Fallen – Sarah McLachlan
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our back the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
What must Colin Bridgerton think of her practically begging him to kiss her? At least that was one wish fulfilled if nothing else. Besides, it was incredible to be kissed by Colin even though it meant nothing to him other than doing a favour for a friend.
When she locked eyes with him, she knew their being seen together would only cause the gossips to speculate more. Ducking under the drooping branches of a nearby willow tree, she tried to gather her thoughts knowing that Rae would stand watch.
Seconds later Colin ducked under the branches. "Good day." He looked so nervous and awkward. Almost as much as she felt.
"Good day. It is good to see you." It was good to see him even thought they had never been this anxious around each other, not even when they were children.
"Yes, it is … it is good to see you as well. And I apologize for not coming to see you … earlier." It was probably the only thing that had saved him from the same humiliation she had been experiencing. Colin Bridgerton helping her find a husband was believable to the ton, but Colin Bridgerton being interested in her as anything but a friend did not.
"Oh. It is for the better you did not." Goodness knows what her mama would have made of Colin Bridgerton calling on her. But then her mama was convinced that she would never do better than being a spinster. That was probably lucky for Colin seeing as her mama was not above trying to trap a gentleman into marrying one of her daughters.
"Is it?" Surely he could see it was. Perhaps it looked different when you had a supportive family backing you up. Something she would have loved to experience.
"Isn't it?" Had he heard something that hadn't reached her? After all she hadn't shown her face in public since the Hawkins ball. It was possible she had missed some news.
"It is." Where had all of his confidence gone? His man about town act wasn't the real him, but neither was the unsure man either.
It was making her more nervous. "Uh. We cannot continue our lessons." She was not certain they had helped very much. It had been more his faith in her which had prompted her to make any progress.
"Oh. Uh, I agree. Yes." Perhaps he had also noticed her lack of success. She had only managed to have one full conversation with one gentleman. Hardly a high rate of success.
"Good." She shouldn't really linger with him. Someone other than Rae would soon notice. Or perhaps they would just dismiss it as they had so far.
"Hm. Uh, just so I am clear, what is your reasoning exactly?" Was it not obvious? "Is it because of what happened between us?" Did he regret kissing her?
"No! N…No um… But I assure you, nothing of the kind will happen again." Although she could happily kiss Colin for the rest of her life. The feeling clearly wasn't mutual.
"Of course. And I apologize for the.." Oh God, was she a terrible kisser?
"No. I apologize for asking." She had not meant to put him on the spot.
"Please do not apologize." She felt it was the least she could do.
"You apologized." For what she did not know.
"Yes, but I … Yes. The lessons. You said they cannot continue." This was ridiculous. Now they were apologizing for apologizing.
"They cannot. Whistledown has written about us. I have embarrassed myself and my family, and if we were to continue, I'd embarrass yours as well." And that she had no wish to do.
"Yes. That is very… sensible." Sensible. The sensible thing might have been not accepting his help in finding a husband.
"In fact, it may be best if we keep our distance for now." That way she could at least protect his reputation.
"Oh, of … of course." It was not like Colin to struggle for words. At least not around her.
"I must become serious about my prospects." What prospects? That had to be the joke of the season.
"Prospects are important." Said like someone who actually had prospects. Any woman would be thrilled if Colin even glanced in their direction, but then they didn't know the real Colin as she did.
"Prospects which have gone from very little to even less, but I must do my best." Although she had no idea where she was going secure any other prospects now.
"Yes. You must. Well … Umm…. I will go and leave you to it." He could not leave first. It would look as though he was abandoning her even in friendship.
"Oh. I will go." Nobody would notice her leaving. Where as everyone would notice Colin leaving.
"Uh, Penelope. I … I hope … Well, I …" What? He hoped never to be caught up in one of her messes. "I wish very much for your happiness." He really was a sweet man. She had been lucky to have him as a friend even though she had always wished for so much more.
"Thank you." She genuinely meant it. "For all your kindness. If I secure a proposal, it will be because of you." As unlikely as that seemed right now. She hurried off feeling as though she had lost another friend. She had never felt more alone in her life.