"Hey, Wesley?"

"Yeah?"

"I have an idea for changing something," Elle said slowly. "But I have to ask you something."

"Okay? Computer, pause simulation." He swiveled in the copilot's seat to face her. "What's up?"

Elle twisted her face into an exaggerated frown, trying to think of the best way to word this. "You like Captain Picard, right? Respect him? And stuff?"

"Of course," Wesley said. "He's the captain."

"But like, as a father figure, maybe?" Elle pressed.

Wesley frowned at his PADD. "Well, yeah," he said, after a moment. "He's always been there for mom and me."

"And," Elle frowned. "So, okay, so like, so here's my dilemma. In the tv show and the movies, they don't get together until like, ten, fifteen years from now. And the producers themselves said it was only because they didn't want to close the characters off from episodes and plots and stuff. But in real life, they're not like that. And it's not good for real emotional stability. And stuff. So, I was wondering, could I have your permission to give them a couple of, you know, nudges?"

Wesley blinked. And blinked again. And shook his head and blinked again. "My mom, and Captain Picard?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh." He sat back in his chair, stunned.

"I wouldn't say anything about it if you say no," Elle said hastily.

"You saw them kissing didn't you?"

Elle made a face. "No!" She gasped. "Did you?"

Wesley blushed to the roots of his hair. "They went to dinner and were walking back and I saw them holding hands. They meet for breakfast together every Thursday but they never have dinner at the food courts together. Is that why you're asking? What happened?"

"It was when we were on Rutia," Elle said. "They didn't know if we were going to get out alive or not. And so..."

"So?" Wesley echoed, his voice cracking.

"So it was really awkward and there may have been an "I love you, I know" situation but I was like, twelve inches away and trying not to third-wheel, so..." Elle waved her hands frantically. "So yeah."

"My mom," Wesley said slowly, "and Captain Picard."

Their simulation shuttlecraft floated through space for a long moment.

"And you said that later, they get married and stuff?"

"Yeah," Elle said. "After Deanna and Will."

"Huh." Wesley blew out a long breath. "Well, I guess I had seen this coming. It's kinda weird, but, I don't know. I could get used to it." He grinned at her. "That makes us step-siblings! I always wanted a sister."

They fist-bumped. "Nice," Elle said. "It's like space age Parent Trap. Except we're not twins. And they were never estranged."

"Parent Trap?"

Elle sighed. "This whole ship's movie education is severely lacking."

"You should plan a sleepover," Wesley said. "Invite all the teenagers. We can have it in one of the smaller rec decks with one of the big screens."

"Ooh, good idea." Elle giggled. "We should invite the captain."

"He would die just thinking about it."

"But it would be funny."

Wesley grinned.

-/\-

"Elle Wilcott, please report to the bridge. Elle Wilcott to the bridge."

Elle blushed when everyone in the class turned to look at her.

"You're excused," the teacher said, waving her away.

Elle put her PADD in her desk and bolted out of the classroom. This was the first time she'd been called to the bridge-what episode was this? What would they need her for?

The turbolift opened onto the bridge and Elle stepped out, tugging her shirt down. "Reporting as ordered, captain."

"My dear Eleanor!" came a familiar voice, and before Elle could move, Q embraced her. "It's good to see you, my dear girl." He stepped back, smiling smugly. "Now tell Jean-Luc I'm telling the truth."

Elle continued gaping at him. "You know me?" she asked.

"Of course I know you! Kirk's favorite child, Spock's first protege, the champion of the tribble species. You've had so many adventures, saved so many people, entire races, how could I, humanity's most ardent fan, not know about you?"

Elle raised an eyebrow and stepped back. "Uh-huh. So what are you doing here, then? What's the game?"

Riker spoke up, skepticism oozing from every pore. "He says he's human."

Elle's eyes widened. "Did he came out of thin air, uh, naked?"

"It was very disconcerting," Q informed her.

Elle facepalmed, trying to ignore her bright red blush. "He's not lying," she informed the captain. "He's actually human."

"Thank you," Q said. "I've been trying to tell them that but they don't believe me."

"That's cuz your track record is terrible," Elle said dryly. She looked at the captain. "He's been kicked out of the continuum for poking too many hornet's nests. Chose to be human because he's fond of us, for some reason. Plus he totally knows that other species are gonna come after him and he wants protection."

"Elle!" Q complained.

"What? If you know me, you know I tell it like it is." She looked back at Picard and Riker, who looked far too amused at the situation. "For the record, he really is powerless, alone, and friendless. And he's going to behave." She side-eyed Q. "Right?"

"Right," he agreed fervently.

She glanced at Picard. "I need to talk to you, captain, alone."

"Very well." Picard gave Q a wary glance and ushered her into his ready room. "What is it?"

Elle tugged at her shirt, unconsciously mimicking him. "Well, I don't know if I should say, but, Q won't be here forever. He needs to do a selfless act and his powers will be restored. I don't think I should tell you what it is, so it'll be completely authentic."

"Authentic?"

Elle waved a hand. "He's under observation."

Picard frowned. "And in the meantime we have to put up with him."

"Yes, sir. Sorry."

"Is he responsible for this rogue moon?" Picard asked, gesturing out the viewport to the unstable moon on a collision course for its planet.

"No," Elle replied.

Picard nodded. "Then, if he wants to be human, let him be human. In the brig. Until we can figure it out."

Elle nodded. "Your decision, captain. Certainly can't hurt."

They went back to the bridge. "Done sharing secrets?" Q asked, giving Elle a scowl.

"Pretty much," Elle said cheerfully.

"Well captain?" Q asked.

"Fine, Q. If you want to be human so much... Worf, take him to the brig," Picard ordered.

"With pleasure," Worf rumbled, grabbing Q.

"Hey!" Q shot Elle a betrayed glare.

She raised her hands. "Wasn't my suggestion. You've annoyed them too many times."

Q dragged his heels as he was dragged towards the turbolift. "I refuse to go anywhere without my lawyer. Elle!"

"Minors cannot be legal representation in the Federation," Data stated.

"It was an expression," Q snapped, bracing his arms on the turbolift. "I'll play nice, but I want Elle with me. She's the only one of you humans I trust won't try and throw me out an airlock."

Picard sighed and looked at Elle. "It's your choice," he said. "You are under absolutely no obligation to deal with, that."

Elle glanced at Q. He looked smug as always, but she knew he was terrified. "I think I'd better," she decided. "All my schoolwork can be done from a PADD anyways." She got in the turbolift with Worf and Q.

"At least someone loves me," Q sniffed dramatically. "I never should have picked human. I knew it the minute I said it. To think of the future in this shell. Forced to cover myself with fabric because of some outdated human morality. To say nothing of being too hot or too cold, growing feeble with age, losing my hair, catching a disease, being ticklish, sneezing, having an itch, a pimple, bad breath. Having to bathe." He shuddered. "Elle, have you ever sneezed? What's it like?"

She blinked at him. "...Like sneezing."

Q shuddered. "Ugh, the humanity."

Worf rolled his eyes.

"You're gonna be fine," Elle said calmly, patting him on the arm. "And at some point, I will definitely get someone to replicate you new clothes. You look like a piece of dead avocado."

"Charming," Q muttered.

Elle went to get her PADD from the classroom and then rejoined Q. He was in a cell in the brig, curled up in the corner of the bed having a truly massive sulk. Elle sat down with her back against the guard station and continued her homework.

"What's that?" Q finally asked, his patience having held out for thirteen seconds.

"If I tell you, you'll laugh."

"What is it?"

"Theoretical physics," Elle said.

Q laughed. "Ah, yes, humans. What do you think is so theoretical?"

She showed him the work.

Q scoffed. "I could do that in half a second."

"If you had your powers," Elle pointed out. "We don't have your powers, so until we do, it'll stay theoretical. To humans, anyway."

"An important distinction," Q observed. "Good. I'm glad to see your skills were born early."

Elle gave him a sharp look. "What does that mean?"

He waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, nothing, nothing. I used to be omnipotent, you know."

She squinted at him suspiciously. "Do you know my future?"

"I know all futures," Q said, giving her an imperious eyebrow. He scowled. "Well at least I did, but trying to fit everything in this mortal human brain is impossible. I'm sure I've forgotten everything important." He dropped his head back against the wall. "This is ridiculous. How long do I have to stay in here?"

"Till the captain thinks you're not a threat," Elle replied, swiping to the next page.

"When is that?"

"I don't know."

"I'm bored," he complained.

"Take a nap."

"What's a nap?"

"It's where you close your eyes and think of nothing," Elle replied. "A human version of putting a computer on standby."

"I can do that," Q said, pleased. "That's easy."

"Try it," Elle challenged.

"I will." He folded his arms, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes. "Nothing... nothing ...what's fishing?..." He fell silent.

Elle patted herself on the back and went on to her next lesson.

A few minutes later, Q let out a soft snore and slumped further down on the bed until he tipped all the way over. He didn't even stir.

Elle snorted and took a picture with her PADD. "Priceless," she whispered.

Forty minutes later, a strange light filled the ship and Elle froze as the beam swept over her body and concentrated into a globe above Q's back. It disappeared. Here we go...

Q came to thirty minutes later. He bolted upright and nearly fell off the bed, flailing. "What happened?" he demanded, pushing the hair out of his eyes. "What happened? I lost consciousness! Elle! Was I drugged? Did you drug me?!"

"No, you fell asleep," Elle said.

"You said I would take a nap!"

"A nap is a short sleep," Elle explained.

He stared at her, horrified. "And you do this every day?"

"Yup. For a whole eight hours."

"That's ridiculous."

Elle shrugged. "Maybe, but it works."

Picard entered the brig. Elle stood. "How's it going?" Picard asked.

"He fell asleep," Elle reported.

"Fascinating," Picard said dryly.

Elle leaned against the wall and watched Q and Picard banter their way through a bargain.

"This is getting on my nerves, now that I have them. You have a moon in a deteriorating orbit. I've known moons through the universe. Big ones, small ones. I'm an expert. I could help you with this one, if you let me out of here."

"Q, there are millions of lives at risk. If you have the power to-"

Q scowled. "I don't have any powers! But I have the knowledge, locked up in this puny brain. You cannot afford to not take that advantage, can you?"

Picard looked at Elle. "Is this worth the trouble to my ship and crew?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, it actually is."

Picard nodded. "So be it." He looked at Q. "Mister Data, report to detention cell three. Computer, remove the forcefield. If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to earn our trust."

"I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc. You only dislike me. There are others in the cosmos who truly despise me."

"Way to sell it," Elle added dryly.

Data entered the room. "Sir?"

Picard sighed. "Mister Data, you are hereby assigned to Q for the remainder of his stay. You will escort him to Mister La Forge in Engineering."

"Aye, sir."

"And Elle!" Q demanded. "I'm keeping Elle!"

Picard glanced at her. "You don't have to stay."

Elle bit her lip. She could leave, let Data handle Q and his drama, but once he got his powers back, maybe he could send her home? Or give her some sort of power-up like he did for Voyager? She couldn't afford to ignore the possibility. Plus, the non-selfish part of her amended, Q actually did need a friend. That was an essential part of human-ness. "I'll stay," she decided.

"As you wish." Picard left, muttering under his breath about omnipotent beings.

Q piped up, looking pleased, "Can I have a Starfleet uniform?"

"No," Elle said flatly. "You can have something that's not a one-piece jumpsuit though."

"Hm." He frowned at Data. "What are you staring at?"

"I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth, that you really are human."

"Oh, he is," Elle said, at the same time Q said,

"It's the ghastly truth, Mister Data. I can now stub my toe with the best of them."

"An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be."

Elle gave Data a side hug. "Leave him alone," she warned Q, as the three of them left the brig.

"But why? Humans are such commonplace little creatures. They roam the galaxy looking for something, they know not what. They're like cockroaches, they never die."

"That's true," Elle pointed out.

"The human race has an enduring desire for knowledge, and for new opportunities to improve itself."

Q shrugged. "There's certainly room for improvement, but the truth is, Data, they are a minor species in the grand scheme. Not worth your envy."

"Oh, I do not feel envy. I feel nothing at all. That is part of my dilemma. I have the curiosity of humans, but there are questions I will never have the answer to. What is it like to laugh, or cry, or to experience any human emotions."

Q huffed. "Well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked up to be."

"That's because you've never seen The Princess Bride," Elle said. "You know what, we should watch that, you'd like it."

"Perhaps after we have completed our current mission," Data reminded them.

"Oh yeah."

They stopped by the quartermaster's for new clothes for Q - dark blue slacks and a white shirt. "More your colors?" Elle asked.

"Yes, thank you. Now, where's your engineering department?"