A/N: I'm a day late, I went into Joann's Fabrics and got distracted by the paints :)
"Captain."
"Yes?"
"This is your favorite play."
"Yes?"
"Why do you look like you bit into a poorly paired cheese and olive situation?"
Picard turned away from the holo-program to give Elle an incredulous look. "What?"
She sniggered to herself. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. But seriously, you look like you have a headache. Something wrong?"
Picard deflated into his seat. "We will be attending the biennial Trade Agreements Conference."
Elle wrinkled her nose. "Ew politics."
"On Betazed," he added.
Elle's jaw dropped. "Deanna's mom is gonna be there?"
He nodded grimly.
"But you're with Beverly," Elle pointed out. "She's not gonna bother you."
Picard dropped his face into his hand. "That woman delights in tormenting me. You know this, Elle."
She stifled a giggle. "Sorry." Then she realized something and gasped. "Oh no. She's a telepath."
"Yes I know."
"No," Elle said, grabbing his arm, "she can't read my mind! She'll know!"
"Know what?"
"Stuff!"
"Elle, don't you have mental shields?" Picard asked.
She blinked. "Ah. But I'm not an actual telepath. Do I have strong enough shields?"
"That would be a question for Counselor Troi, Elle."
Elle frowned. "I'm still not helping you distract Mrs. Troi from bothering you."
Picard scowled. "You're demoted."
"I'm a civilian."
He poked her in the side. "Hush, we're watching a movie."
She poked him back, and he let out a very uncaptainly squeak.
-/\-
Elle had a plan. As soon as the first delegate showed up, she was going to take a shift in engineering babysitting the plasma manifolds so that one of the engineers would be able to take shore leave on Betazed. Was this bribery, baiting ensigns with shore leave? Probably. Shirking of duty? Definitely. Did Elle care? Nope.
"Elle!"
She cringed at the sound of Commander Riker's voice and kept walking. Maybe she could just...
"Elle!" He jogged around the corner and caught up to her. "Hi!"
She eyed him warily. "No," she said.
"I want you to be present for the reception this evening," Riker continued, uncaring.
"I can't," Elle said.
"Why not?"
"I have a shift in engineering."
"No you don't."
"I'm about to."
He sighed. "Elle, c'mon. The more people there to distract the representatives the less we each have to socialize. It is a finely tuned algorithm."
"Greater than seven is not an algorithm," Elle retorted.
He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Elle. Please. It's diplomats. You have to be there." He gave her the pleading puppy eyes. They should not have been effective.
She groaned. "Fine."
"Good. I'll send you the list of reps." He gave her a jaunty salute and walked away, whistling in the most irritating manner.
Elle sighed.
-/\-
"I thought you were going to be in Engineering?" Geordi asked, coming up to Elle at the bar in Ten-Forward.
Elle sipped at her sparkling apple juice. "I was... Commander Riker asked me to be here."
"Keepin' an eye on the Ferengi?"
"Half," Elle said, pointedly not looking at where Deanna and Deanna's mom were sitting at a table.
Geordi wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Come play Terraces with us, it'll be more fun."
She let him lead the way to where Wesley and Data were playing the board game. Across the aisle, Riker and a Ferengi were playing chess.
"Elle," Wesley said, pleased. "Wanna play? Data just pummeled me into the ground."
"I did you no physical harm," Data protested.
Elle grinned. "Sure." She reset the pieces and laid out her opening strategy, keeping an ear out for raised voices.
"Elle, pay attention," Wesley complained as he captured another of her pieces.
"I am paying attention," Elle retorted, glancing at DaiMon Tog, who was talking to another Ferengi. "You're the distraction."
Geordi snorted. "Ouch."
Elle smothered a grin. "Sorry. Didn't mean it like that." She turned to watch Deanna hustle out of Ten-Forward, and gaped as Tog headed towards Lwaxana Troi. "He's actually gonna try it, wow..." She stood up. "Scuse me, I have to go prevent a murder."
She got to them just as Picard managed to escape with Commisioner Grax. Coward!
Tog was saying, "Lwaxana Troi. I desire yo-"
"Hey mom," Elle said loudly, putting her arm around Lwaxana's waist and leaning into her. "Can we go? I have to study for my test in the morning." Silently she said, Play along, please.
"Of course, my darling," Lwaxana said, wrapping an arm around Elle's shoulders. "Can't miss your test, after all."
Tog eyed Elle like a particularly annoying insect and then turned his fawning attention back to Lwaxana. "As I was saying, your Betazoid skills would be very useful to me, and I find you very attractive. I am willing to pay handsomely for you."
Elle spoke up before Lwaxana could get outraged. "Don't you know that my mother is the Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?" she demanded, putting on her poshest tone.
Tog blinked.
"By speaking to her without going through the proper channels you dishonor the fifth house of Betazed," Elle continued solemnly. "And the memory of my dear, departed, father. Commisioner Grax would not be pleased you are speaking directly of such things when the wound is so, fresh."
That flustered him. "Oh. I see." He cleared his throat. "Well. I hope that, once the mourning is over, we may revisit the topic. Every female has her price."
"Not when you've been struck by true love," Elle said, managing a very convincing teary sniffle. "Right, mom?"
"Yes, of course, dear," Lwaxana said, patting Elle's cheek. "If you'll excuse us, Mr. Tog, was it?" She ushered Elle away.
Elle managed to turn and watch Tog go back to his second-in-command. They grumbled to each other and Tog looked discouraged instead of determined. Good.
They got most of the way down the corridor before Elle stepped away from Mrs. Troi and tapped her commbadge. "Elle to Worf."
"Worf here. What's wrong?"
"The Ferengi will be leaving shortly. Can you make sure they actually leave the system and don't circle back?" Elle asked.
"Acknowledged," Worf said. "Worf out."
Elle smiled. "Thank you for playing along, Mrs. Troi. Excuse me." She hustled away.
Lwaxana followed. "Now hold on a second. Who are you? And how did you know the Ferengi was going to do that? They're immune to telepathy."
"They're not immune to pyschology," Elle said, waving a hand vaguely.
"Oh, you're the little civilian consultant Deanna was telling me about," Lwaxana said, still following her.
"Yes," Elle said, giving her a pained smile. "Elle Wilcott, ma'am. Nice to meet you. Excuse me." She tried to slip into the turbolift.
Lwaxana slipped in after her. She was fast. "I hear you're also to thank for getting Jean-Luc and his Beverly together."
Elle was going to have stern words with Deanna about gossip.
"Oh, pshaw, that was the first thing I read on Jean-Luc, as soon as I saw him," Lwaxana said, waving a hand. "Deanna doesn't tell me anything interesting."
Elle violently resisted sniggering.
"Speaking of which, do you know if she's seeing anyone?" Lwaxana asked.
Elle blinked. "Shouldn't you ask your daughter about that?"
"You know how she is, my little one is so delicate about her personal life."
"Well, Mrs. Troi, I really don't think you have to worry," Elle said, as the turbolift doors opened to guest quarters. "Deanna and Commander Riker will get married and have kids eventually."
"You know this for a fact?" Lwaxana asked, trailing after her, eyes alight with curiosity.
"I do know this for a fact," Elle confirmed. "It's like I've already seen it happen." She stopped in front of a set of doors and opened them. "Your quarters, ma'am."
Lwaxana stepped into her quarters. "Oh, thank you," she said.
Elle smiled, stepped out of the door sensor range, and booked it down the hallway as soon as the doors finished closing. She bumped into Troi and Riker, who were coming back from one of the observation lounges.
Deanna took one look at Elle's wild gaze and sighed. "You were with my mother," she deduced.
"Saving her from the Ferengi," Elle confirmed. "You may want to have her security keep an eye out for DaiMon Tog."
"Why?" Riker asked warily.
"He thinks she's fascinating."
Riker wrinkled his nose. "And?"
"And in the episode the three of you get kidnapped and she convinces him to let you go and then Picard has to play jilted lover and get her back, and-" Elle waved a hand. "You know."
"And you didn't think that this was worth mentioning at the pre-conference briefing?" Riker asked, part-horrified, part-amused.
Elle winced. "The whole episode was so ridiculous that I didn't even think it was real! I thought it was another Barclay situation! I mean, come on, right? Who would be dumb enough to offer to buy a Betazoid representative in the middle of a conference? And then DaiMon Tog actually went up to her earlier, but hopefully I headed him off at the pass. Counselor, if anyone asks, I'm your younger half-sister and your mother is still grieving my father, okay? So she's not open to any new relationships."
Troi smothered a grin. "Smart," she said.
"Back to the Ferengi," Riker intervened.
Elle sighed.
-/\-
Turns out the Ferengi did actually leave the star system, and their projected course put them on track to leave the sector entirely. Picard managed to convince Riker and Troi to take shore leave on Betazed, and the Enterprise left to starmap the Eridani stellar nursery.
"All those gamma radiation bursts," Elle said, looking at the holo-projection of the nursery. "Almost makes you wanna create a Hulk. Wouldn't that be cool?"
"No," La Forge said flatly.
"Geordi, you're no fun. How about it, Wes?"
Wesley was staring at his datapad.
"Wesley?" Geordi prompted.
He looked up, starry-eyed. "The results came in. The Academy written exams. I passed."
"Wes!" La Forge grabbed him in a hug. "Congratulations!" He patted him on the back. "You just have to get through oral exams and you're in!"
"Yeah, I..." he looked stunned.
Elle grinned and patted him on the arm. "Take a second. Let it sink in."
His datapad beeped with an incoming summons. "Captain wants to see me," Wesley said.
"Go," La Forge said.
He went off.
La Forge looked at Elle expectantly.
"What?" Elle asked. "You think he's not gonna pass his oral exams?"
"You tell me," La Forge said.
Elle snorted. "Well, if there isn't a Troi-napping and we manage to get back to Betazed on time, then he'll be on his way by the end of this week." She paused. "By the end of this week," she repeated, and trailed off. With Wesley gone, what would happen in the episodes between here and "Final Mission"? Did the Enterpise need his expertise during the Battle of Wolf 359?
"Elle?"
"Hold on," Elle said, brushing past the central island. "I gotta go think about this..."
"And, my interns are gone," La Forge said glumly. The closing doors shut off the rest of his complaints.
Elle went to the nearest officer's lounge and went inside. She sat down cross-legged on the sofa and closed her eyes. She opened up her memories of the episodes and went through the next handful of them, skimming for Wesley's appearances.
She came out of her meditation with the conclusion. Wesley was good to go. If they really did need an off-the-wall solution, he was only a comm call away, anyway. Right?
She tipped her head up to regard the ceiling. "Q?" she asked. "Any assistance?"
None of the Q deigned to reply.
Elle sighed and got to her feet. "Alexa, tell Moira we need to start planning a goodbye party, won't you?"
"Captain Picard has already informed the Rec Chief," Alexa replied.
"Oh." Elle grinned. "Awww, he's gonna miss him."
"Well, it is his almost step-child," Alexa pointed out.
"True." Elle left the lounge and went back to engineering.
La Forge gave her a Look. "Done thinking?" he asked dryly.
She gave a mock salute. "Sir!"
He pointed at the board. "Go monitor the gamma spikes."
-/\-
The Enterprise finished their brief starmapping and returned to Betazed. Once Commander Riker and Counselor Troi were beamed up, Elle headed to Ten-forward. It was Wesley's goodbye party. The USS Bradbury was already in orbit, and they'd be leaving to Earth at midnight. "Should call you Cinderella," Riker teased, patting Wesley on the back. "Gone at the stroke of midnight."
"I just hope you don't leave a shoe behind," Dr. Crusher said, smiling. "I'm not shipping it all the way to Earth."
Elle sidled over to Captain Picard, who was standing there with a glass of wine in his hand and looking supremely uncomfortable at the thought of Feelings. "Gonna make a speech, sir?" she asked.
"Oh Great Bird, no," he said.
Elle sniggered into her own glass of iced green tea. "Don't worry. I've got the speech handled."
He eyed her warily. "I don't know if I should be intrigued or terrified."
"Both," Elle said, giving him a grin. "I even come with pre-approved hecklers."
"Does this have anything to do with the anonymous poll set up on the intership chats?" he asked, proving that he did, in fact, have a personal account on the common forums like everyone else (no matter how much he tried to deny it, sir).
"I can neither confirm nor deny," Elle said, in her best Spock-poker-face.
He rolled his eyes.
There was cake, and after cake, it was time for Elle to give her speech. Data moved aside so she could stand next to Wesley. "Oh no," Wes said, but he was grinning.
She saluted him with her glass. "Wesley, as your older, wiser, half-adopted sibling of the Enterprise-" she started.
"I'm older than you!" he protested.
"-I'm ninety-three, be quiet," Elle replied, to general snickering. "I have made it my solemn duty to find and collate the most useful advice for surviving and thriving in Star Fleet, starting with the Academy. Hopefully it keeps you alive until you manage to rejoin us in space."
People cheered.
"Let's see here," Elle said, consulting her datapad with a theatrical flourish. She met Wesley's gaze. This one was actually important. "Number one. Every decision you make has consequences. Make sure you can live with them."
Wesley blinked at her, startled.
"Number two," Elle said, and smirked. "Never eat the mystery meat in the cafeteria. You won't like those consequences."
The startled-somber mood vanished in a burst of jeers, applause, and laughter. "No really, don't eat it!" cried one of the engineers.
Elle stifled a giggle and said, "Number three. Every Sunday, call your mom."
"Hear hear!" Dr. Crusher said, laughing.
"I will, I promise," Wesley said. "Maybe not every Sunday..."
"Boo!" came the general response, and Dr. Crusher wiped away a fake tear.
"Number four," Elle continued, grinning. "And this is the most important one, as we all know. When in doubt, ask yourself, What would Captain Picard do? And do that."
This was greeted with cheers, and Elle retired to the sidelines to let Geordi say something about what not to say to your roommate, based on his own unfortunate experiences.
At 1130, everyone said their final goodbyes and scattered, and the senior officers and Elle escorted Wesley down to the transporter room. "The Bradbury's asking for you to beam over," O'Brien said, when they all piled in. "Last call, Ensign."
"Thank you, chief." Wesley gave a little grin. "Bye, I guess."
All the senior officers got one last hug, and even the captain allowed himself to be hugged. "I'm proud of you," Picard said stiffly.
Wesley went starry-eyed. "Thank you, captain."
Dr. Crusher hugged her son one more time. "Call us when you get to Earth," she said.
"I will, mom. Love you."
"Love you, too."
Wesley looked at Elle. "Bye, I guess."
She hugged him. "Bye, Wes. We'll see you soon." She stepped back, mustering up a grin. "Go visit Scotty once in a while, he needs some crazy in his life."
"I will," Wesley said. He stepped up on the transporter dais. "See you guys. Energize."
And he was gone.
"Bradbury reports he's safely on board," O'Brien said. "They're leaving for Earth."
Elle sighed. "One day, he's a little brat, the next, he's off to the Academy. Kids these days grow up so fast."
Deanna put an arm around her shoulders. "Should we go be sad with the leftover ice cream?"
"Sounds good to me," Elle said cheerfully.