Secrets – Pink
What do we conceal
What do we reveal
Make that decision every day
What is wrong with me
It's what's wrong with you
There's just so much I wanna say
I like to make believe with you
Da, da, da, da, do, do
That we always speak the truth…ish
I like how we pretend the same
Da, da, da, da, do do
Play this silly little game
I've got some things to say
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
It's written on my face
It's gonna be hard to swallow
Everybody's got a secret
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
Everybody's got a secret
It's written on my face
Everybody's got a secret
I let the walls come down
I let the monster out
And it's coming after me
Do you feel exposed
Where it hurts the most
Can you wear it on your sleeve
I like to make believe with you
Da, da, da, da, do, do
That we always speak the truth…ish
I like how we pretend the same
Da, da, da, da, do do
Play this silly little game
I've got some things to say
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
It's written on my face
It's gonna be hard to swallow
Everybody's got a secret
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
Everybody's got a secret
It's written on my face
Everybody's got a secret
Put it in the closet
Lock the doors
Wondering which one is worse
Is it mine or is it yours
Put it in the closet
Lock the doors Wondering which one is worse
I'll show mine if you show yours
I'll show mine if you show yours
Hey
I've got some things to say
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
It's written on my face
It's gonna be hard to swallow
Everybody's got a secret
Cause there's a lot that you don't know
Everybody's got a secret
It's written on my face
Everybody's got a secret
Da, Da, da, da, do, do
Everybody's got a secret
Her engagement party. And her engagement to Colin Bridgerton no less. She had never thought that would be anything more than a girlish dream. So here she was at Bridgerton House to attend a party in her honour. Their honour. Thank goodness her sisters weren't attending, but her mother was, so no doubt she would say something offensive.
"The decorations are somewhat more drab than I remember, are they not?" There it was. She knew she could count on her mother.
She forgot all about her mother when Colin walked up to her. "My bride to be." He kissed her hand. It was wonderful having someone who looked forward to being in her presence instead of scorning it.
"Good evening." It was as though they were the only two people in the world.
"And here is my son to be." No need to scare him off Mama. She was only too aware that being a Featherington wasn't appealing to many.
"Lady Featherington." So Colin wasn't falling for her mother's act. "It is pleasant to receive such a warm greeting from you." He clearly had not forgotten what he had overheard.
"I deeply regret my earlier comments." In reality she regretted being caught out. "Let us put it in the past. Tonight, we celebrate our collective future." Anyone would've thought she was the one to be married.
"Well, if that is your intent, then it shall be mine to honour it." Obviously he did not believe her mother, but Colin was always charming.
"Oh, I must tell your mother how much I love what she has done with the decoration." Lady Violet was too smart to fall for that and the servants had probably overheard what her mother had said about the decoration anyway. "Are the drinks nearby?" She walked off without waiting for a response.
This was Colin's and her evening. What the hell was Cressida Cowper doing there. "Eloise mentioned that Miss Cowper invited herself." Of course she did. "I was not sure I could say no considering."
Knowing Cressida, she would have made a scene if Colin has told her no. "It is all right."
"Good. I rather relish her presence, so that she can watch you in your triumph." Colin's excitement was infectious until he went to fetch a drink for her and Eloise caught up to her.
"Either my brother is the most understanding person ever born, or you have not yet told him." And hello to you to, Eloise. She had come close, but he would get distracted and she would lose her courage by the time he remembered she had tried to tell him something.
"I am waiting for the right time." Everything was happening so fast and she was just trying to catch her breath.
"It does not concern only you." Eloise was right but it did not make it any easier. "This secret, this lie, with the Queen's reward, it is bound to come out. And when it does, Colin will know I kept it from him as well." This was becoming more complicated by the minute. "If it proves too difficult for you to reveal the truth, I will be merciful and reveal it to him myself. You have until midnight." She stormed off taking any dreams of a happy ending for Penelope with her.
Colin came back with her drink just as Eloise left. "Your refreshment." It took every ounce of control to take the glass without her hand shaking. "Is everything all right?"
No. Her world was crashing down around her. Colin would not want anything to do with her once she told him she was Lady Whistledown. She simply nodded as she sipped her drink as she watched the clock ticking away with her future happiness.
Being the centre of attention wasn't all it was cracked up to be. If she hadn't been so focused on her time running out, she would have been nervous for another reason. Since the party was celebrate her and Colin's engagement if would not be easy to get a private moment to break the news to him.
"Good evening everyone. If you will allow me a few words." Had Eloise already told him? No, he looked too happy for that. "Most people when they fall off a horse, are counselled to get back on it again. I say stay down, for in the mud, you may happen to be blessed with your future bride." She really was marrying the most romantic man. "It was my atrocious riding that led me to meet Miss Featherington, Pen… And I am so grateful to be here with her tonight. I look forward to our life together, to knowing each other fully, and to never taking a single day with you for granted." Just when she thought she couldn't love him any more than she already did, he went and said the most beautiful things and her heart felt ready to burst."
The guests cheered and Colin looked both pleased with himself and adoringly at her.
"Congratulations to you both." What was Eloise doing? "Here is to truly knowing each other. Completely. Before the clock runs out. Hmm." Way to make a point Eloise not to mention confusing everyone else in the room. "The clock of life, of course. Ticks for us all. To your good health."
"Thank you, Eloise. I…" Colin does not look pleased. It was supposed to be his moment.
"I should like to add how … proud I am of my lovely daughter, Penelope." Oh for goodness sake. Did everyone feel the need to make a toast? "To the match of the season, and the Featherington-Bridgerton family." At this rate her mother would scare Colin off of marrying her.
"I cannot tell if this party needs stronger drinks or weaker ones." Benedict wasn't the only one. In her mother's case she was almost positive the drinks should be weaker.
"Now, perhaps some dessert and charades in the drawing room." Thank you Kate. She didn't know how many more additions to Colin's toast she could take.
Colin offered her his arm. "Shall we?"
"Of course." She just hoped Colin still wanted to marry her once he found out about Whistledown. If he could overlook her Mother's behaviour, there was still hope.
After a game of charades which Penelope and Eloise dominated, she was finding it more and more difficult to breathe the closer it got to midnight. She couldn't help checking the clock frequently. "Excuse me." She needed a moment alone. Shutting herself in an office she tried to calm down and control her breathing. Now was the time. He needed to hear it from her not his sister. Besides, she had no wish to ruin Colin and Eloise's relationship as well as her own.
When she re-entered the room, Colin rushed over to her. "Pen. Where did you run off to? I was looking for you." She wasn't used to somebody missing her when she left the room or worrying about her when they couldn't find her.
"I… I only needed a moment." She only had seconds left.
"I know something is bothering you." That was quite the understatement. "I can feel it. All evening, you have been shirking my gaze."
"No, Colin …" It felt as though her heart was being crushed by her ribs as the walls closed in on her.
"I would understand if you got swept up in the carriage. If you do not now share my feelings." How could he think that? She couldn't recall a time she had not loved him.
Colin… I need to tell you something." She was literately gasping for air.
"Pen." She just needed an uninterrupted moment to tell him. "Pen. Are you well?" She would be fine if he just let her tell him she was Whistledown. Of course once he found out he would break off their engagement.
"No." Why couldn't she breathe?
"Colin. I need to tell…" Not now Eloise.
"Eloise, please have a servant fetch a cool towel." Colin's concern was sweet and if she could breathe she would be basking in it.
"Excuse us everyone." Now Anthony was making an announcement? This was supposed to be their engagement party.
"I have an announcement." What could Cressida possibly have to say that would be of any interest? "It is time that I put an end to the speculation. You would like to know who Lady Whistledown is? You shall know. I am she." What the hell?
"Miss Cowper. Surely you jest." Her mother didn't believe Cressida so perhaps no one else would either.
"I jest not. I am Lady Whistledown. And you are right. I can do whatever I want." That was where Cressida was wrong. There were consequences to being Lady Whistledown.
"Colin…" This could not be happening. "I cannot breathe." She felt Colin's arms go around her before everything went black.
"Pen." Colin's voice broke through the darkness. Any hope that the past hour had been a bad dream was dashed when she fully came to and heard the chatter around her. Colin and her mother fussed around her and bundled her off home. Her mother promising to call for the doctor if she had anymore fainting spells.
What should have been one of the happiest evenings in her life was fast becoming the worst. Instead it was a nightmare. Cressida was claiming her life's work and she still hadn't told Colin that she was the real Whistledown. She wasn't sure if she would even get to walk down the isle if he found out the truth and he needed to know before the wedding. He deserved the truth.