A/N: I was on migraine medication for half of this chapter but I regret nothing :)

Elle surveyed the chaos of the living room with mounting delight. "Data, you're turning into bridezilla and you're not even getting married!"

Keiko smothered a laugh. "He's being very thorough," she said and covered her face with her hands.

Data honest-to-space pouted. "I am taking my responsibilities seriously," he said.

"And we appreciate it very much," Keiko assured him. "You've taken a lot of stress off of me."

Data looked relieved.

"Speaking of which, how can I help?" Elle piped up.

-/\-

If Elle never saw tulle again in her life it'd be too soon.

"You can always go help Lt. Juarez through labor," Guinan suggested, patting Elle's head. She set down a mango smoothie. "Here. Drown your sorrows."

Elle lifted her head from the table. "Lt. Juarez is already in labor? Who won the pot?"

"Lt. Goldstein won the 'going into labor' pot, now we're trying to figure out exactly when the baby will arrive."

"Stuck in transit," Elle said, and cracked up at her own joke.

Guinan smiled. "Something like that. You can tell Data that the catering schedule is ready to go. Just gotta press a button."

"Awesome, thanks. The wedding rehearsal is in two hours."

"I know. I'm the one who convinced Data the rehearsal doesn't have to be a four-course meal." Guinan grinned. "It's adorable."

"I know," Elle said fondly.

Elle drank her smoothie and went to go curl her hair and wrangle herself into a pretty dress and her combat-rated lace-up ankle boots. "What do you think, Simba? Good for rehearsal?"

Simba purred from underneath Elle's discarded sweater.

"Whoops." Elle pulled the sweater off and pressed a kiss to Simba's floof. "Okay, behave!" She headed out, and found Data attempting to reason with a panicking Keiko. "Uh..."

"I can't do it," Keiko was saying, pacing in a tight circle, her skirt swooshing back and forth.

"You do not wish to rehearse?" Data asked, confused.

"No, I'm calling off the wedding."

Elle's jaw dropped. So did Data's. "May I ask why?" Data asked, blinking rapidly, which was Data-emote for 'calibrating emotional response, please hold.'

"It's just the right thing to do," Keiko said helplessly.

"Have your feelings for Chief O'Brien changed?" Data pressed.

"I'm supposed to be getting married, Data!" Keiko half-wailed. "I should be happy, but I'm not. I just feel this weight pressing down on me."

"Will canceling the wedding make you happy?" Data asked.

"Yes! No? I don't know!" Keiko noticed Elle and pointed. "Elle, tell him!"

Elle held up her hands. "Tell him what? I just got here!"

"I can't do it! Tell him this is the episode, and what to say to Miles," Keiko said and collapsed into a chair to hide her face.

Data turned to Elle expectantly. "This is an episode?" he asked.

Elle sighed and pulled him over to the corner of the room. "Yes, it's an episode and she marries Miles all right, but at this point in the episode she's got cold feet."

"Cold feet," Data said. "Jitters. A nervous reaction to an impending event of great importance."

"Yes, exactly. She does love Miles and she still wants to marry him, she just needs to be reminded of that fact."

"I don't feel comfortable stating that in an appropriate manner," Data said. "Would you speak to her?"

Elle blanked. "Me?" This was the beginning of a bad joke. An android and an angsty teen walk into a wedding rehearsal with a cold-footed bride... No. Focus Elle. What would Picard do?

Leave, the rational part of her brain said.

Elle whacked her forehead. NOT helpful. Okay. Okay. What would Captain Kirk do?

Probably say something about 'love is like a starship'.

EQUALLY NOT HELPFUL. Note to self, fire that specific brain cell. She took a deep breath. Nothing for it but good old-fashioned nineties romcom supportive brunette best friend approach. "Go get Counselor Troi as backup," she muttered. "Don't say anything to Miles." She approached Keiko, who was staring blankly at the floor. "Keiko, are you breathing?" she asked.

Keiko sniffed. "I'm calling it off," she said. "I'm really calling it-"

"No, you're not," Elle said.

Keiko's head snapped up. "Wh-"

"This is an episode," Elle said soothingly, kneeling in front of Keiko and grabbing her hands gently. "An episode called Data's Day, where we see a beautiful wedding and reception take place through Lt. Commander Data's eyes. He's the most objective person on board for such a nicely emotional day, don't you think?"

Keiko sniffled. "I suppose."

"Right," Elle said. "Here's the thing, Keiko, that horrible, awful feeling you've got? It's just indigestion. You didn't sleep well because you were so excited, you haven't eaten all day, you've got on a nice dress, you don't want to spill anything on it, you have to be up in front of people this evening and tomorrow, it's okay. You're stressed."

Keiko sniffed again. "You think so?"

"I know so," Elle said. "Listen, do you want a spoiler about the future?"

She nodded.

Elle leaned in close. "You guys are going to get married and be the happiest, most stable relationship I've ever seen in my life. Riker and Troi? They got nothing on you. Your guys' relationship is the backbone of an entire future show. You guys are gonna get married and have a kid later on and Miles will always come home to you at the end of the episode."

"Really?" Keiko asked, her eyes filling up with tears. Hopefully the good kind.

"Really really," Elle assured her. She squeezed Keiko's hands and went to the replicator. "Plate of dry saltine crackers, a perfectly ripe banana, and a cup of bone broth, medium-hot," she ordered. With the items in hand, she placed them in front of Keiko. "Eat that, wash your face, and I'll help you retouch your makeup. You got this."

"I got this," Keiko mumbled through the saltine cracker.

Data returned without Counselor Troi. "She's with a patient," he said.

"Well never mind, we're good," Elle said cheerfully. "Let Keiko finish her snack and you can round everybody else up. We're on schedule right?"

Data nodded and left, sighing in relief.

The wedding rehearsal went forward without any problems. Everyone remembered their lines, Geordi almost lost the rings but that was fine, and Elle had her own bridesmaid procession speed down perfectly. "All right," Riker said cheerfully, "we'll see everybody tomorrow."

Miles was ushered away by Riker and La Forge for some bachelor bonding, and Keiko was ushered away by Deanna and a couple of other people from the Botany department for bachelorette bonding. Elle went to go bother Tyler, who was practicing his guitar.

"You gonna perform for the wedding tomorrow?" Elle asked Tyler.

He strummed a few chords. "Nope."

"Are you practicing a Taylor Swift song?"

"No," he protested, like a liar.

"Awwww, you're a Swiftie," Elle cooed. "A true twenty-first-century boy."

"Shuddup," he grumbled.

"I approve," Elle said. "Ooh, you should learn the song about never growing up so you can play it for Lt. Juarez' new baby."

"No," Tyler said.

"Aww, come on. It'd be so sweet!"

"Aren't you supposed to be working or something?" Tyler asked. "Didn't we rendezvous with a ship earlier?"

"For your information, I was working on a mission of the highest importance," Elle said. "I was fulfilling my role as sassy brunette sidekick."

Tyler snorted. "You do that every day."

She kicked his ankle.

He kicked her back. He missed.

"Ha!"

He kicked at her ankle again.

They were kicking each other furiously when Lt. Tang walked by. "Is that what they're calling 'footsie' nowadays?" he called. "Klingon style?"

Both teens froze, mortified. "No!" Elle shrieked. She stood up. "I'm gonna go see if they need me on the bridge!"

Tyler wrinkled his nose at her. "Gross."

"Double gross." She hurried away.

"Are you all right, Elle?" Picard asked as she came onto the bridge. "You're rather flushed."

"I'm fine, captain," Elle said crisply, ignoring the blush that crawled up her ears. "How's uh, things?"

He smothered a grin. "Things are fine," he said. "We're about to beam over Ambassador T'Pel."

"She's ready for transport," Data said.

"T'Pel?" Elle racked her brains, trying to think. Was there an ambassador T'Pel at Keiko's wedding? No, there was just... "Oh, the spy," she realized.

Picard and Worf and Allenby and Data and Riker and Timor turned to look at her. "Spy?" Picard asked dangerously.

"Small subplot," Elle said weakly. "She's a Romulan. They take her back. You win some, you lose some."

Picard sighed. "Elle."

"Just dump her in an escape pod and shoot her at the Neutral Zone," Elle said.

"She's a spy," Worf rumbled. "We can't give her back."

"Oh yeah. You can arrest her! It's fine!"

Riker tapped his commbadge. "USS Zhukov, stand by. We might have complications."

"Understood, standing by," the Zhukov replied promptly.

Picard gripped the bridge of his nose. "Just one, nice, weekend to have a wedding," he said mournfully.

"Oh no," Elle said. "I just thought of something. What if Command knows and they're letting her go on purpose?"

Picard made a sound like a dying grapevine. "Elle, call Ambassador Spock, see if he knows anything. Data, please escort Ambassador T'Pel to her quarters, as we cannot accuse a Federation ambassador without proof. I will be in my ready room, speaking to HQ."

Elle took herself down to CommSec and got on the horn. Spock did answer, after a few moments.

"Elle," he said, the corners of his eyes creasing in a smile. "What a delight to see you."

"You too," she said, smiling at him. "It's good to see you."

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

Elle winced. "Did you know that we're escorting Ambassador T'Pel?"

"Are you?" Spock asked, and one of his eyebrows began to climb.

"Yes," Elle said. "Do you know her?"

"I do, yes," Spock said, steepling his fingers. "We've met briefly over the last few years."

"She's not very Vulcan, is she?" Elle asked.

Spock's other eyebrow went up. "Are you asking if I knew that Ambassador T'Pel is actually a Romulan, Elle?"

She deflated in relief. "Yeah I am. What do we do?"

Spock's eyes twinkled. "I told Admiral Horace that he should've informed you. Now you've thrown off the 'oh no we let her get back to the Star empire with "information".'"

Elle gaped. "Yeah, they should've told me! I just blurted it out on the bridge in front of the whole freakin' Alpha shift!"

Spock snorted. "Always so dramatic, Elle-kam."

"I wasn't paying attention," Elle said, blushing. "I've been helping with a wedding, and then Tyler-"

"What about Tyler?" Spock asked. "This is your country-music friend, correct?"

"Yeah," Elle said, "and he was being dumb so I kicked his ankle, and then he kicked me back, and then Lt. whats-his-name walked by and insinuated we liked each other, so I ran away because gross, he's like my brother, and then the whole spy thing. Ugh."

Spock pressed his lips together tightly. "I see." He got his expression under control, he was laughing at her, mastery-of-emotions-my-foot, and said, "If you were a Vulcan child, I would put you to meditate on the formulation of words and intentions."

"The outcome of our actions is entirely out of our control. Only intent remains entirely within our control," Elle quoted.

"Yes." He smiled. "Think on this. When you speak, what do you intend? Everything we say provokes a response, whether we mean to or not." His smile softened. "You have great passion and dedication in everything you do, Elle, but you must balance that with your knowledge of the truth. Do not let the emotions of the previous moment, drive the next moment."

She nodded thoughtfully.

He grinned at her. "Or do, it's always fun to see what sort of aneurysms the Enterprise will give the Admiralty."

"Spock!"

He tapped the side of his nose. "You may inform Captain Picard that Ambassador T'Pel is welcome to depart, with the Diplomatic Corps' blessing."

Elle nodded. "Thank you, Spock."

"As always, a pleasure to hear from you, Elle. I look forward to your call on Sunday."

"All right. Love you, a'nirih."

"Love you, too."

The comm channel closed, and Elle sighed. "Consequences time," she said to herself, heading back up to the bridge. "You got into this, you can act yourself right out of it." Can't be any harder than the time when we stole that cloaking device from the Romulans, can it? Certainly not. We're in Federation space, and nobody's pretending to be crazy or dead.

"The captain is with our guest," Riker said when Elle got the bridge. "Not to be disturbed." He gave her a Look.

"Ambassador Spock sends his regards," Elle said, loud enough for everyone on the bridge to look up at her. "And he says to escort Ambassador T'Pel where she needs to go, with their blessing."

Allenby and Timor, good officers that they were, received this news, promptly filed it under, "Not My Division," and turned back to their stations, relieved. Worf, Data, and Riker shared a glance. "That was kind of the ambassador, to send his regards," Riker said, giving Elle another Look. "How is he?"

"No problems on his end," Elle said.

"Good, good." Riker patted her on the head patronizingly.

Elle narrowed her eyes at him but allowed it.

The captain and Ambassador T'Pel emerged from the ready room. "Number One, set a course one three zero mark two four six, warp seven," Picard ordered.

"That will take us very close to the Neutral Zone, Captain," Riker said.

"I'm aware of that, Number One. Proceed." Picard and T'Pel went back into the Ready room, Picard's arguing-for-the-sake-of-arguing expression firmly on his face.

Riker sighed. "Lay in the course," he ordered.

Data laid in the course. There was a moment of awkward silence and then Data said, "Elle, do you know how to dance?"

Elle grinned. "What kind of dancing?"

"The wedding reception kind," Data said.

"That overlaps with diplomatic function dancing," Elle said, "Yes I do."

"Good. Good. I do not."

Elle stared at him. "You don't have any subroutines on dancing?"

"No."

"Wow."

"What other kind of dances do you know?" Allenby asked curiously.

Elle smiled. "Well my mom, you know, she taught me a traditional dance from her home state, and she taught me all the steps to like, merengue and salsa and bachata and all that, even though we didn't go to many parties at home. And when I came on the Enterprise, the original, we had dance parties all the time. They helped me remember all those dance styles, and between the captain and Lt. Uhura they helped me learn the standard diplomatic dances, box-step, waltz, etc." She sighed wistfully. "Man, I miss them."

"Admiral Kirk and Admiral Uhura taught you how to waltz," Allenby repeated, looking stunned.

"Yup."

"I forget that you have such a weird life," Allenby said. "Wow."

Riker put an arm around Elle, hugged her into his side. "Maybe you can teach Data. As the father of the bride, he's gotta dance with Keiko at least once"

Elle smiled. "Yeah, Data. After your shift, we can dance. Maybe ask Dr. Crusher too, she probably knows more about teaching it."

Data nodded. "That would be very helpful, thank you."

-/\-

Elle stifled a giggle. "Data, you're an android, you can do three things at once."

"I do not believe that is correct," Data said, narrowly missing Dr. Crusher's toes.

"I believe in you," Elle said.

"Perhaps you and Dr. Crusher should demonstrate, and I can replicate your movements," Data said, stepping back before he committed war crimes on Dr. Crusher's dancing shoes.

"Okay, let's do that. Data, watch my feet, because I'm going to be leading. Elle, pretend you're Keiko."

"Plants are green," Elle said.

Dr. Crusher snorted. "I meant, can you replicate a skirt that mimics Keiko's dress? Data needs to know how not to step on the train."

"Oh." Elle went to the holodeck arch and had it spit out a traditional Japanese kimono with a longer train. She stepped into it, and buttoned the side. "Problem. I don't know how to dance in a long skirt."

Dr. Crusher grinned. "Okay, first practice round so you can figure out your kinesthesia, and then we'll do it again so Data can learn. Ready?"

Elle moved forward and they waltzed. Elle did not die, it was glorious. They did a second round of waltz, Data's eyes following them studiously.

The song ended, and Dr. Crusher stepped back. "All right, Data, let's see how you do."

Data stepped forward.

"Breathe," Elle teased him, as he shuffled his feet to the correct starting positions without stepping on her skirt.

"I do not need to breathe," Data said, but he took a deep breath anyways.

"And, begin," Dr. Crusher said.

Data performed perfectly. Elle laughed as he whisked her around the dance floor. "Perfect!"

The comm whistled pointedly. "Doctor Crusher, please report to Sickbay."

"Is it Lieutenant Juarez?"

"Yes, Doctor. Her contractions are now one minute apart."

"She still hasn't had it?" Elle asked, shocked.

"First-time birth takes as long as it takes," Dr. Crusher said. "You two keep practicing. Elle, maybe show him a salsa step, you guys can experiment."

Elle gave a thumbs-up. "Nice." Dr. Crusher left and Elle looked at Data. "You realize once people find out you can dance, there's gonna be a line, so maybe we should practice some other steps, and you can do some stuff."

"Reasonable," Data said.

"Great. Have you ever heard of the Cupid Shuffle?"

-/\-

Ambassador T'Pel's, "oh, we've been tasked to meet with the Romulans about diplomacy", and subsequent, "Of course I'm going to beam over to their ship without a security detail," and very tragic, "Oh no, there was an unexplained explosion mid-transit, she's gone", went very well. The Enterprise poked around for a couple of seconds near the Neutral Zone and then made their way back to solid Federation space, glaring at their Romulan counterparts all the way.

More importantly, the wedding was on schedule. Keiko was nervous but radiant, and she had no more jitters. Data was now the one with the jitters. "What if I trip?"

"Data, you're an android. You don't trip." Elle tucked the carnation into his lapel. "You'll be great. All you gotta do is walk her down the aisle, stand there, and look like the most handsome android in the galaxy."

"I am the only android in the galaxy," he said.

"No, you're not. But you are the best." Elle kissed his cheek. "You're ready." She looked over at Keiko. "You ready?"

"Ready."

Elle grabbed her little bouquet of cherry blossoms, checked her hair, and walked out to the main auditorium. She got halfway down the aisle, and then Data and Keiko walked in behind her. Elle finished walking, smiled at a starstruck O'Brien and a proud Geordi and Picard, and sat down in the first aisle with Deanna.

Data delivered Keiko to the front and took his spot opposite Geordi.

Picard smiled. "Since the days of the first wooden sailing ships, all captains have enjoyed the happy privilege of joining together two people in the bonds of matrimony. And so it is my honour to unite you, Keiko Ishikawa, and you, Miles Edward O'Brien, together in matrimony..."

Ah. So he didn't go with "Wuv, twu wuv," like Elle had suggested. It was still a good speech. Elle shed a little tear, just for ceremony's sake.

Geordi had not misplaced the rings this time, and nobody dropped them.

"You may kiss the bride," Picard said.

They kissed, everyone applauded, and the wedding party went back up the aisle. This time Elle got to walk with Geordi. "Geordi, are you crying?"

"No," he sniffed.

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Cool."

The reception was across the hall in one of the rec decks, where Guinan and the chefs had put together a great meal.

Data danced perfectly and did not step on Keiko's dress.

"I'm so proud," Dr. Crusher said, wiping a mock tear. "He's so poised."

A few songs in, Elle had to take her shoes off. "I have not danced in ages, especially not in heels," she said, throwing her boots under the table.

"Is it really a party if the heels don't come off?" Deanna asked, sliding her own shoes under the table.

"Nope." They clinked their glasses together and watched everyone else dance.

Elle stayed to the sleepy, straggly end, helping Maintenance put things away and clean up the space. "Commander Stabby, you may release the hordes."

Commander Stabby whirred at her feet and moved forward, fifteen vacuum bots rolling behind in formation, leaving perfect stripes.

"Oh, that's satisfying," Elle said happily and left the vacuums to do their job. "Night, Stabby!"

Commander Stabby beeped in farewell.

-/\-

Socially hung-over from the wedding, Elle decided the next day to go see the new baby, who had finally made his debut in the greater universe.

"He's so cute," Elle cooed, maintaining a respectful distance from the teeny tiny baby in the cot. "Look at his little fingernails, awww, the bebe, tan chulo, que niño hermoso..."

Baby Alex Juarez shifted in response to her voice and pursed his lips in a yawn.

Elle squeed. "He's so cuuuuuuute."

Lt. Juarez grinned tiredly. "You can pick him up, Elle, it's okay."

Elle's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Just watch his head."

Nurse Ogawa, hovering nearby, came over and helped Elle pick up the swaddled sprog. "Here, put your arm, there you go."

Elle looked down at the seven-pound life in her arms and everything was right with the world. "I love this baby," she said. "Ahni will always be my favorite, but he is definitely in second place."

Lt. Juarez laughed. "Good to know."

The newborn worked his tiny fist out of the swaddle and waved it around dramatically. Elle caught his tiny fist and beamed as he gripped her finger. "Hi," she whispered, delighted. "Hello, my little crewmate."

She spent an elated twenty minutes cuddling the baby, before he decided it was time for a snack. "And my favorite part," Elle said, "handing them back."

Lt. Juarez grinned. "So generous."