Previously: Under Michael's orders, Castiel dives into Cain's mind to erase all memory of Camael. But the flood is so strong, it forces him to live them as if he were there... In these memories, he sees the bond between Cain and his Angel grow deeper, until Cain burst into flames, becoming a Phoenix.
oOo
Disobedience
Cain's eyes snap open with a choked cry. He is naked as a newborn infant and curled in a fetal position. But what truly horrifies him, is that the ground is covered with red-hot embers and flames glowing in the night. He pushes his weight up with his hands and knees, scrambling in panic to his feet, breathing heavily. With every step he takes, his feet sink into the embers with a crackling sound. But he feels no more pain than if he were walking on grass.
He rushes out of the burning circle in a daze and sits down on a rock, feeling nauseous. It takes him a few minutes to catch his breath and clear his mind. He stares down at his hands and feet. Not only the skin hasn't been burned at all, but the cuts and bruises he received these last few days are gone, as well as the scar on his calf he had since his childhood. His nails are clean, and his body is no longer filthy after days without water to wash himself. And when he traces his teeth with the tip of his tongue they feel smooth and lined up, all there. Including the tooth his father pulled out a few years earlier because it was rotten.
He gazes up at the starry night sky. There is no moon and the world is bathed in blackness and silence. Since the day Camael became his Guardian, his nights and dreams have been so bright with the Angel's light chasing darkness away.
Camael isn't here now. For the first time since they left the village, he isn't watching over him. Did he make himself invisible again for some reason? Or did something happen to him?
A distant sound of feathers rustling draws his attention high in the sky. Among the stars, a dozen stand out, brighter and flying towards the horizon. Angels, without a doubt. Could Camael be one of them?
« CAMAEL! » he yells into the night as loud as his sore throat can, before these tiny lights drift too far away.
They come to a grinding halt and change course to head down to him at an alarming speed. An Angel around Camael's height lands in front of Cain, folding his wings behind his back. Standing with his feet down on the valley and his face at Cain's level on the mountain, he peers at him with curiosity and confusion in his green eyes melded with trickles of silver. This is not Camael.
« Would you be Cain, son of Adam and Eve, by any chance? »
There is warmth in his voice and his eyes are kind. He is accompanied by a dozen Angels about half his size – they still are giants in Cain's eyes, though – who are clinging to the mountain to watch him too. All these celestial beings are radiating so much light that there are no shadows left around. Cain realizes with horror that he is standing stark naked before Angels of God, and covers his penis with two hands – which makes the smaller Angels giggle in amusement.
« I am, » he finally answers.
Should he be bowing down? He stands frozen, head thrown back to stare up with respect and fear at this unknown Angel. Bowing down while naked seems inappropriate, all the more since most of the small Angels are behind him.
« I thought he was dead! » one of them says cheerfully.
« Samandriel, what should we do? » another asks the green and silver eyed Angel.
« Go to the meeting room and start writing down the mission report. I will join you once the trial is over. I think that Camael has no more reason to be accused of treason. I am going to exonerate him right now! »
Then, Samandriel and his Angels fly off in the blink of an eye, leaving Cain alone in the dark again. Hands still plastered over his groin, he peers around, searching for his bag. Did it burn as well? He can't stay like this, more Angels could appear soon to look at him with their piercing eyes…And Camael could be back any time. Camael who seems to be in trouble…
Squinting, Cain gropes around in the dark until he finds it. Just when he is bending to pick it up, bright light floods over the entire mountain again.
« Cain, such a pleasant surprise! So I heard you gave your Guardian Angel quite a fright? »
Cain jumps at the powerful voice he recognizes as Gabriel's, the Archangel who used to visit Abel and him. The tone is different from the distant coldness he was used to, though. He turns around to face the amber eyed celestial being who is way taller than Camael or Samandriel or even the mountain itself. Gabriel is gazing down at him friendly, which is quite disturbing. Never mind that he is naked, Cain drops to his knees and bows down with respect until his forehead is touching the ground.
« Oh for Dad's sake, stop that, no more genuflecting! I'm so sick of this worship crap. »
Cain's head snaps up and he stares wide-eyed. Is this really Gabriel?
« Glad you're not dead after all, little guy. I kind of liked you. »
The Archangel spreads his wings and flies off too. Cain has never seen so many celestial beings at once in his entire life.
It is clear now that they have nothing to do with what happened to him. He stands up and pulls from his bag a tunic that the villagers gave him as a present. Once he is dressed, he sits back on the rock to stare numbly at the slowly cooling embers. This entire situation is way beyond him.
He gives out a sigh and brings his hands together to address all his worry through a prayer to Camael. But he gets no reply.
By the embers red glowing light, he watches an ant moving on the ground until it stops, faced with the obstacle that is Cain's left foot. It seems to be unsure whether it should climb or walk around. Cain spares it the trouble by moving away his foot to let it pass through.
Is this how Angels see him? Compared to them, he is just as tiny as this bug is to him. Insignificant. They could crush him under their feet without even meaning to. The ant is moving away and he follows it with his eyes until it disappears under a rock.
Once again, the rustling sound of feathers breaks the silence and light washes every shadow away. And this time, when he looks up, he recognizes his Angel's golden eyes and the chiseled patterns around his face. Relief overwhelms Cain as he stumbles back to his feet, dusting and smoothing down his tunic. Only then does he realize there is a stupid smile splitting up his face.
« You are alive. »
It wasn't a question, but Cain nods all the same, still grinning like a happy fool.
One of Camael's hands hovers over him with hesitation, then delicately brushes against his entire back with just one fingertip that is at least twice Cain's size.
Cain's eyes drop shut in pure bliss when he feels the liquid light swallow him whole, soothing all his fears and filling him with such intense joy that he can feel his skin humming and his blood sing. His body relaxes and he leans against the warm surface of the fingertip. He is sure the Angel can feel his heart pounding.
He feels like an ant, at the mercy of a higher power. But it is no longer just out of fear and reverential respect now. What he feels for Camael is fondness and absolute trust.
When he opens his eyes again, the Angel's face is right in front of him.
« I thought I had lost you. »
The tenderness in Camael's voice sounds close to devotion.
I disintegrate this memory and fill the void it left behind with lonely days of walk. I erase the fire and the pain. Michael gave me no instructions about this, but I figure it would be better for Cain not to remember he turned into a monster. Would Michael approve if I made Cain believe we gave him immortality? That should keep him grateful and compliant for sure.
Judging by the memories I explored, I spent entire months waiting for my trial, and I had no idea. Trapped in this place and surrounded by holy fire, time felt distorted and I couldn't say if centuries or just hours had gone by.
No. I can't let myself get distracted. I have a mission to complete. There are still a lot of fragments left to erase.
« … what did you say? »
Cain's voice is but a broken whisper.
« Your parents died, » the Angels says again softly. « I figured you would like to know, so you could grieve. »
I crush this memory into nothingness. Watching my brother straying further away from his duty with every new memory is unpleasant. Camael had no authorization to divulge information about Angels, Azazel, Lucifer, Heaven, Hell and our organization.
In my haste to finish my mission, I delete a dozen of memories all at once, including the one in which Cain reluctantly accepts to find a woman to marry as Camael orders him.
The fish skin is beginning to brown and sizzle as flames lick it. Cain is sitting close to the campfire, but the heat is bearable. Almost worryingly so. He frowns as he turns upside down the fish skewered on the stick. Camael is convinced that his spontaneous combustion was just a very convincing illusion. But Cain thinks differently. The agonizing pain he had felt was real. He remembers clearly walking on embers unharmed.
He brings his hand closer to the flames hesitantly, and holds it next to the fish that is almost burning now.
All he feels is a bit of warmth.
He snatches his hand out of the fire guiltily. What will Camael think? But when he looks up, his Guardian Angel isn't even watching him: his head is tilted back and he is gazing at the sky. Relieved, Cain clears his throat and takes his meal out of the fire.
« What's happening, Camael? »
His teeth sink into the hot flesh and his tongue doesn't even get burned.
The Angel looks down, shaking his head in annoyance, even though there is a glimmer of amusement lighting up the gold of his eyes.
« One of my brothers, Miz, is rousing the whole Garrison to watch Humans engaging in bestiality. »
Cain chokes on his fish and starts coughing under his Angel's worried gaze. He gets his breath back eventually.
« Why would Angels want to watch…that? »
« Celestial sense of humor is very different from the human one. »
Cain lets out a bewildered laugh.
« Clearly. »
Camael told him many things about Angels and how they work, and all of his beliefs and the foundations of his faith were shaken. Even his parents knew nothing about them after all. Angels are not these immovable and perfect beings like he used to believe when he bowed down before the Archangels when he was a child.
Camael's gaze keeps shifting to the sky that the setting sun is painting with purple shades. He probably wishes to join his brothers.The idea that Camael might think that bestiality is funny is unsettling, but the Angel deserves to share a laugh with his brothers.
« You could join them if you want to, » Cain smiles encouragingly.
Camael stiffens and his golden eyes switch back to Cain.
« No. My mission is to protect you. I can't leave my post for such a trivial thing. You could be in danger while I'm gone. »
Fondness floods Cain's heart and he lowers his head and takes a bite of his fish to keep his composure. It often takes just a few words or one lingering look from Camael for Cain to feel overwhelmed. For a moment, he watches the warm colors of the setting sun and Camael's bright light reflected on the river winding uphill. The valley is wide and green, the game plentiful. He decided to stay a couple of days here to regain strength before turning back to the last village he visited. A man there wanted to give him his daughter in marriage as a reward for teaching them how to catch a lot of fish in the lake. Cain had turned down the offer. But if Camael, Heaven and God Himself want him to have a son, he will obey. Who is he to question the will of God? He has to obey and redeem himself in order to join Abel in Heaven someday.
Sighing, he looks down at the fire fluttering in the night breeze. A twinge of conscience is eating him up from the inside. How can he pretend to repent and obey God even when he is hiding from Camael the changes that happened in him? Lying is a sin. He could end up in Hell.
« Camael… »
It was barely above a whisper, but the Angel heard and is tilting his head inquiringly, waiting for him to elaborate.
Cain looks up with pleading eyes.
« I think there is something wrong with me. »
« Are you feeling ill? »
The celestial being gets down on one knee, bending down until his stony face is hovering over him, blocking the crimson sky.
Cain's response is to reach into the fire and pick an ember in the palm of his hand. It feels nice and pleasantly warm to the touch. And suddenly, as he gazes into Camael's golden eyes, something unravels inside him. He drops the ember, and when he moves his fingers, he manages to create his own flames. Blazing fire is whirling around his arm with increasing power.
« You… are no longer Human… » Camael murmurs before he sits down on the valley, grabbing his head between his hands. « I... I need to tell the General. His orders were clear. And orders are orders. »
Cain lets his arm drop to his side, and with just a thought, the flames vanish into thin air.
« No longer Human? Then what am I? »
Camael doesn't answer. Instead, he gets back to his feet and looks up to the sky.
« I have to tell Anael. I must obey orders. »
His wings are slowly unfurling behind his back.
« I must obey… »
Cain swallows hard and nods. Of course. Camael won't be the one to decide his fate. God and the Archangels certainly won't be as merciful. Panic is rushing into his veins but he doesn't regret telling the truth. He couldn't be a perjurer as well as a murderer.
He lowers his head down resignedly. Maybe now he will be punished as he should have been since the moment he killed Abel. He takes a deep breath and looks up again. Camael is still there with his hands curled into fists, stiff as a statue. What is he waiting for?
« Camael? »
With his wings widely spread, the Angel stares down at him. There is a look of fiery determination and possessiveness in his golden eyes.
« No. »
Head thrown back to be able to look at Camael's face, Cain raises his eyebrows.
« No. » The Angel's voice is firmer now. « I will not obey. Not until I know what the Archangels intend to do with beings such as you. »
Disobedience.
I can't contain the revulsion it inspires me. Disobedience. The worst and most despicable sin there is, along with doubt. Camael has reached a new low. I hope rehabilitation will succeed in bringing him back on track. I angrily destroy this abject memory, which grazes Cain's soul and makes him cry in agony.
My mission will be completed soon. The original fragments are getting rare and scattered among the ones I altered or created. I erase a dozen more, trying to keep my distances so I won't be thrown into a whirlwind of images, sounds and smells.
I watch Cain marry his wife and unenthusiastically copulate with her. I erase countless prayers to Camael during those nine months when he stays at his pregnant wife's side. When he finally holds his son Henok in his arms he feels nothing else but a sense of duty done. Lucifer keeps appearing in his dreams under Abel, Adam or Eve's appearance, and I make those disappear as well.
« I will do it, » he says determinedly.
At Camael's request, Cain left his wife with Henok and walked several days away from the village, so the Angel could finally talk with him in person. If the Archangel Michael needs to borrow his body in order to defeat Lucifer and save the Humankind, Cain will do it without hesitation. Seeing Lucifer invade his dreams almost every night to make the same proposal again is getting on his nerves.
« It is a great honor to serve as Michael's vessel, » Camael says, but the words sound empty as if he doesn't believe them himself. He looks absent-minded, staring in the distance.
« When will he take possession of my body? »
Camael's golden eyes narrow and the light inside him slightly dims.
« As soon as you agree to do it, officially. But I would like you to wait for now…I will tell them that you're having reservations. »
Cain stares in shock.
« But why? I am ready! »
The Guardian Angel still won't look at him.
« Gabriel said earlier something weird about your deceased brother, and I would like to know what he meant… I have to do some research. Pray if you need me. »
Then, the Angel flies off without a backward glance. And to think that he was always so reluctant to leave his post…
The memory crumbles off at my Grace's touch. There is only one left linked to Camael. The very last one. I reach out to seize it.
Under my finger, Cain keeps murmuring a prayer through his clenched teeth, tears streaming down his face.
There are thousands of tornadoes undulating as far as the eye can see, tearing colors out from the ground and leaving behind a bleak, soulless landscape. They move in complete silence, rainbow-colored and bursting with life.
Clothed in a red tunic, Cain is holding withering leaves and petals in his hands. A tornado drawing closer engulfs him whole. He throws his arms up and everything goes up. The petals, the leaves, the color of his tunic that turns gray.
The tornado is moving forward and revealing a different kind of landscape. Instead of a valley stripped raw from its colors, there is now a turquoise lake on which both the moon and the sun are reflected. And right in the center of this liquid mirror, a Falcon with feathers as white as snow.
Camael.
He steps forward on the gleaming surface and the water doesn't even ripple. He walks until he's facing the Falcon that is two or three heads taller than him and is staring at him with intense golden eyes.
Cain embraces the celestial being, beaming and pushing his face into the silken feathers. Only in dreams is he able to physically express affection for the Angel, given that the size difference is no longer an issue. The Falcon remains impassive.
« My researches have been fruitful, and I have something important to tell you, Cain. »
He takes one step back to look the Angel in the eye.
« For all these years, you were the one being put to the test, Cain. Not Abel. »
Camael's soft voice rises even though his beak is closed.
« What do you mean? The Archangels tested the both of us for our faith and Abel never failed them once… »
« Abel was your test. Everything has been done to feed your anger and envy so one day you would end his life with your bare hands. »
The moon shifts to conceal the sun, and the lake gets darker in a matter of seconds.
« And… I failed. » Cain's voice breaks. « I let my resentment get the better of me. »
« No. You didn't. »
The Falcon leans in, head lowering in a smooth movement with eyes so piercing Cain could swear Camael is gazing right into his soul.
« Despite your anger and frustration, you couldn't hate your brother in your heart. But your destiny was to kill him. We are not just God's soldiers, we are also agents of Fate. »
Cain feels his legs get weak and he drops to his knees without breaking eye contact.
« What did you do to me? »
« It was not the Garrison. It was the work of our immediate superior, Zachariah, who received the order to make it happen by using a corrupted soul he inserted into the rock you were holding, and... »
The Falcon closes his eyes and lowers his head.
« You did not kill Abel. You were forced to. »
There is an emptiness growing inside Cain. The lake is now made of clotted blood.
« … but why? »
He reaches out to Camael's neck, slipping a trembling hand into the feathers.
« Why? » he asks again with despair straining his voice.
« It had been written by the Sisters of Fate, and from what I understood, it was necessary because... but I don't have time to explain. They will use you again, Cain. You are just a weapon to them. »
« Are you telling me... that I should say no to Michael? »
« No. My brothers will stop at nothing to manipulate you and torment you into saying yes. They are soldiers. They won't feel any kind of remorse or compassion for you. »
Cain stands up, and his tunic hasn't been stained by the blood.
« But you do. »
Camael stares at him with sad eyes.
« Yes. I do. »
Camael unfurls a wing and carefully pulls Cain against him, resting his beak on the top of his head. They stay like this in silence for a moment until the Angel's voice rises again.
« You will say yes to Michael, because the world is in danger as long as Lucifer is out there. But after that... I will free you from my brothers' hold. I have a plan. Be ready. »
Cain ends up alone in this dark and bloody landscape until he wakes up next to his sleeping wife.
I look at my work with pride and satisfaction of having done my duty. There is nothing left of Camael in Cain's memory. I didn't just bury the memories into his subconscious like my brothers often do because it is easier. They are irremediable destroyed. The Phœnix stopped praying. He has no one to pray to. No one he remembers.
He passed out and his heart rate is erratic, but the vital functions are good. I hesitate for a second before reaching out further back into Cain's memories. His brother's death had a profound impact on him, and the education Adam and Eve gave him made him fear Angels.
I have Michael's authorization. I can build him a whole new life filled with memories that will insure his total devotion to God. The Mother of All will lose her hold on her creation.
I seize the memory of Abel's death to erase it, when a sharp pain shoots through my arm and makes me lose my grip. Wrenched back into reality, I find myself facing three golden eyes blazing with rage.
oOo
In the next chapter
"You can still get back on the right path. You will be sent to rehabilitation. You will be saved, Camael."