Previously: After Uriel's death and the betrayal of his entire Garrison, Castiel is left alone and isolated. He has regained his status as a General and reads the Winchester Gospel where the adventures of Sam and Dean are narrated. The Angel Anpiel tells him that the hierarchy knew about Dean's pact that cast his soul into Hell, but had not disclosed it to the Garrison. Castiel is doubting again. Only a few more seals to break and Lucifer will be free…
This chapter takes place in season 4, at the end of episode 18 and at the beginning of episode 20.
oOo
The hierarchy's schemes
"Castiel..."
The thick metallic chain I'm standing on sways when my sister appears at my side. Her heels get caught in the chain mail and her wings flap wildly behind her back until she finds her balance. I give her a sideways glance, holding on to another chain running through the void. Flashes of light throw shadows across her frowning face.
"Not now, Hester. We're fighting a battle."
"You call that a battle?" She folds back her wings at last. "Now that we are in possession of our vessels, there is nothing they can do against a hundred Angels of the Lord."
I squint, gazing into the infinity of the void. Darkness comes in shades of red and green, pierced by billions of chains sticky with blood. Indeed, although some of my soldiers have been forced out of their vessel and sent straight back to Heaven, most of them are effortlessly slaying the demons.
"We will never find Lilith in Hell, you know that?"
"I know that Lilith is on Earth and I even know exactly where," I answer flatly as I watch Zedekiel slay a demon. "Why do you think only one hundred of us are down there? We're only here to weaken the enemy by cleansing Hell of minor demons and corrupted souls that might one day attack us. It was never about finding Lilith."
Hester blinks and stares at me, tilting her head to the side, her wavy blonde hair sliding off her shoulder.
"What do you mean?"
"I received Revelations. The orders are not to kill Lilith, but to protect the seals. So that's what I'm trying to do."
"But... this is just a waste of time!"
She has no idea how true that is. I know the hierarchy enough by now to realize that this is nothing more than a diversion.
"Orders are orders, Hester. We are asked to obey, not to understand them."
"Then why did you tell us that we were raiding Hell to find Lilith?"
In the chaos of the battle, I turn my head to look at Hester directly in the eye, my fingers clenching on the slippery chain link I'm holding onto.
"Because I can no longer trust you."
My sister snaps her mouth shut, her eyes flashing with something I can't read. Her pale blond hair billows around her face when a powerful explosion shoots a blast of sulfur at us. I hold her gaze unblinkingly as my coat flaps behind me and my blue tie flutters until it lands on my shoulder.
"I know what you think of me," she says and clenches her fists, "but I have never betrayed you. I only said yes to Uriel to find out what he was up to and to make sure he wouldn't hurt you. I figured that I would be more useful to you alive than dead. I have been on your side for thousands of years and I have no intention of changing that, Apocalypse or no Apocalypse."
Her eyes are radiating sincerity but I can't rely on what I see. It's because I blindly believed in Anna and Uriel that we are now in this situation. Her gaze grows harder and she holds her head high with aggressive self-assurance.
"If that's all it takes to prove my loyalty to you, I'll reveal you something."
"Reveal what?"
"I can speak freely here. In Hell, the celestial channels are cut off and none of our superiors can spy on us. Listen to me carefully. You've been told that the Council has cleared you of all suspicion, but I know for a fact that this isn't true. Zachariah is watching you more than ever, especially whenever you're talking to Dean Winchester. He spies on your conversations and archives them, Castiel, and you'll be sent to rehabilitation if you ever say anything that shows you have... feelings for the righteous man." She spat that word with obvious distaste. "Believe me, it costs me a lot to tell you this. I'm the first to believe that a rehabilitation could only be good for you."
Before I can think of something to say, a hoarse whisper grazes my Grace and echoes in my head. A... a prayer. For me, specifically.
No one has ever prayed to me since Camael. Hell's vile atmosphere interferes with the flow and I have to focus to grasp the delicate thread of words. I silence Hester with a commanding gesture of my hand and press my fingers to my temple.
I know that voice.
… please. I need some help.
Dean Winchester's voice.
The righteous man is praying, to me. Just the thought of it sends joy through my heart and brings a smile to my lips. My wings twitch as I look up as though it might help me hear better.
"Castiel? Are you even listening to me?" groans Hester, arching an eyebrow.
Dean needs my help. I am his Guardian Angel and that comes first, not my war strategy or the hierarchy's silly orders. My tie slips off my shoulder and flops back against my chest as I take in the battlefield. My soldiers are vigorously flapping their wings to move from chain to chain, chasing down the demons. I quickly raise my voice to send my order.
"At ease, soldiers! The mission is over, everyone go back to your stations on Earth and protect the seals. Dismissed."
"Wait, we're retreating?!" chokes Hester, her face flushing red. "We've only been here for a month, barely a few hours in Earth time!"
I'm praying, okay?!
Dean's voice rings with frustration in my Grace while the Garrison Angels obey and all disappear in a concert of rustling feathers. I turn to look at Hester who seems to take my decision as a personal offense.
"Thank you for the information, sister. But that doesn't exempt you from obeying like everyone else."
"But..."
"That's an order, Hester."
COME ON!
My sister throws me one last glare before she aggressively flies away, whipping me with her wings. I let go of the chain I was holding on to, and spread my wings wide.
Please!
The righteous man's supplication fades away as I fly up. Flying through Hell and out of it had taken us a few minutes in our original form, but our human vessel allows us to travel at great speeds.
It takes only a few seconds for me to leave Hell and reach Earth, guided by the righteous man's prayer that builds a vibrant link between my Grace and his soul. I appear a few meters behind him, filled with satisfaction and pride - very rare are the Angels who receive prayers. Usually, Humans pray to God, who does no more answer their pleas than He does mine. I may have successfully instilled in Dean's soul the seeds of Faith he was so desperately lacking when I raised him from perdition.
"Prayer is a sign of Faith," I state in the cold of the night.
He spins around to face me, looking his usual tense and nervous self. For the first time since I invested Jimmy Novak's body, I'm looking down at him – but that's only because I'm standing on the steps of a stairway.
I fold my wings and step down to meet him, barely holding back a smile - in these days of failures and betrayals, the righteous man's newfound Faith is definitely welcomed, a victory of mine.
"This is a good thing, Dean."
I walk closer and stop about a meter away from him as he stares in disbelief.
"So does that mean you'll help me?"
"I'm not sure what I can do."
His eyes display supplication and distress.
"Drag Sam out of here, now, before Lilith shows up!"
Ah.
This is so disappointing. Infuriating, even. I thought I had been very clear about Chuck's prophecies. Do I have to explain again that Fate is unstoppable?
When is he ever going to ask for something that isn't strictly forbidden by the hierarchy? Something I can actually grant him?
"It's a prophecy. I can't interfere."
I find it difficult to hold his gaze as he slowly steps up to stand right in front of me.
"You have tested me and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing." I look up to meet Dean's eyes - his imploring gaze is vibrant with anguish. "But now I'm asking." His breath blows steam in the cold air. "I need your help. Please."
I can feel myself faltering as my wings tighten behind my back. I have spent almost a year trying to gain Dean's trust, and now when he finally asks me for something, I have to deny him?
What Hester warned me about still rings clear in my head. I am under watch. If Zachariah is indeed spying and recording this conversation, this is a test of my loyalty to Heaven. The slightest sign of disobedience or feelings can be my undoing.
Just like the boatload of innocent Humans during the Flood, I cannot help. The choice presented to me is but an illusion, a temptation that will destroy me if I give in to it.
"What you're asking, it's... not within my power to do."
"Why? 'Cause it's divine prophecy?" Dean spits out these words defiantly.
"Yes!"
"So, what – We're just supposed to sit around and, and wait for it to happen?!"
I understand his frustration all too well, having suppressed it myself for so long. Dean is a creature of free will and it comes naturally to him to believe that he is free and that he can change fate. My Father granted Humanity free will - a beautiful and inspiring idea, but one that I've never seen prevail. Not once. Be it for Cain, Pharaoh or Judas, we as agents of Fate have always crushed, manipulated, subdued their will.
Free will does not exist. We are here to make sure of it, as we have been for hundreds of thousands of years.
Only now, as I share a long look with Dean whose eyes silently implore me, do I realize that I have always worked against the very idea of free will that I liked so much.
"I'm sorry," I say at last, breaking the silence.
Instantly, Dean's face locks into a mask of rage - no trace of vulnerability left in his eyes.
"Screw you. You and your mission. Your god."
He spat the Lord's sacred name like a curse and I snap my eyes up, my Grace ablaze with rage-infused indignation. The blasphemy makes my wings stiffen behind my back - but as soon as I meet his gaze, the holy wrath gives way to sourness and shame.
The righteous man was so close to finding Faith, and now... since orders forbid me to help him and I'm under watch, the miraculous development is smashed before my eyes.
"If you don't help me now, then when the time comes and you need me... don't bother knocking."
With these words, he steps forward and walks past me, his shoulder angrily colliding with mine. My Grace freezes in my veins when I realize what his threat implies. Dean Winchester is Michael's only vessel. If the last six seals break and Lucifer is released, Dean's consent will be necessary for Michael to invest him.
"Dean..."
The sound of his footsteps keeps getting farther away. I cannot fail this mission, nor can I lose the very small amount of trust I was able to earn from Dean. I have to give him some proof of my commitment and help him, but without the hierarchy viewing it as evidence of feelings or disobedience.
A thought occurs to me as I think back to what Zachariah said when Dean was threatening Chuck this afternoon. It wouldn't be the first time I bypassed orders by working around ambiguities and grey areas, after all.
"Dean!"
"What?!"
I turn around to face him. He's standing there glowering at me, bathed in shadows highlighting his hardened facial features.
"You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are very special. They're protected."
"I get that!" he snarls in anger.
"If anything threatens a Prophet, anything at all, an Archangel will appear to destroy that threat."
I narrow my eyes, waiting for him to understand where I'm getting at - the lack of telepathic communication with Humans is really inconvenient.
No, he doesn't seem to understand. I need to be more specific.
"Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're Heaven's most terrifying weapon."
Finally, a glimpse of realization flashes through his eyes.
"And these archangels, they're tied to prophets?"
"Yes."
I can't explain any further. I took far too many risks already. If Zachariah is spying on me, he'll understand what I'm trying to do if I make it any more obvious. The severity of what I'm doing scares me, but I try to ease my mind: I'm breaking no rules by disclosing this fact about the Prophets, and I'm not accountable for what Dean will do with this piece of information... I can't be blamed for anything that could happen.
Dean walks back to me in slow steps, the unnatural lights from the buildings streaming across his face.
"So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon..."
"Then the most fearsome wrath of Heaven would rain down on that demon."
Dean blinks and looks at me in a whole new way that instills a soft warmth in the pit of my Grace. There's a hint of gratitude underneath the surprise and wariness.
He understands now. I can't stay here any longer, he might blurt out something that would compromise me.
"Just so you understand," I point to the sky with my eyes, hoping that this will make him understand that my decisions are not my own, "why I can't help."
"Thanks, Cas," he whispers.
"Good luck."
It seems like my ruse worked, no one arrested me to throw me into rehabilitation and I safely fly back to my troops.
oOo
Children laughing. The muffled sound of my footsteps, powdery snow crunching under my shoes. And there, the bench I have shared with Uriel in the last days of his life.
The bench is coated with ice and glistening snow that drips under the sun's pale rays. With a flick of my wrist, I clear it off and reveal the dried surface. Then I sit on the left side, as though waiting for my late brother to join me. Resting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands together, I gaze up at the park where children are running around snugly wrapped in coats, woolly hats and scarves.
There is a little girl dragging a sled with an infant on it, excitedly babbling and clumsily articulating what sounds like go faster! go faster!
I fold back my wings, my breath blowing steamy wisps in the air. Two boys are chasing each other, laughing uncontrollably, and others are throwing snowballs at each other, using the toboggan or as a bulwark. It is strange to see how intricately war and game are bound together in human nature.
I look down at my fingers made of flesh and bone, so delicate yet powerful. I miss the talks and easy silences I used to share with Uriel. His presence has been with me since the day I was created to the point where he had become a constant part of myself, of everything I believed to be eternal.
There are so many things that were so evident and undeniable to me. The Garrison, Anna, Humanity... Now everything is falling apart. Piece by piece, it all crumbles away, shattering who and what I used to be - I don't know what I am anymore, deprived of a group to merge with. Out of my siblings created with me, only Htmorda, Zedekiel and Rachel are still alive - and all three of them betrayed me when they joined Uriel in his madness.
Should the Garrison fail and Lucifer destroy Humanity, I will have no reason to exist any longer.
I can already tell I won't make it through this war.
I see it before it reaches me but I make no move to stop the snowball from smashing into my face. I look up unblinkingly while the snow starts to melt and slide down my cheek before crumbling to my feet. The chubby redheaded child points at me laughing out loud, holding his stomach. Then he runs away, and just when he has reached the slide to join the other children, I hear a soft ruffling of feathers. Baradiel appears in front of me, his wings wide open.
I remain silent and barely even glance at him as he folds his wings and comes to sit beside me, smoothing down his clothes. I press my lips together, infusing my aura with cold, distant anger.
I have no idea what he's doing here, but I have no interest in chatting with any of my traitorous soldiers.
"There's been a rumor running around since the Garrison's creation."
My older brother's voice rises with gentle, pensive intonations. He leans against the back of the bench as I glance sternly at him. His head is tilted back and he's gazing up at the gray sky where dark clouds are slowly drifting away.
"A rumor?"
"You're too young to have lived through the first seven wars, but the rest of us fought for billions of years to take down our Father's failed creations and protect this planet. When the first fish bearing a glimpse of a soul began to crawl out of the water, we were concerned that God had made another mistake, and many Angels agreed to keep the Garrison apart from our Family, unsure of how these fish might affect you - but only when Zachariah was sent to rehabilitation did we start to worry."
"I... don't understand."
A weak smile grazes Baradiel's lips and he sits up straighter, lowering his head to look at me straight in the eyes.
"Zachariah was the first Angel to disobey an order and challenge it. It had never happened before. Ever. And he was in close contact with Anael and deeply implied in the Garrison's matters. The very concept of rehabilitation was created specially for this occasion, and let me tell you that never has punishment been so severe - Zachariah has not been the same after that."
I unclasp my hands and turn my head to him - I fear I'm starting to understand his point. The same thing Anpiel had implied without clarifying what she meant.
"What was the rumor about?" I ask warily. "What did it say?"
He holds my gaze calmly, his three fiery eyes glowing red on his true face.
"That human free will is contagious. That the Garrison is infected and any Angel who comes too close might catch it. The idea has grown stronger with Camael's and then Anna's rebellion and now with everything you've been accused of."
I squint as I reflect back on my entire life - so many things I failed to understand at the time suddenly become clear to me. A surge of indignation makes me grit my teeth.
"I have never disobeyed. You are the ones who betrayed the mission and our orders by joining Uriel."
"Precisely. I believe that the contagion has spread. It hangs in the air and all of our brothers are being infected one by one. Azazel, Alastair, Lucifer, myself... we would never have behaved like this before the Garrison was created. I'm sick, Castiel. We all are, and it's getting worse."
I look away to watch the children playing and laughing breathlessly again, searching for my words.
"Do you think that's what happened to Uriel? To Camael?"
"I don't know. This is only a theory that has never been proven, but it does make sense. There never were rebellions before your creation, and now it's nearly routine. There are rehabilitations every day now."
"Perhaps we're just becoming sentient."
"Perhaps. Either way, it's bad. We were never meant to have free will, you of all Angels know how dangerous it is and that it might destroy us all. I believe like Uriel did that destroying Humanity could stop the contagion, and that Lucifer is the best choice of a leader to put us back on the right path. It was wrong of me to betray your trust and I won't do it again, but I just need you to understand why I said yes to Uriel. Like him, all I ever wanted was to protect our Family - I would hate to see any of my brothers fall like Alastair did."
I look down at my snow-covered feet, my wings drooping and my thoughts painfully churning my Grace. Is this what Uriel had in mind when he slew sweet Levanael, clumsy Pmox and all of our brothers and sisters? Is this what all Angels think about the Garrison and Humanity?
"Is that all you had to tell me?" I say in a neutral tone.
"Actually, I'm here at Lavavoth's request. Zachariah ordered her to come and talk to you, but she begged me to do it for her. I think she's terrified of you."
"What does Zachariah want?"
"To talk to you about something ultra confidential in his office. So confidential that he won't use celestial channels to summon you. Sounds... important."
Now he's staring at me with curiosity in his eyes, like he's hoping I'll tell him what it's all about.
But I have no idea myself.
oOo
"Ah, Castiel, I was expecting you. Come on in and sit down, I'll be with you in a moment."
I close the door behind me and walk to Zachariah's desk. Leaning over a file, he's writing something at the bottom of a page as I sit on the chair.
He signs his name and looks up contentedly. Leaning back in his chair, he crosses his legs and stares at me inquisitively, his lowered chin building a fat fold on his neck.
"You're probably wondering why I asked you here."
"I have my suspicions."
"Oh, do you now?"
I sternly nod. Many possibilities flashed through my mind by the time I got to his office door, but this one seems the most likely. And I have no intention of shying away from my responsibility. I will face the consequences of my actions with my head held high.
"I guess it's about Chuck's prophecy. It's been bypassed, has it not?"
Zachariah lets out a small, high-pitched laugh and clasps his hands over his stomach.
"Of course it hasn't! Why would you say that? Everything went exactly as planned - it was written that Dean would stop Sam and Lilith from sealing the deal. Their pact definitely would have prevented the Apocalypse, but also annihilated our two favorite little monkeys."
I stare at him wide-eyed. What is that supposed to mean?
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't." He shakes his head, smirking. "Only the top brass know about Destiny's glorious plans. And guess what? I deem you worthy of this honor. The end is nigh and I can finally be honest and upfront with you."
He uncrosses his legs and leans forward, resting his elbows on the table as he peers into my eyes.
"I can trust you, Castiel, right?"
Only after a few long seconds do I finally nod wordlessly.
"Good!" he says brightly "The first thing you need to know is that this Apocalypse has been planned for quite some time - since the day Lucifer was thrown into the Cage by the Archangels, to be specific. Sam and Dean were born solely to bring about the Apocalypse and to be vessels for Michael and Lucifer. There will be peace and harmony on Earth and in Heaven only when Michael has defeated the Devil, who will never inspire rebellions like Uriel's again, to name just one. There will be no Hell anymore. No demons. The Garden of Eden will flourish again and it will be Heaven on Earth as it used to be. Creation will no longer be divided into three worlds. We will all be united."
There is delight in his eyes as a smile spreads across his face. He points at me teasingly.
"And this absolute bliss, this harmony in the Creation, we will owe it to you, Castiel. You met all our expectations. You've been an outstanding agent of Destiny by hastening the events that would bring the Apocalypse. If it weren't for the hint you gave Dean, Lilith would have sealed her pact with Sam to save the Earth from the Apocalypse. And all would have been lost. Lucifer would have remained in his Cage forever."
I'm too stunned to do much more than blink and clench my wings.
"Why would a demon like Lilith offer something like that? It had to be a lie. She most likely just wanted to trick Sam."
"I was getting to that very point. Your idea to disrupt this pact was most welcome, for the Council and I never expected Lilith to be so selfish and value her own insignificant little life over her master and creator's freedom. According to your last report, sixty seals have been broken, correct? Lilith is getting squeamish... because she is the last seal."
"She's what?"
Zachariah nods smugly.
"Dean Winchester broke the first seal and Sam Winchester is meant to break the last one by slaying Lilith, the first demon created by Lucifer. Only he can do it."
The horrific memory of Sam killing Alastair with a mere wave of his hand flashes through my mind like a wave of icy water, and I shake my head. I can't believe what I'm hearing.
"But... but the hierarchy disapproved of Sam's powers, his half-demon blood and his addiction to demon blood..."
"Pretty convincing, right?" he laughs. "They were pretending like I was to prevent a riot from low ranking Angels who don't understand a thing about politics, or they simply weren't in the loop. Raphael and Michael only shared the details and directions with those who were the most loyal and devoted, and I pride myself on being one of them despite my tainted reputation. And now you're one of us too. You're included in God's secret plan, you should feel honored for the opportunity I'm giving you. This, Castiel, is great for your career!"
Zachariah runs a hand over his balding head, a pleased look on his face.
"You made the hard part by ensuring that the Apocalypse would start. We couldn't have done it without you. Now the hierarchy and God require only one simple thing from you: stop interfering. Just keep up appearances like we all do, but make sure you let the seals be broken. Let them all break and let the Winchester brothers keep on trying to kill Lilith. Easy, right?"
I look down at the black fabric of the pants covering my knees and the beige cloth of the coat laying on top.
"Right?" Zachariah insistently asks.
"Orders are orders," I reply blankly as I rise to my feet. "Is that all?"
"You may go."
As I walk to the door, still processing, Zachariah's voice rises behind me again.
"Castiel?"
My hand freezes on the handle, but I don't turn around.
"Don't disappoint me."
In a state of shock, I leave my superior's office. Angels, Cherubs and Reapers walk down the white corridor and pass in front of me without a glance.
I step forward, breathing heavily. My Grace is so restless that Jimmy's soul recoils in fear of the doubts raging inside of me. Knowing that I have contributed to the coming Apocalypse, which I fought so hard against and fear more than anything else... and that it was all planned by the higher authorities, thus the Father I am so devoted to and have been trying to understand for so long...
So God wishes to see His two elders face each other in a fight to the death that will most likely bring Humanity to an end. And I am expected to accept it. To take part. To rejoice.
I can't find any reason to rejoice.
I am the Guardian of the Winchesters, and no matter what I do, no matter what I wish for, I will be unable to save them from their fate. Even if I were to disobey now to alert Sam, it would be pointless. I would be executed and my sacrifice would have been in vain, except to make the situation worse. Sam would be coerced in ways perhaps even harsher, or his memory could simply be wiped clean. Nothing can ever save Dean and Sam from Fate and God's plans.
For orders are orders and my brothers won't ever stop.
I stop abruptly and ignore a Reaper's protest as he collides into my back. A distant memory just came back to me. A memory that isn't even mine, but one I ripped from Adam and Eve's son before he vanished forever. A memory carrying my dead rebel brother's almost faded voice. Camael's voice.
I will free you from my brothers' hold. I have a plan.
Camael forever concealed Cain from both us and demons. Cain has been safe since that day, away from God and Fate's cruel plans. The idea is growing and forming in my mind, so evident yet terrifying.
Am I... am I actually considering the worst kind of betrayal against Heaven and my Father?
Fear seeps into my Grace as my Faith crumbles to be replaced by long-suppressed rage.
Why should I obey a Father who seeks to destroy my only purpose in life, His greatest creation? If I manage to completely and permanently hide the Winchester brothers... there will be no Apocalypse and Humanity will be saved. Sam is the only one who can break the final seal, and without him and Dean, the Archangels can never have their fight.
Like Camael, my rebellion will cost me my life and so much more. For the first time in my life and thousands of years late, I finally understand why my brother did what he did.
I look up and spread my shaking wings, filled with horror as I consider how serious the crime I am about to commit is. I can't afford to ponder or muse now that I've made my decision. I don't have much time and I have to act fast to save Sam and Dean before my brethren see that something is wrong. I am willing to die and betray God Himself if my sacrifice means that Humanity won't be wiped out and Sam and Dean get to live free.
I know what I need to do now.
I remember the book with the title in golden sigils I noticed in the library only a few months ago. A book detailing the multi-level concealment seals on Humans.
I have to hurry.
In a swift wings beat, I leave the corridor and fly right into the celestial library's golden mist, between two gigantic shelves. Rows of books with golden carvings line up to the horizon. There is no one in sight and I hastily search for the specific book. Should the Sisters of Fate or any Angel or Cherub catch me stealing it, all will be lost.
Luckily, it only takes me thirty seconds to find the book and I carefully pick it up. I flip through the pages to make sure it does contain the forbidden seals I am looking for. The last page details a strictly forbidden seal designed to remove a human soul's existence from all senses and perception of Angels and demons - this is possibly the one Camael used on Cain. The seal is so sophisticated, I should study it later, once I've alerted Sam and Dean. I close the book and tuck it under my arm, flying out of the library.
I can't tell Sam and Dean directly - my interactions with them are constantly under watch - and there's no one I can trust with this. That leaves me with only one option.
I crash on the Axis Mundi with my feathers ruffled and my coat slapping around me. The Axis Mundi is radiating light and power, buzzing under my feet like it's alive. There are countless Paradises glowing all around like galaxies, each sparkle holding a soul. I let my Grace fuse into the Axis Mundi to find what I'm looking for. I have to work fast before an Angel patrol flies by and notices my unusual presence. I close my eyes and try to enter Sam's or Dean's dreams. Time flows differently in Heaven, depending on the location, so I'm not sure what time it is on Earth. My only chance to discreetly reach them is to dive into their dreams when they are sleeping.
Just when I was losing hope, the brothers's dreams rise up for me and I hurriedly dive into Dean's.
A lake landscape materializes around me, stunningly realistic. But I have no time to waste on the forest's fresh smell, the water's lapping against the boardwalk, or on the leaves' rustling in fall's brightest colors.
I look down at the righteous man sitting there with a fishing rod. My appearance hasn't changed - Jimmy Novak's body - except that the book is no longer under my arm.
Once more, Dean's dreams are peaceful and rooted in the reality of his world.
"We need to talk," I say quietly.
Searching for any aura other than my own, I look up and scrutinize the imaginary landscape - any Angel connected to the Axis Mundi could be listening and I can't risk taking too long or revealing my plan.
"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" sighs Dean who hardly sounds surprised.
I'm so shaken that I wouldn't even be able to detect an aura entering the dream. Terror seizes me whole as my heart pumps my swirling Grace through my veins.
"It's not safe here." I can feel panic rising. "We need someplace more private."
"More private? We're inside my head."
"Exactly."
If there is a patrol spying on our conversation, or some Angel wondering why the General of the Garrison is on the Axis Mundi... Perhaps they're all already there listening... or am I being paranoid? My blood, charged with Grace, beats loudly in my ears.
"Someone could be listening," I whisper, sharing a look with Dean.
Maybe I'm just worrying for no reason. If anyone was listening, they would have stepped in already, wouldn't they? I have to be cautious, though. I can't fail, there's too much at stake. I can't afford to fail.
Dean is staring at me in concern - genuine concern, not concealed behind his regular stony, defiant, angry mask.
"Cas, what's wrong?"
"Meet me here."
I materialize a folded piece of paper in my pocket and hand it to him. Dean takes it and frowns. The piece of paper is merely a metaphor for the address I'm imprinting directly into his mind.
"Go. Now."
I extract myself from the dream with a strong wing beat, making it collapse in the process. The Axis Mundi radiates light under my feet when I open my eyes again, so brightly it's almost blinding me. The souls wrapped in their Paradises are floating in the void around me, like shimmering stars gathered in galaxies.
Clutching the heavy book under my arm, I fly out of Heaven to the place I pointed out to Dean, faster than ever before in my life.
oOo
In the next chapter
"Everyone fears rehabilitation, but I see it as a new beginning. A rebirth. A blessing.You will become the perfect soldier I've always seen in you."