"These are for you," Lord Houghton said, holding out an arrangement of coral roses.
Pen curtsied to him, and accepted the gift. "They are beautiful, Lord Houghton. Thank you." After inhaling their soft scent, she set the flowers down at a nearby table.
She poured them both tea, and he took a few biscuits. They settled down, Pen on a settee, and Houghton on a chair nearby.
"I understand you own racing horses, is that right?" Pen asked, wanting to get to know this man better. They had danced together at a few balls, but this was the first time he had called. He was generically handsome, average height with dark blond hair.
He smiled. "I have been fortunate. About five years ago, I had one that won several prominent races. Since then, we have been able to charge a lot for his services. The funds from that help support training up other horses."
"I confess I don't know much about the horse racing world," Pen replied, setting her empty tea cup down. "What kind of services?"
Houghton chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "Stud services. He is taken to mares, to breed more winning racers."
"Oh," Pen said, feeling a bit flustered at the change in the tone of the conversation. And Houghton was looking at her a bit more intently than he had before.
Houghton moved quickly, setting himself down on the settee next to Pen, far too close. He leaned even closer. "Perhaps you could come along on one of his excursions. It is quite something, watching two strong, powerful animals, clashing together in that way."
His eyes were definitely heated, and he was aiming some lingering looks at Pen's neckline. She felt like grabbing something to cover herself, regretting not have a chaperone in the room. How could she deal with this?
Pen chuckled lightly, standing to pour herself more tea, but mostly to put some distance between them. "I oversaw my husband's estate for several years. One sees such things in the country."
What she hoped would defuse things, seemed to have the opposite effect.
Houghton came to stand behind her, reaching around her for a biscuit. He tilted his face close to her ear. "And did you not find the sight of that rousing?"
His whisper, his closeness, his intentions… it sent a few sensations through Pen. A bit of fear, being alone with a man she didn't know that well, but also a zing of excitement. He was definitely making advances towards her!
"Mr. Colin Bridgerton," her butler announced, as that man strode into the room.
Lord Houghton dropped the biscuit he had been reaching for, letting it fall to the floor, and he stepped back hastily. He straightened up, trying to appear entirely proper.
"Um, I shall bid you good day, Lady Debling, as you have other company," he said, lifting her hand for a lingering kiss. "I hope you consider my offer."
He left quickly, with Pen barely able to utter a good bye.
"I feel like I was interrupting something," Colin said, gazing at Lord Houghton's retreating back.
Pen let out a strained laugh, and finished pouring out tea for both of them. She took a few deep breaths, trying to regain her equilibrium. But her hands shook as she carried the tea, spilling it into the saucers slightly.
"You are not well," Colin said, taking both cups of tea and setting them on the side table. He sat beside her on the settee. Gathering up her hands in his, his eyes full of concern as they searched over her features. "Tell me what is disturbing you, Pen."
The tension inside her needed an outlet, and she jumped to her feet to stride over to the window. Her chest felt tight, her breathing fast, and her hands were shaky. Looking out of the window, she consciously tried to take deep breaths in and out.
"Oh, Pen," Colin said softly, resting a hand gently on her back, standing behind her.
It was just what she needed, a supportive friend. Colin gently rubbed her upper back, murmuring soothing words as she calmed down.
Eventually, she sat back on the sette, feeling emotionally drained. Colin sat beside her, still looking concerned.
"I'm so sorry, Colin, for subjecting you to all that," Pen eventually said.
"I'm just happy I was here to comfort you. We have been close friends for so many years, I don't want you feeling bad about it," He said generously. "But would you do me a favour and tell me what has you so distressed? I will worry more, conjecturing even worse scenarios, if I leave here without understanding this."
Pen sighed. She had avoided discussing this with Colin around at the ball a few nights ago, but she couldn't this time.
"It's not something discussed much in polite society," Pen said softly, feeling herself blushing.
That made Colin look at her with even more interest. "You can tell me anything."
Pen took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Being back in society this year as a widow has been a big adjustment for me. For the most part, it has been enjoyable, going back to doing things I did when I was first out in society. But some parts are a lot different than before."
"Well, I've certainly noticed you have the attention of many men. It is too much for you? At least back then, you had your family nearby for support," Colin commented.
Pen gave a small scoff at that. "My family was more of a stressor than a comfort back then, so I don't miss having them with me now at all. But dealing with some of the men has become more… intense lately."
"Like today, with Lord Houghton, he seemed to be standing quite close to you," Colin growled, a spark of anger in his eyes.
"It was fine. I was in no danger. My staff were nearby enough that I could have called to them if needed," Pen quickly said, wanting to calm Colin down.
He nodded slowly. "But why did you end up so wound up? Did he say or do something to upset you?"
Pen shook her head. "Some feelings have been building up in me the past few weeks, and today, it ended up coming out a little."
"What type of feelings?" Colin asked gently.
Pen shrugged a shoulder. "I can dismiss most of the men as ones that don't interest me much. It's easy to dance and chat with them in a friendly way. But with a small number of them, I'm starting to have deeper feelings for them, and having a hard time sorting that out."
"Deeper feelings? Like romantic feelings?" Colin's eyes widened.
Pen nodded. "Perhaps. But also perhaps other types of feelings."
Colin was confused at that, his head tilting to the side slightly. "Like what?"
She took another deep breath, thinking about how to explain it, as she let it out. Leaning closer, she whispered to Colin, as she didn't want any staff to hear. "Like a wife, who is missing the attentions of her husband."
It took a moment for the words to register with Colin. But when they did, she saw his eyes widen, and he pulled back, his face flushing a bit. He blinked a few times, seeming to collect himself.
"You are right. That is something not spoken about much in polite company," Colin said, a gentle joke to make them both relax.
Pen nodded. "And perhaps it's making me feel more for some men than they deserve. I don't want to get more involved with them, if that is the case."
"You are around me a lot. Am I making it worse? Making you feel more confused?" Colin asked.
"Oh, of course not, Colin," Pen chuckled, shaking her head. "We are friends. I don't think of you that way."
That made him catch his breath, leaning back against the settee. "I am a man too, Penelope."
She shrugged a shoulder. "You are just Colin to me. An old, dear friend. I don't have problems being around you."
Although she had always found him attractive, he had never given her any sign he was attracted to her in return. Her old girlhood fantasies about him had been romantic, not physical.
He sat back, mulling it all over. Pen worried she had said far too much, even for a friend.
"Um, perhaps I could help with that," Colin said softly, after glancing around the room to make sure they were still alone.
"What?" Pen asked, clearly confused.
"You just said you only see me as a friend. I could help you… release those built up physical feelings," Colin said softly, so only she would hear. "It wouldn't have to mean anything."
"Colin!" Pen said, clearly shocked at the idea.
"It would clear your head," Colin said softly, taking her hand in his to stroke soothingly. "Make sure you aren't getting involved with a man, thinking you like him more than he deserves, but because…"
Pen was silent, looking down at their joined hands. Was he actually suggesting… Did he really mean…. It was just too shocking, she could hardly process it.
After a few minutes, he urged her to speak. "What do you think?"
Eventually she dragged her eyes to meet his, afraid what her own would show. "I don't know about this, Colin…"
"Forgive me for speaking plainly," Colin started, giving her hand a squeeze. "But neither of us are virgins. We know what this would be about. It's just a friend helping another friend."
She was still very quiet, thinking this over, gazing out the window into her small garden. At least he was giving her time to consider it. But it was too crazy an idea. Could he really, really be offering such intimacies?
"I don't know about this, Colin," she eventually repeated, only glancing at him briefly this time.
Her answer didn't seem to deter him though. His jaw tightened, and he seemed willing to push on.
He gave her hand a small squeeze. "Is it because you are worried about, um, …getting with child?" They were delving into topics rarely discussed in polite company, he fumbled for the right words.
She was quiet again, thinking, and then gave a small shrug. She met his gaze, deciding to be as frank as he was being. "I don't think I can. Before he left, my husband certainly was very attentive, and I never conceived."
Colin was a little taken aback at this, but he soldiered on. "Well, I know ways that can reduce the chances anyways."
Surprisingly, that brought out a chuckle from Pen, and her eyes glinted with familiar humour. "Oh god, do you know all sorts of exotic techniques from your travels?"
He returned her grin. "Hardly," he replied, seeming glad that she had lightened things up a bit with her teasing.
Something about that caught her attention. She had always found him the most attractive when he was playful. The fact that they could chuckle together about this topic made her feel far less overwhelmed about it.
That reminded her of the discussion a few nights ago with Genevieve. What was the criteria she had given? Attractive? Yes, of course he was. Trustworthy? He was probably the man she trusted the most. Discrete? Well, she had never had to report any of his naughty actions in Whistledown, and he was too much of a flirt to have never stolen a kiss or two as a young man.
A good dancer? She tried not to blush, considering this. She had personal experience, knowing Colin was equally good at fast and slow dances. He adjusted to make his dance partner comfortable. He had excellent rhythm, following the tempo of the music perfectly.
And as a kisser… he was her first kiss, and frankly, her best kiss. Lord Debling was an affectionate, passionate man, but his kisses hadn't made sensations zing through her body the way Colin's had.
Pen turned to face him on the settee. "You know what? It's a good idea. I think we should do this."
"You do?" Colin was surprised, searching her face to see if she really meant it. She met his gaze directly, calmly. She had made her decision and felt comfortable with it.
He swallowed hard, seeming a little stunned.
Pen stood, and nodded at him. "Come tomorrow at midnight to the back door. My maid will let you in. She is trustworthy, and won't tell anyone."
Jumping to his feet, Colin looked at her awkwardly. After a moment, he held out his hand, like he had in her family's garden years ago, when he had promised to help her find a husband. And here he was, years later, offering her another service in the guise of a friend. A much more intimate service.
She raised an eyebrow at the gesture, but gave his hand a firm shake before releasing it. "Until tomorrow night, Mr. Bridgerton," she said softly.
He took his leave, looking dazed.
…
-A/N: It's a friend helping out a friend. That's all. Really.
-Poor Penelope is perhaps suffering what physicians used to called 'Hysteria' (see next note for more info). I'd like to think this Penelope was fairly sexual with her hubby, but maybe isn't as good at keeping her own needs fully satisfied.
-Vibrator History: Hysteria is a condition that was first mentioned in Greek medical texts around 2000 BC, and philosopher Plato shared the popular belief "that a woman's womb wandered throughout her body, causing a variety of medical problems by making contact with other organs like the lungs, liver, and brain." "Physicians diagnosed hysteria based on a long list of common symptoms including headache, forgetfulness, irritability, insomnia, writing cramps, hot flashes, excessive vaginal bleeding, heaviness in the limbs, usage of coarse language, severe cramping, difficulty breathing, desire for clitoral stimulation, hyper-promiscuity, mood swings, nausea, anxiety, drowsiness, loss of appetite, aging, back pain, swollen feet, cancer, organ failure, endometriosis, heart disease, epileptic fits, and what are now known as symptoms of depression, schizophrenia and other psychological disorders."
By the late 1800s, physicians believed that clitoral stimulation through medical pelvic massage could effectively reduce symptoms of hysteria. They did this with their hands, until the medical vibrator was invented, and used to more efficiently bring women to a hysterical paroxysm (orgasm). (Source: 'Medical Vibrators for Treatment of Female Hysteria', Embryo Project Encyclopedia).
There's a good 2011 film called 'Hysteria', starring Maggie Gyllenhaal, that is about the invention of the vibrator. There's also an excellent Polin fanfic on AO3 called "Dr. Bridgerton; or With his educated eyes, and his hand between my thighs" by queenofthecon, in which Penelope gets treated by Colin (a hysteria specialist) that is a fun, spicy read.