely abhorrent. She had never experienced something like this before, not even when Rory's sleazy friend Ricky once asked her out, accompanied by a wink and attempt to caress her knee.

Archie was opening his mouth again. Alex's eyes darted around for a distraction. Kendra was nowhere in sight. None of the kids seemed to be acting up or in need of any help. No one else had come in. She was completely on her own. She dug her hands into her jacket pockets, her fingers hitting a tube of lip-gloss and her Blackberry.

Wait. . . Her Blackberry. . .

An idea struck her. Alex dug out her phone and started walking away as fast as her heels would allow her. "Sorry, Archie! I forgot I need to make a really important call!" Archie was left staring after her, mouth slightly open as though to ask a question.

Alex made her way to the small employee bathroom, tucked in the biography section hardly anyone went near. The moment she made to open the door, Kendra opened it from the other side.

"Ah, there you are, Kendra! Get back to the desk, will you? I need this right now."

"But I was just about to go on my break—" The rest of her objection was cut off by Alex slamming and locking the door.

The bathroom was small, containing just enough room for a toilet, a sink and a cabinet Alex had stocked with toilet paper, Band-Aids, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, a spare box of tampons, and several other items in case of an emergency. Atop the cabinet was a peacock blue vase filled with a dozen wildflowers Kendra had brought in from her mother's garden. The only other personal touch was a cinnamon scented candle that was only lit whenever someone had a particularly smelly encounter with the toilet.

Alex switched on the light above the mirror over the sink. The glow it emitted was dim, casting the edges of the bathroom in shadows. Usually it annoyed Alex, and in recent days had made her a touch nervous, but today she didn't give a damn. She dug her Blackberry out and hit number one on her speed-dial.

He picked up after only one ring. "Ah, my favorite librarian. I was just thinking about you. I realized that I Sense you have a lot of Sensibility. Now, was that too Austen-tatious of me to point out?"

Alex snorted. Every time they called each-other now, the Doctor would greet her with a cheesy book or librarian related pick-up line. He has got to be Googling these. Or asking Jack Harkness for tips. "Hey, Doc. And no, not too ostentatious of you."

"Oh, good, I was worried."

She heard the phone shifting around a little, suggesting that he was settling down somewhere. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, really. Just settling down in the jumpseat. I've spent almost ten hours reading in the library, so I needed a break."

"Reading what? Jane Austen?"

He chuckled. "No, smarty. A manual on 51st century operating systems. I'm trying to get into those files Kovarian had on you. No such luck yet, I'm afraid."

Alex grimaced, though it was short-lived. She cared about the files, but not as much as what she wanted to tell him. "Don't worry. You'll get them. I have the utmost faith in you."

When he responded, Alex could hear the smile in his words. "Thank you. Now," he said, clearing his throat, "what are you doing? Aren't you at the library now? I thought today was when you read to the kids."

"It is, I'm just taking a break. Besides, I really needed to tell you something."

"Oh?" The Doctor's voice turned into one of concern and slight panic. "Is everything all right, Ally? Is it Amy and Rory?"

"No, no, they're fine, everything's fine. I just. . ."

"You just . . . what?"

Alex stared at her reflection. She was having a really good hair day, probably due to the fact that she'd slept less than two hours last night. It was just the right amount of messy and tousled to make her look like she'd been thoroughly snogged rather than having just rolled out of bed. Just the way the Doctor liked it. Her eyes were currently a deep emerald green. Just like the Doctor's.

Say it, Alexandria Nicole! her mind snapped. Say it! Say it! SAY IT!

"Say it," she whispered. She didn't even realize she'd spoken out loud until the Doctor's voice reached her ear.

"Say what, Ally?"

Her hearts were beating out a samba. The adrenaline in her was running full throttle. The hand not holding her phone gripped the edge of the sink. She kept her focus on her emerald eyes in the mirror, pretending that they were another pair.

"I love you." She blurted it out, the words rushing from her mouth like a bullet out of a gun. After a moment, Alex grinned. She'd said it. She actually said it!

She was pulled out of her joy by the sound of what sounded like something clattering to the floor. It took her a moment to realize that it was on the Doctor's end. He had dropped the phone. There came a bunch of scrabbling, skittering sounds as he scrambled to pick it up. After almost a minute of this, he was back. He was panting heavily, and Alex could easily envision the wide-eyed expression likely on his face right now. "Wh- wh-what. . ." He swallowed thickly. "What did you say, Ally?" he asked again, nearly gasping out the words.

A slow smile spread across Alex's lips. After so many conversations over the phone, she could tell what he was feeling just by the intonation of his voice. At the moment, he was incredulous, a bit dumbfounded and was that . . . joy she detected? "I said I love you," Alex replied, grinning at her reflection.

The Doctor let out a rush of breath, as though it had all been knocked out of him. Alex listened to him breathe for a few moments. It was no longer ragged and heavy, but steady and even. It was a soothing sound and Alex felt her previously frantic heartbeats adjust to match its rhythm. "Oh, Ally," he finally murmured, expressing no small amount of awe and adoration. "I . . . I. . ."

"You don't have to say it back," Alex said quickly. She was sure that for a centuries old being like the Doctor, those words wouldn't come easy. "I didn't tell you that just to make you repeat it. I just . . . I wanted you to know."

"Oh, my Ally," the Doctor chuckled in a low timber. "And that just makes my feelings for you grow stronger."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Feelings? For me? Does that mean—"

"Yes, Alex. I . . . I love you, too."

Alex didn't think her smile could get any wider. She let out a short, almost disbelieving laugh. And why shouldn't she be disbelieving? She never, ever thought that this would happen, that she would actually have legitimate romantic feelings for someone, as well as have that someone reciprocate them.

The Doctor let out a laugh as well. "I must admit, Ally, I never thought I'd say those words. Not since. . ."

She knew he was trying to refer to the Time War. "I know, Doc," she murmured. "I know. And I never thought I'd say them either. I mean, say them and actually mean them."

"I'm very flattered, then. Not that I'm complaining, but why did you decide to say them now?"

"Oh, I was alerted today to the fact that Archie Alden, the teacher who brings his students here, has a crush on me. A few minutes ago, he started to ask me out, but I panicked and ran into the bathroom to call you." Alex said all this in a very nonchalant voice. She knew the Doctor wouldn't like it that someone in Leadworth had had the audacity to try and ask her out.

Sure enough, when the Doctor responded, his voice was slightly rough. "He what?! He tried to ask you out?!"

"Yes, but I never let him finish. Like I said, I ran into the bathroom to call you." Alex turned to lean against the sink. "Doctor, I've loved you for a long time now, ever since my 21st birthday when you gave me my necklace."

"That long?" he gasped. "Ally, why didn't you say something?"

Alex snorted. "Because I was afraid. Afraid your reaction might not be . . . well, like it is now. I've wanted to take things slow, but. . ." She trailed off and shrugged. She was sure he would get it. She stared at the floor, absently trailing her heel along the grout lines in the tile. "You're the first person I've ever truly loved romantically, Doc," she whispered. "If you didn't feel the same, I . . . I don't know what I'd do."

"Well, you never have to find out."

Alex smiled softly. "You're right, I don't." She took a look at her watch and groaned. "Sorry, but I have to go."

"Of course. And Alex?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

She chuckled. "I love you, too."

~The Pros and Cons of Silence~

A/N: So here is the first of four 'Adjusting' chapters, set during the summer between 'A Good Man Goes to War' and 'Let's Kill Hitler'. This chapter is rather short (at 39 pages) compared to the rest, but it does set up some plot points and characters that will be popping up during the next three chapters.

And Alex told the Doctor she loves him! So much for 'keeping things slow'. :)

Also, I have been considering upping this story to an M-rating. As you've probably noticed, the Doctor and Alex are getting a bit more . . . mature and I would like not having the hassle of having to upload certain scenes into a separate one-shot collection. Not much would change if the story went to an M-rating. Sex scenes would simply occur, nothing along the lines of rape or dub-con, and there would be no extreme swearing except during the intimate parts. What do you guys think? Please let me know in the reviews.

Roll Call:

Archibald 'Archie' Alden - Eddie Redmayne

Notes on reviews . . .

NicoleR85 - So glad you liked the chapter! I'm glad you liked how the Doctor and Alex handled things. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible, considering their extraordinary circumstances. I can't wait to get to 'Let's Kill Hitler' too. It's really interesting and sets some things up for the River/Alex relationship moving forward. Merry Christmas and (in case I don't update again in time) Happy New Year! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

bored411 - So glad you liked the chapter! Alex is definitely working through things, but she will be faced with some challenges during these 'Adjusting' chapters. But I will go ahead and hint that she won't be alone though. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Purplestan - I'm so glad I updated too. I was sick of not being able to post this story, so I just buckled down and finished and edited a chapter. I don't want to hint too much about which Time Lord is related to Alex, but it will be someone who is in the Whoniverse. We also might find out who it is before the characters do, but that's all I'm going to say on that. Yep, they nearly had sex. Once again, Amy Pond's timing couldn't be worse, lol. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Sam Fraser - Barbara's hair being mentioned as looking similar to Jackie Kennedy's is not a nod to 'JFK and the Unspeakable'. I have not read it yet, no. My TBR pile is seriously out of control, so I don't have time to add more books to it. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

TPWABW - I'm so glad you're happy by the news! I was so happy to begin updating again myself. Glad you enjoyed the chapter and hope you enjoy this one just as much!

Please, please review (as I suspected these longer chapters are a bit intimidating) but I love receiving feedback! See you later!