****Canon Divergence Disclaimer: It's not explicitly stated that Alastor was forced to retire, but it is implied. I also totally made up "frigidus" as a spell modifier for aguamenti.
Congrats to Remus on his first "fuck" of the whole story lol
From the playlist:
Collateral - Acoustic - Woodlock
Loving Losing - Delaney Bailey
August Underground - Ethel Cain
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Ch. 5 - Tea
He hadn't wanted a cigarette this badly, maybe ever. He considered catching the bus back towards the high street to buy some tobacco and rolling papers - after all, he had shown up on Emmeline's doorstep about twenty minutes early.
If he hadn't been so anxious, he might've devoted a bit more headspace to the twinges in his lower body - a souvenir from those stairs yesterday. He'd have resolved to stay home and give his legs a rest under any other circumstances. Instead, he got up early and donned his best clothes: a wrinkled dress shirt, a tawny pair of trousers, a tweed jacket (which was second hand and had sleeves that weren't quite long enough), and a lumpy, forest green tie he had crocheted himself. He hoped Emmeline wouldn't pick up on the fact that he'd worn the exact same thing the day before, with a different color shirt and tie.
He spent the morning and the better part of the afternoon completely paralyzed with dread, then devoted a considerable amount of time to his small bathroom mirror trying to make himself look presentable. In an irrational panic he'd thought he was going to be late, so he apparated close by and took an earlier bus than the one he already predetermined to have been at an acceptable hour. After spending the entirety of the ride tugging at his jacket sleeves, here he was at her house. Twenty minutes early.
It felt like being punctual to his own execution.
Looking around, he wondered if her neighbors were growing suspicious of him sitting out on the curb for so long; neighbors that would surely hear a squabble if (when) one took place. Why tea? Why here? He supposed there weren't many alternate arenas. It's not like they were going to have it out on Level 2 of the Ministry or - God forbid - his place.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bus on its way down the cross street and thought about flagging it down. If he could just have a cigarette before he went inside…
You can't. She'll smell it on you, and it would only add to the pitiful impression you've already made.
He was startled by the sound of a door opening behind him. Spinning around, he stood and was met by the sight of a young girl in white trainers with a pink rucksack in hand.
"Erm," he started, befuddled by the girl's presence in what was supposed to be Emmeline's doorway. "...Number two seventy five?" Hardly managing to form a full and proper question, he confirmed the house number - which was already clearly visible on its exterior.
Equally as surprised to see him, the girl weighed whether or not she should answer, then nodded warily.
Try to be less terrifying, would you? How do you expect to educate a few hundred children if you can barely speak to one?
Remus cleared his throat and did his best to look disarming. "Is Miss Vance home?"
"...Mum?" the girl turned and called into the house.
What-?
"Coming, love," a familiar voice responded as it progressively neared the entryway.
Oh-
Fuck-
FUCK-
Feeling as though he'd seen something he wasn't supposed to, Remus strongly considered disapparating, leaving the girl to explain her sighting of a very discombobulated man dematerializing off the doorstep. But before he could convince himself to do so, Emmeline appeared - clad in a set of denim dungarees over a polo neck, looking unnervingly maternal.
When she saw him standing outside, she sucked in a sharp breath and took hold of the little girl. "My word, you're certainly early, aren't you?"
"I er-…well…" was all Remus could squeak out as he looked between the girl and Emmeline. He cleared his throat again, which did the trick in untying his tongue. "I'm sorry, I took an early bus. By accident."
The little girl clutched Emmeline's waist tightly, hiding half her face as she looked between her mother and the man outside.
After a dolorous pause, Emmeline placed her hand on the top of the girl's head of bobbed hair and leaned down to speak to her. "Lucy, this is Rem-… Professor Lupin. He teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."
And suddenly, the little girl's face lit up like a sunbeam.
"You teach at Hogwarts?" she asked, releasing Emmeline and moving a little closer to him.
Having partially overcome his shock, Remus gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile. "Well, not yet I don't. I'll be starting in the fall."
In return, she flashed him an endearing grin, sans a tooth. "Me too-!"
"Lucy-" Emmeline attempted to interject.
"-I got my letter this summer."
"...Then I look forward to seeing you in class, Miss…"
Child, I am begging you, say anything but 'McLaggen'-
"Hurst." She politely and, very adorably, stuck out her hand.
…Interesting.
"Miss Hurst," he greeted her, doing his best to conceal the questions from his face as he bent down to gently shake her hand. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"You as well."
God, she looks just like her.
"Lucy," Emmeline beckoned again. "You'd better get to Mrs. Seong's before the carpool leaves without you." She took the girl's face in her hands and kissed her forehead, the sight of which made Remus's insides churn a bit. "Off you pop. And remember, we don't talk about Hogwarts outside the house."
"I know, I won't. Goodbye, Professor!" She bid him farewell before skipping merrily down the street.
He waved halfheartedly. "Bye."
"Hey!" Emmeline hollered.
Lucy stopped and looked over her shoulder.
"I love you!" she said with sarcastic incredulity that this had been forgotten.
"How much?" Lucy asked.
Emmeline's smile faltered, and she hesitated. "A lot," she surmised.
Having understood something that Remus did not, Lucy continued on her way. "Love you, too!"
"Be sure to say 'thank you' to Mrs. Seong-!"
"I will!"
Both Remus and Emmeline watched in silence as she made her way four doors down. When she arrived at her destination, they turned toward each other less than comfortably.
"I didn't-"
"Forgive me-"
They both stopped in an attempt to let the other talk,
"I thought you'd-"
"My watch is a bit-"
but their sentences collided again.
Emmeline folded her arms across her body. "I figured you would arrive while she was at dance class."
"I'm sorry to have surprised you," he apologized again.
"Yeah," was all she managed, pressing her lips together into something that could've been interpreted as a smile.
"She's charming," Remus mused, not daring to ask about Mr. Hurst. "You've got a daughter, that's..."
"…That's what?"
"...That's great-"
"I know it's great," she snapped.
Today is going to be a nightmare.
Remus swallowed. "...I wasn't-..."
"...What?"
"No, nothing. Nevermind."
Standing down, Emmeline started back towards the doorway. "I haven't started the tea yet."
With a touch of reluctance Remus followed, closing the door behind himself. The two-story semi-detached was mostly tidy, well lit, and smelled of baking. It was all very homey and suburban and…normal.
"I've got black or herbal," Emmeline offered, leading him into the kitchen. "Or I could make coffee. Wait, no. You don't do coffee…"
Remus was unsure if her slip was sincere, or if this was meant to be a jab. "Black tea will do just fine, thank you," he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. Maybe it would mask the disproportionate length of the sleeves.
A squawk from the window alerted him to the presence of a distinguished barn owl. Frankly, Remus was surprised to see he was still alive. "Hello, Orpheus," he chuckled, approaching to give the owl's chin feathers a scratch - but Orpheus only aimed an unfriendly snap in the direction of Remus's fingers. He snatched his hand back just in time to avoid the bite.
Swallowing a smile, Emmeline gestured to the dining table as she filled the kettle. "Do sit down."
"Thank you," Remus muttered, shooting a dirty look back at the owl. He seemed far too satisfied with himself.
"So," said Emmeline, igniting the stove.
"So," Remus echoed, helping himself to a seat.
"What's the story, Remus?" she asked insincerely.
… Am I supposed to just…unravel the last decade in her kitchen like this?
"That depends. How much time do you have?"
"Well," she started, her back to him. "Max is picking Lucy up from dance since he's got her this week, so I suppose I've got all evening."
Thank. Merlin.
Remus found himself relieved . The absence of a ring confirmed that she must have been divorced or at least separated from this Hurst fellow. He then instantaneously felt terrible for rejoicing in her misfortune. Deep down, he'd never quite gotten the hang of wishing that she do well without him.
Once she'd clanged a few cups on the counter, Emmeline turned around to face him; but remained safely near the stove.
Remus averted his gaze down to the wood grain of the table. Then, recalling how she'd scolded him in the corridor, he dared eye contact again. "...Emmeline, before we-...I just want to say-"
Her hand flew up to stop him. "I'm not ready...for that. Not yet." She checked the kettle for absolutely no reason, and when she turned back, she had composed herself. "So, teaching?"
He let go of the breath he'd been holding onto, grateful that they could ignore the other conversation for just a bit longer. "Yes. Albus asked me a few days ago."
Astoundingly, she smiled a little. "I think you'll be great."
Feeling his face flush, he shifted the focus off himself. "I gather you're still at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"
"Yes. Been an interesting week though..." As soon as the words left her lips, she seemed to squeeze her eyes shut in frustration.
"Oh?"
Facing away from him, she opened a cupboard and began to rummage. "Just been busy at Headquarters..."
"Still with the Auror Office, then."
"On paper, yes; though my position has turned into much more of an administrative role..." she grumbled.
Remus couldn't see any benefit in pigeonholing someone like Emmeline to paperwork. "Why is that?"
"It's a long story…Alastor was rather forcibly 'retired' a few years ago, and when I made a fuss about it, I went down with him. They disguised it as a promotion, with an office and everything. Now I act as the liaison between Headquarters and the Minister's office- Ah! Here we are." She fished out some biscuits she'd been searching for, then got to work trying to plate them in a presentable manner.
"...I'm sure Alastor appreciated your loyalty."
"On the contrary, he tells me constantly how harebrained I was for throwing away my career for him."
"That…sounds like Alastor."
"Ever the gentleman." She slid the plate of biscuits onto the table and returned to the cupboard to put away their box. "They weren't foolish enough to fully oust him, of course. He still comes in to train recruits going through the program. Nobody does it better."
"Perhaps I'll send him some students next year."
Something seemed to cross her mind, and she ceased her fidgeting.
"Have...have you seen Harry at all? I know we weren't supposed to, but I thought maybe…"
Remus shook his head. "No, I haven't seen him. But I expect I will soon."
"It's his birthday tomorrow…" she said a great deal quieter.
"...He's thirteen now?"
"Thirteen."
"Good Lord…" He couldn't believe it had been that long.
"I've tried to send cards in the past, but Petunia always sends them back with something nasty written inside..."
Remus thought about the letter he'd chickened out of. "Did Hagrid ever write to you?"
"For photos for him once. I sent loads. You?"
"I sent a few as well."
Emmeline's gaze drifted off. "...I think about him all the time…" she murmured.
"…Me too."
It had always been strange to know that Harry was somewhere out in the world and knew nothing of Remus, or the wonderful memories he had with his parents. He often wondered if Harry had been told that his parents had any friends at all, or that they were about as well-loved as two people could be. Perhaps someone at Hogwarts had mentioned that his father used to hang around with a lanky, scarred boy. For all Remus knew, Harry might recognize him immediately, then ask why Remus had never tried to visit.
He used to tell himself it was only because Dumbledore had forbidden it, but unfortunately, Remus had grown up breaking Albus's rules left and right, so he only had himself to blame. It was a very contradictory, shameful feeling. He could've been doing more for the boy, he knew that; but the knowledge that he could never do enough had kept him from doing anything. At least Emmeline had the decency to attempt birthday cards.
"…If you have any time to spare, would you write to me and tell me how he's doing?"
"Certainly," Remus agreed, nodding.
Another glacial lull followed.
Slowly, Emmeline's expression evolved to one that Remus couldn't really read.
"...Remus, listen: you should know-"
The steady crescendo of the kettle interrupted her. Distractedly, Emmeline spun around and practically ripped it off the stove, burning herself in the process. She hissed and snatched her hand back, letting the kettle clunk back onto the cooktop.
Remus trotted to her side to survey the damage. "Are you alright?" he checked, noticing familiar scar tissue on her palm.
"I'm fine, it's nothing," she brushed it off; but he was unconvinced.
With his free hand, he drew his wand: "Aguamenti frigidus."
"Urgh- Fuck, " she groaned through her teeth, flinching as the ribbon of icy water came into contact with her scalded skin and stayed suspended there.
"Sorry."
" Black is out, " she blurted, like it was another expletive.
As Remus' gaze snapped up to hers, the water lost its shape and cascaded off her palm onto the floor.
"What do you mean, out?"
Emmeline heaved a deep breath. "He escaped."
Son of a bitch.
Then the cautious, shallow conversation devolved to frantic mutterings.
"When?"
"Earlier this week-"
"Earlier- ...But why haven't they reported-?"
"-To save face; but the Ministry has no other choice now. They haven't been able to find him. Tomorrow, they'll run the story in the Prophet, as well as the muggle news."
"How did he manage it?"
"They don't know, no one's ever done it before. He just disappeared right out from under the guards'-…Well, I suppose they don't have 'noses,' but you get what I'm saying."
"Merlin's beard…"
"Remus, listen to me. They think he's after Harry. That was the purpose of our meeting with Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore won't let anything happen to Harry," he assured her.
Emmeline seemed to wrestle with what to say again. "They'll be taking extra precautions this year at Hogwarts, some of which I find to be extremely questionable, but that's beside the point. Just...tell me you'll look after him, please."
"Of course I will. That goes without saying."
"You have to - for James and Lily," she pressed.
"I'd give my life for their boy, you know I would," he declared - though his mind had kicked into overdrive behind his eyes, and he found himself completely distracted now.
Remus followed Emmeline's gaze down to their still-touching hands and swiftly let go, wiping his wet hand on his trousers. "I imagine you weren't supposed to share that information. Thank you for warning me," he said distantly as he raised his wand again, casting a bandaging charm over her burn.
"You've always been good at that," Emmeline whispered, drawing her hand close to examine it.
"If I may; the questionable safety measures you mentioned-?"
"Dementors."
Remus's eyes bugged out of their sockets. "What, at the school?"
"The school. Hogsmeade. Everywhere."
Questionable was putting it lightly. As desperately as he wanted Black to stay as far away from Harry as possible, stationing the likes of the dementors near children seemed drastic. Their special brand of horror was usually reserved for the worst people in their world. He supposed it was an effective blockade, though; one that nobody in their right mind would dare try to cross. But it sounded like Black was not in his right mind, so Remus didn't really know what to think. One thing he knew for certain was that the student body at Hogwarts was in for an emotional nosedive come the fall.
"I worry for Lucy," Emmeline continued. "It's only her first year, and after that nightmare with the basilisk-"
"I won't let anything happen to Lucy," Remus asserted without really thinking about it.
Emmeline looked back up at him in a way that made him wonder if he'd said something severely hurtful.
"I should go," he said quickly, saving her from having to ask him to leave. He should have held his tongue - he knew better than to make promises both he and Emmeline were completely cognizant he couldn't keep.
"Sure, of course," she agreed, retreating from whatever she'd been about to say.
Hastily, he moved toward the front of the house and opened the door for himself. "I'm sorry we never had our tea." That was two consecutive tea invitations he'd somehow skirted. "Perhaps another time."
"Sure," she repeated robotically, not even bothering to follow him to the door.
Oh, she definitely doesn't want to see you again.
Daring one more aching glance back at Emmeline in all her suburban glory, he took his leave.
Perhaps that cigarette now.