Chapter 5: Fading

"Oliver, you need to get over here. Now."

Laurel's words over the phone stopped Oliver cold. Oliver stood in the Bunker, only a minute earlier listening while Felicity made the connection that Ray Palmer's "battering ram" might be the perfect way to force her way back into the Calculator's system and stop his "web nuke" from frying the city's resource access. As his fiancé wheeled her chair down the ramp from the Hub, Oliver's phone rang and changed everything.

"Laurel, what happened?" Oliver demanded, hoping the panic wasn't too clear in his voice, but he was pretty sure by Diggle stiffening next to him that he had failed.

"It's Thea – something's happened. She's worse. Ollie, I just – you need to get here."

Oliver's drive to Laurel and Thea's apartment was made in a haze. As he walked through the door, he was not entirely sure how he had gotten there. Oliver quickly scanned the foyer. Roy was seated on the couch, his face in his hands. Malcolm was nowhere to be seen, but Oliver was sure he was nearby. As soon as Laurel saw him, she stopped pacing and approached Oliver. She caught his arm and pulled him into the kitchen, keeping her voice low.

"The Pit's magic is fading, Ollie. It's getting bad." Oliver tried his best to read Laurel's face, crinkling his brow in question. Laurel said, "She's getting weaker, but that's not the worst of it. Roy was in talking with her when she started having trouble breathing. The wound from Ra's opened up on her chest." Laurel's eyes brightened with tears. "God, Ollie, I thought she was going to die right there. Malcolm told us medical care wouldn't help and he talked her through it until the wound closed up and she could breathe again."

Oliver paled at the thought. "What do you mean 'the wound opened'?" he demanded, panic sharpening his tone.

Laurel shook her head, still appearing shocked by what she had witnessed. "I mean, I wasn't there when she was attacked by Ra's, but-" Laurel traced a patch on her chest below her neck over her shirt where she had seen the gash appear on Thea. "Her skin just opened up. She couldn't breathe, at all. It was … god, it was awful. She was so scared, and hurting…."

Oliver shook away the sudden vision in his mind of Thea on the floor of the Loft following Ra's attack – the blood, his sister's gasps. He tried his best to even his tone out, hoping that he could exude enough assuredness to calm Laurel. "How is she now?"

"She's resting – she's completely wiped out." Laurel darted a worried gaze to the living room at Roy's back, then said quietly, "Ollie, what if it happens again and it doesn't fade this time? If the Pit's magic is gone, is she going to die in the same way she would have nine months ago?" The thought made Oliver's heart clench. Laurel admitted in a breathy, emotional voice, "Honestly, I had been so afraid she was just going to … fade away I guess, I could barely sleep last night, but … dying in agony, unable to breathe is a thousand times worse."

Oliver shook his head quickly. "She's not going to die. It's not an option."

Laurel's eyes sparkled brighter as tears built up. "Ollie, I don't want her to either, but we're running out of time. I haven't heard from Nyssa-"

"Nyssa is not our only option," Oliver hissed out. "I am working on something-"

"Damien Darhk?" Laurel questioned, eyes narrowing. "That's no plan at all."

Oliver looked at Laurel with a hard look. "I'm not losing her."

"Ollie-" Laurel began softly even as Oliver turned and strode towards Thea's room. He slowed down a moment before he reached the door, then leaned into the darkened bedroom. Thea appeared asleep, propped up on pillows. He couldn't catch her entire face from where she was turned away from him.

"Hey," Oliver called out softly, pleased when it was enough to catch Thea's attention. Thea turned her face, eyes weary, to meet Oliver's. Oliver grabbed a chair from next to the door and set it next to the bed, gingerly taking a seat. "Laurel told me what happened." He studied her, concern dripping from his tone, "Are you okay?"

Thea took a deep breath and pushed herself, with some show of effort, into a better seated position leaning back against the pillows and headboard for support. "I'm feeling a bit better," she said, her voice cracked. Oliver could tell she said it only to reassure him - her eyes seemed dull and the stillness of her face, voice, and body spoke to her pushing through exhaustion.

Oliver studied her in silence, searching for the spark he was used to seeing from his sister. With more confidence than he felt, Oliver said, "Hey. I'm working on something."

Looking away from Oliver, Thea noted sarcastically, "If it's a pedophile for me to kill, Malcolm's already been pitching that one hard." As she finished, her eyes darted back up to catch Oliver's, before glancing away again.

Oliver was unimpressed by Malcolm's very Malcolmy plan. Trying to keep his voice light, Oliver admonished, "You're not a killer, Thea. That's not a way for you to live." Because that would be her life. Pursuing the next kill, feeding the magic with the blood of others. Oliver was hopeful Thea would be open to his next idea and he said slowly, "But it sounds like Damien Darhk might be."

Thea gave him a look that said she clearly thought he was joking. "Yeah, I'm sure he's just itching to do us a favor." Thea gave a little grin at the joke.

"We're going to find out," Oliver said stoically. "I arranged a meeting."

Thea stared at Oliver a moment until she grasped this was no joke. The shock at Oliver's plan seemed to give Thea a burst of energy and she quickly pushed herself up so she was seated on the bed at eye level with Oliver. Thea exclaimed a little wildly, "It's not like he's going to be willing to help me."

Oliver stated reasonably, "Maybe there's something that he wants; something I can trade him."

The words were hardly out of Oliver's mouth when Thea declared, "Ollie, that's insane. Not to mention stupid. I..." Thea seemed at a loss for words as they tried to catch up with the thoughts darting through her mind. "I can't let you owe Darhk a favor."

"And I can't let you die." Oliver said firmly, meeting Thea's gaze. He hoped she saw his resolve. Thea looked back, her eyes reading his face - she looked so sad. But Oliver could feel that her look of sympathy - of pity - was for him. Oliver gave a small shake of his head. "I won't."

Thea held his eyes with an expression far older than her twenty-one years. Suddenly Oliver felt he was not sitting at the bedside of his baby sister. He sat beside a woman imbued with some kind of wisdom, some secret, granted her by her illness. With words oozing as much with compassion as they did with assuredness, Thea said gently, "That's not up to you."

Oliver had not been ready for Thea to shut him down – to give up. He looked away, not ready to hear what she had to say next. "Look," Thea said, her voice warm and affectionate, desperate for Oliver to hear her. "I know how you take everything on, everyone's problems. It's one of the things I love the most about you." She waited until Oliver looked back to her again. Then she said with finality that cut Oliver to the heart, "But you can't fix this one, Ollie."

Oliver looked at Thea, bewildered that she was asking him to stop. Emotion clouded his voice as he pleaded, "I have to try."

"No, you don't," Thea corrected firmly. "It's my choice. It's my life."

Oliver sat back in his chair and gaped at her. How could she expect him to give up? To let her die? Thea was his sister, his family - his heart.

Thea's strength seemed to give out on her and she leaned back firmly on her pillows, eyes sliding closed. "Hey," Oliver said softly. "Let's get you back down." Thea cracked one eye open and reluctantly leaned forward enough that Oliver was able to help her lie back down. Her eyes slid shut.

Oliver's heart was heavy and throat tight as he carefully tugged up and straightened the covers over his sister. "Get some rest," he said in a low tone and then leaned forward to place a long kiss on the top of her head. Surely, this wouldn't be the last time?

Oliver stood up and pushed the chair to where he had found it. Then he paused. It was like he couldn't convince his feet to move away from their spot on the floor. His eyes drank in the sight of his sleeping sister as tears blurred his view. Oliver stubbornly held them back. He had the most awful feeling. The feeling like once he walked away, he wouldn't see her again.

With that desperate thought, Oliver focused on forcing himself, a step at a time, out the door of the bedroom. He carefully latched it shut behind him.

"She's stubborn, isn't she?" Malcolm's voice cut through the darkness of the apartment. With a glance around, Oliver could see it was only he and Malcolm left in the apartment. Roy and Laurel had left. Hopefully they were doing something useful, like helping Felicity and Digg, or tracking down Nyssa's people. "Definitely something she gets from your side of the family." Malcolm noted almost congenially.

Oliver walked with leaden steps and sat down heavily in a chair tucked into the room's corner. "It doesn't matter," Oliver stated with finality.

Malcolm helpfully supplied, "Because you're going to go hood in hand to Damien Darhk." Oliver shot Malcolm an unimpressed look, guessing Malcolm had been eavesdropping on his conversation with Thea. Malcolm continued, disregarding Oliver's disapproval, "Leaving the epic stupidity of your plan aside, Thea's right. This is neither of our decisions."

This was certainly not what Oliver had been prepared to hear. He looked at Malcolm incredulously, anger blossoming in his chest where his grief was sitting just as heavily. "Malcolm," Oliver demanded. "Do you want her to die?"

Malcolm said seriously, "Of course not. Do you have any idea how badly I want to put a knife in her hand and force her to slit someone's throat? I've come this close," he held his thumb and index finger centimeters apart, "to dragging someone in here for her to kill." Of course he had. How could Oliver have thought that this man wasn't prepared to cross any lines to save Thea. Malcolm was certainly known for doing the wrong things for … the slightly less wrong reasons.

Malcolm explained to Oliver as though speaking to a child, "And the reason I don't is because that would be about my feelings and not Thea's. Oliver, sometimes the greatest act of love is no action at all. It's her life. It's her choice."

Malcolm's words continued to ring through Oliver's head, even as he stood an hour later, geared up as the Green Arrow in the darkness, awaiting Damien Darhk's arrival. Was this really about Oliver and his feelings?

No, it wasn't. Thea was making a choice, but it was one Oliver couldn't accept. He felt exactly like he had months ago, when he weighed out whether he should subject Thea to the unknown consequences of the Lazarus Pit and give up his own future to become the Heir to the Demon or live in a world without Thea in it. Even nine months later, with Thea's life hanging in the balance again, Oliver found he really couldn't regret it. Yes, Thea had suffered due to his choice, but she was here.

He thought about the past nine months. He and Thea had fought side by side and he watched with pride how she had grown in her combat skills. She had supported his choice to run for mayor and had, with grace, learned to run a campaign. He thought of the lunches they had taken, the coffee they had drunk, huddled over the newest ratings or wallowing through a planning session. She encouraged him to propose to Felicity and cheered the hardest when he had. He watched as she stepped up to be present for Felicity after her paraplegia when Oliver was finding it hard to come through. He saw her fall for Alex and then find a way to make her own path apart from him. Watched her fight her demons and come out the stronger. He had pulled his sister into hugs, watched movies, and teased her until she cracked a smile, that smile that always warmed his heart. And he had almost lost out on all of those moments. If not for the Pit, his final memory of Thea would have been finding her on the blood-smeared floor of the Loft on that dark April night.

In the same way that Oliver had been willing to pay the price of the Pit, whatever Damien Darhk demanded, whatever Darhk would do to exact a price for Thea's life, Oliver would gladly pay it. And Thea could be mad and tell Oliver he shouldn't have done it all she wanted. Oliver would relish every "I told you so," and "How could you?", because Thea would still be there, saying it to him.

Oliver suddenly saw his mother in his mind's eye. With shaking voice, but firm in her belief she was right, telling Oliver, "Everything I have ever said or done has been to protect you and your sister." He remembered pleading with his mother, telling her that he could not live with himself if she sacrificed thousands of people in the Glades by enabling Malcolm's Undertaking just so he could live. And he remembered the press conference where his mother took his words to heart, announcing to Starling City that she realized her family's safety would mean nothing if she allowed the Undertaking to occur.

His mother's desire to protect them had never been more prescient to Oliver than it was at this moment. Like a wave, Oliver thought about the people Damien Darhk had mercilessly killed. How he mowed down police and guards with no thought to the body count. How he sent a drone to rain bullets onto a beach clean-up attended by civilians and children. How he had thrown Digg, Felicity, and Thea - people he thought were civilians and mere political opponents - into a gas chamber. How he had sent assassins to target him and Felicity, nearly killing her and causing Felicity to spend the rest of her days without the use of her legs.

Oliver thought about Thea telling him that trusting Darhk was insane. That she would prefer to die from the bloodlust rather than open Oliver up to Darhk's machinations. Oliver knew what Thea's choice was. But for the first time, he understood – really understood - his mother. He understood the desire to watch the world burn if it meant Thea would be safe. The idea that if only Thea were alive, that he could clean up whatever mess he had made.

Oliver had once told his mother with horror that if she allowed the Undertaking, that thousands would die for him and Thea – and Moira told him that she was not mother to the thousands in the Glades. And essentially, that was what Oliver would be saying if he threw in with Damien Darhk to save Thea's life. That Thea's life was worth more than whatever sinister plans Darhk had for the world. And just as he could not have lived with his mother sacrificing so many to save his life, he knew Thea would not be able to live under the same burden.

Oliver slowly closed his eyes, trying to fight back the tears. This was his only plan. The last plan to save Thea's life. He had to give it up – but it also meant giving up her.

Oliver felt his watch beep and raised it to see a message from Felicity: "CALCULATOR AT FLINT HILL – 911". It was the push he needed to walk away. With a last glance back to his meeting spot with Darhk, Oliver turned, heart burdened, towards Flint Hill.

It didn't take long for Oliver to fly through the night on his bike and reach Flint Hill. As Oliver peered down from the rafters of Flint Hill's data farm, he could see Spartan, Black Canary, and Arsenal below. Oliver had a brief moment of bittersweet happiness at seeing Roy back in his Arsenal suit, even while watching his team surrounded by heavily armed mercenaries.

Oliver leapt from the rafters and quickly dispatched the men before him with a series of quick spins and hits with his bow, while the team looked on. Glancing at the men laid out on the ground, Roy said with a smirk, "Always got to make an entrance, don't you?"

"Sorry," Oliver apologized, eyes skimming over his team to make sure they were unharmed. "There was a meeting that I decided not to go to." He met Laurel's eyes and she nodded slowly. Oliver knew she agreed with his call – but like him, she knew what they were giving up.

An alarm on the Calculator's "web nuke" device began blaring. Roy glanced at the device and back at the team. "Look, I know it's been awhile for me, but this still isn't a good thing, right?" he asked.

"Guys," Felicity called through the headset. "I set up a firewall that's keeping the Calculator at bay for the moment, but it's not going to hold. The 'web nuke' is hardwired in. Not to get too technical here, but I need you to blow the thing up."

"How much time do we have?" Oliver asked.

"Eh, it's a long story, but somewhere between 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' and 'Hey Jude'." Felicity replied.

"Explosive is set," Digg reported, "but I can't prime it - something's not working!"

"He's jamming the detonation frequencies," Felicity said in realization.

"We're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way," Oliver said, "and manually set the charge."

"Sure," Laurel said, "But how do we set it and get out of here in one piece? Someone's going to have to stay behind."

"I'll do it," Roy volunteered. "I can trigger the C4 from a distance with an arrow. Then I just need to outrun the blast." Oliver's heart sunk at the offer – and the unspoken understanding that this was just one more sacrifice being made by someone who had already given too much.

"Just because you're wearing red, it doesn't make you the Flash, Roy," Digg said derisively, his apprehension coming out as sarcasm.

Oliver shook his head, rejecting Roy's offer. "Roy, you just got a fresh start. You don't need to throw that all away."

"I didn't say it wasn't going to be risky," Roy said sensibly. "But I'm the one who brought this maniac into your lives. I need to do this – this is my choice. It's my life." Oliver was thoroughly sick of hearing people remind him that they were also autonomous beings – mostly because, whenever they did, it was their choice to put their lives on the line for him.

The air was thick with tension as Team Arrow remained quiet, looking at their friend and partner. The words hit Oliver, fresh off the understanding that sometimes, the greatest sacrifice of love was allowing others to make their own choices. But oh, why did he have to realize that today?

"Okay," Oliver said quietly, with a nod.

Team Arrow quickly said goodbyes. "See you outside, kid," John said affectionately, his words holding the promise that Roy would make it out.

Laurel looked at Roy as if memorizing him. "Good luck," she finally said, turning to follow Digg out the door.

Oliver walked up to Roy and gripped his shoulder, forcing Roy to look him in the eye. With a last command, Oliver said, "Hey. You run like hell." Roy locked eyes with his friend and mentor and gave a sharp nod.

Outside, Oliver reached Laurel and Diggle and turned around to look back at Flint Hill. "Come on, Roy," Oliver chanted nervously, pleading for Roy to make it out. "Come on!" As they watched, the building lit up, fire shooting into the air with the explosion. Oliver's heart stopped as he looked at the door, waiting to see Roy running out ahead.

A figure appeared overhead, speeding towards them. Oliver looked up to see Roy zooming down a zip line, keeping ahead of the blast. Roy dismounted in front of his friends. He grinned infectiously. "Just like riding a bike." Roy declared. Oliver couldn't help grinning back, shaking his head with affection.

Later, as the team walked back into the Bunker, Oliver savored the feeling of having his team back together and declared, "It's good to have you back, Roy." Oliver said with quiet sincerity, "You've been missed."

Roy said with a gentle sigh, "Well, don't get too used to me. I'm gonna have to go underground again." He looked around at the new Bunker and said, "Even deeper now that the Calculator knows who I am."

Laurel looked concerned, asking Felicity, "What's to keep him from posting it on the internet?"

Felicity grinned cheekily. "Oh, I might have installed a virus in his system that wiped out everything he had on Roy."

"You're the best Felicity," Roy said genuinely, smiling at his friend. Roy stood back, taking them all in. "I'm sorry I can't stay." A shade of sadness fell over Roy's face as he added, "Not just for you guys, but for Thea." Oliver's heart ached for his friend. Thea and Roy deserved every happiness and a life together. It was something they could never have – Roy needed to keep on the run and … Thea ….

Oliver tried to relieve a little of Roy's burden, telling him, "She'll understand." And she would. She always understood why she had to sacrifice what she wanted for the rest of the world – even when it broke her own heart.

Roy met Oliver's eyes. He said firmly, like he was trying to believe it himself, "She's going to be ok, Oliver."

Something inside Oliver's chest hurt. Roy was wrong – but how could you tell that to the man who gave up his future and the love of his life so you could continue to live yours? Oliver couldn't even look at Roy. "Well, whatever she decides, I'm going to back her play."

Roy stepped into Thea's bedroom and rapped lightly on the door, announcing his presence. He watched with a heavy heart as Thea blearily opened her eyes marred by deep underlines to look at him. He had often thought of Thea as strong. Confident. Thoughtful. Generous. But never, until this week, had the word "fragile" ever been connected to her in his mind. She looked like a fading flower, the marks of something beautiful remained, but the vibrant color and strength was dimming.

A smile tugged at the corners of Thea's mouth as her eyes met his. "Hey, you," she said softly.

Roy smiled back, walking slowly and sitting on the bed next to where Thea lay. "Hey yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Good, now that you're here," Thea said, reaching out for his hand. Roy met hers and gave her hand a soft squeeze.

"Look," Roy said. "Malcolm's out doing something nefarious, no doubt, and Laurel is giving us a few hours. It's just the two of us." Thea met Roy's eyes curiously. "How would you feel about getting out of this room for a little bit? A change of scenery?"

Thea looked a little confused, worried to disappoint him. "I don't think I can go far."

Her concern broke his heart, but he kept his expression light. "How about going as far as the living room?" Roy asked.

Clearly relieved that Roy wasn't planning an outing, Thea nodded. Delicately, she asked, "Could you help me?"

"Always," Roy said warmly. He pulled the covers back from the bed, then scooped Thea up in his arms. She had always been small, but there had always been power behind her size. Now, picking her up was like lifting a little child.

Roy carried Thea to the sofa and sat her gently down. He found a cream-colored knit blanket and tucked it around her legs, fetched a glass of water and two Tylenol, and found a sweater from her closet, helping her pull it over her head. His heart pounded painfully as he found himself having to do most of the work to tug it into place. Her arms seemed to have lost the strength and dexterity assist.

Once he finished with her sweater, Roy said that he would make her tea, and walked quickly to the kitchen to take a break from seeing the woman he loved in such a helpless state. As he put water on in the kettle, Thea called out, "Just don't try to sneak any of that protein powder in!"

Roy felt caught, having already pulled the jar of protein mix next to her mug on the counter. Laurel had instructed him to hide some in whatever Thea would take. Thea hadn't eaten anything since before their AmerTek patrol and Laurel was nearly wild with worry that Thea was giving up. "But if you're drinking tea anyway, it's a quick way to get you some nutrients," Roy said sensibly, hoping he didn't sound too demanding. Thea did not take well to commands.

"It makes the tea thick," Thea explained. "And I don't need it. I'm not hungry."

"You need protein, Thea," Roy said. "Why do you think you don't need it?" Even as he asked it, he was worried that Laurel was right: Thea was done fighting. She had accepted her fate. And if she had, how could they get her to hold on until they found a way to save her?

Thea was quiet for a moment and then said softly, "Let's not do this right now, Roy. I just want to enjoy being with you."

Roy looked down at the mug, loose leaf tea in the diffuser ready for hot water, and felt his eyes fill with tears. He felt helpless. But Thea was right – he didn't want to fight. One way or another, either by him leaving or by her dying, these next few hours were likely going to be the last they would have. "Okay," he said quietly, an ache in his throat as he agreed. "No protein. No arguing." They fell silent. The sound of the kettle squealing filled the apartment.

Roy finished the tea off with a stir of honey and carried it over to Thea. Thea took a sip and leaned back, closing her eyes with a content expression while Roy lifted her legs up enough to sit down. He settled her feet over his legs as Thea said serenely, "You know, you should be a nurse in your new life. You're a natural at it."

The comment cut Roy to the core. His new life. This was the last night he could sit by Thea's side, because before dawn came, he would have to move on. Walk out of this warm apartment away from the person he loved most. Back into the cold winter and the dark, long nights. Back to a world of strange faces, changing towns, and odd jobs. To keep her safe. He said softly, "It's not much of a new life without you in it."

Thea met his sad gaze with her own large hazel eyes. "Then maybe you could stay?" she asked, the hope in her question broke his heart.

"You know I can't," he said, taking her hand in his and rubbing his fingers over it. The feel of her so close was intoxicating and he felt like he was at home. The idea of willingly walking away again felt like torture.

She said sadly, resignation in her voice, "I know. I just wish …" Thea's voice faded, as though she couldn't voice her wish. He worried that it was a wish to have him by her side when she went. "But I need you safe," Thea said, her voice gaining strength. "Too many people can recognize you in Star City."

"You know," Roy said tenderly. "I thought about staying anyway. For you." His voice cracked on the last word, tears fogging his view. He wasn't worried about himself. He could get caught and thrown back in jail for the rest of his life and he wouldn't care. What he couldn't do, was put Thea at risk of being found with him.

Thea tightened her hold on his hand and said, voice firm. "You know what you could do for me?" Roy shook his head slowly 'no'. "Go live an amazing life." Thea's voice cracked and tears made her own eyes sparkle to mirror Roy's. "Get married, have a couple of kids. Get a minivan." Roy chuckled, even as tears traced warmth down his cheek. "Just go be normal." Roy could see the first of her tears trickle as she spoke and he could feel her love for him behind her words. Voice breaking, Thea said, "There's nothing in this world that would make me happier than that." The words felt like a benediction. The final wish of the dying.

Roy felt the tears return to his eyes. He felt the direness of their situation – the amount of love he had for her mingled with the idea that he would leave and she would die. "You know," Roy said, his voice cracking with emotion as he peered into Thea's eyes, willing her to believe him. "If I could do all of this over again, I would do every single one of those things with you."

Thea sniffled painfully and agreed, "Me, too."

"I love you, Thea Queen."

"I love you, Roy Harper."