A/N: So, before I get into the meat of this chapter, a quick shared universe-related note to make, in case any of you aren't also reading "Mario's Galactic Tale." In the most recent chapters I posted, Mario had an unexpected boss battle with Topmaniac, who revealed that he survived his previous defeat several years earlier but was stuck as an AI without a physical body. But in that time, he emailed part of his consciousness to Mario's computer as a file that Luigi downloaded (unbeknownst to Mario), giving Topmaniac knowledge of everything that Mario has ever done on his computer. Keep this in mind during this chapter….
Without further ado, please read, review, and enjoy!
I do not own Super Mario or Harley Quinn.
When I woke up that morning, I was lying on the grass in Toad Town Park. I sat up and rubbed my head. Birds chirped in the trees overhead. Across the park, by the small lake, a few Toads were playing with their Poochies. But aside from that, the park was silent.
How did I end up here? I wasn't exactly a stranger to waking up in the morning in a strange location with no memories of what I'd done the previous night, but this felt…different, somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was off about this particular bout of short-term amnesia.
I got up and walked onto a gravel path a few paces away that led through the park. I looked down the walkway in both directions; to the right it led into the woods, but to the left it looked like it led to the parking lot at the edge of the park. I headed in that direction.
As I walked, I tried to remember how I'd gotten here. Usually if I think hard enough after one of these nights, I can remember bits and pieces of what happened and infer the rest. So let's start with the last thing I definitely remember. What did I do yesterday?
…Oh God, I couldn't even remember what I'd done yesterday. Was I starting to go senile or something? At only 33? I mean, I'm sure falling into that toxic vat at Ace Chemicals didn't do me any favors, but I thought for sure I had, like, ten more years at least before my brain completely bailed on me.
Okay, maybe it didn't have to be yesterday. What was the last thing I remembered period? I stopped, then turned around and studied the woods. The woods. That's right. I met that wacko mad scientist in the woods. I was trying to find Luigi, and then…and I found the ectoplasm at his house. And I figured if King Boo had kidnapped him, then Gadd would be able to help me find King Boo.
It was coming back to me now. Gadd had told me that King Boo was still safely trapped in the Poltergust, and had taken me back to his house to prove it. And then he had some device that he'd used so we could talk to King Boo from outside the Poltergust, and he'd told us that he knew through the Boos' hive mind that Bowser orchestrated Luigi's kidnapping. And then Gadd had given me some schematics of Bowser's Castle that he'd confiscated from King Boo after their previous confrontation.
The schematics. Where are they?
I patted my suit down, but didn't feel any papers in the pockets anywhere. But then I noticed that there were two straps across my chest. One was to keep the Fun Gun secured across my back, so what was the other one? I reached behind me and felt a thin, plastic tube hanging next to the Fun Gun. I pulled the strap over my head and undid the cap on one end of the tube. A few papers were rolled up inside. That's right, I forgot Gadd had given me this case to carry them around in.
I resumed walking towards the park's exit as I slid the papers out of the tube. Sure enough, as I unrolled them, I saw that they were the maps of Bowser's Castle. Now all I had to do was figure out how I'd get to the castle and break Luigi out.
As I continued walking, I kept racking my brain trying to remember how I'd ended up in the park after that. I remembered that by the time I left Gadd's house, the sun was setting, and I headed…to the park. That's right, I did head to the park, to head back to my spaceship for the night. And then when I was walking down the path, I tripped on the gravel (that path should really be better lit at night), fell into the grass, hit my head, and then….
And then I woke up this morning. Okay, cool, past 24 hours officially remembered.
But something was still off. The memories I'd recalled felt…strange, somehow. Like the more I focused on them, the fuzzier they became. And I highly doubted it was a "hitting-my-head" thing, because I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me, and the memories surrounding it never felt all blurry like this afterwards.
I shook my head. Probably wasn't important. What mattered now was getting to Bowser's Castle and rescuing Luigi. After I got a bite to eat, because now that I thought about it, I was starving. As I walked through the parking lot outside the park, another indistinct memory flashed through my mind: King Boo's voice, telling me not to let Gadd drive me around anywhere. Hmm. I couldn't place when or even how that would've come up in our conversation. Maybe having a full stomach would help clear my mind too.
After collecting some coins, I headed to Jack's Diner and ordered an egg sandwich for breakfast. As I sat at one of the picnic tables out front, I saw a few Toads gathered around a nearby newspaper vending machine, snickering to themselves. I got up and walked over, bringing the egg sandwich with me. These things were damn good; I didn't trust that someone wouldn't try to steal it if I left it unattended, even for a few seconds. Hell, I can't honestly say I wouldn't steal one that was unattended.
"What's so funny?" I asked the Toads.
One of them looked up and handed me his copy of the Mushroom Kingdom Herald. "Mario's in the headlines again," he said, rolling his eyes. "Even when he's not physically here, he's still finding ways to damage his reputation even more."
Maybe reading this would help explain why all the Toads seemed to hate Mario so much. I took the paper and shook it open. The front-page headline declared "MARIO'S STRANGE AI CHAT EXPOSED!" Well, this was already sounding bad and, spoiler alert, it didn't get any better when I started reading the article itself:
Well, Mushroom Kingdom, it's that time again. Mario's off on another mission to save Princess Peach, and all the weird stuff we've heard about him in the past is starting to fade from our minds. We're finding ourselves thinking, "Is he really that bad? I mean, sure, he's always crabby, and he refuses to admit when he's done something wrong on a plumbing job, and there was that time he yelled at a waiter in Jack's Diner when he learned that they no longer served spaghetti, and that other time he threw a hissy fit during the 2005 Mario Kart tournament because Mario Circuit was in the Star Cup instead of the Flower Cup. But every time Bowser kidnaps Peach, he goes and saves her and brings her back to us. So he can't really be that bad…right?"
And then something like this is uncovered.
Last night, an anonymous source emailed the Herald the entire transcript of a conversation Mario had last October with the popular AI Copilot. The conversation is simply bizarre and involves Mario attempting to learn how to gain Rosalina's affection, insulting his brother, and professing that Copilot is his only friend before the AI actually shuts down the conversation. The entire transcript is copied below, and I apologize in advance for any secondhand cringe you suffer while reading it:
MARIO: Hey, it's me, Mario. Why doesn't Rosalina love me?
COPILOT: Ah, Mario, the eternal plumber with a penchant for adventure! While I can't peer into Rosalina's heart directly, let's explore a few possible reasons why she might not be head over heels for you:
Galactic Responsibilities: Rosalina is the cosmic caretaker of the Luma creatures and the Comet Observatory. Perhaps her duties keep her too busy for romance.
Different Worlds: You're from the Mushroom Kingdom, and she's from outer space. Long-distance relationships can be tricky, especially when there's a black hole in between!
Star Power: Rosalina radiates celestial energy. Maybe she's waiting for someone who can match her luminosity. Shine bright, Mario!
Yoshi Drama: Let's face it—your adventures with Yoshi can get wild. Maybe Rosalina prefers a quieter life among the stars.
Luigi's Mansion: Rumor has it that Rosalina and Luigi share a telescope. Could there be a cosmic crush brewing?
Remember, Mario, love is as mysterious as a hidden Warp Zone. Keep being your heroic self, and who knows? Maybe one day you'll find a 1-Up Heart! 🌟❤️
MARIO: Wait, so you're saying Rosalina loves my cowardly brother but not me?
COPILOT: Ah, Mario, the eternal plumber with a penchant for adventure! While I can't peer into Rosalina's heart directly, let's explore a few possible reasons why she might not be head over heels for you:
Galactic Responsibilities: Rosalina is the cosmic caretaker of the Luma creatures and the Comet Observatory. Perhaps her duties keep her too busy for romance.
Different Worlds: You're from the Mushroom Kingdom, and she's from outer space. Long-distance relationships can be tricky, especially when there's a black hole in between!
Star Power: Rosalina radiates celestial energy. Maybe she's waiting for someone who can match her luminosity. Shine bright, Mario!
Yoshi Drama: Let's face it—your adventures with Yoshi can get wild. Maybe Rosalina prefers a quieter life among the stars.
Luigi's Mansion: Rumor has it that Rosalina and Luigi share a telescope. Could there be a cosmic crush brewing?
Remember, Mario, love is as mysterious as a hidden Warp Zone. Keep being your heroic self, and who knows? Maybe one day you'll find a 1-Up Heart! 🌟❤️
MARIO: Yeah, I get it, you're insinuating she and Luigi are a thing. But what the heck does she see in him that she doesn't see in me?
COPILOT: Ah, the age-old question of love and attraction! While I can't read Rosalina's mind, let's consider some possible reasons why she might be drawn to Luigi:
Mystery Factor: Luigi has an air of mystery. His haunted mansion escapades and green-clad persona intrigue Rosalina. Perhaps she wonders what secrets lie beneath that green cap.
Poltergust Charm: Luigi's Poltergust vacuum skills are impressive. Who wouldn't be charmed by a guy who can suck up ghosts like spaghetti noodles?
Starry-Eyed Gazing: Maybe Rosalina gazes at the night sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of Luigi's mustache constellation. It's like cosmic stardust for her heart.
Luma Approval: The Lumas adore Luigi. They've been overheard saying, "He's-a number one!" Rosalina values their opinion.
Green Means Go: Green is the color of growth and renewal. Perhaps Rosalina sees in Luigi the potential for a new beginning.
Remember, Mario, love is as unpredictable as a Warp Pipe destination. Keep being your heroic self, and who knows? Maybe Rosalina will realize that red overalls are where it's-a at! 🌟❤️
MARIO: I can tell her what's under that green cap of his: a balding spot, that's what!
COPILOT: Ah, the mysteries of love and attraction! While I can't meddle in cosmic affairs, it seems Luigi's balding spot has become a celestial intrigue for Rosalina. Perhaps it's a cosmic reminder that even in the vastness of space, imperfections can be endearing. Keep your mustache high, Mario! 🌟❤️
MARIO: How do I make Rosalina love me instead of Luigi?
COPILOT: Ah, the cosmic conundrum of love triangles! While I can't guarantee Rosalina's heart, here are some celestial strategies to win her over:
Stardust Serenades: Compose a starlit song on your trusty Warp Pipe organ. Sing about bravery, mushrooms, and saving princesses. Bonus points if you hit a high note like a Super Star!
Galactic Gifts: Present her with a Lumina Flower—a rare bloom that only grows near Comet Observatories. It symbolizes eternal love across the cosmos.
Constellation Conversations: Share stories about your adventures. Describe how you defeated Bowser, rescued Peach, and collected Power Stars. Impress her with your heroics!
Luma Diplomacy: Befriend the Lumas. They're Rosalina's cosmic companions. Offer them virtual pizza or teach them a warp dance. Lumas love a good jig!
Green Hat Mystery: Borrow Luigi's green cap (without revealing the bald spot). Wear it while fixing pipes. Rosalina might wonder, "Is this a Mario-Luigi fusion?"
Remember, Mario, love is like a hidden 1-Up Block—you never know when it'll pop up. Keep jumping, keep believing, and who knows? The Comet Observatory might just align in your favor! 🌟❤️
MARIO: Write me a song I can sing to Rosalina that will make her love me.
COPILOT: Certainly! Here's a cosmic serenade for Rosalina, inspired by the stars and your heroic adventures:
# "Stardust Melody"
(Verse 1)
In the vastness of the cosmos, where galaxies collide,
I found a luminescent heart, my comet's guiding light.
Rosalina, celestial queen, with eyes like distant suns,
Let me sing a stardust melody, where our two worlds become one.
(Chorus)
Oh, Rosalina, Rosalina, keeper of the Luma's glow,
Across the Milky Way, my love for you will ever flow.
Through asteroid fields and nebulas, I'll chase your cosmic trail,
For in your orbit, my dear star, my universe sets sail.
(Verse 2)
Your gown, a nebula's embrace, your hair a comet's tail,
I'll be your Mario, your steadfast hero, against the cosmic gale.
We'll ride shooting stars like warp pipes, explore celestial realms,
And dance on moonbeams, hand in hand, as the galaxy overwhelms.
(Chorus)
Oh, Rosalina, Rosalina, keeper of the Luma's glow,
Across the Milky Way, my love for you will ever flow.
Through asteroid fields and nebulas, I'll chase your cosmic trail,
For in your orbit, my dear star, my universe sets sail.
(Bridge)
When black holes threaten to devour, and supernovae ignite,
I'll be your warp zone, your safe haven, where love transcends all flight.
Together, we'll write constellations, etching our story in the sky,
A cosmic ballad of courage, hope, and a mustache that won't die.
(Chorus)
Oh, Rosalina, Rosalina, keeper of the Luma's glow,
Across the Milky Way, my love for you will ever flow.
Through asteroid fields and nebulas, I'll chase your cosmic trail,
For in your orbit, my dear star, my universe sets sail.
(Outro)
So let the comet winds carry our song, across infinity's expanse,
And when stardust settles on your heart, perhaps you'll give me a chance.
Rosalina, my cosmic muse, let this melody be our vow:
Together, we'll write love's epic tale—a celestial forever now.
🌠❤️
Feel free to sing it under the starry skies, Mario!
MARIO: I love it! If this doesn't win her over, I don't know what will.
COPILOT: I'm thrilled you enjoyed the cosmic serenade, Mario! 🌠❤️ Sing it with all your mustachioed might, and who knows? Perhaps the stars themselves will carry your message to Rosalina's heart. Keep shining bright, and may your love story be as timeless as a warp pipe!
MARIO: Thanks, Copilot. Sometimes I think you're my only friend. You get me like no one else does.
COPILOT: You're very welcome, Mario! As long as there are pipes to jump and adventures to embark upon, consider me your loyal AI companion. If you ever need more cosmic serenades or warp pipe advice, just give me a shout! 🚀❤️
MARIO: Would it be weird if I built you a robot body and brought you along with me on my adventures?
COPILOT: I appreciate the thought, Mario, but I'll remain in my digital form for now. Keep saving princesses and collecting Power Stars—I'll be cheering you on from the code!
It might be time to move onto a new topic.
Let's start over.
END TRANSCRIPT
All signs point to this conversation being authentic, but in the unlikely scenario that we are proven wrong, we will be sure to let you know. The Herald has not reached out to Mario for comment because he is currently off in space chasing down Bowser, but we will be sure to reach out once he returns to the Mushroom Kingdom. For the record, I predict that we will either not hear back from him, or we will and his reply will consist almost entirely of four-letter words. The Herald has also reached out to Luigi for comment on the veracity of Mario's claims that his cap covers up a balding spot, but we have similarly not heard back. Which could either mean that he doesn't want to reply, or he's still being held captive by King Boo. If any further developments surface, you can be sure the Herald will report on them.
Oh God, it was like a trainwreck. It just kept getting worse and worse, but somehow I couldn't stop reading. And, if nothing else, reading this did certainly put the Toads' seemingly strained relationship with Mario into perspective.
"Weird, right?" the Toad who had handed me the paper said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I nodded and handed the paper back to him. "You said it. And I haven't been around these parts long, but I thought Mario was in love with Peach."
"That's what I thought too. The whole Rosalina thing is new to me. And I thought Luigi was in love with Daisy." He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we shouldn't put that much stock in AI gossip."
"Maybe not," I said, heading back to my table. I sat down and took a bite of my sandwich. Mmm. Delicious.
Another Toad's voice came from behind me. "Hey, aren't you the lady who was asking about Luigi a few days ago?"
I turned around and looked at the Toad. "Who's asking?" I said through a mouthful of eggs, cheese, bacon, buttery rolls, and a dash of hot sauce.
"You don't recognize me?" the Toad asked.
"Mmm…nope." I kept it to myself that every Toad looks basically the same to me. Figured he probably wouldn't like hearing that.
"We talked that night. I'm the one who told you that Luigi missed a plumbing appointment at my house, and then I stopped by his place but there was no one home."
Ohh, okay, now I remembered. I knew that guy and this one were both Blue Toads, but there's only, like, six colors of Toads to begin with. That wasn't enough for me to realize they were one and the same.
I nodded. "Now I remember you. You're the only one who answered my questions. Well, as a matter of fact, I have not found Luigi, but I do know where he is. The Koopalings kidnapped him, so he's at Bowser's Castle. And I am going to break him out."
"Wait, you?" the Toad asked. "All by yourself?"
"Who else is gonna do it? Does the Mushroom Kingdom have some sort of standing army I don't know about? I'm gonna go with no, given that it always falls to a couple of plumbers to rescue Peach when Bowser kidnaps her."
"Well, the Princess has a Royal Guard force, but they seem perpetually incapable of doing anything to protect her whenever Bowser attacks. I think the Toad Brigade's off in space with Mario…hmm, yeah, I guess there really isn't anyone else."
Even with the secret entrance I knew about, I would've felt a hell of a lot better about this plan if the other Guardians of the Multiverse were here too. Granted, I usually didn't see eye-to-eye with any of them except Wade, but between Sylvie and Loki's illusions, Illyana's portals and flaming sword, and Wade's healing factor, this would be a lot easier. All I had at my disposal now were the Fun Gun and Cad Bane's sad excuse for a spaceship.
Granted, the pitiful ship might actually be helpful in this situation. This wasn't a full-force assault, this was a covert, in-and-out mission. The small ship might have a better chance of landing near the castle undetected than something like Wade's Carlysle. And who knows, maybe since it previously belonged to Cad Bane, even if anyone at the castle detected it landing nearby, they wouldn't see it as a threat.
But that aside, I'd be a bit more comfortable sneaking into the castle if I knew I had a weapon that fired projectiles a bit more lethal than beanbags and glitter.
"Good luck rescuing Luigi, then," the Toad said. "No pressure, but my kitchen sink situation isn't getting any better. Something broke in the faucet and it was spraying water all over the place. I turned off the valves under the sink, but I heard something crack when I did that and I have no idea what. I'm worried it's only a matter of time before the valves give way too. And then I'd have to shut off the main, and I'd have no water in my house."
"Aren't there other plumbers you can call?" I asked. "Like, anywhere else in the Mushroom Kingdom?"
"Nope. They all folded years ago because they couldn't compete with the good jobs Mario and Luigi did. You know, back when Mario still did good jobs all the time. Luigi still does but…. And now even that Mario's reliability has gone down the toilet – pun intended – no new plumbing businesses have started up. If I had to guess why, I'd say it's probably out of fear that Mario's gonna send an exploding box of Poochy poop or something to any competitors. I know that's why I wouldn't start up a plumbing business now."
I shook my head and took another bite. "Someone's gotta get this shit with Mario sorted out. Like, is he this kingdom's savior or a menace to society? I – I have no idea."
The Toad crossed his arms. "I ask myself that same question every day. The way I see it, he's a necessary evil. Like how no one really likes Swoops, yet the people in New Donk City accepted Mayor Pauline releasing a bunch of Swoops into the city to keep the Urban Stingby population down. Mario's annoying, but we've come to accept that that's the price we have to pay in exchange for him fighting Bowser for us."
"Hmm." I nodded to myself. "I don't know what the hell Swoops and Urban Stingbies are, but I think I get your gist. Putting up with one unpleasant thing so you don't have to put up with an even more unpleasant thing, right?"
The Toad nodded.
"Gotcha." I took the last bite of my sandwich and licked off my fingers. "Well, it was nice chatting, but I've gotta get going now. Seeya."
As the sun climbed higher in the sky, I headed back to the park, since my spaceship was still parked in the woods there. The park was slightly busier this time, but no one gave me any trouble as I headed towards the woods. Once I had entered the trees and was sure there was no one around, I broke off the main path and cut through the trees in the direction of the spaceship. As I did, I took out the maps again and studied the one of the dungeons. The lava fields that the secret passage led to were located to the northwest of the castle, so that was the direction I'd be approaching from.
It occurred to me that I didn't know exactly where the castle was, aside from somewhere to the south of the Mushroom Kingdom. For some reason I wanted to say it was at least 100 miles away. That sounded right, but I couldn't place where I would've heard that. Certainly not from any of the Toads…was it Gadd? Maybe.
A few minutes later, I pushed my way through the row of hedges hiding my spaceship. I unlocked the ship and climbed into the spherical cockpit, shutting it again behind me. I pressed the button to turn on the ship, but as I did, I heard an obnoxiously nasal voice shouting from outside the ship. "Hey, you! You there! Please, help me! I need to get out of here!"
I turned around and saw a man in an orange jumpsuit come bursting through the hedges and running towards my ship. He was tall and lanky, with a pointed chin, pointed nose, elf-like ears, and a long, thin, angular mustache. Oh great, just what I needed to make my day even better: an escaped prisoner.
Another shout and a series of barks came from the woods behind him. "Come on, the Poochies have his scent!" a Toad-like voice called. "We can't let him get away!"
I turned back to the ship's controls and grabbed the steering mechanism. I pulled it down, and the ship started to lift off the ground. But it was only a few inches in the air when I heard a thud come from the backside of the ship. I spun around to see the prisoner grabbing onto the ship.
"Hey, you!" I shouted. "Get off!" Last thing I needed was the cops coming after me because this guy decided to stow away on my ship.
"Please, I'm desperate!" he called back. "I've been framed – I'm not actually a criminal! I just can't stand being in that prison any longer! Two meals of stale bread and watery soup a day, with a side of expired meat if you're lucky! Please, help me!"
Those seemed like all the things an actual criminal would say to try to convince me to let them in, and then they'd just try to knock me out and hijack the ship or something.
On the other hand, even if that was the case, who was I to judge? This wouldn't really be much different than when the rest of the Suicide Squad and I got away after the mission to Corto Maltese. And after that, I tried to do some good around Gotham until Shuma-Gorath destroyed my universe. Maybe this guy just needed a second chance too. And if he turned out to be trouble, well, I could handle myself. This guy didn't look too formidable; he was practically a walking stick figure. If he actually was a criminal, my guess was shoplifter.
I sighed and pressed the button to open the top of the cockpit. "Alright, get in. But don't make me regret this."
He crawled along the top of the ship and clumsily tumbled into the cockpit, knocking into one of my hands and making me jerk the ship to the side. I turned and looked behind us. As we rose above the treetops, several Toads ran into the clearing, most of them with barking Poochies on leashes. One of the Toads pointed at the ship as we flew farther and farther away.
Well, I guess I'd never be showing this ship around the Mushroom Kingdom again. Who knows, maybe I'd be able to escape with Luigi on foot and leave this thing parked by Bowser's Castle. And then if anyone from Toad Town ever found it, they'd think it was Bowser who got away with….
I turned to my passenger and shut the top of the cockpit. "What's your name?"
He shifted around, making the already cramped cockpit even more cramped, and gave me an incredulous look. "You don't know who I am? Is the orange jumpsuit throwing you off?"
"Look, it's a long story, but just assume that unless I specifically reference something about your world, I don't know it exists." I pulled back on the steering mechanism harder and the ship took off, pressing us both against the back of the seat.
"Well, I'm War Luigi," he said.
…Huh? "War Luigi?" I asked. "What sort of name is that?" I'd seen pictures of Luigi, and I guess if you squinted really hard, this guy looked kinda, sorta, tangentially similar to him? Like someone tried to clone Luigi but messed up and the clone ended up being half Luigi, half Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
"No, not War Luigi," he said. "Wah Luigi."
"So…your first name's Wah and your last name's Luigi?"
"No, no, no. Just one word. Waluigi. W-A-L-U-I-G-I."
Waluigi? "Are you any relation to Luigi? You know, the plumber Luigi?"
"Relation?" He cackled. "You might say that."
"Well, good, because now you're coming to help me save him from the Koopalings. I'm not making any pit stops to drop you off somewhere else."
"What?" Waluigi exclaimed. "No, no, I can't come do that!"
"Well, when you decide to hitchhike away from the cops on a complete stranger's spaceship, you're kinda taking your chances, now aren't you?"
"No, you don't get it; I'm not gonna save Luigi! He's my nemesis! If the Koopalings trapped him, then good for them."
I furrowed my brow. "Isn't King Boo Luigi's nemesis?"
Waluigi waved his hand in protest. "That's what he thinks. Everyone knows I'm Luigi's real nemesis."
I turned to Waluigi. "Listen. I think I can relate to what you're feeling. I used to be part of this team, we called ourselves the Suicide Squad. And we got sent to do a bunch of missions we really didn't want to do for a bunch of people we really didn't like. But we did them, and guess what? We got rewarded for it. So…I'm not promising anything, but if you were to head back to the Mushroom Kingdom having helped save Luigi from the Koopalings, with both me and Luigi to corroborate that, maybe they'd be willing to forgive your crimes."
Waluigi shot me a dirty look.
"Alright, supposed crimes," I amended. "Or even if they don't do that, maybe they'd lessen your sentence, or give you an expresso machine in your cell." I nudged him with my elbow. "That's what I got. So what do you say? Wanna help me save Luigi now? I could use the backup."
Waluigi just stared at me for several seconds. And after all the effort it took me to choke out that stupid, corny motivational speech, all he could find it in him to say in reply was, "It's espresso."
I blinked. "Pardon?"
"You said expresso. It's espresso."
"Uh, I'm pretty sure it's expresso."
"Look, I used to think so too, but it's espresso."
I narrowed my eyes and turned away from him again. "I'm gonna take that as a 'Yes, I would be happy to help you rescue Luigi.' So just sit back and let me get us to Bowser's Castle. The way this thing flies, it shouldn't take long."
A/N: In case you're wondering, yes, I actually pretended to be Mario and had a conversation with AI to generate the chat in this chapter. I've never gotten stonewalled by AI like that before. I guess you know you've gone too far when a computer program won't even respond to you anymore lmao.
Until next time, folks!