"My best friend from the 23rd century married a Klingon," Elle told Worf, in lieu of a good morning.
Worf nearly inhaled prune juice through the nose. "What?"
Elle sat on the bar stool next to him and repeated herself.
"Who is your friend?" Worf asked.
"Peter Kirk."
Worf took a bite of his omelet. "Your 'friend' pioneered Klingon-Federation civilities after the Khitomer accords," he said. "All his children have made great strides between the two peoples."
"I know," Elle said. "He sent me a bunch of records and family photos. Horribly cropped pictures of their wedding, though, I think they got corrupted in subspace or something. Anyway, I've been reading up on Klingons a lot since last night-"
"Instead of sleeping," Worf rumbled, vaguely admonishing.
"-And you said you were going to add me to your mok'bara class," Elle continued, unperturbed.
Worf frowned. "I did say that."
Elle regarded him steadily. "So?"
He slammed back the rest of his prune juice. "Three times a week, after Alpha Shift. Do not be late."
"Understood," Elle replied, and grinned as she watched him walk away. Nice.
-/\-
Forty minutes into the class, Elle was regretting every second of her life. "Aren't, Klingons, supposed to be, aggressive?" she asked, as the small class of teens and adults moved through the painstakingly-slow first form.
"You cannot go from standstill to battle charge without a solid foundation," Worf said, completely unphased. "These exercises strengthen your balance, strength, and coordination. Let's move to form two. Square your feet with your hips..."
Elle sighed. You get what you ask for. She probably should go see if Security had self-defense lessons besides... could she get this as her gym credit?
-/\-
Watching an android play chess was fascinating. "It is so cool that you picked up mannerisms and stuff," Elle told him, as Data responded to a move that Wesley made. "I can actually read your thoughts in your face. You're so cool, Data."
"My operating temperature is not that low," he replied. "But yes, it is cool."
Wesley and Elle laughed. Wesley's laugh faded. "Uh-oh."
Elle glanced around. "What?"
Wes lowered his voice. "Geordi had a big date with Christy tonight. He spent days putting together the perfect programme. Looks like it ended kind of early."
"Uh-oh," Data echoed.
Elle grimaced. "Poor Geordi. He has the worst dating life of anybody on this ship."
Wesley sniggered politely into his sleeve.
Data's comm beeped. "Commander Data to the Bridge immediately," Riker said crisply.
"Acknowledged." He glanced at Elle. "You may play the game out if you wish."
"Thanks, Data." She smiled at him and turned to Wesley. "Go easy on me, I'm not good at this game."
"You learned chess from Spock, I don't believe you," he replied.
"Yeah, and the only one who's ever won a game against him is the captain, Bones, and his dad," Elle replied, taking out Wesley's queen with her next move.
Wes narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't believe you," he repeated.
"Hey, Data set that one up, that wasn't me."
"Hmph."
They played to a draw, and then Wesley had to go to his shift in engineering. Elle went up to the bridge to see if anything exciting was happening.
"Approaching the source, Captain," Data was saying, as she entered the bridge.
"Put it on the viewer."
"A Promellian battle cruiser?" Worf asked.
"With its Lang-cycle fusion engines still intact," Picard said, with the starry eyes of a collector.
"Sensors indicate no life signs aboard, Captain," Data said.
Picard gave a wry smile. "I should think not, Mister Data. That ship belongs in a museum. I'm afraid we're a little late. That call for help was probably initiated over a thousand years ago." He smiled at Elle as she moved down the ramp. "Good timing. Have you studied the Orelious Wars?"
"No, I haven't." She eyed the ship on the viewscreen with interest. "I can't believe that's a thousand years old, it's perfectly preserved..."
"Like a ship in a bottle," Picard agreed.
"Sir?" Riker asked.
"The ship in the bottle. Model air ships. I used to build them when I was a child. I bet I had a Promellian battle cruiser too." Picard grinned in excitement. "Data, is the hull intact?"
"Yes, sir."
"Incredible. It's exactly as they left it."
Elle smiled at his excitement. "Captain Kirk had a schooner in a glass bottle, I used to stare at it all the time, wondering how they got it in there."
Picard grinned at her.
"How did they fit the ship in the bottle?" Data asked.
"The masts bent over and you could stand it up once it was inside," Elle replied. She frowned. "How did you get your model air ships into the bottles?"
"Very precise invisible joints," Picard replied. "Once it was in they snapped into place."
Troi was grinning.
"What?" Elle asked.
"Nothing," Troi said, still grinning.
"Didn't any of you have model ships when you were children?" Picard asked.
"I was never a child," Data said.
"I didn't play with toys," Worf sniffed, with all the imperiousness of a Klingon.
Riker gazed at Picard, poker-faced. "I wasn't born old at heart," he said.
Picard's jaw dropped. "I was not born old," he protested. "Elle, were you?"
"No," Elle said, making a face at Riker in defense of the captain. "But Captain Kirk had a thing about 1800's naval ships and tactics, hence the ships, so I read a lot about those times." She frowned contemplatively. "You actually remind me of Horatio Hornblower, one of the captains in those novels."
"I've read that," Picard said, appeased. "Not a bad comparison at all."
Elle pointed at the viewscreen. "So what's the deal with this ship? Why is it a collector's edition?"
"The Orelious Wars were legendary," Picard said, "went on for an entire decade between these two species and obliterated entire fleets, almost this entire sector. They were both notable tacticians, and they both died out with this final war. All we have left of them is their battlefields."
Elle forcibly restrained herself from making a "Let this be your last battlefield" reference - they wouldn't get it. "Wait, so is this asteroid field a debris field?" she asked, gaping at the chunks floating around them.
"Unfortunately, yes," Picard said. "But this ship is intact, and I intend to go over there-"
"Captain!" Riker said, scandalized in the way of an eighteenth-century madam whose just heard her daughter suggest holding hands with the butcher's boy. "You can't possibly be thinking of going over there."
Elle snickered silently as Picard turned to face Riker. That was a look that both her favorite captains shared: "I've made up my mind, the universe will now bend to my will, whether you like it or not Spock, Number One."
Riker sighed. "Sir-"
"Is the atmosphere on that ship still contained?" Picard asked Data.
"Yes, sir. It has the correct atmosphere to support humanoid lifeforms."
Riker sighed again. "Helm, put us into a holding position off the port bow," he ordered.
Picard smiled. "Mr. Worf, Mr. Data, if you would accompany me," he said.
"Yes sir, after we sweep the ship," Worf replied promptly, and his expression was "if you think I'm letting you off the ship without a full security team you are mistaken, Sir."
Elle watched, breathless, as the two glares had a standoff.
The lights flickered.
Riker turned sharply to Data. "What was that?" he demanded.
"It seems to be a power fluctuation," Data said.
The back of Elle's neck tingled, and she turned slowly to face the viewscreen again. Debris field. A perfectly preserved ship. "Why did they get stuck here, if there's nothing wrong with that ship?" she asked slowly.
Everyone turned to her. "Elle?" Troi asked.
"This feels familiar," Elle said slowly. "The ship in the bottle... I've heard it before."
The vaguely joking atmosphere vanished from the bridge. "Is this an episode?" Riker asked.
"I... I think so?" Elle said. "The power fluctuations, it's not normal. I know that." She paced a tight line behind the forward consoles, glaring at the viewscreen. "The debris field..." Her vision tracked a large chunk of debris that looked metallic in nature. "Minefield," she said abruptly. "It's a minefield. It's a booby trap. That's this episode! With Geordi's fake girlfr-" She clapped a hand over her mouth and turned scarlet. "Fake holodeck program," she finished lamely, which wasn't any better.
"Why is it a trap?" Picard asked, ignoring Riker's snort.
Elle forged on through her full-face blush. "Uhhh, there are some generators in thes debris, that drain energy from ships and direct radiation at them. That's why the Promellian cruiser is so pristine, and everybody's at their posts, there was nothing left to do. Nowhere to go."
"How did we escape in the episode?" Picard asked.
Elle opened her mouth, closed it again. Opened it. Something about Geordi's fake girlfriend providing the answer? She definitely couldn't say that. She closed her mouth again. "I don't know. Something about power consumption curves. I can try and meditate, find the rest of the episode in my memories."
"Do so," Picard ordered. "In the meantime, while we still have power, Mr. Data? Get us out of here."
"Aye, captain."
Nothing happened.
"Mr. Data?" Picard asked.
"We are experiencing an energy loss," Data said.
"Readouts indicate we are being bombarded with a field of high-intensity radiation," Worf said, a moment later.
Elle scowled. "Sorry," she muttered, tugging at her sleeves. "We're stuck here until we figure it out."
"Put the engines on standby," Picard said.
"Radiation decreasing," Worf reported, a moment later.
Elle offered up her last bit of present knowledge. "The less we feed it, the less radiation it'll send back, the more time we have."
Picard nodded. "Use my ready room," he said.
"Thank you, captain." Elle went to his ready room, and plopped into the chair. She stood up, dragged it to the side to be able to see his aquarium, and let the soothing motions of the fish melt away her anxieties until she could track back to her episodic memory.
Power surge this, power surge that. Stayed at their posts till the last... Captain's log a thousand years old... trap... radiation... dilithium crystal power curves... holodeck Utopia Planitia... Dr. Leah Brahms... flirting... press fast forward...Guinan. "You're trying too hard." No, that's out of order, go back to losing power... losing power, losing shielding... kill the booby trap... Geordi kissing ew fast-forward... next episode-
Elle opened her eyes, blinking at the lion fish confusedly. "I missed it," she said, rubbing at her temples.
"Missed what?"
Elle jumped, startled, and turned to look at Captain Picard, who was sitting at his desk sipping a cup of tea. "Captain! Uh, the solution. Sir. It wasn't in my run-through."
"That's a rather large plot point to miss," Picard said, tone carefully non-accusatory.
"I know," Elle half-wailed, "but I was more focused on Geordi's flirting with the hologram!" She face-palmed as the words registered in her brain.
Picard nearly snorted his tea up his brain. "Priorities," he said mildly.
"I was a kid!" Elle protested, flushing a bright red. "I knew you were going to be fine, you had seven seasons!"
"But did you watch the seasons more than once?" Picard asked. "Is there nothing else you can think of?"
"I can try again," Elle promised. The lights flickered and she glanced around nervously. "My face isn't going to melt off is it?"
"It's fine," Picard reassured her. "We're dropping to low power mode except for minimal shields until either Engineering or you come up with something."
She felt the pressure of a thousand lives and winced. "Yes, sir."
She closed her eyes and ran through the episode again. Her eyes snapped open. "Why would you make Wes give you the con?" she asked Picard.
"I wouldn't," he said, surprised. "Wesley is perfectly competent in almost any scenario."
"Yes, but in the episode you did, for some reason. Why?"
He frowned thoughtfully into his tea. "I suppose, if there was a situation that called for instinct and experience combined."
She nodded. "Something about low power, and you took the conn, and got us out of the field."
"Geordi has been working on a way to overpower the field," Picard mused. "Last he said was about having the computer make the calculations at warp nine, turn it over completely to the computer. But what if it's the opposite? Turn everything off but the thrusters and coast our way out of here?"
Elle nodded, the suggestions rising in familiarity. "I think, that's the same choice you faced in the episode." She bit her lip, thinking of Alexa. "The computer could do it. I'm sure she could. But it would take more energy than we might have, and I don't want anyone to get sick from the radiation."
Picard turned to look out the window. "Is this the choice you faced?" he asked the relic of milllenium past. "And you didn't make it fast enough?"
The Promellian ship didn't answer them.
"Maybe we can tow the battle cruiser with us," Elle suggested, watching his wistful expression.
Picard shook his head. "We don't have the power to spare. It was a remarkable find, but I have the feeling the captain of that ship wouldn't thank me for trying to salvage it when it would put others lives at risk." He gave her a crooked smile. "You mentioned that you read history and tactics of the 1800's?"
"Cannons," Elle said brightly.
He laughed. "I was thinking torpedoes." He ushered her onto the bridge. "We have a solution," he declared. "Commander La Forge to the bridge."
Once the decision was made, it was simple. Wesley ceded the conn to the captain, and Captain Picard maneuvered the Enterprise skillfully through the dense debris field. Even Data held his breath, but before they knew it, they were out.
"Ready the cannons, Mr. Worf," Picard said mildly.
"Cannons?" Worf asked, nonplussed.
Elle snorted.
"I think it's time to destroy the trap," Picard said. "Fire photon torpedoes when ready."
Worf did so. "With pleasure, captain."
Two lights shot away from the Enterprise a moment later, and the debris field went up in a cloud of vaporized particles.
In the silence, Elle said, "I gotta admit though, I like the Pride and Prejudice side of the 1800's better than the naval history side."
Wesley wrinkled his nose. "Isn't that a romance story?" he asked, sliding back into his seat at the helm.
"It's a romantic satire," Picard said. "Actually very interesting."
"I prefer the novels with duels in them," Worf said, surprising everybody.
"You've read Jane Austen, Worf?" Riker asked, looking delighted.
"Fighting for honor is a noble topic," Worf said sternly.
"I'm not disputing that," Riker said hastily. "We watched it together once, didn't we?" He looked at Troi.
She grinned. "Yes, we did."
"See, Wes?" Elle said, poking him in the shoulder. "You gotta watch it. It's part of our culture."
He scowled. "No thanks."
"If you watch it we can watch Master and Commander afterwards," Elle offered.
"Ugh but if we watch it my mom's going to want to see it-"
"Movie night," Riker suggested. "We can use the silver screen, make it a double showing."
"I'm in," Troi said, smothering a grin as Wesley groaned.
"You'll like the second movie, Worf, it's about honor and duty to one's country," Picard said.
Wesley glared at Elle. See what you did?
She smirked at him.
"Maybe you can invite that nice lieutenant from Ops," Riker suggested to Geordi, his eyes lighting mischevously. "You know. We can keep the lights low."
"Commander!" Geordi complained.
Elle fled the bridge, cackling.